


Bite-Sized

by Dreamshaper



Category: Ghostbusters (2016)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-09-05
Updated: 2018-08-08
Packaged: 2018-08-13 05:25:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 150
Words: 221,160
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7964179
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dreamshaper/pseuds/Dreamshaper
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is where I will collect the Holtzbert one-shots I come up with when stuck in my multi-chaptered stuff :) Rating and genre will vary, and will be put in the chapter summaries.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Significance of the Swiss Army Knife

_“That one’s not ready, it’s yours when it is. Here, in the meantime… This.”_

_“Wow, what does it do?”_

_“It’s a Swiss army knife. No woman should walk around unarmed.”_

_“…I know what it does.”_

Erin, Abby knew, was a creature of habit; she had seen her chew her way through roughly a hundred marker caps when they had been in college together. She bit on them whenever she got stuck in her work, and Abby was familiar of the way she often unconsciously played with pens or paperclips or whatever was within reach when she sat pouring over one of her books or when they all sat together and talked business.

She knew all of Erin’s quirks and idiosyncrasies. None of them had changed during the time they hadn’t been in contact - and so, it was quite the surprise when she realized that Erin had developed a new habit, and with quite the surprising item, too.

Abby noticed that curious new habit when they were all relaxing at HQ, after yet another successful bust; Erin was leaning against one of Holtzmann’s workbenches, looking relaxed and content, but apparently unable to keep her hands still – and playing with the army knife Holtzmann had given her what seemed to be ages ago, sliding the various tools it contained out and putting them back in over and over, without even truly noticing what she was doing.

Perhaps, she thought, this was just a one-time thing, a coincidence, maybe, she thought, the knife just had been the first thing Erin had gotten her hands on when she had searched for something to toy with; in the following days though, she noticed that Erin kept playing with the knife - even when other things she usually used to keep her hands busy were within reach, Erin fully ignored pens and paperclips in favour of the Swiss army knife.

Seeing her toying so much with the knife made Abby think back to the moment Holtzmann actually had given it to Erin; she had watched in stunned silence back then, knowing that Holtzmann had been using this particular knife for years and all too aware what it meant when she gave it to Erin so freely.

Erin hadn’t been aware of the knife’s significance back then, but Abby wondered if perhaps, she was now; they all had gotten used to Holtzmann constantly flirting with a painfully oblivious Erin, and didn’t pay much attention to this anymore, but now, Abby asked herself if maybe she should, if something in the dynamic between Erin and Holtzmann had changed and they hadn’t noticed.

Now that she knew there was something to look for, she noticed more and more things – how Erin would watch the engineer work when she thought no one was watching her, how sometimes, Erin would briefly touch Holtzmann’s back when she walked past the engineer bent over table, and how they’d look at each other just a bit longer than strictly necessary every now and then.

She wondered if something was developing between them, or already had, and if the latter option was correct, why they hadn’t said anything; she figured that she could simply ask Erin or Holtzmann, but also reasoned that, if they hadn’t said anything yet, they might have their reasons, and even though Abby was dying to know, she’d respect that.

It was hard to wait though, and she hoped that, whatever was going on between the two, they would make up their minds soon, and tell them.

* * *

 

“I think Abby suspects something”, Erin told Holtzmann when they were alone at HQ, “she’s been watching me… us… quite intently the past few days, but I don’t think she realized I’ve noticed.”

“I’m telling you”, Holtzmann murmured sleepily, moving a hand to caress the physicist’s naked back, “they’re not gonna freak. They’ll be happy. If Abby was gonna freak, she would have said something already.”

“Probably”, Erin had to admit, feeling quite relieved – the change in relationship between Holtzmann and her had happened almost two weeks ago, and so far, she hadn’t had the courage to tell their teammates about it, oddly afraid of how they might react.

 _You know Holtz is right,_ she thought to herself, while said woman was drifting off into a light sleep, unperturbed by Erin’s weight halfway resting on her, _they won’t freak. They’ll probably squeak about how cute it is and demand to know how it happened._

Her gaze strayed to the pair of pants Holtzmann had more or less ripped off of her not too long ago and had thrown onto her workbench; in the pocket of said pants, the Swiss army knife, the knife which had been the start of all of this, oddly enough… but then, she reasoned, odd was quite fitting when it came to Holtzmann, in a weird sort of good way, so why should the start of their relationship have been anything else than odd, she thought to herself, smiling slightly as she thought back to how it all had begun.

She had been right in this room, in front of her whiteboard, and Holtzmann had been working at her desk behind her; she had been focused on her equations, and so, it had startled her a bit when she had heard the engineer curse quietly behind her…

…and it’s not the usual cursing she’d gotten used to, either, so she turns to face Holtz, frowning when she sees the engineer sucking on her index finger, a deep frown etched onto her brow.

“What’s wrong”, Erin demands to know, at the same time reasoning that at least, there’s no blood visibly anywhere, unless perhaps, the finger Holtzmann has in her mouth is bleeding; the blonde shrugs in reply, then lets out a disgruntled sound, thankfully removing her finger from her mouth before she replies. “Ah, nothing, this knife just isn’t cooperating.”

She holds said knife up, a Swiss army knife just like the one she gave Erin a few weeks ago; one of the tools is halfway out, and apparently the reason for Holtzmann’s ire, since she glares at it, as if just looking at it angrily enough will get it out the rest of the way.

“I still have the one you gave me, you know”, Erin tells her, to her relief immediately knowing where she has it, nestled in the pocket of her ghostbusting coveralls. “You can have it… back, if you like?”

Not for the first time, she wonders if perhaps, there has been more to this knife than she was aware of when Holtzmann gave it to her; already the first time she used it, she noticed how easily the various tools are pulled out, and she’s noticed the scratches and marks here and there, speaking of how heavily this knife has been used before she received it.

“Nah, it’s fine”, Holtzmann tells her, waving the treacherous knife, the _new_ knife, Erin now just suddenly knows, around, “I’ll conquer this one, watch me.”

She starts fiddling with the knife again, not even noticing how Erin walks off; and a few seconds later, the physicist puts the knife down on the desk right in front of her nose, making her look up, and just when she wants to protest, Erin takes her face in her hands and kisses her.

Holtzmann has been perfectly aware that something between them was changing, that Erin was reacting differently to her flirting and compliments; she’s been quite sure though that it would take a while longer for something to happen, if anything ever would, and so, she’s quite surprised when Erin takes over like that.

She’s not too surprised to kiss back though, and that is just what she does, at the same time pulling Erin down onto her lap, and when Erin basically wraps her legs around her, she fears that her heart might burst out of her chest.

“Use mine”, Erin mumbles into her ear after the kiss, “and conquer me instead.”

“Watch me”, Holtzmann almost growls, comes to her feet, grabbing Erin with both hands so she won’t slip off and fall and briefly even lifting her; she sits her down on the table and kisses her again, and she feels how Erin’s hands entangle in her hair and slide beneath her shirt and she feels like she’ll explode any moment.

Erin’s not quite as far gone, but quite close behind Holtzmann; she’s still aware enough though that they are not alone, Abby and Patty are right downstairs, and so she keeps quiet, makes sure Holtzmann keeps quiet, too, by simply not allowing the kiss to stop, even though it gets difficult after a while, nobody downstairs notices what is going on up here…

“Whatcha thinkin about?” Holtzmann wanted to know, having snapped out of her light doze again; Erin smiled and shrugged, stealing a brief kiss before she replied, her answer making Holtzmann raise an eyebrow, since it didn’t make much sense to her, especially not after Erin had blown her mind with her hands and tongue.

“Oh, nothing much”, the physicist said, idly tracing invisible patterns on her stomach with the tips of her fingers, “just the significance of a Swiss army knife.”


	2. Hidden Strenght

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Holtzmann is stronger than she looks, and Erin finds out the pleasant way. Bit of pining from our favourite physicist, bit of fluff :) This was written during quiet time at work, so I apologize for any mistakes the various office distractions might have caused.

With each bust they completed successfully, Erin got more and more convinced that the slime was, in fact, targeting her personally.

It wasn’t like the others didn’t get slimed – they did – but it never happened to them in such an extent, the worst which had happened being Holtzmann having her hair covered in goo, but not the rest of her body, while Erin more often than not ended up slimed from head to toe.

It had happened again for this bust, and as if that wasn’t bad enough, not only had the ghost ectoprojected all over her, but she also had ended up slipping in a puddle of the gross stuff and somehow had twisted her ankle; the other three had taken care of the ghost without her, while she had been forced to remain sitting on the ground, sulking at the unfairness of it all.

So, there she sat, grumbling to herself, while she could hear her team mates fight the ghost in the distance; it went for a bit longer, then cheering could be heard, followed by footsteps approaching the hallway where Erin sat waiting.

“Got the bad boy”, Patty was the first to come within earshot, holding up the ghost trap as if to underline her words, “now we can go back to HQ and put some ice on that ankle of yours.”

“Good job”, Erin gave back, struggling to her feet; she was quite sure that the twisted ankle wasn’t that bad, but when she put her weight on it, sharp pain flashed through her leg, and she had a second to think _oh, crap,_ then her leg buckled beneath her and she was falling, as if she hadn’t gone through enough humiliation for today, now she’d end up falling on her butt, too.

She had squeezed her eyes shut when she’d realized that she was about to fall, and had braced herself for the impact; instead of the cold hardwood floor though, she found herself caught by a pair of arms, a surprised squawk escaping her when a second later, said arms readjusted themselves, one at her knees and one across her back, and then she was lifted up, and finally dared to open her eyes again.

Holtzmann grinned back at her, and that was surprising, because for some reason, Erin had been sure that Patty had been the one to catch her, always having thought that their tallest member would also be the strongest – not counting Kevin – and yet here she was, carried by their mad scientist, who didn’t appear as if this was all too difficult to accomplish. And carried bridal-style, at that, an image which only got strengthened in her mind when she, solely for balance, of course, moved her hands to clasp them behind Holtzmann’s neck. Just for safety.

“This would be so much more romantic if you weren’t drenched in slime, which you are, by the way, transferring to me now”, Holtzmann commented as she started to walk, still not appearing as if carrying Erin like that was in any way a challenge, “but getting slimed by proxy, well, that is new.”

“I think you can put me down”, Erin replied, deciding to ignore the remark about romance, even though her face apparently had decided otherwise, judging from how hot her cheeks felt; and when Holtzmann shook her head in reply, this only got worse, and she was quite sure that she was blushing all the way down to her chest.

“No can do, hot stuff”, the engineer told her, and Erin could have sworn that she heard Patty and Abby snicker at her furious blush, “can’t have you falling on that perfect butt of yours, can I.”

“Thank you”, Erin replied, and even though she had been aiming for a dry, sarcastic tone, it came out much softer and friendlier than planned; Holtzmann just smirked, and winked, and then carried her all the way to Ecto-1, Abby and Patty following suit, the historian lamenting that she was walking behind the two and thus couldn’t take a picture of that particular moment, something Erin studiously ignored, telling herself that the tingle she felt was just excitement about the successful bust and had nothing to do at all with Holtzmann carrying her like this.

* * *

 

“And up we go”, Holtzmann said the moment Erin started to get out of the parked car, practically ambushing her at the backseat and picking her up yet again, “where you want me to carry you? Bathroom?”

“Um, yeah”, Erin replied after a moment, once more clasping her hands behind the engineer’s neck, just for safety, of course, “but you don’t have to do that, you know, I think I can walk by now.”

“Perfect butt”, Holtzmann replied, kicking the car door close before she started moving, “can’t risk you denting that.”

“Not sure that is physically possible”, Erin pointed out, and somehow, Holtzmann managed a shrug, without bouncing her around too much; Abby held the door leading from the garage to the main area of the HQ open for her, and she carefully carried Erin through, making sure to not bump her against the frame on accident.

“You’re stronger than you look”, Erin commented as the engineer carried her through the large main area of their HW and to the bathroom, “you’re not even breathing harder.”

“Lugging equipment and gear around my lab all the time does pay off”, Holtzmann told her, somehow managing to put the shrug she did not act out into her tone, “and that is an excellent thing now, cause it can help me protect your perfect butt.”

“Stop talking about my butt”, Erin scolded, moving one hand to swat at her; the movement had been clearly unexpected by the engineer, and it threw her off balance, and there were a few dreadful seconds during which Erin was sure Holtzmann would drop her after all, an undignified squawk coming from the physicist as she made a grab for the first thing she could get her hand on, ending up with Holtzmann’s collar in her fist, her other hand still gripping the blonde’s neck, and somehow, as Holtzmann managed to regain her balance, their faces suddenly were just inches from each other, so close that Erin could feel the blonde’s breath on her face.

Her own breath caught in her throat as her eyes met Holtzmann’s, and she was sure that her heart was hammering so loud that the engineer could hear it; for a few seconds, they just looked at each other, then Erin forced herself to relax her grip, and the moment was over, Holtzmann clearing her throat as she shifted her grip a bit, just enough to make sure she wouldn’t drop Erin after all.

“Okay, my fluffy cupcake”, she then said, making Erin raise an eyebrow, “you wanna hit me, you do it after I put you down. Deal?”

“Deal”, Erin mumbled, finding it hard to look her in the eye all at once; and as Holtzmann got moving again, the physicist couldn’t help but wonder how close they actually had been to kissing, what she would have done if Holtzmann had kissed her, and why it felt as if a great opportunity had been missed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm always open for one shot prompts - so if you feel like sending some, hit me up in a comment or on tumblr at dreamshapers-universe.tumblr.com :D


	3. Friday Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is based on a prompt I got on tumblr: Anything protective Holtzmann really. Maybe a handsy guy at a bar who won't take no for an answer?   
> It got way longer than planned, but I hope you'll all like it :D

“It’s Friday”, Abby said as she put both hands onto the pages of the book Erin had been studying, effectively blocking her from reading another word, “and we are going out. Now.”

“But—” Erin started to protest, but her friend knew no mercy; she shook her head as she snatched the book away from her and hid it behind her back, her tone strict when she replied. “No but. We haven’t been out in far too long, Patty just got Holtzmann away from that ridiculous proton sword she’s been building” – here, she paused, waited until Holtzmann had yelled “It is not ridiculous!” from the adjoining room, nodded, then continued, “and you’ve been staring at this book for days. You need a break. We are going out.”

“Fine”, Erin sighed, remembering that tone well from earlier days and knowing there was no use in talking back, “just let me get changed, I’m not going out like that.”

“No dawdling!” Abby strictly told her, prompting her to let out a small huff as she got up from her seat; not eager to be yelled at by her friend though, Erin did change quite quickly, the MIT sweater replaced by a blouse Patty had talked her into getting – one with quite a bit more cleavage than she was used to, but Patty had reassured her that she looked bomb in it, and she decided to give it a try, having to admit that it did make her look quite good, a fresh pair of jeans coming next, then a quick look into the mirror, making sure everything sat correctly, and finally, she put on heels which matched the blouse, deciding that she was good to go.

Briefly, she considered doing her make-up again, then figured that the light one she had put on in the morning would suffice; her hair was still in its loose ponytail so it wouldn’t bother her as she worked, and that would do, the physicist figured, after all, they were just going to the bar at the corner for some drinks.

“Oh wow”, Holtzmann greeted her as she emerged from her room, raising an eyebrow in appreciation as she gave her quite the unabashed once-over, “looking good there. That blouse new?”

Erin blushed – as she always, _always_ did when Holtzmann complimented her, prompting her to wonder if she ever would get used to this, and shrugged, then nodded, answering the engineer’s question; Holtzmann nodded in approval, and only when she turned away, Erin realized that immediately, Holtzmann had been able to tell that her blouse was new, yet another incident which made her wonder if the engineer’s constant flirting probably was more serious and genuine than she so far had thought.

* * *

 

They got their usual booth at the bar, and sat in the usual configuration – Abby and Patty one bench, Erin and Holtzmann on the other; Holtzmann volunteered to get the first round, and while she was gone, Erin caught herself glancing over to where the blonde stood at the bar several times, always forcing her gaze away with a tremendous amount of willpower, and needing even more of that to ignore the knowing smirk Abby shot her every single time.

Eager to avoid more of those smirks being sent her way, Erin tried hard to hold back her smile when Holtzmann returned, with the white wine spritzer she knew the physicist liked; at the simple fact that the engineer did know this though, she found herself smiling after all, and perhaps sounded just a bit too eager when she thanked her for the drink.

“I’ll get the next round”, she then added, earning nods and smiles from her friends; then, they all raised their drinks, Abby cheering “To us!”, only to shoot Erin and Holtzmann a strict look right afterwards, both of them taken aback at this unexpected behaviour.

“And no talking about work!” she told the two, “today is a work-free evening. I, Dr Abby Yates, declare it so.”

“We weren’t talking about work”, Erin defended herself, prompting Abby to let out a snort and point out that she surely would have started doing so, had Abby not made her declaration.

“Probably”, Erin had to admit, “but, fine, no talking about work. I wouldn’t want to risk your wrath.”

“Smart move”, Abby nodded, earning a low chuckle from the engineer; the sound had a curious effect on Erin, namely sending shivers up and down her spine, and she couldn’t help but look at the woman next to her, take in the curve of her lips as she smiled, the way her fingers curled around her bottle of beer when she brought it to her lips, and how she licked said lips after putting the bottle back down.

_Wow, you’re really focused on her lips tonight, get a grip, Gilbert,_ she then realized, clearing her throat as she forced herself to look away; somewhat unfortunately though, she looked directly at Abby next, who raised an eyebrow at her, then mouthed “you’re staring”, and Erin felt her face heat up again as she wondered if Holtzmann had noticed.

If the engineer had, she didn’t let it show, laughing as Patty told a lively story of how she had chased the graffiti artist who more or less on accident had designed their logo, way before she had joined the Ghostbusters; Erin had been so busy studying Holtzmann that she had missed the beginning if said story, but still found herself smiling and giggling at Patty’s animated re-telling, realizing how relaxed and content she felt in this very moment, having fun with her friends, something she never would have thought she’d ever have in her life a mere year ago.

Next to her, Holtzmann shifted slightly on the bench, and a moment later, Erin nearly choked on her wine as the movement led to the engineer’s leg briefly pressing against hers; and even when Holtzmann settled down again, a bit of that contact remained, her leg now close enough to Erin’s that she could feel the engineer’s body warmth, a pleasant tingle running up her spine whenever Holtzmann moved a bit – which happened quite often, with the blonde’s inability to sit still – and their legs touched again.

Erin had a few minutes to enjoy this, and to ponder if Holtzmann was aware of the effect she had on her by now, and was doing this on purpose; then, the blonde glanced at her, and winked, and the physicist found herself blushing, suddenly just knowing that these little touches, unseen by Abby and Patty, were no coincidence indeed.

Eager to cool herself down, Erin gulped down the rest of her drink; and even though she didn’t really want to get away from Holtzmann, she figured that a few minutes of distance would help her regain her calm, and so, she rose from her seat, telling her friends that she’d get the next round, as she had promised.

Still smiling to herself, she made her way to the bar; quite a few people were waiting there, and she moved to stand in line, hoping that it wouldn’t be too long, eager to get back to her friends.

_Back to Holtzmann, you mean._ The thought had come pretty much out of nowhere, and even startled her a bit; she had to admit though that it wasn’t actually wrong, her eyes straying back to the booth, and focusing on the engineer, a smile curling her lips without her even fully noticing as she watched Holtzmann laugh at something Abby had said.

“Hi, hello”, a voice from behind her distracted her from her observation, and Erin held back a frown as she turned to look at who had spoken; it was a guy about her age, perfectly average – _perfectly boring_ , she thought to herself, even though not all too long ago, she probably would have settled for a guy like him, just to fit in – and he smiled at her, making it clear that he indeed had been speaking to her and not someone else in line.

“I’ve noticed you”, he went on, smiling at her, holding out his hand, “when you sat with your friends? Your smile is really pretty. I’m Martin.”

“Erin”, she replied, shaking his hand, having to pull it back with a bit of force when he apparently wanted to hold it longer than necessary, something he apparently chose to ignore, his smile remaining unchanged as he, to her dismay, let his eyes wander over her body – she hadn’t minded the slightest when Holtzmann had done so a short while ago, even had felt flattered, but with him, it was different, making her feel uncomfortable and as if he was gauging her, like a piece of cattle on the market.

“I’d like to buy you a drink”, he said, distracting her from these observations; forcing herself to smile politely, Erin tried to figure out if she could take a step back without bumping into someone when he moved closer to her as he spoke, giving her best to sound calm and polite when she replied.

“That is very kind of you”, she let him know, unaware that at their table, Holtzmann had put her beer down and was watching them, “but I’m getting drinks for all of us, so unless you want to pay for four thirsty women, I’m afraid I have to decline.”

“Aw, come on”, he persisted in reply, clearly not willing to take no for an answer so quickly, even reaching out and placing his hand on her forearm, either not noticing or not caring that his touch clearly wasn’t appreciated, “just one drink. Your friends over there can wait for a few minutes, right?”

He moved closer to her again, and his hand slid up her arm to her shoulder; now that he was close enough, Erin could smell the alcohol on his breath, and her discomfort grew, the polite smile vanishing from her face.

“Come on”, he cajoled again, the way her smile had faded obviously not bothering him, “you’re the prettiest of that bunch, and it’s just one drink. They won’t even notice you’re not there.”

_Holtz would_ , Erin had time to think, and then he was even closer, getting really into her personal space now, and his other hand moved to her waist, and suddenly, she didn’t care anymore if she bumped into anyone, she took a step back, wanting to get away from his all too eager hands.

“I said no”, she told him, and she had wanted to sound stern and firm, but her tone clearly showed her discomfort and insecurity, and from the way Martin smirked at her, he obviously didn’t take her seriously, an impression he confirmed a moment later as he moved forward again, closing the small gap she had managed to put between them again.

“Come on, Erica”, he said, reaching out to touch her again, and prompting her to take another step back, “don’t be like that. Just one drink, for starters, and then we can see where the evening leads? You look like you could need some… action, if you know what I mean.”

Erin couldn’t believe how brash he was, and she was honestly surprised for a moment that her jaw didn’t hit her shoes; before she could come up with a response though, a flash of blonde from the right caught her eye, and then Holtzmann stood between Marcus and her, his startled expression making it obvious that he hadn’t seen that coming, either.

“Oh man”, the engineer said, sounding quite amused and casual, but Erin could tell simply from the way she stood that she wasn’t quite as mellow as she appeared, “you did not just say that to her. Dude, really? Also, her name's Erin. At least try to remember if you want to get in her pants.”

“Excuse me, you are?” he demanded to know in response, miffed that his attempts at what he probably thought was flirting had been interrupted; and even though Erin couldn’t see her face, the engineer standing with her back to her, she suddenly just knew that Holtzmann was raising an eyebrow at him sardonically.

“The ghost of flirts gone wrong”, she heard the blonde say, and had to hold back a snort of laughter, “booyah. Emphasis on the boo.”

“Do you know this… person?” Martin demanded to know, looking at Erin incredulously, as if Holtzmann had interrupted a perfectly nice conversation and not an increasingly uncomfortable situation; Erin smiled pleasantly at him, while the engineer moved a bit so she could look at both of them, and so, Erin could see that Holtzmann kept her face remarkably straight at the physicist’s reply, even though the words which left her mouth even surprised the redhead herself.

“This is Dr Holtzmann”, she heard herself say, saying what her instinct came up with before her brain had a chance to catch up and stop her, “and yes, I do know her, actually, she’s my girlfriend. Sweetheart, sorry I got held up, but, well…”

She gestured vaguely at the man, who was staring in a somewhat gobsmacked manner; and his eyes only got bigger when in response, Holtzmann smiled casually, then put one arm around the physicist’s waist, and Erin, telling herself that it was only to keep the ruse up, immediately snuggled closer to her, making the picture complete by briefly, but tenderly kissing the engineer’s cheek.

“Um”, Martin let out, eyes still wide, “well. Okay. You know, you could have told me I’m wasting my time, that was rude.”

“Excuse me?” Erin now got angry, while Holtzmann raised an eyebrow again, “ _you_ started talking to _me_ , and I told you no, more than once! If you had listened the first time—”

“Yeah, whatever”, Martin gave back, with a derisive roll of his eyes, at least, to Erin’s relief, beginning to turn away though – and then, just before he was out of earshot, he mumbled “Bitch” under his breath, and Erin saw red, clenching her fists as she took a step after him, only to feel Holtzmann grab her arm a second later.

“Hey”, the engineer was saying under her breath, speaking quickly to capture her attention, “hey hey hey, no. Erin! Don’t you go punching him, he’s the type to punch you back, and then I have to get involved, and then Abby and Patty are gonna get into it, too, and then it’ll be an all out brawl. You want to be the cause for an all out brawl? Okay, wait, that sounded kinda cool, but it’s not.”

“…you’re rambling”, Erin mumbled, forcefully tearing her gaze away from the retreating man’s back, and looking at Holtzmann again, who smirked and shrugged, pointedly looking at her hands – which were not clenched into fists anymore – before she replied. “It helped though, didn’t it? Not that he wouldn’t have deserved it, but I’m really in no mood for a fist fight tonight. And also, girlfriend, huh?”

“Yeah, sorry about that”, Erin replied, blushing, a quite lovely shade of red in Holtzmann’s eyes, even through her tinted glasses, “I don’t know why I said that actually, my mouth was faster than my brain there. But… thank you.”

“No problem, hot stuff”, Holtzmann reassured her, smirking, “I’ll be your fake girlfriend any time.”

Erin just could have left it at that, could have simply smiled and nodded; once again though, her impulses got the better of her, perhaps spurred on by the quiet longing she had seen in Holtzmann’s eyes, just for a second, but long enough for her to notice, and before she could stop herself, she had leaned in and pressed her lips to the engineer’s.

The kiss lasted for a few wonderful seconds, then Erin realized what she was doing and pulled back, her eyes wide; Holtzmann stared back at her the same way, with disbelief and a bit of shock, and Erin’s brain kicked into overdrive, surely, she had interpreted all the flirting and the compliments wrong, there was no way the engineer was interested in her like that, the flirting was just part of her nature, and now, Erin had ruined a perfectly good friendship, and it was her fault and her fault alone.

“I, I’m sorry”, she stammered, taking a nervous step back, “I didn’t… I shouldn’t have… Holtz, I…”

Holtzmann closed the small gap between them again, one arm snaking around Erin’s waist while the other came up to rest alongside her jawline; the engineer took a moment to look into the physicist’s eyes, making sure it was okay – and then she kissed her, with much more fervour than the timid kiss Erin had given her, and immediately, the redhead responded, melting into her embrace, her content sigh muffled by the blonde’s mouth on hers as the kiss deepened.

Erin wanted the kiss to never end, but finally, had to pull back again, if only for the lack of air; she smiled shyly at Holtzmann, who grinned back at her, a familiar hint of mischief in her eyes and voice when she spoke up again. “Or not so fake, apparently. Want to have dinner tomorrow?”

“Yes”, Erin replied at once, her smile widening; and in the booth, Abby sighed and slipped Patty ten dollars, an exchange unnoticed by the two as they stood and looked at each other, pleasantly surprised at the turn this evening out had taken.


	4. Disconnect

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Based on a prompt I received on tumblr - "Look at me - just breathe, okay?" and on Disconnect by Evergrey which breaks my heart every time I hear it and can be heard here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0XknkwkjIzA  
> Erin gets an offer, and Holtzmann is not happy about it.

_Don’t leave this_   
_Don’t leave me_   
_I’ll disconnect_   
_Before it takes me over_

Evergrey – Disconnect

 

Sometimes, Holtzmann disconnects.

There is no other way for Erin to describe it; it’s as if her brain just shuts down, just for a few seconds, never longer, but she notices every time Holtzmann does it when she happens to be around. Her eyes glaze over oddly, and she sits perfectly still – and if _that_ isn’t an indication that something weird is going on, Erin doesn’t know what else could be – and just breathes and stares into nothingness; and then, she snaps back, and is back to her usual self, joking and flirting and smirking and winking at her and making her feel so _much._

Ever the scientist, Erin tries to determine when it happens, tries to find out if specific things cause it or if it’s just random, a side effect, perhaps, of a mind buzzing with ideas and projects 24/7 (she’s pretty sure Holtzmann even dreams of her work, she’s caught the engineer asleep at her desk more than once, and she’s been mumbling equations and numbers in her slumber), a way for said mind to get a least a few moments of reprieve.

She hasn’t been able to determine a pattern so far, but she does notice that it happens more often the harder Holtzmann works, and, even though the engineer doesn’t get frustrated often, being in that state seems to cause it, too.

She can’t determine a pattern or definitely say what causes it and what doesn’t, but she never expects to be the cause of it one day.

It starts harmlessly enough, after a phone call she gets one afternoon; she doesn’t think much of it – and that is hilarious all on its own, she realizes, seeing how desperate she’s been for what has been offered not even a few months ago – and she just mentions it at passing at HQ in the next day, thinking nothing of it.

“Columbia called”, she lets the others know as they all sit around the large dining table and have lunch, “they want to give me tenure now. Apparently, they’re really impressed by…”

She’s been planning to say that the tenure committee people had praised their work and the revised edition of the book Abby and she have published, but just then, it happens, and she trails off, suddenly feeling oddly guilty.

Holtzmann disconnects and somehow Erin knows it’s her fault.

“What did you say?” Abby wants know, looking at her curiously, but as if she already knows the answer, certainly, Erin won’t leave what they have here to go back to this stuffy old place full of people who had no respect for her a year ago.

Holtzmann comes back and gets up without a word and goes upstairs to her lab, Abby watching her go in confusion, but not trying to stop her – it’s Holtzmann after all, and they all are more or less used to strange behaviour from her.

“I told them I’d think about it”, Erin tells her, the researcher’s gaze moving back to her, “it seemed rude to just say no right away, but that’s what I’ll tell them tomorrow or so.”

She wishes Holtzmann would have heard that.

“I’ll be right back”, she adds, and gets up from her seat; Abby nods and Patty looks pleased with Erin’s answer, and she wonders if perhaps, Patty thought she’d say Yes and leave the Ghostbusters to go back to Columbia. _As if._

If Abby and Patty find it odd that she follows Holtzmann upstairs, they don’t say anything, chatting to each other, making fun of the Columbia people for thinking they could get Erin back so easily after how they had treated her; their voices fade as Erin climbs the stairs, replaced with the sounds she has come to associate with their mad scientist, the sound of metal clanging against metal and blowtorches being lit up and electric screwdrivers whirring away.

Erin doesn’t bother to be quiet, she wants Holtzmann to know she’s coming – somehow, Holtzmann knows them all well enough already to be able to tell who’s coming up the stairs simply from the sound of their footsteps; usually, when it’s her, the engineer is looking towards the stairs when she reaches their top, greets her with a wink and a smirk and more often than not a flirty remark, but not today.

Today, Holtzmann remains bent over the workbench, metal clanging as she works on one of their proton packs, fixing a little damage which has been done during the last bust.

“Holtzmann”, Erin says, and she has to keep a bit of hurt out of her voice, it feels so odd to not be acknowledged the usual way; then, she doesn’t know what else to say, so she just walks over to where Holtzmann is sitting, and still the blonde doesn’t look at her.

“Holtz, I…” she starts, and she plans to tell her that she’s not going anywhere, but before she can, Holtzmann interrupts her, as if she can’t hold the words back any longer, still not looking at her, speaking fast and somewhat stilted, reminding Erin of the toast she had made back in the bar, after the Rowan Incident, only that this time, she also sounds frantic and a little bit scared.

“They offered you tenure again, did they”, she says, and even though it was kinda sorta a question, she doesn’t give Erin a chance to answer, “well that’s nice of them, offering tenure now that you’re kinda famous and the book is a bestseller, laymen read it too you know, I’ve seen a bunch of people read it on the subway, when I went to get new parts for our stuff, that’s a great chance, isn’t it, getting tenure at—”

“Holtz”, Erin finally gets in a word, alarmed – Holtzmann has started breathing faster and faster during this rant, now she’s almost hyperventilating, and when Erin touches her shoulder, she can feel how tense she is and that she’s trembling, and Erin’s heart breaks as she fully realizes how upset her friend is at the thought of her leaving them.

“Holtz”, she says again, trying to catch her eye, so she can see the sincerity in her eyes, “Holtz. _Holtzmann_. It’s okay. Look at me – just breathe, okay? It’s okay, it’s okay.”

She wraps Holtzmann up in a hug – which, she realizes a bit belatedly, makes looking at her quite impossible for the engineer, but she can feel how Holtz relaxes a bit in her embrace, not fully, but enough, and her breathing slows down, her face hidden against Erin’s shoulder as the physicist holds her and rubs her back. The position muffles Holtzmann’s voice when she finally speaks again, after minutes have ticked by, but Erin can still understand what she says and her heart breaks all over again.

“Please don’t leave”, Holtzmann murmurs, just a bit louder than a whisper, “I know it’s selfish of me to say and I’m sorry and that it’s a good thing for you but… Please don’t leave this. Us.”

Now her voice does drop down to a whisper, but Erin still hears it all, what she says and what she doesn’t say. “Me.”

“I’m not going to say yes”, Erin tells her, and at this, Holtzmann pulls back a bit from the hug so she can look her in the face, “I’m not leaving. You didn’t really think I’d give this up for Columbia? For anything?”

Holtzmann just stares at her, and for a moment, Erin thinks it’s another disconnect, and she has time to wonder if the engineer actually has heard her – and then, suddenly, with unexpected intensity, Holtzmann grabs at the front of her blouse and practically yanks her closer and their lips smash together.

It’s not the slow, romantic kiss Erin has envisioned a hundred times by now, in the private world of her fantasies; it’s rough and harsh and almost desperate, it’s Holtzmann putting everything she can’t say into it, all that raw emotion she can’t find the words for, and Erin understands it all.

She kisses her back at once, taking hold of the lapels of her labcoat so she can pull her closer, closer, and it’s never close enough, but it will have to do, and she feels Holtzmann’s hand slide from her front to the back of her neck and her own move to encircle the blonde’s waist and she’s amazed at how well their bodies fit together.

They pull apart again at last, and Erin is flushed and breathing heavier and so is Holtzmann; then, they both smile, and Erin reaches out to gently tug a stray lock of hair behind Holtzmann’s ear.

She can see Holtzmann disconnect again at the brief, but gentle touch, just for two seconds, just long enough to let her notice, but the engineer comes back to her quickly, quicker than Erin ever has seen it happen during the time she’s known her.

And Erin doesn’t mind, because she knows Holtzmann will always come back to her; and she’ll always be there when the engineer comes back, and from the way Holtzmann looks at her, she knows this, too, and they smile at each other again.

Then, they kiss again, and this time, it is the slow, romantic kiss Erin secretly has been imagining so many times; and it’s so much better than in her fantasies, so much better, it’s more than she ever dreamed of, it makes her weak in the knees and her heart race in her chest.

It’s the best she’s ever felt, and she knows that nothing in this world can make her give this up… and again, Holtzmann looks at her in a way when they pull apart once more which tells her that the engineer knows this, and feels the same, and Erin knows that now, all is well.   

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm always happy to get prompts! So if you have one you'd like to see from me, hit me up in a comment here or on tumblr - dreamshapers-universe.tumblr.com :)


	5. All the Good Things

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is about 2.500 words of pure, unadulterated fluff and I regret nothing x) Based on this prompt I got on tumblr: How about a lazy Sunday morning for Holtzbert? Waking up late, cuddling and maybe slow, relaxing sex. Getting up eating brunch in their pyjamas and then going to a museum or park. Just spending time together and being disgustingly in love. :)
> 
> I'm always taking prompts, so if you have one (or more :D) of your own you'd like to see from me, come drop me a line at dreamshapers-universe.tumblr.com :D

Even on Sunday, when there’s no alarm clock and they can sleep in, Erin is the first to wake up.

She blames that on Holtzmann – not in a mean way – and on the engineer’s inability to lie still _even in her sleep_ for God’s sake; Holtzmann loves spooning her, and she loves being spooned by her mad scientist, but even when she’s asleep, Holtzmann is twitching and sometimes kicking, and she kicked this time, too, waking Erin up.

She glances at the clock on her night stand, sees that it’s just a few minutes past eight, and decides that, nope, that is too early to get up; behind her, Holtzmann is still fast asleep, one arm draped over Erin’s waist and one leg entangled with the physicist’s, and this means that she can’t get up anyway without waking Holtzmann up, and figures that she might as well go back to sleep. So she does, and she doesn’t wake for another two hours.

When she wakes for a second time, it’s not because of Holtzmann kicking, but just happens, and Erin feels awake and refreshed; carefully, not wanting to wake her still slumbering girlfriend up, she turns so she can face her, and studies her as she sleeps.

When Holtzmann is awake, there seems to be so much of her, so much that sometimes, Erin wonders how all of her personality can actually fit into her not all too tall body; she’s always in motion, even when she’s sitting, bouncing her leg and humming along to her music, cracking jokes and tossing deadpan one-liners into the conversations of the others which more often than not crack Erin up, even more so now that they’re dating.

Now that Holtzmann is asleep though, she looks calm and relaxed – even though she does move around quite a bit more than the average person, even in her sleep, or at least, so Erin thinks, not having shared her bed with many people in her life, and certainly not as often as with Holtzmann – and Erin feels as if she could just lie here for hours and watch her sleep, use the time to memorize every detail of Holtzmann’s face, the curve of her lips and the line of her jaw, the way her hair is a tangled mess on the pillow and still looks good.

Smiling, Erin thinks back to the first time she has seen Holtzmann with her hair down; it had happened the first time they had made love, pretty much during it, and it kind of had been her fault – she’d entangled her hands in Holtzmann’s hair while there had been kissing and touching, and somehow, had completely ruined the hairdo which was way more complicated than it looked, and when she had realized how long said hair actually was when it was not pinned up and held in check with more than one scrunchie, she had been so surprised that she had squeaked, completely ruining the moment. Thankfully, it hadn’t been ruined for long though, and after she’d gotten over her surprise (“I’m sorry, but your hair is _so long_ oh my God how did I never notice that”), they’d picked up right where they’d left off.

By now, she has gotten used to the sight, and she feels oddly proud at the fact that she’s the only one who ever has seen Holtzmann’s hair in all unbound glory; not even Abby, who has known the engineer longer, has ever seen that, and even though she knows it is strange, Erin hopes it that it stays that way for a bit longer.

“Rngh”, Holtzmann lets out, an unarticulated mixture of grunt and snore which makes Erin giggle, despite her tries to hold it back; the engineer cracks one eye open and peers at her, and even though she literally just woke up, she smiles as their gazes meet, and Erin wonders if she could ever love someone more. She wonders if her heart is big enough for all the love Holtzmann makes her feel and what she did to deserve this woman in her life, this woman who makes her heart soar with a simple smile.

“Good morning to you, too”, she says, smiling; Holtzmann grunts again, then snuggles closer to her, her head coming to a rest right above the physicist’s breasts, and she might have made that look as if it just happened, but Erin knows she totally did it on purpose.

“Good morning, babe”, the engineer practically purrs, pauses while Erin moves one hand to run it through her hair – and then she says “good morning girls” to her breasts, and Erin laughs, playfully swatting at her as she shakes her head.

“What”, Holtzmann claims, craning her neck so she can look up at her face, “need to greed them properly, too, or they’ll be sad. Can’t have them be sad.”

“I don’t think they have emotions of their own”, Erin points out the flaw in that reasoning; Holtzmann hmms, and shrugs, and gets comfortable again, and for a while, they just lie there, enjoying the quiet Sunday morning and the fact that they didn’t need to be anywhere anytime soon – unless an emergency bust was called in – and had the whole day to themselves.

“This is so nice”, Erin finally breaks the silence, a content sigh following her words, “I think I could do this all day. If we didn’t need to eat. And go to the bathroom.”

“Agreed”, Holtzmann says, idly tracing loops and swirls on Erin’s hip with her fingertips, “but hey, perhaps we could get Abby and Patty to bring us food. And bedpans.”

“Ew, no”, Erin replies, with a small giggle, “no bedpans. I’m older than you, true, but not _that_ old.”

Holtzmann chuckles at that, then cranes her neck again, not just to look this time, but so she can press her lips to Erin’s; it doesn’t take long for the kiss to deepen, morning breath be damned, and Holtzmann’s hand slides from the redhead’s hip down her thigh, and she has to hold back a smirk which would have ruined the kiss when she notices how Erin’s breath hitches in response.

“You know”, she drawls, in that certain tone which never fails to make Erin weak in the knees, even when she’s lying down, she can feel her knees turn weak, and how weird is that, “we _could_ just snuggle some more and then get up and have breakfast. Or we _could_ do something else, snuggle some more after that… and have brunch.”

“Brunch sounds good”, is all Erin can bring out, because, while the touch was quite innocent, she finds herself so turned on already; only Holtzmann can do that, she reflects, as the engineer’s hand goes beneath her pyjama top, leaving a trail of fire on her skin, only Holtzmann could get her so worked up so fast, with just the simplest of touches and gestures.

And only Holtzmann has ever made her feel this way, she still has time to think; and then, there’s more kissing, and touching, and ecstasy, and she can’t think of anything for a long time.

* * *

 

Afterwards, there’s more cuddling, just as Holtzmann had suggested before she had made Erin’s brain shorten out for quite a while; and she had taken her time doing so, too, Erin reflects once she can think again, kissing and touching in all the best places – she’s figured out quickly when they started dating that kissing Erin’s throat, right where her pulse can be felt, turns her on unreasonably much, and after she’d found that out, she just as quickly has learned all other things which make Erin feel bliss and ecstasy, where to kiss and where to touch, how to touch, and she made use of all that knowledge this morning, leaving not a single thing out.

“One of these days”, Erin finally finds herself able to speak again, even though there is still a bit of a tremble in her voice, the good kind of tremble though, the anxious kind of tremble showing up less and less the longer she’s with Holtzmann, “you’re going to kill me. Just overdo it and kill me, and I’ll come back as a ghost to haunt you.”

“Well, at least you would go out with a bang”, Holtzmann lightly replies, and grins when Erin lightly swats at her arm in response; the physicist huffs, but it’s all in good fun, and a moment later, they are kissing again… until Erin’s stomach growls loudly, and she flinches back, her cheeks taking on a lovely shade of crimson while Holtzmann laughs, actually laughs so hard that the redhead thinks it’ll give her hiccups.

“Alright, hot stuff”, Holtzmann says, still interrupting herself with short bursts of laughter, “we better get up and find you something to eat. That sounded as if there’s a bear hiding in your tummy. Unless you want to stay here and I’ll make you breakfast… brunch in bed?”

“Nah”, Erin denies the offer, temping as it is, figuring that it wouldn’t be fair to have Holtzmann do all the work while she just relaxes a bit longer, “let’s see what we can make together, it’ll be more fun that way and I won’t feel bad for making you do all the work.”

“You’re not _making_ me do anything if I offer”, Holtzmann points out, doesn’t protest though; she rolls out of bed, straightening the oversized and wonderfully soft shirt she wears to bed – Erin knows how wonderfully soft it is because she’s slept so many nights with that shirt against her back by now, when Holtzmann is snuggled up to her – and making sure her boxers sit properly, and Erin gets up too after another moment of watching her girlfriend in admiration, her own pyjamas much more proper than the stuff Holtzmann wears, an actual pyjama set in navy blue.

They move to the kitchen together and, considering the fact that they didn’t go grocery shopping the previous day, come up with a rather impressive brunch; there’s coffee, of course, and orange juice (which Erin sniffs a few times, just to be sure, it _has_ been in her fridge for a while), there’s eggs – scrambled and soft-boiled – and toast, and fried bacon, and cream cheese (at which Erin looks real closely before putting it on the toast, because it has been in her fridge for a while, too).

Holtzmann has a moment of her inner dork breaking free again, manifesting in her giving the two soft-boiled eggs she has in front of her a personality – apparently, they’re egg-bros, and went out for drinks the previous evening, which kind of makes sense since that was Saturday, and then Holtzmann ends their friendship by decapitating one of them with her spoon, and she lets out a dramatic “Nooooooo” in the deepest voice she can manage to speak for the surviving egg, and Erin laughs so hard that tears blur her sight.

“I should tell you to not play with your food”, she says, interrupting herself with giggles, “but that was too funny. Jesus, Holtz. Where do you come up with this stuff.”

“It’s a gift”, Holtzmann declares around a mouthful of egg, and Erin giggles again and nods her agreement; the two grin at each other over the breakfast table, then Holtzmann quickly gulps down the egg before she gets up and leans over the table, stealing a quick, but tender kiss from her girlfriend.

“And now”, she declares as she sits down again, “I shall end Eggbert’s suffering and send him to his bro, Benedeggt.”

“Eggbert”, Erin giggles, shaking her head; Holtzmann smirks at her, and winks, and then cruelly decapitates Eggbert, too, complete with a dramatic death rattle, and Erin laughs again, and thinks to herself that, if she could stop time to live in a certain moment forever, she’d do it _now_ , so happy and content and in love, something she never had dared hope for before Holtzmann, Abby and Patty had entered her life.

* * *

 

The weather’s nice, not too hot and not to cold, a perfectly lovely spring day; and so, even though it is Sunday and technically, they could spend all of it on the couch, they decide to take a walk in the park nearby, Erin arguing that fresh air is good for them, especially considering how much time they spend cooped up in the Ghostbusters HQ, and then she makes Holtzmann gasp and laugh by adding that she has to tire her out and that she’ll make her run a few laps around the park, or she’ll never go to sleep that night.

“You make me sound like a puppy!” Holtzmann yelps, dramatically placing one hand over her heart, “next, you’ll throw sticks for me to fetch!”

“No”, Erin replies, shaking her head, “but perhaps, a can of Pringles, that might even work then.”

“…yeah, it might”, Holtzmann admits instead of denying this at once, and makes Erin giggle again; she smiles, and they kiss once more, then finally head out, taking their time as they stroll to the park, hand in hand, and Erin marvels at how good even something as simple as hand-holding feels when she does it with Holtzmann.

Before Holtzmann, she thinks as they walk side by side, reach the park and enter, pleasantly surprised that not many people are around, she never thought she’d have any of this; someone who wakes up next to her, who makes her laugh until tears are in her eyes at the breakfast table – and someone who’s there when she has one of her not so good days, when she feels anxious and worried about everything, but can’t talk about it, someone who holds her if she needs it and gives her space if that is what she wants.

And now, she has all that in her life, and so much more; she feels happy and loved, has felt like this every day since Holtzmann and she kissed for the first time, and she hopes it never stops.

“Holtz”, she says out loud, makes the engineer look at her; she stops walking, and Holtzmann stops too, they turn so they face each other, the need to embrace the smaller woman suddenly so strong that Erin has no chance to withstand it, and so she hugs her girlfriend, holds her close and takes in her scent.

“I love you”, she mumbles into her ear; it’s not the first time she says this, and when Holtzmann says “I love you, too” in reply, it’s not the first time she says it, either, but it still makes Erin’s heart flutter in her chest, and makes her smile wide enough so that she wonders if perhaps, the corners of her mouth will touch her ears any moment.

She pulls Holtzmann closer for a kiss, and Holtzmann kisses her back eagerly at once; then, they continue walking, talking about everything and nothing, enjoying the time they have together, all the good things they can share with each other.


	6. Mending the Breaks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Based on this prompt from tumblr, which pretty much says it all: erin gets badly hurt (prob on a bust), and has to be put in a coma. there's lots of angst, but when she wakes up holtzbert admit/realise their feelings for each other :)  
> After the fluff-fest of the previous chapter, I really got into the angst for this one. Enjoy! And as always, if you have a prompt you'd like to see from me, hit me up! :D

It had been one hundred and forty-four hours, twenty-five minutes and thirty-nine seconds since Holtzmann’s world had shattered.

She knew so exactly, keeping a running counter in her head as she sat there; the counter had started the moment the doctor had come to speak to them – she couldn’t even remember his name, even though she saw him several times each day – and it had been running ever since, and she knew it wouldn’t stop until everything would be fine again.

If everything would never be fine again, it’d never stop.

The others had tried to talk her into going home, during the first forty-eight hours, telling her that what she was doing wasn’t healthy, and that Erin wouldn’t want her to do that; then, when they had realized that nothing they said could get her to leave, they had given up on that front, and instead brought her food and drinks now, and made sure she consumed the stuff, too, explaining that the last thing they needed was that she’d crash and burn from exhaustion.

She wouldn’t have cared if she had, she figured she deserved it for her failure, but she ate and drank what they brought her, mechanically and without tasting anything of it, and if they wouldn’t have brought her anything, she wouldn’t have noticed, either.

One hundred and forty-four hours, twenty-six minutes and fifty-eight seconds in a broken world.

From the corner of her eye, Holtzmann registered the door opening, but didn’t look, keeping her eyes on the result of her failure instead; she heard footsteps approach, then a white lab coat moved through her field of vision, and she wanted to look away, she didn’t want to see this, but she didn’t allow herself to.

By now, the doctors and nurses had gotten used to her constant presence, and to the fact that she hardly acknowledged them even when they spoke to her, and so, they did their work in silence now, having given up on trying to make her leave the room for this.

Unlike Holtzmann, Abby and Patty did wait outside when a doctor came for the check-up; and the moment the elder woman had gotten done and had left the room, the two came back in, Patty handing a bottle of water to the engineer, who took it without looking at her, gaze fixed on the bed she sat at.

One hundred and forty-four hours, thirty-five minutes and eleven seconds in a broken world.

“Holtzy”, Patty said softly, sitting down next to her, deciding that she had to at least try once more to make her friend see reason, unperturbed by the fact that Holtzmann still didn’t look at her, “you know she wouldn’t want you to do this. Go home. Sleep.”

“No.” The reply was short and Holtzmann still didn’t look at her, but at least, Patty figured, she’d gotten a reply this time; the last few times, Holtzmann had only shrugged or shaken her head, so this was a definite improvement.

“It’s not your fault”, she went on, “you know Erin’s gonna say the same once she—”

“The ghost rushed at her”, Holtzmann interrupted her tonelessly, speaking more words than she had the previous days combined, but now, Patty and Abby weren’t so sure anymore if this truly was an improvement, “she tried to shoot it and the gun malfunctioned. The gun I built for her.”

The whole time, she’d kept her eyes on the bed, on Erin, her dreadfully still form; she was hooked up to a bunch of machines, one of them helping her breathe and hissing softly, the other monitoring her heartbeat, steady beeps emanating from it, and a third one registering her brain waves.

Holtzmann was sure that the doctor had given them a detailed list of the damage which had been done to the physicist when the ghost had hit her with the force of a speeding car and had slammed her against the wall behind her, but white noise had drowned him out after the words “brain swelling” and “medically induced coma” had been said.

One hundred and forty-four hours, forty-one minutes and seven seconds in a broken world.

“It’s not your fault”, Patty repeated patiently, and this time, Holtzmann just shook her head again, not accepting the absolution the historian was offering; not knowing what else she could say, Patty reached out and placed one hand on the engineer’s shoulder, and at least, this time, Holtzmann didn’t shy away from her touch, but didn’t really react to it, either, just sitting there, looking at Erin.

Looking at Erin had been all she had done the past days, looking at what her failure had done to the redhead, memorizing every single scrape and bruise she could see, bruises which were fading by now, but Holtzmann knew what they had looked like when they’d been fresh, and she’d never let herself forget.

Patty squeezed her shoulder, then pulled her hand back, and they just sat there in silence, listening to the beeping and hissing of the machines; and the whole time, Holtzmann didn’t look away, telling herself it was her fault and her fault alone.

One hundred and forty-four hours, forty minutes and eighteen seconds in a broken world.

Holtzmann wondered if her world would ever mend again.

* * *

 

After one hundred ninety-eight hours, sixteen minutes and ten seconds, Erin opened her eyes.

The doctor had said that the swelling had gone back, and that they could bring her back from the coma, but Holtzmann hadn’t dared to believe it would work until Erin actually opened her eyes; and she didn’t allow herself to feel relief, not yet, not when she didn’t know yet if Erin truly would be fine, or if perhaps, damage had been done after all, irreparable damage to her brain, destroying that brilliant mind.

The doctor talked to Erin, in a soft, kind voice, and Erin responded, and Holtzmann figured that this was good; then the doctor talked to Abby, and Patty talked to Erin, all in soft, calm voices, and Holtzmann just sat there, staring at her, and slowly, she allowed herself to hope that it might be alright.

The doctor said something about Erin needing some proper rest, now that she’s not in a coma anymore, and apparently, Erin agreed, since she was fast asleep within moments; Holtzmann told herself that it was a good kind of sleep though, not bad like the coma, a good kind of sleep which will help her heal.

One hundred ninety-eight hours, twenty-four minutes and seventeen seconds, and the world was still broken, but for the first time since Erin had been put into the ambulance, Holtzmann allowed herself to hope that maybe, it could get better again.

* * *

 

It’d been two hundred and forty-two hours, eighteen minutes and fifty-six seconds, and Erin truly was getting better; she was well enough to sit up – if she let the bed kinda sorta push her into a sitting positon by raising the bed-head with the little remote control – the painkillers kept the pain at bay, and her brain was, to the endless relief of Abby, Patty and Holtzmann, just fine, the swelling having gone down and no damage remaining.

She still was far from perfectly fine, they all knew; she got tired quickly, especially when she talked, but she would be fine at some point, and that was the important thing.

The world was still broken though, and so, Holtzmann just sat there in silence as Abby and Patty talked to Erin; she barely registered that the two said something about food and Erin needing rest, but she did register that they left, the door clicking shut softly behind Abby, but the silence didn’t last very long, because Erin broke it fairly quickly. “Holtz.”

_Here it comes,_ Holtzmann thought to herself, staring down on her feet; she’d been kind of expecting it the whole time since Erin had opened her eyes, and she knew she’d deserve it, all of it. The accusations. The question about how she could let this happen. The confirmation that she failed, that it was her fault, and maybe, Erin would even tell her that she had to leave the team, because she was a danger to the others.

“Holtz”, Erin said again, and her voice was kinder than it should be, “please look at me.”

Holtzmann didn’t really want to, not quite willing to face the look she imagined to be in Erin’s eyes – the blame, maybe anger, maybe disdain; she forced herself to raise her eyes though, and felt oddly confused when Erin’s eyes were as kind and caring as her voice had been.

“Stop doing this to yourself”, Erin said, still in that kind tone, and the words were the last thing Holtzmann had been expecting to hear, “stop blaming yourself. It’s not your fault.”

Holtzmann’s world shattered all over again, and before she could even attempt to stop it, she started to cry.

She’d been sitting close to the bed the whole time, and so, Erin could reach out and put one hand on her arm; there was an almost healed scrape on the back of said hand, and that only made Holtzmann cry harder, with sobs so violent that her whole body trembled.

She could feel Erin tug at her arm, and let it happen that the physicist pulled her closer; and even though their positions made it a bit awkward, Erin wrapped her up in a surprisingly tight embrace, and began rubbing her back, and telling her over and over that it wasn’t her fault.

“I’m sorry”, Holtzmann finally brought out, between sobs, “I’m so sorry, I… this never should have happened… Erin I’m sorry…”

“Shhh”, Erin cooed in reply, still rubbing her back, “it’s not your fault. It’s not your fault, and I’m going to be fine, you heard what the doctor said, it’s all going to be fine. Please stop doing this to yourself.”

“I made that gun for you”, Holtzmann pointed out in reply, not sobbing as violently anymore, but still crying, “and I messed up and you got hurt and I’m so sorry…”

“Stop it”, Erin told her once more, pulling back a bit so she could look her in the face, “please, Holtzmann, stop. Don’t do this. Come on, look at me.”

Holtzmann did, and Erin moved both hands to cup her face, then wiped off her tears; this only made her cry harder again though, and she moved forward once more to bury her face in Erin’s shoulder, the physicist rubbing her back again, holding her the best she could in the not exactly ideal position, eager to give her some comfort.

It wasn’t helping much, Erin could tell, and she couldn’t find the words to make it better; she’d never been good with words, never in her life, but this was the first time it truly bothered her, as she knew that she had to find the right ones now.

And suddenly, it hit her, a sort of epiphany, and Erin knew just what to say and what to do to make it better.

“Holtz”, she started, making sure her voice was calm and kind, “let me tell you something. When that ghost slammed into me, and I realized I would get hurt…”

She paused when Holtzmann lifted her head again and looked at her, tears still rolling down her cheeks; Erin smiled at her, her arms still around her, and kept rubbing her back, making sure to keep up the eye contact as she continued.

“There was only one thing I regretted”, she let her know, “one thing I thought I should have done differently. Can I tell you what that was?”

“Not use my weapons?” Holtzmann mumbled in a low voice, and immediately, Erin shook her head; she let her hands slide over the engineer’s back and up to her face again, gently placing them along her jawline, still holding the eye contact as she replied.

“That I never found the courage to do this.” She took another moment to hold Holtzmann’s gaze, giving her an out if she wanted one – and then she leaned in and kissed the engineer, a tender and soft kiss which let her taste the salt of Holtzmann’s tears and which made her heart skip a few beats in excitement.

The kiss remained fairly innocent, and didn’t last very long; by the time Erin pulled back again though, Holtzmann had stopped crying, staring at her somewhat gobsmacked, making it clear that this had been the last thing she had expected.

“I should have done this much sooner”, Erin told her, moving both hands again to grasp the engineer’s, “but I guess I had to end up in dreadful danger to admit to myself how much you mean to me. So, at least something good came of this, huh? Unless you tell me now that the flirting was just for fun, because then I just made a huge idiot out of myself.”

She laughed, a bit nervously, showing that, even though she tried to pass it off as a joke, it wasn’t as light-hearted as she tried to make it seem; Holtzmann still looked a bit dazed, but managed to shake her head, and even smiled a bit afterwards, the tremble not yet fully gone from her voice when she replied, but at least, Erin reasoned, she wasn’t crying anymore.

“It wasn’t”, Holtzmann then confirmed verbally as well, her gaze dropping to Erin’s hands holding hers, then coming back up to meet her eyes again, “it never was. I meant it from day one.”

Erin smiled at her, then pulled her closer for another kiss; Holtzmann still couldn’t forgive herself fully for what had happened to the physicist, but she knew that Erin would be fine again soon, and as their lips met once more, the counter vanished from her mind.

And when they pulled apart, her world was whole again.


	7. Grounded

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Based on this prompt I got on tumblr: "Holtzmann and sensory overload"  
> I have to say I never wrote about this topic before. I did some research on it before writing this one-shot, but I apologize in advance if I messed it up :-/

Erin was quite sure that this had been the busiest week they’d had since they had saved New York.

There had been a whole lot of busts, more than one on several days; and when they hadn’t been out busting ghosts, they’d been busy at their HQ, doing their paperwork and research and calculations, the frequency of explosions from Holtzmann’s upstairs lab increasing more and more with each day, making it quite obvious that the lack of sleep and constant stress was getting to the normally cheerful and easy-going engineer, as well.

Apart from the increasing frequency of explosions, Erin also noted that Abby was getting more and more concerned about Holtzmann with each day that passed; she made more frequent trips to the second floor than usual, often with food and drink in hand, and, apparently knowing that telling Holtzmann to get sleep wouldn’t do any good, always made sure that coffee was ready in the morning.

They all practically lived in the HQ by now, nobody having gone home for the past few days; and later, Erin would realize that it had been a good thing, not wanting to imagine how much worse things could have been if she hadn’t been there.

They had agreed upon one of them sleeping up on the second floor each night, just in case Holtzmann’s obvious exhaustion got the better of her and she needed some sort of support; that night, it had been Erin’s turn, and she had fallen asleep on the couch to the sound of Holtzmann repairing one of the proton packs which had gotten damaged during the last bust, her own exhaustion sending her off into dreamland minutes after she had rested her head on the pillow.

Part of her had been sure that an explosion would wake her up, and so, she wasn’t even truly surprised when a loud noise tore her out of her slumber; only a few seconds later, she realized that it hadn’t been an explosion, but an unpleasantly loud police siren down on the street, flickering red and blue light filling the lab as the car drove past outside.

Groaning in dismay at the interruption of her slumber (and a rather pleasant dream involving Holtzmann, her and a bed), Erin rolled over on the couch, eager to go back to sleep… and just then, she heard the small whimper, and within the blink of an eye was wide awake, as if someone had doused her in cold water.

For a moment, she allowed herself to think that maybe, she had imagined it, half asleep as she still was… and then she heard it again, and knew she hadn’t, her heart hammering up to her throat as she got up from the couch, squinting as she waited for her eyes to adjust.

Another whimper, barely audible, reached her ears, just loud enough to help her locate the source; all she wanted was to rush over there, but she knew that this might only make things worse, and so, she forced herself to walk slowly, approaching Holtzmann’s workbench from where the noise had come, her heart aching for the engineer when she spotted her at last.

Holtzmann was on the ground next to the workbench, her back against one of its legs; her knees were drawn up to her chest, her hands in her hair and her eyes squeezed shut, making her look as if she was trying to be as small as possible and block out the world around her.

“Holtzmann?” Erin softly said, making sure to not sound too loud; she had never seen this happen to the engineer before, but had a vague idea what it might be, something which only got confirmed when Holtzmann let out another small whimper in response.

“Too much”, the engineer then brought out, in a tiny, trembling voice which broke Erin’s heart, “it’s too much, I can’t…”

Slowly, not wanting to startle her and make it even worse, Erin lowered herself into a crouch next to the blonde; she wasn’t sure if Holtzmann had actually registered her being there, and also not sure if she could dare to touch her, her mind racing as she tried to remember how to handle this.

She’d had a roommate, in college, who had been prone to pulling all-nighters for several days in a row, and when it’d gotten too much, the girl had suffered from sensory overload; and she had acted just like Holtzmann did now then, trying to block out the world, and she had hated it to be touched whenever it had happened, as it only had made things worse for her.

“Holtz”, she said again, still in the softest, kindest voice she could manage; she wasn’t quite sure if talking might not make it worse, too, but she wanted Holtzmann to know that she was there, and that she could help her, if she wanted and needed her to. “Holtz, if you need anything, or need me to do anything, I’m here. I can help.”

“Light”, Holtzmann half said, half groaned after a few seconds had ticked by in silence, eyes still squeezed shut, “too much. Too bright.”

The only light in the room was what filtered in through the windows from the street lamps outside; and anyone else might have wasted valuable time questioning Holtzmann’s words because of that, but Erin simply nodded, then got up and moved from window to window and pulled down the blinds, the lab gradually darkening more and more.

Once the last blind had been pulled down, she paused, needing a few moments to adjust again; then she slowly and carefully walked back to the workbench, where Holtzmann still sat, even though she had raised her head now, their eyes meeting in the dark.

Not quite sure still if touching would be okay, Erin crouched down next to the blonde again, and simply looked at her; for a few moments, Holtzmann looked back at her, then her gaze dropped down onto her thighs, and Erin realized, a bit belatedly and with quite a bit of amazement, that her friend was embarrassed.

She never would have thought anything in the world could make Holtzmann feel embarrassed.

“Hey”, she said, still in that soft, kind tone, and now she saw that it had an impact on the engineer, her eyes glistening suspiciously all at once, “don’t feel bad. It’s okay.”

Holtzmann just shrugged in response, still finding it hard to look at the physicist; Erin reached out and touched her shoulder, just for a moment, but when that brought on no negative reaction, she let her hand rest there, her heart aching for her friend again when, despite the darkness, she noticed how Holtzmann’s face worked as she tried to hold back the tears.

“Do you want me to leave?” Erin asked, holding back the urge to rub her shoulder, but just letting her hand lie there, knowing that rubbing might make it worse again, “I won’t be offended if you do. It’s alright.”

Holtzmann shook her head, then took in a watery breath; despite her valiant efforts though, she lost the fight at last, and a few tears rolled down her cheeks, Erin’s heart breaking for her all over again.

Somewhat angrily, Holtzmann wiped at her eyes, in an oddly child-like gesture; not quite sure what she could do to help, Erin just kept her hand on the engineer’s shoulder, figuring that simply being there was the best she could do now, especially after Holtzmann had declined the offer to be left alone.

“You know”, she said, by now quite sure that talking was alright, as long as she kept her voice low and kind, judging from how well Holtzmann had reacted to that, “you probably noticed by now, but… my mental health isn’t grandiose on the best of days. I’ve never gone through what just happened to you, but… I have panic attacks. Less of them these days, it was much worse after I… abandoned Abby, but they still happen. So I know what it feels like, to have something you can’t control happen to you. And it’s okay. It happens. Don’t be ashamed.”

“Hasn’t happened in a while”, Holtzmann mumbled after taking a few moments to process what Erin just had told her, still staring at her legs, but, to Erin’s relief, not crying anymore; the physicist gave her another smile, daring to rub her shoulder now, glad when she felt the engineer relax beneath her tender touch.

“Do you need me to get you anything?” she asked after a minute had ticked by in silence, “something to drink? Or Pringles?”

At the offer of Pringles, Holtzmann managed a weak smile, to Erin’s delight; she shook her head though, briefly glancing at her before she focused on her legs again, sounding oddly timid when she replied. “No, but… could you just… stay here with me for a while? …hold me?”

“Sure”, Erin replied at once, moving slightly so she sat next to her, then putting one arm around her shoulders; she placed her other hand on one of Holtzmann’s, and after a moment, the engineer intertwined their fingers, earning another smile from the physicist.

“Thanks”, Holtzmann mumbled once they both had gotten comfortable, “for… that, and for telling me about yourself. It’s good to know I’m not alone.”

“You’re not”, Erin reassured her at once, rubbing her shoulder and upper arm again, “you got all of us. You’ll never be alone again.”

Holtzmann managed another weak smile at that, and Erin smiled back at her; then, she leaned in to press a tender kiss to the smaller woman’s temple, just holding her close afterwards and keeping her grounded, sitting like this with her for a long time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am always taking Holtzbert prompts - if you have any, hit me up at dreamshapers-universe.tumblr.com :D


	8. Little Ball of Fur

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Based on this prompt from tumblr: A drabble with Holtz and a kitten being best buds? Maybe she found it while dumpster diving and now it's just constantly close by, sitting on her shoulder or on her head, Holtz explaining her blueprints to it etc. Erin naturally finds it adorable.
> 
> I love kittens, so of course I was overjoyed to get this. Also, I ignored Abby's cat allergy for this x)

“Latte Macchiato for Abby, Caramel Macchiato for Patty”, Erin declared as she put the coffees down on the table at HQ, “Abby, here’s your bagel, Patty, they were out of cinnamon rolls so I got you an apple cinnamon donut instead, I hope that’s alright.”

“Fine, thanks”, Patty reassured her, accepting the brown paper bag; Erin smiled at her, then made her way upstairs with the two remaining cups, containing her coffee – regular cappuccino, no sugar – and the unholy concoction Holtzmann had ordered, a frighteningly sugary mixture of coffee and milk and an amount of syrups which had made the barista go wide-eyed in disbelief.

“Just so you know”, the physicist declared as she approached the top of the stairs leading to Holtzmann’s lab, “I love you, but I will never, ever order something like this for you again. The man looked at me as if…”

She reached the top of the stairs and trailed off, stunned into silence; Holtzmann looked over at her and smiled from where she standing at the workbench, then focused on her work again.

“Holtzmann”, Erin started, then realized that she wasn’t quite sure how to continue and fell silent again; unable to look away from the engineer, she got moving again, placing the coffees and snacks she had gotten them on the nearest table, miraculously managing to not drop anything as she still couldn’t take her eyes off Holtzmann.

“Holtz”, she tried again, taking a tentative step closer, “Holtzmann. You _are_ aware that there is a kitten sitting on your head, right.”

“Of course I’m aware of that, babe”, Holtzmann replied, as if it was the most natural thing in the world to have a kitten perched on top of her head, said kitten letting out an adorable little meow as if in agreement, “she likes it up there. Apparently, my hair’s comfy.”

“Well, it is fluffy and nice to touch”, Erin agreed thoughtlessly, then shook her head as she realized that this wasn’t the most important topic right now, “but, well, _why_ is there a kitten sitting on your head?”

“Because my hair is fluffy and nice to touch, my girlfriend just said so”, the engineer replied at once, smirking at the look Erin shot her for that, “okay, fine, don’t give me that look. I found her in the dumpster when I was looking for parts.”

By now, Erin had given up on telling Holtzmann that she didn’t need to go dumpster diving anymore, with the government funding them and paying for everything they needed; she figured that this was some weird way to relax for her partner – of course Holtzmann, being Holtzmann, couldn’t just relax with a cup of tea and a good book, the way regular people did, but then again, this was part of her charm – but this was the first time that the engineer actually had brought home something else than bits and pieces for her work.

“You should have seen her”, Holtzmann continued, reaching up with one hand to rub the kitten’s light grey fur and earning another adorable meow, “she was all frightened and meowed at me so pitifully. I just couldn’t leave poor Marie there.”

“Marie, huh”, Erin smiled, having to admit that, even though she wasn’t sure having a kitten around the lab was a good idea, the little animal was all too adorable, “you named her after Marie Curie, I suppose?”

“Sure did”, Holtzmann confirmed, then froze as the kitten began an adventurous descent from her head, ending up on her shoulder and curling up there, purring contently, “and now that she has a name, we can’t throw her out on the street again, that would be rude.”

She nodded solemnly, but Erin knew her well by now, and could see the unasked question and the pleading in her eyes; she wondered what Abby and Patty might say to this, but already knew she wouldn’t be able to say no, not with the way Holtzmann was looking at her.

“I guess it would be”, she thus said, “just… make sure this is safe? What if she knocks something over and makes it explode? We both know how likely explosions are to happen in this lab.”

“I’ll keep an eye on her”, Holtzmann promised at once, overjoyed at the physicist’s quick agreement, “and I’ll do everything else, too, feed her and take care of her litter box and clean up. That reminds me though, I have to build her a litterbox.”

“You know you can get those things at the store, right”, Erin smiled, moving closer to her partner and reaching out for the kitten slowly, glad when it didn’t hiss at her, but purred audibly when she started rubbing it, and then bumped its tiny grey head against her palm and made her smile widen.

“Of course one can get those things at a store”, Holtzmann said, smiling at Erin’s interaction with the little grey bundle of fluff, “but that’s boring. That’s what normal people do. I’m gonna build her the most awesome litterbox ever known to mankind, a true Holtzmann original.”

“Of course”, Erin replied, laughing now; the engineer smirked, and winked, then leaned in for a gentle kiss, mumbling “Thank you” afterwards, the physicist just giving her another smile before she gave the kitten another tender caress, her smile widening at the meow it let out in response.

“Adorable”, she then gushed, Holtzmann nodding her agreement enthusiastically; kitten Marie let out another meow, then clambered back to the top of the engineer’s head, and Erin giggled as she got out her phone to take the first picture of many, getting comfortable at her own desk afterwards, even though she already knew she wouldn’t get much work that done day, not with the adorable picture Holtzmann made with the newest addition to their team.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Still taking prompts! ;) Hit me up if you like at dreamshapers-universe.tumblr.com


	9. Tissues and Tea

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Based on this tumblr prompt: I'd really like to see Holtz get the flu or something and either try to hide it and work through it, or deny/not realize until Erin comes around and fixes everything xD

“Holtzmann. You’re sick.” Abby gave her best to sound strict, crossing her arms over her chest and looking at the engineer over the rim of her glasses; Holtzmann let out an overly dramatic gasp and clutched at her heart in reply, clearly not taking her seriously.

“Abby”, she then said, shaking her head, “and here I thought we were friends. You wound me.”

“Not that kind of sick, doofus”, Abby replied, rolling her eyes, “you have a cold. Or the flu. Or something.”

“Do not”, Holtzmann gave back without missing a beat, not surprising Abby in the slightest – she’d known Holtzmann for a while now, and the engineer hadn’t been sick often in that time, but when it had happened, she always had denied it, had tried to work through it or ignored it, no matter how hard Abby had tried to make her go home and get some rest.

“Do too”, she insisted, “you’ve sneezed like fifteen times in the past hour, you’re blowing your nose all the time, and your face is all flushy. You got a cold. Or the flu. Go home.”

“Nope”, Holtzmann shook her head, and Abby could’ve sworn that she saw her eyes glaze over briefly and quickly figured out that she’d made herself dizzy, “I’m fine.”

“Fine”, Abby sighed, “if you say so. I was hoping it wouldn’t come to this, but you leave me no choice.”

“What”, the engineer flatly replied, clearly not having an idea what Abby was talking about, “no choice about what?”

“I’m gonna rat you out to your girlfriend when she comes in”, Abby declared, and then darted to the stairway before Holtzmann could say something; the blonde stared after her for a while, then shook her head – which made her dizzy again, an unpleasant fact she easily ignored – and focused on her work again.

She didn’t get to focus for long though, because after just ten minutes, footsteps came up behind her, and then Erin appeared by her side and, without warning, pressed the back of her hand against Holtzmann’s forehead, shaking her head afterwards.

“Abby told me you’re being sick and stubborn”, she stated, with a strict look at the engineer, “and I have to say, I agree with her. You’re having a fever, Holtz.”

“Do not”, Holtzmann denied at once, then turned away from her project and sneezed loudly; Erin rolled her eyes and pointed at the weapon the blonde was working on, now sounding strict as well when she replied. “Yes, you do, and I don’t think you should sneeze around your toys. You could make one of them blow up, and then you wouldn’t just be sick, but injured too, and I’d be sad. Do you want me to be sad?”

“No”, Holtzmann mumbled, sniffling audibly; with a sigh, Erin reached into her purse and brought out a tissue, handing it to the engineer wordlessly, and raising an eyebrow when Holtzmann blew her nose quite noisily.

“Okay”, the blonde conceded afterwards, trying to hand the tissue back to Erin and, after a look from the redhead which practically screamed “Seriously?!”, tucking it into her pocket, to the physicist’s quite obvious chagrin, “maybe I’m not a hundred percent good. But I’m not sick-sick. I can work.”

“I’d be fine with that if you did work which does not involve nuclear materials and flammable things”, Erin let her know, “but I’m not letting you work around unstable weapons and ghost traps when you’re not well. Come on, Holtz, get some rest. For me?”

She knew Holtzmann couldn’t resist her puppy dog eyes, and so she used them against her; she added a pout for good measure, and as predicted, Holtzmann had no chance against that onslaught, dropping her screwdriver with a small sigh and a look of dismay at the redhead.

“You know I can’t say no to you when you look at me like that”, she told her girlfriend, coming to her feet though, “and you totally abused that skill. Erin. With great power comes great responsibility.”

“Indeed”, Erin nodded at once, and Holtzmann realized too late that she had set herself up perfectly for what the physicist said next, and groaned, “and as your girlfriend, it is my responsibility to make sure you’re well. Or get well, in this case. So, off to bed you go.”

“Fiiiiine”, Holtzmann grumbled, coming to her feet; Erin smiled at her, then placed a comforting hand on her back, and walked to the little room at the back of the lab with her, where the engineer practically lived by now, even though she still had her apartment.

“Abby’s gonna get you some medicine”, Erin let Holtzmann know as she shrugged off her lab coat, then pulled off her pants, finishing her preparations for bed by taking off her glasses and placing them on the overturned milk crate she used as a nightstand, “and if you’re a good engineer and take it all, I’ll reward you once you are better.”

“Yeah?” Holtzmann wanted to know, raising an eyebrow at her, and trying for a seductive smirk – only to ruin the effect by sneezing heartily again, and Erin shook her head, pointing at the bed afterwards.

“Yeah”, she confirmed, “but only if you are a good Holtz now. So lie down.”

“Fine”, the engineer sighed, then flopped down onto the bed; ever the caring partner, Erin covered her up with the blanket, then straightened up, letting her know that she’d go and make her some tea, and bring up the medicine once Abby was back from the drugstore.

“Okay”, Holtzmann mumbled, all at once looking tired, as if the act of lying down had made her body realize that she indeed was sick and had to get some sleep; Erin smiled, then bent over her, tenderly brushing a few strands of hair which had gotten loose out of the blonde’s face, then pressing a brief, but tender kiss to her forehead.

“Get some rest”, she advised, “I’ll keep you company after you took a little nap. I’ll read Harry Potter to you, too, if you nap for more than an hour.”

“But you gotta do the voices”, Holtzmann mumbled, sounding as if she was half asleep already; Erin laughed and reassured her that she would, then left the room, gently closing the door behind herself, Holtzmann fast asleep just a minute later, secretly glad that now, she had someone to take care of her like this.


	10. Pride

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Based on this tumblr prompt: What about Erin's first time at Pride?  
> Lotsa fluff and a teeny tiny bit of jealous!Erin x)

“I know it’s probably silly”, Erin stated with a small grimace, “but I’m kind of nervous. We’re not gonna get booed or something right?”

“Shouldn’t happen”, Holtzmann reassured her, smiling as she watched her get ready; unlike the engineer, who had gone all out for the event, wearing rainbow-coloured items from head to toe, except for her glasses and shoes, Erin was much more discreet, even though she had gone as far as wearing a shirt with the colours of the bisexual pride flag, and had pinned a rainbow flag pin to her lapel.

“There are protesters, usually”, Holtzmann continued, “but I’m not even sure we’ll notice much of them, being part of the parade and all. That’s the first time I’m in the parade, actually, and not in the audience, I’m excited.”

She bounced a bit on the spot as if to show how excited she was, and Erin smiled, even though she got nervous again – after all, she’d never been to Pride, neither in the audience, and certainly not as part of the parade itself.

The Ghostbusters had been officially invited to be in this year’s parade though, and saying no hadn’t been an option for even a second, and so, here she was now, getting ready to attend her very first gay pride parade, with her best friends and her girlfriend and their loveable puppy of a secretary.

She smiled to herself as she watched how Holtzmann sat down to tie her boots, fondness and warmth in her gaze, a small smile curling her lips when she thought about how, if someone had told her a year ago she’d be part of a team called Ghostbusters and would date one of them, too, she would have laughed and called them crazy.

And yet, here she was, Ghostbuster par excellence, girlfriend of Dr Jillian Holtzmann, and getting ready to attend her very first pride parade.

“Whatcha grinning at?” Holtzmann wanted to know, with a smile of her own, and Erin realized that her small smile indeed had turned into an all-out grin; she shrugged, then moved closer to the engineer just as she straightened up, putting both arms around her, only grinning wider when the hug was returned at once.

“I was just thinking”, she explained, a pleasant shiver running up and down her spine when Holtzmann lightly rubbed her back, just with the tips of her fingers, “how all of this turned out. A year ago, I was close to getting tenure at Columbia, and now here I am, busting ghosts for a living and dating you and it’s all so… wonderful.”

“It all worked out really well, didn’t it”, Holtzmann agreed, making the physicist nod; the couple shared a brief, tender kiss, pulling apart again just when the door burst open and Abby and Patty practically stormed into the room, their excitement making Erin grin quite happily again.

“Are you guys ready?” Patty cried, waving two of the flags they’d had made in excitement, said flags rainbow-coloured and with the Ghostbusters logo in the middle, “man, Erin, I can’t believe you’ve never been to Pride before.”

“I never had anyone to go with”, Erin shrugged, not all too perturbed by her past loneliness anymore, “and going alone just seemed… weird.”

“Ha”, Holtzmann let out, “imagine if you had gone before the whole Ghostbusters thing got started, we might have met there! I totally would have hit on you.”

“And I would have blushed, and stuttered”, Erin dryly gave back, earning a snort of laughter from her girlfriend; she smiled back at her, then kissed her once more, both of them easily ignoring it when Abby and Patty started commenting on how they were way too sugary sweet.

“Come on people”, Abby then commanded, clapping her hands, “we gotta get moving or we’ll be late!”

“You’re gonna love what I did to our car”, Holtzmann announced as they got moving, “and Patty, before you yell at me about it, no worries, it all washes off. I used…”

She had been planning to say that she had used paint which would easily come off and wouldn’t damage the car’s finish; her words got stuck in her throat though when the group stepped into the reception area of the firehouse and saw Kevin, their receptionist grinning back at them innocently – wearing nothing but a very tight, rainbow-coloured thong and suspenders.

“Don’t I look nice?” he demanded to know as he turned, showing more of his butt than Holtzmann had ever wanted to see, and she briefly glanced at Erin, curious if this would affect her partner – the physicist had gotten over her infatuation with Kevin even before Holtzmann and she had kissed for the first time, but seeing him like this might bring those thoughts back with quite the force.

Clearly though, Erin was quite unaffected, merely raising an eyebrow at his lack of clothes; she shook her head and smiled to herself, then commented on how no one would pay them any attention with Kevin looking like this, only for her face to fall when Patty pointed out that plenty of gay and bi women would still focus on them and wouldn’t care much about their receptionist.

“Don’t tell me that or I’ll get nervous all over again”, Erin grumbled, earning a laugh from the historian; and then, they all moved to the garage and were on their way just a few minutes later, Patty excitedly talking about the history of Pride the whole way, while Erin still felt nervous, but figured that everything would be just fine as long as she had her friends and her partner by her side.

* * *

 

To her chagrin, Erin learned very quickly that there indeed were a lot of women at the parade who had no interest in Kevin at all; that all by itself wouldn’t have bothered her, but what did bother her was that the interest they did not have in their receptionist was focused on Holtzmann instead.

The four of them were on the roof of Ecto-1, so people could get a good look at them and cheer for them, while Kevin was driving; and even though Holtzmann and she stood side by side, and were holding hands, too, the majority of people either didn’t know or didn’t care about their relationship, yelling things like “Marry me Dr Holtzmann!” and “I love you Holtz!”

Telling herself that it was ridiculous to feel jealous at this, Erin tried to keep these feelings at bay; Holtzmann didn’t react much to the shouts, simply waving at people and grinning joyfully, and Erin figured she would have done that even if no one had yelled for her to marry them.

“Man, Holtzy”, Patty commented as Abby and she handed the flags with the logo out to anyone who made a grab for one, “those girls got it bad for you. You always been able to impress ‘em so easily?”

“They just find me hot, they don’t know me”, Holtzmann replied, shrugging, “the only one I truly did want to impress is right here next to me.”

“Aww”, Abby gushed, while Erin just smiled, blushing a bit, “that is so sweet. Seriously, one of these days we’ll get cavities from the two of you.”

“We’ll pay for the dentist”, Erin replied, making her friends snort – and just then, a bra sailed through the air, and landed square between Holtzmann and the physicist, the redhead flinching at the unexpected flying object, prompting Holtzmann to quickly grab her around the waist, just to make sure she wouldn’t end up falling off the vehicle.

“I’m gonna come pick that one up at your HQ, Holtz!” a female voice yelled from the crowd, Erin getting a bit huffy at how brash this was, only feeling more irritated by what the woman said next, “maybe you can show me yours, then, too?”

On a normal day, Erin thought, she had pretty good impulse control; the excitement of being part of the parade though, coupled with her nervousness and the fact that this woman was hitting on her girlfriend so unabashedly made her forget all about that, and she acted without thinking.

She turned slightly, grabbed Holtzmann, dipped her – the way the musclebound heroes always had dipped their damsels in distress on the covers of the tacky romance novels she secretly had read in high school – and then kissed her, with much more passion than she usually allowed herself in public, tongue and all, feeling Holtzmann grab on to her with both hands while she eagerly kissed her back.

“Alright kids, cool it”, Patty laughed when one of Holtzmann’s hands slid beneath Erin’s shirt to caress her back, the crowd cheering – except for a few ladies which did look rather disappointed at the steamy making out – and that prompted Erin to pull back from the kiss, her cheeks reddening; clearly having no such qualms about public smooching, Holtzmann just grinned at her as she straightened up again, kept her hand though were it was, not even pulling it out from beneath the physicist’s shirt.

“That”, Holtzmann told her, mumbling right into her ear so she’d be heard over the cheers and applause of the crowd, the visitors clearly quite impressed by the steamy kiss, “was the hottest thing ever. Wow, I love you.”

“Love you, too”, Erin replied, still blushing; Holtzmann gave her another bright grin, then pulled her in for another kiss, and the crowd cheered once again, and when they pulled apart again, Erin found herself grinning just as brightly as her partner, her grin widening even further when Holtzmann raised their joined hands and yelled “We’re the Ghostbusters, people!”, earning even more cheers, and making Erin more than happy that they had agreed to this.


	11. Denial

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So I imagine most, if not all of you, have seen the glorious deleted scene by now in which Holtzmann tells Gorin she's dating Erin. Erin, gasp, shock, says no! And me being me, I had to write a little something about that. See the video here: http://dinoscully.tumblr.com/post/150999868861/anyways-holtzbert-is-real-and-my-ass-is-dead-x

Holtzmann was… not quite angry, Erin thought to herself, the engineer once actually had said to her that she wasn’t even sure she _could_ get angry at her, but she was… miffed. Annoyed, maybe. And Erin couldn't really blame her.

“I know you’re upset”, she murmured, after Dr Gorin had gone home and Abby had excused herself, easily having picked up on the tension which had been between the two ever since Erin had said that little, but faithful word, “and I can’t blame you.”

“You said no”, Holtzmann replied, in an oddly flat tone, so much unlikely her usual cheeriness that it made Erin wince, “I told my _mentor_ , a woman I _look up to_ , that we are dating, and you said no.”

“I’m sorry”, Erin replied, fiddling nervously with the hem of her shirt, a habit she never had quite managed to drop, “I… I don’t know why I said that, I just spoke without thinking.”

“So if you speak without thinking after I said we are dating, your first reaction is No?” Holtzmann demanded to know, frowning, Erin swallowing heavily when she realized that she had said exactly the wrong thing, “should that make me concerned? That your gut reaction is No? What is this to you, then, just two friends banging?”

“No!” Erin gave back at once, shaking her head for good measure, “you know it’s not! I’m sorry Holtz, I don’t…”

She fell silent and took in a deep breath, trying to sort her thoughts; reaching up with one hand, she pinched the bridge of her nose, a gesture Holtzmann knew to mean that she was upset by now, and by the time the physicist was looking at her again, the blonde’s face had softened considerably, even though she still looked annoyed.

“Look”, the redhead started, suddenly finding it hard to look her in the eye, but forcing herself to not look away, anyway, “I know I hurt you, and I’m sorry, I truly am. I also know that this is no excuse but… denial has been such a big part of my life for so long, for so much, the ghosts, anything which would make me stand out, heck, I denied that I’d been fired while I carried my stuff out in a box at Columbia! It’s like… I don’t know, like the kneejerk response to anything which would make me… stand out, and when you told Dr Gorin we are dating…”

She trailed off, not quite sure that she had gotten her point across; Holtzmann just studied her in silence for a while, long enough to make her fidget nervously again – and then, the engineer suddenly smiled, not her blinding, wide grin, a bit more subdued, but a smile nonetheless, and Erin felt as if a great weight had fallen off her shoulders.

“Okay”, Holtzmann said, putting down the wrench she’d been working with and moving around the worktable to stand next to the physicist, “I get what you are talking about. I think I do, anyway, I mean, I like to think I know you by now, so… I guess I should have figured that surprisingly outing you to a complete stranger isn’t a good idea.”

“That’s not what I was aiming for”, Erin shook her head at once, “I mean, we _are_ dating, and I don’t want to deny that. You mean too much to me for that, and I know I hurt you when I told Dr Gorin no. I’ll just… need some time to adjust. I’ll try though to not respond thoughtlessly with No again the next time you tell someone we’re dating or introduce me as your girlfriend.”

“Well, Dr Gorin is gonna drop in tomorrow for another visit before she goes back to her work”, Holtzmann informed her, smirking now, the smirk which made Erin’s heart flutter excitedly, “we can practice then.”

“Yes, we can”, Erin nodded, relieved that the annoyance was gone from her partner’s features; Holtzmann gave her another smile, then pulled her in for a kiss, and she practically melted into the engineer’s embrace, briefly overwhelmed by gratitude for the ease with which Holtzmann had understood and accepted her reasoning and her actions.

When Dr Gorin came by again in the next day, the first thing Erin told her after saying Hello was that she was dating Holtzmann.


	12. Ranting and Venting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Based on this tumblr prompt:  
> So so idk you mighta already used that kristen gif as inspo for another Holtzbert fic but imagine Erin calling Holtz after the "they should put you back in therapy" shit or after like a night out where she bumps into old Columbia colleagues Or former classmates from MIT/her ex whatevs and she calls Holtz when she gets home because they've became so close now and they lay in Erins apartment making little confessions the whole night or end in smut
> 
> It turned out a bit different than planned, and of course it got longer than planned, too. There's another one in the works dealing with Erin punching the guy, because I'm hopeless haha.

It had been supposed to be a good day. That was all Erin could think about as she walked without looking where she actually was going; it had been supposed to be a good day.

She’d been invited to speak at a conference, talk to a room full of scientists about her work with the Ghostbusters, and she’d been overjoyed to do so; the talk itself had gone well, too, people listening to her and asking questions which showed her that they were taking her and the Ghostbuster’s work seriously.

The talk had gone well, even though she had been anxious and nervous about it; Holtzmann had sent her a text message just a minute before she had started – _Rock ‘em, Ghost Girl :-) –_ and that had helped, but then, all the scientists and speakers had mingled for drinks in the adjoining room, and there, things had started to go bad, and not even the encouraging text message had made that better.

She had been complimented, at first, by several men and women who had come to the conference from other states; and just when she had started to feel truly good about herself, she had been approached by one of her former Columbia colleagues, and the way the man had looked at her had told her enough even before he had opened his mouth.

“Humouring me, my ass”, she mumbled to herself as she walked, ignoring the way several of the other people walking down the sidewalk looked at her, “just because you didn’t get it, doesn’t mean the others didn’t, either.”

She tried to forget the other things he had said, but they had stung, and had left their mark; and her brain, being her treacherous anxious brain, immediately had started making up various unpleasant scenarios, about how this all had been an elaborate prank, how everyone in the audience actually had been snickering at what she had been saying and how they all just humoured her so she wouldn’t go crazy and punch them all.

_Your freak friends and you, you people are dangerous. You should be locked away!_

_They should put you back in therapy, you freak!_

Erin glumly wondered why people seemed so keen on sending her back to therapy or even locking her up; she tried to focus on the positive feedback she had gotten for her talk, but the negative voices kept pushing back to the front, and she knew herself well enough to realize that, if she’d just go home and be on her own there, they would keep getting louder and louder, until they’d send her into a panic attack, something she had gone through all too often before, even though they had happened much less ever since she’d started working with the Ghostbusters.

The last thing Erin wanted was to go through this again, and so, she pulled out her phone; a month ago, she would have thought of calling Abby first, but since she had moved her workspace up to the second floor and had begun helping Holtzmann with her work there, the engineer and she had grown much closer, and so, Holtzmann was the first one she thought of.

She opened the last text the engineer had sent her, and quickly typed up a reply, slowing down her walk a bit as she did so but not stopping, glancing up every now and then to make sure she wouldn’t bump into someone.

_[To: Holtz] Hi. Are you busy?_

She kept the phone in her hand, hoping with all her heart that Holtzmann noticed her text quickly and wasn’t actually too focused on her word to feel or hear her phone buzzing; to her relief though, the phone vibrated in her hand not even a minute later, a quick glance at the screen telling her that Holtzmann had replied, and she smiled weakly as she opened the text.

_[From: Holtz] Never too busy for you, hot stuff._

This made her smile widen, even though she still felt upset; quickly, she thumbed the button which made a call to the engineer, then stopped walking completely as she held the phone to her ear, looking around in an attempt to figure out where exactly she had wandered while she waited for Holtzmann to take the call.

“Holtzmann Industries, we make things go poof”, the engineer did just that a moment later, and despite her dismayed state, Erin found herself laughing at the absurd greeting; and even though she couldn’t see the blonde, she just knew that Holtzmann was smirking, that certain smirk she always got whenever she made Erin laugh.

“What’s up”, the engineer then demanded to know, suddenly sounding serious, “did your talk go well?”

“The talk itself did”, Erin replied, “but I ran into one of my former colleagues afterwards, you know, from Columbia, and I know I shouldn’t let it get to me so much, but… he said a few rather… mean things, and…”

“And that upset you”, Holtzmann finished for her, almost making her nod, until she realized that the blonde couldn’t see her, and let out a vaguely agreeing noise instead, touched by how easily her friend pinpointed what the reason for her call was.

“Go to your apartment”, Holtzmann went on, before she could say anything else, “I’ll meet you there in an hour?”

“Um, alright?” Erin gave back, not quite sure what to make of this; she knew better than to ask though, knowing Holtzmann wouldn’t reveal the plans she might have, “should I, um, get anything?”

“Nah, just be there”, Holtzmann replied, adding an “Excellent” after Erin had reassured her she would be; and after the goodbyes had been said and Erin had hung up, she felt better already, looking forward to whatever Holtzmann might have planned, smiling to herself as she hailed a cab, eager to get home and let herself be surprised by the engineer.

* * *

 

True to her word, Holtzmann was on her doorstep exactly an hour after they had spoken on the phone; and to Erin’s delight, she was holding a pizza box and a bottle of her favourite red wine, briefly prompting her to wonder if she ever had mentioned she liked that particular brand, a thought she quickly forgot again though when Holtzmann gave her a dazzling smile.

“Comfort food and alcohol”, the engineer then said, waving the bottle of wine around, thankfully not doing so with the pizza box, “and open Holtzmann ears for all the ranting you have to do to feel better.”

“I feel much better already”, Erin let her know, smiling as she stepped aside to let the engineer enter, then leading the way to the living room, “but I might make use of those open ears anyway, just to get it off my chest.”

“Feel free”, Holtzmann gave back, getting comfortable on the couch and opening the pizza box; Erin made a brief detour to the kitchen for cutlery, then settled next to her, handing her the corkscrew she had brought along so she could open the wine while the physicist moved pizza slices from the box to the plates.

“I already didn’t like that guy when I was still working at Columbia”, Erin then started her rant, while Holtzmann poured the wine, “he was always so condescending, and…”

It was a bit surprising to Erin, how much better it made her feel to just talk, letting out all of her frustration about the man and the things he had said to her; and Holtzmann, for all her eccentricities and sometimes erratic behaviour, turned out to be a very good listener, letting her rant to her heart’s content, only nodding at the right places or making vaguely agreeing noises, giving her all the time she needed to get it all off her chest.

* * *

 

“Wow”, Erin said quite some time later, as Holtzmann poured the last bit of wine into their glasses, “I’ve been ranting at you for so long, I’m sorry. I’m surprised your ears aren’t smoking yet.”

“Nah”, the engineer shrugged, while Erin accepted the glass from her and settled back into the position she’d been in for the past forty minutes, namely with her head resting on the blonde’s shoulder, “it’s fine. You need to vent some more, go ahead, my ears are all yours.”

“I think I’m all vented out”, Erin mumbled, taking a sip of her wine before she continued, “thanks for listening to all of this. It really helped.”

“My pleasure, hot stuff”, Holtzmann reassured her, hiding her surprise well when Erin didn’t blush at the pet name this time, “as I said, my ears are all yours.”

“Hmmm”, Erin let out, surprising the engineer yet again by moving her free hand to run it down her forearm, the fact that Holtzmann had her sleeves rolled up to the elbows giving her easy access, “your ears? What about the rest of you?”

“W-what?” Holtzmann gave back, not all too eloquent or even smart, but too dumbstruck by this unexpected development to react any other way; craning her neck so she could look at her, Erin smiled, still running the tips of her fingers over the engineer’s arm as she replied.

“What about the rest of you”, she repeated, even though she had to know that Holtzmann had heard her quite well, “would that be mine, too? If I wanted it?”

She had expected several responses to this, and none of them negative, not after all of Holtzmann’s flirting and winking and suggestive comments; what she hadn’t expected was Holtzmann pulling back slightly and frowning, and her heartrate spiked as she wondered if perhaps, she had been too daring after all.

“I don’t think we should discuss this after all this wine”, the engineer told her; Erin plucked the almost full glass from Holtzmann’s hand in response and put it on the table, setting her own down next to it, then meeting Holtzmann’s eyes with hers, making sure to sound serious and solemn when she replied.

“I’m not drunk and you know that”, she told the blonde, noticing how Holtzmann swallowed heavily, “and neither are you. Come on, we didn’t even finish the bottle and ate that huge cheesy pizza, I’m not even tipsy.”

“I just”, Holtzmann started, then fell silent and swallowed again, her gaze flickered away from Erin and focused on the wine bottle, and when she did speak on, she sounded as stilted as she had in the bar during the toast, making it obvious to Erin that this wasn’t easy for her.

“All of me can be yours, if you want it”, the engineer said, “all that flirting wasn’t just fun and games, you know. But I need to know that you mean it and that it’s not… some drunk thing. I don’t think I could take that.”

Erin fully realized how much of herself Holtzmann just had laid bare for her, and her heart flew out to the engineer; she reached out and gently touched her cheek, making her look at her again, smiling warmly at her as their eyes met once more.

“I’m not drunk”, she reassured her, in a calm and collected voice, “even though asking you if I can have all of you is way more daring than I usually am. This is not some drunk thing I will regret tomorrow morning.”

Holtzmann still didn’t look fully convinced, and so Erin decided that a non-verbal reaction was the next best step; her hand slid to the blonde’s neck, coming to a gentle rest there, and she pulled her closer, their lips meeting moments later in a tender kiss.

“So?” Erin mumbled after the kiss, running her fingers through the engineer’s hair, “can I have the rest of you, too? Today, tomorrow and after that?”

“…yes”, Holtzmann gave back after holding her gaze for another moment, and only seeing genuine warmth and desire there; and then, she leaned in to kiss her again, with much more fervour and passion this time, Erin reacting by pulling her down on top of herself without breaking the kiss, then wrapping both arms around her, all unpleasantness of the day forgotten at the feeling of Holtzmann’s kiss and touch.


	13. Her Favourite Thing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Based on this tumblr prompt: A Drabble short where Holtzy loves to make Erin happy. Like its one of her favorite things ever.
> 
> I'm all proud I managed to stop at 700 words, but I'm not sure it still counts as drabble with that number, haha. I had fun writing this though, so I hope you'll enjoy it, too :D

When Holtzmann had met Abby, her new mission in life had become to build all the wonderful things described in The Book, and for quite a while, this had been her favourite thing in the world. Working from ideas Abby and the mysterious Dr Gilbert had developed (and trying to not think about the fact that she would never meet said Dr Gilbert, because that was an unpleasant thought, she had been in love with the woman’s mind before she’d even been halfway through The Book) and making them reality and seeing the way Abby’s eyes lit up whenever she presented a new project to her.

Then Dr Erin Gilbert had walked into their lab, all indignation and annoyance and anger, and Holtzmann had been smitten the moment she had laid eyes on her.

After that, things had happened, things including ghosts and slime – and even covered in said slime, Holtzmann thought, Erin was the most beautiful woman she ever had laid eyes on – and a new location, and Holtzmann had found a new mission in life – building the most awesome gear for their group, and make sure they’d kick ghost ass with ease.

She had done well in that regard, building weapons and traps and proton packs, gear they had used when things had gotten real bad real fast; and the gear had worked just the way it had been intended to, making it possible for them to defeat Rowan and the army of ghosts he had unleashed on New York City.

After that, they received government funding, and during the days which passed after their move to the fire station, settled into a routine as they got comfortable with each other; and even though she still built their gear, and came up with new ideas and improved the things she already had built, Holtzmann had found a new mission in life.

For once, her mission was not strictly limited to building things; instead, it included much more than that, and Holtzmann made use of all the possibilities she had. Her new mission was to make Erin Gilbert smile and happy, because seeing Erin Gilbert happy was her new favourite thing in the world.

Holtzmann started that mission as any good scientist would – she collected data, noting down what Erin liked, how she drank her coffee, what she preferred on her pizza, how she liked her tacos, which sweets she liked to eat, which flowers she liked.

She watched, and collected data, and once she had enough data, she started to make use of what she had learned; by now, Erin wasn’t reacting quite as awkward to her flirting anymore, and even began to warm to her advances, but Holtzmann knew that she couldn’t be too brash, and so, she worked her charms in a subtler way than usual.

She started out by bringing Erin coffee, not every day so it wouldn’t become routine, making sure to keep it unpredictable; and just as unpredictably, she added Erin’s favourite donut every now and then, or left sunflowers on her desk, or a bag of the chocolates she knew the physicist enjoyed.

When they ordered pizza, Holtzmann made sure to casually order the one she knew Erin liked best without having to ask her; and from the way Erin smiled at her each time she did things like that, she knew that her mission was being a success.

She kept it up for weeks, endlessly patient; and as she did, Erin became more and more comfortable around her, and more and more comfortable with her flirting and casual touches, until she started to flirt back, shy and hesitant at first, then growing more daring as time passed and Holtzmann always reacted positively.

Erin’s smile after they kissed for the first time nearly blinded her, so much more radiant than the ones she usually showed, and she joked that, had she known this would happen, she would have put on her goggles before kissing the physicist.

“Dork”, Erin mumbled, then kissed her again; and Holtzmann felt her smile against her mouth, and that made her smile, too, because now, she got to make Erin happy – and making Erin happy was, after all, her favourite thing in the world.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Have a prompt you want to see or just want to yell at me about Holtzbert? Hit me up at dreamshapers-universe.tumblr.com :D


	14. Green-Eyed Monster

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Based on this tumblr prompt: Maybe jealous erin when she finds holtz and an old friend

“To the Ghostbusters”, Patty declared as she raised her glass, “for kickin’ yet another ghost’s ass! Girls, we are awesome.”

“Indeed, we are”, Erin agreed, bringing her own beer up to clink it against Patty’s, “and especially you, Patty, how you ducked that chair the ghost threw, that looked really impressive.”

“It did”, Holtzmann chimed in, sending one of her trademark smirks and winks Erin’s way and, as usual when she did so, making the physicist blush, “but it was even more impressive when you kept that ghost captured in the beam while you rolled to avoid the stuff it was throwing. You looked like Xena, Warrior Princess.”

“Why thank you”, Erin replied, smiling, “you did look quite skilled yourself during that fight, I have to say.”

Next to her, Abby rolled her eyes, didn’t comment though, at least not this time – both Patty and she had noticed the shift in the dynamic between Holtzmann and Erin, had noticed how the physicist was, while still blushing brightly every single time, reacting much less awkward and way more flattered to the engineer’s flirting and compliments, and both of them figured that it was just a matter of time until something would happen between them.

For a few more moments, Erin and Holtzmann kept looking and smiling at each other, then seemed to remember that other people were at the table with them; clearing her throat, Erin hid her blush behind her beer glass, Holtzmann clearly much less perturbed, leaning back casually into her seat as she took a swig of her own drink.

The four of them spoke of the successful bust a bit longer, then the talk turned to other topics; and soon, their drinks were empty, and Holtzmann volunteered to get refills, shaking her head when Erin asked if she should come along, reassuring her that “as a nuclear engineer, carrying four beers shouldn’t be a problem, hot stuff”, and making her blush yet again. Sometimes, Erin found herself wondering if this constant blushing could actually turn into some sort of health hazard.

It dismayed her a bit that Holtzmann hadn’t accepted her help, since this would have been a good excuse to spend some time alone with the energetic blonde; after all, Abby and Patty were quite right with their observations that slowly, but steadily, Erin was warming to Holtzmann’s advances, and the physicist was quite well aware of the fact that she wasn’t quite as straight as she might have thought herself of a year ago.

There had been a few days, when she had realized how attractive exactly Holtzmann was to her, when she had panicked about this; and then, she had told herself not to be silly, clearly, Abby and Patty had no trouble with Holtzmann being gay, so certainly, they wouldn’t mind her being bi, either, and had decided to just let things with the engineer run their course, not quite daring enough to make any real move of her own.

So, for now, she was content with smiling and blushing at the things Holtzmann said to her; she figured that sooner or later, she’d find the courage to make a flirty remark in the response (perhaps even later that night, with some liquid courage to help her along), and she was quite curious how Holtzmann might react to this, imagining the surprise, then delight which would show on the blonde’s face.

As Erin pondered this things, she looked over to the bar, realizing that Holtzmann had been gone a bit longer than strictly necessary to get drinks; and moments later, her heart seemed to stop, then plummet all the way to her stomach.

Holtzmann was standing at the bar, casually leaning against it; and next to her, chatting amiably with her, stood a woman her age, a pretty, athletic girl, and just as Erin watched, said girl reached out and briefly touched Holtzmann’s arm.

Erin never had considered herself a jealous person, but then, she’d never had someone like Holtzmann in her life before, and at the sight of the girl running her fingers over Holtzmann’s bare forearm, that green-eyed monster reared its ugly head and made her grit her teeth.

“Erin?” Abby said next to her, noticing how her mood suddenly shifted and how she set her jaw all at once, “are you… oh.”

The researcher followed Erin’s line of sight, and quickly saw what had her so riled up; as if to make sure to show that Erin’s reaction was justified, just in that moment, the woman took another step closer to Holtzmann, her hand still resting on the blonde’s arm.

“I need some fresh air”, Erin brought out, not sure why she was reacting so strongly – it wasn’t like Holtzmann and she were _dating_ or anything, they were just friends, but she had thought that Holtzmann knew about her developing feelings, and would give her the time she needed – but unable to help herself; Abby gave her a concerned look and nodded, Erin’s chair making quite the loud, unpleasant noise on the hardwood floor when she roughly pushed it back.

Not caring if she bumped into anyone, she moved through the crowd, until she stepped out the door; the cool, crisp night air hit her and briefly made her shiver, and she crossed her arms over her chest as she walked a few steps away from the bar’s entrance, not wanting to end up getting bowled over by any drunk patrons leaving.

For a while, Erin just stood there, staring at the sidewalk; she heard the door open and close a few times, and people walking away laughing and talking, ignoring them the best she could as she tried to get her feelings under control, unsure why this had hurt so much.

She didn’t bother to look when the door opened yet again, and nearly groaned when footsteps approached her, hoping that this wasn’t some sort of guy who thought she was a damsel in need of being rescued from her certainly quite obvious distress.

The footsteps stopped next to her, and Erin already braced herself for some lame pick-up line; when Holtzmann spoke up instead, it came quite unexpectedly, and she looked at the engineer in surprise, not having expected her to be the one to join her outside.

“You’re gonna catch a cold”, the blonde was saying, already pulling off her leather jacket, “here.”

She draped the jacket over Erin’s shoulders, fingers brushing her neck in the process and sending a shiver which had nothing to do with the cold down her spine; suddenly finding it hard to look at the smaller woman, Erin let her gaze drop to the sidewalk again as she mumbled “Thanks”, hearing the smile in Holtzmann’s voice when she told her not to mention it.

“I know her from college”, Holtzmann said after a minute had ticked by in silence, “even though _knowing_ might be stretching it a bit. I spent a lot of time in my own head back then, barely remembered her, but apparently, she remembered me.”

“That’s nice”, Erin mumbled, not quite sure why Holtzmann was telling her this, and verbalizing her thoughts about this a moment later, “but you don’t have to justify yourself to me, you know. It’s not like we’re dating.”

“No, we’re not”, Holtzmann confirmed, Erin’s heart clenching up at the ease with which she said that, as if that didn’t matter at all, and maybe, she glumly thought to herself, she had been wrong, maybe Holtzmann wasn’t interested in her after all, because if she was, why she would she say this so lightly, only to feel surprised all over again when the engineer continued. “We’re not, but I… I’d kinda like us to. So? You want to have dinner with me on Friday?”

Erin looked up so fast, she was surprised she didn’t give herself whiplash; for a moment, she was sure Holtzmann had been joking, but the blonde was uncharacteristically serious when their eyes met, and even appeared a bit nervous, and that convinced her more than anything else could have that this was no joke.

“…I’d like that”, she said after a moment, a smile curling her lips, “actually, I’d like that a lot.”

Holtzmann smiling at her was like the sun coming back after days of rain, and her own smile widened without her even fully noticing; Holtzmann held her hand out to her, and Erin grasped it at once, and they headed back inside the bar together, Erin with a new spring in her step, already knowing she’d count the hours until Friday.


	15. Keep My Secret Well

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Based on this tumblr prompt: There's a new vigilante in New York who saves people during the night. Erin finds out Holtzmann is the new vigilante after a night gone bad.
> 
> I had so much fun with this idea, I hope you'll have fun reading it, too :D

For quite a while after the Nosebusters debacle, Erin had stayed away from newspapers of all kind, even though any reports about the Ghostbusters were positive after they had saved New York; she also didn’t watch much TV, usually too busy with her work, and the only use for the radio they had in HQ was so Holtzmann could play her mix tapes, keeping her from hearing the news on any of the many radio stations, as well.

So, she had no idea what Abby was talking about one morning at the breakfast table, when she gushed about some sort of vigilante who apparently had appeared for the first time a few weeks ago, and looked sufficiently confused, prompting Abby to roll her eyes.

“You should get out of that lab every now and then and read the paper”, she then told the physicist, waving said paper around for emphasis, “there’s this new vigilante in the city? Going around at night and kicking the butts of robbers and would-be rapists, they rescued a bunch of people already. Look.”

She pushed the paper into Erin’s hands, and immediately, the headline jumped at the physicist, making her frown at how tacky it was.

 **Pint-Sized Powerhouse Strikes Again!** The headline declared, making Erin wonder if that vigilante had chosen that name for themselves or if the paper had come up with it; there were no pictures of the person, just one of the woman they had rescued, said woman describing her rescuer as “small, but fast and stronger than they looked”, and telling the paper that she had been on the way home from work when a man had tried to mug her, only for the masked person to show up and kick the man’s ass.

“Huh”, Erin let out as she read the woman’s gushing about her saviour, “that’s like something from a comic book. And Pint-Sized Powerhouse? Really?”

“Apparently, that man or woman isn’t all too tall”, Abby shrugged, “they’ve been doing that for a while now, but no one managed to take a proper picture so far. They all agreed though that it was a short and slim person, stronger than they look.”

“A dangerous hobby”, Erin commented, raising an eyebrow as she handed the paper back to Abby, “but… useful, I guess?”

“Better than playing beer pong or something”, Abby replied, making her friend laugh, “even though I imagine beer pong is less dangerous.”

“Gooooood morning my friends and compadres!” Holtzmann’s voice interrupted them as she practically came bouncing into the fire station, Erin frowning as she wondered why the engineer would call them their compartments, her Spanish once more not as good as she believed it to be, “how are we all this fine morning?”

“Fine, thanks”, the redhead replied, smiling at her; Holtzmann beamed back at her, then hopped over to the coffee machine, giving Erin reason to wonder if she really should have more caffeine, seeing how hyped up she appeared to be.

“Hey Erin, sweet caramel apple”, the engineer said as she filled a cup with the still steaming hot coffee, making the physicist blush at the nickname, even though she, as Abby noted with a hint of amazement, didn’t fidget around as awkwardly as she had in the beginning when Holtzmann had said such things to her, “I’m gonna need your help up in the lab today. For the proton sword. I’m stuck in a calculation.”

“Sure”, Erin replied at once, while Holtzmann flopped down on the seat next to her, somehow managing to not spill any of her coffee, “I’ll go upstairs with you after breakfast?”

“Excellent”, Holtzmann grinned at her, a bit manically, but by now, Erin was used to these grins and just smiled back at her; then, they all focused on breakfast, Abby pointing out interesting articles in the paper to the others, Patty coming in as well just when they were about to get done and exclaiming her delight about still getting a donut (or two), the atmosphere relaxed and happy as they talked and joked and laughed, enjoying their time together before their work day would start.

* * *

  


After breakfast, Holtzmann and Erin worked on the proton sword together until lunch, and for a good chunk of the afternoon, as well; and after that, Erin went back to her own work, and it was one of _those_ days for her, one of the days during which everything just seemed to come to her so easily, and she got completely engrossed in her work, not even noticing how time flew by.

She got so lost in her numbers and equations that she barely registered how the others went home; Holtzmann went an hour after Abby and Patty had left, telling her to not work too long, the physicist only letting out an “Uh-huh”, not even having heard her properly, too focused on her work.

The work kept going well, and Erin didn’t even realize how the hands of the clock on the wall moved past midnight; and she perhaps would have kept it up, if she hadn’t heard the door to the firehouse open and froze mid-movement, her gaze darting to the clock, her heart suddenly up in her throat when she realized it was almost one in the morning.

Fearing a burglar, she looked around frantically for something she could use as a weapon; technically, there was a whole assortment of proton guns not too far away, but she figured that using one of them on a burglar might be seen as exceeding the limits of self-defence, and the last thing the Ghostbusters needed would be that one of them went to jail for gravely injuring or perhaps even killing a random robber.

So, instead of a proton gun, Erin grabbed one of the pipes Holtzmann was planning to use for future weapons; hoping the sudden sweat on her palms wouldn’t make her drop it, she slowly moved towards the entrance hall, giving her eyes time to adjust to the dark, her heart still racing in her chest as her gaze darted back and forth, until she spotted the figure leaning against the door and froze in mid-movement.

Her heart was still hammering at a rate she was quite sure couldn’t be healthy, but something about the way the person stood was familiar; still Erin kept a tight grip on the pipe, raising it a bit as she took another step closer, not quite sure if she should challenge the person or if they had noticed her by now, anyway… and just then, a car drove past outside, illuminating enough of the room through the window to let her see the blonde curls and the yellow-tinted glasses.

And the blood.

The pipe clattered to the floor, but Erin barely heard the clang this made as she hurried to the door, unable to keep the panic out of her voice when she called out “Holtzmann!”, somehow still thinking straight enough though to switch on the light, her heart clenching up painfully when Holtzmann raised her head in reply and looked at her.

Even in her shocked state, Erin had the eyes of a scientist, and she took it all in at once – the blood trickling from Holtzmann’s nose, the broken left lens of her glasses, the cut in her eyebrow which was bleeding too, and bleeding quite profusely at that, the bruise already forming around the eye beneath said brow.

And then, she got a good look at the rest, at the black clothing, at what appeared to be some sort of utility belt around the engineer’s waist, the clunky boots – and the black piece of cloth in her hand, an item Erin belatedly recognized as some sort of ski mask.

“Oh my God”, she brought out in a thin, breathless voice, eyes widening, and Holtzmann gave her a wry smile as she wiped the blood from her lip.

“Don’t say it”, she then mumbled, shocking Erin all over again afterwards by clearing her throat, then spitting a shockingly large glob of blood onto the floor, “the name the papers made up sucks.”

“…I guess I should be more surprised”, Erin sighed after a moment, eying the blood on the floor before she looked back at Holtzmann, “but of course you are that new vigilante going around and beating up robbers. I’m actually more surprised I didn’t figure it out when the paper called you Pint-sized Powerhouse.”

“I told you not to say it”, Holtzmann whined, wiping at her nose again; sighing once more, Erin took hold of Holtzmann’s sleeve and pulled her to the sink, soaking a dishtowel with cold water there which she then placed against the engineer’s neck, ignoring the hiss the cold brought from the smaller woman as she instructed her to lean her head forward.

“Think your nose is broken?” she then asked, guiding Holtzmann’s hand to the towel so she’d hold it in place, then grabbing another one and using it to try and staunch the bleeding from the cut through her eyebrow; Holtzmann let out a vaguely disagreeing noise, her next words earning her a grimace she couldn’t see from the redhead.

“Nah, he didn’t land the full hit”, the engineer let her know, “that he only managed when he punched me in the eye. You should see him though, he looks way worse. And I saved the girl!”

“You’re crazy”, Erin replied, shaking her head, even though Holtzmann still couldn’t see the gesture, “putting yourself into danger like that. Yeah, you saved someone, and that’s great, really, but what if he’d had a knife, or a gun? You could have gotten seriously hurt!”

“Please”, Holtzmann replied, moving her free hand to pull her shirt away from her body and revealing another dark layer beneath, made of some sort of thick, meshed fabric, “you think I’m a newbie at this? My own design, stops bullets and knifes. Just didn’t think he’d punch me right in the face.”

“Again, why am I not surprised”, Erin sighed, feeling a bit better now, “and I guess telling you to stop this won’t lead anywhere, anyway, so I’ll just tell you to be more careful. Sit down, I’ll get the first aid kit so we can clean this cut.”

She started to move away, then paused and turned to look back; Holtzmann had sat down and still held the towel to her neck, looked up though when Erin softly said her name.

“What you’re doing is reckless, and dangerous, but I guess you know that”, the physicist told her, making her grimace as she expected a scolding, only to look surprised when Erin went on, “but also very brave. Just… promise me to be more careful in the future? I don’t want you to get hurt.”

“…promise”, Holtzmann mumbled, and Erin was amazed to see her cheeks reddening; she smiled, then finally got moving to get the first aid kit, Holtzmann looking after her as she walked off, smiling a bit to herself, her pain at least for the moment forgotten.

* * *

  


“Jesus Christ, Holtzy!” Patty cried in the next day, at the sight of Holtzmann’s swollen nose, the band-aid on her eyebrow and the black eye, “what happened to you?!”

“Ran against one of the containment units in the dark”, Holtzmann replied without missing a beat, and Patty missed how her eyes flickered to Erin, just for the briefest moment; Erin noticed though, and kept her face carefully neutral, shaking her head at the engineer’s words.

“Holtz”, she then said, hoping that her tone wouldn’t give her away, “you have to be more careful. What if you’d damaged it and the ghosts had gotten loose?”

“Not to mention the damage to my beautiful face”, Holtzmann replied, making Erin nod solemnly; shaking her head, Patty also told her to be more careful, then focused on the paper again – thus missing how Holtzmann mouthed “thank you” at Erin, the physicist just smiling at her briefly in response.

Erin knew that she should probably feel bad for helping Holtzmann with these dangerous expeditions to the streets of New York; she knew though that telling her to stop wouldn’t help, anyway, so she didn’t… and it made her feel strangely warm inside to share this secret with the engineer, knowing that she’d feel a surge of pride each time from now on she’d read of this new vigilante.


	16. Sound of Silence

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Based on this tumblr prompt: How about Holtz slowly losing her hearing due to damage during the fight against Rowan maybe? The others helping and learning sign language but she is afraid she will forget how Erin sounds. Erin then making sure to talk/sing as much as possible
> 
> I made myself sad writing this, which was bad cause a) I was sad and b) I wrote it at work. Feel free to yell at me for this.

Holtzmann doesn’t think much of it when her ears ring the day after their final fight against Rowan.

This isn’t the first time she’s suffering from this – more often than not, the medium-sized to big poofs make her ears ring, too – so it doesn’t worry her, not at first; she only starts to get a bit uneasy when it’s been three days and the constant, annoyingly high pitched ringing sound is still in her ears at all times.

A year ago, she would have ignored the unease and the worry, and would have hoped it would just go away on its own; a year ago, she hadn’t had a family though, she hadn’t had a friend like Abby and a partner like Erin, Erin, who had kissed her up on the roof in the glowing lights of the messages the people of New York had written for them, and who had looked at her after their first time with such amazement and wonder and love.

When she starts to fear it won’t go away, she doesn’t ignore it, not this time, not now that she has a family; she talks to Erin instead, as they cuddle in bed at night together, tells her that the ringing hasn’t stopped since that fight, and that she’s getting worried.

Erin takes her to the doctor the next day, and what she hears there (oh, the irony) after a bunch of check-ups isn’t comforting.

The doctor uses a lot of fancy lingo, and she thinks she should understand what he says, but she can’t focus, because he’s basically telling her that she’ll lose her hearing, they might be able to slow the process down, but not stop it, and sooner or later, she’ll be deaf. Probably sooner than later.

Erin holds her hand the whole time, and that makes her feel bad, because her palms are sweaty, but even if Erin thinks this is gross, she doesn’t let go.

Holtzmann feels as if she’s stuck in some sort of nightmare when they finally leave the doctor’s practice and go back to HQ; Erin never lets go of her hand, running her thumb over her knuckles as they sit in the subway, and her palms are still sweaty, and she feels numb. She wonders when the truth of what is happening to her will catch up with her, and what she’ll do then.

It catches up to her later that day, after they told Abby and Patty, and she endured their sympathy and pity, she doesn’t want it, but she doesn’t tell them that; once she feels she’s had enough of it, she goes up to her lab to work, and when she arrives there, it’s quiet, and the truth that soon, everything will always be quiet hits her like a sledgehammer.

Holtzmann breaks in this moment, just slumps down on her knees and cries; she thinks that soon, she won’t hear herself crying anymore, and she won’t hear _Erin_ anymore, won’t hear the sweet nothings the physicist whispers to her in bed at night, won’t hear the excitement in her voice when she talks about equations and physics and her work, the determination when they are out on a bust.

Out on a bust, that brings on another bout of sobbing, as she realizes that she can’t go on busts anymore once her hearing starts to fail her, they need to work as a team and she needs to hear the others for that, talk to them and hear what they say…

She hears footsteps approach – another thing which will not happen anymore soon – and then Erin kneels down next to her, and wraps her up in her arms, and rubs her back and talks to her, not telling her that it’ll be okay, because they both know it won’t be, but telling her that she’ll be there for her, and the others, they will do anything they can, and she won’t have to do this alone.

She just cries into Erin’s shoulder in response, and Erin holds her and talks to her, and after a while, she cries too, and Holtzmann hates herself for making her cry, but she can’t stop.

They cry together, until they are both exhausted, and Erin gently leads her to the bedroom; and there, she just holds her, and rubs her back, and talks to her, about everything and nothing, talks to her until she drifts off into an uneasy sleep.

Just before Holtzmann does so, she wonders if she’ll still be able to hear in her dreams.

* * *

 

It starts small, but happens faster than anticipated. When it’s too loud in the bar, she can’t hear what her girlfriend and friends say to her anymore, can’t pick out their voices from the all the background noise.

Holtzmann tells Erin that her hearing is getting worse, and this time, Erin doesn’t take her to the doctor – instead, all four of them begin sign language classes, so they will be ready and prepared once they’ll need it.

The first complete sentence Erin signs to Holtzmann is _I love you_ , and Holtzmann smiles through her tears when she signs it back.

She’s coming to terms with what is happening to her, accepting that it can’t be changed, anyway; her girlfriend and friends help the best they can, supporting her every way they can, and she successfully makes Erin blush more than once by signing dirty things to her ( _Look, ice cream truck. Would love to lick that vanilla right off of you_ ) when they are out in public, once she’s good enough at it.

She starts signing more and more, and talking less, because it gets harder and harder to hear what the others say, and even her own voice sounds muffled to her now; she knows it won’t be long now until there’s silence, and she gives her best to get used to the thought.

A year ago, she would have listened to music, to a lot of music, to commit her favourite tunes to her memory forever and ever; but a year ago, she had no family, no friends. No Erin.

She listens to Erin now, listens to her talk and sing; she’s told her, one quiet night in their bedroom, that what frightens her most is forgetting how she sounded, and so, Erin talks.

She keeps up an almost constant stream of words whenever they are together, talking about everything she can think of; and when they are alone, when it’s just Holtzmann and her, she sings, too, the engineer’s favourite songs, and Holtzmann doesn’t care that her singing isn’t always on point.

Erin keeps doing this until Holtzmann’s hearing is almost gone, and both hope that it’s been enough when the day comes on which the silence is finally there; it’s a dark day, for both of them, and so are the ones that follow, Erin hiding her own pain so she can be there for Holtzmann, and can catch her when it gets too much.

Holtzmann’s world is silent now, but, she tells herself, they all can communicate fairly well with sign language by now, and are getting better each day; and she still has her friends, and her girlfriend, and she tells herself that she can do this.

She hears Erin’s voice in her dreams, and hopes it will never fade.


	17. Silence in the Snow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So, I made myself sad with yesterday's one-shot Sound of Silence, and decided to write a sequel of sorts to it, in which I do try to make things a bit better / happier for Holtzmann. I hope this makes up for any tears I caused!

It has been three months since Holtzmann lost her hearing.

She figures that she’s gotten used to it, as much as one can get used to constant silence, after thirty-two years of hearing; and she knows how much her friends and her partner helped with that, and that she wouldn’t have been able to do it without them.

There’d been a very bad week, after she had gone on a few busts with them, and had been forced to realize that, even though they all were fluent in sign language by now, it just was too dangerous for her to go along – she couldn’t hear any warnings the others yelled, and once the proton wands were out, both hands were needed to keep them under control, and after a bust which almost had ended in disaster, Holtzmann had decided, for her sake and for the sake of her friends, that going on busts wasn’t an option anymore.

The week after that had been bad, no matter how hard Erin had tried to make her feel better; the physicist had kept reminding her that she was essential for the team, that they couldn’t do it without her, and after a while, Holtzmann had started to believe her, and had come to terms with the fact that from this day on, she’d be responsible for their equipment, but would not go on busts anymore.

Since then, she’s put all her energy into developing new weapons and improving the ones they have; she works on making the proton packs lighter, and on the traps so they suck the ghosts in faster, and on the containment units so they won’t give off as much radiation.

Holtzmann also invested some time into building an alarm system, after she’d gotten startled by someone – usually Erin – coming up to her lab one too many times; it’s quite simple, but works perfectly, a system of lights connected to the stairs leading up to her lab, positioned so that no matter where in the lab she’s standing, she’ll notice at least one of them begin to blink whenever someone comes up the stairs.

And it’s one of those lights which distracts her from her work on Abby’s proton pack now, fixing some damage which has been done during the last bust; she looks up and towards the stairs, and smiles when she sees that it’s Erin, the physicist immediately smiling back at her.

 _Hey_ , she signs as she walks over to where Holtzmann is standing at one of her workbenches, _how’s it going?_

 _Fine,_ Holtzmann signs back, _almost done. Pack should be good as new soon._

Erin smiles again at that, and wraps her up in an embrace; she pulls her close for a kiss, one which starts out innocent, but soon becomes more passionate, and Erin’s hand slides up her back and sends shivers up and down her spine.

Holtzmann hasn’t liked it much to close her eyes ever since her hearing got lost completely, not liking it to deprive herself of her sight on top of being deaf; when she’s with Erin though, and when they kiss, she doesn’t care that she can’t see and hear, she trusts Erin with her life, and knows that the redhead won’t let anything happen to her.

 _You’ve been cooped up in here for the past three days,_ Erin signs after they pulled apart again, _go for a walk with me?_

Holtzmann grimaces at that – she’s come to terms the best she could with what happened to her, but she doesn’t like it to go outside, the way everything she sees out there happens is silence making her strangely uncomfortable; Erin gives her the puppy dog eyes though, and pouts, and after a moment, she sighs, knowing that she can’t say No to her partner anyway.

 _Alright_ , she thus agrees, making Erin smile yet again, a sight which makes her heart feel warm and content every time, _just let me get changed._

 _Put something warm on,_ Erin advises, and she nods; she retreats into their shared bedroom and changes into something more suitable for December, and by the time she comes back out, Erin is already wearing her winter coat and a woollen cap which makes her look immensely adorable to the engineer.

 _Adorable_ , she thus signs, and smiles when Erin blushes; and then, Erin reaches into the pocket of her coat, and pulls out a cap just like hers, and Holtzmann lets it happen that the physicist puts it on her head, adjusting it only the tiniest bit once Erin pulls her hands back.

They walk down the stairs together, and Holtzmann sees that Erin calls out to Abby, probably telling her they are going out; she still remembers how Erin’s voice sounds, hears it in her dreams, and even though she knows she’ll never hear it for real again, she smiles, her smile only widening when Erin grabs her hand as they step outside.

Holtzmann is oddly amazed to see that it snowed during the night, and the area around the firehouse is dusted in a fine coat of white, and the surprise and then wonder on her face makes Erin smile again.

The physicist squeezes her hand tenderly, and the gentle smile on her face tells Holtzmann that she knew about the snow and wanted her to see; she beams back at her, and they start walking, and for a few moments, Holtzmann feels bad again as she thinks back to how much she liked the crunch of fresh snow under her boots, but she remembers the sound well, the air is fresh and surprisingly clear, it’s not so cold that it’d be uncomfortable and Erin still holds her hand, and so, the bad feeling doesn’t last for long.

They walk without aim or purpose, just enjoy being outside and with each other; then, Erin sees something in a shop window which catches her attention, and motions at Holtzmann to stop so she can look, so endeared by the handbags on display that she doesn’t notice how Holtzmann moves a few steps away, to a snow drift on the sidewalk.

Holtzmann can’t hear the squawk Erin lets out when the snowball hits her in the back, but she sees the comical look of surprise when the physicist turns around to gape at her wide-eyed, and she bursts out laughing, laughs so hard that she doubles over and wheezes, and that there are tears in her eyes.

Erin is touched by her laughter and giggles too, Holtzmann hasn’t laughed like that since she went deaf, and it’s sweet and wonderful; it doesn’t stop her from retaliating though, and she makes use of Holtzmann’s laughing fit to dump a handful of snow down on her neck.

The laughter turns into a shocked yelp, and now, it’s Erin’s turn to laugh hysterically as Holtzmann stares at her incredulously; the engineer crosses her arms over her chest and pouts, and from the way Erin’s gaze softens, she can imagine the “Awww” the redhead certainly lets out very well, a smile curling her lips as well when Erin moves to hug and kiss her.

 _Love you_ , the physicist signs to her after the kiss, the first sentence she ever signed to her; Holtzmann’s smile comes back, wider than ever, as she signs it back, then pulls her in again for more kissing, not caring that snow melts in her hair and trickles down her neck.

She can’t hear, won’t ever hear again, but right in this moment, she doesn’t care; it’s a good day, she has Erin, today and for the days to come… and she’s happy.


	18. Ain't Nothing But A Hound Dog

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Based on this prompt from tumblr: Holtzmann going after Erin up when Erin leaves the table after reading the Nosebusters article. Maybe they actually do go looking for that basset hound together? :)

Part of Erin knows that this is stupid, that she shouldn’t do this, that she shouldn’t just walk out on the team, her _friends_ like this, for people who wouldn’t respect her anyway and laugh at her ideas.

Another part is louder though, the part which craves validation for her accomplishments; and so, she mumbles some excuse as she drops the paper onto the table and gets up from her seat – studiously _not_ looking at Holtzmann in that sleeveless top, and certainly not at her surprisingly well-defined arms and the bit she can see of the swell of her breasts – and makes up some lame excuse as she hurries outside.

She doesn’t kid herself and pretends she doesn’t know where she wants to go – to Columbia, of course, show them the proton pack she’ll pilfer from Ecto-1 in a moment and make them see that she’s not crazy, and that ghosts are real and that their equipment works – and she tries to silence the part of her which is telling her again and that this is stupid; still her steps falter as she turns towards the garage, and just then, Holtzmann speaks up behind her and makes her jump.

“Hey hot stuff”, the engineer says, and briefly, Erin feels conflicted, at the same time relieved and disappointed that the top which gave her such a good view – at which she certainly did _not_ look though – has been covered with the blonde’s leather jacket, “when I said we have to get food, I meant together, and not for you to run off all on your own.”

“…I’m not going to get food”, Erin replies, eying the blonde curiously, “I’m… I just need some fresh air.”

“You can get fresh air while we get food”, Holtzmann tells her, unperturbed, even though Erin sees something in her eyes, something which tells her that Holtzmann might know more about her true reason to go out than she let on, something the blonde confirms moments later as she continues, “and while we get food, I can keep you from doing something rash.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about”, Erin mumbles, but she can’t stop the blush from colouring her cheeks, and she’s never been a good liar, so she figures that Holtzmann sees through her lie at once.

“All the better”, Holtzmann smiles, offering her arm with a flourish, and even though part of Erin still wants to run off to Columbia and prove them right, she finds herself accepting the gesture, and even manages a smile when she hooks her hand into the crook of the engineer’s arm.

“So what should we get”, Holtzmann ponders out loud as they start walking, “something light? A cheesesteak sandwich maybe?”

“If you consider a cheesesteak sandwich something light, I’m not sure I want to know what you would get if you want not so light food then”, Erin pointed out, earning a snort from the smaller woman, “and I’m not in the mood for one of those, so… how about Thai?”

“Sounds good to me”, Holtzmann agrees at once, earning a slight smile from the physicist; she still feels the need to go to Columbia and yell at Filmore that she is not crazy, that what they are doing is legit science, but the need is lessening, and she wonders if this is caused by Holtzmann’s presence or just by the fact that her first reaction to go there and yell at the elder man has been thwarted and she’s having time to cool down.

“Hey, you know what”, Holtzmann says as the keep walking, and Erin realizes, a bit belatedly, that she still holds on to her arm, but suddenly, she doesn’t want to let go, “we could go look for that movie hound. I want to see a dog which goes to the cinema all on its own with my own two eyes. Maybe we can catch a movie with him.”

If anyone else had suggested that, Erin would have laughed and called them crazy; it’s Holtzmann though, and so, she still laughs, but’s an affectionate laugh – and then she stops walking, and turns to face the engineer, and the way her gaze softens makes Holtzmann’s heart skip an excited beat.

“Thank you, Holtz”, the physicist says, a bit amazed to see that now, Holtzmann’s cheeks redden, and she can’t believe she made the engineer blush like that, certainly, she’s never seen it happen before, “I’m not sure you know this, but… I think you kept me from doing something really dumb when you followed me outside. Thanks.”

“No biggie”, Holtzmann replies at once, sounding a bit stilted, as if she’s uncomfortable with this display of gratitude, “don’t mention it. Let’s just get food and find that hound, that’d be awesome.”

Erin laughs, and nods, and then she pulls Holtzmann into a brief, one-armed hug; Holtzmann hugs her back, practically smiling from ear to ear when they pull apart again, and impossibly only smiles wider when Erin lets go of her arm – to grab her hand, fingers curling around hers as if they’ve been doing this for ages.

“Alright”, Erin says, beginning to walk again, “let’s find that basset hound!”

They get moving, chatting about everything and nothing; and with each steps Erin takes, with each second she holds Holtzmann’s hand, the part which demands validation from Columbia and Filmore grows smaller and quieter, until she can’t hear it anymore at all.


	19. An Alternative Possession

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Based on this tumblr prompt: Hi! A prompt if you like: Erin is there when Abby gets possessed by creepy Rowan and realizes her feelings when Abby nearly kills Holtz!  
> And is directly set after the one-shot in chapter 18. I guess it is a two-shot now?

Sadly, they don’t find the movie-going hound – apparently, the dog is shy and hides when people come looking for it – but they do get food, enough for Abby and Patty, too, and by the time they got back to their office above the restaurant, Erin feels at peace with herself, laughing and joking with Holtzmann as she walks back into their workspace above the restaurant with the engineer.

“We got Thai”, Holtzmann announces, holding up the bags as if to prove her own words, “hope you’re hungry, Patty. Where’s Abby?”

“Restroom”, Patty tells her, eying the bags with gusto, “but she’s been in there for a while.”

“Huh”, Holtzmann lets out, moving to put the bags on the table while Erin walks over to the restroom door and knocks; she calls out Abby’s name, tells her that Holtz and she are back and that they brought food, and when there’s no response, the first small, nagging feeling that something is wrong settles in the pit of her stomach.

“Abby?” she tries again while Holtzmann looks over, frowning too, “you okay in there? Hey, we brought that soup you like so much, wanna come out and join us?”

Erin raises her hand to knock once more, but before her knuckles can make contact with the wood, the door opens, and Abby steps out; she stands close to Erin, uncomfortably close, and stares at her, and something about her seems odd, but Erin just can’t put her finger on what it is, exactly.

“Hello, Erin”, Abby says, “glad you joined us again. Hello, Jillian.”

If the way she’s looking at Erin isn’t weird enough already, the fact that she addresses Holtzmann this way definitely is; Holtzmann is Holtzmann to them, sometimes Holtz, and Holtzy to Patty, but no one ever calls her Jillian.

“Hi Abby”, Holtzmann replies, with a raised eyebrow; she exchanges a look with Erin, both of them wondering if this somehow has been caused by their little excursion, while Abby walks past Erin and to one of the tables Holtzmann uses as a workbench, picking up some plastic tubing there which she dismisses again fairly quickly, a long metal pipe finding its way into her hands next.

“Oh, you found my pipe”, Holtzmann comments as she pulls takeout boxes from the plastic bags, “I’m gonna use it to make a proton shotgun. If that doesn’t work, we can swing it around and break stuff, so it’s a win-win. Pretty cool, huh?”

Abby nods, but something about her smile is strange, and makes Erin frown again; and then, as if to confirm that something weird is indeed going on, Abby turns towards the proton packs Patty and she must have carried upstairs while Erin and Holtz have been out and starts smashing the pipe down on them.

“What are you doing!” Holtzmann yelps, eyes widening, while Erin actually is startled enough to take a step back and Patty just stares, “not my babies!”

The engineer drops the bag on the table, not caring if she spills anything, and rushes past Erin; she tries to grab the pipe from Abby, and they wrestle for a few moments – until Abby, with a burst of strength Erin didn’t know her friend had, slams the pipe into Holtzmann’s chest and sends her flying, the physicist unable to hold back a cry of “Holtz!” when her friend hits the floor and rolls a few feet, then lies still, dazed.

Briefly, she is torn between trying to stop Abby and making sure Holtzmann is okay; before she can come to a decision though, Abby’s gaze focuses on her, and her friend pulls her arm back, and Erin realizes what she’s about to do, but finds herself unable to move, frozen on the spot as her brain tries to come to terms with what is happening.

“Erin get down!” Patty yells somewhere behind her, closer than expected, and tackles her, just as Abby throws the pipe; it sails over their heads and slams against the wall, hard enough to send up a cloud of plaster, and Abby snarls at the miss, but doesn’t let that stop her, her stride fast and secure as she walks to where Holtzmann is just rolling onto her back.

This must be a nightmare, Erin decides, raising her head just in time to see how Abby grabs Holtzmann around the throat and _lifts her up_ , as if she weighs no more than a helpless kitten; the engineer lets out a choked “Abby….!”, then just yelps in fear when Abby starts carrying her with the same ease she picked her up with.

“Look at the view”, the researcher says sardonically – and then she shoves Holtzmann through the window, glass shattering, and dangles her out the window, and Erin’s heart stops.

“Abby!” she cries out, while Patty lets out an unarticulated yell and starts running; ignoring both of them, Abby asks Holtzmann if this is fun, laughing as if to answer her own question – before she says “Goodbye!” and lets go, and Erin feels as if all the air has been knocked out of her lungs.

Patty lurches forward, and Erin isn’t sure if she can dare to hope or if it’s been too late, but then, she hears Patty yell “I got you Holtzy, I got you!”, and that snaps her out of her stupor, and she runs to help before Abby can actually attack Patty and make her drop the engineer.

She makes a grab for Abby, and her friend’s head whips around to glare at her, and it’s as if a stranger is looking back at her; as if to confirm that this person might look like Abby, but isn’t her former best friend, Abby grabs the front of her shirt and hauls her aside, until she hits the wall hard, her breath getting knocked out of her and stars exploding in front of her eyes when the back of her head connects with the stone.

At least though, she won Patty some time, Erin realizes as she fights to stay on her feet and to not lose her grip on Abby; the historian hauls Holtzmann back in through the window, and the blonde slumps down to the floor and clutches her throat, coughing as she fights to get air into her lungs.

“Wish she would have gone splat”, Abby comments, and as if all of that isn’t bad enough yet, she turns her head a hundred and eighty degrees, making both Patty and Erin cry out in shock; her head snaps back so she’s facing Erin, and she snaps “Boo!” at her – before she yanks her closer to slam her against the wall once more, but before she can do so, Patty is there, yelling at the ghost get out of her and smacks her, hard.

Erin actually sees the ghost get catapulted out of Abby’s body, her eyes going wide – they’ve had theories about possession, of course they did, but until this very moment, she hasn’t been sure if they have any merit – and then Patty smacks Abby _again_ , and Abby yells that it’s her, while the ghost whooshes out the broken window and is gone.

Erin figures that she should worry for her friend, but Patty seems to have that covered, reassuring herself that it’s really Abby now, just Abby and no hidden dark passengers; Holtzmann coughs again, still on the floor where she landed after Patty pulled her back in, and without thinking, Erin hurries over to her, and gathers her up in her arms, unable to keep the worry out of her voice when she says her name.

She doesn’t ask Holtzmann if she’s okay, because it’s obvious that she’s not.

“Jesus”, Abby says behind her, sounding dazed, “where did he go? Holtz, I’m so sorry!”

She moves closer to where Erin is still holding Holtzmann, and just for a second, the physicist sees a flash of fear in the engineer’s eyes; it’s gone as fast as it has appeared, and Erin isn’t sure if Abby has seen it, but she has.

She briefly rubs Holtzmann’s back, and their eyes meet; and in this instant, as she realizes how close they all were to losing the blonde, how badly this could have ended if Patty hadn’t acted so fast or hadn’t been strong enough, Erin feels her heart clench up, then nearly burst with relief, and the urge to pull Holtzmann even closer and press her lips to the blonde’s is there from one moment to the next, so strong that she can barely withstand it.

Erin swallows heavily, but somehow, she manages to not give in to the sudden need; and then, Holtzmann tells her, in a voice hoarser than usual, that she’s okay, and sits up, and the moment is over… but Erin’s heart still is filled with longing, and she finds herself unable to look away from Holtzmann, suddenly seeing her in a completely new light.

She’s not quite sure what she’ll do with this unexpected and sudden realization, but she does know that it won’t make things any easier.


	20. Isolation Blues

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is a sort-of continuation to chapters 16 and 17 featuring deaf!Holtzmann and, in this chapter, fierce!Erin. It has a bit of angst, but some fluff, too - enjoy! :D

Erin can tell that Holtzmann is nervous, and she can’t really blame her. It’s the first time that they are going to any sort of formal event since Holtzmann lost her hearing; Erin has reassured her multiple times that she looks great in the suit she chose, that they complement each other, she in her dress and Holtzmann in the suit, but still the engineer is nervous.

She can tell how tense Holtzmann is simply from how she sits next to her in the limousine the mayor sent to pick them up, and from the glances Abby shoots her, the researcher is aware of that, as well; and so, Erin touches the engineer’s arm briefly, but tenderly, and makes her look at her, giving her a smile the moment their eyes meet.

_It’s going to be okay,_ she signs, glad when Holtzmann smiles weakly in response, _and if you’re uncomfortable, we don’t have to stay long. We just need to show our faces there._

Holtzmann nods, and grasps her hand, and Erin can feel how sweaty her palm is; it’s a clear sign that she’s uncomfortable, so Erin runs her thumb over her knuckles, knowing that this always helps with calming Holtzmann down.

It does this time, too, Holtzmann relaxing noticeably next to her, at least for a while; then, the limousine stops in front of City Hall, and Holtzmann tenses up all over again, not letting go of Erin’s hand for a second, her grip only tightening when they get out of the car and walk to the entrance.

Patty moves to the engineer’s other side and places one hand on her shoulder, in an attempt to give her some comfort; and Abby completes the formation by walking behind Holtzmann, the three of them effectively shielding her from anyone blindsiding her, all of them aware of how painfully easy it has become to startle the engineer.

The young man at the door greeted them with enthusiasm, Holtzmann could see that even though she couldn’t hear it; she lets her gaze wander as the guy tells the other three where their seats have been reserved, spots Jennifer Lynch and the mayor, and Lynch holds her gaze for a moment, gives a brief nod, makes her wonder if this is a gesture of greeting or of sympathy.

People are big with sympathy, she learned in the five months since she lost all of her hearing, especially when they find out how it happened; she’s somewhat sick of being pitied by now, she manages just fine, thank you, being deaf doesn’t affect her engineering skills and they are all almost perfect in sign language now, so communication isn’t an issue, either. Even Kevin is almost fluent by now, even though he throws over things more often than not when he tries to ask her how she is doing.

The man finishes talking to the other three, and Erin gently tugs at her hand as they get moving again; Holtzmann follows her to one of the tables, glad that they are seated next to each other, but not all too happy that other people are at the table with them, other men and women of science, all of them getting up to greet them as they approach the table.

She can see that one of them looks directly at her and talks, but she’s not good enough at reading lips to figure out what he is saying, and panics a little; Erin squeezes her hand reassuringly, and she glances over at her, not caring if this might be impolite or not, just needing to look at her for reassurance.

“Dr Holtzmann is deaf”, Erin says, somewhat bluntly, Holtzmann can’t hear what she says, but Erin signs her words for her as she talks, and the guy looks embarrassed, “talking louder or slower or both won’t make a difference. If you don’t know sign language, I’ll be happy to ask her anything you want to know and pass her answers on to you.”

He still looks embarrassed, but nods, all of them sitting down; Holtzmann doesn’t want to let go of Erin’s hand, but forces herself to do so, anyway, fighting the urge to fidget nervously as she glances around the room.

It’s strange, even after five months, to see people talking all around her, but not hear them; and she feels strangely isolated, because apparently, the man who spoke to her moments ago has no questions for her after all, talking to the woman next to him now, while another one of the scientists speaks to Erin, and Erin does try to keep up talking and signing simultaneously, but Holtzmann can tell that its getting difficult after a while.

And then, the first course of the evening’s dinner is served, and Erin needs her hands to eat; when they eat together at home, it’s never a problem to keep conversation going with Holtzmann even then, but at this event, it’s different, the strangers at their table keep speaking to her friends and girlfriend, and her sense of isolation only grows.

She loses what little appetite she’s had, but forces herself to eat anyway – Erin looks like she’s enjoying herself, and she doesn’t want her to notice that she’s feeling lost and lonely, she knows Erin would want to go home then, and she doesn’t want to ruin the good time the physicist is obviously having.

So, Holtzmann picks at her food, keeping her gaze focused on the plate; she wonders if they are talking about her, but nobody is signing anything, she knows her friends mean no harm, this is the first time they go to such an event together since she became deaf, and she knows they don’t mean to exclude her like this, but it still hurts.

She feels Erin touch her arm, and looks up at her; Erin smiles at her, and looks a bit apologetic, and that makes Holtzmann feel slightly better, and so she just nods when Erin signs _Food okay?_ , and doesn’t tell her that she feels lonely and isolated and wants to go home.

Erin smiles at her, and lets her hand rest on the engineer’s arm until the next course is served; she tries to keep Holtzmann involved in the conversation, but it’s difficult, what with eating and talking, and after dessert, the engineer excuses herself to the bar, Erin watching her go, the feeling that she failed her despite her best attempts to keep her included in the group weighing heavy on her heart.

* * *

 

Erin manages to wait for twenty minutes – she knows that sometimes, Holtzmann needs time, and that going after her too fast does more harm than good – before she excuses herself as well and goes to find her girlfriend; she spots her at the bar, like the blonde said, sitting with her back to the large room, nursing a glass of beer.

Even from afar and even though she can only see Holtzmann’s profile, Erin sees how dejected her partner looks, and her heart sinks; she decides then and there that she’ll take Holtzmann home right away, the mayor and his need to have the whole Ghostbusters team there be damned, and make up for making her feel this way.

She walks closer to where her girlfriend is sitting, passing a group of young men in the process; and as she moves past them, she hears what one of them is saying to his buddies, and all at once, her blood runs cold.

“…dangerous enough before”, the guy, type “young successful business man”, probably in finance or consulting, Erin sourly thinks to herself, is telling his friends, “but now that she’s deaf? I’ve been told they work with highly unstable material, that Holtzmann woman is gonna blow up the city at some point because she didn’t hear something tick.”

“Excuse me”, Erin says sharply, stopping to glare at the man and gesturing at Holtzmann at the same moment, thus making the engineer aware of her presence and prompting her to turn on the barstool, so she can see the whole scene unfold, “you are aware that Dr Holtzmann is sitting right here, are you?”

“So what”, he replies, and she’s close enough now to smell the whiskey on his breath, making it obvious that he’s been making good use of the open bar already, “it’s not like she can hear it!”

He laughs, but at least, to their credit, the other men just look uncomfortable; his laughter is loud and grating, and suddenly, the ice in Erin’s veins is replaced by white-hot anger, Holtzmann’s eyes going wide when she sees the way the physicist sets her jaw, and she hops off her seat, but before she can do more than that, Erin pulls back and punches the man straight in the face.

The hit takes him completely by surprise, and he stumbles backwards, against the bar, glasses and bottles falling and shattering; his friends gasp and cry out and one tries to steady him, and Erin gets ready to punch him again the moment he regains his footing, but then Holtzmann is there and grabs her arm, her eyes wide and shocked.

“Erin!” she hears Abby call out behind her in the next moment, accompanied by the hurried footsteps of both the researcher and Patty as they come rushing to where Erin and Holtzmann are standing, “what is going on, why’d you punch him?!”

“He was talking shit about Dr Holtzmann”, one of the group answers before Erin has the chance to say something, while the man in question just presses his hand against his bleeding nose and groans, “um, sorry about that, we should have said something…”

Erin signs his words to Holtzmann so the engineer will have an idea why all of this happened; she frowns at the talking shit part, but smiles again by the time the man apologizes, and shrugs, showing that there are no hard feelings.

He smiles at her, a bit insecure, but grateful; by now though, more and more people are noticing that something is going on, and Abby looks nervous when she suggests both verbally and in sign language that they should perhaps go, Erin agreeing at once, feeling embarrassed now for letting her anger get the better of her like that.

The four of them take a quick leave, before the mayor or Jennifer Lynch can corner them; they make it outside without being confronted, and once they are at a safe distance from City Hall, and Abby tries to hail a cab for them, Holtzmann turns to Erin, smirking as she starts to sign.

_So you punched that dude in the face for me? Wow._ Erin blushes, she still feels a bit bad about doing just that, but Holtzmann looks at her with such adoration and warmth in her eyes that she can easily ignore the bad feeling, and even manages a smile as she nods.

_Not gonna let some man talk like that about my girlfriend,_ she signs back, and, impossibly, the adoration in Holtzmann’s eyes only grows further; Erin has another moment to smile, and then Holtzmann’s arms are around her waist, and she pulls her closer and kisses her somewhat hard, Erin kissing her back at once as she returns the embrace.

_Thank you,_ Holtzmann sighs to her after they pulled apart again; Erin just smiles, and shrugs, telling herself it shouldn’t make her feel good that she punched a man and perhaps broke his nose – he had been bleeding quite a bit – but the way Holtzmann looks at her makes her feel like some sort of hero for what she did, no matter if it’s been right or wrong.

_Love you_ , Holtzmann adds, tightening her hug briefly a bit; Erin kisses her once more in response, more tender this time, then signs back that she loves her too, all bad feelings for both Erin and Holtzmann gone by the time Abby manages to get a taxi and they head back home.


	21. All for You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Based on this tumblr prompt: Maybe Erin breaking her leg during a bust and being confined to a wheelchair for some time and Holtz just getting out of the way to do everything for her? Cooking, carrying her upstairs, getting her flowers or so just to make her smile?
> 
> This developed a bit of a life of it's own while writing it, and kinda got away from the general idea I had for it, but I hope it'll still be fun to read :)

“That’s just my luck”, Erin groaned as Abby rolled her through the entrance door and into the fire station’s lobby; she felt like a burden already, stuck in this wheelchair for at least a few weeks, the leg she had broken so badly during the last bust awkwardly stretched out in front of her, held in a horizontal position by one of the wheelchair’s footrests and the cast which enclosed it, all the way from her toes up to her hip.

It had been bad luck, they all had to agree, but they also knew that it could have been worse – the bust had happened in an old warehouse, the floor had given in underneath her, she had fallen, and when Holtzmann had been the first one to reach her, the engineer nearly had lost her composure when she had gotten a good luck at what the fall had done to Erin’s leg, but they all knew that she could have gotten hurt much worse.

She could have broken both her legs, or her arms… or her spine or neck, and in the end, a few weeks in a wheelchair were nothing, compared to being paralyzed for life or even dead.

“Fear not”, Holtzmann said, turning and walking backwards so she could look at her, “we got it all worked out. We’ll stay here with you, and make sure you have everything you need. And I got a little surprise for you.”

“It’s not gonna be an explosive surprise, right”, Erin wanted to know, a bit wary; Holtzmann grinned, slightly maniacally, and shook her head, then gave Abby a look which seemed to say “Okay, now”, and the researcher responded by wheeling Erin over to the stairway.

“I don’t think I can go up to the second floor”, Erin pointed out as she realized where Abby was heading with her, “the doctor said I shouldn’t put any weight on that leg, remember?”

“Yup”, Holtzmann reassured her, “but we found a solution for that.” She stopped at the bottom of the stairs, and the first thing Erin noticed where the rails which hadn’t been there the day she had left the fire station for that fateful bust; only at the second glance, she saw that some sort of seat was attached to it, and her eyes widened when she realized what it was.

“You guys”, she brought up, so touched by this gesture that she almost teared up, “you had a stair lift installed for me?”

“Please”, Holtzmann replied, with a dismissive wave of her hand, “ _installed._ You do know whom you are talking to, right?”

“Holtzy made it”, Patty helpfully supplied, “and no worries about it not working, she tested it. She tested it a lot, crazy girl rode it up and down the stairs at least ten times a day and sang Born To Be Wild while she did that.”

“Hey, I had to make sure it would work”, Holtzmann pointed out, smirking, “it wouldn’t do to have it malfunction so Erin falls down the stairs and breaks her other leg. Or knocks loose the screws in her already broken one.”

“Please don’t remind me that there are screws in my leg”, Erin sighed, and, to her surprise, Holtzmann didn’t reply with some cyborg or Terminator joke, but simply looked a bit bashful as she mumbled an apology; she tried to remember if she ever had seen Holtzmann bashful before and couldn’t, but before she could ponder this further, Abby steered the wheelchair as close to the stair lift as it was possible, then stepped aside to make room for the engineer.

“Okay, careful now”, Holtzmann said, and Erin gave her best to hold still when the blonde moved one arm beneath her legs and the other around her back; she knew that Holtzmann could lift and even carry her, the smaller woman had done this for her before after a bust during which she had twisted her ankle, but still she felt uneasy when she got lifted out of the wheelchair, gritting her teeth against the brief pain this brought up in her leg.

Carefully, Holtzmann lowered her into the stair lift, while Abby moved to take an even more careful hold of her broken leg, making sure to keep it horizontal; the engineer leaned forward, getting quite close to Erin in the process, and pushed a button at the bottom of the stair lift, and the seat slowly began to move, Abby walking up the stairs in sync, giving her best to do so without jostling Erin’s leg too much.

“Wow”, Erin let out as the lift slowly carried her up to the second floor, Holtzmann already having hopped past it and waiting at the top of the stairs while Patty carried up Erin’s wheelchair, “this… works so perfectly. Thank you so much, Holtz.”

“And it’s not the only surprise you will get today!” Holtzmann declared, prompting Erin to give Abby a curious look; the researcher pretended not to notice though, not even when Erin frowned, then pouted, acting as if she was fully focused on the task of keeping the physicist’s leg steady.

“There we are”, she then said, as the lift stopped at the top of the stairs; once more, it fell to Holtzmann to move Erin, this time from the seat back into the wheelchair, and once she had made sure that the physicist’s leg was safely on the footrest and wouldn’t slide off and thump to the floor, Abby claimed that she had some work to do, with a meaningful look at Patty Erin didn’t miss, but didn’t know how to interpret, the physicist frowning to herself as the two women hurried downstairs and left her alone with Holtzmann.

“Alright”, Holtzmann said, clapping her hands as she moved to stand behind the wheelchair, “close your eyes, and no peeping. I’ll be able to tell if you peep.”

“How”, Erin wanted to know, obligingly closing her eyes though, “you’re behind me.”

“I’ll know”, Holtzmann replied cryptically, then started to roll her through her lab space; Erin was curious what would await her, but did keep her eyes closed, even though this became increasingly more difficult when she heard a door open and the soft _click_ of a light switch.

“Okay”, Holtzmann’s voice came moments later, “now you can look.”

Erin opened her eyes, and what she saw took her breath away.

They were still in the lab, she was fairly sure, but Holtzmann had partitioned off part of it with what looked like the dividing walls often used in offices; and the area this had created had been turned into a cosy, small room, a comfortable looking couch standing at the wall, a TV on the table built from milk crates in front of it, a vase with fresh flowers on the TV, and a mini fridge next to the couch, where Erin could easily reach it without getting up.

“Welcome to your cave of recovery”, Holtzmann smiled, even though her hand did come up to briefly touch her necklace, something Erin had noticed her to do whenever she felt nervous or insecure, “hope you like it.”

“You put all this here for me?” Erin wanted to know, so touched that her throat felt oddly constricted and made it a bit difficult to speak, “that’s… Wow, Holtz, that’s so sweet. That is the sweetest thing anyone has ever done for me.”

“It was a group effort”, Holtzmann mumbled, and just like when she had been bashful minutes ago, Erin was surprised again to see that now, she was blushing, fingers coming up to touch the pendant again while her gaze focused on her feet and voice took on that stilted tone she always seemed to use when she was uncomfortable or talking about feelings, “we figured I spend most of my time here anyway so I might as well look after you I put an extra button into the remote for the TV if you push that it’ll ring a little bell in my lab so I’ll know you need something and I’ll come running. Right away. Um. Unless something explodes if I don’t make it stable first. Um. I’m glad you like it. There’s a door too, you can close it if you want privacy, just don’t slam it please cause then it’ll fall out of the frame it’s not super stable.”

“Holtz”, Erin said once the engineer paused to take a breath, “come closer?”

Holtzmann’s eyes came up to meet hers, and she walked closer to where Erin was sitting, mindful of her outstretched leg; Erin gestured at her to bend down, and after a moment, the blonde complied.

Erin had been breathless when she had seen the room Holtzmann had made for her, but this time, it was the engineer who felt this way – as Erin leaned forward to meet her, pressing her lips against the blonde’s.

_That certainly was a mistake,_ Holtzmann had time to think, her heart and mind racing, _she probably meant to aim for my cheek and miscalculated._

She just thought that she should pull back before this could become uncomfortable or even creepy; and a second before she could make this thought reality, Erin’s hands came up to cup her face, and she made it quite clear that she hadn’t miscalculated the kiss at all.

This tore Holtzmann out of her stupor, and she kissed the redhead back at once, trying to wrap her up in an embrace, but mindful of her broken leg; they kissed until they both were breathless, the sparkle in Erin’s eyes when the engineer finally pulled back showing her that this had been a very intentional kiss indeed.

“Thank you”, Holtzmann said, then nearly smacked herself, asking herself what kind of person said something like this after a kiss; and then, Erin laughed and shook her head, and it was the sweetest sound Holtzmann had ever heard, and she smiled at the physicist – before she bent back down and kissed her again, a soft and slow and gentle kiss, and Erin knew that she’d enjoy every minute she’d spend up in this cave of recovery, and looked forward to every second of it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Got a prompt you want to see from me? :) Hit me up at dreamshapers-universe.tumblr.com :D


	22. Speaking of Surprises...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Based on this tumblr prompt: how about Erin being turned on when people speak foreign languages, and she finds out Holtzmann speaks German for example? :D
> 
> I had SO MUCH fun writing this, hahaha. Also, it gave me a chance to have Holtzmann speak my native language, which was extra-fun. I hope you'll like it, too! :D

Dr Erin Gilbert was all too aware that she didn’t quite tick like other people, in more ways than one.

For example, she preferred curling up with a good book and a cup of tea to dancing the night away; she was happy with a small, but closely knit group of good friends, instead of having a huge circle of acquaintances, she hunted ghosts for a living – that all by itself probably was enough to make her weird – and she found it so exciting to spend hours in front of a whiteboard, solving equations, that it perhaps might be reason to worry.

And as if all that wasn’t enough, she sometimes thought to herself, even her kinks had to be weird.

Nobody knew this, not even Abby – Abby knew a lot of what Erin liked, secrets they had shared during giggly nights in college – but she didn’t know one certain thing, not even now; she never had told it to anyone, feeling that it was so strange that not even Abby might be able to handle it, but unable to help herself.

Perhaps, it wasn’t as weird as Erin thought, certainly, she sometimes told herself, there were people out there who had even stranger things they liked; still she found herself unable to speak about it, how did one bring something like that up, anyway – but at least, she thought to herself when she found herself confronted with it at their headquarters, she could know for certain that it was a coincidence, that Holtzmann had no idea what she’d cause.

She’d been up in the lab with the engineer, the two of them often working together now, developing new weapons; this didn’t help much to combat the crush Erin had started to develop, but she thought she had it under control and hid it quite well from Holtzmann, even though she always blushed whenever the blonde flirted with her or called her some sort of pet name. But, well, she had done that from the very beginning, so it wasn’t new, and Erin’s reactions to her weren’t new, either, so certainly, Holtzmann didn’t suspect anything about her crush.

Or at least, she hadn’t, until that one faithful day when she slipped with the screwdriver and impulsively said “Scheisse!” – and Erin could feel her cheeks heat up and sweat form on her brow.

Oh _no._

“Pardon my German”, Holtzmann said, inspecting the scratch the screwdriver had made in the smooth piece of metal she had been working on, “I just find that saying that works better than Shit in some situations. Scheisse.”

Erin swallowed heavily, glad that the engineer kept her focus on the project and wasn’t looking up at her – certainly, she would have noticed that Erin was all sweaty, pretty much like she’d been when she’d seen Kevin for the first time, a brief, but intense infatuation she’d gotten over quite fast once she had realized how dim the man actually was, and Holtzmann wasn’t dim, the exact opposite, in fact, so certainly, she would make the connection.

“You speak German?” Erin brought out, hoping her voice didn’t give away how turned on she was – and why, she asked herself, did Holtzmann have to speak German, why did the woman she had a crush on possess that one skill which got her hot and bothered like no other, people speaking foreign languages always had turned her on way beyond reason; moments later, she regretted saying anything though, as Holtzmann did look up at her, and surely, she would notice how flushed and sweaty Erin was.

“Yeah”, the engineer confirmed, to the physicist’s relief not letting it show if she had noticed her state, hard to miss as it was, “enough to get around, more than curse words. Hund, Katze, Haustür, Essiggurke.”

Erin let out a shuddery breath before she could stop herself, and tugged at her collar; and if Holtzmann hadn’t noticed how turned on she was before, she definitely did now, raising an eyebrow, then giving a somewhat wolfish smirk, getting up from her seat and walking closer to her, her voice dropping to a low husky tone which only made things worse – or better – when she went on.

“Eichhörnchen”, she said, making Erin swallow heavily, “Frühling, Sommer, Herbst und Winter.”

She stopped right in front of Erin, so close that their bodies almost, _almost_ touched, and Erin’s breath hitched audibly; still smirking, Holtzmann leaned closer to her, whispering right into her ear, and sending her heartrate through the roof with alarming ease. “Guten Tag, Doktor Gilbert. Kommst du oft hierher?”

“If you don’t stop right now”, Erin replied, sounding much calmer than she actually felt, “I’m going to kiss you. And maybe do more than that.”

“Trau dich”, Holtzmann smirked, and even though Erin had no idea what she had said, she understood the tone of voice, and, with a strangled gasp, she grabbed Holtzmann and yanked her closer and kissed her hard, pressing herself against her, suddenly so turned on that she could barely handle it.

Her strange kink for people speaking foreign languages and the crush she had on the blonde combined into a force she had no chance to withstand; and it only grew when Holtzmann wrapped both arms around her and pushed her thigh up between Erin’s legs, sending a jolt through her whole body.

“Birne, Birne, Birne”, Holtzmann whispered into her ear after having pulled back from the kiss, making her shudder again, the shivers only increasing when the blonde moved to kiss her throat; she hugged her tight, and moaned, having a second to hope Abby and Patty wouldn’t walk in on this – before Holtzmann’s hand slid beneath her blouse, and all she could think about for quite a while was the touch and taste of the engineer, everything else forgotten.

* * *

 

“You know”, Holtzmann said quite some time later, as they snuggled on the couch, while Erin tried to remember when exactly they had moved to said couch, “if I had known that speaking German to you would lead to this, I would have done so months ago.”

Erin blushed in reply, but smiled, lazily running the tips of her fingers over Holtzmann’s stomach; she craned her neck for a brief kiss, then rested her head on the blonde’s shoulder again, sounding sleepy when she replied. “I’d say you should teach me, but you sound so sexy, I doubt we would get far in those lessons.”

“I know a bit of French, too”, Holtzmann helpfully supplied, earning a giggle, “and I can curse in Finnish. Perkele!”

“Say that again in an hour, when I had time to recover”, Erin mumbled, “and we can do a repeat performance of this.”

“Looking forward to it”, Holtzmann reassured her, making her giggle; she reassured her that she did, too, then kissed her once more, absurdly glad that Holtzmann had opted to curse in German at her little mishap, more than happy about the things this one word and the ones which had followed had led to.

 

 

 

 

(The stuff Holtzmann says: Shit, dog, cat, front door, pickled gherkin, squirrel, spring, summer, autumn and winter, “Good day, Dr Gilbert – come here often?”, “be daring” and “Pear, pear, pear”.)


	23. Save the World, get the Girl

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is set right after Chapter 19, during which Erin was there when Abby got possessed, and tried her best to NOT smooch Holtzmann. Since I was asked to continue this, here we go :Du

There’s no time to worry if Holtzmann really is as okay as she claims after what has happened – after what Rowan in Abby’s body has done to her – because Rowan possesses Kevin next, and takes the body of the human puppy dog they hired to work for them God knows where, and they have to act fast.

Holtzmann repairs the damage Rowan-in-Abby did to the proton packs, and does so with record speed; she’s hoarse when she tells them that they are all set and ready to go, not even half an hour after Rowan has taken hold of Kevin, adding, at Erin’s look, that thankfully, Rowan-in-Abby had been stopped before he had done much damage to their gear.

Erin thinks that Holtzmann completely misinterpreted that look when the engineer gives her explanation, it wasn’t a look of doubt at her skill and the speed with which she did the repairs, but a look of worry at how she sounds, and at the bruises which are already forming on her throat, where Rowan-in-Abby grabbed her; she doesn’t explain that though, not now, but simply nods and grabs her pack, and as they head out, she places a hand on Abby’s shoulder, having seen the way Abby winces whenever Holtzmann says something.

“It’s not your fault”, she says, but from the way Abby looks at her, she knows that these words won’t do it; there’s no time to stop for this now though, they have to get Kevin back and stop Rowan before he destroys the city – perhaps even the world – and so, the four of them rush down to Ecto-1 and drive to the Mercado as fast as they can, eager to put a stop to what Rowan is doing before too much harm can be done.

* * *

 

Everything keeps happening very fast, from the fight at Time Square – and, oh God, Erin thinks to herself, how hot Holtzmann looks blasting ghosts left and right with those two proton pistols, it should be illegal to look so good in a fight, when Holtzmann triumphantly cries “You just got Holtzmanned, baby!” all she can think is _Hell yes I did._

She doesn’t let that distract her though, not for the moment, there’ll be time to think about this, and maybe do something about this, once the fight is over; for now though, they all have to focus, and so she does, tossing proton grenades left and right until finally, the way to the Mercado is free.

Rowan awaits them, of course he does, and turns into the ghost from their logo – adorable and cartoonish at first, then grows into a monstrosity of epic size; they run, and fight, and it ends with Rowan getting sucked into the portal he’s opened the destroy the city.

He grabs Abby on the way down and takes her with him, and Erin thinks her heart will stop right in the moment she sees her best friend vanish in the swirling, sickly green vortex.

She acts fast, doesn’t allow herself to overthink things, ignores how both Patty and Holtzmann cry out to her as she hooks the wire to her coveralls, then runs and jumps into the portal.

She doesn’t know if she’ll make it back out, and what she regrets the most as she falls and gets closer and closer to Abby and Ghost-Rowan is that she hasn’t said anything to Holtzmann, hasn’t kissed her when she had the chance.

At least, Erin tells herself as she manages to at first free Abby from Rowan’s hold, and then grab her hands, she hasn’t failed her friend again; she tells her that, tells her that she wouldn’t leave her a second time – and right after she said that, there’s a mighty yank at the wire she’s still got clipped to her coveralls, she has a second to be thankful that out of pure reflex, she tightened her hold on Abby, and then they are pulled back.

She feels Abby hold on tight to her, tight enough that she’ll probably have bruises in the next morning, but she doesn’t care, she holds Abby just as tight, they will get out of this, she thinks, they’ll get out of this and everything will be fine.

The portal practically spits them out seconds before it closes, and they tumble out of the hotel and land on the sidewalk somewhat ungracefully; she hears Holtzmann yell “Shut _up_!” and Patty adds a “YES!”, and then footsteps rush to where Abby and she landed, and then Holtzmann is there and helps her to her feet.

Erin practically slumps against her, resting her chin on the blonde’s shoulder; she feels Holtzmann’s arms move to embrace her, even though the proton pack is in the way, which makes the hug a bit awkward, but she’s high on adrenaline after what just has happened, and she doesn’t care, and she makes use of that high by doing what she now knows she should have done so much earlier.

She pulls back a bit from the hug, just enough so she can look Holtzmann in the eyes, and grabs the lapels of her coveralls – and then she practically yanks her closer, and kisses her, and it’s a rough and sloppy kiss, but it’s _Holtzmann_ and it feels so good.

Holtzmann seems surprised for about a second, then her hands slide to Erin’s hips and she pulls her closer; the kiss deepens, becomes much more passionate, and Erin swears she can hear Holtzmann moan softly when she moves one hand up to entangle it in her hair.

Belatedly, Erin remembers that Abby and Patty are there with them, and even though she doesn’t want to stop kissing Holtzmann – God, she never wants to stop kissing Holtzmann – she forces herself to pull back from the kiss; Holtzmann looks dazed, but happy, and Erin smiles at her before she turns to look at Abby and Patty, and blushes immediately at the way both of them are looking at the engineer and her with impossibly wide grins on their faces.

“Save the world, get the girl”, Abby says, making Patty laugh while Erin’s blush deepens; then, she laughs too, and turns to Holtzmann again, and kisses her once more, not caring that Kevin is walking up to them and that the army and police people are coming out of their stupor, all she cares about is kissing Holtzmann.

They saved the world, she got the girl, and she’ll never let her go again.


	24. Tub and Tea

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Based on this tumblr prompt: Period cramps...  
> Fluff. So much fluff. And foam.   
> Enjoy! :D

Even on the best of days, Erin wasn’t a relaxed person.

Being with Holtzmann had made her quite a bit more easy-going, and less stiff and uptight than she had been the day she had sought out Abby in the lab at Higgins; still she was far from being as laid-back as her partner about things, but her “professor attitude”, as Holtzmann called it, was one of the many, many things the engineer loved about her physicist.

The rigid, stiff way Erin stood in front of her whiteboard today though was extreme even for her, and Holtzmann found herself unable to concentrate on her own work, distracted by Erin appearing as if her spine had been replaced with a rod of metal.

“Okay, hot stuff”, she finally gave up, letting her screwdriver drop to the table with a clang, “tell me what’s wrong.”

“Nothing”, Erin replied at once, just a tad too fast – Holtzmann knew her quite a bit by now, and knew that sometimes, her girlfriend needed a bit of poking and prodding to say what was bothering her, years of fearing to be a burden and struggling for validation having left their mark.

By now, she didn’t even need to say anything anymore to let Erin know she had seen right through that little lie; she just pulled her glasses down a bit and raised an eyebrow, and after a few seconds under that look, Erin sighed, her shoulders slumping.

“…cramps”, she mumbled, a blush colouring her cheeks, “they’re… kinda bad this month. I handle them fine usually, but this time…"

They hadn’t spoken much of their past relationships – there wasn’t much for Holtzmann to talk about, except for a bunch of one-night-stands, and Erin’s dating history hadn’t been stellar, either – but Erin had revealed enough to let Holtzmann figure out that the boyfriends she’d had before they had met had been many things, but not quite supportive, and certainly not understanding when it came to this certain monthly problem.

“Aw, babe”, she let out, sympathetic, “I know exactly how you feel. Put down that marker and let me make you feel better.”

“I already took something”, Erin replied, a bit of her whine in her voice now as Holtzmann moved over to rub her back, “but it’s taking forever to kick in.”

“Come on”, Holtzmann gave back, gently tugging at her arm and getting her to move away from the whiteboard; she let it happen that Holtzmann led her out of the lab and to the little bathroom they’d had put into the firehouse shortly after moving in, figuring that perhaps, the engineer kept some sort of stronger painkiller there, only to end up surprised when the blonde started running a bath.

“Holtz, what are you doing”, she demanded to know, “it’s barely two in the afternoon, I have work to do, I can’t take a bath now.”

“You’re in pain and you have to relax”, Holtzmann replied, unperturbed, “and as your girlfriend, it is my duty to make that happen. Work can wait until you feel better. In you hop, I’ll be right back.”

Erin almost protested again, then realized that it wouldn’t lead anywhere anyway – and she was somewhat glad about it, admitting to herself that she wouldn’t have gotten much work done anyway, thus quickly taking off her clothes and slipping into the filling tub, a content sigh coming from her as she realized that Holtzmann had gotten the temperature just right, just the way she liked it.

She closed her eyes and enjoyed the feeling of the water rising around her; and a short while later, Holtzmann came back, the sound of her footsteps prompting Erin to open her eyes again, a smile curling her lips when she saw the cup of tea and the plate with the chocolate chip cookie she liked best the engineer was carrying.

“You’re too good to me”, she mumbled, accepting the tea when the blonde handed it to her, then watching how Holtzmann rummaged through the cupboard until she’d found the bottle of bubble bath she knew Erin enjoyed deep inside, but usually denied because that might seem weird for a woman her age, adding a generous splash, smiling at the way Erin’s eyes lit up when the scent started rising from the water – and when foam started to form, the physicist looking as if she would have clapped her hands, had she not been holding the cup.

“The best I can do won’t be too good for you, hot stuff”, Holtzmann told her as she sat on the edge of the tub, so that she could rub Erin’s shoulders; the physicist relaxed even further at the combination of her gentle touch, the tub and the warm tea, feeling as if she would drift off to sleep any moment, her cramps getting significantly better.

She let out a bit of a whine when Holtzmann stopped massaging her, feeling the engineer move a bit on the tub’s edge; she opened her eyes, with the intention to ask why the rubbing had stopped, only to have her eyes widen seconds later, laughter bursting from her lips at the unexpected sight in front of her.

Holtzmann had scooped up a generous handful of foam and had used it to sculpt a Santa Claus beard on her face, waggling her eyebrows and grinning at Erin’s laughter.

“Ho, ho, ho”, she then said, “have you been good, Erin?”

“Dork”, Erin affectionately gave back, putting the tea aside afterwards so she could pull her closer; Holtzmann just had a moment to wipe the foam off, then their lips met, the sparkle in the physicist’s eyes when they pulled apart again making her smile once more.

“Thank you”, Erin mumbled after the kiss, resting her forehead against the engineer’s; Holtzmann reassured her that there was nothing she’d have to thank her for, reminding her of her cookie afterwards and, upon realizing that Erin’s hands were wet, offering to hold it for her so she could take a bite of it.

“Share with me?” Erin gave back, smiling; the engineer nodded at once, and as they ate the cookie together, Erin found herself relax even further, until all the unpleasantness had faded away.


	25. Best Treat Ever

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Based on this tumblr prompt: "can I aks for some really fluffy Holtzbert?"  
> And how could I say No to indulging in a fluff-fest? :D

When Erin opened her eyes early in the morning, she almost expected birds to come in through the window and chirp a happy song for her, like in some sort of Disney movie.

She figured that this was just yet another sign for the romantic she secretly was at heart – not so secretly anymore now, perhaps – and smiled to herself; during the past year, she had been existing in what could only be described as a state of perpetual bliss, and that had brought her romantic side out quite a bit, but she couldn’t really say that she minded.

And it was all thanks to the woman still slumbering beside her, one Dr Jillian Holtzmann.

If someone had told Erin that the words “come here often?” would lead to this some day, she probably would have laughed and called them crazy; and yet here they were, in the apartment they had been renting together for a month now, in a relationship which was going so well that it was ridiculous. (They had arguments of course, Erin figured that every couple had those, but these arguments never got nasty, and usually were resolved quickly.)

She checked the alarm clock on the bedside table, not surprised that she had woken up ten minutes before the alarm – her internal clock usually woke her before the alarm actually could go off, and she was glad about that, as it gave her a chance to watch Holtzmann sleep, the only state in which the engineer wasn’t a bouncing ball of energy. Even though she did move around more than the average person even when she was slumbering.

Turning away from the alarm clock and towards her partner, Erin snuggled closer to her, only feeling happier when, despite actually still snoring, Holtzmann draped one arm around her in response; she got comfortable and allowed herself to doze a bit until the alarm finally did ring, holding back a laugh at the dismayed grunt she heard from the engineer at the incessant beeping.

“Weottaetnothertone”, Holtzmann then mumbled into the pillow, making the physicist raise an eyebrow; she was quite fluent in Holtzmann-ish now, but that was hard to decipher even for her.

“Beg your pardon?” she thus said, earning a groan from the blonde before she lifted her head off the pillow enough to be capable of proper speech.

“I said”, she said, blinking sleepily, “we gotta get another tone. A clock with another tone. This beep is so annoying.”

“We are not getting the rooster alarm clock you looked at on Amazon the other day”, Erin told her at once, earning a little “Aw” and sleepy puppy dog eyes from her girlfriend, “oh, and, good morning.”

“Morning, babe”, Holtzmann replied with a smile, leaning in for a brief, but tender kiss; and afterwards, they both got out of bed, having developed a morning routine in the first week they had lived together.

Holtzmann was the one who was quicker in the shower, but needed longer to get her hair done, so she showered first (showers together were for weekends only, after they had been late to work one too many times), while Erin got the coffee machine started; once the engineer was done in the shower, Erin got in, and by the time she got back out, Holtzmann had her hair done and was dressed and waiting for her with a cup of coffee just the way she liked it.

“I’m excited”, Holtzmann told her once they were on their way to the firehouse, “I got this new prototype I want to test, think you can find a few minutes to join me in the alleyway for that before lunch?”

“Sure”, Erin replied at once, she loved testing new gear with Holtzmann – while their relationship had made her so much more comfortable with herself and had brought out sides of her she’d kept repressed for way too long, Holtzmann was much more safety-conscious now, about her new inventions and lab safety in general, and so, testing things was even more fun than it had been when they had started the Ghostbusters.

“Excellent”, Holtzmann grinned, making Erin smile back at her; Abby and Patty were already there when they arrived at the firehouse, and greeted them quite enthusiastically, Abby looking kind of excited, but Erin didn’t think much about this, after all, Abby often was excited about things, her enthusiasm being one of the many things Erin loved about her best friend.

The four of them chatted for a bit over more coffee and breakfast pastries, then moved to their various workstations; if Erin hadn’t gotten so lost in her equations and numbers, she might have noticed the glances Abby shot Holtzmann every now and then, but she was too focused on her own work, barely registering when Holtzmann headed out to the back alley after a while, and thinking nothing of it, there had been talk of a new prototype to test after all.

“Erin, apple of my eye”, the engineer’s voice distracted her from her work a few minutes later, making her cap her marker before she turned to look at the blonde, “ready for the test?”

“Yes, sure”, Erin replied, noting that Holtzmann seemed a bit nervous; she briefly wondered what this could mean, perhaps she wasn’t sure if Erin would like whatever she had come up with, then she shrugged it off, figuring that whatever it was Holtzmann had created this time, she was certain it would be as great as all the other things the blonde had built in the course of the past year.

Curious to see what Holtzmann had for her, the physicist stepped outside; the Table of Treats, as it had been called ever since their first test there (by now, it even had a little sign mounted to the side with that name on it), was the first thing her gaze moved to, and she frowned a bit when it appeared to be empty.

Then, she took another, closer look, and her heart skipped a beat as she saw the little metal box sitting on it, right in the middle.

She looked at Holtzmann, eyes wide, and the engineer cleared her throat; she picked the box up and moved closer to Erin, the physicist feeling her cheeks heat up when her partner opened the little container, and feeling decidedly faint when she saw the silver ring within.

“When I was in college”, Holtzmann started, making Erin look at her again, the engineer’s tone as stilted as it had been back at the bar, during her toast, a year ago, “I, uh, kinda used to smoke pot quite a bit to… make my mind slow down. There was too much going on in there, you know, I found other ways to have that under control, most of the time, it didn’t always work, and that led to things going poof, more often than not actually, then I met Abby and it got a bit better and… then I met you, and you make it so much better. You slow down that chaos, in a good way, and you make me so happy and I love you. I want to be with forever so… willyoumarryme?”

The question came out in a rush, but Erin understood it perfectly well; during Holtzmann’s speech, tears had started to blur her eyes, and she now blinked frantically to hold them back, unable to keep her voice from cracking though when she gave the blonde her answer.

“Yes, oh my God, of course, yes!” she brought out, and Holtzmann’s smile was blinding; Erin rushed forward, nearly squishing the box between them as she practically yanked her closer for a passionate and deep kiss.

She was out of breath by the time they pulled apart again, and that only got worse when she took a closer look at the ring and saw the tiny irregularities and made note of the fact that, instead of a diamond or some other jewel, the socket held a tiny shard of yellow glass, immediately thinking back to the bust during which Holtzmann’s glasses had been broken, another look revealing the words _Come here often?_ engraved into the ring’s inside.

“Oh my God”, she repeated her previous sentiment, “you made that yourself…? All of it?”

“Yes”, Holtzmann replied, looking sheepish all at once, “but, um, if you don’t like it, I can get you a proper one, I don’t want you to think I’m cheap or something, I—”

Erin cut her off with another kiss, the tears trickling down her cheeks after all now; Holtzmann looked a bit dazed when they pulled apart once more, only to smile again at the physicist’s reply.

“Don’t you dare get me another one”, Erin mumbled, holding her close, “I love it. I love _you_. And I can’t wait to become Dr Gilbert-Holtzmann. This is the best day of my life!”

Holtzmann beamed happily at her, clearly liking the sound of their names together like this; Erin smiled back at her just as bright, then held her hand out to the engineer so she could slip the ring onto her finger, admiring it afterwards, impressed by how well it fit.

She kissed the engineer once more afterwards, her heart skipping in excitement at the thought that she’d get to spend her life with this woman; and afterwards, they went back inside, where Abby and Patty were waiting with champagne and cake to celebrate, and Erin hugged them both and showed off her new engagement ring, then hugged her fiancée – and if that wasn’t an amazing thought, Holtzmann was her _fiancée_ now – the four of them celebrating for the rest of the day.


	26. Lions, Tigers and Bears, Oh My!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Based on this tumblr prompt: You know that song 'Starving' by Hailee Steinfeld, Grey, & Zedd? I love the part when she sings, "Don't need no butterflies when you give me the whole damn zoo." I love that. That's my prompt, about that feelings all over you body when you're attracted to someone, not just the butterfly on your stomach. Thanks! :)

Erin was distracted, and it was all Holtzmann’s fault.

She wondered if the engineer was aware of that as she simultaneously worked on an upgraded version of the ghost trap and danced to the apparently endless 80’s playlist she’d put on, lip-synching and swaying her hips in a way which was very distracting indeed.

_She must be doing that on purpose,_ Erin thought to herself as she tore her gaze away from Holtzmann with quite the force of will, trying to return her focus to her whiteboard; when it had been suggested that she should do her work up in the lab with Holtz, since they did so much of it together now, Erin’s calculations a big part of the blonde’s inventions, she had thought that this made perfect sense, but now, she severely regretted that decision.

Because Holtzmann was all too distracting, and her productivity had been much better when she’d still worked downstairs.

“Eriiiiin”, Holtzmann sang, making her flinch guiltily as she couldn’t help but wonder if any of her thoughts had shown through her features – she never had been good at hiding her emotions, “sweet, lovely Erin, would you hop over here and help me with this for a second?”

“Sure”, Erin made herself say, giving her best to sound calm and collected; she took a bit longer than necessary to cap her marker, then moved to where Holtzmann was standing at her workbench, the engineer giving her a toothy grin and bumping her with her hip the moment she was within reach.

Erin had heard of the phenomenon described as butterflies in one’s stomach before, but what she felt when Holtzmann did that was way, _way_ more than that.

“What do you need me to do”, she asked, aware of the tremble in her voice, but hoping it had been miniscule enough so that Holtzmann hadn’t actually noticed, too; and she again wondered if Holtzmann was doing this on purpose when the engineer licked her lips much slower than necessary in reply, sending a shiver up and down her spine.

She swallowed heavily, by now quite convinced that Holtzmann was doing this on purpose – the engineer had flirted with her from day one, and so far, Erin had thought she was hiding her growing affection for her quite well, but judging from how Holtzmann had stepped up her game the past few weeks, it seemed Erin hadn’t been as good at hiding things as she’d thought.

“Just hold this here, hot stuff”, Holtzmann told her, nodding at the wires she needed help with, “as steady as you can, alright?”

“Sure”, Erin squeaked, the noise caused by the engineer taking hold of her hands and guiding them to the right position; again she thought of butterflies, but they weren’t only restricted to her stomach, and it felt too big for butterflies, too. _Condor_ probably was a more fitting animal choice for what Holtzmann caused within her. Or some other massive animal, if one wanted to move away from the world of birds.

“Alright”, Holtzmann mumbled, so close that Erin could feel her warm breath on her neck as she spoke; and before she could stop herself, she squeaked and took a fast step away, her face flaming as the engineer at first looked surprised, then a bit hurt.

_Oh no,_ the physicist panicked internally, staring at the blonde with wide eyes, _no no no. You made Holtz sad!_

“I’m sorry”, she blurted out, wringing her hands nervously, but feeling a bit better when Holtzmann went back to looking confused, “it’s just… You know that saying about butterflies?”

“What?” Holtzmann gave back, confusion only growing; realizing that she had left out part of said saying, Erin nearly facepalmed, asking herself why she, with her brilliant mind, had to turn into a gibbering fool the moment she was confronted with the engineer and her feelings for her.

“Butterflies”, she tried to confirm, “in your stomach? When you, um… like someone?” _God, Gilbert, way to sound like a nervous high school kid._

“Yeeees?” Holtzmann gave back, still a bit confused, but now appearing hopeful, too, “what about them? You have those?”

_For me?_ Erin was quite sure Holtzmann had thought, but not said out loud; she could feel herself blush again and cleared her throat, then mumbled “No”, only to realize that this hadn’t been the best way to start her response when Holtzmann’s face fell.

“Not butterflies”, she thus hurriedly added, “more like… the whole zoo. And not just in my stomach, either. Tigers all over.”

“…that sounds potentially lethal”, Holtzmann pointed out, smiling now though, “but, hey, as you certainly noticed, you make me feel a whole damn zoo, too.”

Erin found herself smiling widely at that, and the engineer beamed back at her at once; still she made no move to kiss her, but all at once, Erin decided that she had taken long enough to come to terms with what she was feeling, and closed the gap between them, small as it was, with one quick step, pressing her lips to Holtzmann’s.

Immediately, she felt the engineer kiss her back, and melted against her, unable to hold back a sigh when she felt the blonde wrap both arms around her; they kissed until she felt decidedly faint, the flush on her face having nothing to do with embarrassment this time when she finally pulled back, her breath noticeable quicker.

“Yeah”, she mumbled, while Holtzmann just looked somewhat dazed, but happy, smiling only wider at what Erin said next, “hypothesis confirmed. Definitely more than butterflies.”


	27. Up On Top

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Based on this tumblr prompt: Erin loves to be on top of Holtzmann (ex. Sitting on her lap, cuddling on sofa, play fight).   
> A bit short, but fluffy :D

Erin and Holtzmann had been officially dating for two weeks when Holtzmann for the first time consciously noticed that there was a certain thing Erin seemed to enjoy quite much.

The first few times it happened, the engineer thought nothing of it; she only picked up on it when she noticed the regularity with which it happened, and only became more aware of how often Erin did this certain thing when she consciously paid attention to it.

For some reason Holtzmann couldn’t quite figure out, Erin really seemed to enjoy being on top of her.

The first time Holtzmann consciously noticed was when they had a make-out session on the couch up in her lab; barely two minutes in, and Erin had been straddling her – not that she had minded – and from there on, the making out only had gotten more passionate.

And from there on, as the engineer started to pay attention, she realized that Erin always did this, without fail – whenever they made out on the couch, the physicist ended up on her lap within minutes.

Quickly, Holtzmann realized that this wasn’t limited to the couch, either – when she was sitting at her workbench in the lab, Erin often unceremoniously dropped down onto her lap, when they were cuddling during movie nights with the team, she often ended up lying halfway on top of the engineer, and quite often fell asleep like that, too, this usually ending with Holtzmann tenderly waking her up once it was time to go to bed.

When they had their first tickle fight – initiated by Holtzmann, of course, Erin never would have started something so immature, but was more than happy to fight back once it had begun – it had taken barely a minute until Holtzmann was on her back on the floor and Erin lying on top of her, tickling her mercilessly until she dissolved into helpless tears of laughter.

Holtzmann found this strange need of the physicist quite intriguing, and wondered if it’d show during their first time, too; she barely could wait to find out, but gave Erin all the time the redhead needed, well aware of the fact that she was Erin’s first girlfriend and that the physicist was quite nervous about sleeping with her for the first time.

She briefly considered to ask Abby if she ever had noticed this behaviour from Erin before, then decided against it – she didn’t know much about the high school and college experience of Abby and Erin, but she knew that the two of them hadn’t exactly been social butterflies, and didn’t want to bring back any unpleasant memories.

And so, she kept her questions to herself, and was more than happy to have Erin sit or lie on her; the physicist always looked so relaxed when she was in Holtzmann’s lap, eyes shining and the gentlest, loveliest smile Holtzmann had ever seen curling her lips.

“You really enjoy that, don’t you”, she still couldn’t stop herself from pointing it out at some point, when Erin had ended up on her lap yet again as her work on the ghost trap had been interrupted by an impromptu make-out session, “being on top of me, I mean? Not that I mind. Love it, in fact.”

“I guess I do”, Erin replied, blushing prettily, but smiling, “not my fault though that you’re so comfy. And… this will sound really cheesy, but…”

“But?” Holtzmann gently prodded, ready to back off the moment Erin would appear uncomfortable with answering the question; the physicist just smiled again though, her voice softening as she replied, her words making the engineer smile brightly.

“It makes me feel safe”, Erin confessed, one of her hands sliding from where it had been resting on Holtzmann’s shoulder to the back of her neck, sending a shudder up and down the blonde’s spine when she tenderly caressed the fine hair there, “ _you_ make me feel safe. As if nothing can harm me when I’m so close to you.”

“Aw”, Holtzmann let out, touched; Erin smiled back at her, then leaned in for a tender kiss, the engineer kissing her back at once and pulling her even closer, thinking to herself that she more than gladly would have Erin sit or lie on her every minute of every hour if it made her feel this way.


	28. Scars

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bases on this tumblr prompt: Don’t ever hide your scars. They’re what makes you beautiful/ handsome
> 
> This has mentions of self-harm, and is made of angst and fluff.

Erin purposefully hurts herself the first time when she’s nine.

She’s not cutting herself, not then, but pinching and scratching, after a particularly bad day at school; and it makes her feel strangely better, the physical pain pushing the ache in her heart aside.

She’s ten when she pinches hard enough to bruise herself the first time, and scratches hard enough to break the skin; the sight of the blood horrifies her, but it makes her feel better again, too, more real.

It helps, for a while, even though part of her already knows that she shouldn’t do this, even at this tender age; she ignores that warning little voice though, and keeps doing it, after especially bad days at school or at the therapist’s office her parents still make her go to.

She makes sure that neither her parents, nor her therapist, nor anyone at school finds out what she does to herself, knowing that will only make it worse.

When she’s thirteen, the pinching and scratching aren’t enough anymore, and she cuts herself with an actual blade the first time; the little voice telling her this is bad goes from telling to screaming at this, but she ignores it, because it helps, God it helps, and she doesn’t care if it’s wrong.

Then she meets Abby, and for a while, things get better; she’s still anxious and has panic attacks, but they lessen, being friends with Abby helps with that, too, and the urge to hurt herself isn’t as big as it used to be.

By then, though, her need to be accepted and validated is too big, and she leaves the only friend she ever had, and a week after she left Abby to face that interview alone, she has a massive panic attack and ends up crying and puking and nearly fainting in the bathroom.

After that, as the lonely days turn into weeks and those into months and the months turn into years, Erin keeps hurting herself in more or less regular intervals – always where her clothes won’t reveal it, and always making sure nobody ever notices. That’s not especially difficult, with her lack of friends and lack of romantic relationships.

On the day the elder gentleman visits her at her work with the book, and tells her it’s on Amazon, for God’s sake, her fingers itch to hold a blade, but she fights the urge, tells herself that she can channel this impulse into something else, into righteous anger and indignation, emotions she’ll need to deal with Abby.

She fails dealing with Abby the way she’s been planning to, but she makes some sort of deal with her, at least; and then, everything happens very fast, her whole life gets turned upside down, and for a while, she forgets all about the urge to hurt herself.

Not even when she realizes that she’s crushing on Holtzmann, the urge comes back, and that is quite surprising, because wanting another woman certainly is nothing the people she wants validation from would approve of… but then, the people she used to want validation from fired her, saw her as a fraud and only realize that what the others and she do has merit when they save New York (and possibly the world).

She’s been watching Holtzmann, for a while now, has been trying to figure out if the engineer only flirts with her to this extent or if she does it with everyone; and she quickly figures out that’s only her, and it scares and thrills her at the same time.

It makes her want to hurt herself again, too, but she fights it, she’s not been doing this for a while now, and she wants to stay away from the blades.

She counts the days since the last time she cut herself, and with each day she can add to that tally, she tells herself that it’d be foolish to relapse now, but it’s hard, and more often than not, she finds her eyes glued to Holtzmann’s sharper tools as she watches the engineer work.

She wonders if Holtzmann notices, and if she reads this correctly, or if she thinks Erin is just staring at her hands. Not that those aren’t quite interesting to watch, too.

Whenever the urge to hurt herself comes up as sunlight glints on Holtzmann’s tools, Erin looks at her hands instead, and wonders how they would feel on her body, and how it would feel to have Holtzmann kiss her.

She finds out a few days later, after a successful bust; she’s high on adrenaline after they have trapped the ghost, and they are alone for a moment because they split up in teams, and before she can stop herself, she grabs the blonde and yanks her closer and kisses her, and Holtzmann kisses her back at once, wrapping her arms around her waist and pulling her closer until they are pressed against each other.

And not long after that, she learns what Holtzmann’s hands feel like on her body; she’s lost in a haze of passion and lust, and so, she doesn’t realize that the engineer can perfectly see the scars on her arms and thighs until they are lying breathless and exhausted in bed and she’s resting in Holtzmann’s arms, trying to slow down her galloping heart, realizing that no one has ever made her feel this way before.

No one has ever seen her scars, either – not even Abby – and the thought takes her breath away a different way; Holtzmann notices immediately, and asks her what’s wrong, but Erin doesn’t answer her, can’t answer her, scrambling for the blanket instead, suddenly just knowing that she had to cover herself, as if the engineer might forget the scars the moment they are out of sight.

“Erin”, Holtzmann says, “hey, no. Don’t hide from me.” She doesn’t try to stop Erin though, just looks at her; there’s warmth and calm in her gaze, nothing of the contempt or judgement Erin somewhat expected, and her frantic movements slow down, the blanket settling around her waist, leaving her upper body – and her arms – bare and visible.

“You don’t have to hide your scars from me”, Holtzmann tells her, uncharacteristically serious, and somehow, Erin manages to not flinch back when the engineer reaches out and runs calloused fingers over her upper arms, tracing the white lines etched into her skin there, and even though, just a minute ago, the thought of Holtzmann simply seeing the scars, let alone touch them, would have made Erin bolt from the room, she just relaxes now at the blonde’s tender touch, her sight blurring at what Holtzmann says next. “They are what makes you beautiful.”

“I don’t know how doing that to myself makes me beautiful”, Erin mumbles, blinking furiously to hold back the tears, “it just shows that I’m weak, and messed up…”

“No”, Holtzmann replies at once, her hand moving so she has her arm around Erin now again and can pull her closer, “they show that you are strong. Life tried to break you, but you didn’t let it, you bent a bit, but you didn’t break. You’re here, are you not? You’re here, you’re a badass Ghostbuster, and you’re much stronger than you might be aware of.”

Now, Erin loses the fight against her tears, and she lets out a quiet, barely audible sob; Holtzmann hears though, of course she does, and pulls her even closer, rubs her back and kisses away her tears.

And even though Erin knows the urge will come back, knows that finding someone to love her and someone she loves back won’t magically take these urges away, the need to hurt herself is gone, completely gone, for the first time in years, and she clings to Holtzmann tighter, wishing she could find the words to tell the engineer about this, but unable to do more than press out a choked-up “Thank you”.

Holtzmann just holds her in response, and rubs her back, and keeps kissing her face, and somehow, Erin knows the blonde heard the words she couldn’t say, and hugs her back tightly.

When Holtzmann works on their gear again in the next day, Erin doesn’t look at her tools once.


	29. Clarity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Based on this tumblr prompt: How about angsty holtzbert with this Clarity lyrics? "If our love is tragedy why are you my remedy? If our love's insanity why are you my clarity?"

Erin kept telling herself that it would never work out. She told herself this as she watched Holtzmann work on her inventions, fascinated by how nimble and graceful the engineer’s fingers moved, such a stark contrast to how boisterous Holtzmann was whenever she wasn’t working.

She told herself it would never work whenever the need to feel these fingers on her skin became too strong; it wouldn’t be right, she told herself, Holtzmann was a co-worker and a friend, and not more than that, couldn’t ever be more than that.

Not that Holtzmann seemed to be aware about this, or care about it, seeing how she kept flirting with the physicist, clearly fond of the way Erin blushed each time she did so – and apparently, the engineer had upped her game in the past few days, now adding innocent touches, the brush of a hand when she asked Erin to hand her a tool, or a brief touch on her back when she walked past her.

Each time Holtzmann touched her like this, Erin thought to herself that she knew how it had to feel when one of the engineer’s projects was unhappy with her and shocked her, electricity running all through her body and making her heart beat faster.

She knew that she should tell Holtzmann to stop, that it would be insane to start anything with her – she’d been so very straight for the past forty-two years, successfully ignoring and suppressing any feelings she might have had towards other women in her life, and as if that wasn’t enough, they were co-workers too, Erin told herself, being in any sort of relationship would only make that more complicated, and what if things went bad between them?

This was how Erin reasoned as she laid in bed at night, kept awake by her mind running a mile a minute, and most of those thoughts circling around Holtzmann; she cursed the engineer for having this effect on her, wondering if there was anything she could do to make these feelings stop.

If only emotions could be switched off as easily as the machines Holtzmann built for them, she thought to herself sourly as she tossed and turned; finally, she drifted off into an uneasy sleep, and her dreams were filled with flashes of blonde and calloused, but tender hands on her body, and when the alarm tore her out of her sleep in the next morning, she felt as if she barely had slept at all.

Thus, Erin was quite grumpy as she made her way to the firehouse, the combination of her uneasy sleep and the dreams leaving her frustrated and tired; she stopped at a Starbucks on the way to get coffee, and downed that in a few big gulps before she even arrived at work, her “Morning” not quite as cheerful as usual, prompting Abby to look at her curiously, the researcher not questioning her obvious sour mood though.

It didn’t help her mood that the moment she set food on the second floor, Holtzmann greeted her with a cheery “Good morning, hot stuff”, and that it only took a few minutes until the engineer patted her back as she walked past her, the words bursting from the physicist’s lips before she could stop herself.

“Okay, you have _got_ to stop that”, Erin blurted, prompting Holtzmann to freeze in mid-motion, looking taken aback – before a look of hurt flashed over her face, and the redhead immediately felt bad for her outburst. After all, she told herself, Holtzmann was just being nice, a bit flirty perhaps, but nice, and here she was, snapping at her like that first thing in the morning.

“Um, I’m sorry”, Holtzmann mumbled, her gaze dropped to the floor while her hand came up to briefly touch her necklace, something Erin had noticed her to do whenever she was uncomfortable, “I… I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable or anything, I’m gonna cut it out then, sorry. I, um, I have work to do so… sorry.”

“It’s not that”, Erin hurried to reassure her, feeling even worse at the blonde’s reaction, and reaching out to grasp her wrist and keep her from going, “you’re not making me uncomfortable Holtz, I’m sorry for snapping at you. It’s just…”

She trailed off, not sure how to explain this, not sure how to tell Holtzmann that it’d be insane to start anything, with their line of work and the risk of it falling apart and hurting the team; Holtzmann was looking at her somewhat curious now though, and she fought the urge to nervously run both hands through her hair as she continued.

“It’s just”, she said, trying to win a few more seconds, “you make me the… exact opposite of uncomfortable. And that’s bad because we can’t do… this, anything I mean, we work together, we have such a dangerous job when we go out on busts, it’d be insane to be anything more than co-workers and friends, and—”

Holtzmann cut her off the sweetest way possible, by stepping closer, slipping both arms around her waist and kissing her; and even though Erin just had told her that this would be insane and that they couldn’t do this, she kissed her back at once, wrapping both arms around her, her content sigh muffled by the engineer’s mouth when the kiss deepened.

Perhaps, she thought to herself as she melted against the smaller woman, all the need and desire she’d been repressing ever since seeing her for the first time breaking through to the surface and turning the kiss into something almost rough, this truly was an insane thing to do… but she never had felt more grounded and her mind had never ran with more clarity than it did in this very moment, and so, Erin figured, this had to be a good thing after all.


	30. Hush

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is all maschinenmensch's fault :P We were talking on tumblr and our minds went to the gutter and this is what I came up with. XD It is WAY smuttier than my usual stuff, but I imagine still tame compared to some other stories on here. Anyway! Enjoy. Ahem. Erin certainly did.

If Erin had known what Holtzmann was planning when the engineer called out to her and asked her to come up to the lab, she possibly would have declined – or at least prepared herself better, she thought to herself afterwards, because it had been so good, she was sure she wouldn’t have wanted to miss out on it.

It had been difficult too though, and that had been all Holtzmann’s fault.

It had started fairly innocent, the engineer calling down from the second floor that she needed help with something; of course, her girlfriend had been the one to go upstairs – ignoring the teasing from Abby and Patty –, having expected her partner halfway stuck in some sort of contraption; instead, Holtzmann was leaning comfortably against her desk, arms crossed over her chest, smirking at the redhead as she reached the top of the stairs.

“What do you need help with, Holtz?” Erin wanted to know, not having an idea yet what awaited her; Holtzmann just smiled, and shrugged, then opened her arms, and Erin went to embrace her more than willingly, never quite getting enough of Holtzmann hugs. Abby and Patty gave quite the good hugs, too, she thought to herself as the engineer wrapped both arms around her, but Holtz hugs were the best of them all.

“I need your help”, Holtzmann whispered into her ear, the warm breath on the sensitive skin there making the physicist shiver, “to put out a fire.”

“What!”, Erin squeaked, almost jumping out of the embrace, “what fire?! Where?!”

She looked around frantically, searching for fire or smoke, some of her alarm fading though when she spotted neither anywhere; confused, her gaze focused on Holtzmann again, and when she saw the grin on the engineer’s face, she realized that perhaps, Holtzmann hadn’t been talking about a literal fire.

“Holtz?” she inquired, confusion only growing; in response, the engineer’s smile only widened, looking decidedly wolfish – before she grabbed Erin around the waist and, eliciting a squeal from the physicist, spun her around, lifted her up and lowered her onto the desk, the metal cold against her butt even through the fabric of her jeans.

“Too bad you didn’t wear a skirt today”, Holtzmann mumbled, interrupting herself by placing featherlike kisses on Erin’s throat, knowing that kissing her there – especially at the point where her pulse could be felt – always made the redhead weak in the knees, without fail, “would’ve made this easier. Oh well.”

“Holtz”, Erin half said, half groaned, a bit shocked at how fast she was getting turned on, “we can’t do that up here. Abby and Patty are right downstairs! And Kevin!”

“You’ll just have to be quiet than”, Holtzmann lightly replied, as if that was so easily done, “I’ll help.”

And with that, she kissed the redhead deeply, the feeling of her tongue exploring her mouth making Erin moan softly, a moan which thankfully was muffled by the very kiss which had caused it; as if in response to the noise, Holtzmann slid both hands beneath her shirt, caressing her bare back at first, then moving one hand to cup a breast through her bra, and she moaned again, all protest about not doing this up here in the lab immediately forgotten.

So far, Erin hadn’t realized it, but the thought of doing this up here, with Abby and Patty so close nearby, turned her on way more than it probably should; she couldn’t help herself though, and so, she brought up her legs and wrapped them around Holtzmann’s waist, practically yanking her closer, prompting her to pull back from the kiss and raise an eyebrow at her.

“Getting into it, are we”, she mumbled, earning a mixture of glare and exasperation from the physicist; Holtzmann took a moment to chuckle, to Erin’s chagrin, then kissed her deeply again – and moved her hand to her jeans, opening the button quickly with nimble fingers.

The sound of the zipper being pulled down was so loud to Erin’s ears that she was sure everyone had heard it downstairs, but she didn’t make a move to stop Holtzmann, too turned on by now to think straight enough. And it only got worse when the engineer slid her hand into Erin’s pants.

Her fingers were skilled from years of working on delicate machinery, as Erin had learned when they’d slept together before; she felt Holtzmann smirk against her lips when said skilled fingers encountered tale-telling wetness, and reacted by pushing her hips forward, into her touch, eager to feel more of her, feel her inside her.

When Holtzmann pulled her hand back out after just a bit of teasing caressing, Erin almost let out a whine, biting it back the last second as she realized she had to be quiet.

“Now, now”, Holtzmann mumbled against her lips, making her pout by pulling back from the kiss, “patience, hot stuff.”

She moved her other hand to Erin’s shoulder and applied gentle pressure, the physicist getting the hint quickly and lying down on her back; the table was cold beneath her, but she didn’t care much anymore, lifting her hips so the engineer could pull her pants and underwear off easily, the noise with which they hit the floor sending shivers which had nothing to do with the table up and down her spine.

Again, Holtzmann wasted no time, going down on her knees – and if that wasn’t the hottest thing Erin had ever seen, she didn’t know what else was – and then going down somewhere else; she ran her tongue over the physicist’s folds agonizingly slow, and Erin _almost_ moaned, biting it back in the last second again, her fingers gripping the edge of the table when the engineer repeated the motion, then focused on her clit, and Erin’s grip on the table tightened until her knuckles whitened.

She had thought that Holtzmann was good at this the first time they’d made love, but by now, the blonde also had learned what she liked, and did just that, _all of it_ , from grazing her with her teeth just enough to have it be pleasant and not painful, to adding her fingers after a while, the physicist at this point gritting her teeth so hard that part of her feared they might shatter.

She did let out a low, drawn out moan now, and immediately, as if in punishment, Holtzmann’s tongue vanished; Erin whined again, only to realize belatedly what the blonde was planning as she appeared in her field of vision, taking a moment to smirk at her and lick her lips before she wiped her mouth – and then silenced her with another kiss, fingers moving in and out rhythmically now, the kiss keeping Erin’s moans from being more than soft, muffled sounds.

Eager to feel more, Erin tried to grind her hips harder against Holtzmann’s hand; the blonde took the hit quickly and sped up the pace, never breaking the kiss, and somehow managing to not let out a noise of her own when suddenly, Erin’s hands were on her back and the nails were digging into her skin.

It hurt, a bit, but it was the sweetest pain she had ever felt, and it only made her go even faster and harder, and not long after that, Erin cried out against her mouth, shuddering as she climaxed, clinging to her even tighter, hips briefly even rising off the table before she slumped back down, panting heavily.

Letting her come down slowly, Holtzmann slowed down the movements at first, then carefully pulled out, caressing her tenderly now; Erin let out a heavy breath, her body going slack, Holtzmann taking this as a sign that the danger of loud noise was over now and pulling back from the kiss, smirking at the blissful look on Erin’s face afterwards.

“You’re crazy”, Erin mumbled once she had regained her breath enough to speak, a bit disappointed when Holtzmann’s hand vanished from between her legs, “up here like this. What if someone had come up?”

“The only one who came up here was you”, Holtzmann replied smugly, chuckling when Erin weakly swatted at her arm; she winked, then kissed her briefly once more before she bent down to pick up Erin’s underwear and jeans, holding them out to her with a grin much like the one of the cat which had eaten the canary.

“Enjoyed yourself, hot stuff?” she asked innocently as Erin took the clothing from her, then looked around for something to clean up with at least a bit before she’d actually put it back on; her eyes met Holtzmann’s again at the question, and she blushed, clearing her throat before she replied. “Way more than I actually should have. That was… amazing.”

“Glad to hear”, Holtzmann grinned, still looking way too smug for Erin’s liking; and as the engineer handed her a tissue for at least a bit of cleaning up, she silently vowed revenge, a plan already forming in her mind, making her smile to herself as she thought that certainly, Holtzmann would never see that one coming.


	31. Hush: Movie Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I SHOULD be working on the prompts I got (sorry y'all who sent! ^^;), instead, I'm writing more smut. Ahem. Enjoy ;)

It took a while until Erin had her chance to put her plan for revenge into motion, but when it presented herself, she took it without hesitation.

Before Holtzmann, she thought to herself, she never would have dared to do what she had in mind; being with the engineer though had not only made her less uptight, but quite a bit more daring, as well, and she put that new development to use about a week after Holtzmann had made her come in the upstairs lab.

It was movie night, with the other girls; and as always during those occasions, Holtzmann and she were snuggling on the couch while Abby and Patty had taken the comfortable armchairs, and Erin was glad that it was cold enough to warrant covering them both with a blanket, as said blanket would keep the other two from seeing anything, should they happen to glance their way.

Thankfully though, the movie they had chosen was quite captivating, and once she could be sure Abby and Patty were focused fully on the story unfolding, she made her move, harmlessly enough at first, by placing her hand on Holtzmann’s thigh, casting a brief glance at the blanket to make sure the movement couldn’t be seen through it.

Holtzmann briefly looked at her at the tender touch, and smiled, but clearly didn’t suspect a thing, her gaze returning to the TV a moment later – and so, it came as quite the surprise when Erin let her hand slide higher, until it was between the engineer’s legs.

Holtzmann’s head whipped around so fast that Erin wondered if she’d given herself whiplash, her eyes wide and full of surprise.

Erin smiled back innocently at her, glad that Holtzmann had opted to wear comfortable sweat pants for movie night – she was by no means clumsy, but not as skilled as the blonde with her fingers, and this spared her the hassle of having to open a button or zipper without Abby or Patty noticing.

Thankfully, both of them were still focused on the screen, having no idea what was going on beneath the blanket; Erin noticed how Holtzmann momentarily stiffened as her hand slid into her pants, the engineer then shooting her a look of disbelief, the physicist keeping the innocent smile on her face.

_Quiet,_ she mouthed, raising an eyebrow when she reached her destination and found warm wetness there, not quite having expected to find the blonde so turned on already. _Well, that was fast._

She looked at the TV again, not wanting the other two to notice that she was staring at Holtzmann; she felt the engineer shift slightly as she moved her fingers, in an attempt to get closer to her, and noticed how her breath quickened – and she reacted to that, stopping her movements at once, forced to hold back laughter when Holtzmann gave her a look so incredulous that she might as well have suggested they should smash up their proton packs with a baseball bat.

Erin raised an eyebrow pointedly, and waited until Holtzmann had forced her breathing back to normal; only then, she slowly started caressing and rubbing again, and somehow, the engineer managed to keep her breathing levelled and calm, even though Erin could feel how she gripped the couch tightly.

“Erin”, Holtzmann said after she just had done so for a while, voice surprisingly level, making Erin wonder if she hadn’t tried hard enough, only to realize what the engineer was aiming for when she went on, “our drinks are… empty. Want to help me get some more?”

Erin wondered if the other two could hear the arousal in the blonde’s voice, but if they did, they made no comment about it; Patty just asked for a beer, not looking away from the screen once, and Abby gave an agreeing nod, neither of them noticing how Erin pulled her hand from beneath the blanket.

She took note of Holtzmann walking a bit more stiff than usual as they made their way to the kitchen; and the second they were there, the engineer whirled around and pointed an accusing finger at Erin, who looked back with an expression that screamed “heart and soul of innocence”.

“You”, Holtzmann said, shaking her head, but still keeping her voice low so the others wouldn’t hear, “getting me all worked up in there with Abby and Patty so close! At least when I did that to you in the lab, they were on another floor!”

“They’re in another room now”, Erin pointed out in response, her smile turning coy now as she stepped closer to the engineer and hooked two fingers into the waistband of her pants, “so unless you don’t feel like it… Or don’t think you can be quiet…”

“You’ll just have to keep me quiet, babe”, Holtzmann gave back at once, earning another coy smile from Erin – before she placed one hand against the smaller woman’s chest and pushed her backwards, until her butt hit the edge of the kitchen table.

“You might want something to hold on to”, Erin told her, giving her just a second to grip said table – before she slid her hand into Holtzmann’s pants again, kissing her deeply as she found just that one spot where she knew touching had the biggest effect on the engineer, the muffled mixture of gasp and moan Holtzmann let out in response making her smirk against the smaller woman’s mouth.

She knew they didn’t have long before Abby and Patty might get suspicious, no matter how good the movie was; and so, Erin made sure to move hard and fast, until she felt Holtzmann shudder at her touch, her mouth muffing the groan the blonde let out as she came, the way her body twitched against the physicist’s making her feel quite aroused, as well.

“Vixen”, Holtzmann mumbled after Erin had pulled back from the kiss, her voice hoarse with lust; Erin just smiled, then winked at her – before she brought up her hand and slowly licked her fingers, Holtzmann looking as if she wanted to faint at the sight.

“Don’t forget the drinks”, Erin told her, holding back a giggle when Holtzmann let out what only could be described as a growl in response; she winked at her, then turned and walked back to the couch with a deliberate sway of her hips, not hearing anymore how Holtzmann mumbled “Oh, Gilbert, it is _on_ ” under her breath as she watched her go.


	32. Forget Me Not

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Based on this tumblr prompt: Holtz getting temporary memory loss and Erin taking care of her even though Holtz doesn't remember her  
> This got way longer than I thought it would be, ahem.

Erin never had considered herself an impulsive person, always having listened more to her brain than her gut, but as they all stood in the hospital room, she asked herself if it wouldn’t have been smarter to listen to her instincts just this once – instincts which had told her that this bust was a terrible idea, and which she had ignored with ease.

Now she regretted this as she stood there and looked at her girlfriend – her banged up and bruised girlfriend, who looked back at the Ghostbusters confused and a bit lost, having no idea who any of them were.

The doctor had warned them that this might happen, before Holtzmann had woken up from her unconsciousness; Erin had hoped that it wouldn’t though, that perhaps, the hit she had taken to her head when the ghost had thrown her against the wall hadn’t done that kind of damage, and she’d felt her heart break when Holtzmann finally had opened her eyes and had looked at them with no recognition at all.

“So we’re friends”, the blonde was clarifying, “and we all work together, too? Busting ghosts?”

“Yes, and we’re dating”, Erin told her, somewhat blunt, but the doctor had said that certain phrases and pictures might help Holtzmann with regaining her memory, and Erin still remembered well how her heart had skipped a beat when the engineer had said these exact words to her mentor; Holtzmann gave her a look, then smirked, and it looked so much like her pre-injury flirty one that Erin’s heart broke all over again.

“Okay, wow”, Holtzmann stated, giving her quite the unabashed once-over which made her blush and making it clear that forgetting the last few years of her life had had no impact on her attitude, “happy to see I have good taste.”

“We live together, too”, Erin let her know once she had managed to get her facial colour back under control, “I’ll take you home once the doctor says you can be released, perhaps this will help trigger something…”

She gave her best to not let her fears and worries about this being permanent show; Abby picked up on it though, and touched her shoulder reassuringly… and the fact that Holtzmann, who pre-accident had been acutely attuned to her moods and emotions, didn’t notice, told her more about the engineer’s state than anything else could have.

“I’m sure it’s gonna be okay”, Patty was saying, and Erin wasn’t sure if she tried to comfort Holtzmann or her, “your crazy brain will bounce back to full function soon, you just wait.”

Forcing herself to nod, Erin smiled at the blonde; and after a moment, Holtzmann smiled back at her, and the physicist found herself wondering if the blonde would fall in love with her all over again or if her memories would just come back, not allowing the thought that perhaps, neither would happen, to the surface of her mind.

* * *

 

“So this is it”, Erin said a few days later as she stepped into the apartment, Holtzmann right behind her, glancing around; so far, Erin had held up quite bravely against the complete lack of memory Holtzmann had of her, even though it was quite hard to not kiss and touch her in a way a girlfriend would, the physicist telling herself that she had to keep her hands and lips to herself, until Holtzmann either regained her memory or had gotten to know her enough again to fall in love with her once more.

Not once, she had allowed herself to ponder what she would do if this amnesiac version of Holtzmann wouldn’t regain her memories and would have no interest in her again that way, but she knew that these thoughts would force their way to the front of her mind soon, with Holtzmann out of the hospital and the biggest concerns for her health and any lasting damage – apart from the memory loss – gone.

She had spent the days in the hospital with the engineer, and had talked about every little detail she could remember, no matter how insignificant, always thinking of what the doctor had said about possibly triggering memories; so far though, it didn’t seem as if anything had had any effect, Holtzmann still as unaware who Abby, Patty and she were as she had been the day she had opened her eyes in the hospital.

“I guess I can tell which half of the room is mine”, Holtzmann commented as Erin led her to the living room, and it indeed was easy to tell – Erin’s side was perfectly tidied up, everything in its place, nothing lying around out of order, while the engineer’s was the exact opposite, bits and pieces of her works in progress everywhere, mixed with mismatched socks and t-shirts and pants and a bunch of hair care products (Erin had been surprised to learn how much care Holtzmann actually took of her hair when they had gotten together, and the amount of product she had brought when they had moved in together had astounded her).

“It took me a while to get used to that when we moved in together, you know”, Erin said, guiding her to the couch – the doctor had told them that she could go home, but had to take it easy for a few more days, so Erin was determined to keep her on the couch as much as possible, “because I’m quite neat and tidy, and you’re… not. Even though you kept reassuring me that there is a method to your madness.”

“Ah I bet there is”, Holtzmann nodded solemnly, eyes wandering over the chaos, “I just can’t seem to remember it right now…”

Erin hid the twinge of pain at this words behind a smile and a nod; then, she told the engineer to get comfortable while she’d get them something to drink, Holtzmann obediently sitting down as the physicist made her way to the kitchen, trying to ignore how awkward it made her feel to be here in their home with a girlfriend who didn’t remember her or their relationship, unable to keep herself from wondering how much longer the two of them would have to deal with this situation, knowing that this couldn’t be easy for Holtzmann, either.

* * *

 

The breakdown Erin had been dreading for the past few days came that night, when she laid on the couch alone – because it would have been strange, she had reasoned at bedtime, to force Holtzmann into the double bed with her – and had time to think; for the first time since Holtzmann had lost her memories, Erin allowed herself to think about the very real possibilities that her memories wouldn’t come back, and that the engineer might not fall for her again (already before the amnesia, she had thought how incredibly lucky she’d been that someone like Holtzmann would fall for someone like her, and how likely was it for lightning to strike the same spot twice?), and she had no idea how she’d handle it, should that happen.

As these thoughts circled endlessly through her mind, as she thought of the life Holtzmann and she had been starting to build together – they’d just moved in together a few months ago, for God’s sake – the tears came, and Erin buried her face in the pillow to muffle her sobs, not wanting to disturb the engineer’s sleep.

“Erin?” Holtzmann’s voice reached her through her sobbing, a hesitant, but tender touch on her shoulder following moments later, “hey, don’t… don’t cry, I know this has to be hard for you but…”

“I’m sorry”, Erin mumbled, turning her head so she could look at the engineer, her heart cramping up again when her eyes met the concerned gaze of Holtzmann – here she was, making Holtzmann worry about her, when the engineer just was getting to know her again the past few days, having no memory at all of her and the others, which certainly was disconcerting, and yet Holtzmann was awkwardly trying to comfort her now, instead of the other way round.

“Don’t be”, Holtzmann told her, now rubbing her back, apparently a bit more daring about comforting her, “I mean, I… I’ve seen the photos, in the bedroom? We look happy, don’t we, and here I am, having no idea of any of this, I can’t imagine how hard it must be for you.”

“I guess it’s not easy for you, either”, Erin mumbled, earning a brief shrug from the blonde; she wiped at her eyes, then sat up, embarrassed by her outburst, suddenly finding it hard to look at Holtzmann, her gaze focusing on the blanket covering her up to her waist instead.

“We were happy”, she added after a moment, staring at her hands as she nervously rubbed her fingers together, a habit she’d developed during her teenage years and hadn’t managed to drop since then, a small laugh coming from her as she thought back, “once I got over my bi-panic. After we kissed for the first time, I burst into tears, and you had to comfort me and tell me it’s okay about a hundred times. You then proceeded to bring me a muffin in the next day into which you’d stuck a tiny bi-pride-flag which you’d made yourself, so you told me to take it out of the muffin quickly or it might make it radioactive.”

“Yeah, that does sound like me”, Holtzmann replied with a small laugh, making Erin smile weakly as well; then, the engineer cleared her throat, suddenly appearing awkward, a familiar stilted tone in her voice when she went on. “You know I… I don’t have to stay here with you if it hurts too much, I’m sure I can find somewhere else to crash. Abby or Patty will be just as willing to take me in, no?”

“I guess”, Erin replied, the thought of not having Holtzmann here with her at all hurting even more than having a Holtzmann who didn’t remember their love staying with her, “but… Holtz, I’m not sure I want you to go. I… God, this might be so manipulative to say, but I love you, and I want you around even if you can’t remember me…”

“That’s not manipulative at all”, Holtzmann reassured her, making her smile weakly again, “and if you want me to stay here, I’ll stay. I just don’t want to make this harder for you than it has to be, I mean, that has to be so awful so…”

Erin just shook her head and, somewhat daring, grasped Holtzmann’s hand; and almost immediately, like before the injury, the engineer’s fingers curled around hers just the way they always had, gentle despite the callouses she had developed during years of working with her tools and machinery.

She gave the blonde another tentative smile, and Holtzmann smiled back at once; and even though Erin still felt depressed about what had happened, having the engineer smile at her like that made it better, and she once more told herself that certainly, everything would be fine again soon.

* * *

 

For the next two weeks, there were only miniscule changes about Holtzmann’s state; she had flashes of memories, every now and then, random images and soundbites, but nothing substantial, and nothing which told of the love she’d felt for Erin, prompting her to get frustrated at her own mind every now and then – if she was so smart, as people kept reassuring her, certainly her brain should have figured out how to unlock the memories the blow to her head had taken away by now.

Erin kept telling her that she shouldn’t pressure herself about this, that doing so wouldn’t help; she could see the dark circles beneath Erin’s eyes though, and took note of the sadness in her gaze whenever she thought no one was looking, and even though she knew that what had happened wasn’t her fault, Holtzmann felt bad about it.

And so, she tried to trigger memories, any way she could think of; she let the others tell her anecdotes, she read the book Abby and Erin had written together, and she looked at all the photos she could find.

Nothing seemed to work though, no matter what she tried; soon, Holtzmann found herself getting frustrated, upset by this black hole in her memories and by the fact that, with the failure to remember, she made Erin sadder and sadder every day, even though she knew that this wasn’t her fault.

Erin did try to keep a brave face around them, and to not let it show that, with every day which passed, she felt more and more certain that this was a permanent thing, that Holtzmann wouldn’t regain her memories; and even though the engineer sometimes touched her hand when they spoke, and smiled at her, it never was the loving touch and that certain smiles she only ever had given her before the amnesia, and she slowly began to fear that Holtzmann wouldn’t fall in love with her again.

_It’s not her fault,_ she kept telling herself over and over, knowing this to be true, even though it made her heart ache, _you can’t expect her to fall for you again, you’re not entitled to this, if it happens, or if her memories come back, it’ll all be well and good, but if not, you’ll just have to deal with it._

She told herself that she would be able to do this, that she had spent the better part of her life without a partner by her side, so certainly, she could get used to it again; she also knew though that Holtzmann had been the first one who had shown her love and desire to this extent, and whom she loved and desired back with the same intensity, and when she laid awake at night, alone with her thoughts in the dark, she knew that it wouldn’t be easy, perhaps even impossible, to deal with not having this in her life anymore.

Most of her nights were largely sleepless, thanks to her mind never stopping to dwell on how her life might be if Holtzmann would neither remember, nor fall for her again; she usually only got a few hours of sleep before the alarm would ring again, and felt as if she hadn’t slept at all when the beeping tore her out of her uneasy slumber.

It was the same this morning, Erin groaning to herself as the alarm clock she had put on the table next to the couch started beeping; she rolled over and pushed the button which ended the beeping, then forced herself to sit up, rubbing her eyes tiredly, feeling a bit better though when the smell of coffee reached her nostrils, showing her that Holtzmann was already up and about and had gotten the coffee machine started.

Erin took a moment to stretch and make her spine pop audibly – sleeping on that couch was really doing a number on her back, but it just wouldn’t feel right to share the bed with Holtzmann as long as the engineer didn’t remember about them – before she got up at last and made her way to the kitchen; there, Holtzmann was leaning comfortably against the counter next to the coffee machine, cups, milk and sugar already prepared, glancing over at her when she entered.

“Good morning, Erin”, she said, smiling, and something about her smile was different; before Erin’s still half-asleep mind could register this fully though, and question it, the engineer went on, raising an eyebrow as her smile widened. “Come here often?”

Erin froze, and stared, her heart skipping a beat, then hammering in her chest so fast and hard that it hurt.

“Oh my God”, she brought out in a thin, breathless voice, just when Holtzmann was starting to get worried and questioning if doing this had perhaps been a bad idea after all, “you… you remember?”

“All of it”, Holtzmann hurried to reassure her, moving to where Erin was standing and putting both arms around her, “apparently, my memories decided they were on vacation long enough while I’d been asleep and came back overnight. I’m sorry this took so long.”

In response, Erin just stared at her for another moment – before she threw both arms around her and practically yanked her closer, kissing her with such intensity that it made her toes curl.

“I’m so happy you remember”, the physicist whispered to her after the kiss, suddenly feeling close to tears, the urge to cry only increasing when Holtzmann’s arms tightened around her, “I don’t know what I would have done if you’d never remembered, I don’t think I could have taken it…”

“No need to worry about that anymore now”, Holtzmann reassured her, rubbing her back soothingly, “it’s all back where it belongs, neatly slotted. Well, as neatly slotted as it can be in the chaos that is my mind.”

“I love your chaotic mind”, Erin told her with a small giggle, now feeling giddy, “I love you.”

“Love you too, babe”, Holtzmann gave back, saying words Erin halfway had expected to never hear again; she giggled again, then pulled her closer for another kiss, all the worries and fears of the past weeks melting away when their lips met, her joy to have Holtzmann back easily overpowering everything else.


	33. All I Need

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Based on this tumblr prompt: Erin obviously had the most traumatic experience with bullying but she also never talks about what extent with anyone, so maybe as a prompt Erin bumps into the worst of her childhood bullies who says something douchey to her ("Guess you weren't crazy after all huh Ghost Girl??"), Erin has a panic attack, and Holtz finds her!

“Holtzmann, no”, Erin said with a strict look, pen pausing on her notepad, “I am not getting you a triple espresso with triple chocolate syrup shots and two of caramel. You’ll die.”

“No I won’t”, Holtzmann replied at once, “I’ve had that kind of drink before. Ask Abby!”

“She has”, Abby confirmed, “but please stay firm, Erin, and don’t get it for her. She was bouncing around the lab for days.”

“Traitor”, the engineer gasped, clutching at her chest dramatically; Erin laughed and shook her head, then gave her girlfriend a pointed look, making her sigh and throw her hands up in defeat.

“Fiiiine”, she conceded, “just a regular caramel macchiato then. But write down that I ordered this under protest!”

“Will do”, Erin replied with a small laugh, the sound being enough to make Holtzmann smile again as well; she finished writing down the coffee orders of her friends and teammates, then headed out after a short, but tender kiss goodbye from the engineer, grabbing her bag on the way, smiling to herself as she stepped out into the crisp autumn air.

It had been a few weeks since they had saved New York, and since she’d gathered every single ounce of courage she’d been able to find and had kissed Holtzmann – quite out of the blue, she had to admit to herself as she thought about it, practically having interrupted the engineer’s excited explanation of yet another invention with her kiss – and she felt as happy and content as she hadn’t in a long time; she had a government-funded job she loved with her best friends, and a girlfriend who was so caring and supportive and tender that she sometimes felt overwhelmed and on the verge of happy tears.

“Erin?” a voice tore her out of her thoughts, so unexpected that it made her flinch; she registered the voice as vaguely familiar, and turned to look at who had spoken, just when the man continued. “Erin Gilbert, I’ll be damned. What a coincidence to run into you here!”

He smiled, and that smile made her feel as if suddenly, there wasn’t enough air in her lungs, her heart skipping a beat before it started to race in her chest so fast that it hurt.

That smile had haunted her in her youth, every day she’d gone to school, all day; he had been one of the ringleaders of her countless bullies, the one who had started it most of the time, his cruel laughter still echoing through her nightmares to this day.

“Remember me?” he asked, his smile widening, he was apparently completely unaware that Erin was close to a panic attack at the mere sound of his voice and that goddamn smile, “James Albright, we went to High School together.”

Her throat felt tight and constricted, so she just could give a brief nod; he noticed nothing of her discomfort though, only kept smiling _that smile_ at her, and then, as if to make it even worse, he laughed, and reached out to clap her on the back, as if she was one of his football buddies.

“I saw you on the news”, he told her, apparently still not realizing what his presence was doing to her, “guess you weren’t crazy after all, huh, Ghost Girl?” And here it was again, that horrible nickname, the name they had shouted at her while they had tormented her, the name she thought she’d finally come to terms with, but now, it only made her heart race even faster.

He laughed again, unperturbed by her continued lack of response; and then, as if he hadn’t just pushed her unbearably close to the edge of a panic attack, he wished her a nice day and wandered off, clearly not caring that she hadn’t said a word to him during that one-sided conversation.

Now, as he walked away – _just like in school,_ her mind supplied somewhat treacherously, _when he was done with you he’d walk away just like that, with that same swagger, oh God_ – all Erin could do was stand there, struggling to get air into her lungs, her sight blurring as tears filled her eyes.

_No. Keep it together. You will not break down here on this sidewalk._

“Hey Erin!” She heard Holtzmann as if the engineer was speaking to her through a wall of cotton, strangely muffled and distant; belatedly, she wondered why she would hear the engineer, she wasn’t at the firehouse after all, but on the sidewalk, and Holtzmann hadn’t gone with her to get the coffee, so perhaps, she thought to herself, she was losing her mind now, and was hallucinating the voice of the woman she loved so much…

“Erin, apple of my eye”, Holtzmann said as she approached; when Abby had realized that she hadn’t given her reward card for that particular coffeehouse chain to Erin, she had sent the engineer after her (“Don’t pretend you don’t want to go with her and hold hands”), and at first, Holtzmann had been glad that she had spotted Erin immediately upon stepping out of the firehouse, just a short distance down the sidewalk, but now, as she took a closer look and saw how oddly stiff the physicist was standing there, she realized that perhaps, there was a very unpleasant reason for Erin not making it far from HQ.

_Oh God, I hope she didn’t get possessed or something._ The thought flashed through Holtzmann’s mind just as she caught up to the redhead; a closer look made it quite clear that Erin wasn’t possessed, but that what was happening to her was just as bad.

Erin was breathing in that rapid, flat way Holtzmann had come to associate with her anxiety peaking, and tears were shining in her eyes; she wasn’t even sure if the physicist had heard her, staring straight ahead, her whole body trembling.

“Erin”, Holtzmann tried to gain her attention once more, stopping right in front of her, trying to catch her gaze, “Erin? Hey, sweetheart, look at me.”

She didn’t bother to ask what was wrong or what had happened, knowing Erin was in no state to answer her right now – she hadn’t witnessed this happening to the redhead often, but she had seen it, and she hoped that she knew how to handle it by now, keeping her hands to herself as she reminded herself that touching Erin in this state might only make it worse, and that doing so was only okay after Erin had touched her first.

Erin’s gaze met hers at last, and from how the physicist’s breath hitched, Holtzmann could tell at once that she was struggling to keep herself from bursting into tears; all she wanted was to hug her, but knew that could backfire horribly, and fought the urge down – until Erin took a stumbling step closer to her, and reached out for her with a trembling hand.

Immediately, Holtzmann closed the rest of the small distance between them, and wrapped her up in a hug, briefly disconcerted when Erin whispered “You’re real”, but before she could question that, the physicist had buried her face in her shoulder, and started to cry after all, with sobs so harsh that the engineer was quite sure they had to hurt.

“I’ve got you, babe, I’ve got you”, Holtzmann hurriedly reassured her, her mind racing as she tried to figure out what could have happened to cause such a drastic reaction – Erin had been perfectly happy when she’d left, after all, and here was now, sobbing into her shoulder and trembling all over.

“I’ve got you”, she said again, not sure what else she could say to make this better, rubbing Erin’s back soothingly; to her relief, she apparently was saying and doing the right things though, as Erin’s sobbing slowly subsided and the shaking stopped, Holtzmann keeping her wrapped up in a tight embrace though, the way the physicist clung to her making her heart ache.

“I’m sorry”, Erin finally found herself able to talk again, voice still trembling, but under enough control so Holtzmann could understand her, “God, what a freakout…”

“What happened?” Holtzmann dared to ask, still rubbing her back, hurriedly speaking on when Erin looked at her and looked pained all over again, “you don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to, that’s okay, too.”

“I ran into… this guy”, Erin mumbled in response after taking in a few deep breaths to keep her calm, “from High School.”

That alone was enough to make Holtzmann wince – Erin hadn’t told her much about her High School experience, but what she had said had been more than enough to tell the engineer that it had been a very unpleasant, downright traumatizing time for the physicist.

“He acted as if he didn’t bully me every day back then”, Erin continued, her gaze dropping and focusing on the sidewalk, “and then he… he called me Ghost Girl, and I know it’s stupid to freak out like this because of a stupid nickname they gave me decades ago, I should be over this but…”

“Sweetheart, no”, Holtzmann shook her head at once, “you have nothing to be sorry for, and it’s not stupid. After all that happened to you during that time, nobody can expect you to just get over it, especially if you run into one of the worst of them.”

In response, Erin embraced her tighter again, oddly grateful for this reassurance; Holtzmann began rubbing her back again in soothing circles, doing so until Erin had relaxed enough to let go of her, sounding almost shy when she asked her if she’d go get the coffee with her.

“Of course”, Holtzmann reassured her at once, “in fact, that is why Abby sent me to run after you. Oh, that, and so you can use her reward card and collect dots or something for her.”

“Stars”, Erin corrected, smiling again now though; Holtzmann smiled back at her, then took her hand and asked if she still felt like getting coffee or if they should head back, Erin telling her that it was okay if she’d come with her, enjoying the feeling of Holtzmann’s hand holding on to hers as they started to walk side by side, feeling better with every step she took.

 

_All my agony fades away_   
_When you hold me in your embrace_

Within Temptation - All I Need


	34. Flirty in Flannel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Based on this tumblr prompt: Erin wants to let Holtz know she's bi but doesn't know how so Abby buys her, her first flannel shirt and Erin struts around Holtz like peacocks do showing it off, like "hey holtz, holtz, no suits" 
> 
> I had fun with this. XD

“Abby?” Abby had heard that tone of voice before, usually before Erin told her something or asked about something which made her feel insecure and / or uncomfortable; immediately, she put down her book and looked up at the slowly approaching physicist, at once noticing that Erin was doing that thing with her fingers again she always did when she was nervous.

“Yes?” she invited Erin to sit next to her on the couch; still looking nervous, Erin took the offered seat, Abby holding back a frown as she noticed her cheeks colouring, wondering what had her best friend so riled up.

“Um”, Erin let out, shifting on the seat nervously, “I, um, I’ve thought about this for a while now and I thought you’re my best friend so I should come to you first so…”

“Erin”, Abby interrupted her gently, now feeling concerned as Erin appeared highly nervous and uncomfortable all at once, “breathe. What is it? You know you can tell me anything.”

Erin shifted around a bit more in response, then cleared her throat, suddenly finding something very interesting on the floor as she blurted out her answer. “ImprettysureImbisexualandIthinkIlikeHoltz.”

Abby blinked.

“Urgh”, Erin let out, and let her face drop into her hands; Abby blinked again, still trying to decipher what Erin had said, then reached out and rubbed her back, giving her best to sound soothing when she spoke up. “Okay, let me see if I got that all – you’re pretty sure you’re bi and you think you like Holtz?”

“Yes”, Erin half said, half whined, raising her head again so she could look at her friend, halfway expecting to see a look of contempt – even though she knew that was ridiculous, Holtzmann was the gayest person any of them had ever met, and never had Abby in any way, shape or form shown any sort of contempt or judgement.

“Okay”, Abby gave back, then smiled, a little snort escaping her, “Erin, honey, you know I love you, so please don’t be offended, I really value it that you came to me first with this but… I know.”

“What”, Erin squeaked, her voice rising about an octave, “what do you mean, you know?!”

“Come on”, Abby replied, shaking her head, “I know you, and I know how you act when you got a crush. And with that I don’t mean whatever it was you did whenever Kevin was around first. I’ve noticed the way you look at her, you know.”

“What I did with Kevin was overcompensate”, Erin mumbled, confirming what Abby already had suspected, “and if you notice, why doesn’t Holtzmann?”

“I know you”, Abby confirmed, “way better than Holtz does. You’ll have to do more than look at her dreamily and stare at her hands whenever she works on something to make her realize her flirting isn’t for nothing.”

“You are aware whom you are talking to, right”, Erin replied dryly, “doing more than that has never been my strong suit.”

“I know”, Abby conceded, before her eyes suddenly lit up, “but! I have an idea! Are you ready to do some shopping?”

* * *

 

Holtzmann had seen Erin in a bunch of different outfits since they had met, from the “respectable Professor” look to “relaxing in a hoodie I borrowed from my colleague” to the Ghostbuster coveralls and casual wear in form of a long-sleeved shirt and jeans; she paid more attention to what Erin was wearing any given day than she probably should, and so, she noticed at once when something new found its way to Erin’s wardrobe.

For some strange reason, Erin apparently had decided to wear a flannel shirt when she had gotten up this morning. And now, she was sort of prancing around in it, as far as Erin Gilbert was capable of prancing.

Not quite sure what to think of this, Holtzmann shot Abby a questioning look, but the researcher apparently didn’t notice; wondering if Erin perhaps was possessed, the engineer paused her work on the new and improved ghost trap as the physicist pranced past her workbench once more, smiling at her oddly as she walked past.

_Maybe she’s possessed,_ Holtzmann thought to herself, trying to keep her focus on her work as Erin walked by _again_ , and she could have sworn there was more of a sway to the redhead’s hips than usual, _and is Abby, too, cause she doesn’t notice? Maybe I should check that containment unit again, I thought it doesn’t leak but—_

“Hey Holtz”, Erin spoke right into her ear, making her flinch and bringing her dangerously close to causing a small to medium poof, “what are you working on?”

“Ghost trap”, Holtzmann brought out, acutely aware of how close Erin was standing to her, just another inch and their bodies would touch, “new and improved. It’s gonna—”

She had been planning to say that it would suck the ghosts in a lot faster, but just then, Erin put one hand on her back and leaned even closer, and Holtzmann nearly choked, even though there was nothing in her mouth she actually could choke on.

And as if that wasn’t enough, Erin now ran her hand up her back, tracing the line of her spine, forcing her to grip the table tightly so she wouldn’t grab the physicist and just kiss her, an urge she had to fight harder and harder each day, and which was growing to overwhelming proportions now.

Noticing her reaction, Erin was delighted by the positive effect her actions had – she’d had to psyche herself up quite a bit to be so daring, even though Abby had reassured her countless times that Holtzmann was crushing on her and that she had nothing to worry about while they’d been out shopping for the flannel shirt – and decided to take it one step further, running her hand up Holtzmann’s back again, to the back of her neck, playing with the fine hair there, immediately noting how the engineer’s breath hitched.

“Erin”, the blonde then brought out, turning her head so she could look at her, “what are you doing?! You’re not possessed, are you?”

“No”, Erin replied, a bit miffed that the blonde would think that, but shrugging that off quickly, telling herself that she had to seem a bit odd, smiling again as she went on, “I’m all me. All Erin. With an E, for _everything you want._ ”

Clearly, Holtzmann remembered the first time she had heard Erin say those words, and the smile which followed them; her breath hitched, and her eyes went wide – and she threw caution to the wind, giving in to the overwhelming urge now, moving in and pressing her lips to Erin’s before she could reconsider.

As Erin kissed her back at once, she allowed herself one moment to think _Thanks, Abby_ – before she fully focused on Holtzmann and on kissing her, melting into the blonde’s embrace, suddenly quite sure that she wouldn’t be wearing this certain flannel shirt for much longer.


	35. The Secret Between Us

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Based on this tumblr prompt: Erin and Holtz get together. Erin doesn't know Holtz is a virgin and Holtz hasn't told her and Erin is Typical Anxious Erin because Holtz is taking it so slow and she's worried it's because Holtz isn't as into her as she thought.

If anyone had asked Erin Gilbert to describe how she felt on this certain morning, a month after they had saved New York, she only would have needed one word to answer – happy.

She was working with her closest friends, she was officially dating Holtzmann – and if that wasn’t amazing all by itself, this amazing, brilliant engineer wanting to be with her – and their work was funded by the government; said government didn’t support them officially, still trying to keep a cat which by now had run far, far away from the bag in the said bag, but people knew what they had done, and respected and supported them, a lot of their work coming from citizens who called for their help.

Abby and she had rebuilt their friendship completely, now working on a revised edition of their book; and when Erin wasn’t doing that, she often worked with Holtzmann in the engineer’s lab, always happy to spend time with her girlfriend.

A few weeks into the relationship though, Erin started to wonder if Holtzmann was as happy with her as she had initially thought, her insecurities and anxiety rearing their ugly head again when she realized that so far, Holtzmann hadn’t made a move to sleep with her.

She pondered this as she sat in front of her laptop, staring at the screen without truly seeing what it was showing; the most they had done so far was cuddling and kissing on the couch, that with quite the passion, she had to admit to herself, but so far, this was all they had done, even though Erin had more or less been waiting for Holtzmann to make a move sometime soon during the past few times they’d had one of their make-out sessions on said couch.

Her gaze moved from the screen to where Holtzmann was sitting at her workbench, fixing some damage which had been done to Patty’s Ghost Chipper during their last bust; as so often, she was completely lost in her work, unaware of Erin watching her, not noticing how the redhead’s gaze focused on her hands, following every move of her nimble fingers.

She thought back to how Holtzmann had flirted with her from practically the first second on, the very first thing she had said to her had been a pick-up line after all; and after how Holtzmann had kept the flirting up after that, still did it, in fact, even now that they were together, Erin somehow had expected her to practically jump her the moment they’d be alone.

_Maybe she’s not as into you as you thought she is._

Erin knew that vicious little voice well, the voice of her insecurities and anxieties; she had gotten better about not listening to it, but this time, she failed, forced to swallow heavily as she couldn’t stop that train of thought from continuing down that rather painful track.

_Maybe you’re just some sort of fill-in until something better comes along,_ that vicious voice whispered to her, _some girl more exciting, less uptight, with less issues than you have. Ever thought of that?_

_She wouldn’t do that to me,_ Erin tried to drown out that nasty voice with better thoughts, _I mean something to her, she told me, it’s too early to say I love you but I think she does, and I know I love her, and she wouldn’t do this to me._

“Erin, apple of my eye”, Holtzmann’s voice interrupted her thoughts, making her look up from the computer screen, and she hoped that none of her thoughts showed through her expression, “I’m getting a coke, you want something, too?”

_I want you to tell me that you desire me, want me, want to make love to me. I_ need _you to tell me._

“Just water, please”, Erin said instead of voicing these doubts; Holtzmann nodded, and smiled, but gave her a look which held just enough concern to let Erin see it, and she wondered if she hadn’t hidden what was going through her mind as well as she had thought.

The engineer said nothing though, but simply bent down for a brief kiss, then got moving, sliding down the pole to the first floor; and while Erin waited for her to come back with the drinks, the small, but vicious voice kept telling her that she better get used to the thought of soon being alone again, that soon, Holtzmann would find someone better and wouldn’t need her around anymore, her mood plummeting further and further as she found herself unable to stop these thoughts from emerging.

* * *

 

Erin managed to hold it together for another two weeks, weeks during which Holtzmann never made a move to do more than kissing and cuddling – and weeks during which her insecurities about this relationship only grew, fuelled by the nasty voice of her anxiety, until she finally couldn’t take it anymore, stopping Holtzmann from yet another make-out session on the couch after a long day at the firehouse, and blurting out the words before she could stop herself.

“Why do we never do more than this?” she blurted, not all too subtle, but pushed past the point of caring by her anxieties, Holtzmann looking taken aback, but not getting the chance to say anything as Erin went on immediately, “if you don’t want to sleep with me, or aren’t that into me, tell me now, before I fall even harder for you and it’ll be too painful once you find someone better, alright? Not that it wouldn’t be painful now, but it’d be even worse if I—”

“Erin”, Holtzmann finally got a word in, now looking back shocked and worried, “Erin, my love, no. What are you talking about? Find someone better?”

“You’ve never tried to… sleep with me”, Erin mumbled in response, suddenly finding it hard to look at the engineer, opting to focus on her feet instead; for a few moments, there was silence, then Holtzmann’s hand came into view as she reached out to grasp Erin’s, the physicist looking up at her again at the tender touch.

“Sweetheart”, the engineer said, and Erin was amazed to see that she was blushing, she never would have thought anything on this planet could make Holtzmann blush, “this has nothing to do with you. I swear.”

_Oh great, here comes the It’s not you, it’s me speech,_ the vicious little voice whispered, _she’ll break up with you now, you know she will. But hey, maybe you can stay friends!_

“I, um”, Holtzmann went on, fidgeting nervously now, her free hand coming up to briefly touch her pendant, a clear sign that she was uncomfortable, “I… I wouldn’t know how to... start…? I mean I’ve never…”

Now, it was Erin’s turn to look taken aback, and she could barely believe her ears – Holtzmann, who appeared so confident, so sure about herself, who flirted with such ease, had never…

“No one knows this”, Holtzmann continued, voice low and stilted now, “not even Abby, she thinks I’m some sort of womanizer I think cause when we got together she warned me she’d punch me if I’d break your heart but I don’t want to break your heart, I’m… you mean a lot to me and I didn’t want to make you feel like this I’m sorry.”

“Um”, Erin found herself at a loss for words, her mind racing as she tried to figure out how to handle this bombshell, “no, it’s okay, I… I should be sorry, for just assuming… Oh God, I’m such a fool.”

She wasn’t sure if she should laugh or cry, and Holtzmann seemed to be equally torn; the engineer managed a smile though after a few moments, and scooted closer to put one arm around the redhead’s shoulders, relieved when Erin immediately snuggled up to her.

“You know”, Erin mumbled after they just had sat like this in silence for a comfortable minute, “I’ve never… with a woman, either. So… we can figure this out together?”

“I really want to”, Holtzmann let her know, making her smile at once, her cheeks heating up, “but I’m also kinda… nervous? And I don’t want to mess it up and make it bad for you, I want you to feel amazing, I want to… I want you.”

Hearing it put so bluntly made Erin’s heart soar, all her worries about the relationship and Holtzmann only using her as distraction until someone better came along forgotten from one moment to the next; she reassured the blonde that she wanted her, too, then kissed her, hesitatingly at first, but quickly deepening the kiss… and when she felt Holtzmann’s hand slide beneath her shirt to caress her back skin to skin, she shuddered, and all at once simply knew that everything would work out just fine.

And when Holtzmann pulled her closer, until she practically was straddling her, the vicious voice in her mind fell silent.


	36. This is Halloween

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Based on this tumblr prompt: could you do a chapter w halloween and couples costumes & fall things & kids dressed up as lil ghostbusters

Already the week before Halloween, Holtzmann was excited and even more energetic than usual; she would have lived off candy corn and chocolate already if Erin had let her, Abby reassuring her best friend that this was nothing to worry about, that Holtzmann got like this every Halloween.

Erin found her enthusiasm for this certain day quite endearing, but, never having been much a fan of Halloween herself, couldn’t quite get into the spirit; Holtzmann didn’t let this stop her though, her enthusiasm knowing no bounds as she, seemingly out of nowhere, cried out “Couple costume!” one fine morning, a few days before Halloween, and nearly caused Erin to choke on her coffee.

“What?” Erin finally brought out, once she could be sure she wouldn’t drown herself in coffee, still coughing; Holtzmann, ever helpful, patted her back, then sat down next to her and beamed brightly at her.

“Couple costume”, she then repeated, as if simply saying it again would make it all clear to the physicist, only to elaborate at Erin’s confused look, “you and me. For Halloween.”

If anyone else had suggested this, Erin would have said no at once, never having been a big fan of costumes; it was Holtzmann though, whom she loved so much, and so, she didn’t decline at once, but asked what the engineer had in mind instead.

“Something cool”, Holtzmann replied, not so helpful, “but you’re generally in? You’d do a couple costume with me?”

“Sure”, Erin replied, even though part of her feared Holtzmann might come up with something outrageous, “just don’t make it anything too… wild?”

“Excellent”, Holtzmann beamed, leaning over to give the physicist a rather enthusiastic and somewhat wet smooch on the cheek, “thanks, babe, that made my day!”

She got up from her seat and bounded away, Erin looking after her affectionately – until Abby dropped down into the seat Holtzmann had been occupying before, smiling at the redhead, and looking at her in a way which prompted her to say “what?” after a few seconds had ticked by.

“I don’t think you realize how happy exactly you just made your girl”, Abby told her, her smile widening, “you probably noticed how much she’s into Halloween by now, but this is the first time she actually has someone to do a couple costume with.”

“Aw”, Erin let out, touched; Abby smiled at her, then changed the topic by asking how her work was going, Erin soon forgetting her concerns about the couple costume as she talked about her equations and calculations, only remembering when Holtzmann brought it up again hours later and telling her that she’d had the best idea for it.

* * *

 

“Man, I can’t wait to see what Holtzy came up with”, Patty, dressed up in what only could be describing as a frighteningly historically accurate Victorian dress, giving Abby cause to wonder if she’d made this herself or if she had bought it somewhere; the researcher herself hadn’t been all too creative, dressing up as a zombie, complete with rotting skin and fake blood, and neither of them had any idea what couple costume Holtzmann had come up with, the engineer having forbidden them to come upstairs where Erin and she were changing.

“Hopefully nothing which will traumatize Erin”, Abby said with a laugh, and just then, footsteps came from the stairs, making them both look over curiously; Erin was the first to descend, and for a moment, Abby had trouble figuring out who she was supposed to be.

The physicist was dressed in a bright yellow skirt and white blouse, a knitted sweater the same colour as the skirt over her shoulders; part of her hair was pulled back and held in check by a plastic band decorated with yellow flowers, and apparently, Patty figured it out faster, crying out “Aw hell yes!”, prompting Abby to give her a confused look.

Then, Holtzmann came down the stairs, and all at once, it all made sense to Abby, and she burst out laughing, shaking her head to herself at how well this was working.

Holtzmann was wearing black jeans and a white t-shirt, and a black leather jacket over that; her hair was swept back with a massive amount of hair gel, forming a pompadour-like wave, and to make the picture complete, she’d tucked a cigarette behind her ear, smirking as she moved to stand next to Erin.

“Oh my God, you guys”, Abby said between giggles, “this is so precious and cute. I need to take a pic, don’t go anywhere!”

She ran to get her phone while Patty was still laughing, then move to high five Holtzmann; grinning, the engineer slapped her hand, and only made her laugh harder when she said “Summer lovin’, baby”, making Erin giggle, as well.

“She did try to talk me into the more daring outfit from the end of the movie”, the physicist then said, “but I said no to that.”

“I keep telling you, you could have made that work”, Holtzmann told her, “puffy hair and all. But you look super pretty in this version, too, and it means you can be the innocent lovely Sandy I get to corrupt with my Greaser charm.”

“Right”, Erin replied, laughing before she leaned in for a kiss, just as Abby returned with her phone, the researcher quickly taking the chance given for an adorable picture and taking a few, grinning proudly at her screen afterwards.

“So cute”, she then gushed, Erin blushing visibly in response; before she could come up with a response though, knocks came from the firehouse door, and Holtzmann bolted from her side to open, practically bouncing with excitement.

The rest followed her, peering past her at the group of kids calling out “Trick or treat!”; and when Erin realized that three of the girls were dressed up as Ghostbusters, one of them complete with a Holtzmann hairdo and yellow glasses, she nearly choked up, noting that Holtzmann had similar feelings, staring at the kid with the biggest grin on her face.

“I’m you Dr Holtzmann!” the girl proclaimed proudly, nearly making the engineer fall over by following this with her trademark salute, “booyah!”

“Emphasis on the boo”, Holtzmann added, laughing, the girl beaming back at her – before she became shy, scuffing her foot adorably when she asked if they could all take a photo together.

“Certainly”, Erin smiled at her, the accompanying parents giving her grateful smiles as they readied their phones; the four of them posed with the kids for several pictures, then handed candy out to the children, the parents thanking them enthusiastically before she moved on.

“Did you see?” Holtzmann gushed the moment the door had closed again, “one of them was me! Aw so cute!”

“Very cute indeed”, Erin agreed, smiling at her girlfriend’s happiness; Holtzmann beamed back at her, then pulled her in for another kiss, happily bouncing away to get some more chocolate afterwards, the physicist watching her with a happy smile of her own, glad to see her so joyful, looking forward to what the rest of the evening and night would bring. Her Greaser Holtzmann still had to corrupt her, after all.


	37. Silver Stud

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Other people go out for Halloween, I opt to stay in and write smut, hahaha. maschinenmensch, this one's for you ;)   
> Brief summary: Tongue piercing. That is all.

The first time Erin notices the glint in Holtzmann’s mouth is during a bust, when the blonde yells “Woohoo!” after successfully blasting a ghost into pieces and globs of slime, and even though she knows she pays way too much attention on every little detail about the blonde, she can’t help but wonder what that is.

Now that she knows what to look for, she notices it more and more often, when Holtzmann is laughing heartily or making weird noises which allow Erin to get a peek at her tongue; and she gives her best to make use of these chances, telling herself that she has a theory which needs to be confirmed or proven wrong, and that her interest is purely scientific.

So, she looks, and tries to catch glimpses of that glinting object; and finally, one night, she gets the chance to confirm her hypothesis, when Abby and Patty have left movie night early and she’s alone at the firehouse with Holtzmann.

“Okay”, she thus starts, making Holtzmann look at her somewhat curiously, “this is gonna sound so weird, but I have to ask. Holtz, do you have a tongue piercing?”

“Oh yeah”, Holtzmann replies, off-handed as if it is no big deal, “had it since I was eighteen.”

“Can I see?” Erin asks before she can stop herself, her tongue loosened by the wine she had during the movie; Holtzmann shrugs, then nods and pokes her tongue out, and the physicist finds herself oddly fascinated by the silver stud going through it, right there in the middle.

“The ladies love it”, the engineer tells her, with a seductive wink; Erin can feel herself blush, but the wine has not only loosened her tongue, but has made her more daring, too, and again she speaks before she can try to think too much about it.

“Is that so”, she says, the coy tone of her voice prompting Holtzmann to raise an eyebrow, “I wouldn’t know. I’ve never even kissed someone with a pierced tongue.”

As she speaks, she turns on the couch, and moves closer to Holtzmann, until their legs touch; she can see the engineer swallow heavily, and her voice has a definite husky undertone when she replies. “No? You should. I’ve heard it feels amazing.”

“Have you now”, Erin breathes, almost expecting to see sparks flying between them – there has been some undeniable sexual tension between the engineer and herself, and she knows that, if she doesn’t make a move to stop this now, all this tension will unload and they will end up doing God knows what right on this couch.

She doesn’t make a move to stop this – she does the exact opposite, reaches up to cup Holtzmann’s jaw, and before she knows it, the engineer is kissing her, and she can feel the piercing hit her tongue, and it’s like a small electrical shock running through her system.

Erin moans into Holtzmann’s mouth, and that sound only encourages the blonde; she changes position a bit without breaking the kiss, and slides one hand beneath Erin’s shirt and up her back, the physicist moaning again when she feels Holtzmann unclasp her bra with one swift move.

After that, it doesn’t take long until Erin is naked on the couch, and Holtzmann is on the floor in front of her, on her knees, and she learns first-hand that Holtzmann wasn’t exaggerating when she claimed that the ladies loved her piercing.

She figures though that she would love this no matter if there’s a piercing through the engineer’s tongue or not – because Holtzmann knows what she is doing, and it takes her mere minutes to reduce Erin to helpless gasps and groans as she trembles on the couch, fingers digging into the fabric, head thrown back and her eyes squeezed shut.

She’s been with men who have done this for her before, but none of them has had this level of skill, and it seems that Holtzmann has only been warming up for the past few minutes, increasing intensity of speed, and each time the piercing touches her, Erin lets out a mixture of gasp and whine which only turns Holtzmann on more.

Without fully realizing that she is doing it, Erin moves her hands into Holtzmann’s hair and grabs the blonde locks as she nears her climax with shocking speed; and the moment she does, she _pulls_ , and it makes Holtzmann groan in pleasure and pain, but the pain is forgotten when Erin cries out “Oh God _Holtz_ ” as she falls apart right there in front of her.

Holtzmann knows better than to stop at once, she slows down instead, lets Erin come down slowly; and by the time she finally pulls back, the physicist looks like she is close to passing out, flushed and breathing heavily, and it is the most beautiful thing she has ever seen.

“Wow”, Erin brings out after half a minute of just gasping for air, making a grab for the engineer in an attempt to pull her up onto the couch, suddenly finding it quite unfair that she is naked while Holtzmann only has her shirt hanging open, “okay. Definitely a fan of tongue piercings now.”

Holtzmann chuckles, and Erin smiles, and winks – before she pulls her closer for another heated kiss, eager to reciprocate the affection and the pleasure, hurriedly pulling off Holtzmann’s shirt, the rest of her clothing following suit, both of them realizing that they’ll have a long night ahead of them as Erin kisses and touches, new to this, but eager to learn – and with Holtzmann more than willing to teach her.


	38. Weight on her Shoulders

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another one-shot featuring deaf!Holtz, but this one focuses more on Erin. Angst with a bit of fluff.

Abby knew Erin well enough to be aware of something weighing heavily on the physicist’s slim shoulders from the moment on she came back from the doctor with Holtzmann.

She doubted that anyone else noticed – Patty didn’t know the physicist well enough yet, and while Holtzmann usually was quite attuned to her moods, the fact that she just had learned she’d go deaf all too soon quite understandably kept her from noticing that Erin wasn’t handling this as well as she pretended.

Erin didn’t let any of this show whenever Holtzmann was around, hiding her own feelings so she could help Holtzmann come to terms with what was happening to her; Abby knew her though, and knew the small signs she had to look for, and these hadn’t changed during the time their friendship had been put on hold.

Sometimes, Erin would just sit there, watch Holtzmann work, her fingers fidgeting in that way they always seemed to whenever she was nervous or uncomfortable; and after the day Holtzmann had lost the last bit of her hearing, Erin went to the bathroom way more often than usual, and when she came out back out, her eyes were red and puffy, and Abby knew she hadn’t just cried because of what had happened to Holtzmann, but for some other, equally painful reason.

Abby also knew though that outright asking Erin wouldn’t do any good, and so, she kept her questions and her worries to herself, and only observed, trying to give her best to support Erin any other way she could, hoping Erin knew she could come to her once she was ready, that she’d be ready with a shoulder to cry on and, if necessary, alcohol and ice cream or any other comfort food Erin might want.

She hoped Erin knew, and that she’d come to her or to someone else once the thing burdening her got too much; and so, it would have made her feel at least a bit of relief, had she been aware that Erin did know, but couldn’t find the courage to speak to her best friend, part of her deeply afraid that she’d be told that the things going through her mind constantly ever since Holtzmann had gone deaf were nothing but the truth.

So, she kept her thoughts to herself, and struggled with them alone; and more often than not, she had to get up during the night so she could cry in the darkness of the firehouse’s lobby, painfully aware that Holtzmann wouldn’t hear her – not anymore – but that the shaking of her body when she sobbed might wake the engineer up anyway.

And she wasn’t sure what she was more afraid of – of Holtzmann trying to comfort her, even though the engineer was the one suffering the most from what had happened, or of Holtzmann telling her that she had good reason to cry, that everything she thought about what had happened was true.

When Erin had gone downstairs to cry during previous nights, she always had been alone, the others fast asleep in their rooms; and so, when she found herself unable to sleep and close to tears again that night, she didn’t bother to check if anyone was still awake as she carefully got out of bed, not wanting to wake Holtzmann, bravely biting back her tears until she had made it to the couch and had sunk down onto it.

She buried her face in her hands and sobbed, still trying to be quiet; and thanks to her tries to not make any noise, she heard the approaching footsteps, momentarily panicking when she looked up and saw Abby approach, the concern on her best friend’s face quickly quelling the fear though.

“Hey”, Abby said, moving to sit next to her, and placing one hand on her back, rubbing soothing circles once she could be sure Erin wouldn’t react negatively to the touch, “I didn’t want to push about this, but… Erin, you have to talk to someone. Whatever it is that is bothering you, it’s eating you up. You don’t have to talk to me if you don’t want to, but find someone to speak to, please.”

“It’s my fault”, Erin brought out in reply, voice cracking, “it’s my fault and she should hate me…”

Abby didn’t need to ask her what she was talking about, and her heart broke for her friend as she realized for how long Erin had been carrying this burden alone, never talking to anyone about it.

“It’s not your fault”, she said, even though she knew she wouldn’t be able to take the guilt away so easily, “and Holtz knows that, too.”

“I popped that stupid balloon man and that did the damage”, Erin argued back at once, still crying, “it’s my fault, and she’ll realize this sooner or later, and hate me… and then she’ll leave me…”

“Erin, honey, no”, Abby said with a shake of her head, still rubbing her back soothingly, “you saved our lives when you popped that balloon man, remember? That thing would have suffocated us to death if you hadn’t arrived to destroy it.”

“I should have found another way”, Erin clearly wasn’t willing to forgive herself so quickly, “instead I just acted on impulse, and now Holtz is deaf forever and it’s my fault…”

“It’s not your fault”, Abby told her once more, “and she’ll tell you the same, honey, nobody blames you for this. Please, stop blaming yourself.”

Before Erin could reply, footsteps came up again, and Holtzmann came down the stairs, bleary-eyed, but looking worried as she found them there on the couch; she took a closer look at Erin, and her worry immediately grew when she saw that her girlfriend was crying.

Abby patted the physicist’s back once more, then got up and, with an encouraging look at Holtzmann, left them alone, the engineer moving to sit next to her girlfriend, giving her another concerned look as she signed _What’s wrong?_

Erin wiped at her eyes in response, realizing that she had to come clean now, shrugging as her gaze dropped down onto the floor, the physicist suddenly finding it hard to look at the blonde, even though she knew she had to again sooner or later, if she wanted to know Holtzmann’s response to her answer.

_I feel bad,_ she started, perhaps not quite necessarily, but winning some time, _because what happened to you is my fault and you should hate me._

Holtzmann looked so taken aback by this that, had the situation not been so serious, it would have been comical.

_What,_ she then gave back, and Erin could practically hear her incredulous tone, _no. What are you saying? This is in no way your fault. You saved us._

_In a way which made you lose your hearing,_ Erin argued back, feeling like crying all over again at this unexpected lack of blame, _I’m sorry._

_You have nothing to be sorry for,_ Holtzmann let her know, then moved to embrace her, pulling her close; the hug made her cry all over again after all, and she buried her face in the smaller woman’s shoulder, only crying harder when she felt Holtzmann rub her back reassuringly.

_It’s not your fault,_ Holtzmann reassured her again once Erin had calmed down enough to pull back from the hug, _and I could never hate you. I love you._

_I love you, too,_ Erin signed back, earning a smile from her girlfriend; and even though the guilt wasn’t fully gone yet, and she knew it would take a while until she’d be able to fully accept the reassurances that it hadn’t been her fault, Erin smiled back at her, then snuggled closer to her for another hug, closing her eyes as she felt Holtzmann rub her back, feeling better than she had for weeks.


	39. Itty Bitty Problem

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Based on this tumblr prompt:  
> what if Holt’s made some sort of device that de-aged her and she de-aged to a small child, 4 or 5 and Erin took care of her until they could reverse the effects? Maybe they called Gorin to help with the machine, and Holtz only wanted Erin only felt safe with her. She didn’t remember much only vague wisps of things that why she trusted Erin so much she freaked if they tried to take her away form her. Maybe an implied rough childhood? And when Holt’s came back it made Erin and holtz realize just how much they really cared for one another and maybe leads to the beginning of a relationship?

Six months of working together was a long time to get used to daily small and medium poofs from the upstairs lab, and so, none of the Ghostbusters thought much of it at first when they heard a loud bang from said lab. Only when Holtzmann didn’t call out “All good” as she usually did, Erin started to worry.

She waited another thirty seconds, just so she wouldn’t appear overly concerned – she had worked hard the past few weeks to conceal how big her crush on Holtzmann had gotten, and she wouldn’t risk that now by running up there all worried – then decided to go look when still, no reassurance that everything was good came from the engineer.

“Holtz?” she called out as she climbed the stairs, her worry increasing when no reply came, “Holtzmann? You okay?”

“Holtz?” she tried again when the only answer she got was some machine humming lowly; then, she sat the pile of clothes on the ground, and her heart skipped a beat. _Oh my God._

All thoughts about not appearing too worried were forgotten as Erin ran to the pile, halfway expecting a mess of blood around it, or perhaps, a pile of ash; what she hadn’t expected was the pile of clothing to start moving all at once – and then, a little blonde head popped out, yellow glasses dangling from one ear, and all Erin could do was stare.

It was Holtzmann, sort of, she realized, recognizing the features – a tiny Holtzmann, four years old tops, looking back at her in confusion and with a bit of fright.

“Holtzmann?” Erin said, not quite sure how to handle this – did Holtzmann know who she was, who they all were? Had whatever had happened just shrunk her body or had it affected her mind, as well, and how could that happen anyway, what the Hell had Holtzmann been doing up here that she had ended up like this, “is that… you?”

She took a tentative step closer to the girl, and for a moment, the girl – Holtzmann? – looked frightened, then seemed to relax again, playing nervously with the hem of the now oversized shirt she still was wearing though, Erin giving her best to hide how freaked out she was by this as she lowered herself into a crouch in front of the kid.

“Holtz”, she said yet again, then realized that, if this had affected the engineer’s memories and hadn’t just magically shrunk her, she perhaps wouldn’t react to being addressed this way the same way as she did in her grown-up version, “um… Jillian? Do you know who I am?”

Little Holtzmann shook her head, eying Erin somewhat curiously now; smiling at her, the physicist made sure to hold her gaze and to look as non-threatening as possible when she spoke on, giving her best to sound kind and caring, as well. “I’m Erin, we, uh… work here together. When you were bigger? Aw, this is confusing, isn’t it.”

“I’m Jillian and I’m four”, little Holtzmann mumbled in reply, playing with her shirt again; this was so adorable that Erin nearly melted, and she let out a little “Aww”, only to realize that they weren’t alone in the firehouse when she heard Abby call out from the stairs, the researcher demanding to know if everything was okay.

In response to her voice, little Holtzmann bolted from the clothes which had fallen from her body when she had been de-aged and into Erin’s arms, hiding her face against the surprised redhead’s chest; slowly and carefully, Erin put her arms around the child, just when Abby entered the lab, looking confused at the sight which presented itself to her.

“Yes, before you ask”, Erin told her, peering at her over the mop of blonde curls that was Holtzmann’s hair even in this little version, “that is Holtzmann. Four year old Holtzmann, to be exact, and no, I don’t know how she did that.”

“Holy shit”, Abby replied, then clapped her hand over her mouth while little Holtzmann raised her head to peer at her, Erin nearly laughing at the incredulous look on the small girl’s face, her voice indignant when she piped up. “You said a bad word! You have to put money in the bad word jar.”

“Um, yeah, sure”, Abby gave back, eying the kid, and realizing what Erin had noticed earlier – it definitely was Holtzmann, easy to recognize even in this state, “wow, this is… wow. Do we know what she was working on? We have to fix this, you know.”

“I know”, Erin agreed, “but I have no idea what she was working on when that happened.”

“And she won’t be able to tell us in this state”, Abby sighed, while little Holtzmann kept holding to Erin, relaxing visibly when the physicist rubbed her back, “oh man. Never a dull day with… Gorin!”

“Gorin?” Erin repeated, confused, prompting Abby to nod vigorously, a bright smile on her face now.

“Dr Gorin”, she then clarified, “Holtzmann’s mentor? If anyone can figure this out, she can. I’ll go call her, let’s hope she’ll be able to help.”

“Good idea”, Erin agreed, starting to come to her feet again with the intention to follow Abby downstairs; and immediately, little Holtzmann clung tighter to her again, forcing her to pause in mid-movement, the way the girl’s breath quickened showing that she was no big fan of the idea of Erin getting back up.

“Um, Jillian”, she tried, and gosh did it feel odd to call her that, after they all had referred to her as Holtz or Holtzmann for months, “you want me to pick you up…?”

She received a barely perceptible nod in reply, her heart melting again at how shy little Holtzmann suddenly appeared; giving her another calming smile, Erin picked her up on her arms, her smile widening when immediately, the little girl wrapped both arms around her neck.

“Come on”, she said, bouncing her a bit while Abby looked on, smiling, “let’s go downstairs with Aunt Abby and call someone who can help with this, okay?”

“Aunt Abby?” Abby asked as they walked down the stairs, “you know, if Holtz remembers any of this once she is back to normal, I’ll never hear the end of it.”

“Where’d you find that precious little kid”, Patty piped up from her desk as they reached the bottom of the stairs, only to have her eyes go wide when she got a closer look, “wait… is that Holtzy?!”

“Yes”, Erin confirmed, while little Holtzmann once more mumbled “I’m Jillian and I’m four”, Patty looking as if she wasn’t sure if she should find this adorable or freak out, “we’re not quite sure what happened, but Abby’s gonna call Dr Gorin, if anyone can figure it out, she can.”

“She’s so precious though”, Patty gushed, coming to her feet now and moving closer for a better look, “aw, such a little angel! You want a cookie, little Holtzy?”

“Can I?” little Holtzmann asked, giving Erin a hopeful look; the physicist shrugged, then nodded, only to have the small girl cling to her tighter again when she tried to put her down, quickly resigning herself to this new fate – apparently, for whatever reason, this small version of Holtz was really clingy with her.

Not that she minded much though, she realized as she moved to sit on the couch, little Holtzmann ending up on her lap; Patty went to get her the cookie, and afterwards, Erin watched kid’s shows on TV with her until she had drifted off into a light sleep, still holding on to the physicist though, making her wonder why she was so focused on her, and making a mental note to ask Holtzmann about this as soon as she was back to normal.

* * *

 

Dr Gorin arrived at the firehouse later the same day, and, after appearing quite baffled at tiny Holtzmann, went upstairs to figure out how this had happened; and there she stayed for two days, days during which Holtzmann was around Erin practically all the time, following her around like a little lost puppy and crying the few times the physicist actually tried to leave the firehouse without her.

Crying tiny Holtz was a heart-breaking thing to witness, and Erin felt bad for hours afterwards, telling herself that she could stay in the firehouse as long as this hadn’t been resolved, if only it’d mean that little Holtzmann wouldn’t end up so sad again.

Then, on the morning of the third day, Dr Gorin re-emerged from the lab the first time since she had gone up there, and claimed that she had found the solution; Erin was a bit worried if it really would work, but knew they had no other choice than to trust the engineer’s mentor, and so, she picked little Holtzmann up on her arms and made her way upstairs with her.

“Okay, Jillian”, she said once Gorin had told her where she needed Holtzmann to stand or sit so this would work, “I need you to stand over there for a minute, okay? Can you do that for me?”

Little Holtzmann looked doubtful, but nodded when Erin smiled at her encouragingly; she walked to the spot Erin had pointed out, looked at her fearfully though, the redhead giving her a hopefully calming smile and reassuring her that it’d be alright.

“Step back, please”, Gorin instructed her, little Holtzmann looking panicky again when Erin did so; she remained where she was though, even though she appeared on the verge of tears when Gorin activated one of the many machines in the lab and a deep hum filled the room.

“Close your eyes, child”, the elder woman added, and after an encouraging nod from Erin, Holtzmann did so; Erin closed her eyes too, just to be on the safe side, but even through her eyelids, she picked up the bright flash when Gorin did something, slowly and cautiously opening her eyes again after it had died down, immensely relieved when she found herself faced with an adult Holtzmann standing there in a now fitting again shirt and her boxers, looking around in confusion.

“Holtzmann!” Erin cried happily, rushing to where the blonde was standing and wrapping her up in a hug; the engineer returned the embrace at once, still looking confused though, the same emotion in her voice when she spoke up. “Um, not that I mind hugs from you, hot stuff, but… what exactly happened?”

* * *

 

“Oh wow”, Holtzmann mumbled once Erin had filled her in on everything (and once she had put on some pants), Gorin having gone back downstairs to give them some privacy, “that is a side effect I did not anticipate when I tried to test that machine. Um… thanks for taking care of me, I hope I wasn’t too much of a nuisance…”

“You were quite sweet actually”, Erin reassured her, smiling, “you told everyone that you are Jillian and that you are four. Patty tried to bribe you into letting her carry you around the way you wanted me to, with cookies, but you’d have nothing of it. You don’t remember any of this?”

“Not really, no”, Holtzmann gave back, briefly glancing at her before her gaze focused on the floor between her feet, the two having moved to sit in the couch after Gorin had left, “just… a feeling of safety? I imagine that was when you were around…”

“Aw”, Erin let out, touched, smiling at her as she went on, “you know, you were adorable in your little version, but… I’m really glad you’re back to normal. I missed you. And I kinda realized how important you are to me…”

She trailed off and blushed, not sure how to continue; to her relief though, Holtzmann apparently knew exactly what to do, and took over, leaning in – and kissing her tenderly, just for a few seconds, but long enough so Erin could have pulled back, had this not been what she wanted.

Erin stayed right where she was, and kissed her back, and the way she smiled at her when they pulled apart again made Holtzmann’s heart skip an excited beat.

“Want to go out and have lunch?” the engineer asked, of all things; with a little giggle, Erin smiled and nodded, Holtzmann beaming at her as she grasped her hand, both of them perfectly aware that this was just the beginning of something wonderful.


	40. Discharge

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Based on this tumblr prompt: maybe Erin coming up with a theory of how to like stop the ghosts permanently and then everyone's unsure of what to do cause they don't want it to end but they kind of have to cause it would be right for humanity idk and them just being rlly like scared they're gonna lose this thing they've got going on and like Holtz and Erin r secretly in love and then they're so scared they're gonna lose the chance to like go for it. 
> 
> It took my brain a while to come up with a way to stop ghosts for good which I HOPE is plausible (if not please don't yell at me XD), but now, here we go :D

It was quite strange, Erin thought to herself, how the idea had come to her. She’d been working on something only very vaguely related – the physics of the paranormal were all related a bit, after all – when the thought had flashed through her mind, out of nowhere; she’d recognized the potential brilliance though, and had dropped her work at once to get started on this new idea, eager to see if it could work.

By now, they all knew her well enough to realize that she was working on something big, and left her alone as much as it was reasonably possible; they put food and drinks on her desk, so she wouldn’t starve or dehydrate or both, but left her alone apart from that, even though Holtzmann found herself spending more time with watching Erin than doing work of her own, utterly fascinated by the fierce concentration with which the physicist worked.

She was no stranger to particle physics herself, far from it, and more often than not, knew exactly what Erin was calculating; this time though, she was lost, the speed with which the physicist worked and the complicated high level of the equations leaving her confused and even a bit lost.

And it made her fall in love with Erin’s brilliant mind all over again, a mind she had loved before she even had met the physicist for the first time, and that love had only grown stronger when she had started working with the redhead.

Erin’s frenzied work went on for three days, a time during which she barely slept; finally though, she seemed to have reached some sort of goal or result, since she stopped all at once and sat down on her desk somewhat heavily, almost sitting on the plate with sandwiches Holtzmann had put there for her earlier, a heavy breath coming from her.

“Holtz?” she said after just staring at her equations for a while, prompting the engineer to look up from her work curiously, “can you look at this for a moment?”

Holtzmann wasn’t quite sure she’d be any help, already having realized that whatever Erin had been working on the past few days went way beyond her level; still she nodded, not able to say No to the physicist about anything – Hell, Erin could have asked her to set herself on fire, and her only reaction would have been to go look for lighter fluid – and made her way to the whiteboard, frowning as she looked at the equations.

Then, something in her mind clicked into place, and her eyes went wide as she realized what Erin had achieved.

“Do you think this would work?” the physicist asked, making the engineer look at her, “and that you can build…?”

“Yes”, Holtzmann confirmed at once, “this would work, and I can. Holy crud, Erin, this is amazing. You’re a genius.”

Erin blushed prettily at that, as she always did when Holtzmann complimented her; the engineer beamed brightly at her, then apparently decided that simple verbal congratulations weren’t enough and pulled her into a hug, the physicist giggling as she hugged her back, hoping Holtzmann didn’t notice how her arms around her made her breath hitch.

“This is brilliant, amazing”, Holtzmann gushed, “we have to show the others, I’ll go get them!”

She pulled back from the hug, to Erin’s dismay, and ran to the pole; and while she slid down to the ground floor, Erin looked at her calculations again, realizing fully what she had accomplished and what it would mean if Holtzmann actually could use these calculations and build devices accordingly, sitting down on her desk again as the realization hit her, all at once not sure anymore if she should be thrilled or concerned.

* * *

 

“This is what I spent the past three days doing”, Erin told Abby and Patty a few minutes later, “I had the idea that we can reverse what Rowan tried to do, and Holtzmann already told me she can build the devices we’d need for that. If my calculations are right, and if the devices work – which they will, knowing Holtz – they could… well, discharge the ley lines, for lack of a better word.”

“And that could lead to no more ghosts”, Abby added, sounding awed, “ever. Wow Erin, this is… brilliant.”

“And stupid”, Erin sighed, prompting them all to give her confused looks, their faces causing her to elaborate, “if we do this, and if it works, it could mean no more ghosts, as Abby said. Which would mean no more Ghostbusters.”

“Oh”, Abby let out, her face falling; Holtzmann frowned, too, and Patty looked decidedly worried, as well.

“It would be the right to do though”, the historian was the one to say what they all were thinking, “y’all know that.”

“Yes”, Erin sighed, looking at the whiteboard again, “and we definitely have to test this, if only to confirm or falsify that theory. Holtzmann, do you think you could build a prototype for the device?”

“Yeah, sure”, Holtzmann gave back at once, “I can have it done by the weekend.”

Erin smiled at her in response, but the smile didn’t quite reach her eyes; all at once, she found herself thinking of all the missed chances, of the opportunities she’d had to kiss Holtzmann or make some other sort of move towards her, chances and opportunities she’d let pass by unused, now regretting every single one of them as she realized that all too soon, their little team might disband, and who knew where they might end up then?

She wondered if Holtzmann had similar feelings and regrets, the engineer not looking all too happy either; if she felt the same, she didn’t say anything about it though, but simply went to get to work on the first discharging device, Erin noticing the look Abby was giving her as Holtzmann moved away, but not acknowledging it in any way, focusing on the whiteboard again instead, asking herself where this discovery might take them.

* * *

 

After dinner, which had happened in a somewhat sombre mood due to the possible end of the Ghostbusters, Erin went up to the roof for some peace and quiet, needing some time alone to think; apparently though, she wasn’t the only one who’d had that idea, since she found Holtzmann up there, the engineer standing a few feet from the ledge and looking out at the New York skyline.

“Hey”, Erin said, prompting the blonde to turn and look at her, “seems like I’m not the only one in need of fresh air, huh?”

Holtzmann gave her a somewhat wry smile and nod, then turned back to look at the city; not quite sure if she was welcome, with the engineer so oddly sombre, Erin slowly moved closer, stopping next to her, glad when the blonde didn’t appear uncomfortable by her presence.

“It’s going to work”, Holtzmann said after a few minutes had ticked by in comfortable silence, “you know it’s going to. You’ll be written down in history as the genius who stopped ghosts for good.”

“Possibly”, Erin replied, “but at the same time, I’ve made the Ghostbusters obsolete. So I’m not sure I should be happy about this. I don’t want to lose you guys.”

_I don’t want to lose you. You’re brilliant, you could work anywhere, and if you leave New York I might never see you again and I wish I just had kissed you when I had the chance._

“Please”, Holtzmann replied, turning her whole body now to look at her instead of just her head, “as if you could get rid of us so easily. Even if all… of this ends, we’ll still be friends.”

Erin made herself nod and smile at that, and held back a comment about how she wanted to be more than friends; she looked out at the city, thus missed the way Holtzmann was studying her now, the engineer’s voice soft and a bit stilted when she spoke up again.

“This discovery though”, she started, prompting the physicist to look back at her, “it’s made me think. I wonder how many people are out there in this city who regret missed chances, I imagine quite a few, and I don’t want to be one of them. But I don’t want to mess this up either and freak you out by doing something which will make you uncomfortable so I—”

In this very moment, Erin decided that she had heard enough, and that she had let enough chances go by unused; and so, she closed the small gap between Holtzmann and her and cut her off by pressing her lips to the engineer’s, her heart stopping for a frightening second, then racing in her chest when the blonde kissed her back at once, wrapping her up in her arms and pulling her even closer.

“Promise me”, Erin mumbled after the kiss, face flushed and heart still racing, “promise me that if this works, and the Ghostbusters end… that what we have doesn’t end with it.”

“I promise”, Holtzmann gave back at once, making the physicist smile brightly – before they kissed again, neither of them feeling the cold wind up on the roof anymore, completely wrapped up in each other, and both knowing that, no matter what the future might bring, they’d have each other.


	41. This Kiss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Based on this tumblr prompt: Ohhh a prompt for a sensual holtzbert kiss if you wanna ;) Erin has this special signature moves she did when kissing that makes her a great kisser. She & abby kissed once during college (either drunk or a dare), and now abby retelling the kiss to the girls during their relaxing night together and it makes Holtzmann squirmy hot & bothered bcos goddammit she wanted to kiss Erin since day one!

Laughter echoed through the firehouse as the four women celebrated yet another successful bust; the ghost had been captured and locked away safely in the containment unit (which, as Holtzmann kept reassuring them, wouldn’t cause hair loss anymore even if one spent more than an hour at a time in the same room with it), and now, after the team had cleaned up and changed into fresh clothes, they all sat in the little relax area at the far back of the firehouse’s ground floor, having pizza and drinks and a good time together.

“I’m so glad I didn’t get slimed today”, Erin declared proudly, earning a snort from Holtzmann while Abby giggled and Patty raised her bottle as if in salute, “even though not for lack of trying from that one ghost.”

“Looked quite good though how you avoided that slime, hot stuff”, Holtzmann complimented her, as always making her blush, “you pulled off some impressive moves there.”

“Oh my God!” Abby cried out before Erin could reply something, “that’s not the only area where she has impressive moves, let me tell you.”

“Abby!” Erin squawked, blushing deeply, her reaction immediately making Holtzmann feel intrigued about whatever it was the researcher was talking about, leaning forward with a curious look on her face while Abby laughed gleefully.

“Aw”, she then let out, patting Erin’s back, “I’m not gonna tell them if you really don’t want me to.”

“Awww”, Holtzmann pouted, Erin’s resolve to not let Abby tell this particular story weakening at once – she’d never admit it, not even slightly high on adrenaline and a bit drunk as she was in this very moment, but Holtzmann’s pout had some sort of strange power over her, prompting her to give in whenever it made an appearance.

“Fine”, she sighed, figuring they wouldn’t give in anyway until Abby had told them, “Abby, you can tell them, but let me make it clear that we were both young and drunk.”

“We kissed”, Abby added, Holtzmann nearly choking on her drink, “once, because we had bad kisses with guys and wanted to know it’s any different with girls. Like Erin said, young and drunk. And boy, don’t let her ever tell you she’s not good at kissing, cause that girl rocks.”

At this, Erin impossibly blushed even deeper, and momentarily, Patty feared she might have an aneurysm; before she could voice these concerns though, Abby went on, while Erin looked at the same time flattered and as if she wanted to run from the room.

“She kinda cupped my face, but all gentle”, the researcher told the others, Holtzmann raising an eyebrow, “and then she sort of nibbled my lip? But not hard, just so it only made the whole thing better. Oh and she this thing with her tongue that—”

“Okay!” Erin interrupted her, waving her free hand around frantically, the other clutching the beer bottle perhaps a bit tighter than strictly necessary, “enough of that now, they really don’t want to hear these details!”

Holtzmann wasn’t quite sure what she would have responded, had she had been asked – she felt intrigued, having been eager to kiss Erin since she had first seen her (and perhaps even before that, she was honest enough with herself to admit that she had been in love with the woman’s mind long before she had actually seen her, after having read The Book), but at the same time, what Abby had said had made her feel all flushed and had caused a distinctive tingle in certain regions further south, and she wasn’t quite sure if she’d been able to actually handle any further details on Erin’s kissing skills.

Thankfully though, nobody seemed to notice how much this little tale actually had affected her, or, if they did, they decided not to comment on it; instead, Erin changed the topic quite ungracefully, still flushed, even though her blush faded when the talk moved from her kissing skills to other, less dangerous topics.

* * *

 

A while later, Abby and Patty had declared that they’d had enough beer and food and had gone off to bed; Holtzmann and Erin were still awake though, the physicist not feeling like sleeping yet and the engineer always having too much energy to go to bed at a normal hour, even on the best of days.

“So”, Holtzmann broke the not uncomfortable silence which had formed between her and Erin after just studying the redhead in silence for a while, until Erin had felt her cheeks heat up, “you and Abby, huh?”

“It was a one time thing”, Erin reminded her, making her smirk, the smirk somehow only causing her blush to intensify, “and we were both drunk. Not sure it counts as anything but college experimenting, as awful as that sounds.”

“Uh-huh”, Holtzmann smirked, deciding not to dwell on the fact that she had been the college experiment of quite a few girls back in the day, “but hey, you’re not opposed to kissing women. Is Abby the only women you ever kissed?”

“Maybe, maybe not”, Erin decided that two could play this game, holding back a smug smirk when Holtzmann raised an eyebrow in surprised, “why would you like to know that?”

“Oh you know, just curious”, the engineer told her; Erin gave her a coy smile, then scooted closer on the couch, the beer she had had giving her some liquid courage, but not so much that she wouldn’t have known anymore what she was doing.

“You know”, she practically purred, satisfied when she noticed Holtzmann’s eyebrow twitch at her tone, “you looked quite intrigued when Abby talked about my… moves when kissing. As if you’d like to experience them.”

“Well, I have been flirting with you since the day we met”, Holtzmann pointed out, swallowing heavily enough to let Erin actually see it, “so, hypothetically, I wouldn’t be opposed to the idea. Perhaps we should try this when we haven’t been drinking, though.”

_Because I don’t want just a kiss, I want so much more than that._ Holtzmann didn’t say that, but Erin heard it, anyway; she gave the engineer another smile, moved even closer to her on the couch, and made her breath hitch by reaching out and gently running her fingertips down the other woman’s forearms, leaving goosebumps in their wake.

“I had beer”, she told the blonde, “but I’m not drunk. And neither are you.”

She gave Holtzmann another look, just to make sure it was okay – before she leaned in and kissed her, bringing up one hand to cup the other woman’s jaw, part of the engineer’s mind still functioning well enough despite the fireworks going off in her head to note that this was one of the things Abby had talked about.

The kiss deepened fairly quickly, and Holtzmann couldn’t hold back a mixture of groan and gasp when she felt Erin pull her lower lip between her teeth and give it a sort of nibble – move number two – and then, the redhead performed some sort of flicker with her tongue against Holtzmann’s, earning another groan from the engineer, holding back a smile as she realized that she had interrupted Abby before she’d been able to give away that little detail.

The kiss went on for a while, and somehow, during it, Erin ended up straddling the blonde, comfortable in her lap by the time they pulled apart again; she smiled and reached up to run one hand through Holtzmann’s hair, the engineer smiling back at her somewhat goofily.

“Abby’s right”, Holtzmann mumbled, leaning into Erin’s touch, “don’t ever let anyone tell you that you’re not a good kisser. Cause that was an amazing kiss.”

“Now, Dr Holtzmann”, Erin playfully scolded in reply, “ _one_ is not a proper sample size, you as a scientist should know that.”

“Well, I guess we’ll have to make that sample size bigger, then”, Holtzmann suggested at once, saying exactly what Erin had been hoping for; beaming, the physicist nodded, then kissed her once more, pressing herself against her as she did so, both of them forgetting their surroundings as they were completely focused on each other.

And at the bottom of the stairs, Abby smirked to herself and soundlessly retreated, smug as she walked back to her bedroom. _I knew telling about those kissing moves would work. Go me. Now have fun, you two dorks, you’ve waited long enough._


	42. Dizzying Date Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Based on this tumblr prompt: Erin gets hurt on a bust and tries to hide it from Holtzmann (I feel like fics always have the reverse of this type of behavior, but they are both adorable stubborn idiots).

Usually, whenever they split up into teams during a bust, Erin went with Holtzmann and Abby with Patty, especially since Erin and Holtzmann had officially gotten together; this time though, with Patty having a new version of the Ghost Chipper to test, the engineer had gone with her, and Erin had teamed up with her best friend.

The Ghost Chipper, thankfully, had worked just fine, and so, Holtzmann was in an excellent mood when they met up again after the last ghost had been taken care of; that mood faded a bit though when she noticed the way Abby was looking at Erin, concern clear on the researcher’s face.

“Everything okay?” she asked, and Abby opened her mouth as if to answer; before she could though, Erin said “Yes, everything is fine”, with a pointed look at the other woman, and Abby apparently agreed, not saying anything and just giving a brief nod.

“I’m glad I didn’t get slimed”, Erin told Holtzmann as they loaded their gear into Ecto-1, smiling brightly at her, “that would have put a damper on date night.”

“Aw”, the blonde replied, “nothing could put a damper on our date night, babe, but still, yay for no slime.”

Erin smiled back at her, and nodded – and she immediately regretted that gesture, a wave of dizziness washing over her, but thankfully, Holtzmann was focusing on putting the proton packs into the car now, and didn’t notice how she briefly grit her teeth in an attempt to keep the dizziness at bay.

Holtzmann didn’t notice, but Abby did, and she gave the physicist another concerned look, then raised her eyebrows questioningly; Erin just mouthed “No” at her though, and then the engineer straightened up again, prompting the redhead to give her a smile the moment their eyes met.

“Alright”, Holtzmann said as she closed the trunk, “my babies are safely sleeping in the hearse. Ready to go back?”

The others nodded, Erin just giving a brief nod this time, learning from her mistakes; as usual, Holtzmann took the driver’s seat, and Erin rode shotgun next to her, while Abby and Patty were in the backseat, high-fiving each other over the fact that nobody had gotten slimed this time.

Erin was quiet during the drive back, her head throbbing; thankfully though, the other three kept up a constant stream of chatter, and nobody noticed that she didn’t talk much – or that was what she had thought, only to be proven wrong when Holtzmann approached her once they had made it back to the firehouse, concern evident in her eyes when she spoke up.

“Hey Erin?” she started, making the physicist pause in taking off her coveralls and look at her, “you okay? You were so quiet when we drove back.”

“Fine”, Erin gave back at once, not wanting to risk date night by admitting what really was going on – they had been so busy lately, this was their first chance for date night in almost two weeks, and she didn’t want to disappoint her girlfriend by cancelling last minute.

“Just a bit tired after that bust”, she added, pulling off her coveralls and blushing a bit at the appreciative look Holtzmann shot her as by now, she usually wore nothing but underwear beneath the coveralls, not wanting to ruin half her clothing with slime, “nothing a cup of coffee won’t fix.”

She bent down to pull off her boots, just a bit too fast, and before she realized what was happening, the world greyed around the edges, and then, the floor rushed up to meet her, and she heard Holtzmann cry out “Erin!”, only figuring out what had happened when she felt the engineer grasp her shoulders and tenderly move her onto her back.

“Erin”, Holtzmann said again, alarmed, but feeling a tiny bit calmer when Erin’s gaze met hers and the physicist appeared awake and aware, “what happened, are you okay?!”

“She hit her head”, Abby sighed behind the engineer, prompting her to look over her shoulder and at the researcher, “during the bust. The ghost slammed her against the wall, in fact, but she wouldn’t let me to tell you.”

“I didn’t want to ruin date night”, Erin sniffled before Holtzmann could comment on this, the engineer carefully gathering the physicist up into her arms, remembering too late that it perhaps wasn’t smart to move someone with what could be a concussion, “we haven’t had one in so long and… I didn’t want you to be mad…”

“Erin, love of my life”, Holtzmann gave back at once, while Abby moved to help her get Erin to her feet, “I’d never be mad at you for something like that! And I now declare that date night shall happen on the couch, where you’ll get some proper rest for that brilliant brain of yours. Or do you think we should take you to the hospital…?”

“Couch is fine”, Erin replied at once, not wanting to go to the hospital and perhaps end up staying there overnight; Holtzmann nodded, and together with Abby, they led her from the lockers to the couch in their little lounge area, Patty exclaiming in worry as she saw how pale Erin was and the way she was leaning heavily onto Holtzmann and Abby.

“She hit her head”, Abby explained once more, “and nearly fainted now when she bent over to take off her boots.”

“Date night”, Erin mumbled at the incredulous look Patty shot her; shaking her head, the historian mumbled about painkillers and crazy-ass scientists as she walked off to the kitchen, while Holtzmann and Abby led Erin the rest of the way to the couch, the physicist still feeling bad, but oddly glad that all she saw in the engineer’s eyes was love and concern, and none of the annoyance she’d feared.

* * *

 

“This is a nice date night after all”, Erin mumbled quite a while later; she laid on the couch, a cool, moist dishtowel on her forehead, her head resting in Holtzmann’s lap, the engineer running tender fingers through her hair and smiling down on her, the TV droning in the background, neither of them paying much attention on it though.

“It is”, Holtz agreed, making Erin smile slightly, “but you promise me you never do something like that again, you hear?”

“Says the woman who tried to hide that she almost dislocated her shoulder that one time”, Erin shot back at once, but Holtzmann only shrugged, then smirked, her response prompting Erin to roll her eyes. “Yeah, but I’m the mad scientist here, people expect that from me. You’re supposed to be the reasonable one.”

“Not fair”, Erin pouted, smiling again though when Holtzmann chuckled lowly in reply; she briefly propped herself up on her elbows for a short, but tender kiss, then got comfortable in her girlfriend’s lap again, enjoying the tender caressing of her hair and being so close to the engineer, glad that they had the chance to spend time like this together and that date night hadn’t been ruined after all.


	43. Puns Ahoi

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Based on this tumblr prompt: "I hurt my foot, I need a registered hearse"

“Aw man”, Patty let out once the last ghost of the whole bunch they had encountered in an abandoned factory building had been sucked through her Ghost Chipper and thus had been taken care of, “finally! I was starting to think there’d never be an end to these ghosts. You okay, Abby?”

“Fine”, Abby reassured her, wiping sweat off her brow – she loved the Proton Puncher Holtzmann had made for her, but punching a dozen ghosts in a row could get a bit tiring, “let’s go find Holtz and Erin? Bet Erin got slimed again.”

“Most likely, the poor girl”, Patty replied, laughing; Abby smirked, both of them feeling bad for poor Erin, but simultaneously amused at how she indeed seemed to attract the slime, then set off to find the two, only to be in for a surprise when they located them and found Erin slime-free, but Holtzmann was sitting on the ground, covered in slime from the waist down, and clutching her ankle.

“Don’t say it”, Erin said the moment Patty and Abby were close enough to be heard; Holtz gave her a toothy grin, then looked at the other two, sounding inappropriately cheerful when she spoke up. “I hurt my foot. I need a registered hearse.”

“I told you not to say it”, Erin groaned, shaking her head; Holtzmann just beamed back at her while Patty rolled her eyes, then commented on how the fact that Holtz couldn’t be hurt too badly if she still could pun.

“Just twisted my ankle”, Holtzmann replied, and Abby noticed the way Erin’s gaze softened at her next words, “when I pushed my lovely cupcake here out of the way so she wouldn’t get slimed. Getting slimed two busts in a row is the hearst.”

“Stop it”, Patty strictly told her, Erin now looking as if she wasn’t sure if she should smile or roll her eyes, while Holtz cackled at her own pun; Patty warningly said “no more puns” as she bent down and picked the engineer up on her arms, grimacing as the slime from the blonde’s legs ended up on her arms and hands in the process.

“Okay, no more hearse puns”, Holtzmann told her as she got comfortable in the other woman’s hold, all three of them immediately knowing that she had given in way too fast, “even though that hurts, Patty, and you know, the hearst cut is the deepest.”

“Stop, Jesus”, Abby was the one to complain now while Patty just rolled her eyes, then got moving, Erin and Abby following suit; once at the car, Patty loaded Holtzmann into the backseat, explaining that she certainly wouldn’t let her drive with an injured ankle, and asking if she had to go to the hospital.

“Nah, it’s just sprained”, the engineer replied at once, the three of them figuring though that she would have said the same thing, had her foot been chopped off, all of them well aware of her dislike of hospitals, “I bet I even could drive if you let me.”

“No”, Erin strictly said at once, “what if you slip on the pedal and crash us? We don’t need to wreck Ecto-1 because you got… footloose.”

The others, Holtzmann included, stared at her, a few seconds ticking by in silence – until Holtzmann started to laugh, while Patty just shook her head and Abby facepalmed.

“Clearly”, the researcher then said, shaking her head as well, “Holtz is a bad influence on you. And here we thought that the two of you dating would make her less reckless, instead you start making bad puns!”

“Don’t listen to her, hot stuff”, Holtzmann said between chuckles, while Erin looked immensely pleased with herself, “that was excellent. Victory smooch!”

She pulled Erin closer and gave her a big smack on the cheek, making her giggle – before she turned her head for a proper kiss on the lips, Abby and Patty looking on with fond smiles, happy for their friends and the happiness they had found with each other.


	44. Flex That Muscle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Based on this tumblr prompt: in most fics, holtzmann flexes her muscles like okay we get it she's smol but has amazing abs and really strong. now please give erin her chance to flex and surprise holtzmann. ;)

It only took a few busts for Erin to realize that she needed to work on her cardio and strength, even though until the Ghostbusters, she had thought of herself in good shape; adrenaline only helped marginally though, and when she awoke with a sore back and arms the day after each bust, she realized that she had work to do.

So, she bought a set of barbells, and brought them to work, using them to strengthen her arms while she read or stared at her whiteboard; and she looked up exercises to strengthen her back and legs, too, doing those whenever she had a few minutes to spare, and when no one else was around, oddly self-conscious about her team mates seeing her work out.

To her pride and joy, it didn’t take long until the working out started to have an effect; the muscle in her arms became more defined, and the packs didn’t seem so heavy anymore, even though she still felt sore the mornings after a bust.

Telling herself that this would get better, Erin kept the exercise up, not sure if her friends noticed – if they did, they made no comment – and it indeed get easier as the weeks went by; soon, she handled the proton pack with much more ease, and didn’t feel drained and exhausted anymore even after a bust which had taken several hours, thus agreeing quite enthusiastically when Patty suggested going out for drinks once they had made it back to the firehouse and had cleaned up.

“We deserve cocktails after this bust”, she declared, making the other three nod with quite the enthusiasm, too, “or at least beer. No shots!”

The last two words were aimed at Holtzmann, who had the decency to look a bit bashful – the last time she’d had shots, she had ended up trying to “fix” one of her weapon prototypes, and it almost had blown up in her hands, only Abby’s quick reaction having saved her from possibly losing a few fingers.

“No shots”, Holtzmann agreed, “but beer it is. Come on ladies, let’s go!”

She led the way, the others trailing along behind her, to their usual watering hole on the corner; the barkeep there knew them by now, and only asked “Beer?”, filling up four glasses at the brief nods he received, the Ghostbusters soon in their usual booth and sitting as they usually did, Erin and Holtz on one side while Abby and Patty were on the other.

They all felt relaxed as they talked, and laughed, and drank; and just after the fourth round had been ordered, Abby brought up Erin’s barbells, asking her how the working out was going and remarking on how much easier Erin had handled the proton pack during the bust.

“Oh yeah”, Erin smiled, blushing a bit (and not quite sure why that was happening), “I’m really glad I started that, it helps a lot.”

“You’ll be the strongest of the team soon”, Holtzmann commented, smirking at her in a way which showed she had something up her sleeve, “but! As of now, I bet I’m still stronger, I lug around way more heavy stuff than you. I challenge you to arm-wrestling!”

“What”, Erin flatly replied, while Abby and Patty laughed, “Holtzmann. No. None of us is sober anymore, we’ll probably end up hurting ourselves.”

“You’re just afraid you’ll lose”, the engineer challenged with a slightly manic grin, “come on Gilbert, show us your guns.”

“…fine”, Erin heard herself say, to her surprise and everyone else’s, “but don’t cry when you lose, and if you do, you have to buy my next drink.”

“And if I win?” Holtzmann replied, her manic grin slowly fading as she held Erin’s gaze, not sober enough anymore to keep the desire from flashing up in her eyes; and perhaps, Erin thought, it was the alcohol which made her act so daring, as she found herself smile coyly and said “we’ll just have to see, hm?” – before she, to the growing surprise of everyone at the table, unbuttoned her shirt and pulled it off, revealing the sleeveless shirt she was wearing beneath it.

And then she flexed, and she could see how Holtzmann went perfectly still, eyes glued to her arms, then moving lower, the engineer certainly wondering if her abs were just as well defined as her biceps and forearms.

“Still want to challenge me?” Erin asked, smiling innocently; Holtzmann let out an unarticulated noise in reply, then seemed to snap out of it, a look of determination on her face as she nodded.

“Oh dear”, Abby let out, digging out her phone, “this is too good. Guys, wait, I have to film this. Okay… wait… stupid phone… okay here we go!”

They both put their elbows on the table and grasped each other’s hand; at first, they were both smirking at the other, then their smiles vanished as they started arm-wrestling in earnest, Holtzmann gritting her teeth while Erin, to Abby’s amusement, looked exactly the same as she did whenever she solved a difficult equation.

“Stronger than you look, hot stuff”, the engineer pressed out after a while, time during neither had made any progress; Erin just frowned in reply, the look of concentration on her face intensifying – before she started pushing Holtzmann’s hand down towards the table, the engineer’s eyes widening behind her yellow glasses in surprise and disbelief.

“Erin’s winning!” Abby cried, making sure to capture it all on video; Holtzmann grunted and grit her teeth, and put up quite the fight for another minute, but then, Erin found another burst of strength, and forced her hand down all the way until it touched the table, a triumphant smirk on her face when she let go of the engineer afterwards.

“You owe me a beer”, she then declared, giggling at how Holtzmann pouted, “and, aww, don’t look like that, I won fair and square.”

“You did”, Holtzmann sighed, perking up again afterwards, “but now I want to know, what if I had won?”

“Then”, Erin gave back, and something in her tone made Abby and Patty exchange a look while Holtz went still once again, “I would have done this.”

And with those words, she grasped the blonde’s shoulders, pulled her closer and planted a hearty smooch right onto her lips; she smiled as she pulled back, only for her smile to fade at the way Holtzmann was staring at her, the engineer looking as if she had hit her over the head instead of kissing her.

“Holtz?” Erin said after half a minute had ticked by, reaching out and poking her with her index finger, “um, you okay? I didn’t mean to—”

Holtzmann cut her off by grabbing her and kissing her with quite the passion, and a much deeper kiss than the one Erin had given her; the physicist responded at once, neither of them noticing how Abby and Patty exchanged a look – before they soundlessly got up and moved out of the booth, giving their friends as much privacy as it was possible in the crowded bar.

“Well”, Abby commented as Patty and she moved to the bar, while Erin and Holtzmann kept making out in the booth, “guess Holtz will find out about Erin’s abs tonight after all.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I got a while bunch of prompts left (thank you all! <3 ) but most of them are angsty. While I do love my angst, I imagine we can all need some fluff right now, so if you have any fluffy prompts you wanna see from me, hit me up at dreamshapers-universe.tumblr.com ! :D


	45. Over Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Based on this tumblr prompt: How about holztbert fluff (Erin slowly falling for holtz) starting with 'I love your hugs' to 'would it be alright if I burrowed your sweater? It smells like you' to 'I think I love you'

**Day 1**

“Come here often?” Erin flinches, and turns, and looks at the oddly dressed blonde sitting at the workbench, the woman staring back at her unflinchingly and, somewhat unsettling, unblinkingly, firing up a blowtorch as if this is a normal thing to do. It’s the first time she’s looking at the woman who’s going to change so much about her life, but she has no idea about this yet.

“I’m sorry?” she says the first thing which comes to her mind, “who, who are you?”

“Holtzmann”, the woman says, and they shake hands; then Abby comes back, apparently having finished yelling at the poor person on the other end of the line, and they pull off their stupid prank with the fake EVP.

Erin decides then and there that Holtzmann is a weird person and is quite glad that, after this day, she’ll never see her again.

**Day 5**

Holtzmann dances as they move into the space above the restaurant, and from the way she keeps holding eye-contact with Erin as she does so, Erin can’t help but wonder if the weird blonde is dancing for her; she’s not quite sure what to make of this – why would anyone dance for her, after all, she’s nothing special – but it makes her blush and stutter, and she’s almost thankful when Kevin walks in, a welcome distraction, and a welcome opportunity to show how very straight she is.

She wonders if anyone buys it – Abby certainly doesn’t, judging from her reaction when Erin claims that Kevin is nice to look at – but keeps it up anyway during the interview; it gets quite difficult though when she realizes exactly how dumb that man is, and by the time they tell him that he’s got the job, she’s lost all interest, knowing she could never be happy with someone as lacking the mental department as Kevin, even if he is nice to look at.

She notices the wink Holtzmann sends her way as Kevin goes to get his suitcases, and wonders if Abby wasn’t the only one who hasn’t bought her alleged attraction to the man.

**Day 8**

Holtzmann hugs her for the first time up on the roof, after they’ve all admired the messages spelled out by New York for them; the engineer, overwhelmed by emotion, hugs Abby and Patty first, then her, but she wonders if her hug really does last a bit longer than the other two, or if she’s imagining things.

Holtzmann might be weird, but she gives great hugs, and Erin perhaps enjoys it more than she should, and that is why she, on

**Day 9**

goes to Holtzmann after she makes the mistake of reading a few not so nice comments on an article about them.

“Um, Holtzmann?” Erin tentatively says, not wanting to disturb the engineer’s work, carefully approaching her workbench, “do you… have a moment?”

“For you, always, hot stuff”, Holtz replies, putting down her screwdriver, “what do you need?”

“A hug”, Erin blurts before she can overthink this and stop herself, quickly adding an explanation even though Holtzmann hasn’t asked for one, “I read some comments and they weren’t quite flattering, you know on what happened here in New York and you give really good hugs so I thought…”

She trails off, not sure how to explain that she’s sure a simple embrace will make it all better; Holtzmann seems to get it though, anyway, since she just smiles and nods and then moves to hug her, and Erin melts into her embrace, resting her head on her shoulder and briefly closing her eyes when she feels the engineer rub her back.

She doesn’t even realize that she inhales Holtzmann’s scent as she enjoys the hug, the curious mixture of cinnamon, mint and something burnt already something she associates with friendship and comfort, deep down.

“Thank you”, Erin mumbles after a while, pulling back from the embrace even though she doesn’t quite feel like it yet, “that really helped.”

“Anytime, hot stuff”, Holtzmann tells her, and winks at her; she can feel her cheeks heat up, but smiles back at her before she goes back to her work, feeling much better for the rest of the day.

**Day 16**

The slime really has it in for her, Erin thinks, because she ends up slimed again during the bust the team has been called to early in the morning; they have a bathroom at the firehouse by now, but she has no clean clothes there (not anymore, after the last few busts and laundry day not having happened yet), and so, she ends up in pants from Patty which are too long for her and for which she needs a belt and a hoodie from Holtzmann.

The hoodie clearly is more than just a few years old, but Erin doesn’t care – it’s soft, and comfy, and it smells like Holtzmann, and wearing it makes her feel content and warm, even though she doesn’t allow herself to dwell on what this might mean.

It means nothing, she tells herself even as she sniffs the hoodie as unobtrusively as possible, Holtzmann is just a good friend, and she is straight, anyway, no matter how deeply she blushes whenever the engineer compliments her and no matter how good it feels to have Holtzmann hug her.

She keeps the hoodie after that day, Holtzmann never asks to get it back, and she wears it whenever she feels down or is in need of comfort.

**Day 30**

Erin has known Holtzmann exactly a month – of course she knows that without even having to think about it – when she realizes that she stares at the blonde’s lips more than a friend probably should.

Holtzmann has been flirting with her every single day of those thirty days, tirelessly complimenting her and praising her for her work, and making her blush so often that she starts to wonder if this can have some sort of effect on her health; at first, Erin has tried telling herself that this is just how Holtzmann is, but by now, she knows that is only partly true.

Yes, Holtzmann does praise Abby and Patty too, but never the way she praises her, and she doesn’t flirt with either of them, only ever with her. Even when they go out for drinks, Holtzmann only ever flirts with her.

She knows it should terrify her – she’s straight, she is, at least that is what she has been telling her for the past forty-two years, and even if she wasn’t, Holtz is like ten years younger than her and such a different personality, it would never work, and not that she wants it to work, anyway, she’s straight and they are friends.

It should terrify her that she keeps looking at Holtzmann’s lips and wonders what it might be like to kiss her.

It should terrify her, she knows, but it doesn’t, not anymore.

**Day 42**

Erin has had a few drinks, and she’s tipsy, but not drunk, so she knows what she is saying. She knows, and Holtzmann knows, too, because the engineer knows her by now, knows her limits when it comes to alcohol, so she won’t be able to talk her way out of this in the next morning.

She’s not sure she wants to, anyway, because this feels so good, and she already knows she wants to feel like this again, as often as possible.

She’s finally leaning what it feels like to kiss Holtzmann, and it feels even better than she would have imagined, the way the engineer has one hand entangled in her hair and the other on her back as they make out in Erin’s room making her heart race.

“I think I love you”, she hears herself say before she can stop herself, and she’s mortified, this is the first time they are kissing and she goes and drops such a bomb on Holtzmann, what is she thinking, she’s ruined it all now… then Holtzmann smiles at her, and looks so happy, and Erin dares to hope that perhaps, she hasn’t ruined anything after all.

“I know I love you”, Holtzmann tells her, then kisses her again; Erin kisses her back at once, happy and content and just knowing that this is the right thing, the right person for her, and as Holtzmann’s hand glides down her back, she feels like she’s come home.


	46. Blessed Be Technology

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Random fluff to battle my hangover, hahaha. Involves YouTube, adoring fans and The Scene.

“Guys, guys, guys!” Patty sounded even more excited than her usual self as she came rushing into the former fire station which now served as headquarters for the Ghostbusters, waving her phone around, “you gotta see this!”

“What is it?” Erin was the first to react, turning away from her whiteboard to look at the excited historian; Patty motioned at her to come over in response, and she complied, Holtzmann joining them a moment later and Abby being the last one to move up to the little group, all of them huddled around Patty so they could look at the small phone display.

“I just found this online”, Patty told them, “turns out that even during a ghost apocalypse, someone’s filming. Check this out.”

She hit the play button on the display, and the video started playing; it was blurry and the small screen didn’t exactly improve the quality, but they all saw enough to realize that Patty was right, and that someone actually had filmed them during the massive fight at Times Square.

“Look, hot stuff, there’s you”, Holtzmann pointed out a vaguely Erin-shaped figure on the display, Erin by now not even surprised anymore when she blushed as response to the engineer’s words – one would think she’d be used to the flirting by now, but she clearly wasn’t there yet, her cheeks reddening every single damn time Holtzmann said such things to her or simply referred to her as “hot stuff”.

“And there’s you”, she tried to distract the engineer so she wouldn’t notice her blush; as if whoever had taken this video had somehow known that she would need a distraction at this point, the video zoomed in on Holtzmann, Erin suddenly feeling uncomfortably warm as she realized what was about to happen.

She had been there when it had happened for real, of course, but hadn’t seen all of it, too busy with doing her part of the fight; and now, here it was, blurry and not in the best quality, but good enough to let her see most of it, Holtzmann dual-wielding proton pistols, blasting ghosts apart left and right.

It had been an incredibly arousing thing to witness during battle, as inappropriate as it might have seemed to get aroused at such a time; and now, in the calmness of HQ, it was even worse, Erin had to realize, feeling how her heart sped up and her palms got sweaty as she watched Holtzmann finish the onslaught by blasting a ghost on impossibly long, stilt-like legs into oblivion.

“Ha, that’s when you said it”, Patty pointed out cheerfully what they all knew perfectly well, but which made them smile anyway, “and nearly got me in trouble with those ghosts cause I got all distracted but girl, that was badass.”

“Say it again”, Abby practically commanded, giggling, “you know you want to!”

“You just got Holtzmanned, baby”, Holtzmann was more an happy to oblige; she didn’t say it with quite the same adrenaline-fuelled enthusiasm, but it had been close enough, and Erin felt even warmer, holding back the urge to fan herself since that surely would have raised some questions from her colleagues and friends.

_I wish,_ she thought to herself, glancing at the engineer beside her; it was true that Holtzmann was always flirting with her, but she figured that this was just the blonde’s nature, and told herself to not read too much into it, certainly, the engineer wasn’t really into her like that.

Those thoughts usually led to rather unhappy ones about her lack of attractiveness, and so, she cut them off rigorously, focusing on the video again instead, only to realize that it was over and that Patty had scrolled down to the comments.

“Jeez, look at this”, she said, shaking her head, “half of these are just a quote of you, Holtzy, and the other half is that and has some declaration of love added for you. You’ve got fangirls, girl!”

It was quite irrational, and Erin knew it was, but she couldn’t deny the pang of jealousy at hearing this; at least though, to her slight relief, Holtzmann didn’t seem all too impressed, shrugging in response, her lack of interest not stopping Abby and Patty from teasing her though.

“Just wait”, Abby was saying, while Patty finally closed the application and put the phone back in her pocket, “soon, you’ll be stopped on the street and asked to sign boobies or something.”

“I doubt it”, Holtzmann replied with a roll of her eyes, while Patty cackled; the thought of Holtzmann signing some random girl’s boobs made Erin’s blood boil again, and she didn’t even notice how she clenched her teeth.

“Well, if we’re all done”, Holtzmann added, with a curious look at Erin which the redhead completely missed, “I still got some to work to do, those proton packs won’t fix themselves. Later, guys.”

She cast another curious look at Erin, the physicist still looking as if she was trying to find out how hard she could grit her teeth before damage would be done; if they had been alone, she would have made some sassy comment, having noticed that the redhead’s behaviour and the way she looked at her was changing, but commenting on it with Abby and Patty there might to lead to more teasing, and even though she knew that their friends wouldn’t mean any harm, the risk that Erin would be upset and clam up was too big to let Holtzmann take it.

So, she kept quiet and simply walked back to her lab; she smirked to herself as she did so though, the way Erin had reacted to the video not lost on her, sure that it wouldn’t take much longer until the physicist would finally reciprocate her attention the way she was hoping for – but not having an idea how close this moment truly was.

* * *

 

Erin wasn’t very experienced with YouTube, and so, it took her a few tries to find the video Patty had shown them; after several fails though, she finally had found it, aptly named _Ghostbusters kick ass – Holtzmaned, baby!,_ and she bookmarked it just in case, frowning at the misspelling of Holtzmann’s name, figuring that, with how famous they had gotten since the Rowan Incident, their fans should know how to spell their names.

She put on her headphones so nobody would notice what she was watching, then enlarged the window and clicked Play; the larger screen didn’t do much to improve quality, but it was good enough once the camera zoomed in on Holtzmann, proton streams flashing as she fired left and right, not missing once.

Again, Erin felt herself grow hot, unable to take her eyes off the screen; she watched the video until the end, then hit the replay button, wondering if she was developing some sort of unhealthy obsession as she watched Holtzmann go to town on the ghosts again.

_Nah,_ she then reassured herself, unable to take her eyes off the screen, lamenting the fact that there was no sound and she thus couldn’t hear the excited whoop she knew Holtzmann had let out, not to mention what had quickly become her favourite line from the engineer, _you’re only seeing this for the third time, that’s not obsessive._

She decided that one more time was okay, and clicked on replay once more; keeping her eyes glued to the screen, she watched yet again, giving her best to memorize every move Holtzmann made on screen, not quite admitting to herself that this video and these moves would be quite the fodder for certain fantasies later on.

Almost, she watched it for a fifth time, then told herself not to be ridiculous and forced herself to close the browser window; the headphones came off next, and just when she put them onto the table, the voice spoke right into her ear, so unexpected that it made her jump. “Feeling a bit Holtzmanned, are we?”

Erin was honestly surprised that she didn’t hit the ceiling – it certainly felt as if she’d jumped high enough – and she couldn’t hold back a little squawk; Holtzmann chuckled, then leaned against her desk comfortably, crossing her arms over her chest and winking at the physicist, her grin only widening when Erin blushed furiously.

“No need to be embarrassed”, the engineer said, before Erin could try to deny anything, “happens to the best of them. You wanna go out for dinner some time?”

“Um, um, well”, Erin stuttered, the question having come so out of nowhere that she wasn’t quite sure she had heard the other woman right, “um… yes…?”

“Excellent”, Holtzmann stated, pushing herself off the table nonchalantly, as if she just had asked her how the weather was and not out for dinner, “it’s a date then.”

“It is?” Erin squawked, then paused for a moment and took a deep, controlled breath while Holtzmann just smirked at her; clearing her throat, Erin found herself smiling back at her, answering her own questions and making Holtzmann’s smirk widen considerably. “It is. Tomorrow at eight?”

“Perfect”, the engineer told her, “make sure to wear one of your tiny bowties.” She winked again, and for once, Erin didn’t blush as she smiled back at her; she just nodded her agreement, and without another word, Holtzmann happily sauntered back to her worktable, Erin watching her go, unable to ignore the butterflies in her stomach, asking herself what she just had gotten into, but knowing that there was no way in Hell she’d change any of it.


	47. A Documentary by Dr J. Holtzmann

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Based on this tumblr prompt:  
> My idea for a prompt is I would LOVE a Holtzbert fic involving the camera Holtz kept teasing Erin with. Like, bits and pieces of them leading up to and after they got together, falling in love along the way. I don't know how it would work, but Holtz annoying Erin with the camera has continued to be one of my favorite things with them.

_“Ma’am, can you tell us the story about the world’s tiniest bowtie?”_

_“It, uhm, it came with the shirt.”_

**Moving**

Erin suspected that Holtzmann had unpacked her things in record time after the move to the firehouse so she could spend the rest of the day filming the others unpacking their stuff; she filmed Abby at first, until the researcher got annoyed and shooed her away, prompting her to move on to Patty, and once the historian had enough of being filmed, she ended up at Erin’s desk, recording how the physicist unpacked books and papers.

“I don’t think this is very interesting”, Erin pointed out as she removed a bunch of books from one of the boxes and put it on her desk; Holtzmann shrugged, and winked at her, then moved to get a close-up of her hands, Erin rolling her eyes, but not trying to stop her as she had during the filming at Aldridge Mansion.

“The Ghostbusters moving into their awesome government-funded new HQ has to be documented”, Holtzmann then stated, pulling the camera back again and focusing the lens on her face, “and where’d you get this flannel shirt? Looks good on you.”

“At the store”, Erin dryly replied, earning a snort from the engineer; and after a moment, she smiled back at her, then focused on unpacking again, trying hard to ignore Holtzmann filming her every move.

**Working**

When Erin was fully focused, she often didn’t notice what was happening around her, all her attention taken up by the numbers on her whiteboard; and so, it took her a while until the feeling that she was being watched made the back of her neck tingle.

Frowning, she put her marker down, briefly thinking dreadful thoughts about ghosts escaping from the containment unit and staring at her; then, she turned, ready to face whatever was staring at her, only to find herself looking at Holtzmann, the engineer having her camera in hand again and filming her.

“What are you doing?” she demanded to know, frowning; Holtzmann shrugged, using her free hand to pull a Pringle from the can wedged between her arm and side, munching down it noisily before she answered her.

“I’m filming”, she said, earning another frown from the physicist, a hint of snark in the taller woman’s voice when she replied. “I can see that. Why are you filming me?”

“Why not”, Holtzmann replied with another shrug, smirking at the exasperated look Erin shot her, “I filmed Abby and Patty, too. Gotta document all that Ghostbusters work, you know.”

“I don’t think this is very interesting”, Erin told her, now her turn to shrug, “me staring at the whiteboard and writing numbers every now and then. Who would want to watch that?”

“Me”, Holtzmann shot back without missing a beat, winking at her again, and Erin felt her face grow hot; the engineer smirked at her, then strolled off again, leaving Erin to stare after her, shaking her head to herself at the blonde for another moment before she returned to her work.

**Busting**

“Holtzmann, now is really not the time for this!” Abby yelped as she ducked a ghost rushing at her, the apparition screeching in dismay at having missed her, turning at once to attack again.

“I can multitask”, Holtzmann replied, sounding all too casual for the situation; at least though, Erin figured, she wasn’t boasting about things which weren’t true, keeping the camera steady with one hand while she pulled the trigger of her proton pistol with the other, the stream hitting the ghost before it could make another try to attack Abby.

“Documenting our work is important”, she then added, turning to make sure she’d capture as much of the ghost on film as possible, “so I’ll—”

“Holtz _get down_!” Erin interrupted her, and the urgency in her voice prompted Holtzmann to drop down without a second of hesitation; she still kept up the filming though, and so got it call on camera, how the ghost which had been rushing at her from behind flew past her instead of barrelling into her – and how Erin blasted it apart with the proton shotgun, bits of ectoplasm raining down to the floor.

“Yes!” she cheered, not bothered the slightest by the fact that a ghost had almost tackled her moments ago, “that was so badass, hot stuff, and I got it all on tape! Also, thank you for rescuing my ass.”

“Welcome”, Erin replied, rolling her eyes, but blushing, too, and not only because Holtzmann had called her “hot stuff” again; the way the engineer looked at her, with honest adoration and gratitude and perhaps a bit of desire, not to mention the happy wide smile on her face, made her feel quite warm and tingly inside, a reaction she had noticed about herself more and more often lately, and one she wasn’t quite sure how to deal with.

That didn’t matter right now though, she told herself as she smiled, Holtzmann grinning back at her; now, she had to focus on the bust and the ghosts which still remained, and that was what she did, aware of the engineer recording her every move, and by now quite sure that simple documentation wasn’t the only reason why Holtz would focus the filming on her like that.

**Dancing**

“Holtzmann, put that thing down and celebrate with us”, Erin urged, dancing over to where Holtzmann was sitting on a more or less empty area of her workbench and was filming the dancing of the other three, “come on, dance with me!”

She grabbed the engineer’s free hand and pulled her off the table, prompting her to let out a snort which was half amused, half surprised, not having expected this from Erin at all – but then, she figured, the physicist was still somewhat high on adrenaline after the bust, which probably was enough to explain her behaviour.

Perhaps not quite enough to explain why Erin would keep holding on to Holtzmann’s hand even after the engineer had put the camera down and had joined the dance, but still.

**On the Roof**

They had been planning to watch the meteor shower together, all four of them, but by the time it started, only Erin and Holtzmann were left on the roof; Abby had complained about being cold, and Patty had decided that she was too tired, but the engineer and the physicist refused to budge, both eager to see the phenomenon.

Holtzmann, unsurprisingly, had brought her camera, but, to Erin’s slight surprise, she didn’t film much of the meteor shower once it had started; instead, she only focused on that for a short while, then moved the camera so Erin was in the frame, smiling at the look the physicist shot her.

“Don’t look at the camera, hot stuff”, she then said, gesturing at the sky, “look up there again. You looked so fascinated and awed, I want to capture that look.”

“Oh”, Erin replied, not all too eloquent, but not sure what she could say, feeling herself blush again, “that… was kind of sweet. Thank you.”

Holtzmann smiled back at her, then gestured at the sky again, reminding Erin of the event she was missing; instead of looking up again though, Erin moved closer to her instead, making it her turn to be surprised as she put one arm around her waist, then used her free hand to put it over the engineer’s holding the camera and pointed it at the sky again, keeping her arm around Holtzmann and her hand on the smaller woman’s, and Holtzmann wondered if she could feel her heart race in her chest.

**Working (Again)**

“…so if you adjust that number, it should work just fine, no?” Erin wanted to know as she pointed out the changes she had made to Holtzmann’s calculations, turning her head to look at the engineer standing next to her; the camera, of course, is on the desk in front of them, only filming the blueprints and their hands as they point out numbers and drawings on it to each other, a bit nonsensical, Erin thought to herself, but by now, she’d gotten used to Holtzmann’s weird obsession with the camera, and didn’t question it anymore.

“Yeah”, Holtzmann confirmed, distracting her from the camera as she beams at the work Erin has checked and then corrected for her, “and I can see my mistake now, too. Thanks so much, hot stuff.”

Their eyes met as Erin turned her head to look at her, and before the redhead could stop herself, she closed the gap between them, small as it was, and pressed her lips to Holtzmann’s, finally giving in to an urge she had felt for quite a while now.

And clearly, she hadn’t read Holtzmann’s flirting and compliments and smiles wrong, since the engineer kissed her back at once, hands moving to her waist and pulling her closer, Erin’s hands entangling in the blonde’s hair as the kiss deepened and became much more passionate.

Neither of them noticed the small red light on the camera wink out as the battery died.

**The First Morning After**

“Holtz”, Erin said, blushing, “do you have to?”

“Yup”, Holtzmann replied, making sure the camera was adjusted correctly so everything relevant would be filmed, “have to document this important moment in history. The first time we make breakfast together.”

“I guess I should be glad you didn’t want to document the first time we slept together, instead”, Erin dryly replied, earning a throaty laugh from her girlfriend while Holtzmann moved up to her and hugged her from behind.

“That can be arranged, if you’re into that”, she purred into Erin’s ear, chuckling again at the “Holtz!” Erin let out; she blushed again, realizing that, as Holtzmann moved away to get started with the coffee machine, she would be caught on tape with nothing but underwear and an oversized shirt on; she also figured though that Holtzmann wouldn’t ever show this to anyone, and told herself that thus, it was okay, smiling to herself as she made toast and eggs for them, revelling in how good and right all about this morning and the previous night felt.

**Another Morning After**

“How many videos of us making and / or having breakfast are there by now?” Erin asked with a small laugh, making the engineer shrug; she fumbled with the camera, then smiled brightly at Erin as she moved to sit next to her.

“A bunch”, she then said, pushing the zoom button on the camera and taking a moment to film the trays with rather luxurious breakfast, “but none of them is like this. This is special.”

Erin’s smile widened at that, and she reached out to grasp Holtzmann’s free hand, telling her it should be both of them; the engineer smiled, and nodded, then kept the camera steady, for a few seconds just filming their joined hands – and the identical golden rings they had put on each other’s finger the night before.

“Special indeed”, Erin mumbled, pushing the camera aside just like she had the very first time Holtzmann had filmed her, and pulling her closer for a kiss; the camera dropped to the bed as the kiss deepened, recording nothing but white sheets now, but still Erin mumbling “I love you” to Holtzmann could be heard, and the engineer’s response of “love you too, hot stuff”.

They both agreed that it was the best wedding video ever.


	48. Talk, Talk, Talk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Based on this tumblr prompt: Erin gets critically wounded on a bust and Holtz has to keep her talking to keep her conscious.   
> (I wanted to do fluffier ones for a while, but this one really spoke to me, so yeah. This has description of injuries and blood.)

When the bust had been called in, it had quickly been decided that there was no need for all four of them to go, and so Erin and Holtzmann had gone while Abby and Patty had stayed behind, the two of them figuring that they’d be enough to deal with what sounded like a Class II, maximum Class III.

And they had dealt with the ghost well enough, just the two of them; the haunting had been happening in an old abandoned theatre, by the ghost of an actor who had found an untimely end there during a play, and while he had been quite melodramatic, he hadn’t been very strong, Erin and Holtzmann capturing him in the proton streams without trouble on the rickety wooden stage and wrangling him into the ghost trap Holtzmann had readied right beneath him.

They had been confident that it would work out that way, and that the ghost wouldn’t be any trouble; and while that had turned out to be correct, they hadn’t expected the very building to work against them.

Erin was there one second and gone in the next, her vanishing accompanied by splintered sounds and a surprised yelp from the physicist, and it took Holtzmann a moment to realize what just had happened.

“Oh jeez”, she let out, not all too worried, not yet; she moved over to the jagged hole in the floor where the stage had given in beneath Erin and peered down into the darkness beneath, halfway expecting to hear Erin grumble and complain – she hadn’t gotten slimed, for once, but of course, something else unfortunate had happened to her.

“Erin?” she called out when no sounds of annoyance from the physicist reached her ears, the first small pang of worry briefly cramping up her heart; for a few breathless seconds, there was no reply, and the worry grew.

Then she heard the soft groan, the pain in it, and the worry all at once pushed every other emotion aside, her hands trembling when she dug out her flashlight and shone it into the hole.

She usually wasn’t one to call out to deities she didn’t even truly believe in, but this time, she couldn’t stop a small, startled “Oh my God” to escape her, her stomach turning and her heart skipping a painful beat before it started hammering in her chest.

The area beneath the stage was just as desolate and abandoned as the rest of the theatre, and when she had fallen through the stage and down there, Erin had landed on some sort of metal rod standing up straight from the ground, and the metal had gone all the way through her, sticking out of her stomach now as she laid impaled on it, groaning softly in pain again as the light of the engineer’s flashlight fell on her.

Not caring the slightest about her own safety, just eager to get to Erin, Holtzmann jumped down into the hole, miraculously managing to not injure herself on the bits and pieces lying around down there; she knelt down next to her and grasped her hand, relieved when the physicist’s eyes moved to meet hers, even though her heart cramped up at the pain she could see in them.

“I, I’m calling 911”, she brought out, fighting to keep her voice steady, telling herself it wouldn’t to do make Erin even worse by letting her see how freaked out she was, “you’re gonna be okay, alright?”

“Hurts”, Erin brought out in reply, the tremble in her voice only making Holtzmann’s concern and fear grow; she gave the other woman’s hand a reassuring squeeze, then hurriedly dug her phone out and made her call, reminding herself of the information they would need to send someone to help.

“Yes, hello”, she said the moment the call had been taken and a soothing female voice had asked her what her emergency was, “um, this is Holtzmann, from the Ghostbusters, we got an emergency here…”

She quickly gave the address and what had happened to Erin to the woman, the dispatcher reassuring her that the ambulance would be there as fast as possible; she advised the engineer to, if possible, keep Erin awake, Holtzmann giving back that she would before she ended the call.

“Hey”, she said, relieved to see that Erin’s eyes were still open, even though the redhead had gone drastically pale and looked as if she was close to passing out, “they’re sending someone right away, I just need you to stay with me until the ambulance arrives, okay? Can you talk or does it hurt?”

“Hurts either way”, Erin whispered, the wince she let out afterwards clenching up Holtzmann’s heart, “but can’t… pass out. Would be… bad.”

“Yes, that’s right, you’re so smart, hot stuff”, Holtzmann babbled, squeezing her hand, “so I’ll have to try to keep you awake, alright? You can yell at me later for annoying you with that, but now, I have to do that. So, uh, tell me… um…”

She felt like smacking herself when she realized that she had no idea what to say to keep Erin talking; if her friend hadn’t been badly hurt, she would have asked her about some physicist thing, but since this might be a topic too heavy for the redhead’s current state, she figured that she’d better keep the talk light and easy to follow.

“So tell me”, she said the first thing which came to her mind, “if… someone were to ask you out on a date, what would you wanna do?”

“Dinner”, Erin mumbled, glad to feel Holtzmann’s hand in hers, just another thing which helped her to stay awake, “and maybe… dancing. Or a movie. A funny one. No scary movies.”

“Yeah, wouldn’t want to go watch horror movies if you work with ghosts every day, right”, Holtzmann said, glad when Erin managed a weak smile, “you’d want your date to bring your flowers?”

“No roses”, Erin let her know, coughing a bit afterwards, Holtzmann fighting hard to hide her panic when blood trickled from the physicist’s mouth, “too cliché. Maybe… daisies.”

“Daisies, check”, Holtzmann replied, “you’d want your date to pick you up at home? All gentlemanly?”

“Yes”, the physicist said with a small sigh, a bit wistful, making Holtzmann wonder if she ever actually had had a date like this, “or at work. But they have to pick me up.”

_She didn’t say_ he _has to pick me up,_ Holtzmann thought to herself, her heart performing a giddy jump in her chest – before she scolded herself, telling herself she had to focus on keeping Erin awake now instead of indulging in her fantasies about taking her out on a date.

“Okay”, she thus said out loud, “you’re doing great, hot stuff, just perfect. Just hold on a bit longer, alright? What kind of dancing would you like to go to? Like, disco or more classical?”

“Don’t care”, Erin mumbled, Holtzmann feeling her heart clench up again at how weak the redhead sounded by now, “just… dance. With someone. Have fun.”

“Yes, fun is important”, the engineer agreed at once, squeezing the other woman’s hand yet again, “fun should be had on dates, that’s their point, right?”

“Fun and kissing”, Erin murmured, the engineer feeling herself panic again when the redhead’s eyes began to close, “kissing. Kissing is… nice.”

“It is, but I need you to stay awake”, Holtzmann told her, unable to keep the urgency out of her voice when the physicist didn’t respond, her eyes closing, “alright? Erin? Answer me, come on. Please. Answer me. Erin. Erin! _Erin!”_

* * *

Erin opened her eyes and was in pain. She wanted to cry out, but held the noise back, not quite sure why, but still gritting her teeth; the white ceiling and walls, and the steady beeping she registered a moment later told her that she was in the hospital.

She was in the hospital, so apparently, she had survived her misfortunate from the last bust; the pain she felt in her midsection was just another indication that she wasn’t dead, and now, she did let the groan out, her whole stomach feeling as if someone had poured lighter fluid over it and set it on fire.

A soft sound from her left distracted her from her pain, thankfully, and she slowly turned her head; and immediately, warmth bloomed in her chest as she saw Holtzmann slumped into one of the uncomfortable hospital chairs, fast asleep and still in the Ghostbuster coveralls, making her wonder how long the blonde had been there with her already.

Then, a splash of colour next to the engineer caught her eye, and she turned her head even further; she still remembered everything about the way Holtzmann had tried to keep her awake, what they had talked about, and so, she smiled despite her pain as she saw what had gained her attention.

Standing on the small table next to her bed was a vase filled with daisies.


	49. El Nino

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Based on this tumblr prompt: Holtz has a very fat cat called Nino that follows her around the fire station. Everyone thinks it's adorable, other than Erin who keeps getting cock-blocked by him  
> Time for fun and fluff after yesterday's angst XD

Everyone loved Holtzmann’s cat, and Holtzmann herself loved him most of all. Erin and Patty had been somewhat surprised when they had been introduced to the animal – a stunningly fat, black and white tomcat whom Holtzmann had introduced as “Nino, who is my son”, while the cat in question had been, in true cat fashion, quite blasé about all the attention he got from the Ghostbusters.

They all got used to the cat living there with them quickly, also because Nino was quite well-behaved; he followed Holtzmann around like a puppy, but somehow knew which machines and tools to stay away from, and never left any unpleasant surprises anywhere, doing all his business in the litter box.

(Except for the one time Abby fed him too much of the bacon she’d fried for breakfast and he had thrown up on Erin’s desk, but they all agreed it hadn’t been his fault.)

It took a while, even after the puking incident, for Erin to start wondering if perhaps, Nino didn’t like her.

It started harmless enough, with the cat looking at her haughtily when she tried to pet him, or not accepting treats form her when he took them from everyone else; Holtzmann reassured her that it meant nothing, that Nino just could be moody, and that she shouldn’t take it personal. And how ridiculous would that be, anyway, to get offended at a fat cat not liking her.

Apparently though, it wasn’t just Nino being moody, but had some deeper meaning – evidenced by how he scratched her for the first time right after Holtzmann and she had shared their first kiss, a low _mreow!_ coming from behind her the second they had pulled apart again, followed by Nino digging his claws into her calf.

“Nino!” Holtzmann scolded as Erin yelped in pain, giving the cat a strict look, “don’t scratch her!”

“Maybe he’s jealous”, Erin hazarded, miffed at the cat for ruining the moment like that, “or, I dunno, maybe he thought I’m trying to bite you.”

“Sorry about that”, Holtzmann apologized, while Nino gave Erin another haughty look before he strolled away, tail held high – _as if he wants me to see his butthole,_ Erin thought to herself quite irrationally, “shall we continue where he interrupted us?”

“Gladly”, Erin smiled, telling herself that she’d been waiting too long for this kiss to let a fat cat interrupt her; she moved in to kiss Holtzmann again, forgetting all about Nino for now, revelling in the engineer’s feeling and taste, unaware of the cat glaring at her from the top of the stairwell.

After that kiss and the start of the relationship it had led to, things only got worse.

Erin started to find cat puke everywhere, in her shoes, on her desk and once, inexplicably, in the drawer of said desk; and as if that wasn’t enough, Nino now not only didn’t accept treats from her anymore, but actually hissed at her and tried to scratch her whenever she got too close to him.

Still, she kept her thoughts about Nino obviously not liking her to herself, knowing how much the cat meant to Holtzmann; and so, she endured the way Nino would hiss and glare at her, and made sure to keep her hands away from him after a few particularly deep scratches, telling herself that she could handle this.

And she could, and did… until Nino upped his game, and practically dive-bombed her one fateful evening, when she was cuddling with Holtz on the couch, interrupting quite the passionate make-out session and startling her enough that she actually bit Holtzmann in the lip, thankfully not hard enough to break the skin.

“Jesus!” she cried out, not sure if she was startled more by Nino’s attack or by what she had done to Holtzmann, “I’m so sorry, Holtz!”

“Mmmf”, Holtzmann let out, having one hand pressed to her mouth, her lip throbbing and she could feel it swelling; Erin felt even worse, hurriedly coming to her feet, for the first time returning the glare Nino shot her as she hurried to get some ice from the freezer.

“You know, I was doubtful at first”, she told the engineer upon her return with a bunch of ice-cubes wrapped up in a dishtowel, glad to see that by now, Holtzmann had taken her hand down and that there was no blood, “but by now I’m pretty sure your cat hates me.”

“I’m sorry”, Holtzmann said, with an unhappy look at Nino, “I don’t know why he’d act like this, unless he really does hate you. He’s never been like this with anyone before.”

“Perhaps he really is jealous”, Erin suggested, making the blonde shrug unhappily, “but you don’t have to be sorry, it’s not your fault. And I can live with your cat hating me as long as I have you.”

“Awww”, Holtzmann let out, smiling brightly; Erin smiled back at her, then kissed her cheek, mindful of her swollen lip, before she suggested moving this to the bedroom – and perhaps closing the door, just in case –, the engineer nodding quickly and eagerly, throbbing lip forgotten.

As they walked off, Nino watched them go, then went to puke into Erin’s shoes again, for good measure.


	50. Daises, If You Please

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is a direct sequel to chapter 48 - the date you guys asked for ;) Enjoy!

After three weeks in the hospital, and with the knowledge that it would take a bit longer until she’d be allowed to go home, Erin was getting thoroughly sick of the hospital room and of the food she was served there each day.

She knew that she had been somewhat lucky, even with how badly she had been hurt; the metal rod she’d ended up impaled on had missed her spine and hadn’t done irreparable damage to any vital organs, the doctors reassuring her that she’d be good as new soon, apart from the jagged scars on her back and stomach, which would be reminders of what had happened to her for the rest of her life.

At least, she had pleasant company to keep her occupied and from dying of boredom; Abby and Patty took turns visiting her, since one of them had to be at the firehouse, and Holtzmann was there each day when visiting hours began and only left once they were over.

Holtzmann brought her fresh daisies every single morning, replacing those from the previous day; they were so fresh that Erin had started to wonder if a flower shop close to the hospital was happy about the daily business, or if Holtzmann actually picked them herself somewhere on the way.

Every day, Erin would smile at her and thank her for the flowers, and every day, Holtzmann would put them in the vase and add fresh water; they never spoke about what the daisies might mean though, the physicist never having mentioned it to Holtzmann that she remembered everything from between getting injured and passing out, and the engineer never brought it up, either.

“Man”, Erin now sighed, on Monday of the fourth week of her stay in the hospital, “I’m going to be so glad when I get out of here. I think I know all the cracks in the ceiling by heart now.”

“Poor you”, Holtzmann showed sympathy, glancing at her while she arranged the fresh daisies in the vase, “but not much longer now, right?”

“Hopefully”, Erin sighed, “but the doctor did say it looks good. Thank goodness, if I have to eat much more of that jello, I’ll scream. The first thing I’ll do when I get out of here will be eating the unhealthiest meal I can get.”

“Like what”, Holtzmann wanted to know, amused; Erin shrugged, smiling at her as she got done with the flowers and sat down next to her bed, the engineer smiling back at the physicist while she responded. “Don’t know. Mexican maybe. Or, oh, pizza! A meatlover’s pizza with extra cheese and garlic crust.”

“That sounds good”, Holtzmann nodded in agreement, while Erin looked somewhat wistful at the thought of said pizza; then, she told herself that she’d have to hold on a bit longer until she could get that, glad for the distraction Holtzmann provided from these longings, Patty joining them not long afterwards, the two of them keeping her mind occupied until they had to go.

* * *

 

Visiting hours had ended a while ago, and now, Erin sat upright in bed, glad that by now, she was well enough to do so; her friends had brought books to keep her busy when they couldn’t be there, and she was engrossed by one of them, thus not even noticing how the minutes ticked by, until her stomach rumbled audibly and made her realize that dinner time had come and gone without the nurse showing up with the bland hospital food she just couldn’t get used to.

Frowning, Erin put her book down, wondering if she should push the call button and ask where her food was; it was bland and tasted like cardboard most of the time, but it made the rumbling of her stomach stop, and she figured it was better than nothing.

Not wanting to be a nuisance though, she decided to wait another ten minutes; and when half of those had passed, there was a knock on her door, the physicist’s eyes widening in surprise though when it opened after her “Come in!” and revealed something decidedly unexpected.

Instead of a nurse wheeling in her dinner, Holtzmann entered the room, and not only did she carry yet another fresh bouquet of daisies, but a pizza box, too, a smaller container made of plastic balancing on top of it, and a plastic bag dangling from her arm.

“Holtz”, she said in surprise, the engineer smirking at her and at how she was stating the obvious, “what are you doing here?”

“I bring meatlover’s pizza”, Holtzmann replied, nodding at the box while she kicked the door close behind herself, not having a hand free, “as well as tiramisu for dessert and, since you’re not supposed to drink alcohol yet, that weird mixed juice of apple and orange and carrot you like. Also cups for that juice, cutlery for the pizza, flowers, and, if you fancy them, candles.”

“That is the sweetest thing anyone has ever done for me”, Erin brought out, feeling close to tears all at once; she bravely bit them back while Holtz smiled at her, then put all the stuff on the small table, moving said table closer to the bed afterwards, the physicist smiling and nodding when Holtzmann asked if she wanted to make use of the candles.

Quickly, the engineer set everything up, putting the pizza box in the middle of the table and placing and lighting up the candles, making sure Erin could easily reach the food before she poured the juice for Erin and a glass of coke for herself.

“There we go”, she then said, carefully moving a slice of pizza onto one of the paper plates she had readied and handing it to the physicist; and at the first bite, Erin couldn’t help herself, but just had to roll her eyes in delight, a small moan even escaping her at how good this tasted.

“This is so good”, she said, Holtzmann watching her with delight, “thank you for this, Holtz, really. That’s so sweet. How did you manage to get all that past the nurses?”

“Why do you think you didn’t get dinner today”, Holtzmann replied with a wink, “being the most charming Ghostbuster has its perks.”

“Well, I feel special that you’d use this charm to bring me unhealthy food”, Erin smiled, feeling her cheeks heat up, her blush only deepening when Holtzmann gave her a surprisingly serious look in reply, her voice just as solemn when she spoke up. “You better do, because you _are_ special.”

“Too bad we can’t dance”, Erin blurted in reply, speaking on before she could overthink it and stop herself, “you know, cause that would make it like I said to you when you kept me awake.”

For a moment, Holtzmann looked honestly surprised, then smiled from ear to ear, the sight warming Erin’s heart; the pizza was forgotten as the engineer scooted closer to the bed and took tender hold of the physicist’s hand, the sparkle in her eyes mirrored in the other woman’s.

“Well, you know”, the engineer practically purred, making Erin swallow heavily, “we can still do that once you’re allowed to get out of here. Dinner and dancing, it was, right?”

“Yes”, Erin mumbled, finding herself captivated by the brilliant blue of Holtzmann’s eyes, “and… kissing.”

“Yes, and kissing”, Holtzmann echoed, feeling her heart race in her chest, knowing that, if she had interpreted this all wrong – she wasn’t the best at social cues, after all – she could ruin everything with what she wanted to say next, but not willing to back down, either, “so I’d like to kiss you now. If you want me to.”

“Yes”, Erin breathed, eyes fixated on Holtzmann’s lips now; and moments later, they closed as the engineer leaned closer and kissed her, her hand coming up to entangle in Holtzmann’s hair, a soft sigh escaping her at how good and soft and _right_ the kiss felt.

“This might be the weirdest date ever”, she mumbled after the kiss, Holtz smiling at her widely in reply, “but also the best. Thank you so much for this.”

“My pleasure, hot stuff”, Holtzmann reassured her, Erin giving her another bright smile – before she pulled her closer for another kiss, the pizza forgotten as all they could focus on was each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My goodness, I can't believe I wrote 50 one-shots for this pairing. And there'll be more to come! Thank you all for kudos, comments and of course reading :)


	51. Up Where We Belong

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Based on this tumblr prompt: Imagine person A making dinner for themself and singing a love song that’s normally a duet while a window is open. Suddenly, person B who is outside the window starts singing along with them. Bonus if this how they first meet. 
> 
> And the song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X2y7woasr_s
> 
> Fluff and a bit of cheesiness. XD

Erin loved working at Columbia, the teaching and her work with the small, but capable team of physicists; she loved her office, she loved the classrooms and the labs, and she even loved the small kitchen.

The kitchen got special love from her on days like that Friday evening, when she worked late; everyone else had left hours ago, but her work had been going so well, and she hadn’t any other plans, and so, Erin figured she might as well stay and keep working, only taking a break now to fix herself a small dinner, her stomach demanding food quite audibly by now.

This wasn’t the first evening she spent working at the university, and so, Erin was prepared; she had a bunch of TV dinners stored in the fridge, and pulled one of them out now, her stomach rumbling again, her mouth watering even though she knew that eating these things wasn’t exactly healthy.

Figuring that she might as well have some background noise while she waited for the food to get done, she quickly put the meal into the microwave, pushing the buttons according to the instructions, then, while the microwave started humming, moved to the radio someone had put in the kitchen a while ago and switched it on, comfortably leaning against the table afterwards as the music filled the small room and drowned out the microwave’s steady hum.

The song which had been playing when she had switched the radio on ended, and Erin smiled to herself when the next one began; it was one of her all-time favourites, the physicist a secret romantic at heart – something she kept well-hidden from her colleagues, not wanting to be seen as overly sentimental and perhaps an un-scientific person – but she knew that no one else was around, and so, she allowed herself to sing along, knowing the words by heart.

_Who knows what tomorrow brings  
In a world, few hearts survive_

_All I know is the way I feel  
When it's real, I keep it alive_

Getting into the song, Erin swayed along to the melody, focusing fully on the music, reminding herself again that no one was there to catch her acting like this; and so, she got quite the fright when, at the chorus, another voice joined in, prompting her to twirl around and stare towards the door with wide eyes.

It was a woman, one she had never seen before – not that she knew all the faculty members, with the university as big as it was –, a bit shorter than her, with an unruly mop of blonde curls and one of the strangest, most unfitting for academia outfits she had ever seen, stained coveralls over an olive green shirt and a heavy leather jacket over said shirt, fingerless gloves and glasses with yellow lenses completing the odd look.

Anyone else would have stopped singing, Erin thought to herself, and would have apologized for scaring her; this weird-looking woman just went on though, now smirking a bit at her, and after a moment, Erin, feeling surprisingly brave all at once, perhaps because this person didn’t look like she’d care much what anyone thought of her, joined in again, as well, momentarily surprised by how well their voices seemed to work together.

_Love lift us up where we belong_  
_Where the eagles cry, on a mountain high_

_Love lift us up where we belong  
Far from the world below, up where the clear winds blow _

The stranger’s smirk widened and turned into a genuine hearty smile as Erin sang with her, and she stepped into the kitchen, closer to the physicist, accompanying her parts of the song with fitting dramatic gestures; this nearly made Erin laugh, but she bit it back, not wanting to ruin this weird, but oddly heart-warming moment, a just as odd tingle running down her spine when the woman’s eyes met hers as they sang the second chorus together.

The song ended all too fast, Erin thought to herself as the last notes faded away; she cleared her throat, the strange magic of the moment broken, her cheeks heating up as she looked away, even though her gaze was drawn back to the stranger when the other woman took another step closer, her heart, for some reason, skipping a beat when their eyes met once more.

“Well, that was nice”, the blonde said, “come here often? So we can repeat that some day?”

“I work here”, Erin pointed out in response, figuring that she might as well introduce herself, “Erin Gilbert. I teach particle physics.”

“Holtzmann”, the other woman introduced herself, a somewhat strange introduction, Erin thought to herself, but wasn’t forward enough to comment on it, “nuclear engineering. I just started this week.”

“Oh”, Erin let out, “well… welcome, then. Do you like it?”

“So far, yes”, the blonde smirked, only to raise an eyebrow at the microwave beeping, making a face when Erin pulled her dinner out of it.

“I don’t eat healthy, but this is just nasty”, she commented, earning a frown from the physicist, “that stuff is gonna give you an ulcer some day. Wanna go have pizza with me?”

If it had been anyone else, one of her stiff colleagues or one of the obnoxious men her age who seemed to think she was in need to be rescued of being single (and often thought that she should be grateful for the attention they were giving her), Erin would have politely declined; this weird woman was strangely intriguing though, and before she realized she was doing it, she nodded, smiling, blushing a bit again when the blonde beamed at her.

“Excellent”, she then said, offering her arm with a flourish, “shall we, then?”

With a little giggle, Erin nodded, and took hold of the other woman’s arm; she remembered to switch off the radio as they walked out of the kitchen, the TV dinner remaining forgotten in front of the microwave though, the physicist finding herself unable to look away from the woman next to her as she walked with her, wondering where this strange new acquaintance might lead.


	52. Double K.O.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Based on this tumblr prompt: I've read a lot of Erin or Holtz being sick/injured with one taking care of the other. I'm curious to see the struggle of them both sick/injured at the same time and unable to care for each other effectively.

“Ouch.” Holtzmann half said, half groaned as she sank down onto the bed, for once not falling onto it in her usual fashion; Erin let out a vaguely agreeing noise as she sank onto the mattress next to her, grimacing the moment her position put pressure on her shoulder and turning to lie on her side.

“What a disaster”, she mumbled once she had gotten as comfortable as it was possible, as bruised and hurting as she was, “that must have been the worst bust in our history. Not that this history is long, but still.”

“God yes”, Holtzmann agreed with another groan, trying to breathe flatly as her ribs throbbed with each deeper breath she took, “what a mess.”

“And that after it started so well”, Erin almost whined, making her girlfriend nod again – it _had_ started well, the team working together flawlessly at this point, barely needing to communicate much anymore, everyone knowing how each of them worked and their strengths and weaknesses.

So, at first, it had gone well – until a whole gang of what Holtzmann had called surprise ghosts had popped up and had gone after them, and it had ended with one of them slamming Erin into a wall so hard she’d almost dislocated her shoulder and another taking Holtzmann down with a wooden board to the ribcage, and now here they were, in pain and bruised and exhausted, the bust having gone on for hours even after they had taken those hits, but at least it had ended with all the ghosts either trapped or destroyed.

“You should put ice on those ribs of yours, you know”, Erin told the blonde, holding back another wince as her whole back felt like one big bruise, aching even though she was lying on her side; Holtzmann let out a vaguely agreeing grunting noise, didn’t move though, but gave Erin puppy dog eyes instead.

“Can you get some for me?” she then wanted to know, pouting at the groan Erin let out in response.

“I hurt all over”, the physicist then told her girlfriend, with an apologetic look, “actually, I was hoping I could ask you to get me some painkiller when you’d get the icepack.”

“I can’t even breathe properly”, Holtzmann whined, “let alone get up and get icepacks and painkillers. Shit, maybe we should call one of the others to help us.”

“They’re just as banged up as we are”, Erin reminded her of the fact that they hadn’t been the only ones to get injured; Abby had ended up with a twisted ankle thanks to a puddle of ectoplasm on the floor, and Patty had shared Erin’s fate of being slammed into the wall, having declared that she’d sleep for three days now after the bust finally had been completed.

“Dang it”, Holtzmann grumbled, then surprised the physicist by slowly sitting up, “okay, I can do this then. A few bruises are not enough to bring me down.”

Apparently, the bruises disagreed, since Holtz did manage to get up from the bed; once she stood though, she swayed on her feet, and her face paled drastically, Erin having a moment to sit up in alarm – a movement she regretted instantly, as sharp pain shot through her whole body – before Holtzmann slumped back down onto the bed, ending up flat on back again, staring up at the ceiling as she took slow, controlled breaths.

“Or maybe they are”, she conceded once she could be sure the sudden wave of pain which had rolled over her wouldn’t make her throw up; Erin gave her a miserable look, then reached out to gently run her fingers through the engineer’s slightly messed up hairdo, earning a pitiful look from the blonde.

“Sorry”, the engineer then added, all at once sounding so upset that it made Erin feel alarmed all over again, “I would have loved to get you those painkillers to make you feel better because I love you and don’t want you to be in pain but I can’t I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay”, Erin hurriedly reassured her, not wanting her girlfriend to feel this way, “really, it is, don’t feel bad. Maybe we should just try to get some sleep, we might feel better once we wake up.”

Still looking upset, Holtzmann nodded, then gingerly moved until she could carefully put one arm around Erin’s waist, making sure to not put pressure on any of the places which hurt; mindful of her bruised ribs, Erin snuggled up to the engineer in response, moving one hand to caress her hair again afterwards.

“Let’s get some rest”, she repeated her suggestion, “I’m sure we’ll feel better in the morning.”

“Hmhm”, Holtzmann let out, Erin giving her a brief smile before she leaned in for a tender kiss; afterwards, she moved her hand to tenderly run it up and down Holtzmann’s arm, knowing the blonde enjoyed this, glad when her girlfriend managed a small smile in response.

“Holtz?” she then broke the silence, before they could both fall asleep, earning a questioning “Hmm?” this time; Erin gave her another smile, then mumbled “love you, too” into her ear, earning a much happier and less pained smile this time, the couple sharing another tender kiss before they both drifted off into sleep.


	53. The Curious Case of Dr Gilbert and Ms Gates

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Based on this tumblr prompt: Could you maybe write a story or a chapter where Erin sneaks off to sing at a bar sometimes and one day Holtzmann finds out and goes to see her?

It didn’t take long after their move into the firehouse for Holtzmann to notice that apparently, their resident genius physicist Dr Erin Gilbert had some sort of secret.

Holtzmann had what Abby usually called “an insane circadian rhythm”, often working until two or three a.m. and then sleeping until seven, never longer until eight, making the others wonder if she actually had coffee running in her veins instead of blood, or if all the radioactive stuff she was working with had given her some sort of strange super power which made her need less sleep than a regular human.

Thanks to those sleeping habits, Holtzmann noticed that, without fail, Erin left the firehouse every Thursday at six, and didn’t return until one or two a.m.; the physicist always tried to be quiet when she came back, but the engineer noticed every time, even if Erin didn’t need to go through her lab to get to the bedroom.

It made her wonder if Erin knew that she knew, or if the redhead had no idea that the engineer had picked up on her weekly excursions God knew where.

“Hey Abby”, Holtzmann decided to try and find out after eight weeks, weeks during which Erin had gone out every single Thursday, “you know where Erin goes each Thursday?”

“No”, Abby replied with a shrug, “and no, I am not gonna ask her for you. Ask her yourself if you really wanna know, but I imagine she’d tell us if she’d want us to know.”

“You’re no fun”, Holtzmann pouted, making the researcher shrug; considering how hard Erin tried though to not let anyone notice when she came back, the engineer figured that simply asking her wouldn’t do much good, and that there was only one way to find out what Erin was doing every Thursday night.

And so, when the next Thursday approached, Holtzmann followed Erin when she left the firehouse at six, making sure the physicist wouldn’t notice her, and having told neither Abby, nor Patty what she had planned, so they might not get the idea to warn Erin about Holtzmann spying on her.

Perhaps, she thought as she made sure to stay out of sight when Erin got onto the subway, this wasn’t the nicest thing to do – Abby had had a good point when she’d said that Erin would have told them, had she wanted them to know – but everything Erin Gilbert said and did intrigued Holtzmann, and so, she knew that she wouldn’t be able to just drop this, but simply had to find out.

Suffice to say, she was quite surprised when Erin entered a bar a few minutes from the subway station at which she’d gotten off the train; the place apparently wasn’t open for the public yet, only making Holtzmann more curious, and so, she hung around until finally, at eight, the bar opened.

The muscular bouncer at the door eyed her as he told her that she had pay five dollars admittance; Holtzmann willingly handed the cash over, looking around curiously as she entered the bar afterwards.

It was a small place, and not very well lit, but not dirty or run-down; there was a short bar, manned by an elder chubby man, a little dancefloor and a few booths and free-standing tables, and there was a stage, a sign on it proclaiming that a Miss Fanny Gates would be on stage tonight.

Holtzmann, being Holtzmann, immediately recognized the name as one of the more prolific female physicists of her time, and her heart skipped an excited beat.

But certainly this couldn’t be why Erin had gone to this place, she then reasoned with herself while she got a beer at the bar, then moved to sit in one of the booths farther back, just in case; she sat and waited for a while, the bar slowly filling up, and by the time the barkeep stepped on stage at half past nine and announced the evening’s singer, almost every seat was taken.

The guests applauded and cheered at the mention of the singer’s name, and Holtzmann shifted nervously in her seat, wondering if it really would be Erin or if the redhead was doing something else in this place, work for the singer perhaps or maybe she knew the barkeep; she couldn’t quite imagine anxious and sometimes uptight Erin to sing on a stage like this, and so, she was very surprised when it was indeed the physicist who stepped out once the applause had died down.

Holtzmann was glad she hadn’t been drinking the moment Erin stepped on stage, because she was quite sure she would have choked.

She had seen Erin in her conservative professor outfits, and in her more casual wear of jeans and shirts; she never had seen Erin in the sort of dress the redhead was wearing right now, a red cocktail dress which ended just above her knees and left her shoulders and arms bare, her hair up in a complicated up-do, and she looked so stunning that it took Holtzmann’s breath away.

And then, after a brief greeting to the guests, Erin started to sing, and Holtzmann felt as if she had to hold on to the table so she wouldn’t fall out of the booth.

She had heard Erin sing before, lowly under her breath along to the radio, but never like this; and only now she realized how good the physicist’s voice actually was, her heart clenching up at the slower songs, making her fall in love with the other woman all over again.

Holtzmann sat mesmerized for the one and a half hours Erin sang, feeling as if she had stumbled into some alternate, but wonderful reality; the time passed way too fast, and somehow, she remembered to slip out once Erin’s set was over, not wanting the physicist to catch her – not yet, at least, she thought to herself, a plan slowly forming in her mind for next Thursday.

* * *

 

Each Thursday, when she stepped out onto the stage not as Dr Erin Gilbert, but as Fanny Gates, Erin forgot all about her anxieties and worries what other people might think of her; she basked in the applause she got, knowing that by now, there were people who came specifically to see her.

She had been doing this for a while, and so far, had been sure that she had managed to keep it secret from her colleagues and friends; sometimes, she wondered what they would say though, if they knew.

She especially wondered what Holtzmann would say, if the blonde would be impressed or even admire her; Abby, she knew, would be shocked, and Patty would probably find it awesome, but what Erin really wanted to know was what Holtzmann would think.

It seemed unthinkable though to simply tell her friends what she was doing each Thursday night, and so, she kept it secret, singing for completely strangers instead, people who only ever saw her up on stage and never got to know more about her than what she let them see during those one and a half hours each Thursday night.

Like each night, the audience was captivated as she sang for them, going through her usual mix of slow love songs and a bit faster mid-tempo songs; after the set, she as always made sure to wait a while before she’d leave through the backdoor, not wanting to run into any admirers – she enjoyed the applause when she was up on stage, but she felt awkward and insecure again whenever someone complimented her in private.

To her relief, nobody was lurking at the exit, Erin doubting that many people actually knew where the backdoor was located at all; she still glanced around, just to be on the safe side, then made her way around the building, eager to get to the subway and return to the firehouse.

Erin stopped dead in her tracks though when she stepped around the corner and saw Holtzmann wait for her there – and not only was the engineer smiling brightly at her, but she was holding a bouquet of flowers, her smile only widening when she stepped closer to the stunned physicist.

“My admiration, Dr Gilbert”, she said, holding the flowers out to the staring Erin, “or should I say Miss Gates? That was amazing. You’re amazing.”

“Thank you?” Erin replied, blushing as she took the flowers, “how did you…?”

“Don’t be mad”, Holtzmann gave back, now looking a bit bashful and even shuffling her feet, “I, uh… followed you last week? I wanted to know what you were doing each Thursday. Needless to say, I was stunned. Still am.”

“Oh”, Erin let out, not sure what to think of this – had it been anyone else, she probably would have been annoyed or even angry, but Holtzmann looked so cute as she stood there, and she had brought her flowers… and that she had come alone told the physicist that she hadn’t filled Abby and Patty in on what she had found out, turning her secret into theirs.

“I’d love you to sing for me some day”, Holtzmann said once she figured Erin wouldn’t explode at her for snooping after her like that, “if you’d like to?”

“Why don’t we sing a duet”, Erin suggested in response, smiling as she took another step closer and surprised the engineer by taking hold of her arm; then, Holtzmann smiled back at her, and nodded, Erin’s smile widening at the quick agreement, suddenly not caring anymore at all that Holtzmann knew her secret now.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok so, UselessLesbianLaughter thought of Erin singing this song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zX0gDdZFiJ4 and it is SO PERFECT. Thank you for this!! :D


	54. How To Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Based on this tumblr prompt: Heard this song from Cash Cash feat. Sofia Reyes titled 'How to Love'. I love the part that goes, "But love, pray for me. I never had somebody, so I don't know how to love. I know I need somebody, so I can learn how to love." It got me every time & I imagine holtzbert.

_“For me the purpose of life is to love and to love is what you have shown me.”_

Erin often thought of the speech Holtzmann had made when she couldn’t sleep – something which happened much more regularly than it probably should, her anxieties and worries often keeping her awake even now, after the move to the firehouse and the receiving of government funding – and of the way Holtzmann had looked at her when she had said those words.

At first, she had tried to tell herself that the engineer hadn’t been looking right at her, hadn’t been speaking more to her than to Abby and Patty – not that Holtzmann didn’t love those two, as well, but by now, Erin was quite sure it wasn’t the same kind of love the engineer felt for her.

Holtzmann, she thought, loved Abby and Patty as friends, perhaps even like sisters, but her love for Erin was decidedly more on the romantic side of the spectrum, and by now, Erin couldn’t deny this any longer.

It showed in so many different ways, after all, the physicist thought to herself as she laid awake yet again, in her sterile, white and grey apartment which looked more like a hotel room than a place she’d actually had had for years; and now that she had admitted it to herself, and knew what to look for, she couldn’t miss a single one of them.

There was the way Holtzmann looked at her, and _only_ at her, with such warmth and adoration; she’d always let Erin choose the new weapons first on Testing Day, she knew the way the physicist took her coffee by now – often bringing some to her desk when she went to get a fresh cup for herself – and how the engineer always tried to make her smile and laugh, with snappy one-liners and goofy dance moves.

It showed in many different ways that Holtzmann was head over heels in love with her, and Erin wasn’t quite sure how to handle that.

She was honest enough with herself, in these dark hours of the night, that the attraction Holtzmann clearly felt for her wasn’t one-sided; she had been hoping that she’d stop blushing and giggling at the flirting at some point, but it only seemed to get worse as time passed, and each time the engineer did something nice for her, gave her a new weapon or brought her coffee, she couldn’t stop herself from beaming brightly at the blonde.

So, she laid awake at night, thinking about Holtzmann, about what the blonde felt for her and the feelings she had for her; and thanks to the hours this kept her awake, she felt tired and drained when she arrived at the firehouse the next day, but still smiled when she found a cup of coffee waiting for her on her desk, just the way she liked it with a splash of milk and two spoons of sugar, a post-it with her name and a smiley face with goggles drawn on it stuck to the cup’s side.

“Good morning, hot stuff”, Holtzmann greeted her as she came strolling into the lab, munching on a muffin, only to raise an eyebrow as she got a closer look at Erin, “yowza. I might have to get you another coffee later today, you okay? You look all tired.”

The physicist shrugged, not sure what to respond – after all, she could hardly tell Holtzmann that she hadn’t slept much because she had been thinking about how much the engineer might love her and how she returned these feelings; she was sure that the smaller woman wouldn’t react badly, but she wasn’t as convinced about she herself would handle it.

It was somewhat infuriating, Erin thought to herself, how conflicted her emotions were; on one hand, she wanted to tell Holtzmann that she wanted her, too, wanted to tell her this so badly, but on the other hand, the thought of acting on what she felt terrified her, four decades of repression demanding their toll now and leaving her with a whirlwind of emotions she wasn’t sure she’d be able to withstand for long.

To her relief, her shrug apparently was enough for Holtzmann; the engineer looked at her in concern, but didn’t inquire further, moving on to her own desk instead, and as she started to work there, Erin wondered if she was aware of the physicist unable to stop watching her, and what she would make of that knowledge.

* * *

 

True to her word, Holtzmann brought her another coffee, yet again prepared just the way she liked it; she smiled and winked at her as she put it down on her desk, but when she turned to leave, Erin, following a sudden impulse too strong to withstand, grabbed her wrist, stopping her from walking away.

“You wanted to know if I’m okay”, she said, before the engineer had the chance to ask her what was going on, “and, well… I am, and am not. It’s… complicated.”

“Can I help?” Holtzmann wanted to know, lowering herself onto the edge of Erin’s desk; she ended up sitting on several sheets of paper with calculations and equations on them, but while this normally would have bothered or annoyed her, Erin couldn’t have cared less in this very moment.

“Yes. No. I don’t know”, she sighed, earning another concerned look from the blonde, “it’s just… I’m not unaware that you have feelings for me. And I have feelings for you, too, I’m not giggling and blushing like a school girl whenever you flirt with me for no reason.”

“Alright”, Holtzmann replied, Erin immediately picking up on how carefully controlled the engineer sounded, “that… doesn’t sound complicated to me though. Am I missing something?”

“I’m going to mess it up”, Erin blurted in response, earning a confused look from the blonde, “and I don’t want that, you don’t deserve that, you deserve better than a neurotic mess like me, I…”

“Hey”, Holtzmann said, a bit startled as she noticed how Erin’s breath quickened, “no, don’t think like that. Erin, please, you don’t think I’m the paragon for perfect relationships, do you? We can figure this out together.”

“I’ve never been with anyone who truly meant so much to me”, the physicist brought out in response, suddenly feeling close to tears, “Hell, you saw the guy I dated before… we met. I just was with him because people expect women my age to have a boyfriend or even husband, and he was there and seemed interested enough, so I went with it. I didn’t love him, and I’m quite sure he didn’t love me, either… Sad as it may sound, I’m not sure I ever truly loved someone until…”

She trailed off, not sure if she could say it, if it wouldn’t be too early or too much; Holtzmann was smiling though, a warm and tender smile which made her heart clench up, and reached out to grasp her hand, her touch just as gentle as the look on her face and the tone of her voice when she replied.

“It’s okay”, she reassured the physicist, “I’ve been in love with your mind long before I ever saw you. I think I already loved you by the time I finished reading the book. And we can figure this out together, alright? If you want to.”

“I want to”, Erin gave back at once, all the insecurity suddenly gone from her voice; Holtzmann had another moment to smile at her, then the redhead got up from her chair and captured her lips in a tender kiss, all at once just sure that Holtzmann was right – this might be new for both of them, but they would figure this out together, and make it work.

They both were geniuses, after all.


	55. Speechless

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Based on this tumblr prompt: What about a fic where Holtz has aphasia and can't talk?   
> Me being me, I might add more to this on some point. I hope this is what the sender was hoping for :)

Erin is all anger and indignation as she enters the horribly cramped lab at that sorry excuse for a college; if she hadn’t been so angry about what Abby has done, she might have felt bad for her former friend ending up in a place like this, but that would lessen her anger, and so, she doesn’t let that emotion surface.

“You put the book online, without my permission”, she accuses, nearly exploding when Abby has the gall to her that she doesn’t need her permission; and then, to make it even worse, Abby marches off to yell at the delivery service about her soup, and just leaves her standing there.

Erin’s fuming, and not willing to leave, so she stays just where she is, willing herself to keep her calm and not smash something as she waits for Abby to get done; and just when her hands clench into fists anyway, the heavy thump of boots comes from behind her, and she jumps, startled to realize that some third person has been in the lab with Abby and her the whole time.

It’s a woman, she realizes as she turns, heart racing in her chest, younger than her, dressed quite weirdly in overalls splattered with paint and scorch marks here and there; next, Erin takes note of the mess of blonde curls on her head, then of the yellow-tinted glasses, and finally, of the smirk curling the stranger’s lips as their eyes meet.

“I’m sorry, you startled me”, Erin says, trying to hide how fast her heart is actually racing in her chest and that her hands are trembling, “um, who, who’re you?”

“Holtzmann”, Abby says from behind her, and makes her jump _again_ , Jesus Christ, “she works here in the lab with me. Brilliant engineer, we are actually making the things we only theorized in our book a reality. We’re very close to finishing the reverse tractor beam.”

“You’re building a reverse tractor beam?” Erin asks, sounding too enthusiastic, she realizes the moment the words have left her mouth, but it’s too late to correct that; she clears her throat, feeling her cheeks heat up when Holtzmann winks at her, and why does she react like that, anyway, giving her best to sound light-hearted when she continues. “Um, anyway, nice to meet you, I guess, Dr Holtzmann. Not a woman of many words?”

She doesn’t know why she said that, she really doesn’t, it hasn’t been with malicious intent, she wasn’t thinking (for an alleged genius, she puts her foot in her mouth like that way too often).

She doesn’t know, but she can see that it has been the most wrong thing she could have said, from the brief flash of hurt on Holtzmann’s face and the way Abby’s features harden.

“Aphasia”, is all the researcher tells her, and Erin wants to sink into the ground; she can feel her cheeks burning as she mumbles an apology, words Holtzmann waves aside with a brief gesture of one hand, and she wants to know how that happened, but she knows it’s not her place to ask, and especially not after that faux pas right now.

That short conversation has taken all her anger away though, and so, when Abby asks her why she even was looking for the book if she doesn’t believe in ghosts anymore, she just shrugs, all at once unable to keep the tiredness out of her voice when she replies, but not caring anymore, either. “A man came to see me at my work, claiming his building’s haunted.”

“Which building?!” Abby asks, sounding excited, and Holtzmann’s face lights up, as well; figuring that telling them won’t hurt, Erin tells them, and then makes a deal with Abby, she’ll introduce them and in return, Abby will take the book down, at least until Erin got her tenure. She feels like this is all she can ask for at this point, and she’s glad, certain that things will work out, and that she’ll never have to see Abby or Holtzmann again after this day.

* * *

 

_Never see them again. Right._ Erin smiles to herself as she sits on the roof of the Chinese restaurant – she’s not sure she’s supposed to be up here, but she wanted some peace and quiet, for a little bit, and so she’s retreated to the only quiet place of the building she could think of.

The nightly air is colder than she’s expected, but she doesn’t let that stop her; she moves away from the door and looks up at the sky, studying the night sky, thinks about the twists and turns her life has taken in the past few days.

Not even a week ago, she thinks, she was on tenure track at Columbia; now, she’s a Ghostbuster, they actually captured a ghost, she can prove now that she’s not crazy, that she’s been right all this time, and she smiles to herself at the thought, her smile widening as she thinks of her team mates – her _friends_ – downstairs, Abby and Patty and Holtzmann, the four of them forming a strange, but effective group.

As if her thoughts work as a sort of summoning, she hears the door behind her open, and turns to look; and she’s not even truly surprised that it’s Holtzmann who comes to join her up here. She doesn’t know the engineer well yet, they haven’t worked together long enough yet, but she knows that sometimes, Holtzmann needs some peace and quiet much like she does.

She wonders, then, if hearing others talk while being unable to herself is harder for the blonde than she lets on; she knows by now that Holtzmann is capable of making noise, and not completely mute, but whatever has happened to her has left her unable to actually form words – on good days, and with quite the force of will, she can repeat what others say first, but not even that works all the time, and Erin quickly has learned that she prefers to simply not talk at all and communicate in other ways.

“Hey”, she says, and smiles, while she thought that Holtzmann is quite weird at first, she by now appreciates the engineer and her eccentricities and sees her as a friend, the blonde smiling back at her, “you want some alone time up here? I can go…”

She’s always making sure to ask Yes / No questions when she wants to know something from Holtzmann – the blonde doesn’t mind scribbling on a notepad she carries everywhere to communicate, but Erin wants to make this as easy as possible for her, and she can tell that Holtzmann appreciates this, from the way she smiles whenever Erin does this and from how her eyes light up.

They also light up when she simply looks at Erin, in that certain way she seems to have reserved for her and only her, never looking at Abby or Patty like that, but Erin isn’t ready to acknowledge this, not yet.

Holtzmann shakes her head, signalling she doesn’t need or want Erin to go; the physicist smiles back at her, then looks up at the sky again as Holtzmann moves to stand next to her, and after half a minute of a silence which isn’t uncomfortable, Erin speaks up, sounding wistful, gaze still focused on the sky above.

“You know”, she says, making Holtzmann look at her, “when I was little… when I had all these troubles with my parents and therapy and the ghost, I sometimes wondered what it’d be like to just… fly away. Like a bird. Take off into the sky and be gone.”

Holtzmann keeps looking at her, but it’s not a scrutinizing look, it’s one filled with understanding and compassion – not pity, Erin’s not sure she would have been able to take pity – and not for the first time, Erin wonders what has happened to the blonde, what has taken her speech away, if it always has been like that or if a specific incident caused it, and admires the strong person the engineer still is, despite this hardship.

“Now I don’t want to do this anymore”, she continues, making Holtzmann smile a bit, “because I’ve got you guys in my life, and everything we do together… I’m happy to be here.”

She wonders if Holtzmann hears the unspoken truth behind this little anecdote – _I’ve thought about killing myself -,_ and apparently, she does, because her gaze softens, and she places one hand on Erin’s shoulder, giving it a brief, but tender squeeze… and then Erin follows a sudden impulse, and turns to hug the other woman tightly, squeezing her eyes shut against tears which blur her sight all at once, Holtzmann wrapping both arms around her as she hugs her back.

Erin clings to her like to a lifeline, breathing deeply and controlled to hold back the tears, but when she feels Holtzmann rub her back, the dam breaks, and she cries, she doesn’t even truly know why she cries, but she does. Perhaps, she dully thinks, she cries for a childhood which could have been so much better, and for all the years she spent lonely and with a sadness so deep she wasn’t even aware it was there… and with relief, because now, things are finally, _finally_ getting better.

* * *

 

It’s been a week and Erin still can barely believe that they really did it, that they saved New York, perhaps the world, and are funded by the government now, and it’s all so unreal.

So she goes to the roof – a different roof this time, the one of the firehouse they moved into, with government money, that still seems so weird to her – and she’s not surprised to find Holtzmann up there, the engineer scribbling on her notepad, looking up at her though when she hears the redhead approach.

“Hey”, Erin says, smiling, “bad time?” Holtzmann shakes her head, and motions for the physicist to sit next to her; as she moves to sit next to her, Erin wonders if Holtzmann actually ever nodded when Erin has asked her if it’s a bad time or if she wants to be left alone, but all she remembers is the engineer letting her know that it’s okay for her to be there.

She turns to a fresh page of her notebook, and scribbles on it for a while, then turns it so Erin can read what she wrote – she had a bit of trouble with that, at first, Holtzmann’s handwriting isn’t the prettiest, but by now, she got used to it, and can easily read the few words the blonde has written.

_Never a bad time for you, hot stuff._

Erin blushes at reading that – Holtzmann has given them all nicknames, and hers makes her blush each time she reads it, without fail – and earns a smirk from the blonde for that; after a moment, she smiles back at her, then the engineer focuses on her notepad again, scribbling on it once more before holding it out for Erin to read.

_If you want to know how it happened, I can let you know._

Erin knows how much this means – Abby has told her a while ago that she knows, but that it’s not her place to tell, and that it took Holtzmann months to open up to her about it, and so, she hasn’t asked, but she nods now, fully expecting the engineer to bend back over the notepad and write it down.

Instead, Holtzmann takes tender hold of her hand and leads it to her head; and after a moment, Erin’s fingertips encounter a sort of dent hidden beneath the mess of curls, and the roughness of scar tissue, and her stomach clenches as she tries to imagine how bad that injury must have been.

_Lab incident,_ Holtzmann does write now, and now Erin’s throat feels tight, too, _was in a coma for five months. Woke up and couldn’t talk properly anymore._

“I’m sorry, Holtz”, Erin replies, she’s not sure it’s the right thing to say, but it’s the truth, and thankfully, the engineer seems fine with it, just shrugging; belatedly, Erin realizes that she has started moving her fingers through Holtzmann’s hair, but the other woman doesn’t seem to mind much.

With her breath hitching in her throat, the physicist lets her hand glide down, so that her palm comes to rest at the back of Holtzmann’s neck; she doesn’t need to apply any pressure, the engineer moves closer on her own accord, and their lips meet, a gust of wind coming up as if in reaction to this rooftop kiss.

When they pull apart again, Erin is smiling, and so is Holtzmann; and no words are needed as Erin intertwines her fingers with the engineer’s, feels her squeeze her hand tenderly, all worries and concerns about the things she feels for Holtzmann forgotten at how good and right this feels.


	56. Red Light Special

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Based on this tumblr prompt: Holtz is tipsy one night and is feeling kinda sad because she's REALLY wanting Erin, so she starts texting Erin lyrics from "Red Light Special" by TLC. It's 3 AM so next morning Holtz is like "WHAT HAVE I DONE?!" Meanwhile Erin is flustered and asks Patty & Abby what they think of it, and the other two already know that Holtz is super into Erin and vice versa. So then Holtz has to talk with Erin about the drunk texting.

In hindsight, getting drunk alone when she already was feeling sad about her unrequited love for a certain redheaded physicist probably hadn’t been one of Holtzmann’s best ideas.

And yet, here she was, drunk beyond reason, and sad, and unable to think of anything – or anyone else – than Erin, about how the sunlight made her hair shine, how she scrunched up her cute nose when Holtzmann did or said something funny, the fierce look of determination on her face when they were busting ghosts, the way she frowned adorably when she worked on her equations…

Holtzmann had it bad, and she knew it, but she couldn’t help herself. If she hadn’t been drunk, she might have managed to keep her emotions and her actions under control; as it was though, she found herself sniffling in her living room at three in the morning, and then her phone caught her eye, and before she could think about it, she grabbed it and started typing, the tiny voice of reason she hardly ever listened to on the best of days lost completely in a sea of alcohol and sadness.

* * *

 

When Erin got torn out of her sleep, she had no idea, at first, why she had woken up – it was still dark outside, and as she turned her head to look at her alarm clock with bleary eyes, she saw that it was a few minutes past three a.m., and she groaned to herself as she tried to figure out what exactly had torn her out of her sleep.

Then, her phone vibrated again on her nightstand, and she realized that this noise had been what had woken her up; her heart skipped a beat as she told herself that getting multiple texts at this hour couldn’t mean anything good, and as if to confirm this, her phone vibrated yet again.

A dozen unpleasant scenarios which could be the reason for these late night texts ran through Erin’s mind as she grabbed the phone and tapped the screen so it’d show her the messages; and moments later, she frowned to herself as she saw who had sent them – and what their content was.

_Holtz: Baby it’s yours, all yours_

_Holtz: If you want it tonight_

_Holtz: I’ll give you the redlight special_

_Holtz: All through the night_

“What the…”, Erin mumbled to herself, shaking her head; she held on to the phone a bit longer, feeling herself blush as she read through the messages again, but apparently, Holtzmann had nothing else to say, the phone remaining quiet, and after a few minutes had ticked by, Erin drifted off into an uneasy sleep, dreaming of blue eyes behind yellow glasses and a dimpled smile.

* * *

 

In the next morning, the first thing Erin asked after having greeted Abby and Patty was if Holtzmann was there yet; she didn’t miss the look they exchanged, then Abby told her that the engineer would show a bit later today, letting her know that she’d had a rather long night.

“I bet”, Erin mumbled, earning a raised eyebrow from her best friend; she flushed again as she pulled out her phone and wordlessly handed it to the researcher, Patty moving closer to get a good look, as well, both of them bursting into laughter once they had read the messages.

“Good Lord”, Patty was the first who recovered enough to speak, “she must have gotten so wasted to do that. But look, no typos! Autocorrect is a blessing, even if it’s used to send TLC lyrics.”

“What?” Erin gave back, raising an eyebrow; Patty gawked at her, then exclaimed that it was a shame Erin didn’t know this song and that she’d play it to her after breakfast.

“Okay, if you say so”, Erin mumbled, feeling herself flush again as she continued, “but why would Holtz send me… this?”

“Erin, honey”, Abby replied with a shake of her head, “don’t be offended, but please, come on, I’ve told you, she’s into you! Just like you’re into her! She drunk-texted you what’s basically a booty call invitation. Please, for the love of Tesla, _please_ finally talk to her, this pining from both of you has gone on long enough.”

Erin wondered if too much blushing could be dangerous for her health as she felt herself redden even deeper; while Holtzmann had sent her drunk texts, she had ended up calling Abby drunk one night, not too long ago, and had lamented her love for Holtzmann and that certainly, the engineer didn’t return these feelings, and ever since then, both Abby and Patty had tried to convince her that Holtz did have feelings for her too and that she should go for it.

“Maybe she didn’t mean it if she was drunk”, Erin still tried to deflect; Abby responded by letting her head drop down onto the table, and Patty just shook her head, then declared that it was time to play the song to Erin now, the physicist following her to her computer a bit hesitatingly, still not quite sure what to think of this.

* * *

 

“Um, Erin?” Holtzmann mumbled quite a while later; she’d looked tired and drained when she had come in, and had paled even further when she had seen Erin, having hidden away in her lab for hours afterwards, looking worried as she approached the physicist now.

“Yes?” Erin gave back, giving her best to sound friendly and perhaps even a bit encouraging; apparently, Holtzmann missed this though, tugging at her ear before her gaze dropped down to the floor and the words came out in a stilted rush, making it more than obvious how uncomfortable she was.

“Um, about the stuff I sent last night”, she began, missing how Erin’s cheeks reddened again, “I’m sorry, I was drunk and not thinking and I don’t know why I did that, I’m sorry if it made you uncomfortable, that wasn’t my intention, it won’t happen again I promise.”

She cleared her throat, then turned to hurry back upstairs; she felt Erin’s eyes on her back, only feeling worse when the physicist didn’t say anything though, and by the time she had made it back to the lab, she felt like crying about what she had done, wondering if she had messed her friendship with Erin up for good now, if this had been too bad to let it slide.

Then, her phone buzzed on the table, and Holtzmann frowned when she saw it was a text; for a moment, she felt like ignoring it, then figured she might as well look, her heart skipping an excited beat at what the phone’s display showed her.

_Hot Stuff Erin: I know that you want me I can see it in your eyes_

_Hot Stuff Erin: You might as well be honest cause the body never lies_

_Hot Stuff Erin: Tell me your secrets and I’ll tell you mine_

_Hot Stuff Erin: ;) <3 Turn around_

Confused and intrigued, Holtzmann turned, and there, just a few feet away, Erin stood, phone in hand; the redhead smiled at her, a shy and insecure smile, and all Holtzmann could do was stare when the physicist then got moving, closing the distance between them until they stood so close to each other that their bodies were almost touching.

“It might be a bit early for a redlight special”, she said, simultaneously sliding her phone back into her pocket, then running her fingers down Holtzmann’s bare forearm, leaving goosebumps in their wake, “but I would like to kiss you now?”

“Excellent”, was all the engineer could think of to say; Erin laughed, the sound warming the blonde’s heart – before she moved one hand to cup Holtzmann’s jawline, and kissed her, Holtzmann kissing her back at once, wrapping both arms around her, unable to hold back a smile as she marvelled that a few lines she’d texted while drunk had led to this fulfilment of her deepest desire.


	57. Memories of Another Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Based on this tumblr prompt: Holtzmann had a rough/abusive/unhappy/somehow bad childhood, and it somehow comes out to the others.   
> It mostly comes out to Erin because I'm Holtzbert trash, but I hope it's enjoyable anyway :)

“I don’t understand how you do not have heartburn all year round”, Erin commented as she watched how Holtzmann practically inhaled her food; the engineer shrugged, then took another big bite of her burger, taking the time to chew and swallow though before she responded.

“Can’t help it”, she let the redhead know, “I don’t know how they do it, but they do know how to make the best burgers I’ve ever eaten.”

Erin smiled fondly at her in response, earning a toothy grin in response; she leaned in for a brief, but tender kiss, only to grimace as Holtzmann’s lips were greasy and she tasted of burger and ketchup, the engineer chuckling at how Erin scrunched up her nose once she had pulled back.

“No more smoochies until you are done”, the physicist told her partner, earning a pout and a “Awww” in response; too late, Erin realized that this would only spur Holtzmann on to eat even faster, and that was exactly what the engineer did, until Erin feared she might end up choking.

“I’m not sure I still remember how to do the Heimlich manoeuvre”, she warned the blonde, “so in case you choke, someone else will have to do it.”

“No worries, Rose knows how to”, Holtzmann replied, then raised her voice towards the counter of the small diner they had gone to for lunch; Erin remembered the first time they had been here, shortly after Holtzmann and she had started dating, and how touched she had been when she had realized how well the people working there knew her partner and how long Holtzmann had been coming here already – and thus, how much it meant that she had brought Erin to meet these people.

“Rose, you know the Heimlich, right”, the engineer was calling out to one of said people, the elderly owner of the diner; she looked like Erin would imagine a picture-book grandma to look, chubby and rosy-cheeked and with her grey hair up in a bun, a smile on the elder woman’s face when she replied.

“I certainly do”, she let the couple know, Holtz beaming back at her, “and you wouldn’t believe how often I actually already had to use it. Something about our burgers makes people just wolf them down.”

“It’s cause they’re soooooo goooooood”, Holtzmann sighed, taking another bite; Rose gave her another smile, then the little bell above the door signalled another customer entering, Holtzmann taking another big bite of her burger while Erin stole a fry from her plate, giving her a look of pure innocence at the way the blonde raised an eyebrow at her.

“Coffee and a pie to go please”, the new customer ordered at the counter, and Holtzmann, to Erin’s shock and alarm, froze, eyes briefly widening behind her yellow glasses.

Not quite sure what was happening, Erin looked at the man – an elder guy, grey hair, in a suit which was as stiff as his posture; he wasn’t looking in their direction, but Holtzmann was staring at him, the food in front of her forgotten, Erin’s concern only growing when she took note of how the engineer’s hand closed around her glass, tight enough to make the physicist fear that she might break it.

“Hey”, she said in a hushed voice, suddenly just knowing that gaining the man’s attention would be a bad idea and might only make things worse, “Holtz? What is it?”

She put her hand over Holtzmann’s, trying to get her to relax her grip on the glass; the only response she got was that the engineer gave a brief, terse shake of her head, only relaxing when the man had been given his order and had left the diner.

“I’m done”, Holtzmann mumbled the moment the door had fallen close behind him, pushing her plate away from herself as if for emphasis; Rose came to remove it, looking at the blonde in concern, as well, her obvious worry only growing when the engineer paid without another word, then got up from her seat, almost storming out of the diner, Erin hurriedly following her with an apologetic glance at the concerned owner, asking herself what the Hell was happening and who this man had been that his mere presence would shake her girlfriend up like that.

* * *

 

Once they had made it back to the firehouse, Holtzmann immediately mumbled something about having work to do and vanished upstairs; and even though her girlfriend’s upset state made Erin hurt for her, she knew better than to follow her right away, well aware that Holtzmann needed some time before she’d be able to talk about what was bothering her.

The upstairs lab remained unsettlingly quiet during the time Erin forced herself to stay away from it; and when she finally, after a bit more than an hour, made her way up to the second floor, she quickly saw why, Holtzmann sitting at one of the windows and looking outside, playing with her pendant in that absent-minded way which told Erin that she was thinking about something unpleasant.

“Holtz?” Erin softly made her presence known, just in case the blonde had been too deep in thought to her hear come upstairs; the other woman briefly glanced at her, then looked out the window again, shaking her head when Erin asked her if she should leave her alone again, the physicist moving over to her in response and putting one arm around her shoulders, a bit relieved when Holtz snuggled up to her immediately.

“Want to talk about it?” Erin asked after having held her in silence for a while, rubbing her upper arm and shoulder; Holtzmann shrugged, then sighed, keeping her gaze fixed on the world outside as she replied. “I don’t know. It’s stupid.”

“If it upsets you like this, it’s not stupid”, Erin reassured her, pulling her a bit closer and pressing a tender kiss to her temple, “but you don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to or if it makes you uncomfortable.”

For a while longer, Holtzmann remained silent, but from how tense she was, Erin could tell that she was working up the nerve to speak; and just when she wanted to tell her that it was alright, that she didn’t need to tell her anything if it made her so uncomfortable, Holtzmann did speak up, not saying much, but just enough to break Erin’s heart.

“He was head of one the foster homes”, the engineer said tonelessly, Erin just pulling her closer – she knew that Holtzmann’s parents had died when she had been a toddler, and that her childhood hadn’t been pretty, but the engineer never had told her any details, and she never had pried, figuring that Holtz would tell her if she’d want her to know, and that it wasn’t important for their relationship if she didn’t reveal more of her past than what she already had told them.

“He was smart”, Holtzmann went on, still staring out the window, “quick to beat us, but always so that it left no traces. But even if he slipped up and hit too hard or at the wrong spot, he wouldn’t let it get out, he concussed me one time and wouldn’t let me go to the hospital. I was puking for days.”

She had said all these things in an oddly emotionless voice, as if she was recounting something unimportant and not a horrifying aspect of her childhood; at the last few words though, her voice wavered just the tiniest bit, just enough to let Erin notice, and immediately, the physicist pulled her girlfriend closer, now rubbing her back in soothing circles, knowing her well enough to know that this little waver had shown how much the memories still hurt.

“I’m sorry, Holtz”, she thus said, never ceasing the tender rubbing of the other woman’s back, “but thank you for telling me, I know that was hard for you. If there’s anything I can do to help…”

“Right after I got out of there, I would have asked you to blow up his car, with him in it”, Holtzmann mumbled in reply, resting her head on Erin’s shoulder with a small sigh, “but I know he’s not worth it. His reign of terror is one of the reasons I eat like that, by the way. You took too long, it was taken away, or other kids took it from you, and he’d do nothing.”

Erin could have smacked herself in this moment for her thoughtless comment about Holtzmann’s eating habits; and apparently, the engineer picked up on it, raising her head to smile at her, a weak smile much unlike her usual, almost manic grins, but a smile nonetheless.

“Don’t feel bad”, she told the redhead, demonstrating that she knew her just as well by now, “you didn’t know, and I know you didn’t say it to be mean.”

“I wouldn’t have said it if I had known”, Erin told her, still feeling bad; the engineer shrugged, then rested her head on her shoulder again, sighing to herself, sounding a bit sheepish when she spoke up again. “Sorry for getting so bummed out about this. I shouldn’t let it get to me like that…”

“Don’t feel sorry about this”, Erin told her at once, briefly tightening her hug around her, “nobody should have to go through something like that, and it’s perfectly normal and alright to still be affected by this. You have nothing to feel sorry for.”

She bent down to gently kiss the engineer, glad when Holtzmann kissed her back at once; and then, she just held the blonde, and rubbed her back, determined to make her feel better and show her that she was loved and valued, that her past was behind her and she’d never would have to go through something like this again.


	58. Sky High

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Based on this tumblr prompt: Holtz and Erin go to a funfair and get stuck at the top of a Ferris wheel!

“Holtzmann, no.” Erin had the feeling that she had said these words roughly a dozen times already that day; Holtzmann was unperturbed though, her bright smile never wavering as she tugged at the other woman’s arm.

“Come on Erin, please?” she apparently wasn’t willing to give up so fast, “just that one ride, pleeaaase. Abby won’t go on that one with me and Patty already went on three others.”

“But I don’t like those fast ones”, Erin grimaced, watching the ride Holtzmann had pointed out in dismay; the carts were moving way too fast for her liking, and even went upside-down, the physicist already imagining herself throwing up at the mere sight, not wanting to imagine how she might feel, should she really go on that ride with the blonde.

She should have known this would happen, she thought to herself, they all should have known – Holtzmann was very much in contact with her inner child, and going to this fun fair had brought said inner child out with full force, the engineer practically bouncing on the spot as she looked at all the rides and games and food stalls with shining eyes.

It was completely adorable and endearing, it was not helping Erin with her crush on the blonde at all, but she was quite certain that throwing up all over the engineer in that dreadful ride would most definitely not be helpful with making Holtzmann see that she had feelings for her.

There was another ride though, Erin realized, which might be much more helpful for making her feelings known than the fast and wild one Holtzmann had been endeared by.

“You know what”, she thus said, making the engineer look at her, “I’m not gonna on this ride with you, because it’ll make me puke, but I’ll ride the Ferris wheel with you if you like.”

“Okay”, Holtzmann agreed quickly, missing how Abby raised an eyebrow at the physicist – after all, Abby was perfectly aware of Erin’s crush on the team’s mad scientist, the way she mouthed “Subtle” at her prompting the redhead to clear her throat and blush a bit.

“Have fun, you two”, Abby said, unable to hold back a slight smirk, Holtzmann apparently not picking up on it though; Patty wished them the same, then asked the researcher if she was up for a drink, and the two hurried off, leaving Erin and Holtzmann to their own devices.

“To the Ferris wheel, then”, Holtzmann cried, grabbing Erin’s hand, and making her wonder if she was aware of the jolt she sent through her arm all the way up to her shoulder with that; she was unable to hold back a somewhat dorky grin as she felt Holtzmann’s fingers curl around hers, walking with her willingly when the engineer led the way to the Ferris wheel.

As they waited in line, Erin was acutely aware of Holtzmann still holding on to her hand; the blonde made no move to let go of her though, and so, she didn’t, either, briefly allowing herself the fantasy that they weren’t standing in this line as teammates and friends, but as a couple, the mere thought making her smile widen.

She felt a bit miffed when the wait turned out far too short and she had to let go of Holtzmann’s hand after all; as they got into the cart, she wondered if she could risk taking hold of it again, but before she could come to a decision, the engineer answered that question for her, grasping her hand once more as the cart got moving.

Erin smiled at her, feeling her cheeks heat up; Holtzmann beamed back, then leaned back into the seat and raised her legs, letting out a “Woohoo!” which seemed quite unfitting for the Ferris wheel’s rather slow speed.

“This is fun”, she then added, beaming at Erin again, the smile making the physicist’s heart skip a beat, “thank you for going on this ride with me. I love rides and fairs, but I didn’t get to go much when I was younger.”

This casual comment as way more loaded than anyone else might have been aware of; Erin knew though, not knowing much of Holtzmann’s childhood and past, but enough, and so, she just smiled and squeezed the engineer’s hand, not wanting to say the wrong thing and ruin the moment.

And just then, when they reached the top of the wheel, as if something else was determined to ruin the moment for her, there was an audible crunch, and the wheel stopped moving.

“Oh oh”, Holtzmann commented, leaning forward in the seat to glance down, “that didn’t sound good.”

She was fairly casual about the whole thing, but quickly realized that Erin wasn’t – the physicist’s breath had quickened, and she was holding on to the safety rail with one hand in a white-knuckled grip, the other having tightened on Holtzmann’s fingers, her gaze fixed on some point on the horizon.

“Hey”, Holtz hurriedly said, “Erin. Erin, look at me? Please?”

It took a lot of willpower, but Erin managed to turn her head far enough so her eyes met the engineer’s, and she immediately felt a bit calmer and the genuine warmth and concern she could see in the other woman’s gaze.

“It’s gonna be okay”, Holtzmann told her, with a bright, warm smile, “they’re fixing this as we speak, I could see them run to the gearbox when I looked down. Until they did fix it, why don’t you tell me what you’re working on right now?”

Erin was smart enough to figure out what Holtzmann was doing – distracting her, keeping her mind occupied – but she was thankful for the engineer’s care, too, and started talking about the work she was doing at the firehouse; and as she spoke, she calmed down, her grip on Holtzmann’s hand and the safety bar loosening again and her racing heart slowing down.

“Thank you”, she thus interrupted her recollection of her work, “that really helped. Thanks.”

“No problem, hot stuff”, Holtzmann reassured her, with another warm and caring smile – and before she could stop herself, and worry what might happen if she just gave in to this sudden impulse, Erin leaned in and kissed her, Holtzmann’s lips warm and soft against her own, her heart picking up speed again when the engineer kissed her back after a moment of surprise.

This time though, it wasn’t panic which made her heart race, but pure happiness and bliss; and when the Ferris wheel got moving again a short while later, neither of them noticed.


	59. Yellow Glass

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Based on this tumblr prompt: How about Holtzy never told anyone why she wears glasses (sensitive eyes bc she born premature?) and why it has to be yellow (it comforts her?). She told Erin bc she falls in love & want her to know everything including her physical 'weakness'. Or something sounds like this haha.

Waking up next to Erin Gilbert, Holtzmann thought as she opened her eyes, was one of the best things in the world. Perhaps _the_ best thing.

It wasn’t the first time she woke up next to Erin, and she figured – and hoped – it wouldn’t be the last; it was one of the rare times that she was the first to wake up though, Erin still slumbering peacefully next to her, and she decided to make use of that, giving her best to move quietly as she got out of bed.

Still moving soundlessly, Holtzmann pulled on a pair of sweatpants and a loosely fitting old shirt, not bothering with underwear; she blinked against the bright light of a new day, then put on her glasses, the yellow lenses immediately soothing the glare, and by the time she had made her way to the kitchen, her eyes had adjusted, allowing her to see her surroundings in perfect clarity.

Not wanting to wake Erin up with the noise she’d make, Holtzmann closed the door, then got started on breakfast; she hummed softly to herself as she got the coffee machine started, moving to the fridge afterwards, happy to find eggs and ham there, smiling to herself as she carried the items to the stove, oddly touched that Erin had remembered to buy them, and thus had remembered which breakfast she liked best. (Well, which breakfast she liked best when making it herself, she’d take pancakes over ham and eggs any day, but the one time she had tried to make them herself, the kitchen had looked like a battlefield and she’d ended up with charred lumps of dough, so ham and eggs it was.)

As she stirred the food in the pan, Holtzmann kept humming to herself, jumping from one song to the next, however randomly they popped up in her mind; and just when the food was almost done, and she started to think about how she’d wake Erin up, the kitchen door opened and the physicist stepped into the room, smiling at the engineer, her eyes lighting up even further at the almost finished coffee and the pan on the oven.

“Good morning, babe”, Holtzmann greeted, briefly stepping away from the oven for a brief, but tender good morning kiss; afterwards, Erin wished her a good morning, as well, then peered at the pan, the smile she gave Holtzmann afterwards making the engineer’s heart sing.

“You’re the best”, Erin declared, pulling her in for another kiss; Holtzmann smirked and shrugged, then nodded when the physicist asked her if she should ready the coffee for both of them.

It didn’t take long until the food was done, too; and so, shortly after Erin had gotten up, the two sat at the physicist’s kitchen table, having breakfast in comfortable silence, smiling at each other every now and then, Erin only speaking up once she had cleared her plate.

“So”, she said, with an inviting smile which made Holtzmann’s heart skip a beat, “how about a shower now?”

“Sounds good”, Holtzmann agreed, smirking; technically, they had to go to work soon-ish, and it would be more efficient to shower one after the other, because they certainly would get distracted if they went in together, but that stopped neither Erin, nor her, and they made their way to the bathroom together once breakfast had been finished, Holtzmann putting her glasses on the rim of the sink before she stepped into the shower with Erin.

Just as anticipated, they got quite distracted with each other, and showered much longer than they would have on their own; they were relaxed and happy though when they stepped out of the shower again, Erin reaching for fresh towels, her mood shifting quickly though when she accidentally bumped Holtzmann’s glasses in the process and they fell.

Her hand shot out before she could think about, and she caught them; for a few seconds, she just stared, amazed at her quick reflexes – being a Ghostbuster certainly paid off in that aspect, too – then let out a heavy breath, eyes wide when she looked at her girlfriend.

“Wow”, Holtzmann commented, taking the glasses from her and putting them on, “that was impressive, hot stuff. And good, I think the store where I had these custom made closed years ago. Thanks.”

“Don’t thank me for not breaking them, because I dropped them in the first place”, Erin gave back, relieved that nothing had happened to the glasses; none of them, not even Abby, knew if Holtzmann actually needed them, but she had noticed how the blonde sometimes blinked or squinted when she wasn’t wearing them, and was quite sure by now that they weren’t a simple accessory.

“Well, you did, but you caught them, too”, Holtzmann pointed out, earning a wry smile from her girlfriend, “which is a real good thing because it’d suck to work without them.”

Her voice had taken on a hint of that stilted tone Erin knew to signal discomfort by now; she gave the engineer a hopefully calming look and touched her hand, trying to silently reassure her that she didn’t need to say more – she knew Holtzmann didn’t like it to show weakness, after a childhood during which doing so had always, _always_ resulted in pain and sadness, but apparently, the blonde had decided it was time to let her know, her gaze briefly flickering to the floor before she looked Erin in the eyes again.

Erin could tell what an effort this was for her, and loved her only more for it.

“I’m not blind without them”, Holtzmann told her, gaze never wavering, “but my eyes are kinda sensitive, doctor said it’s because I was born like a month too soon. Apparently, even baby me couldn’t be still in the same place for too long. Anyway… I could make do without them, but it’s easier to have them, and the yellow is kind of… comforting. I know that’s weird…”

“It’s not weird”, Erin reassured her at once, moving closer to embrace her, not caring that they both were still naked and somewhat wet, “it’s perfectly okay and good if it helps you. Thank you for telling me.”

“I wanted you to know”, Holtzmann mumbled as she hugged her back, “because I love you, and I want to know this part of me. And I know you’d never use that to be mean or hurtful, so…”

“Not in a million years”, Erin told her at once, gently kissing her afterwards, a slow and tender kiss, “it means a lot to me that you told me. I love you, too, and I never want to hurt you, Holtz.”

Holtzmann just smiled at her, then let out a “hrrrrngh” sort of noise in an attempt to get her emotions under control again; it hadn’t been easy to tell Erin this, but Erin knew, and valued that she had been told, and as the physicist held her close and kissed her again, Holtz was glad that she had revealed this part of herself to her girlfriend, knowing it had been the right thing to do.


	60. A Little Respect

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Based on this tumblr prompt: "kiss the pussy before you eat it, it’s respectful." But can you make it kinda cute? :D

Erin had gotten quite good at pretending to work while she actually was watching Holtzmann. She’d never get tired of watching the engineer work, she thought to herself as she peered past the screen of her laptop, gaze fixed on the other woman’s hands; she had been quite sure that this would lessen when Holtzmann and she had gotten together, but the exact opposite had happened.

Because now she knew that the engineer’s hands were not only skilled with her tools, but in other areas, too – Holtzmann was the first woman she’d ever slept with, and it still astounded her how good the engineer could make her feel with just a few touches and kisses.

And so, she watched Holtzmann work, watched her fingers move nimbly, and thought of how these fingers had moved over her skin, flushing at the mere memory.

She held back the urge to clear her throat, knowing the noise would make Holtzmann look at her, and then the blonde would see her reddened cheeks and would know at once what she was thinking of – perhaps not in exact detail, but the general gist of it – and the last time she had picked up on this, they had ended up making out on the couch, until Abby had walked in on them and had given them a stern talking-to about doing this during work hours.

(Not that this had helped much, they still made out during work hours, but they now gave their best to not get caught.)

Telling herself that she had to get some work done, Erin tried to focus on her laptop again, but her eyes kept returning to Holtzmann over and over; she was glad that it was already was late in the afternoon, because then, Abby and Patty would go home soon, and she’d have a chance for some alone time with her girlfriend.

And alone time, she realized, was quite needed as she shifted on her seat; she tried to remember the last time she had felt such desire for someone, and couldn’t, wondering what it said about her taste in men that none of them had inspired a need like this.

_Or maybe it’s because it’s Holtzmann,_ Erin thought to herself, somehow managing to keep her gaze on the laptop screen for a while, _you can’t deny that what you have with her is special._

She smiled a bit to herself at that thought, then finally forced herself to focus on her work; and she did manage to work with productivity for almost two hours, until Abby and Patty called up their goodbye – and the moment, Erin heard the firehouse door fall close behind them, she got up from her seat and walked to where Holtzmann was sitting, stopping behind her and placing both hands on her shoulders.

“Hey babe”, the engineer greeted her at once, putting down her soldering iron and leaning her head back so she could look at her, “just us now, huh?”

“Yes”, Erin gave back, bending down for a brief kiss before she continued, “just us. And you look awfully tense, maybe you should lie down on the couch a bit to relax? I’ll relax with you, I’ve stared at my laptop all day.”

“Subtle”, Holtzmann replied with a laugh, and Erin blushed a bit; she didn’t backpedal though, but simply shrugged, then smiled, her smile only widening when the engineer came to her feet.

“Couch it is then”, she stated, “you want some help with that relaxing you mentioned?”

“What do you have in mind?” Erin asked innocently as she led the way, stopping in front of the couch; and in response, Holtzmann dropped down onto it, then pulled her into her lap and kissed her deeply, the physicist kissing back at once, entangling both hands in her hair, a jolt running through her whole body when she felt the engineer run one hand up and down her back.

It didn’t take long until Erin’s shirt ended up on the floor, followed by her pants and, not long after those had gone, her underwear; and so, just a short while after they had settled down on the couch, she was lying on it, naked on her back, and Holtzmann was hurrying to get just as naked, moving to kneel between her legs afterwards.

And that was when Erin spoke without thinking, something which didn’t happen often to her, but which seemed to happen with alarming regularly whenever she was with Holtzmann. Apparently, the engineer made all her carefully placed and maintained filters shorten out.

“Holtzmann”, she said, just before the engineer could put her tongue to good use, “kiss the pussy before you eat it. It’s respectful.”

Holtzmann froze, and stared at her. For a few seconds, the engineer didn’t even blink, and Erin thought she had gone too far, had said something too crass, as impossible as that seemed when it came to Holtzmann.

Then, the engineer burst into laughter, laughing so hard that she actually made the couch tremble; and after a few moments, Erin giggled, too, even though she blushed brightly, having no idea where that had come from.

“I have no idea where that came from”, she told the blonde just that, her blush deepening, “I’m sorry?”

“Please don’t be”, Holtzmann told her, still interrupting herself with chuckles, “that was awesome and hilarious. Oh my God, I love you.”

“I love you, too”, Erin let her know, beaming; Holtzmann moved back up to kiss her, then smirked, a hint of mischief in her eyes when she spoke up once more. “So, I better kiss the pussy then, to be respectful. Right?”

“Right”, Erin replied solemnly, earning another snort of laughter; she grinned back at Holtzmann, kissing her once more before the engineer moved back down to show her respect.

She did so quite thoroughly, much to Erin’s delight.


	61. Last Name Basis

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Based on this tumblr prompt: bluerayofsunshine tumblr com/post/152210957731/taserbeanie-that-otp-that-calls-each-other-by I saw this and it made me think of Erin and Holtz. - That otp that calls each other by any other name but their first names  
> And then one of them gets hurt.

Sometimes, Erin actually forgot that Holtzmann had a first name. She wondered if this was weird, but couldn’t really help herself – except for the blonde’s mentor Dr Gorin, she’d never heard anyone call her Jillian, they all called her Holtzmann, Holtz or Holtzy, and Erin actually doubted she would have reacted, had one of the Ghostbusters referred to her by her first name.

Not even when Holtzmann and she started dating, Erin changed that – she’d been calling her Holtzmann and Holtz for months at this point, and it would have felt weird and even a bit wrong to call her something else. She only added a few pet names to the mix, but most of the time, the engineer was still Holtz, even when she made her cry out her name in the middle of the night.

Perhaps it might have been weird to other people, Erin figured, but for once, she didn’t care what others thought; and Holtzmann was perfectly fine with it, too, as she had told her one night when Erin had brought it up, as they were snuggling in her bed.

“Do you mind that everyone calls you by your last name, even me?” she asked, idly tracing invisible patterns on her lover’s stomach with her index finger, earning a shrug and a smirk from the engineer, her hand moving to play with a few strands of Erin’s hair as she responded.

“Not at all, hot stuff”, she told her, her preferred pet name for the physicist, with “cupcake” being a close second, “actually, I think it suits me better than my actual first name. But if anyone besides Dr Gorin would be allowed to call me Jillian, I think it’d be you.”

“Aw”, Erin let out, smiling, “that makes me feel special. But I think I’ll stick to Holtz, I agree that it fits you better.”

Holtzmann smirked in response, then leaned in for a brief kiss; after they had pulled apart again, Erin rested her head on the engineer’s shoulder, a content sigh escaping her when she felt the blonde move one hand to caress her hair.

“My Holtz”, Erin then said, smiling at the small chuckle Holtzmann let out; she responded with “my lovely cupcake”, then held her close until they both drifted off into sleep, both of them blissfully unaware of what would await them in the following day.

* * *

 

When things started to go wrong, it all happened very fast, but still Erin saw it as if in slow-motion, feeling slow and sluggish as she tried to move, to help, to stop it from happening.

She tried hard, she really did, but it was as if she was underwater, limbs reacting way too slow to the commands her brain sent – and so, all she could do was watch how the ghost, a man who had died in the boxing ring during a fight gone wrong, let out a frightening roar and backhanded Holtzmann, the crack when his fist connect with her jaw loud enough to let Erin hear it.

The hit was hard enough to actually lift Holtzmann off her feet and send her flying, proton pack and all; she crashed to the ground a few feet away, and Erin felt her heart stop when she remained on the ground and didn’t move. Didn’t move the slightest.

_“Holtzmann!”_ The cry tore free from her throat so harshly that she was sure she’d be hoarse in the next day, weight of her own proton pack forgotten as she ran to Holtzmann’s side; she could hear Abby and Patty yell at the ghost as they ensnared it with their proton guns, but didn’t even pause to look, all her attention on the engineer, her heart racing in her chest when she dropped down to her knees next to the blonde.

“Holtz”, she said again, a tiny bit relieved when she saw that the younger woman’s eyes were open; they were glazed over and dazed though, and she didn’t react the slightest to Erin saying her name.

“Holtzmann”, she tried again, heart and stomach clenching up at the bruise which was already darkening where the hit had landed, blood trickling from the engineer’s mouth and prompting Erin to wonder if her jaw had been broken by the hit, the lack of reaction from her partner causing a hint of fear to seep into her voice when she said her name yet again.

“Holtzmann, come on”, she tried, reaching out to grasp the engineer’s hand, heart skipping a beat when the blonde’s eyelids began to droop, “no. Don’t pass out, you hear? Holtzmann, look at me. Focus on my voice.”

Holtzmann let out an unarticulated noise in reply, again making Erin ask herself how much damage that hit actually had done; her hold on the physicist’s hand slackened, and fear clenched up her heart again, the urgency prominent in her voice when she kept talking.

“No, don’t you dare pass out”, she said, squeezing the blonde’s hand and trying to hold her gaze, “Holtzmann, no. Holtz. Come on, you have to stay awake for me, alright? Please, Holtz? I know it hurts, but you can’t faint, alright?”

The engineer let out another groan, but struggled to keep her eyes open; Erin could tell how hard this was for her though, and kept on talking, suddenly just knowing what she had to say to keep the blonde awake.

“Jillian”, she said, trying hard to put a somewhat strict sound into her voice, “I really need you to stay awake. Alright? Jillian?”

She felt like crying with relief when it worked out just the way she had hoped – Holtzmann’s eyes opened again, the dazed look now mixing with a bit of surprise, the physicist smiling at her as she squeezed her hand again.

“Good”, she then mumbled, fighting the urge to move her other hand through Holtzmann’s hair, “stay awake for me, alright? You’re going to be okay, I just need you to stay awake for me.”

Behind her, Abby and Patty managed to wrestle the ghost into the containment unit, and came running the moment the trap had snapped close; Patty was already pulling out her cell phone, ready to call an ambulance, while Erin kept holding Holtzmann’s hands and softly spoke to her, telling her again and again that she’d be okay, successfully keeping her awake and aware until the ambulance arrived.


	62. Heat of the Moment

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Based on this tumblr prompt: Making out is just super hot, and getting worked up and dry humping without meaning to seems like the sort of thing Erin would be kinda awkward about afterwards but Holtz would love the way she let herself go...

Already during her high school and college days, Erin never had understood why people were so keen on making out.

Perhaps that could be blamed on the fact that she hadn’t had many chances (well, _any_ ) to make out back then, but then she had gotten older, and had had a few dates, and even then, she didn’t see why people made such a big deal about it.

It hadn’t exactly been bad to make out with the men she’d dated, but it hadn’t been rocking her world, either; often, there was scratchy stubble, and quite a few times, while the stubble scratched, hands would grope, and it often was sloppy and messy and even a bit gross.

Perhaps, Erin had started to think, making out just wasn’t for her (as if she wasn’t weird enough already, she sometimes had added to these thoughts, when she saw happy couples in public); and after a while, she had begun to accept that idea, telling herself that certainly, there were more important things in life anyway, especially now, with the Ghostbusters receiving government funding and her work finally being appreciated.

Then, Holtzmann and she kissed for the first time, and it was as if she had been granted this first kiss by some higher power she didn’t even believe in to make up for all the not so stellar once in her life.

Kissing Holtzmann was so unbelievably different to her previous kisses had been, so much softer and gentler; one of Holtzmann’s hands was on her hip, the other on her back, but they just rested there, not groping greedily the way it had happened to her so many times before, and while they did kiss with passion, there was none of the demanding of more right away Erin had felt from the men in her life. (And there was no scratchy stubble, which was an extra bonus.)

It was just the first kiss of many, and they kept being so much better than all the others in her life; Erin could tell that Holtzmann desired her, but the engineer never pushed, clearly willing to give her all the time she might need, letting her set the pace of their relationship.

And now, Erin also understood why some people made such a big deal about making out; she quickly realized that she apparently couldn’t get enough of kissing the engineer, no matter if it was a small innocent peck they quickly shared during the day or the much deeper and more passionate kisses they often enjoyed on the couch in the evening, when Abby and Patty had headed home.

Most of the time, out of consideration for their friends, they tried to limit the displays of affection to short, harmless touches and kisses; sometimes though, Erin found herself overwhelmed by the need to be close to the engineer, and gave in to it, both of them successfully ignoring the teasing from both Abby and Patty whenever this occurred.

When the need overwhelmed Erin yet again, Holtzmann and she were alone in the upstairs lab, and so, she didn’t even try to hold back; she ended up pushing Holtzmann against one of her worktables, kissing her deeply as she entangled one hand in her blonde curls and had the other wrapped around her waist, barely able to hold back a moan when she felt the engineer rub her back.

Without fully realizing what she was doing, Erin pressed herself against the blonde as the kiss went on and on, moaning after all when she felt Holtzmann rise her leg a bit, just enough so that she applied light pressure between Erin’s legs; and before she realized what she was doing, Erin responded by thrusting her hips forward, moaning again at the sensation this caused.

She felt Holtzmann hold her tighter, and repeated the motion; and then she did it again, and again – until she realized what exactly she was doing, that she was practically dry-humping the engineer’s leg, and pulled back from the kiss at once, feeling her cheeks flush as embarrassment set in.

“Um, sorry about that”, she mumbled, blush deepening, gaze focused on the floor beneath her feet, “that was a weird thing to do.”

“What, are you kidding”, Holtzmann gave back at once, sounding so enthusiastic – and turned on – that Erin looked up at her again at once, “that was really hot. You can dry-hump me anytime, hot stuff.”

Erin blushed _again_ at that, but found herself smiling despite still feeling awkward about letting her self-control slip like that; Holtzmann beamed back at her, then pulled her in for another kiss, and this time, Erin didn’t worry about losing control anymore as she kissed her back, amazed at how good and free and desired the blonde was making her feel.


	63. Vanishing Act

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Based on this tumblr prompt: can you make one where Holtz disappeared for days and Erin is freaking out and then Holtz comes back like if nothing happens totally forgetting that she didn't tell the girls where she was going and having Erin freak out and telling Holtz her feeling for her?

When Holtzmann had left early on Monday morning, none of the other three Ghostbusters had thought much about it – after all, the engineer often headed out to look for parts, at all times of the day, sometimes even in the middle of the night, waking them all up when she came back with a duffel bag full of clanging metal parts.

So, none of them thought much about it, and none of them worried, at first; as the hours ticked by though, and the evening came, Erin felt the first pang of worry.

“Shouldn’t she be back by now?” she wanted to know, frowning – they hadn’t been working together for long, and she wasn’t quite sure if perhaps, this was a thing Holtzmann did sometimes, her frown deepening when Abby shrugged.

“She takes off like that sometimes”, the researcher then said, confirming what Erin had been suspecting, “don’t ask me where she goes and what she does – or why she does it -, I just kinda got used to it over the years.”

“Okay”, Erin replied, not quite convinced; Abby smiled at her reassuringly, quite aware of the fact that the physicist didn’t just see Holtzmann as a mere friend anymore, even though Erin herself hadn’t quite admitted this yet, neither to Abby, nor to herself.

“Don’t worry”, Abby said, reaching out to pat her shoulder, “she’s gonna be back and create poofs and bangs in her lab again in no time.”

_And if anything does happen to her, I’m her emergency contact,_ she mentally added, but didn’t say out loud, not wanting to freak Erin out even more; the physicist still frowned, but nodded, and went back to the book she had been reading when she had realized how late it was, her worries about Holtzmann a bit subdued, but not quite forgotten.

She managed to keep her concern down for the rest of the day, and during the night; when Tuesday went by though without Holtzmann showing up, her worries came back with full force, and only grew when Wednesday ticked by as well and the engineer didn’t make an appearance.

Unbeknownst to Abby, Erin tried calling Holtzmann, not surprised, but still worried when the engineer didn’t take the call; she sent her a text, too, but received no reply, miffed by how Abby told her not to worry when she brought it up with her again.

“How can you be so calm about this”, she demanded to know when Wednesday evening had come around, and Holtzmann was still gone, “what if she’s hurt or something, what if something happened?”

“I told you, Holtz just does that sometimes”, Abby patiently gave back, deciding to reveal the fact she had held back on Monday after all, “and if something had happened, we would know. I’m listed as her emergency contact, so if she ends up at a hospital, they’ll call me.”

“Still”, Erin mumbled, earning an agreeing nod from Patty, who worried about the engineer just as much, no matter how often Abby reassured them both that it was okay, “I can’t help it, I’m just worried for her, she shouldn’t do that.”

“Believe me, I tried to tell her that, the first few times”, Abby let her know, “didn’t quite work out, as you can see. It’s just part of her charming personality.”

Erin sighed in reply, then went back to her work; she kept glancing towards the door though, waiting for Holtzmann to come back, concerns growing further and further with each hour that passed, no matter how often Abby gave her reassuring looks and patted her back as she walked past her.

* * *

 

Finally, on Thursday after lunch, Holtzmann came back, bouncing in through the front door as if she only had stepped out for a minute – and Erin jumped up from her chair at once, glaring at her, and even pointing her finger at her as she stomped towards her.

“You!” she more snapped than said, not even noticing how Abby grabbed Patty and basically dragged her out of the room, “how dare you!”

“Huh?” Holtzmann let out, looking honestly confused, only enraging Erin more.

“Don’t you Huh me, Jillian Holtzmann”, she snapped, the engineer wincing at the use of her first name, a clear sign that Erin was _very_ angry, “you just vanished for days! You didn’t take my calls and didn’t answer my texts! Do you have any idea how worried I was!”

“Didn’t Abby—”, Holtzmann started, only to be interrupted again, her confusion replaced with worry at how angry Erin sounded.

“Yes, she told me you sometimes just do that”, the physicist said, crossing her arms over her chest now, “but that doesn’t make it better or okay! I was worried about you, Holtz! I couldn’t stop wondering if you’re in a ditch somewhere or, I don’t know, in the hospital, or even dead!”

“Well, I’m not”, Holtzmann pointed out, not quite sure what else to say, “and, um, I’m sorry you worried, but—”

“No, no buts”, the physicist interrupted her once more, with another glare at her, voice rising as she went on, “you can’t just do that, Holtz! Maybe Abby is okay with it, but I’m not, I worried about you, I was sure I’d lose you before I’d have the chance to—”

She realized what she had been about to say, and clammed up, eyes widening, having a second to hope that Holtzmann hadn’t noticed; that hope was shattered quickly though, the engineer raising an eyebrow before she took a step closer to her, sounding curious when she replied. “Before you had the chance to what?”

“Nothing”, Erin mumbled, blushing, but clearly, Holtzmann was having none of that, taking another step closer, the physicist’s blush deepening at how intensely the engineer was looking at her now.

“I don’t think it’s nothing”, she said, an impression which only deepened when Erin started to fidget nervously, rubbing her fingers in that certain way Holtzmann had noted her to do whenever she was getting uncomfortable or nervous, “if it was nothing, you wouldn’t stand here yelling at me. I imagine Patty was concerned, too, but she’s not here to scold me, is she?”

“Maybe she still will scold you”, Erin tried to deflect, but Holtzmann simply raised an eyebrow, and after a few more seconds of standing up to the blonde’s intense gaze, Erin deflated, suddenly finding it hard to look the other woman in the eye, knowing that the time for honesty had come, but not quite sure what the outcome would be.

“I was worried sick, alright”, she mumbled, somehow managing not to flinch when Holtzmann took another step closer to her and grasped her hand, “because the thought that you might be hurt or even gone and I never told you… how much you mean to me… it hurt. It hurt, and I never would have forgiven myself for all the chances I let go by unused.”

“There’s a perfectly good chance right now”, Holtzmann told her in response, sounding warm and kind now; Erin looked up at her, swallowing heavily, her heart skipping a beat when she saw nothing but desire and warmth in Holtzmann’s eyes.

Quickly, before she could overthink this and stop herself, Erin took the chance Holtzmann had offered, closed the small gap between them and kissed the engineer; and when Holtzmann kissed her back at once, moving her free hand to entangle it in her hair, all her worries and concerns were forgotten, and she was oddly glad that the blonde had been gone for days, not quite sure if she’d have found the courage for this otherwise.


	64. Holtzmann Smash!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Based on this tumblr prompt: None of the team have really seen Holtzy angry, but during/after a bust that quickly changes (Not mad at anyone on the team)

Sometimes, Erin wonders if Holtzmann is actually physically incapable of getting angry.

They’ve been working together for a few months now, and no matter which time of the day it is, Holtzmann is in a good mood; Erin has never seen her angry, not even annoyed, while she herself is often quite grumpy in the early hours of the morning, and upset whenever she gets slimed on a bust. (Holtzmann has gotten slimed on busts too at this point, but it hasn’t seemed as if she cared much about it, Erin envious of her ability to just ignore the slime and go on busting.)

“Hey Abby”, Erin thus approaches her best friend one morning, Holtzmann’s cheerful whistling and humming echoing down from the lab on the second floor, “I have to ask you something weird.”

“Okay?” Abby says, looking at her curiously; Erin feels a bit strange asking this, but she really wants to know, and so, she just comes out with what’s on her mind. “Have you ever seen Holtz angry?”

“Not that I can remember”, the researcher tells her after thinking about this for a moment, frowning a bit as she ponders this, “I once saw her mildly upset when a student at Higgins accidentally kicked the PKE Meter prototype and damaged it, but she didn’t even get angry then.”

“Huh”, Erin lets out, finding this quite interesting; Abby gives her a knowing smirk, and immediately takes the chance given for teasing, making her friend blush brightly with her next words. “Observing Holtz’ moods, huh? Did you also notice that Patty is quite the ray of sunshine, or are you too focused on your favourite engineer?”

“Shut up”, Erin replies, and blushes, Abby’s smirk widening in response; Erin clears her throat, but before she can come up with a response, Kevin makes an appearance, and claims that there is a ghost to bust.

Too late, Erin realizes that her only reaction to Kevin was interest about the ghost he’s talking about, and Abby certainly picks up on this, too, because her smirk widens, and she raises an eyebrow, obviously having noticed that Erin hasn’t reacted to the man with staring or sweating, the way she always has in the beginning of their work with him.

Erin just hopes that Abby doesn’t make some sort of comment about this to Holtzmann, because while she is quite sure that what she feels for the blonde is more than mere friendship, she’s not ready to face those feelings, not yet.

Thankfully, the ghost distracts from these thoughts, and she feels excited and already hyped up on adrenaline by the time they all have piled into Ecto-1; Holtzmann is driving recklessly as always, siren blaring, and it doesn’t take long until they arrive at the haunted building.

The ghost is apparently eager to make itself known, rushing at them the moment they step through the door; Erin is the first to enter, she ducks at the last second, and it flies past her instead of right into her, and that is when she sees movement from the corner of her eye, but not in time to react.

The ghost isn’t alone, she has a second to realize, then the second apparition barrels into her and knocks the breath out of her so she can’t even cry out when her feet leave the ground and she finds herself sailing through the air, until she slams into the wall close to the front door, stars exploding in front of her eyes as she slumps down to the ground.

It’s hard to breathe, the proton pack dug into her back painfully when she’s hit the wall, and Erin is pretty sure her ribs are bruised from the ghost tackling her, if not downright broken, but she still hears the unarticulated roar Holtzmann lets out.

She has a second to wonder if Holtzmann got hurt, too, then the engineer is in front of her, proton pistols out and ready, and Erin remembers in the last possible second to squeeze her eyes shut, just before Holtzmann pulls both triggers at once.

“Damn coward”, she hears the engineer say once the ghost has disintegrated, and she’s amazed to hear actual anger in Holtzmann’s voice.

Not just dismay, or annoyance, but _anger, rage,_ and it makes her heart beat faster.

“Holtz, make sure Erin’s okay”, Abby’s voice comes up next, and Erin dares to open her eyes again; Holtzmann turns to look at her, and Erin is amazed to see the anger melt from her features, replaced with concern the second their eyes meet.

“Hey”, Holtzmann says as she hurries to her side and kneels down next to her, worries only growing when Erin struggles to sit up and groans in pain, “are you hurt? Are you in pain anywhere?”

“Ribs hurt”, Erin lets her know, grateful when Holtz helps her with sitting up and removes the pack from her back so she can lean against the wall; it’s getting a bit easier to breathe, but it still hurts, and Erin wants to distract herself from that pain, and so she talks on before she can stop herself and overthink it.

“You know”, she says, making Holtzmann look from the proton pack she’s been checking briefly at her again, “I don’t think I ever saw you angry before. That was quite the sight.”

“Yeah, sorry”, Holtzmann says, and, to Erin’s amazement, blushes a bit, “I don’t get angry often. Only when it’s about… things… dear to me.”

Erin could tell herself that she’s talking about the proton pack, and not about her, but she knows that this is a lie, she _knows,_ and so, she just smiles, and reaches for Holtzmann’s hand; Holtzmann grasps hers at once, and gives it a gentle squeeze, and all at once, Erin feels warm and tingly inside, her pain forgotten at how strangely special the engineer’s outburst makes her feel.


	65. Freeze Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Based on this tumblr prompt: after a particular bust Holtz gets overexcited and kisses Erin and Erin freezes up and Holtzmann avoids her, knowing she's screwed up but Erin eventually comes around because lezbehonest: we all love a happy Holtzbert ending...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys, holy crud, I saw that this fic has gotten 1000 kudos. You guys!! I'm so happy, thank you all so much for reading all the stuff my weird brain comes up with and all your support. This fandom is the best <3

It was one of the more exhausting busts since the battle of Times Square, and it had been going on for hours; there seemed to be no end to the ghosts coming at them from all sides, and slowly, Erin began to worry that perhaps, their proton packs would run out of juice if this went on much longer.

Holtzmann didn’t seem too concerned though, clearly having a blast despite how long this had been going on; she was grinning her slightly manic, typical Holtzmann-grin as she blasted ghost after ghost, and let out an excited “woohoo!” every now and then, appearing quite energetic even after hours of busting ghosts.

 

Finally, as the last ghost fell under the proton stream of Holtzmann’s pistols, the onslaught stopped, and they had a moment to breathe; for a few more minutes, they kept their guard up, just in case a ghost was about to attack them out of nowhere, but when everything remained quiet, Erin was the first to lower her proton gun, letting out a heavy breath as she reached up with one hand to wipe sweat off her brow.

“Seems like we’re done”, she then said, sighs of relief coming from Abby and Patty – before Holtzmann, apparently still high on adrenaline, let out another “Woohoo!”, adding “That was awesome!” as she practically bounced to where Erin stood – and grabbed her shoulders, the physicist just having a second to have her eyes go wide before Holtzmann was pressing her lips to hers.

Erin froze, while Abby and Patty gaped.

She just stood there, not moving a muscle, not even breathing, feeling Holtzmann’s lips on hers; a few seconds ticked by, her heart hammering faster than the seconds hand on her watch was moving, and then Holtzmann pulled back, looking startled, and Erin just stared back at her.

For the first time since she met Holtzmann, the silence between them was uncomfortable.

“Um”, Abby was the one to break it, while Holtzmann’s gaze dropped to the floor, “we… should get back to the firehouse?”

“Yes”, Erin replied, snapping out of her daze; Holtzmann let out a vaguely agreeing noise, and dashed off before anyone had the chance to say something, already in the driver’s seat of Ecto-1 by the time the others made it to the car.

The drive back was somewhat awkward, Erin’s mind running wild as she tried to figure out what just had happened; the last thing she had been expecting was that Holtzmann would kiss her, and now that it had happened, the physicist found herself unsure how to handle it.

It wasn't like kissing Holtzmann was something she didn’t want – because she’d been fantasizing about exactly this for a while now, in the solitude of her bedroom, in the darkest hours of the night – but she’d never imagined it to happen like this… and she certainly never imagined the awkwardness afterwards.

It only got worse once they had made it back to the firehouse; claiming that the proton packs needed to be repaired, Holtzmann rushed up to the second floor the moment the car had been parked in the garage.

And from then on, Holtzmann started avoiding Erin; at first, the physicist tried to tell herself that this wasn’t happening, but she soon had to admit that she was fooling herself, finding it impossible to ignore the way Holtzmann made sure they never alone in a room together and avoided it to sit next to her in the booth whenever they went out for drinks, something which never had been a problem before The Kiss. (Erin had started capitalizing it in her head, and if anyone had asked her about it, had they somehow, magically, known, she wouldn’t have been able to say why.)

Abby and Patty picked up on it, too, but didn’t know how to help, only observing in concern; they both wanted to make this better, but knew that it was between Holtz and Erin and that, in the end, only the two of them could fix it.

For a while, Erin just allowed it that Holtzmann kept her distance, even though it hurt; as the days passed though, it became harder and harder to just accept this, and she realized that, if she wanted this to change, she’d have to make the first step.

And so, she waited until she was alone with Holtzmann at the firehouse one evening; she took a minute to take a few deep breaths and calm herself, then made her way up to the second floor, the lack of music up there clenching up her heart, just another indication for how badly Holtzmann had been affected by what had happened.

The engineer stood at one of her workbenches with her back to the stairs, doing some minor repairs on Patty’s ghost chipper; Erin cleared her throat, but that brought no reaction, and so, she said “Holtz”, making sure to sound secure and firm, noticing how the blonde stiffened up for a moment before she turned to look at her.

“This has to end”, Erin told her, somewhat bluntly, and regretted her choice of words immediately when she saw fear flash up in Holtzmann’s eyes; before she could make this better though, the engineer spoke up, hurried and stilted, and each word broke the physicist’s heart.

“I know I messed up and I’m sorry”, Holtz said, nervously tugging at her ear, looking everywhere but at Erin, “it won’t happen again I promise and I can keep staying away from you if I’m making you uncomfortable, I—”

“Holtz”, Erin interrupted her, not unkindly, glad when in response, Holtzmann finally looked at her, the engineer not quite sure if she could dare to feel relief at the fact that Erin wasn’t looking annoyed or angry, “the last thing I want is for you to stay away from me. You’ve stayed away from me for far too long already.”

Not quite sure what to make of this, Holtzmann only looked at her, swallowing heavily; she had been halfway sure that Erin had come up to her lab to tell her that this was it, that she had gone way too far with that kiss and that she had to leave the Ghostbusters, and here Erin was now, practically saying the exact opposite.

“You… surprised me, quite a bit, with that kiss”, Erin went on, moving closer to where the engineer was standing, “which is why I froze up the way I did. But I shouldn’t have waited so long to speak up about this, I’m sorry. And I’ll make it up to you right now.”

Holtzmann had a second to look confused and a bit questioning – and then Erin closed the gap between them, her arms slid around the younger woman’s waist and she kissed her, and for a moment, it seemed as if this time, it was Holtzmann’s turn to freeze up.

Then, she regained her wits and kissed Erin back, and the physicist practically melted against her, even letting out a soft moan when the kiss deepened.

“I wish I had reacted better”, Erin mumbled once they had pulled apart again, smiling as she felt Holtzmann caress her back in response, “because that was one of the best kisses I’ve ever had.”

“Just one of the best?” Holtzmann demanded at once, back to her usual self as the twinkle in her eyes showed, “I’m sorry, Dr Gilbert, but that is a rating I cannot live with.”

“You’ll have to try again, then”, Erin suggested, smirking; Holtzmann let out a chuckle in reply, then kissed her again, all the fears and worries and pain of the previous days forgotten as they kept on kissing, making up for the time they had lost since the first time their lips had met.


	66. Speechless: So Happy Together

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So I got two requests on tumblr for a sequel to Chapter 55 (Speechless), and because I liked the concept, as well, here we go :)

Before finding Abby again and forming the Ghostbusters, Erin sometimes, in the darkest hours of the night, has asked herself if perhaps, she’s one of those people who just aren’t meant to find true love.

During the day, these thoughts would never surface, her mind then too rational and scientific to let her ponder such ideas; at night though, often after yet another failed date, these thoughts are unstoppable, making her anxious and frightful of a life spent alone as she stares up at the ceiling in the darkness of her cold and sterile bedroom.

Now, Erin knows that it has just taken her a bit longer to find true love, and she’s found it in a place and with a person she never would have expected.

She’s always tried hard to be perfectly normal and to fit in, but that has gone out the window when she’s become a Ghostbuster, and got smashed to metaphorical pieces when she got together with Holtzmann.

When the relationship started, Erin’s been terrified that she’d mess it up, and ruin the team in the process; after all, the treacherous voice of her anxiety has reminded her, she never has managed to have a relationship last longer than half a year, so why should it be any different with Holtzmann.

They haven’t made it to the six month mark yet, but already Erin knows it’s different.

Being with Holtzmann is so easy that sometimes, she can’t help but wonder if she’s missing something, some crucial point which will bite her in the ass later on; things just seem to _work_ so perfectly between them, they complete each other in a way Erin has never experienced with anyone else before, not even with Abby, her closest friend.

She’s just so happy, she thinks to herself as she wakes up on yet another good morning in the bed she shares with Holtzmann, after another restful and relaxing night; Holtzmann is gone already, as she often is, her ever-busy mind pushing her out of bed hours before Erin wakes up.

As always when this happens, Erin rolls over to find a post-it stuck to the lamp on the small table next to her side of the bed; it says “Good morning” in Holtzmann’s characteristic scrawl, and to Erin’s amusement and delight, there’s a smiley face wearing goggles and making kissy lips beneath the words, the physicist smiling to herself as she carefully removes the small piece of paper and opens the drawer of the little desk.

She keeps a little wooden box there, and in that box, she collects all the little notes Holtzmann leaves her; it’s already quite full, she’ll have to get a bigger one soon, but she doesn’t want to throw any of them out, even if it’s just a scribble informing her that they need to get milk.

These notes are one of the ways Holtzmann communicates with her, after all, and so, they are important to her; she smiles at the piles of little yellow pieces of paper in the box, then carefully closes it and puts it back in the drawer before she gets out of bed and makes her way into the bathroom.

After her morning routine there, she moves on to the lab, knowing she’ll find Holtzmann there, already hearing the sounds of her tinkering before she even steps through the door; the engineer looks up when she hears her enter though, and smiles the moment their eyes meet, and Erin feels her heart skip a beat. Even after months, the way Holtzmann smiles at her can make her heart do this, and she wonders if this will ever stop. She hopes it doesn’t.

“Good morning”, she smiles as she walks over to where Holtzmann is just putting down her tools, making sure she has her hands free to put them around Erin’s wait the moment the redhead is close enough, “slept well?”

Holtzmann nods, then raises an eyebrow questioningly; already when they just had been working together as friends, Erin has picked up on her non-verbal ways of communication quite quickly, and by now, she’s proud to say that she knows most of them well enough to immediately figure out what the engineer is asking from her.

“I did, too”, she confirms, making Holtzmann smile; Erin smiles back at her for a second, then leans in for a tender good morning kiss, her smile widening when afterwards, Holtzmann points to the cup on her desk and then nods at the general direction of the small kitchen at the firehouse.

“Thank you”, Erin sighs, in dire need of caffeine as she is every morning, “you want a refill, too?”

Holtzmann nods, and the redhead steals another kiss before she makes her way to the kitchen; Holtzmann is bent over her current project again by the time Erin comes back, looks up and smiles and winks at her though when she puts her coffee down next to her.

Erin smiles back at her, and kisses her on the cheek, then moves to her own work; soon after that, Abby and Patty arrive, and as they all work together, the day passes quickly, one without a bust, but one during which they are keeping busy even without ghosts to capture.

The day passes quickly, and productive, and Erin is tired by the time Abby and Patty have gone home again in the evening; and so, she’s happy to cuddle up to Holtzmann on the couch as they have the dinner they ordered and watch X-Files on Netflix.

“You know”, Erin mumbles once the episode is over, and makes Holtzmann look at her, “just this morning, when I woke up, I thought about how happy I am. Everything’s so good, with us, with this work, just… everything and I love you.”

She’s been thinking these last three words for a while now, but it’s the first time she says them out loud; they just come out without thought or warning, and she freezes for a moment, suddenly worried it might have been too soon, or too much… then she sees the smile on Holtzmann’s face, and feels relief for a second, only to worry all over again when a look of intense concentration takes over the blonde’s features instead.

Erin opens her mouth to say something, ask her what’s wrong – until she remembers, having seen this look before, not often, but she knows what it means all at once.

The incident which took Holtzmann’s speech away hasn’t left her completely mute, and Erin knows that she can, apart from making unarticulated noise and on good days, repeat things which are said to her first, with a tremendous force of will, and it seems that this is exactly what the engineer is trying to do.

“I”, Holtzmann brings out, her voice somewhat croaky and rusty from how little she makes use of it, her brow furrowing as she focuses hard; Erin wants to tell her to stop, that it’s okay, that she can write it down and that she _knows_ , but she can sense how important this is for Holtz, and so, she remains quiet, just grasps her hand and squeezes it for support.

“I”, Holtzmann says again, her free hand clenching into a tight fist and Erin is amazed and worried at the strain this obviously puts on her, but she’s not willing to give up, “I. I… lo-love you.”

All at once, tears string in Erin’s eyes, and she wraps Holtzmann up in an embrace and kisses her deeply; and afterwards, she just keeps holding on to her, and feels the engineer rub her back, and feels happy and whole and knows that this is exactly where she’s supposed to be.


	67. Patience is a Virtue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Based on this tumblr prompt: Holtzmann knows how she effects erin with her flirting and dancing and does it even more because she wants erin to make the first move

The first time Holtzmann dances for Erin – of course pretending she’s not doing it exclusively for her, but because of the music, but it’s all for her, and from the way Abby glances at her from across the room, Abby can tell this, too – she notices at once that Erin can’t look away.

Of course, Erin acts as if Holtzmann isn’t affecting her with the dancing, and when Holtzmann gets too enthusiastic and causes a fire, her alarm is quite real, but the engineer handles the fire quickly and with ease, it’s not the first one she’s accidentally caused and it won’t be the last.

Abby raises an eyebrow at the smile and wink she gives Erin after the little dance number, but doesn’t comment on it, not as long as Erin is within earshot; Holtzmann figures that, if the beautiful redhead is completely straight and there’s no chance in Hell she’ll ever return the interest Holtzmann obviously has in her, Abby will tell her in private some time soon, but until then, she’s just going to keep testing the waters.

And this is just what she does, with well-placed winks and flirty lines and more dancing; she can tell it has an effect on Erin, it’s not hard to see that, the way Erin blushes each time and sometimes giggles awkwardly.

It’s a bit amazing how these reactions remain a constant, even after they have worked together a few weeks; as they adjust to living and working together at the firehouse (they all have their apartments still, but ghosts don’t care about business hours, and it’s easiest to just sleep at their HQ, too, just in case a call comes in the middle of the night), and still Erin blushes whenever Holtzmann does or says something flirty.

These reactions show Holtzmann that her flirting isn’t for nothing, because if Erin was completely uninterested, she wouldn’t blush and sometimes giggle like that whenever the engineer works her magic; she doesn’t take it further than flirty remarks and sometimes a bit dirty dancing though, sensing that doing so at this point would overwhelm Erin and make things worse instead of better.

And that has been the right call to make, she realizes one fine day, when Erin has gone out with Patty to get food and Abby approaches her up in the lab, being her usual blunt self and not beating around the bush.

“I’m not gonna tell you that you have no chance with Erin and should stop this”, Abby says without preamble, prompting Holtzmann to pause her work and lower her soldering iron, “because at this point, we both know that’s not true. I do want to tell you to be careful though.”

“You are aware whom you are talking to, right”, Holtzmann says, and winks; Abby rolls her eyes, but smiles, eyes and voice kind when she replies.

“I am, but I’m also aware of how Erin’s mind works”, she lets her friend know, “and if you… make a move too fast, for lack of a better word, you’ll only freak her out. If you’re really serious about her – and you better be, because if not, I’ll smack you, she doesn’t deserve being toyed with – you’ll need to wait for her to make the first proper move.”

“I know”, Holtzmann says, a bit hurt at Abby’s implication that she’s just toying with Erin, “I’m not dumb, Abby. And I’m not just playing with her, either.”

She tries to make it sound light-hearted, but Abby can tell that she hurt her, and she obviously feels bad, clearing her throat before she reaches out and gives Holtzmann’s bare forearm a brief pat, apologetic as she replies. “I know, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to say… it’s just, I’ve finally got her back in my life, and I don’t want to see her hurt. She doesn’t talk much about it, but she hasn’t had it easy.”

“I know”, Holtzmann says again, Erin hasn’t revealed much of her childhood and teenage years, but it has been enough to fill in the blanks, and judging from how surprised the redhead seems to be each time someone says or does something nice to her, she hasn’t had much niceness in her life in the years Abby and she weren’t talking, either, “I’m not toying with her, come on Abby, you know me. And I’m not going to freak her out and I’m not going to hurt her.”

“Alright”, Abby smiles, and just like that, their talk is done; she pats Holtzmann’s arm again, then walks off, back to her own work, leaving the engineer with the distinct feeling that not only she has been given Abby’s blessing to keep pursuing Erin, but with the reassurance that Erin will make a move sooner or later, if she just can be patient.

Holtzmann smirks to herself, because while she might seem like someone who can’t even sit still for longer than a few minutes, she has more patience than most people can imagine when they see her for the first time, and if she has to wait for Erin to make the first proper move, this is just what she will do.

* * *

 

Holtzmann is more than willing to wait, but that doesn’t mean she’ll put her efforts to make Erin see how much she means to her on hold; and so, she ups her game, she dances more and with quite a bit more hip movement than strictly necessary whenever Erin is around, and she makes sure to flirt with the redhead and wink at her every chance she gets, enjoying how flustered Erin still gets at these occasions.

And then, practically from one day to the next, Erin’s reactions change – she still blushes, but she’s not so awkward anymore, her giggling sounds more relaxed, and when she winks back at Holtzmann for the first time, the engineer can’t stop grinning for an hour.

Not long after that first wink, Erin starts casually touching her more; she has done so before, but it increases in frequency, a brush of the physicist’s hand along Holtzmann’s back as she walks past her, or a brief touch of their fingers when she hands the blonde something.

Figuring that she’s making progress, Holtzmann keeps up the flirting and the dancing, and adds a few casual touches of her own; and not longer after that, Erin approaches her in the lab one day, after Abby and Patty have left for the evening, immediately giving Holtzmann cause to suspect that she has waited for a chance like the one given to her now.

“I know what you’re doing”, Erin says after some minutes have been spent with small talk, she might know what she wants at this point, but that still doesn’t make her as blunt as Abby; her tone is difficult to decipher, and Holtzmann feels a bit worried all at once, concerned that Erin will tell her she’s seen through her and that she wants her to cut it out.

So when Erin speaks on, what she says is pretty much the last thing Holtzmann has expected, and it’s one of the rare times she’s actually speechless.

“Thank you”, Erin says, blushing a bit again, “for… being so patient. Giving me all this time. But I think we’ve both waited long enough now.”

“Okay?” Holtzmann gives back, not sure what to expect; she hopes for a certain outcome, but doesn’t dare to sound too eager, not wanting to freak Erin out after all, and so, she fights the urge to grab and kiss the physicist, “um, you’re welcome…?”

Erin just smiles, and takes a step closer to her; she reaches out and grasps Holtzmann’s hand, soft fingers curling around the engineer’s calloused ones – and then she pulls Holtzmann closer and kisses her, and Holtzmann can feel her knees go weak, and she’s honestly surprised she doesn’t fall over when the kiss deepens.

“I’m sorry it took me so long to find the courage to do this”, Erin mumbles after they pulled apart again, blushing a bit once more; Holtzmann just beams at her, lips still tingling from the kiss, and tells her she has nothing to be sorry for, only able to think one thing when, in response, Erin pulls her closer for another kiss.

_Worth it._


	68. Care for the Wounded

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Based on this tumblr prompt: Erin gets pretty beat up by a ghost and Holtz either saves her or takes care of her after the fact? Or both?

Erin never had been a big fan of the four of them splitting up during busts; there were times though when it was necessary, and this was one of them, with the area where the hauntings had happened so big, leaving them with too much ground to cover to allow them working in teams.

And so, she was sneaking through the third floor of the office building which had been plagued by malevolent ghosts for the past few days, trying to look everywhere at once; she knew that Holtzmann was on the floor above her, Abby on the second and Patty on the ground floor, but even with that knowledge, combined with the radios they all carried strapped to their shoulder for easy reach, she felt uneasy, knowing how easy it would be for a ghost to sneak up on her in this situation.

Giving her best to quiet, she moved through the rows of office cubicles, all too aware of how many hiding places for a ghost said cubicles provided; she was thankful for her leather gloves, feeling sweat on her palms and figuring that her grip on the proton gun might have slipped, had she not been wearing them.

She gave her best to be quiet, and to listen, but still she didn’t hear the ghost until it was too late – until the apparition barrelled into her from behind and slammed her against the nearest cubicle wall face-first, stars exploding in front of her eyes as she collided harshly with the wood.

Trying to ignore the pain and the warm blood she could feel dripping from her nose, Erin spun to face the ghost; she had a second to try and take aim, then she was grabbed and _thrown_ , the proton pack digging into her back painfully when yet another wall stopped her short flight harshly.

Gasping for breath, Erin tried to reach for the radio, realizing she couldn’t handle this ghost alone – it was strong, stronger than she had thought it would be, proven by how easily it had tossed her around; before she could do more than push the button though, the ghost grabbed a fistful of her hair and slammed her head down onto the floor, and she groaned, the world greying around the edges as she fought to stay conscious.

She heard the ghost cackle, then it grabbed her and threw her _again_ ; and then, it pinned her to the floor with surprising, unexpected weight and started to rain blows down on her, not caring where it hit her, cackling the whole time as Erin tried to shield her head and face, not even getting a chance to reach for her proton gun, the taste of blood filling her mouth and fear cramping up her heart as she fully realized how bad this situation was, that she might not make it out alive.

There was a bright flash of light, and she dully wondered if this was a sign that she was about to pass out or even die; and when the blows stopped afterwards, Erin was convinced for a moment that this was it indeed.

Then, she heard Holtzmann call out “Erin!”, and felt warm hands on her arms, and relief flooded her, for a few seconds even pushing aside the pain she now felt all over her body.

“Guys”, she heard Holtzmann say, trying to open her eyes, but finding the task unreasonably hard, “Erin’s down, she’s not responding to me, the ghost’s been taken care of but we need an ambulance for her, and quick.”

“On it”, Erin heard Abby, sounding crackling and metallic, and realized, belatedly, that her voice was coming from the radio, “stay with her.”

“Course”, Holtzmann replied, then Erin felt calloused, but gentle fingers grasp her hand; she let out a small groan, and at once, Holtzmann squeezed her hand a bit, her voice as tender as her touch when she said the physicist’s name.

Again, Erin tried to open her eyes, and this time succeeded, at least enough so she could see the engineer; Holtzmann smiled at her, a calming and reassuring smile, and told her that she’d be okay, the physicist only capable to let out another soft groan, pain spreading through her body now as the shock was fading.

“Just hang in there, alright?” Holtzmann went on, while Erin held on to her hand as tight as she could, focusing completely on the contact and the blonde’s voice, in an attempt to keep herself awake and grounded, “ambulance is on the way, you’ll be fine. Alright?”

Erin could only let out a small groan in response, but she kept her eyes open and fixed on Holtzmann’s, the engineer’s gaze kind behind her yellow-tinted glasses, and held on to the younger woman’s hand; she hurt all over, and there was the taste of blood in her mouth and throat, but Holtzmann was there, and that made it better, almost bearable.

* * *

 

“Holtzmann, you don’t have to do this”, Erin mumbled half-heartedly as the engineer led her into her apartment, “surely you have better things to do.”

“Better things than making sure you’re alright and got everything you need?” Holtzmann gave back, keeping her arm around the other woman’s waist as they made their way to the bedroom together, and helping Erin to lie down with minimal pain, “I don’t think so, hot stuff.”

Erin managed a weak smile at that, but still felt bad for taking up her friend’s time like this; the hospital had kept her overnight, but since, apart from her nose, no bones had been broken, she’d been allowed to leave early in the morning, even though she had been ordered to stay in bed for at least another two days – and Holtzmann immediately had volunteered to stay with her, and make sure she’d have everything she’d need.

As she laid down, Erin caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror, and nearly grimaced; her face was a swollen mess of bruises and cuts, her clothing hiding more injuries, her bruised ribs making each breath hurt, and she felt dizzy and weak after the trip from the hospital to her home, but at least, she figured, she’d get some rest now, groaning as she lowered her just as bruised back onto the mattress.

“Comfy?” Holtzmann asked her once she had managed to lie down, earning a vaguely agreeing noise – Erin didn’t dare nod, fearing it might make her dizziness worse, the engineer smiling brightly as she went on. “Alright, excellent. I’ll go check your fridge and cupboards and stuff, then you tell me what you’ll need and I’ll head out and get it, alright? I’ll be your loyal servant until you’re back on your feet.”

Erin let out another “Uh-huh”, and earned another happy smile, then Holtzmann turned to leave; before she could do, Erin reached out and grasped her wrist, prompting the engineer to pause and to give her a questioning look, the redhead managing another weak smile despite the pain this gave her as their eyes met.

“Thank you, Holtz”, Erin said, going on before Holtzmann could tell her that she had nothing to thank her for, “once I’m better, I’m going to repay you for this. How about I’ll take you out to dinner? Just you and me.”

“I like the sound of that”, Holtzmann gave back at once, and Erin smiled – before she moved her hand from the younger woman’s wrist to hers, their fingers entwining as the physicist held her gaze.

“It’s a date, then”, she said, choosing her words quite deliberately; the smile which curled Holtzmann’s lips in response was radiant, and made her heart skip a beat, and when she smiled back, she barely felt the pain at all.


	69. Hit (On) Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Based on this tumblr prompt: Erin took self defence classes at some point which encouraged her to actually learn boxing, which leads to Erin working out at the firehouse and Holtzmann being really gay and asking Ez to teach her

Holtzmann was the undisputed queen when it came to ordering strange items as they furnished the firehouse with government money, and so, it barely gave her pause when a punching bag was delivered one fine morning; she hadn’t ordered it, but figured it couldn’t hurt to have it around, perhaps, they could use it for target practice.

Then, one of her shipments of various bits and pieces of metal arrived, and she forgot all about the punching bag – until she came in late one evening when she hadn’t been able to sleep, her mind buzzing with ideas and keeping her awake, and heard the distinct sounds of fists meeting said punching bag, immediately feeling intrigued.

For a moment, she thought it was Kevin as she followed the noise – he had to get his physique somewhere, after all –, making her way downstairs, from where the sounds were coming, only to freeze on the spot the second she reached the bottom of the stairs and saw who it really was.

Erin stood with her back to her, and had no idea that she was there; and Holtzmann found herself incapable of making sound to alert her, just standing there and staring, jaw slack and eyes wide.

The physicist was dressed in sweatpants and a sleeveless top which left her stomach and half her back bare, as well; she wasn’t wearing boxing gloves, but had her fists bandaged, a few strands of hair hanging out of her ponytail as she slammed her fists against the punching bag, her breathing a bit harsh, but controlled, Holtzmann finding herself transfixed by the sight of muscle moving beneath the other woman’s skin as she worked out.

Holtzmann stood in perfect stillness for half a minute, not blinking, not even _breathing_ ; then, she realized that this might be considered somewhat creepy and cleared her throat, for a moment not sure if she had been loud enough to let Erin hear her, then the physicist stopped attacking the bag and turned to looked at her, smiling at her, clearly not perturbed by the fact that Holtzmann had walked in on her working out.

“Hey Holtz”, she said, moving a sweaty strand of hair behind her ear, the way her skin glistened giving the engineer the desire to run her tongue over it, “couldn’t sleep again?”

It wasn’t the first time that she had shown up in the middle of the night during the shift of one of the other Ghostbusters, and so, Erin wasn’t as surprised as anyone else might have been; Holtzmann shrugged, then nodded, her mouth still feeling dry, and she didn’t quite trust herself to speak, clearing her throat again before she dared to respond verbally, as well. “Yeah, you know how it is, my brain just goes crazy sometimes. Hey hot stuff, you were throwing some pretty impressive punches right there.”

“Thank you”, Erin smiled, leaving Holtzmann to wonder if she wasn’t blushing at the compliment for once or her face being quite flushed from her workout was hiding the blush, “I took some self-defence classes while I worked at Columbia, and I figured it might be useful to keep that up, for our work, you know.”

“I’m gonna build you a ghost puncher, too”, Holtzmann smirked in response, “then you can have a contest with Abby – who takes out more ghosts in hand to hand combat.”

Erin laughed at that, and Holtzmann’s smirk widened – how she loved making her laugh – before she raised an eyebrow, and gestured at the punching bag, a hint of mischief in her eyes when she went on. “Or perhaps I can make two more, if you teach me a thing or two?”

“I’m not sure I’ll be a good teacher for this”, Erin pointed out, continuing though before Holtzmann could protest and remind her she had been a professor at Columbia, “but I guess I can show you some basics…?”

“Excellent”, the blonde grinned, earning a smile from the physicist; she quickly shrugged out of her jacket, her ideas for the moment forgotten, and moved to stand next to Erin, acutely aware of the redhead’s scent when Erin stepped even closer, and placed both hands on her shoulders to correct her posture.

“Feet like so”, she instructed, either not aware of what the closeness was doing to Holtzmann or not acknowledging it, “and fists like so, or you’ll break your knuckles. Not that it matters much with ghosts, but if you punch out a human, don’t try to go for the jaw like in the movies, you’ll hurt your hand.”

Holtzmann nodded, feeling excited as she threw her first proper punch; Erin complimented at her how well she had done so, but told her a few things she still had to correct, and not long after, Holtzmann was attacking the punching bag with a viciousness close to the one Erin had displayed, even though her punches were a bit sloppier and not as well-aimed as the physicist’s had been.

“Looks good”, Erin still complimented her, smiling, “with some practice, you’re gonna get really good at this.”

“I have you to practice with, don’t I”, Holtzmann gave back, smirking, “maybe we can do a sparring round some time soon.”

“So you want to hit me instead of hitting on me?” Erin shot back at once, holding back a laugh when the engineer gaped; she wasn’t sure what had made her say that, perhaps she was high on endorphins after the workout, but the words were out in the open now, and she didn’t want to take them back, anyway.

“Only for sparring”, Holtzmann regained her composure, winking, “unless you’re into some rough stuff.”

“Wouldn’t you like to know”, Erin replied, stepping even closer to her, until their bodies were almost touching; Holtzmann swallowed noticeably, but didn’t move back, Erin taking note of how her gaze briefly dropped to her lips before she looked up again, their eyes meeting.

“Oh, there’s a lot I’d like to know about you, Dr Gilbert”, the engineer said, Erin’s smile widening a bit; she responded by reaching up and trailing her fingers along the blonde’s collar, amused to see a blush creep up Holtzmann’s neck, their roles for once reversed.

“Perhaps now, you can learn a few things”, she mumbled, still not sure what was making her so daring, but figuring that it couldn’t hurt, not with how well Holtzmann was reacting; and then, she only gave the blonde time to raise an eyebrow before she kissed her, lips barely touching at first, the kiss deepening quickly though as Holtzmann responded at once by wrapping both arms around her and kissing her back.

“If I had known this would happen”, the engineer mumbled once they had pulled apart again, sounding a bit dazed, while Erin was breathing noticeably heavier, “I would have asked you to teach me months ago.”

“You didn’t even know I do this months ago”, Erin pointed out; Holtzmann shrugged and dismissively waved her hand, making the physicist laughed – before she pulled her in for another kiss, the lessons in self-defence for the moment forgotten.


	70. Let It Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This idea came to me the other day and wouldn't leave me alone, so I used quiet time at work to write it down, heh. Short summary: Holtzmann gets some bad news. Erin helps her cope.

It’s been a quiet day at the firehouse so far, one of the rare ones without a bust happening, and they all make use of it; Erin and Holtzmann are working up in the second floor lab, Abby is going through the second draft of the new book Erin and she are writing, and Patty is researching possible haunted places, while Kevin sits at his desk and plays Solitaire, even though they all doubt that he really knows how the game works.

Still, he looks focused enough, Erin thinks to herself as she takes a brief break to get some more coffee for her girlfriend and herself; and as she’s refilling the cups, the phone rings, and she’s somewhat delighted when Kevin takes the call at once. “Ghostbusters, how may we help you?”

He listens for a while, then covers the mouthpiece and says “It’s for Holtzmann”; Erin walks to the stairs and calls out to her girlfriend, then moves back to fixing their coffees while Holtz comes sliding down the pole, internally wincing at how much sugar she pours into the engineer’s cup, and listening to her on the phone with half an ear, without even truly meaning to eavesdrop like that. She’s just close enough to hear, it just happens.

“Holtzmann”, she hears the engineer say, “yes, that’s me. … Oh? Okay then. Thanks for calling. … No thank you. … Yes I’m sure. Have a good day. Bye.”

There is _something_ in her voice which gives Erin pause, and she turns to glance at the blonde as Holtzmann hangs up the phone; the engineer doesn’t look upset, but still Erin feels that something is going on, giving her best to sound innocuous though when she speaks up. “What was that about?”

“Oh”, Holtzmann gives back, in a casual tone which does not fit her next words the slightest, “my mother died. Thanks for coffee, babe.”

And with that, she takes the cup and goes back upstairs; moments later, Erin can hear her go back to work up there, and for half a minute, she just stands there, blinking, trying to process what just happened.

Snapping out of her stupor at last, she hurries upstairs, her own coffee forgotten on the kitchen counter; Holtzmann is bent over her latest project, humming along to the radio as she works, as if she hasn’t been given those news, as if nothing is wrong at all.

“Holtz”, Erin says, losing some of her momentum as she realizes that she has no idea what to say, “what did you just… what? Your mom died?”

“Yup”, Holtzmann tells her, still in that casual tone, so all Erin can do is stare, “it appears so. Unless they called the wrong Jillian Holtzmann, but they said Anita Holtzmann died, so yeah.”

“Um… okay”, Erin says, feeling quite out of her depth and as if she’s flailing around, just with words, not with her hands, “so… funeral?”

“Next Saturday”, Holtzmann lets her know, the casual tone never wavering, “but I’m not going.”

“Oh”, the physicist lets out, not quite sure what the appropriate response to this is, “um… okay? You seem… rather calm about this.”

“It’s no big deal”, Holtzmann replies with a shrug, but Erin can see _something_ in her eyes, the same thing she heard in her voice during the call; before she can try to figure out what it is though, Holtzmann turns back to her work, and it’s the first time the engineer actually dismisses Erin like that, and it hurts.

“Holtz”, she says, trying not to let the hurt show, trying to sound caring and gentle, walking over to the blonde and placing one hand on her back, struggling to find the right words – she knows that Holtzmann’s childhood hasn’t been pretty, that her mother was far from ideal, but this lack of reaction worries her nonetheless, and she fears that the engineer is just bottling her feelings up and that they will fester then, unhealthy and hidden.

“Erin”, Holtzmann says, pausing her work to look up at her, “I told you, it’s no big deal. I don’t care. I haven’t seen her in years. Decades, practically.”

Erin just keeps her hand on the other woman’s back, and keeps holding her gaze; she still doesn’t know what to say, but suddenly, she’s quite sure that she doesn’t have to say anything, that Holtzmann will get there on her own, if she just gives her enough time, is just quiet long enough.

“It’s no big deal”, Holtzmann breaks the silence after not even a minute, “I don’t care.”

Erin rubs her back in response, she can feel how tense the engineer is now; it hurts that she has to do this, and she feels bad about it, but she knows that it has to be done, she can’t let Holtzmann bottle that up, it’ll only lead to more pain in the long run.

“I don’t care”, the engineer says once more, and Erin suddenly just knows that she’s trying to convince herself of that, and not the redhead, “and hey, you know what I should do?”

Her voice grows louder as she continues, but Erin doesn’t flinch, and doesn’t pull her hand back, and she feels her tremble, and all at once, she knows what it was, realizes she hasn’t recognized it until this very moment because she’s never heard that emotion in Holtzmann’s voice so far.

_Rage._

“I should go to that damn funeral after all”, Holtzmann says, getting louder, “and maybe, I don’t know, smash a bottle of fucking whiskey on her fucking grave, how about that? Not that I’d upset anyone, cause I doubt her drinking buddies and drug dealers will bother to show up. So maybe I should go after all, just so anyone will be there, but I guess I won’t because I don’t… fucking… care!”

With the last few words, she grabs the first object she can reach – thankfully, Erin still has time to think, just a screwdriver, nothing which is in danger of exploding and killing them all, but she doesn’t give her the chance to throw it, she wraps her up in a hug instead and holds her, and doesn’t let go, not even when for a few seconds, she feels Holtzmann stiffen in her embrace.

“I don’t care”, Holtzmann says again, then slumps into Erin’s embrace, muffling her own voice as she buries her face in the other woman’s shoulder, “I don’t care. I don’t _want_ to care. She never cared for me either so I… I… Erin it hurts and I don’t want it to hurt I don’t want to care…”

“I know”, Erin says, still holding her close, rubbing her back, and feeling her heart clench up when Holtzmann lets out a barely audible sob, “but it’s okay, it’s okay to feel something, that you care despite everything, everything she did and didn’t do… It makes you the wonderful person you are, it’s okay.”

Holtzmann starts to cry in earnest at this, with big, heaving sobs, and it breaks Erin’s heart; she holds her close and rubs her back and tries to comfort her, whispers to her that it’s okay and that she loves her, and lets her cry for as long as she has to.

“I don’t want to go”, Holtzmann says after just sobbing for a while, “to the funeral I mean. I don’t want to…”

“You don’t have to”, Erin reassures her, still rubbing her back, “it’s okay no matter what you decide. If you don’t want to go, don’t go.”

Holtzmann nods after a moment, and Erin tenderly kisses the top of her head; and then, they just stand there for a while as Erin keeps holding her close, tries to take the pain away, hoping that her love will be enough, and glad that her girlfriend has let her emotions about this out after all.


	71. Holtzmanned

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So my Holtzbro got this print https://www.inprnt.com/gallery/kevinwada/holztmann/ (jealous) and talking about it on tumblr messages led to this little fic, hahaha. Enjoy ;D Thanks to my Holtzbro for assisting with this XD

“Lunch’s here!” Abby called out as she walked from the front door to the lounge area of the firehouse, “Erin, can you go get Holtz?”

Erin nodded at once, taking any chance given to interact with the engineer; she wondered if Abby was aware of her crush on the other woman, and if this was the reason why Abby sent her to get the blonde, the researcher having tried several times to encourage her, telling her again and again that Holtzmann liked her too and that she should just make a move.

So far though, Erin hadn’t found the courage to do so, opting instead for silently pining; what she didn’t know as she walked to the garage was that Holtzmann was about to change that though, and without even doing much more than just being there.

“Holtz”, the physicist started to say as she entered the garage, “Abby sent me… to…”

She trailed off as she got a good look at the engineer, her mouth suddenly dry and her heartrate spiking, the physicists swallowing heavily as she felt her cheeks heat up.

Apparently, working on the car had made Holtzmann feel quite hot, since she had shrugged off the top part of her overalls and now had them dangle loosely around her waist; and beneath said overalls, she was wearing a sleeveless, simple black top, giving Erin a way too good look at her quite well defined arms and shoulders.

That alone would have been enough to make Erin feel decidedly warmer, as well; the fact that Holtzmann’s skin was glistening with sweat and that there were smears of oil and dirt here and there only made her look more irresistible to the redhead’s eyes, and she felt a tingle run down her spine when Holtz looked up and their eyes met.

“Yeah hot stuff?” the engineer asked, either unaware of how much her mere appearance was affecting Erin or deciding not to comment on it, “Abby sent you to—mmf!”

As she had been talking, Erin had been marching up to her, a look of determination in her eyes, and as she reached her, she cut her off in the best way possible – by grabbing her top, yanking her closer, and kissing her, a loud clattering echoing through the garage when Holtzmann dropped her wrench in surprise.

Her surprise didn’t last long though, as she kissed Erin back a second later, unable to hold back a moan when she felt the physicist’s tongue meet hers, while Erin’s hands came up to entangle in her hair, the redhead pressing herself against the engineer, breathing heavily by the time they pulled apart again, eyes glazed over with lust.

“I want you”, she brought out, “now. I want you to take me right here on the hood of this car.”

“But I’m all dirty and sweaty”, Holtzmann pointed out, not quite sure why she had said that, but feeling a bit light-headed after the steamy kiss; Erin kissed her again in response, running her hands beneath her top and up her bare back, voice breathy and trembling slightly when she replied after the kiss.

“Make me dirty and sweaty too, then”, she stated, feeling Holtzmann shudder at her touch and smiling; the only response she got was that this time, the engineer kissed her, simultaneously pushing her backwards until her butt hit the hood of Ecto-1, all thoughts of lunch forgotten as she moved to lie on it, pulling Holtzmann down on top of her, finally more than ready to let the engineer rock her world.

* * *

 

Abby frowned as she realized that quite a bit of time had passed since she had sent Erin to get Holtzmann; she wondered if they had gotten distracted somehow, even though the physicist had complained about being hungry already half an hour before their food had arrived.

“Kevin”, she thus said, while Patty was already munching away on her fries, having decided they had waited for Erin and Holtz long enough at this point, “can you please go to the garage and get Erin and Holtz?”

“Sure thing boss”, Kevin replied, then marched off to do just that; he came back not even a minute later, without Erin and Holtz though, prompting Abby to ask him where they were.

“Oh, I think Erin is feeling bad”, he told the researcher, her eyes widening with worry in response – before he went on and Abby wasn’t worried at all anymore within moments, not sure instead if she should groan or be happy for her friends.

“Holtz is giving her CPR”, Kevin explained, “but I’m not sure she’s doing it right? I mean, the mouth-to-mouth looked okay, but she’s squeezing her breast instead of doing the heart thing.”

“Oh shit”, Patty laughed, prompting Abby to giggle, as well, “finally. Took these two fools long enough. Bad timing with lunch though, so I’m gonna eat all their fries.”

“I imagine they won’t even notice”, Abby said with another giggle, “not if they… fill up on each other.”

“You nasty”, Patty said, shaking her head; Abby just shrugged, and smirked, then sat down to eat, as well, the two splitting Holtz’ and Erin’s fries among them, not even truly surprised when the physicist and the engineer still weren’t back by the time they got done eating and went back to work.

“Hey!” they heard Holtzmann call out almost an hour later, “where are my fries?!”

“We ate them”, Abby freely confessed, looking up from her work and smirking at how flushed Erin was, with what only could be described as “sex hair”, smears of oil and grease on her clothes and even one on her throat, right next to a rather visible hickey, “we figured you’d be full after having Erin for lunch.”

At this, the redness of Erin’s cheeks increased, and she cleared her throat, while Holtzmann just grinned and shrugged, then wrapped one arm around the physicist’s waist and heartily smooched her cheek.

“I kinda am”, she then declared, prompting Erin to let out a little giggle, “and I think the lovely Erin is, too.”

“Oh, you know I am, after how you made me scream”, Erin said, momentarily too lovestruck to care that Abby and Patty could hear her, and not caring that they could see, too, when she kissed the engineer, slowly and gently this time, both of them beaming by the time they pulled apart again.

“Okay, that is sweet and I’m happy for you and all”, Abby said, reminding them of her presence, “but I really don’t need to know if Holtz made you scream, Erin.”

“Ahem”, Erin let out, blushing again, while Holtzmann snickered, “um… sorry?”

“Forgive her”, Holtzmann said, smirking, “she got Holtzmanned. Multiple times. That tends to wreak havoc on any verbal filter between brain and mouth.”

“Oh Jesus, shut up, both of you”, Patty exclaimed, shaking her head, “really, like Abby said, we’re happy for you, but we don’t need no details!”

Holtzmann just grinned again, then grabbed what was left of her lunch, the burger cold by then even though it had been wrapped up in paper.

“I’m gonna go back to the garage and hose down Ecto-1, poor thing is juicy now”, she let the others know, “babe, drop by whenever you want to, alright?”

She kissed Erin again, then sauntered off, the other two smiling while Erin looked after her somewhat dreamily – before she flinched as Patty suddenly gasped loudly, her eyes going wide.

“Holtzy!” the historian then bellowed, jumping up from her chair, “what do you mean, juicy?! What the Hell did you two nasty women do to my uncle’s hearse!”

She started chasing after the blonde, yelling for an explanation; Holtzmann could be heard cackling in reply, and after a moment, Erin and Abby giggled, as well, the physicist feeling quite relaxed and content (and _satisfied_ ) and she picked up her food and began to eat, already looking forward to the next time she’d get Holtzmanned.


	72. Out in the Open

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Based on this tumblr prompt: holtzbert's first time showing affection in front of press after a long bust and the crowd goes crazy?

Even when she had denied that she was bisexual and had dated only men, Erin hadn’t been one to display affection in public all too much. It always had seemed strange to her, the way other couples would basically make out in public; she had been fine with holding hands, with short, casual touches, and with quick pecks on mouth or cheek, but anything beyond that was a no-go.

Denying that she wasn’t perfectly straight had stopped, thanks to Holtzmann and the engineer’s patience with her; her opinion about public displays of affection hadn’t changed though, and Holtzmann respected that, holding back with showing how much she adored the physicist when they were out and about.

Holtzmann was a physical person by nature though, quick with affectionate touches, and not just with Erin; and so, to the redhead’s slight surprise, nobody who wasn’t part of their team or worked closely with them had figured out that the engineer and she were a couple now, had been for the past two months.

She was not only surprised about this, but somewhat glad, too – by now, she felt more or less ready to have the public know about their relationship, but when it had started, she had worried, as always bothered by what other people might think of her, thankful for the time she’d had to come to terms with this, and for how endlessly understanding and supportive Holtzmann had been about her troubles.

She hadn’t even been able to tell Abby and Patty at first, not right away after she’d gotten together with Holtzmann; it had taken her a week to find the courage, glad that the two had been nothing but supportive and happy for them, even though Abby had teased her about how long it had taken her to act on what she obviously was feeling.

It had surprised Erin a bit that apparently, both Abby and Patty had been able to tell that she was crushing on the engineer, the physicist having been quite sure that she was subtle about her feelings; by now though, she knew better, and knew that she had looked at Holtzmann the way she was looking at her right now, as the blonde slammed her foot down onto the pedal for the ghost trap, capturing yet another ghost, Erin quite aware that she was watching her girlfriend with what only could be described as “heart-eyes”.

“And another one”, Holtzmann said, leaving the trap where it was for now, another three already scattered throughout the building, “that was our last trap, so from now on, blasting ghosts bye-bye it is.”

“How many are there left?” Abby wanted to know, glancing around, “do we have any idea?”

“At least three more, judging from what the client said”, Erin told her, wiping sweat off her brow; the bust had been going on for hours already, several ghosts having been destroyed and four of them trapped, and still they were far from done, “unless they miscounted, then it might be even more than that.”

“Girls, we’re getting an audience”, Patty called from where she had gone to peer out the window, a bit surprised to not only find onlookers and rubberneckers outside, but press people, too, “this damn bust has been going on for so long, some of them are having snacks and drinks!”

“Maybe they’ll share once we are done”, Holtzmann commented, earning a brief smile from her girlfriend; then, a loud shriek made them all wince as yet another ghost came barrelling out of the dark hallway and at them, Erin reacting quickly by yanking her proton shotgun from the holster and firing, the ghost shrieking as the proton projectile hit it and disintegrated it.

“Good shot, babe”, Holtzmann complimented, making her smile proudly – the engineer made use of every chance she got to compliment her, but it still made Erin smile every time, and sometimes still made her blush, too.

“Okay, let’s take care of the remaining ghosts”, Abby stated, pulling on the proton glove, and prompting Patty to ready her Ghost Chipper, “like Holtzmann said, seek and destroy, no more trapping.”

“Seek and destroy”, Erin echoed, amused, “we’re adopting military lingo now?”

Abby just smirked, and shrugged, then the four of them went to do what she had suggested; it didn’t take them long to encounter the ghosts, the apparitions more than keen to fight them, but the fight itself did take them quite a while, and Erin felt somewhat high on adrenaline by the time the last ghost had been taken care of.

The feeling only grew when they stepped out of the building and immediately, the press people began taking pictures while the other onlookers cheered for them, chanting “Ghostbusters! Ghostbusters!”, Erin feeling her adrenaline rise even further, her heart racing and only speeding up even more when Holtzmann smiled brightly and did her trademark salute at the cheering audience.

Her smile was bright and her hair was a mess and she had sweated as much as the other three, and in this moment, she was the hottest woman Erin ever had laid eyes on – and so, before she even fully realized what she was doing, she had grabbed Holtzmann, practically yanked her closer and kissed her right on the mouth, not caring the slightest that people were watching and taking pictures.

For a few seconds, there was stunned silence, only the sound of cameras clicking audible, while Holtzmann grasped Erin around the waist and pulled her closer, the kiss deepening surprisingly quickly, the physicist’s usual inhibitions about doing this in public blown to bits; then, as the crowd started cheering again, Erin realized what she was doing and, with a bright blush, pulled back, unable to feel bad though at the wide, happy grin Holtzmann was giving her.

“You do know the two of you will be one every front page of this city tomorrow, right”, Abby said, smirking; Erin blushed even deeper, but smiled, looking at Holtz as she replied, and making the engineer smile even wider. “Well, I guess then we better make it count, huh Holtz?”

With that, she pulled her in for another kiss, the cameras clicking again while the crowd’s cheering increased, making Erin smile against Holtzmann’s mouth, her blush slowly fading as she realized that the people around were nothing but supportive and even happy for them.

Not even an hour later, #holtzbert was trending on Twitter.


	73. Hanging On

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Based on this tumblr prompt: one where holtz is scared of heights after the whole abby possession thing and erin calms her down

They hardly ever spoke of when Rowan had possessed Abby and what he had done then, and if they did, it was to joke about it; and even then, after one remark or two at the most, the topic was changed, to one less troubling than Abby dangling Holtzmann out the window by her throat.

Holtzmann, being Holtzmann, acted as if she wasn’t bothered the slightest during these moments; Erin had gotten to know her though in the past months, better than she ever had thought she would when she had seen her for the first time, and saw the brief flash of dismay in her eyes, perhaps even fright, whenever these moments were brought up.

She knew better than to simply ask Holtzmann about it though – while the engineer was getting better about voicing her emotions, especially when it was just the two of them and it was about positive things like her feelings for Erin, she still had troubles with talking about fears and insecurity, and Erin knew that the engineer would come to her about it when she was ready.

She was more than willing to give her time the she needed to come to terms with what had happened enough to speak about it, and Holtzmann knew this, and loved her only more for it; what neither of them had expected though was that their very job would force her to confront her fears sooner than she had expected.

The bust happened on a construction site, a building which had been half-finished by the time the ghosts the workers apparently had stirred up had started tormenting them and had made continuing the work impossible; and it had gone fine at first, the Ghostbusters working in teams of two, Patty and Abby taking the basement and ground floors while Erin and Holtzmann went for the first and second floor.

It didn’t take long until they encountered one of the ghosts, and their chase of the apparition led them to the part of the second floor where construction had stopped halfway through; they rounded a corner, one of the few walls which had been put up before the work had been put to a screeching halt by equally screeching ghosts, and suddenly, the floor was gone, both Holtzmann and Erin managing to stop in the last second, right on the edge of the gaping hole in the ground, the three floors of nothingness making Erin’s stomach churn as she couldn’t help but imagine how wrong this could have gone, had one of them fallen.

“Yikes”, she said while the ghost flew off, unimpressed by the lack of floor, cackling manically, “that almost went wrong.”

She expected a sort of joke or snarky comment from Holtzmann, and the first pang of worry clenched up her heart; and then, when she heard the soft wheezing noise, this only grew, the ghost forgotten as she turned to look at her girlfriend.

Holtzmann had taken a step back from the edge, gripping her proton wand so tight that Erin was honestly surprised she didn’t leave dents in the metal; she was breathing with short, shallow bursts, her eyes wide behind her glasses, sweat trickling down her brow, and Erin suddenly just knew that said sweat had nothing to do with chasing the ghost over two floors.

“Holtz”, she said, holstering her proton wand, briefly hoping the ghost wouldn’t choose this moment to rush at them, “what’s wrong? Can you tell me?”

She took a tentative step closer, not sure if it would be alright to touch the blonde; impossibly, her concern grew even further when Holtzmann didn’t react to her at all, but kept staring at the hole in the ground, one of her hands coming up to briefly touch her throat.

_Abby grabs her and lifts her up and she can’t breathe and why is Abby doing this they are friends and still she does this shoves her through the window and oh God she’s gonna die Abby is gonna kill her her friend is going to kill her and then Abby lets go and—_

“Holtz”, Erin said again, now touching her arm, the contact enough to snap her out of the memories, “it’s okay. Look at me, alright? Don’t look over there, look at me.”

She positioned herself so that she was between Holtzmann and the hole in the ground, blocking the engineer’s sight; for a few moments, Holtzmann seemed to stare right through her, then her eyes came up to meet Erin’s, the physicist giving her a calming smile, rubbing her arm now, glad that her touch didn’t make things worse, but appeared to help the blonde calm down.

“Okay, good”, Erin said, giving her another smile, “can you try to slow down your breathing for me now? Here, breathe like me, slow and steady, just—”

She had a second to notice how Holtzmann’s gaze flickered to something behind her, her eyes going wide behind her glasses again; and then, Erin felt the yank backwards, yelping as she lost her footing, blindly reaching for something to stop her fall as the ghost jerked her over the edge, somehow managing to grab on to the concrete, her shoulders screaming in protest as she dangled there, all too aware how far she would fall, should she loose her hold.

“Erin!” she heard Holtzmann call out, a hint of panic in the engineer’s voice; she had a moment to wonder if the blonde couldn’t see her hands gripping the edge, if Holtzmann thought she had fallen, then the younger woman was kneeling down and peered down at her, paling drastically as she saw yet again how high above the ground they were.

“Okay, Holtzmann, you can do this”, she then mumbled to herself, while Erin fought hard to keep her own rising fear off her face now; the engineer looked as if she wanted to throw up when she scooted closer to the edge, until she could grab Erin’s forearms, her heart racing as she had to bend over the edge to do so.

_If you mess this up, you’ll both fall, or she’ll fall, and it’ll be your fault_ , the treacherous voice of her fear whispered to her; fighting hard to ignore it, Holtzmann made sure she had a good hold on the physicist, then grit her teeth as she began pulling her up, Erin giving her best to help, scrambling for a foothold, not wanting to imagine what would happen to her body, should Holtzmann’s grip on her slip.

Fortunately though, decades of engineering and hauling around heavy equipment and parts had given Holtzmann a strong grip and good shape; and so, she managed to pull Erin back to safety, even though she knew she would feel that in her arms the next day, the physicist slumping onto the ground next to her, letting out a shaky breath, trying to calm her racing heart.

“Thank you”, she then brought out, turning her head so she could look at Holtzmann, the engineer sitting next to her, rubbing her forearms, “that… could have ended badly.”

“Understatement”, Holtzmann mumbled, her own racing heart slowing down now that she was away from the edge and Erin was safe, “and nothing to thank me for.”

Erin smiled at her, reaching out and briefly rubbing her back, silently telling her that there indeed was a lot to thank her for; for a minute, they just sat there, taking time to calm down, to sort their thoughts, then Erin came to her feet and pulled her proton shotgun from the holster, making it quite clear that she now meant business.

“So”, she said, earning a smirk from Holtzmann as the engineer got up again, as well, her fear forgotten, “ready to bust some ghost ass?”

“Ready when you are, babe”, the engineer replied, Erin returning her smirk in reply; she still took time to steal a brief kiss, then they headed off to find and take care of the ghost, their fright soon forgotten, both of them knowing that, as long as they had each other, they could deal with everything their job would throw at them.


	74. Gettin' An Eyeful

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Based on this tumblr prompt: Can you do one where Holtzmann finds out that Erin wears absolutely nothing under her busting suit?

Even if they’d go on a thousand busts together, Holtzmann thought to herself, she’d never grow tired of watching Erin in action.

The physicist had gotten better, _much_ better, about her self-esteem and confidence, but still was somewhat shy and not very outgoing in their day-to-day life; on busts though, she was fierce, a true spectral warrior, all her insecurities and troubles with her confidence forgotten, jaw set in determination as she chased after ghosts and blasted them to slimy bits with her proton shotgun.

Sometimes, Holtzmann got so fascinated and enamoured that she nearly put herself at risk because watching Erin distracted her from her own tasks during the busts; if Abby or Patty noticed, they were kind enough to not say anything, and Erin herself always was too focused on hunting ghosts to be aware of the heart-eyed way Holtzmann was looking at her.

Holtzmann wasn’t sure if she should be relieved or dismayed about this – Erin not only had gotten better about her self-confidence, but was reacting less awkwardly to her flirting, as well, but she didn’t know if the physicist actually was aware that she meant it every time she complimented her, or still though that this was something the engineer did with everyone and thus didn’t take it seriously.

If she had noticed the way Holtzmann was looking at her, any doubts about how serious the flirting and compliments were would have blown to bits at once.

As it was though, Erin had no idea, completely unaware of the adoration and bit of lust in Holtzmann’s eyes as she watched her blow yet another ghost to bits; it exploded with more force than anticipated though, and Erin let out a groan when she ended up slimed once more, spattered from head to toe.

“Of course”, she then complained, holding still as Holtzmann had snapped out of her adoration-caused stupor to wipe the goo out of her eyes, “even when they explode, they manage to slime me. I really do attract that stuff. Thanks, Holtz.”

She sighed, but managed a smile at the engineer at the last two words; Holtzmann smirked back at her, wiping the slime on her own coveralls, earning another smile and nod when she asked Erin if she felt ready to continue.

It didn’t take them long to finish up after this – thankfully, Erin thought to herself, with the slime drying on her upper body and in her hair, she couldn’t wait to get out of the coveralls and into the shower; she just rolled her eyes when they met up with Abby and Patty again and both of them grinned at the sight of Erin covered in slime yet again, adding a threatening “not a word” before any of them could say something.

“I would never”, Abby replied, and the look Erin gave her in response was answer enough; the researcher giggled as they loaded their equipment into the car, and soon, they were on the road back to the firehouse, Erin for once glad about Holtzmann’s reckless driving as it meant she would get into the shower sooner.

Fortunately, Holtzmann drove the way she always did, and they quickly arrived at the firehouse; and as they got out of the car, Erin called dibs on the shower, heading upstairs right away, unaware of Holtzmann following her, the engineer eager to get to her lab and check Patty’s Ghost Chipper, after the weapon had taken some damage during the latest bust.

She had no idea that Holtzmann was right behind her, and so, she didn’t realize that she gave the blonde quite an eyeful as she unzipped her coveralls already when she was halfway up the stairs and let the top part dangle around her waist, only becoming aware of Holtzmann when she heard a choked noise from behind her.

Startled, Erin spun around, forgetting that she was topless – which had caused the noise in the first place; too late, she realized that she just had given Holtzmann an even better view, the engineer’s eyes bugging out so much that it was almost comical.

“Yikes!” Holtzmann then yelped, apparently realizing she was staring, hurriedly covering her eyes while Erin quickly moved one arm across her breasts, her cheeks burning – and not just with embarrassment, she realized, but with a bit of passion, too, because Holtzmann had looked at her with such desire that it had made her whole body tingle.

She definitely couldn’t tell herself anymore that the engineer just was flirting with her fun, not after this look.

“Sorry, sorry”, Holtzmann was saying, sounding stilted now, clearly feeling bad – and perhaps worried that she had offended Erin, “I didn’t mean to… sorry. You’re naked! Beneath the coveralls!”

“Um, yes”, Erin admitted, quickly pulling said coveralls back up, even though they still were covered in slime, “you know I meant it when I said the stuff gets in every crack, and wearing anything beneath it, even underwear, just led to so much more laundry so…”

“Yikes!” Holtzmann said again, and this time, Erin laughed, belatedly realizing that the engineer was still covering her eyes, and she still was giggling when she told her she had covered up and that Holtzmann could look again.

“You know”, she added once the engineer had taken her hand down, earning a look of surprise for her sudden coy tone, “normally, I don’t let people peek without a proper date first. So you owe me one.”

“Oh, of course”, Holtzmann caught on at once, still appearing a bit flustered, but grinning now, as well, “how about lunch tomorrow?”

“Sounds good”, Erin smiled, suddenly having the urge to kiss her on the cheek, only to remember that she was still covered in slime, and thus ignored the need, “it’s a date, then. Now though, I really want that shower.”

“Enjoy”, Holtzmann replied, her eyes glazing over a bit, and Erin giggled, quite easily imagining what the blonde was thinking about; she didn’t want to kiss her, not with the slime all over her still, but she did reach out and grasped her hand, giving it a brief squeeze and smiling at her before she practically skipped up the stairs, unaware of the blissful smile she’d left on Holtzmann’s face.


	75. One Fateful Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Based on this tumblr prompt: How about pre-Ghosbusters holtzbert meet on a random NYC street as strangers and keeps meeting during the day & flirted with each other. Both regret they didn't get each other's name & number until that very faithful come-here-often day. And eventually married to each other, perhaps?

**One Morning**

 

Erin’s in a hurry, and perhaps, that is why she isn’t paying much attention as she rushes down the sidewalk, just eager to get to the university, she has a class to teach at eight a.m. today and so she can’t be late.

She walks fast, just focused on getting to Columbia University, and so she doesn’t notice the person in her path until it’s too late, until she bumps into the woman – and spills her coffee, all over the unfortunate blonde’s overalls and leather jacket.

“Oh my God!” Erin cries out, eyes going wide, “I’m so sorry! Are you alright?!”

The blonde gives her what she can only describe as an unabashed once-over and then she smirks and nods, eyes behind yellow tinted glasses meeting hers at last, a twinkle in them when she replies. “Just fine, hot stuff. Sorry, too, I didn’t pay attention where I was going.”

Now that she gets a closer look, Erin can tell that the stains from her black coffee won’t be very noticeable – the other woman’s overalls are splattered with paint and even have scorch marks here and there, so at least, she thinks to herself, she didn’t ruin a perfectly good outfit with her carelessness.

“Sorry again”, she says, then realizes that she is wasting important time, “um, I really have to get going now though, I can’t be late.”

She finds it hard to look away from the blonde, finding the other woman oddly fascinating, from the brightness of her eyes behind those yellow glasses to her clothing style and her messy, but somehow practical-looking hairdo; the blonde smirks back at her and tells her once more it’s okay, and Erin takes this as a signal that she can go and hurries off, trying to push the blonde from her mind as she continues her way to Columbia.

She finds it surprisingly hard, and she keeps thinking back to the moment the strange woman called her “hot stuff” – had a guy done that, she would have been miffed, perhaps even offended, but from her, it has felt oddly right, and Erin wonders if perhaps, she’s run off too fast.

 

**One Afternoon**

Holtzmann doesn’t hit blocks in her work often, but whenever it does happen, it’s frustrating and it makes her feel even more restless and fidgety than she is on regular days, and then, she goes on walks.

Abby is used to this at this point, and doesn’t question it anymore when Holtzmann says “I’m going out”; she also doesn’t ask when Holtz will be back, she knows the signs of the engineer hitting a roadblock, and they have shown more and more the past few hours, and she knows at once that Holtz is going on one of her “I’m stuck” walks.

She doesn’t care where she is going, just walks, hands in the pockets of her jacket, gaze fixed on the sidewalk; the last time she’s walked like this, she’s bumped into that beautiful redheaded woman, and she smiles to herself as she thinks back to her, her pretty – albeit startled – blue eyes and the nice sound of her voice.

_Dang it, I should have asked for her number_ , she thinks to herself, _or at least for her name. She’s looked familiar though, maybe I’ve seen her before, so I might see her again._

That thought makes her smile again, and she feels a bit better about her block; she’s not ready to go back though, and so she keeps walking, lets her mind wander, because sometimes, the answer comes to her then, like a flash out of nowhere.

She hopes that this will happen this time, too, because then she might be able to finish the PKE meter; Abby’s gotten so excited when she’s told her she thinks she can build one, and she doesn’t want to disappoint her now.

Just as this thought goes through her mind, she sees a flash of auburn and tweed up ahead, and she can’t believe it – it’s her, it really is, a second, closer look confirms, just walking across the road up ahead.

She seems in a hurry again, like she was that one morning, and Holtzmann finds herself wondering if she’s always so stressed; and a second later, either coincidentally or because she actually feels Holtz staring at her, the woman turns her head and their eyes meet.

She smiles, and winks, not sure if the woman remembers her, aware that she might be making quite the fool of herself in this very moment; to her relief though, the lady apparently does remember her, because she blushes a bit and smiles back at her, then even raises her hand for a little wave.

Holtzmann responds by making finger guns at her, and she’s delighted when the redhead lets out a little laugh; she’s wishing they’d have time for a brief talk, just enough so perhaps, numbers can be exchanged, but the other woman is still in a hurry, and looks apologetic as she gestures at her watch.

Holtzmann gives her another smile in response and a shrug, as if to say “Aw shucks”; and as the woman hurries on, she looks after her, holding back a sigh, not quite sure why she feels as if she’s missed another chance, but unable to shake the feeling.

 

**Seven Days**

Erin keeps seeing the blonde woman she’s spilled her coffee on, with a frequency that, had she been a person to believe in fate and destiny, would have made her wonder if the universe is trying to tell her something.

She doesn’t believe in these things though, and so she writes it off as coincidence; she finds it a bit dismaying that she never actually _talks_ to the woman – she always just spots her from afar, entering the train she’s getting out of, walking on the other side of the street, never close enough for an actual talk, just waves and smiles and winks.

It makes her weak in the knees though, how the blonde smiles and winks at her, and she’s somewhat glad they never actually talk, because certainly, she’d make a fool out of herself, she just knows, she’d get all flustered and embarrassed and blushy.

Still it feels like a missed chance each time they see each other from afar and don’t talk; Erin doesn’t quite know _why_ she feels like that, but she does, and it worries her a bit, she knows she’s not perfectly straight, but she’s never found herself thinking about a woman she effectively doesn’t know as much as she thinks about the mysterious blonde.

Then, the man shows up at her work, and asks about her book and ghosts, and all thoughts about the blonde stranger are forgotten as she realizes what Abby has done, both anger and fear taking over her thoughts, if this becomes known at Columbia, she might not only lose her chance for tenure, but her job, too.

And so, shortly after she’s found that blasted book on Amazon, Erin is in a taxi, nursing her anger and trying to ignore her fear, because she’ll need the anger, but the fear won’t help.

It works, and she’s mostly angry by the time she enters the lab; and her anger only grows when Abby just dismisses her and leaves her standing there because of _soup_ , and that is when she hears the unexpectedly familiar voice behind herself.

 

**Three Words**

“Come here often?”

Holtzmann knows it’s her before she even turns to face her, and now she also knows why the woman’s been so familiar the whole time – she’s seen her before after all, a younger version of her, on the back of The Book.

She smiles as Erin’s eyes go wide, knowing Erin recognizes her – they’ve seen each other again and again the past few days, always only from afar, and she’s lamented all those missed chances, and it seems as if now, she’s given one more chance, to make up for not asking for the woman’s name or number right when they first met.

“Hello”, Erin says, still smiling, and their eyes meet and they _connect_ , on some level Holtzmann never would have thought possible, “I have to say, I did not expect running into you here, of all places.”

“I work here”, the engineer points out in reply, smirking, “my name is on the door outside, but you might have missed that in your righteous anger. Holtzmann.”

She pulls off her glove to shake Erin’s hand, and when they touch, it sends a jolt all the way up her arm to her shoulder, and from how Erin’s eyes sparkle, she can tell the other woman felt it, too.

Neither of them might believe in destiny, but Holtzmann can’t deny that something special is happening in this very moment.

 

**One Evening**

Erin is the one to make the first real move, after weeks during which Holtzmann has flirted with her, shortly after they saved New York and moved into the firehouse.

It’s just the two of them in the lab, Abby and Patty are downstairs, and Holtzmann is talking about her newest improvements to the proton shotgun and she sounds so excited and her eyes are shining, and for once, Erin doesn’t overthink the impulse she feels at the sight, and cuts Holtzmann off in mid-sentence by kissing her.

The engineer can’t stop grinning once they pulled apart again, and Erin smiles as she blushes, glad that the reaction is so positive – she’s been fairly sure Holtzmann _likes_ her, but it still has taken quite the amount of bravery to kiss her, and she’s glad it’s worked out fine.

“I liked that”, Holtzmann tells her, “can we do that again?”

Erin laughs, and nods, and kisses her again, and it feels so good and right, she never wants it to end.

 

**One Special Day**

“Admit it”, Abby says, smiling, “when you came to the lab to yell at me two years ago, you never would have thought this would happen.”

“Certainly not”, Erin replies with a small laugh, Holtzmann grinning next to her, “I really should thank you every single day for putting the book online. It’s made everything so much better…”

Abby smiles widely, and hugs her, and then pulls Holtzmann into the hug, too, and Patty and Kevin come to join, as well, the other people around them looking on with smiles on their faces.

“It has”, Abby confirms as she pulls back from the hug, eyes getting misty again – Erin never would have thought Abby would be the one to cry the most, and Kevin being a close second surprises her even more, “for all of us.”

Patty smiles brightly and nods, and Holtzmann’s grin lights up the entire room; and as she grasps Erin’s hand, their wedding rings glint just as brightly as their smiles, and Erin realizes she’s never been happier than in this very moment, and she almost tears up herself as she thinks of all the good days to come.


	76. Chasing the Nightmares Away

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Based on this tumblr prompt: Person A of your OTP has been having reoccurring nightmares about Person B dying (despite B being alive).They always crawl into B’s bed for reassurance, having B cradle them and tell them it’s alright. One night A ends up throwing up because of how bad the nightmares have gotten, and B suggests that A sleep with them for a week to see if that clears it up. I think A= Erin, B= Holtzmann?

Being haunted for a year when she had been a mere child had done quite the number on Erin’s sleeping habits, and years of therapy hadn’t fixed that, either; even though she felt embarrassed about it, she couldn’t sleep in complete darkness, and used a nightlight, and still, her slumber was plagued by nightmares far more often than she’d liked.

It had gotten better after they had saved New York, for a while, long enough that Erin had dared to hope that perhaps, saving the city – maybe the world – had taken care of the nightmares for good, that maybe, she’d finally be able to sleep like a normal person, and not end up torn out of her sleep with tears drying on her cheeks every other night.

She had a month of peace, a month of proper sleep, feeling better each morning than she had in years… and then the nightmares came back, with a vengeance, worse than they ever had been before.

Erin dreamed of blood and death that first night the nightmares came back, and woke up with a scream stuck in her throat and tears trickling down her face, her heart racing in her chest so fast it hurt as she tried to forget the images which had haunted her sleep.

_It was just a bad dream. Just a nightmare. It wasn’t real._

She told herself this over and over, but the images wouldn’t leave her, the dreadful sight of Holtzmann on the ground, dead and bloody and broken; and even though it had been a nightmare, and not real, and part of her knew this, she suddenly just _had_ to make sure Holtzmann was okay, and before she could allow herself to overthink the impulse, Erin got out of bed and made her way to the engineer’s bedroom.

For a moment, Erin paused, not sure if she should knock or not – what if Holtzmann was asleep, she reasoned, and she woke her up? – then decided that she’d just take a careful peek into the room, to make sure Holtzmann was really alright; part of her felt stupid about doing this, but the need was too strong to ignore, and so, she soundlessly opened the door, only to find her gaze meeting the engineer’s, the blonde sitting on her bed with a laptop in her lap and looking at her curiously, then worried as she noticed the tears drying on her cheeks.

“Erin?” Holtzmann said before the physicist had the chance to say something, putting her laptop aside and getting up, “what is it? Are you okay?”

“I had to make sure you’re okay”, Erin mumbled in response, wiping at her face and feeling stupid and childish now, especially when Holtzmann looked confused, “I… God, I feel stupid. I had a nightmare in which something… happened to you so…”

At least, she thought to herself as her gaze dropped to the carpet beneath her feet and her cheeks heated up, Holtzmann had the decency to not let it show if she thought that this was indeed stupid behaviour; she heard the engineer put her laptop aside and get up, didn’t look up at once though, only daring to do so again when she felt the younger woman’s hand on her arm.

“Hey”, Holtzmann said, sounding so kind and caring that Erin just had to look up, mildly surprised to see nothing but concern and warmth in the engineer’s eyes, and none of the amusement and contempt she had expected at her childish behaviour, “it’s okay. I’m okay, see? It was a bad a dream.”

All at once, Erin just needed to hold her, to be close to her, reassure herself that she indeed was okay; and so, she took a small step closer to the engineer and hugged her tightly, a shaky breath escaping her when she felt Holtzmann wrap both arms around her and return the embrace.

“It’s all okay”, the engineer murmured to her, rubbing her back soothingly, “see? I’m perfectly fine. Just a nightmare.”

Erin nodded against her shoulder, but found it impossible to pull back; and so, Holtzmann kept holding her, and kept rubbing her back, until she finally had calmed down enough to end the embrace, feeling embarrassed again the moment her arms weren’t around the engineer anymore.

“You want to stay here for the rest of the night?” Holtzmann offered, the physicist feeling oddly grateful – part of her was longing to stay with the engineer, just to make sure she really was okay, but she hadn’t been sure how to ask, not wanting to come across as weird or clingy.

“Maybe you’ll sleep better if I’m there”, the blonde added, fidgeting a bit now, “it’s worth a try? Um, not to be too forward or anything…”

“I’d like that”, Erin admitted, managing a small smile, which widened a bit at the relief which was obvious on Holtzmann’s face, “I… I kinda don’t want to be alone right now. So if you really don’t mind…”

“Not at all”, Holtzmann reassured her, smiling again now, “especially not if it helps you get some proper rest. I was just about to go to bed anyway.”

Erin just gave her another thankful look, then watched how Holtzmann shut down her laptop, then got into bed, patting the mattress invitingly; the physicist hesitated another moment – perhaps, she thought, getting into bed with the engineer while she dealt with her attraction towards her wasn’t the best idea, but then, she really didn’t want to have another nightmare like the one which had woken her up – then climbed in with her, a small, but content sigh escaping her when Holtzmann pulled the blanket up over both of them.

“Comfy?” Holtzmann asked once they both were covered up, Erin nodding her agreement; she felt a bit awkward still, but the younger woman was a somewhat calming presence next to her, and somehow, this gave her the courage to speak up, her voice trembling a bit when she did so. “Um… would you mind… holding me? It’s okay if you don’t wanna…”

“Of course I don’t mind”, Holtzmann told her at once, then shifted a bit so she could put both arms around her; Erin moved slightly as well, ending up with her head resting on Holtzmann’s shoulder, feeling much better at once.

“Sleep tight”, the engineer mumbled, rubbing her back soothingly; Erin wished her the same, then let out another sigh as she closed her eyes and drifted off into sleep quickly, sleeping soundly through the rest of the night.

* * *

During the next few weeks, it became a sort of thing for Erin and Holtzmann to have the physicist end up in Holtzmann’s bed in the middle of the night, whenever the nightmares would get too bad for her to handle on her own; she always made sure to return to her own room in the early hours of the morning, not wanting Abby or Patty to catch her come out of Holtzmann’s room, but had to admit to herself that she did enjoy the nights she got to sleep in the younger woman’s arms, feeling oddly safe and comforted whenever the engineer embraced her and cuddled with her.

It made the nightmares easier to bear, for a while… until Erin had one so bad that Holtzmann found her in the bathroom, in the midst of a panic attack, shaking and sobbing as she had thrown up a minute before the engineer had stepped into the small room.

Holtzmann didn’t even bother to ask her if she was okay, but simply knelt down next to her and rubbed her back soothingly; keeping her voice low so she wouldn’t wake the others, she asked Erin if she should get her anything, water or perhaps tea, the physicist shaking her head after a moment.

“I’m sorry”, she then mumbled, briefly closing her eyes, feeling dizzy after vomiting, “I didn’t mean to wake you up…”

“I was still awake”, Holtzmann reassured her, still rubbing her back, “another nightmare?”

Erin just nodded, not bothering anymore to tell her what it had been about – by now, she’d had this specific nightmare often enough, and had reacted badly often enough, that the engineer knew without being specifically told.

“Poor you”, Holtzmann showed sympathy, earning a miserable look from the other woman; eager to make her feel better, Holtzmann gently helped her to her feet and, without any explanations necessary, led her to her bedroom, pulling her into her arms the moment they both had laid down and the blanket had been pulled up over them.

“This has helped, no?” the engineer said once they both had gotten comfortable, “sleeping here with me I mean?”

“Yes”, Erin confirmed at once, by now not feeling awkward anymore about the situation, “a lot, actually…”

“Again, not to be too forward or anything”, Holtzmann said, rubbing her back yet again and making her smile slightly, “but maybe you should sleep here all night for a few days? And not just come here after a bad dream? Maybe that’ll get rid of them completely?”

“It’s worth a try”, Erin said after a moment, not quite admitting to herself that she very much enjoyed the thought of spending several nights in a row in bed with Holtzmann, “if you really don’t mind…?”

“Nah, I never mind your company, hot stuff”, Holtzmann reassured her, and Erin was glad that it was dark in the room, as it would hide how deeply her cheeks flushed at the nickname, “and if it helps, I’ll more than gladly share my bed with you.”

Erin blushed again at this, but managed a smile; and before she could overthink her next impulse, and maybe stop herself, she craned her neck and pressed a tender kiss to Holtzmann’s cheek, mumbling “Thank you” before she quickly drifted off into sleep.

Holtzmann laid awake for a while longer, grinning to herself, still feeling Erin’s lips on her skin.

* * *

A week after continuously sleeping in Holtzmann’s bed, Erin once again felt much better, having slumbered peacefully through the nights; she worried that the nightmares might come back at some point, once she’d go back to sleeping her own room, but Holtzmann had made it more than clear that Erin was welcome to share her bed any time, no matter if it’d just be for part of the night or several nights in a row again, and that knowledge alone made her feel better about sleeping in her own bed again.

She also had to admit to herself that she quite enjoyed sharing a bed with Holtzmann; as it had turned out, the engineer was an excellent cuddler, and the way she’d rub her back until she’d fallen asleep made her feel almost overwhelmingly safe and comfortable, her own bed feeling too empty and cold whenever she laid in it.

And so, one lonely night, she decided to go Holtzmann’s bed even though she hadn’t had a nightmare; as most of the time when Erin came to her room, the engineer was still awake, but willing to go to bed at once if it meant that the physicist would get some proper rest then.

“Um, before you offer”, Erin mumbled, blushing and fidgeting a bit, “I… didn’t have a nightmare this time. I just felt… lonely, and… this is always so nice so…”

“I told you, hot stuff”, Holtzmann replied, Erin’s blush deepening in reply, “you’re welcome here any time. No matter if it’s a nightmare or not.”

“Thank you”, Erin gave back, with a nervous smile, feeling much less nervous though when Holtzmann patted the bed next to her; she crawled in quickly, and snuggled up to the other woman, a content sigh escaping her as she rested her head on the engineer’s shoulder.

“You’re the best”, she mumbled, “and so comfy. Good night.”

Perhaps, she’d later think to herself, it was that she was so comfortable, and attracted to Holtzmann, and just generally feeling good from the moment on the blonde’s arms had embraced her; in the long run though, Erin figured it didn’t really matter – it didn’t matter why she raised her head to kiss Holtzmann, right on the mouth this time, just that she had done it.

The kiss remained fairly innocent and brief, Erin’s hart racing in her chest though anyway as she pulled back, wondering how Holtzmann would react; the engineer stared back at her for a few seconds – and then broke into a wide grin, the sight making Erin’s heart sing.

“That was awesome”, the blonde declared before the physicist had a chance to say something, “can we do that again?”

Erin let out a little laugh in reply, then nodded before she kissed the engineer again; and even though she had been somewhat tired when she had gone to Holtzmann’s room, it took quite a while after that until they went to sleep.

Neither of them minded the slightest.


	77. A Helping Hand

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Based on this tumblr prompt: Holtzmann breaks her dominant arm and is in pain but going stir crazy because she can't do any tinkering with her inventions. Erin tries to help her.

They all were somewhat used to poofs coming from the upstairs lab, ranging from tiny to medium; usually, these were followed by Holtzmann calling out “All good!”, or some other sort of reassurance that she was okay, and so, it hardly ever fazed the other three Ghostbusters – or Kevin – anymore.

What did faze them though was a medium poof, followed by a string of curse words from the engineer which would have made a sailor blush.

“Erin, go make sure your girlfriend didn’t break her other arm”, Abby said, looking up at the ceiling in worry; Erin was already halfway up from her seat, nodding her agreement, a look of concern on her face as she walked to the stairwell, glad when at least, she saw no signs of fire from the second floor.

_Well, radiation isn’t visible though_ , she thought to herself, grimacing; then, she forced those thoughts aside as she reached the top of the stairs, relieved to find Holtzmann apparently unharmed, apart from the cast which was encasing her right forearm from the tips of her fingers to her elbow.

“You okay?” she still asked, just to be on the safe side; Holtzmann gave her an uncharacteristically grumpy look and tossed the screwdriver she had apparently had been working with down onto the workbench, sounding as grumpy as she looked when she replied.

“No”, she said, glaring at the tool as if it was to blame, “because apparently, while my brain is that of a genius, my left hand has the IQ of a roasted potato. Dammit.”

Feeling bad for her girlfriend, Erin rubbed her back soothingly, knowing how difficult this was for Holtzmann – building things was one of the things which helped her to quieten her ever-busy mind, and ever since she had broken her arm during a bust the previous week, her mood had grown steadily worse with each day that had passed and she had been unable to do any proper work.

Finally, this morning, she had given in, and had decided to try working on her latest project with her one good, but apparently stupid hand; and of course it had gone wrong, making her feel even angrier and more frustrated than she had before.

“Poor you”, Erin showed sympathy, still rubbing her back, “but it’s just a few more weeks Holtz, then you can go back to working…”

“Just a few more weeks”, Holtzmann repeated snidely, her tone quite cutting, even though Erin told herself not to take it personal, knowing it wasn’t her the engineer was angry at; still she couldn’t keep the flash of hurt from showing through her features, and immediately, Holtzmann’s face fell.

“I’m sorry”, she sighed, running her hand down her face, “I didn’t mean to snap at you. It’s just so frustrating, you know, buildings things is what I _do_ , such a big part of who I am and if I can’t do that…”

“I understand”, Erin reassured her, moving to stand behind her so she could embrace her, “and I know it’s frustrating. But honey, it won’t help anyone, especially not you, if you blow yourself up working with your left hand.”

“I knoooow”, Holtzmann said in a whiny tone, her frustration quickly turning into sadness, “but I feel so useless, Erin, I can’t even repair the bit of damage at Abby’s pack…”

“Can I help?” Erin wanted to know, eager to make her feel better even though she was all too aware that her talents were more on the theoretical side, “maybe, I don’t know, if you told me what to do? It might make you feel better, too…”

“…worth a try”, the engineer said, smiling a bit again, touched by the redhead’s offer, also knowing quite well that Erin preferred to work with her mind and not with her hands – busts not included –, “if you really want to do this…?”

“I’d do anything for you”, Erin replied solemnly, smiling again though when Holtzmann blushed visibly in reply – normally, after all, she was the one who’d turn red when the engineer said lovely or sometimes kinky things to her, “so if you think I can help you out, let’s do it.”

“I have not the slightest doubt you can do it”, Holtzmann told her, making her smile; they shared a brief kiss, then got to work, and even though Holtzmann couldn’t do any practical work herself, it did make her feel better to watch Erin as she carefully instructed her on what to do, the feelings of uselessness which had plagued her fading away as they worked together.

* * *

“They’ve been way too quiet up there”, Abby stated, peering at the ceiling again as if she’d be able to look through it if she just stared hard enough, “should we go check on them?”

“You go”, Patty replied at once, her next words making the researcher snicker, “remember, last time I checked on them, before Holtzy broke her arm, I walked in on them doing the nasty on the couch up there!”

“Fiiiiine”, Abby said with a roll of her eyes, “I’ll go look. Let’s hope my hair won’t turn white again in case I catch them, too.”

Patty just snickered, earning another eyeroll from the smaller woman; then, Abby walked up the stairs, purposefully making more noise than necessary, just in case, smiling to herself though when she reached the second floor and got a good look at the couple.

Despite the noise she had made, Erin and Holtzmann clearly hadn’t noticed her, and she couldn’t blame them; she could tell that they both were highly concentrated, Erin sitting at one of the workbenches and Holtzmann standing behind her, her good hand resting on the physicist’s shoulder as she instructed her, keeping a close eye on what she was doing.

Not wanting to disturb their concentration, Abby snuck back downstairs, earning a questioning look from Patty at her obvious tries to move quietly; the historian wanted to know if the “two crazy lovebirds” were okay up there, Abby smiling as she nodded.

“And you’ll be happy to hear”, she then said, “that Holtzmann apparently has found a way to deal with her broken-arm-frustration. She’s telling Erin what to do and Erin does it for her and it seems to work.”

Just as she said the last work, a loud poof could be heard from upstairs, and both women flinched; then, they heard Erin call out “all good!”, followed by Holtzmann adding “your first medium poof, hot stuff!”, the two of them laughing hysterically afterwards while Abby and Patty just rolled their eyes.

“Great”, Patty said, “now we got _two_ crazy scientists up there. Lord help us.”

Abby just sighed, and nodded, and went back to work, and neither of them flinched when they heard a medium poof from the lab again.


	78. Stairway to the Skies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This does NOT have a happy ending. Fair warning, it is filled with angst and death! Also, my Holtzbro maschinenmensch insists I say here that she had nothing to do with that one-shot, and that is true, it's all my evilness.

As so often, Erin is the first to arrive at the firehouse; the whole building is quiet, the only sounds those she creates as she takes off her jacket and walks to desk, high heels clicking softly on the floor.

She puts her bag down on the ground next to the desk, then walks on to the kitchen, routine in her movements as she prepares coffee; leaning against the counter, she waits until it is done, takes the first sip right then and there before she goes back to her desk.

Only then, the package lying on it catches her eye, behind her shut laptop, no postal stamp or anything on it, just “Erin” scrawled on it with bold strokes of black marker, and Erin smiles as she easily recognizes Holtzmann’s handwriting.

Curious, she opens the package, and pulls out a slim plastic case; inside there’s a DVD, and the black marker has been used on its surface, as well, declaring that it is for her, too.

Eager to see what the DVD contains, Erin starts her laptop, fingers tapping the surface of her desk impatiently as she waits for it to finish booting; and the moment it is ready, she puts the DVD in the drive and clicks Play.

The image fills the screen, wobbles a bit as the camera is adjusted; then, she gets a good view of Holtzmann’s back as the engineer walks past the camera and to the chair she’s readied and sits down, smiling brightly.

“Hi hot stuff”, she says, with a little wave, and Erin smiles, “this one’s just for you, I might say some x-rated stuff as the day progresses, but if you want to share with Abby and Patty, it’s fine with me, too. You know, I was planning to make this grand amazing outdoorsy video just for you, but I figured that you wouldn’t get to see much of me then, so it’s the lab instead.”

“That’s fine”, Erin says, as if Holtzmann can hear her, and leans back in her chair; she takes another sip of coffee as Holtzmann grins into the camera, then moves to her workbench and, after a brief detour to switch on the music, gets to work.

It’s fairly tame at first, the engineer humming along to the music as she works, fingers moving deftly and with long practiced ease; holding on to her coffee cup, Erin watches, she doesn’t even mind that Holtzmann doesn’t say anything for a while, but just works, brow furrowed in concentration.

“So, you know”, the blonde then suddenly says, looking at the camera for a second before she goes on, “this is the next generation proton shotgun. You’ll have a lot of fun with that one, babe, I made it even more powerful, but it’ll have less of a kickback. Remember when you shot it one-handed that one time and sprained your wrist? I told you not to do that.”

“I remember”, Erin says, glad that she’s still alone, the other would think she’s lost her mind if they found her like this, talking to the screen of her laptop, “it hurt. But you took good care of it.”

“You refused to go to the hospital, so I took care of it the best I could”, Holtzmann says a second later, “and since you could use your hand perfectly well in the shower a week after that little incident, I imagine I did a good job.”

She winks at the camera, and Erin lets out a little laugh, thinking back to that particular shower, one which had had nothing to do with slime or dirt, but had been all about Holtzmann and herself, and how good it had been.

Then the song changes, and Holtzmann lets out a sound of joy, as it’s one of her favourites; she forgets all about the proton shotgun, drops her tools and winks at the camera again before she starts dancing, and Erin leans forward again, transfixed by the sight.

She loves watching Holtzmann dance.

Halfway through the song, the engineer slows down, then dances back to the workbench, mumbling “have to finish this”; she goes back to work, but her hips keep swaying to the beat, and Erin keeps smiling.

It does on like that for a few more minutes, Holtzmann providing a running commentary as she works; then, she apparently gets done, since she lifts the weapon up with an enthusiastic “Ta-daaa!” and presents it to the camera, beaming proudly.

“And it’s all yours, hot stuff”, she adds, carefully lowering the shotgun back onto the workbench, “unless you want to share it with the others. Anyway! Have I ever told you my favourite joke? I don’t think I did.”

She has, but Erin doesn’t mind hearing it again, and it’s a video anyway, and she sees that it’s close to ending, so she doesn’t skip the joke.

“So Erin”, Holtzmann says, smirking, a twinkle in her eyes the physicist can see even through the camera and the yellow tinted lenses, “why can you never trust atoms?”

She pauses, as if giving her a chance to answer, then cackles, and Erin smiles too as she goes on, no matter how cheesy that joke is. “They make up everything!”

Holtzmann laughs, and Erin laughs too, even though her laughter stops when Holtzmann turns off the music, then looks at the camera again, serious all at once, sounding much quieter and a bit tired and now Erin wants to stop the video, but doesn’t.

“Erin, you’re my everything”, she says, looking straight into the camera, and Erin looks back at her, right into her eyes, “and I love you. I’m sorry I died.”

The screen goes black as the video ends, and for a while, Erin just sits there, looking at her reflection in the dark screen; and even now, she morbidly thinks to herself, pale and gaunt and with dark rings beneath her eyes, she looks better than Holtzmann did, at the end.

She takes a moment to run one hand down her face, then closes the player before she removes the DVD from the drive and carefully puts it back into the plastic case; and the case goes back into the package, and the package goes back to where she’s found it.

She’s found it there every single day for the past three weeks, and she knows it’s not healthy, but it lets her pretend, at least for a little while.

And with Holtzmann gone, pretending is all she has left.

 

_I slowly start to realize_  
We won't reunite  
I still have to march on through  
I dream of a stairway to the skies

Within Temptation – Stairway to the Skies

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry.


	79. Finally Free

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Based on this tumblr prompt: Erin randomly asking Holtz what it's like (or feels like) to be out of the closet and so free about her sexuality. This is on a rare occasion where it's not painstakingly obvious to onlookers that Erin is a raging bisexual (but instead a deeply repressed one that struggles to accept herself because of shitty parents) and then maybe she might come out to Holtz?

Erin’s had a few drinks, and perhaps, that is how she finds the courage. She’s not _drunk_ , per se, just a bit tipsy, just enough to be honest with herself – and to be daring, and so, after Abby and Patty have gone off to bed, she goes to Holtzmann in her lab, the engineer having insisted on getting some work done even though she’s not exactly sober anymore, either.

“Holtz?” she says as she knocks the doorframe, just to be polite; at one of her workbenches, Holtzmann stops her work and turns on the stool to look at her, smiling the moment their eyes meet.

“Hey hot stuff”, she says, and Erin knows she can’t blame the alcohol for her blush, but she still does, “something I can help you with?”

“Yes. No. I don’t know.” Erin feels her cheeks heat up more, and almost turns and walks away again; she knows though that, if she doesn’t ask now, she never will, and she has to, she has to get this off her chest or it will crush her heart at some point.

Holtzmann raises an eyebrow, but makes no comment about her confusing answer; instead, she pats the stool next to her own, and Erin hesitates for a moment before she moves to sit next to her, clearing her throat once she’s gotten comfortable, fingers fidgeting nervously as she tries to find the right words.

“I was…”, she starts, then trails off, she really wants to know, has to know, but she doesn’t know how to ask, and the last thing she wants is to say this wrong and offend Holtzmann, and not just because they have to work together day after day.

“I was wondering”, she tries again, after the engineer has given her an encouraging look, “um… before I can say or ask this… promise you won’t get mad?”

“I promise, Erin”, Holtzmann gives back at once, uncharacteristically sincere, and even addressing her with her name and not one of the many pet names she has for her, showing that she’s perfectly aware that Erin has something serious on her mind, and acknowledging it.

“I was wondering”, Erin starts again, after a few deep breaths, “you’re so… so unapologetically… yourself. About… everything, and, you know…”

“Oh the gay thing?” Holtzmann immediately, and a bit uncannily, knows what Erin is talking about; and she blushes again, and hates herself for it, but nods, her fidgeting increasing as she finds it hard to look the blonde in the eye any longer.

“Yes”, Erin confirms, barely audible at this point, “how… how do you do it? How does it make you feel?”

“You know, I never really thought much about that”, Holtzmann tells her, earning a look of mild surprise, “it’s just who I am. Always have been. Among my eccentric and sometimes annoying personality traits, being gay was just another thing that made me different. So I figured, what the Hell, might as well embrace it along with all my other quirks and oddities.”

“You make it sound so easy”, Erin mumbles, envious, perhaps she is giving away too much by saying this, but right in this moment, she doesn’t care.

And Holtzmann picks up on that, or on _something_ , because she grasps Erin’s hand and holds it tenderly, and it sends a jolt all the way up to her shoulder, and she wonders if Holtzmann has picked that up, as well.

“You know”, the engineer says, makes Erin look at her again, “I’ve decided, that is who I am, and if someone doesn’t like it, it’s their problem, not mine. That has worked out quite well so far in my life so…”

Erin smiles weakly at that, not even really listening anymore, too focused on how Holtzmann’s fingers feel, curled around hers; and as if she wants to increase that feeling, Holtzmann runs her thumb over Erin’s knuckles, and her breath hitches a bit.

“I have the feeling you ask me this for a specific reason”, the engineer says, and Erin swallows heavily, “do you… want to talk about it? If not, it’s okay too. Or if you want to talk at a later point. Or never. Whatever you prefer.”

“What I prefer is part of the problem”, Erin mumbles, and this is more than she ever has said about what had been plaguing her for years; she’s ignored it successfully, most of her life, and it has been frighteningly easy for a lot of that time, but then Holtzmann has happened, and it’s been so much harder ever since the engineer winked at her and asked her that cheesy pick-up line.

She wishes, all at once, that Holtzmann might ask her, say it for her, so all she’ll have to do is nod; Holtzmann doesn’t do her that favour though, but just looks at her, and keeps running her thumb over her knuckles, and suddenly, Erin just knows that she waits for her to say it, that she knows Erin _has_ to say it out loud for herself.

“I’ve never told this to anyone”, the physicist says, barely above a whisper now, and suddenly she feels terrified, because what if Holtzmann laughs at her, or says she just wants attention, or doesn’t believe her… then Holtzmann squeezes her hand again, and gives her an encouraging look, and she tells herself not to be stupid, this is _Holtzmann_ , if anyone understands, it’ll be her.

“I’ve barely admitted it to myself”, Erin goes on, earning another reassuring squeeze of her hand, “I thought that… I don’t know, if I don’t acknowledge it, or act on it, it’ll… go away. Because I’m weird enough as it is, right, with my anxieties and insecurities and with how neurotic I am, so I always thought I don’t have to… add to all that. By… being not straight. God, I can’t even say it out loud now, with just you here…”

“Just say it once”, Holtzmann suggests, smiling, “it’ll get easier then, I promise. I’ve been there Erin, I know how you feel. And you don’t even have to say the whole word, just say the short version.”

Erin swallows heavily in response, but nods bravely, and tells herself she can do this; she takes in a deep breath, and Holtzmann squeezes her hand encouragingly, but still Erin can’t raise her voice much above a whisper when she finally does speak up.

“I’m pretty sure I’m bi”, she says, and it’s as if this has unclogged some sort of dam inside her, because all at once, the words just flood out of her, “no, wait, that was… I’m not just pretty sure, I know it. I _know_ it, I’ve known it all my life…”

She’s sounding a bit frantic now, and she realizes it, but she can’t stop, the words just have to get out, she feels as if she’ll explode if she’ll try to keep them in.

“I’ve known but I’ve ignored it”, she blurts out, Holtzmann squeezing her hand again, “because I was enough of a freak, Ghost Girl and everything, and if I had told my parents they only would have thought I’m making things up again to get attention and it worked, ignoring it worked, I just told myself it’s nothing, not important, that I’m straight but then I met you and I can’t ignore it anymore, I have to think about it all the time, have to think about being bisexual all the time and I just want to _kiss_ you and…”

“Hey”, Holtzmann interrupts her, a bit alarmed as the physicist is close to hyperventilating now, and hiding quite well how giddy the last few words make her feel, “Erin, calm down. It’s okay. It’s nothing bad, or wrong, and I don’t think you’re making it up for attention or something, okay? No one in their right mind is going to think that. It’s okay.”

Erin slumps against her in response, and clings to her, a shudder running through her body; Holtzmann holds her close and rubs her back, and her heart aches for the physicist as she thinks of the years, the _decades_ Erin has repressed this part of herself, too scared of judgement and scorn to be who she really is.

“And, you know”, Holtzmann goes on after Erin has just breathed into her shoulder for a while, and the shuddering has stopped, “I want to kiss you, too.”

Erin lifts her head at that, and the look of surprise on her face makes Holtzmann smirk, even though it hurts her heart a bit, as well, because Erin shouldn’t look so surprised, not after months of the engineer flirting with her.

“You do?” Erin wants to know, and the honest surprise and disbelief makes the ache worse, “really?”

“Really”, Holtzmann confirms, making her smile again even though she hurts for the physicist, “what, you don’t think the flirting was just for fun, right?”

“I’m not sure what I think about it”, Erin mumbles, blushing a bit again, “I mean… of course I wanted it to be sincere, part of me, but… you know, I don’t get why you’d want to hit on me in earnest. I’m nothing special.”

“You’re a brilliant, beautiful and funny badass Ghostbuster”, Holtzmann tells her, making her blush again, “sounds pretty special to me.”

Erin’s blush deepens, but she doesn’t try to contradict her; instead, she clears her throat, her gaze briefly drops to Holtzmann’s lips and then comes back up to meet the engineer’s, the tiniest tremble in her voice when she speaks up again, just enough for Holtzmann to hear it.

“So…”, the physicist says, fingers fidgeting again, “about that kiss…? I’d like to… kiss you. Now?”

“Whenever you want, hot stuff”, Holtzmann says with another smile, and after a second of smiling back at her, Erin leans in and kisses her, and it’s as good as she’s imagined during the long, lonely nights in her apartment, better, even, it makes her heart race and her palms sweaty, but in a good way, and when they pull apart again she can’t stop smiling.

“That was nice”, she mumbles, heart skipping a beat when Holtzmann squeezes her hand, “I’d like to do that again.”

“As often as you like”, Holtzmann smiles at her, and this time, Erin doesn’t even need another second before her lips are on the engineer’s again.

She knows this won’t magically make everything better, she knows it’ll be difficult, years of repressing part of herself won’t just fade away from a few kisses – but for the first time in decades, she’s confident that it’ll be fine, and she firmly believes that she can do this.

She feels that she can do _anything_ with Holtzmann.


	80. After Midnight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Based on this tumblr prompt: I was listening to Boyz II Men's Pass You By & immediately thought of Holtzbert, "Don't have to stay with someone that makes you cry, you're end up killing all the love you have inside."

None of the other Ghostbusters had been able to figure out why on Earth Erin had agreed to go out with Phil again when he had asked her, shortly after they had saved New York, and perhaps, even Erin herself wasn’t quite sure why she had said yes.

“He seemed really sorry”, she’d said to Abby, when the researcher had expressed her disbelief over the upcoming date with the man, “and it’s just one date. What could go wrong?”

_What could go wrong._

Holtzmann had been the one who’d been hurt the most by Erin going out with the man again, but she had hidden her dismay about it the best, as well, and even had managed a fake smile and had been able to wish Erin a good night out, all without screaming to the skies about how much the thought of this man’s hands on her Erin hurt.

Only that Erin wasn’t _her_ Erin, perhaps never would be – certainly not if Erin hooked up with this guy for good again – and all she could do was accept the facts, because the physicist meant too much to her to risk the friendship by openly confessing what she felt for her.

So, Holtzmann wished her a nice evening, then retreated to her lab, and there she stayed, getting lost in her work, keeping her mind from wandering to images of Erin and Phil as she moved from project to project, working with stubborn singlemindedness.

She barely registered how Abby and Patty went home, too focused on her work; and they both knew her well enough at this point to be perfectly aware of how upset she was, and thus didn’t try talking her into going home, too, simply letting her know that she should call if she needed anything before they left her alone.

Her work always had been an escapism for her, and so, Holtzmann soon forget all about her troubles, and didn’t notice how time flew by – until she heard the door slam downstairs, and jumped, and almost automatically looked at her watch, startled to see it was half past midnight.

And then, she heard the soft sobbing from downstairs, and her heart clenched painfully in her chest.

From one second to the next, her work was forgotten, her tools clattering to the workbench as she practically jumped up; not bothering with the stairs, Holtzmann slid down the pole, landing with a resounding _thump_ , her mind already filling with scenarios about all the horrible things she would do to Phil if he had hurt Erin.

The physicist was sitting on the couch in the lobby, where their clients could wait or sit to take a breath in case they were upset; and clearly, she was upset, as well, looking up at her with teary eyes before she buried her face in her hands again.

“Erin”, Holtzmann said, then fell silent, realizing she had no idea what to say or do to make this better; feeling oddly subdued, she walked to where Erin was sitting and sat down next to her, after a moment of hesitation placing one hand on the older woman’s trembling back.

“Erin”, she tried again, her mind racing as she tried to find the right words, just to make the flow of tears stop, “what… did something happen?”

Her first impulse was to ask if Phil hurt her, but she knew that a million other things could have been the reason for Erin’s tears, and saying the wrong thing might only make her worse; and so, she held back her suspicions, only to realize that there had been no need for that when Erin sniffled, then responded.

“I should have known”, she said, sounding so desolate that it broke Holtzmann’s heart, “I’m so stupid, God, I never learn…”

“What happened?” Holtzmann asked again, only to backpedal when Erin started to cry harder in response, “but, um, you don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to, of course…”

“I’m so stupid”, Erin repeated, sniffling, and giving Holtzmann a grateful look when the engineer found a hanky in her pocket and handed it to her; she took a moment to wipe her eyes and blow her nose, then stared down on her feet in misery, Holtzmann not saying anything as she waited for the physicist to go on.

“I really thought he’d changed”, Erin did just that after a moment, wiping at her eyes again before she crumpled the hanky in her hand, “he seemed so sincere when he asked me out and as if he… I don’t know, as if he accepts all of this. But one of the first things he said was how he could get me back into Columbia, and when I told him I have no interest in going back there, he got… mean.”

Her fingers tightened around the hanky as anger suddenly flashed up in her eyes; Holtzmann knew it wasn’t directed at her though, and thus just kept rubbing her back, not pulling back even when Erin spoke on, her anger clearly showing through her voice.

“Get me back into Columbia!” she said, eyes blazing, “as if I’d need his help for that! I told him that Filmore already tried after we saved the city, and that I shot him down, and still he kept going on about how this would be so much better than being a Ghostbuster! I can’t believe I wasted an evening on this… this jerk!”

She stared at her feet in anger for a few more seconds, her face working – before the tears increased again, and she slumped against a surprised Holtzmann, the engineer feeling a bit awkward as she put one arm around her, trying to figure out how to make this better.

“I’m so stupid”, Erin said again, the fury gone from her voice, replaced by a hurt so deep that it made Holtzmann’s heart clench up, “for going out with him. But then, it’s not like people are lining up to date me, right, so what could I say but Yes?”

“What?” Holtzmann gave back, this talk having taken a turn she hadn’t expected the slightest – she knew that Erin had issues with her self-esteem, but still she hadn’t been prepared to basically hear the physicist say she only had agreed because she’d thought no one else would want her.

“Well, it’s true”, Erin mumbled, gaze focusing on the floor between her feet again, “it’s not like anyone else has asked me out in forever. Maybe that’s why I said yes when he asked me, because who else would…”

“I would”, Holtzmann blurted out before she could stop herself, Erin giving her a wide-eyed stare in reply; she held the physicist’s gaze with a deer-in-the-headlights look for a few seconds, swallowing heavily as she fully realized what she just had said.

“Um”, she let out, while Erin just kept staring at her, clearly not having expected this, “I mean… Um…”

She swallowed heavily, all too aware of her blunder – before she came to her feet and practically bolted, rushing back to the safety of her lab, her heart racing in her chest as she stared at her projects, and asked herself if she had ruined the friendship between Erin and herself for good now.

For a while, Holtzmann just pretended to work, listening for any noise from downstairs, wondering if she should dare to hope that Erin would come upstairs so they could talk about this; the downstairs remained silent though, and with each minute that passed, she felt worse.

Erin never came upstairs, and when she heard the door close at three a.m., it felt as if the sound was shattering her heart.

* * *

Holtzmann awoke in the next morning on the couch in her lab, and for a few wonderful seconds, she didn’t remember what had happened the previous evening; then, the memories came back, and she wanted to curl up and go back to sleep, just so she wouldn’t have to think about the epic mess she had made of things.

And as if to make things even worse, she now heard footsteps come up the stairs to her lab, and she knew that it was Erin, she could tell from how they sounded, and briefly she entertained the thought to escape through the window just so she wouldn’t have to face the physicist.

“Holtzmann?” Erin said before she could actually make this idea a reality, “do you… have a moment?”

Holding back a sigh, Holtzmann sat up on the couch in response; Erin had stopped in the doorway, moved to where she was sitting though in response to the engineer reacting to her words, the blonde speaking up before the physicist had the chance to say something though.

“I’m sorry about yesterday”, she mumbled, in the stilted, hurried tone Erin knew by now as a clear sign that she was uncomfortable, “I shouldn’t have said that, I didn’t think, I didn’t want to make you uncomfortable or something, but… you were so sad and you shouldn’t be with a jerk like him just because you’d think no one else would want you, cause that’s not true, and that wouldn’t be good for you and… I’m sorry.”

She fell silent and stared at the floor, not daring to look up at Erin’s face; she heard the redhead move, then Erin sat down next to her and surprised her by taking tender hold of her hand, making her look at her after another moment of hesitation.

“I’m sorry I just walked off yesterday”, Erin said, earning a surprised look from the engineer, “I just… I got a bit overwhelmed. But I had to time to think about… all of this, so now I want to ask you something…”

Holtzmann wasn’t quite sure what to expect now, but nodded, anyway, figuring it wouldn’t be that bad, since Erin didn’t look angry or annoyed; the redhead took a deep breath, then asked her question, her eyes never leaving Holtzmann’s as she did so.

“Holtzmann”, she started, even smiling a bit now again, “would you… go out with me? Tonight? On a date?”

“Yes”, the engineer replied at once, without missing a beat, unable to hold back a wide grin, barely able to believe her luck; Erin smiled back at her, squeezing her hand, then said “Excellent”, and earned a laugh from the engineer which made her giggle, as well.

Perhaps, she thought to herself as she took in the pure, undiluted joy on Holtzmann’s face, the date with Phil had been a mess and a mistake, but this outcome certainly made it worth it.


	81. Fractured

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Based on this tumblr prompt: How about a story where Erin gets seriously injured to the point of brain damage and/or memory loss and Holtz has to help her relearn things and come back to herself?

**Incident**

It happens fast, because these things always do. A moment of concentration slipping, just a second of not enough attention, and it happens.

A flash of movement, glass shattering, and then Erin’s gone, and Holtzmann can hear Abby scream as she stands frozen, unable to move a muscle, unable to look away from the broken window the ghost just has thrown Erin out of.

Abby forgets all about the ghost and runs, almost falls down the stairs in her haste to get to Erin, and this snaps Holtzmann out of her stupor, and she wants to run after Abby but she doesn’t because the ghost is still there and it’s laughing, laughing at what it did to Erin, and suddenly Holtzmann sees red.

The ghost doesn’t last long after that.

By the time she makes it downstairs, Abby has called an ambulance, and is kneeling next to Erin, and Erin isn’t moving, and Holtzmann feels her heart plummet all the way to her stomach when she sees all the blood, realizes _how much_ there is, forming a sick crimson halo around Erin’s head.

Holtzmann falls down on her knees next to her, she wants to touch her but doesn’t dare to, so she clenches her hands into tight fists instead, and she wants to talk to her, plead her to be okay and to stay with her, but her throat is tight and there’s no air in her lungs and all she can do is stare.

Then the ambulance arrives, and as the ambulance men take care of Erin and put her on a stretcher and into the car, and the sight of Erin lifeless and pale and bloodied on that stretcher makes her break and she starts to cry in Patty’s arms, barely hearing the taller woman’s reassurances that Erin is going to be okay.

Holtzmann wants to believe her, but the puddle of blood on the sidewalk is so _big_ and she doesn’t know if she can.

**Hospital**

It has been two weeks and Holtzmann looks like a zombie. Not that she’s aware of it, because she barely ever leaves Erin’s room, and when she does, she comes back as fast as possible, because Erin might wake up any moment, and doesn’t waste time with checking herself in a mirror.

If she had, it might have scared her, because Patty isn’t exaggerating when she says that Holtzmann looks like an extra from _The Walking Dead_ ; her skin is pale, her eyes are bloodshot with circles so dark that they look like bruising beneath them, and she’s lost weight in the fourteen days Erin has been in a coma.

Patty and Abby bring her food and beverages, and she eats and drinks them without tasting them, and sleeps in the uncomfortable chair next to Erin’s bed, because Erin might wake up any moment.

That is what Holtzmann tells herself, anyway, the doctors are more cautious, there’s been talk of brain damage and long term consequences, but Holtzmann ignores those words, because she loves Erin no matter what and Erin loves her and she won’t let it happen that an overeager Class IV takes Erin away from her.

She loves Erin no matter what, but she’s scared.

**Consequences**

It’s another eight days until Erin wakes up, and when she does, it’s bittersweet.

Her memory is fine, at least, Holtzmann tells herself as she sits next to her bed and holds her hand, but there has been damage done, and it’s all too easy to spot it.

Erin has trouble forming words, and Holtzmann can tell how much it frustrates her, how hard it is for her that the words are _there_ in her mind, but get jumbled and messed up somewhere on the way from her brain to her mouth and come out sometimes wrong, sometimes unintelligible.

One time, Erin asks her if she’s slept in the pal, the friend, the chum, because it’s the closest her fractured mind can get to _chair_ , and Holtzmann doesn’t catch on fast enough and when Erin starts to cry in frustration, her heart breaks.

She holds her, then, and tells her it will be okay and that it will get better, and she hopes that she’s not lying.

Hours later, when Erin is asleep, Holtzmann cries, too, cries for the brilliant mind which has been torn apart and for her girlfriend and in fear that it won’t get better.

Erin’s motor functions have taken damage, too, she has difficulties with grasping things and sometimes her hands won’t listen to the commands her brain sends to them; and when she, three weeks after she woke up, is allowed to get out of bed for the first time, she feels strangely unbalanced, each step has to be made with conscious effort, and she has to hold on to Holtzmann the whole time.

They tell her that this will get better with physical therapy, the doctors are cautiously optimistic about this, and Holtzmann allows herself to be, too, but Erin isn’t, and when she drops her glass for the third time that one day because her fingers just don’t _work_ she loses it and gets so angry and lashes out at the first target, which is Holtzmann, and when she tries to say angry, spiteful words, they don’t come out right, and that only makes her angrier.

Holtzmann lets Erin shout at her, and even lets her beat down on her with weak, trembling fists, until Erin breaks and cries and tells her over and over how sorry she is, and Holtzmann holds her and tells her it will be okay.

She hopes again that this is not a lie.

**Homecoming**

Eight weeks after she’s been thrown out the window, Erin returns to the firehouse.

She walks slower than she used to, but the physical therapy is having an effect, and her legs aren’t as treacherously weak and trembling as they have been; she still drops and breaks things though, and her speech doesn’t work quite right.

She’s scared, so scared, to look at her whiteboard, she doesn’t know what she’ll do if the numbers will be as jumbled and confused as her words.

Erin knows that she has to face it though, sooner or later, and so, she has Holtzmann help her up to the second floor, where the whiteboard is waiting, looming and threatening, a place she’s loved before her fall and which she fears now.

She takes one look at the whiteboard and starts to cry, and Holtzmann panics, and it takes Erin a while to tell her that she’s crying out of relief and not sadness – and she says _tears of boy_ the first few tries because _joy_ just won’t come out of her mouth – because it _makes sense,_ the numbers and equations _make so much sense_ , as they always have, and she’s so happy.

She holds on to Holtzmann and cries, and Holtzmann rubs her back and feels her own eyes water, she’s so happy for Erin, she’s been so worried that the numbers will be as messed up as her speech and she doesn’t want to imagine what this might have done to the physicist.

“See”, she says as she holds Erin close and rubs her back, “it’s gonna get better, it’s all gonna get better.”

Erin just holds on to her and keeps crying, and for the first time since she has felt the glass break and has fallen, she dares to hope.

**Gratitude**

It’s been half a year since Erin’s fall, and just as Holtzmann said, it’s getting better.

She still mixes up words every now and then, but the engineer has gotten used to it, and more often than not, she knows what she’s talking about without having to ask. Abby and Patty aren’t quite as good at it as Holtzmann is, but it works out well enough, and the moments during which Erin cries in frustration or lashes out in helpless anger are getting less and less.

Erin still goes to physical therapy, once a week, her legs are back to full function by now and her hands are getting better, too; she still drops things every now and then, but by now, she can laugh about it, because she knows that sooner or later, this will improve, as well.

And her hands are steady now, as they are entangled in Holtzmann’s hair while she’s kissing the engineer deeply; breathing heavier, she pulls back from the kiss, her heart hammering in her chest, and the love and warmth in Holtzmann’s eyes when the younger woman looks at her makes her heart clench up.

“I can’t ever thank you enough for how patient you’ve been with me”, Erin mumbles, a bit proud that all the words come out just right, “even when I… got mean and yelled at you. I’m sorry for those times, and… I love you.”

She forms the last three words with utmost care, not wanting to mess up now, of all times; it’s not the first time she tells Holtzmann this, and it won’t be the last time, but she wants to say it right.

“I love you too”, Holtzmann tells her, smiling at her, tenderly caressing her face and making her smile as well with the gentle touch, “so much. And I’m so, so glad you’re okay.”

Erin’s smile widens, and she pulls her in for another kiss, candlelight flickering around them; she knows that she still has a way to go until she’ll be completely fine again, until she’ll be able to go on busts again, and that there will be more pain and tears along the way… but for tonight, it doesn’t matter, she doesn’t care, all she cares about is Holtzmann, and when she slides her hands beneath the engineer’s shirt to caress her back, they work just perfectly again.

They do, too, for the rest of the night.


	82. Cause and Effect

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Based on this tumblr prompt: Erin is wearing skirt with a split at the side and when she crosses her legs at her desk Holtz is gobsmacked to notice Erin is wearing stockings. Holtzmann is a mess for the rest of the day.

Holtzmann isn’t quite sure when it has happened, unable to pinpoint the exact moment, but at some point during the last few days, something in the dynamic between Erin and herself has shifted.

And it’s not Holtzmann who has changed – she flirts with Erin, and dances for her, and tries to make her smile and laugh, and brings her chocolate and keeps mixing batches of the Goo-be-gone shampoo she’s come up with for when Erin gets slimed.

It’s Erin who’s behaving differently, and Holtzmann can’t say that she doesn’t enjoy it.

Erin’s reactions to the flirting have changed, for example, she still blushes, but now her smiles are… different, not as awkward as they have been, but genuinely flattered and happy, and when she laughs at Holtzmann’s jokes and innuendo, it’s not the awkward giggle anymore, either, but sounds simply amused and even confident.

And there are other things, too, which are changing; Erin starts touching her more, always casual, innocent touches, a hand briefly making contact with hers when Holtzmann demonstrates a new weapon or tender fingers running over her back when Erin walks past her.

Holtzmann enjoys these changes, feeling giddy whenever she wonders where they might lead; she’s never wanted someone in her life as much as she wants Erin, and the thought that the physicist might feel something for her, as well makes her heart sing.

She knows better than to push though – Erin might not be as perfectly straight as she perhaps has tried to convince herself she is, but Holtzmann isn’t quite sure that Erin herself is aware of the change between them, and doesn’t want to frighten her by making a move too fast and too early.

So, she’s patient, and waits, and has no idea of the plan Erin’s been making the past few days.

She has no idea, and so, at first, she doesn’t think anything of it when Erin comes to work on Monday morning wearing a skirt which ends just above her knees, it’s not an unusual attire for the physicist after all; and since Holtzmann doesn’t want to be creepy, she tries not to ogle the redhead, and so, it takes her a while to notice that this particular skirt is not exactly like the ones she has seen Erin wear before.

She only notices when Erin gets up from her desk to refill her coffee, and even though she really doesn’t want to be creepy, she can’t stop herself from doing a double take – because Erin’s skirt has quite the split at the side, halfway up her thigh, and Holtzmann is quite sure that this is the first time she wears a skirt like that.

_Holtzy!_ she scolds herself as Erin walks past her, and forces herself to look away again, _don’t stare. Don’t be creepy._

She makes herself focus on her work again, the next generation of proton packs, with less weight and more power; it doesn’t take long until Erin’s heels click on the floor again as she comes back, and the engineer looks up again after all when a cup is placed on her workbench.

“Figured you might want a refill, too”, Erin smiles at her, and actually winks before she walks back to her desk, hips swaying a bit more than necessary; Holtzmann’s mouth feels oddly dry at the sight, and so, she picks up the coffee cup and takes a sip, delighted that Erin obviously knows how she likes her coffee.

She’s still looking, and after Erin sat down at her desk again, she crosses her legs, and Holtzmann nearly spits the coffee back out.

_Holy crap._

She finds herself wondering if she mentioned that she likes stockings at some point, perhaps after a drink or two too many; she can’t remember, but she knows that she’s prone to rambling when she’s reached a certain level of tipsiness, and perhaps, it has slipped at some point.

If it has, she has to give Erin props for remembering, but then she wonders if she’s interpreting too much into this, if Erin just likes stockings, or maybe she has a hot date later on – wow, that would be bad though – certainly, the physicist isn’t wearing them for her because why would she—

_Bzzzzzzt!_ “Ow, dammit!”

“Holtzy?” Erin says in alarm, looking up from her laptop at the pained exclamation, “you okay?

“Yes”, Holtzmann says, glaring at the proton pack which treacherously has shocked her, “just the tiniest of poofs. No worries, hot stuff.”

She shakes out her hand, fingers tingling from the little electric shock, and makes herself smile at Erin, even though her heart is racing, and not just from the electricity; Erin smiles back at her, all innocence, and Holtzmann wonders again if the redhead is aware of how much she likes that certain item of clothing or if it’s a coincidence.

If Erin hasn’t been aware of it when she put them on this morning, she certainly has to become aware of it as the day goes by – not even Erin can be that oblivious, Holtzmann thinks to herself when she creates yet another tiny poof, one of many, each of them happening after Erin has moved her legs in a way that lets Holtzmann get a glimpse of the stockings.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” Erin asks after yet another poof, perfectly innocent – too innocent, Holtzmann thinks to herself, “you make things go poof a lot more often today than usual.”

“Oh, um, yeah, fine”, Holtzmann stutters, and she could have sworn she sees a glint of _something_ in Erin’s eyes, something new and unexpected, but very welcome; Erin smiles at her, and Holtzmann feels her cheeks heat up when the physicist gets up from her seat and walks over to her, again with more of a sway than strictly necessary.

“Are you sure?” she asks, sitting on the edge of Holtzmann’s workbench, and the split lets the engineer get another good look, her mouth going dry once more, and before she can stop herself, she groans “Oh God” and buries her face in her hands.

“You know”, Erin says, and makes her look up at her again, “I was hoping it would have _some_ kind of effect to wear this, but I didn’t dare hope that it would work out so well.”

She blushes a bit too, now, but still smiles, her smile widening at the way Holtzmann stares at her; then, the engineer points one finger at her and shakes it, making her giggle with her response.

“I knew it!” Holtzmann accuses, “I knew you were doing this on purpose! How did you know?! Did I tell you when I was tipsy?”

“Yes”, Erin confirms, giggling again, “and, well, you know I’m not the most… direct person, so I figured I might try another way.”

She moves her legs again, letting Holtzmann have another glimpse of the stockings and of the soft skin of her thighs – and Holtzmann pretty much pounces her, a squeal of both surprise and delight coming from the redhead when Holtzmann reaches past her to swipe a bunch of tools off the table, making room for them, room Erin is grateful for when she grasps the lapels of the engineer’s lab coat and pulls her on top of her, ending up flat on her back.

One of her hands slide from the coat to the back of Holtzmann’s neck, and when they kiss, it’s heated and passionate; without even fully realizing what she is doing, but quite daring still, Erin wraps her legs around the other woman’s waist, as if to hold her in place, Holtzmann’s moan muffled by the physicist’s mouth on hers.

She feels Holtzmann’s hand slide up the side of her thigh, until it vanishes beneath her skirt, and smiles into the kiss – the principle of cause and effect, she thinks, never has let her down so far, and certainly didn’t this time.


	83. Storytime

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Based on this tumblr prompt: one with Holtzmann learning to help Erin with her depression?

“Hey babe”, Holtzmann said, smiling brightly as she practically skipped into the lab, waving around the brown paper bags with the familiar green mermaid logo, “look what I got for us. Cinnamon rolls!”

For a few moments, it was as if Erin hadn’t even heard her; then, she looked up from her work and managed a weak smile, voice soft when she replied.

“Thanks”, she said, while Holtzmann moved to her desk and put the bag down in front of her, then bent down to kiss her on the cheek, “I’ll keep it for later though, I’m not really hungry.”

Holtzmann just nodded, but couldn’t keep the flash of worry from her face – Erin hadn’t been hungry all day, and strangely quiet, and several times, the engineer had taken note of the fact that she’d just been staring at her laptop without doing any actual work, for minutes at a time.

Holtzmann knew that Erin’s mental health wasn’t grandiose at the best of days, something she’d been aware of long before they’d gotten together; this was new though, and it worried her, as she had no idea how to make it better.

Feeling helpless and awful, Holtzmann briefly touched Erin’s back, and earned another weak smile from the redhead; she smiled back at her, then returned to her desk and got to work again, stealing glances at Erin every now and then though, the physicist unaware of them as she sat at her laptop, hands resting on the keys, but not moving.

“Erin?” Holtzmann broke the silence once she had realized that Erin just had been sitting there pretty much motionless for almost two hours, her cinnamon roll untouched next to her elbow, “um… are you okay?”

“Fine”, Erin answered, just a bit too fast for it to be believable; the reassurance didn’t calm Holtzmann down at all, and she couldn’t keep the worry from her face anymore when she got up and moved to where the physicist was sitting.

“Are you sure?” she inquired, giving her best to sound gentle and kind, placing a tender hand on Erin’s shoulder, “I don’t wanna pry but… you’ve been kinda quiet all day…”

“I’m fine”, Erin repeated, but there was _something_ in her voice, and she swallowed heavily; and when Holtzmann said nothing, but just rubbed her back, her face began to work as she fought to contain her emotions.

And then she started to cry, and Holtzmann’s heart broke.

“I’m sorry”, Erin brought out between sobs, looking and sounding so ashamed that it only made Holtzmann feel worse, “I don’t even know why… God, you deserve better, you shouldn’t have to put up with this…”

“What”, Holtzmann gave back, startled, shaking her head for emphasis, “Erin, honey, no. What are you saying?”

“I don’t even know why I’m crying”, Erin sniffled, “this is ridiculous, I’m ridiculous, I’m just so… so _sad_ …”

“Hey”, Holtzmann said, not sure how to make this better, but knowing she had to at least try, gently making Erin turn with her chair so she could crouch in front of her and still look her in the face, “it’s okay. Is there anything I can do to help?”

“I don’t know”, Erin almost whimpered, sniffling again when Holtzmann wrapped both arms around her and held her close; she clung to the engineer and buried her face in the other woman’s shoulder, nodding quietly when Holtzmann suggested that they should go home.

“Okay”, Holtzmann said, eager to help, and hoping she wasn’t making things worse by doing or saying the wrong thing, “we can pick up your favourite food on the way home, alright?”

Erin nodded again against her shoulder, and the engineer rubbed her back soothingly; Erin needed another minute to calm down enough to pull back from the embrace, still looking distraught and ashamed, but at least, Holtzmann told herself, the flow of tears had stopped.

Keeping her hand on Erin’s back, Holtzmann gave her an encouraging smile, rubbing soothing circles while Erin shut down her laptop, then came to her feet; Abby gave them a concerned look as they came down the stairs and the engineer let Patty and her know that she’d take Erin home, didn’t comment though, just nodding her agreement and telling them to take care.

Holtzmann nodded, while Erin barely reacted to the researcher’s words; still making sure to keep the physical contact up, the engineer left the firehouse with her girlfriend, keeping her tone caring, but light when she asked if she wanted to go to her place.

Erin nodded again in reply, keeping her gaze fixed onto the sidewalk as they made their way to the subway station; the ride to her apartment happened in silence, but Holtzmann held on to Erin’s hand the whole time, silently reassuring her that she was there and not going anywhere, hoping that she was doing was indeed helping the physicist.

Just as Holtzmann had suggested, they stopped at a pizzeria Erin liked, and picked up her favourite pizza; once they were at the redhead’s home, they sat down to eat, and even though Erin clearly still wasn’t hungry, she made herself eat two slices, shaking her head when Holtzmann asked her if she wanted more.

“Can you just… hold me?” Erin then asked, looking up at Holtzmann almost shyly, “please…?”

“Sure, whatever you need”, Holtzmann gave back at once, “shall we move to the couch, then?”

Erin nodded, swallowing against fresh tears as she followed Holtzmann to the living room; there, the engineer got comfortable on the couch, and Erin curled up in her arms, resting her head on the other woman’s shoulder, trying to figure out why she felt so _sad_ while Holtzmann started to tenderly rub her back again.

It wasn’t the first time Erin went through this, and she knew it wouldn’t be the last; she never could pinpoint a certain reason for it, it just hit her out of the blue, lasted for a day or sometimes longer, but it was the first time that she actually had someone around to help the way Holtzmann was helping her.

“You want to watch some TV? As distraction?” the engineer mumbled, keeping her voice low and kind; Erin shook her head without thinking, then felt bad for making the blonde just sit there and hold her – Holtzmann, of all people, who couldn’t sit still longer than five minutes on a good day, and here she was, forcing her to do just that, for no other reason than her own selfishness.

“I’m sorry”, she whispered, tears burning in her eyes again, making her feel even more pathetic, “maybe you should go, you shouldn’t have to put up with this…”

“I’ll go if you really want me to”, Holtzmann gave back, still rubbing her back, “do you really want me to?”

This time, Erin didn’t answer at once, but took a few seconds – then she shook her head, even though she felt bad again as it meant that Holtzmann would stay and probably be bored, the engineer smiling at her though, clearly not minding the slightest.

“Hey”, Holtzmann then perked up, “I have an idea. I’ll be right back, okay?”

Even though she didn’t want to stop snuggling Holtzmann, Erin nodded and moved back so the younger woman could get up from the couch; Holtzmann gave her another smile, then rushed off into her bedroom and came back a short while later, carrying the novel Erin currently was reading, smiling brightly at her as she moved to sit next to her again.

“I’ll read to you as we cuddle”, she offered, “would you like that?”

This time, Erin nodded, and snuggled up to her again; Holtzmann took a moment to tenderly kiss the top of her head, then opened the book and began to read, and even though she still felt so inexplicably sad, Erin found herself relaxing after a while, the engineer’s melodious reading taking her mind off of her sadness and even making her feel a bit better.

She knew this wasn’t a magical cure, that this sadness would come back at some point and fill her days with gloom and doom again… but for now, she felt _better_ , Holtzmann was there and she felt better, and this was all which counted.


	84. Spiked

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Based on this tumblr prompt: Can you write a fic about how Erin gets her drink spiked in a bar and Jillian gets very protective of her?

It had been a long and stressful week, but a successful one; the team had captured several ghosts, and had destroyed a few others, Holtzmann had, with Erin’s help, finished the first prototype of the ectoplasm shield she had started to work on for her girlfriend, and for once, the mayor’s office hadn’t had any complaints about the paperwork the Ghostbusters had to file for their funding.

(Erin got mad each time there _were_ complaints about said paperwork, because she wrote most of the reports, and she knew that they were flawless, but apparently, the mayor found something to complain about more often than not.)

“We should go out to unwind”, Patty suggested Friday afternoon, “how about we go for pizza and then a few drinks?”

“Sounds good to me”, Erin smiled, Abby nodding along in agreement; raising her voice, Erin called out “Holtz! Sweetheart! Pizza and drinks?”

“Be down in a minute hot stuff!” Holtzmann’s voice drifted down from her upstairs lab, Erin grimacing when she heard something clatter quite loudly, but deciding not to worry – there hadn’t been poofs all week, which was a new personal record for the engineer, and she figured that clattering sounds were better than poofs, no matter if tiny or medium.

Exactly one minute later, Holtzmann came rushing down the fireman’s pole, and landed with a resounding _thump_ ; she skipped over to where the other three were waiting, giving Erin a resounding smooch on the mouth before she claimed that she was ready to go.

“Alright, let’s go get pizza then”, Patty declared, clapping her hands happily, “and then, some drinks, we deserve to relax after this week!”

A chorus of agreement came up in response, and the historian beamed at her friends – before the group, without wasting any more time, pulled on their jackets and headed out, eager to get some food before they’d move on to their favourite bar close to the firehouse.

* * *

“Come oooon Erin”, Holtzmann practically whined two hours later, completely with puppy dog eyes and pout, “dance with meeee?”

“I’m too sober to dance”, Erin declined with an embarrassed laugh, causing the engineer’s pout to intensify, “maybe a bit later? But you can go dance if you like, you don’t have to sit with me the whole evening, you know.”

“But then you’ll be all aloooone at this table”, Holtzmann pointed out, Patty already on the dance floor with one of the other regulars they frequently saw at the bar – and with whom she often danced, the others teasing her about when she would finally take him home with her, and Abby having made a trip to the washroom.

“I’m sure Abby will be back soon”, Erin smiled, patting the other woman’s arm, “and you’re almost vibrating, so please, go dance before you explode or something. I know you like this song. I’ll just watch you dance until Abby comes back.”

“I do”, Holtzmann agreed at once, “well, okay then. But only if you really don’t mind.”

“I don’t”, Erin reassured her, pulling her closer for a brief, but gentle kiss; Holtzmann beamed at her afterwards, then practically bounced away and onto the dancefloor, the physicist watching her with a fond smile on her face, pondering how she would never grow tired of watching Holtzmann dance.

This time, the engineer wasn’t dancing strictly for her, like she had all those months ago, above the restaurant; still a quick wink in Erin’s direction showed the redhead that Holtzmann was perfectly aware of her girlfriend watching her, and she flushed when the blonde performed a hip thrust, knowing that _this_ at least had been for her enjoyment only.

“Um, hi, hello?” a voice tore her out of her musings, the guy who had spoken to her giving her a bright smile, “you’re Erin Gilbert, right?”

“Yes”, Erin gave back, by now somewhat used to being recognized – the Ghostbusters’ fame was only growing ever since the Times Square incident, after all; the man beamed at her, briefly making her frown by grasping her glass and moving it out of the way so he could lean on the table, then held out his hand, still grinning widely as he introduced himself.

“I’m Robert”, he let her know as she shook his hand, suddenly hoping that Abby would be back quickly from the washroom, not quite liking the way he was looking at her, “and I’m a big fan. I read your book!”

“Thank you”, Erin replied, smiling a polite smile – the one Holtzmann always called her Columbia-Erin-smile, “that is very kind of you to say.”

She took a sip of her drink, not sure what else to add; he beamed at her again, his gaze briefly dropping to her breasts, and just then, Abby came back, raising an eyebrow when she saw that Erin had company.

“Abby!” Erin said, just a bit too joyful, “there you are. I was about to go look if you fell into the toilet, hahaha!”

Her fake laughter only make it more obvious that she wasn’t all too happy about that guy being there, and thankfully, Abby caught on quickly, smiling at her as she sat down, then gave the man a rather unabashed once-over, said man looking slightly miffed at having her join them at the table.

“This is Robert”, Erin said, eager to have Abby distract the man so she could catch Holtzmann’s eye, “he read _our_ book, Abby.”

“Oh did you”, Abby smiled, making him nod, and thankfully, Holtzmann was looking over at the table just in this moment, quickly realizing what was going on; keeping her gaze on the engineer, Erin took another sip of her drink, emptying the glass, smiling at the blonde as she approached the table.

“Sweetheart”, she said, hoping that this would get the message across that she was dating someone and thus not available for Robert’s advances, “did you have fun dancing?”

“Oh yeah”, Holtzmann replied, side-eying the guy as he was in the seat she had been using before she had gone to dance, “but that song isn’t one of my faves, so I decided to come back and keep my lovely girlfriend company.”

“Aw”, Erin let out, while Robert looked somewhat taken aback, a hint of surprise in his voice, as well, when he spoke up.

“Oh”, he let out, making all three look at him, Patty still on the dancefloor with the guy who wasn’t her guy, but might be soon, “you’re… dating? I… wasn’t aware of that, and I read all the articles about you.”

“Well, yeah”, Holtzmann replied with a small laugh, making Erin smile again with her next words, “when they first caught on about Erin and me, #holtzbert was trending for like a week. Erin would have preferred Gilmann, but what can you do, huh?”

“Um, yes?” Robert gave back, sounding a bit confused; Holtzmann grinned and winked at him, slinging one arm around Erin’s shoulders, the physicist smiling at her while the young man looked rather unhappy now.

“Well”, he said, clearly having lost interest, “it was nice talking to you, Dr Gilbert. Um, have a good evening.

“You too”, Erin replied, holding back an amused smirk at how hastily he was retreating; he gave her another smile, already rising from the bench, then practically hurried off, not only away from their table, but actually leaving the bar, to Holtzmann’s amusement.

“And there he goes”, she observed, “probably to the next watering hole, after he failed so drastically here.”

“Poor him”, Erin gave back, making the engineer chuckle again – before she took note of Erin’s empty glass and offered to get her a new drink, the physicist nodding in response.

It didn’t take Holtzmann long to get another glass of the drink Erin liked, but when she got back to the table, Erin was unsettlingly pale, and breathing heavier than before, immediately making the engineer feel worried, Abby already fussing over her friend, looking highly concerned, as well.

“What’s wrong?!” Holtzmann demanded to know, putting the drink down onto the table and forgetting about it immediately, “Erin? Sweetheart? What is it?”

“I don’t know”, Erin gave back, the tremble in her voice only causing the blonde’s concern to grow, “I feel… I’m all nauseous and…”

The world started to spin around her, and she groaned; she heard Holtzmann say something about water and fresh air, then the engineer’s arm was around her waist, and somehow, she managed to come to her feet, clinging to the engineer as she led her outside.

“Here”, Holtzmann said the moment they were out in the fresh air, “there’s a bench over here, come on…”

“Oh God”, Erin brought out once she had sat down, slumping against the blonde, who held her close and rubbed her back, “I don’t… I don’t know what’s happening, I didn’t drink that much…”

Her stomach turned, and she realized what was happening just in time to lean forward; she felt Holtzmann hold her hair back as she threw up, groaning at the pounding in her head, which only increased when she vomited again.

“Here’s the water”, she heard Abby say, “I asked them to not make it too cold… oh my God!”

“Here, sweetheart”, Holtzmann said next, “here’s some water, that’ll make you feel better. Wait, there’s a straw, let me…”

The engineer guided the straw to her mouth, and Erin managed a total of two sips – before the nausea took over and she threw the water up again right away, the world greying around the edges afterwards, Holtzmann sounding far away when she frantically said her name.

“Erin!” the engineer tried again when the physicist didn’t react, practically hanging in the blonde’s arms, “Erin, come on. Open your eyes. Erin? Please…?”

All Erin could do was let out another groan; she still heard Abby say something about an ambulance, then the world went dark around her, the last thing she took note of being Holtzmann’s arms pulling her even closer.

* * *

When Erin came back out of the darkness, she found herself lying in a soft bed, looking up at a white ceiling; her head hurt and her mouth was dry, and she let out a soft groan – she hadn’t been hung over often in her life, but often enough to realize that this felt like the worst hangover of all times, her head pounding and her stomach queasy, the bright light of day only making it worse.

“Erin?” she heard a tired voice from her left, soft and kind, but still it sent a lance of pain through her brain; she groaned again in reply, not daring to turn her head, and moments later, Holtzmann was bending over her, and despite how bad Erin felt, she found herself startled at the paleness of the engineer’s face and the dark circles beneath her bloodshot eyes.

“Thank goodness you’re awake”, the blonde said, keeping her voice low, and making Erin wonder dully if she knew how hung-over she was feeling, “we were all so worried. How’re you feeling?”

“Bad”, Erin mumbled, grimacing when her stomach turned again, “what… I didn’t drink that much, how…”

“Someone spiked your drink”, Holtzmann told her, the physicist’s eyes briefly widening in response, “that’s what the doc said, they tested your blood and, um, pee, when the ambulance brought you here and… yeah. They said you’re gonna feel really hungover today so…”

“Jesus”, Erin brought out, briefly closing her eyes again; she felt Holtzmann grasp her hand, and a shudder ran through her as she thought of how badly this could have ended, had her friends and girlfriend not been there.

“Abby thinks it was that Robert guy”, Holtzmann went on, giving her hand a tender squeeze as Erin looked at her again, “he did leave awfully fast. But you’ll feel better soon.”

The physicist nodded in response, closing her eyes again when the engineer moved her free hand to caress her hair; she heard Holtzmann mumble something about how she should get some more rest, then the engineer gently kissed her forehead, and moments later, Erin was fast asleep again, Holtzmann sitting next to her bed and holding her hand, as she had the whole night, feeling tired and drained, but not allowing herself to drift off into sleep until she could be sure that Erin would be completely fine again soon.

* * *

A few weeks had passed since the incident at the bar – from which Erin had needed almost two days to recover fully, the after effects of the drug which had been slipped into her drink having taken quite the toll on her – and after another exhausting week, the Ghostbusters were back at said watering hole, sitting at their usual table, joking and laughing, Holtzmann having one arm around Erin’s shoulders, none of the other three missing how she made sure to keep the redhead’s glass within view the whole time.

She had been protective of Erin before this had happened, and the incident had only increased said protectiveness; when one of her favourite songs came on, and Erin asked her if she wanted to go dance, the engineer shook her head at once, voice firm when she replied.

“No dancing tonight”, she told the physicist, making her smile slightly as Erin knew perfectly well where this was coming from, “I’m not gonna leave your side unless I absolutely have to, and dancing doesn’t count as _absolutely have to._ ”

“I appreciate what you’re doing”, Erin let her know, letting one hand drop onto her thigh so she could pat it tenderly, “but you don’t have to sit here with me all evening, Holtz. If you want to dance, go dance.”

“I don’t wanna”, Holtzmann stubbornly gave back, and Erin gave up; she smiled and leaned in for a tender kiss, the engineer smiling back at her once they had pulled apart again – before she apparently saw something behind Erin which put quite the damper on her mood, her gaze darkening.

Curious, Erin turned to look, and felt her own anger flare when she saw Robert stand at the bar, talking to a young woman – and moving said woman’s glass out of the way, just like he had done with Erin’s, making it look casual so he could lean onto the bar.

This time, knowing what they had to look for, both Erin and Holtzmann had seen him drop something into the drink.

Erin came to her feet without allowing herself to think about it and practically marched over to the bar, ignoring it when Abby called out to her in surprise; she snatched the glass from the woman’s hand just before she could take a sip – and threw the drink into the stunned man’s face, glaring at him while the woman let out a startled cry.

“He just spiked your drink”, the physicist said before the younger woman had a chance to ask what was going on though, “he did it to me, too, three weeks ago, and I had to spend the night at the hospital.”

“What?!” the woman cried, while Robert took a step back – before he seemed to realize that this made him look somewhat guilty, and squared his shoulders, giving Erin a look full of contempt before he replied.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about”, he said, several people watching the scene unfold at this point, including the barkeeper, “and please, as if I have to do that to get a woman. Not my fault that you’d rather do this weirdo there.”

He nodded at Holtzmann, who had moved to stand behind Erin, and the physicist saw red; Holtzmann could tell what she was about to do from how she clenched her jaw, but before she could do more than have her eyes go wide, Erin had pulled back – and punched the man, square in the face, hard enough to make him stumble back and against the bar.

He yelped in pain, his hand coming up to grab at his bleeding nose; with a nasal cry of “Bitch!”, he then took a step forward again – and this time, Holtzmann was the one to stop him, with a well-aimed knee to the groin, feeling darkly satisfied when he dropped and curled up on the floor, whimpering in pain, his face paling drastically.

“Yikes”, the barkeeper let out, the sight of the man getting kneed in the groin finally snapping her out of her stupor, “did he really put something in her drink…?”

“We saw it”, Erin replied, flexing her fingers, “and, as I said, he did it to me three weeks ago. Scumbag.”

She glared at the man, and he groaned weakly, still curled up on the floor; then, while the barkeeper called out for the bouncer to have the guy removed, trusting the Ghostbusters more than him, she went back to her seat, Holtzmann following her with an inappropriately happy grin on her face, Abby and Patty having watched the whole scene unfold with wide eyes, complimenting Erin on the punch though when she took her seat again.

“I know this makes me even weirder than I am already”, Holtzmann said, making them all look at her, “but seeing you punch that guy like that? So hot.”

Erin just laughed, and shook her head, then kissed her again, the man and what he had done soon forgotten as Holtzmann put her arm around her again, making her feel safe and content, the four of them enjoying the rest of their evening in peace.


	85. Sherlock Abby and the Case of the Found Undergarment

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Based on this tumblr prompt: Abby is suspicious of Erin and holtz, but she doesn't realise truly what's going on until she finds Erin's bra shoved under a sofa cushion.
> 
> Special thanks to Elder Holtzbro maschinenmensch for the title and the underwire excuse. XD

When Erin comes to the lab at Higgins to yell at her about the book and Holtzmann immediately starts flirting with her, Abby doesn’t think much of it.

Holtzmann is quick to flirt, after all, Abby has seen her do so a million times in the years they have known each other; she’s quick to flirt, but Abby can’t remember that she’s ever had a proper relationship which lasted longer than a month, and so, she thinks nothing of it when Holtz hits on her former friend.

She still thinks nothing of it when they end up working together and she witnesses Holtzmann dancing for Erin; Erin looks flustered, and awkward, and clearly doesn’t know how to react, and Abby feels a bit bad for her.

She considers telling Holtz that Erin is straight as a board and that she’s wasting her time and breath, but then decides against it – Erin might be straight, she thinks to herself, but she knows her well enough even after years of no contact that she can tell that the attention and flirting is flattering for the physicist, and Abby figures that she can need a bit of that in her life.

So, she doesn’t tell Holtzmann that Erin is straight, and doesn’t make an offer to Erin to tell Holtzmann to cut it out; she figures that the flirting will stop on its own sooner or later, and as long as Erin seems flattered and not uncomfortable, she figures that it does no harm.

The flirting doesn’t stop, to Abby’s surprise… and what surprises her even more is how Erin’s reactions to it change

Erin still blushes, and giggles, but it’s much less awkward – and it only seems to spur Holtzmann on more, making it quite clear to Abby that her assumption about the flirting stopping at some point has been quite incorrect.

She still doesn’t think much of it, because even if Erin might react less awkward, Abby still thinks that her friend is straight… until she notices _something_ in the dynamic between Erin and Holtz shift, and starts to grow suspicious.

She’s not even quite sure what exactly has changed, but something is different – something about the way they look at each other, about the way Erin will sometimes touch the engineer’s arm or back as she walks past her or stands next to her.

And Erin herself has changed, too, Abby realizes as she starts observing her friend more closely – the physicist seems much more relaxed, and much less uptight than she has when she’s come back into her life, her laughs come easier and there’s a twinkle in her eyes which hasn’t been there when she stormed into the lab at Higgins.

It’s the changes in Erin’s behaviour which make Abby truly suspicious, but if Holtzmann and Erin do have something going on – and how mind-blowing would that be, Abby ponders, her neat and tidy friend with someone who’s a chaotic whirlwind like Holtzmann – they are hiding it from Patty and her, and are hiding it quite well.

Abby wonders sometimes, why they would hide it – if they have anything going on, which seems weird to her still – and keeps watching, and pondering; she never catches them doing anything though which might be definite proof that they have something going on, and so, Abby remains unsure.

And so, for a while, she almost forgets about it, even though a small part of her remains suspicious… until she has the night shift one evening after Erin’s turn, and drops down onto the couch, and something pokes her in the butt.

She frowns, and reaches beneath the sofa cushion, and after a bit of digging, she pulls out a bra.

She can tell at once that it belongs to Erin, because it’s too small to be Patty’s or her own, and too decidedly feminine to be Holtzmann’s, and her eyes go wide.

“No way”, she whisper-shouts, even though there’s no one around to hear her; she thinks to when she came in this morning, Erin has been there, smiling all the time, much more relaxed and happy than she’s had any right to be after what Abby knew has been a long and boring nightshift with nothing happening.

“No way!” she says again, louder this time as she realizes she’s alone, “ _here_?! I’m gonna kill them.”

She shakes her head, staring at the bra in disbelief – before she realizes that she is still sitting on the couch, the couch on which Erin and Holtzmann possibly had sex last night and at least made out on, and jumps up, as if something stung her.

“I’m gonna kill them”, she vows to herself again, looking at the couch, inspecting it for stains, “or at least, make them pay.”

And as she says these words, a vague plan starts to form in her mind, and she smiles to herself.

* * *

Abby doesn’t have to wait long in the next morning to set the beginning stages of her plan in motion; she waits until Patty has arrived, talks to her at an opportune moment – when Erin is upstairs with Holtzmann, and now, Abby wonders what they’re doing up there – and then, she just has to wait some more.

It doesn’t take long until Erin comes back downstairs, smiling to herself, a soft, almost gentle smile which warms Abby’s heart; it doesn’t make her back off from her plan though, and so, she waits a few minutes more, while Erin searches the couch as inconspicuously as possible, even though her searching gets more frantic when she has no luck.

Finally, Abby takes pity on her, and clears her throat; when Erin doesn’t react immediately to that sound, she holds up the bra and speaks up, and this time, Erin hears her, since she jumps visibly before she turns to look at her.

“Looking for this?” Abby innocently asks as the bra dangles from her finger; Erin blushes so brightly that for a moment, the researcher fears her friend might end up with a nosebleed, then Erin lets out a nervous giggle as she hurries to where Abby is standing and practically snatches the bra from her hand.

“Yes”, she then says, with another nervous giggle, cheeks still flaming, “where did you…?”

“Beneath one of the couch cushions”, Abby lets her know, her amusement only growing when Erin’s blush deepens even further, “I sort of sat on it during yesterday’s night shift.”

“Oh”, Erin lets out, then clears her throat, and gives an explanation even though Abby hasn’t asked for one, behaviour which is suspicious all on its own, even without her obvious lie – Erin’s never been a good liar, after all, “um, ahem, the… the underwire bothered me. During my nightshift! Yes, that was it, so I took it off and… it must have ended up there. Somehow.”

Abby just nods, and smiles; Erin gives yet another nervous laugh, then practically rushes from the room, bra in hand – and completely unaware that Abby has easily seen through her lie and is determined to get her to confess the truth sooner or later. If it’s up to the researcher, sooner rather than later.

And so, Patty and she set their little plan in motion, Patty gleefully helping her out; they start out harmless enough, simply by waiting until Erin has been up at the lab for a while – before Abby walks up the stairs, not trying to be extra quiet, but not making much noise, either.

When she arrives at the top of the stairs, Holtzmann and Erin are standing side by side at one of the engineer’s cluttered workbenches, and it looks innocent enough, but now that she knows what she has to look for, Abby immediately spots a number of signs.

They are standing a bit closer than strictly necessary, the researcher notes, so close that Erin’s forearm is actually touching Holtzmann’s; their hands are close on the workbench, as well, and while that all by itself might have been innocent enough, the fact that Erin’s cheeks are flushed and her hair a bit tousled is quite the hint for what they have been doing.

Abby pretends not to notice, and asks some random question about the book Erin and she are working on; and once Erin has answered her – and she has noticed the slight tremble in the physicist’s voice – Abby smiles angelically and thanks her before she goes back downstairs.

It’s just the first of many trips Patty and she take up to the lab that day, sometimes making noise, sometimes trying to be quiet – and every time hoping that they will Erin and Holtzmann them making out, or snuggling, or doing _something_ which might give them away.

They have no luck though, not during the day, each time one of them goes up to the lab, Erin and Holtzmann are acting perfectly innocent, even though both Abby and Patty can tell that they are doing more than just talk and work together whenever they are alone.

As the end of the work day draws near, Abby sees her chance – Holtzmann has the night shift, and Erin has mumbled something about wanting to finish some calculations for the engineer when Abby and Patty let the two know that they are heading home, just another sign for Abby that something is going on between the two.

And so, she leaves the firehouse, but doesn’t exactly go – instead, she lurks in front of it for twenty minutes, then practically sneaks back inside, immediately taking note of how suspiciously quiet the firehouse is. She knows Holtzmann tinkers with her projects during the nightshifts, so she could hear something, but there’s nothing… or so she thinks, until she hears the soft moan.

She recognizes Erin’s voice at once and pumps her fist in silent triumph, then sneaks on, to the living room / lounge part of the ground floor; she has a moment to wonder if she will be caught sneaking around like a thief, then spots Erin and Holtzmann, and quickly realizes that they won’t notice her anytime soon.

Holtzmann is sitting on the couch, and Erin is in her lap, both arms wrapped around her; they are kissing deeply, and one of Holtzmann’s hands is beneath Erin’s shirt, caressing her back, Abby suspecting that this is what has made Erin moan earlier… until Holtzmann’s hand slides forward to her front, and the physicist lets the noise out again.

Abby almost calls out then, says something to make them realize she’s there… but then, she keeps quiet after all, realizing how intimate this moment is for the two, and even though it stings a bit that neither of them have said anything to Patty and her, she figures that they have their reasons.

She keeps quiet, and retreats, leaves as quickly as she has entered, neither Holtzmann or Erin having an idea she’s been there; she smiles for her friends as she walks away from the firehouse, happy for them and for what they found with each other.

And she knows they’ll tell Patty and her when they are ready.


	86. Nun Too Holy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Based on this tumblr prompt (which made me lol): "Have you ever been hit in the head with a pink dildo before?" which I just heard Kristen Wiig say in a Bridesmaids interview I was watching :D

Erin let out a small, content sigh, comfortable despite the edge of the workbench behind her quite uncomfortable against her butt; the reason for how good she was feeling was easily explained, in form of Holtzmann standing in front of her, both arms around her waist, her hands resting on the taller woman’s back as they were kissing.

Or perhaps, she still was coherent enough to think to herself, _making out_ would be a better description for what they were doing; there was quite a bit of tongue involved after all, and it had been going on for a while now, and Erin hoped that they’d have the chance to have it go on for a bit longer, enjoying the feeling of being so close to the engineer, the way Holtzmann was holding her and the blonde’s unique taste of lemon, cinnamon and something burnt on her lips.

“Erin! Holtz!” Abby’s voice came from downstairs, making them pull apart, a look of regret on Erin’s face while Holtzmann looked a bit miffed, “we got a call! Time to gear up, so stop sucking face up there!”

“We were working!” Erin yelped back, but the squeaky tone of her voice gave her away pretty quickly, evidenced by the cackle she heard from her best friend in response.

“Sure you were”, Abby then called up, “working quietly as mice up there. We all know how unrealistic that is with Holtz. Now get down here!”

“Yes Ma’am!” Holtzmann was the one to answer this time, not even trying to deny what Erin and she had been doing in the lab; she practically hopped over to the pole, then onto it and slid down to the ground floor, Erin smiling to herself as she took the stairs – Holtzmann kept daring her to use the pole too, just once, but so far, she had avoided it, all too sure that she’d end up falling and breaking her neck.

“You’re gonna have fun with this one, girls”, Patty said once they all had assembled at their lockers and were changing into the Ghostbusting coveralls, “if Kevin didn’t hear that client wrong, we’re going to a haunted… toy store.”

“Toy store, whoo!” Holtzmann cried, eyes lighting up, “hey, maybe we can rig one of those little race cars to carry the trap to the ghost or something. Wouldn’t that be awesome?”

“Um”, Abby gave back with a little laugh, “not those toys, Holtz. More of the… adult variety.”

“Oooh”, Holtzmann let out, while Erin raised an eyebrow, sounding sceptical when she spoke up.

“A ghost haunting a sex store?” she wanted to know, nearly rolling her eyes at herself as she felt her cheeks heat up at her own words, “are we sure Kevin wrote this down right?”

“Man, I hope so”, Holtzmann said, laughing; Erin raised an eyebrow at her, her cheeks still feeling warm, but that didn’t stop her, her response making both Abby and Patty yelp.

“Why”, the physicist dryly said, “are the toys we do have not enough for you?”

“We do not need to know about your toys”, Abby said somewhat frantically, flailing her hands into the general direction of the couple, as if that could keep them from saying something about said utensils, “we really do not need to know about those. So be quiet, both of you, and let’s gear up!”

Holtzmann and Erin just snickered together while Holtzmann opened what she called her Chest of Goodies (“Fitting, cause I have a goodie chest, don’t you agree, hot stuff?”, she had said when she had introduced it to the others), and handed out the side arms; then, they each grabbed their proton pack and headed out to the garage, tires screeching and the siren wailing as Holtzmann drove Ecto-1 out onto the street a minute later, all four of them looking forward to the bust despite – or because of – the peculiar location.

* * *

“You have _got_ to be kidding me”, Erin said a short while later, staring at the apparition from behind the shelf where Holtzmann and she had found cover, giving her best to ignore the rather generously sized dildos lined up next to her, “seriously? A _nun_?!”

“Bet she’s pissed at all the sin in this store”, Holtzmann snickered, clearly more amused about this than her girlfriend, “hey, maybe we should make out in front of her, she might get so angry that she’ll explode!”

“And rain slime all over us? No thanks”, Erin gave back, earning a _look_ from Abby, the researcher having taken cover across the aisle, at the shelf with the bondage gear; before Abby could comment though on how getting slimed should not be Erin’s first concern when it came to making out on the job, the nun ghost howled, possibly to scare them off, her eyes glowing red as she glared around, unable to spot the Ghostbusters behind their cover though.

“Sin!” the ghost then howled, the breath of the four women becoming visible as the temperature dropped noticeably, “sinners!”

“And she talks, too”, Holtzmann observed, powering up her proton pack, prompting the other three to do the same, the scared owner of the store watching from a safe distance on the sidewalk, “haven’t had one of those in a while. Class V?”

“IV or V, yup”, Erin agreed, “but I’m inclined to agree with you, closer to V than IV. Especially since she talks, we don’t get many of those. Let’s try to trap her!”

Unlike lower class ghosts they had encountered before, this one apparently was listening to them and understanding them; and the ghost reacted at once, letting out a shriek as she rushed forward, straight into the shelf behind which Erin and Holtzmann were hiding, the engineer reacting quickly, grabbing Erin’s arm and dragging her out of the danger zone with her as she performed a rather daring dive.

“Thank you”, Erin took the time to say while both Holtzmann and she came to their feet again and turned to face the ghost – just in time to see the transparent nun gather up a bunch of the items which had fallen out when she had thrown the shelf over, another shriek coming from her as she used them as missiles, Holtzmann only having time to let her eyes go wide before one of the dildos, in pretty, fluorescent pink, hit her in the head and bounced off.

“Oh my God”, Erin snorted before she could stop herself, letting out a giggle; clearly, the noise made the ghost only angrier, and she kept bombarding the two with sex toys of various size – until Abby and Patty had managed to sneak up behind her and captured her in the streams, rendering her immobile.

Hurriedly, Erin and Holtzmann fired their own guns to help; and with all four streams, it didn’t take long until the nun was dragged into the trap, a final cry of “SINNERS!” coming from her before the trap snapped shut.

“Okay, so tell me”, Erin said, giggling again, while Holtzmann picked up the smoking trap, “have you ever been hit in the head with a pink dildo before?”

“Sadly, yes”, Holtzmann replied, then looked thoughtful for a moment, “oh no, wait, that other one was neon green.”

“I don’t wanna know”, Erin told her, rolling her eyes; Holtzmann snickered, then pulled her in for a quick kiss, only to look thoughtful again afterwards, her next words prompting Abby and Patty to roll their eyes while Erin once more blushed brightly.

“So”, the engineer said, looking around the relatively undamaged store, “now that we got rid of the ghost… think we’ll get a discount?”


	87. Bath Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Based on this tumblr prompt: I was wondering, if you're taking prompts, would you be willing to write some Holtzbert bath time fluff?

One day, Erin thought to herself, she would get through a bust without getting slimed, one day, she’d disintegrate the ghost before it could ectoproject on her, or the four of them would trap it in time.

Today was not that day.

Each step made the slime squelch in her boots, her coveralls clung to her body and her hair was plastered to her head; and so, she felt quite grumpy as she got into Ecto-1 after the ghost had been taken care of, grumbling to herself about slime and stupid ghosts and about how the stuff was after her personally.

“Dibs on the shower”, she added as she shifted on the seat, grimacing when she felt a glob of slime slide down her back, Holtzmann giving her a sympathetic look as she started the engine.

“Tub”, the engineer then said, earning a confused look from her girlfriend; Holtzmann took her eyes off the road to smirk at her for a moment, then focused on driving again as she gave an explanation. “I mixed up a new version of the Slime-Be-Gone shower gel. So I gotta be there and see how it works, and that’s easier in the tub. All for science, of course.”

“Of course”, Abby echoed from the backseat, snickering, Erin blushing a bit, “all for science!”

“We better stay away from the bathroom”, Patty added, making Holtzmann snicker, as well, “so we don’t interrupt the _science._ ”

“Smart”, Holtzmann said with a cackle, while Erin just blushed deeper; she cleared her throat, but didn’t try to make up any excuses, all too aware that Abby and Patty knew perfectly well what Holtzmann and she would do in the bathroom once the slime would be gone.

The thought of what they would do made her feel much better though, and by the time Holtzmann parked Ecto1- in the firehouse’s garage, Erin was much less grumbly about having gotten slimed again; still she practically raced up the stairs, already standing naked in the tub by the time Holtzmann caught up to her, fidgeting as she waited for the engineer to join her with the newest version of the Slime-Be-Gone.

Thankfully, she didn’t need to wait long, Holtzmann smiling brightly at her as she came bounding into the room, waving around a bottle with a light green concoction, and coming to an almost screeching halt in front of the tub.

“Alrighty”, she said as she handed the bottle to her girlfriend, “you wash your hair and front and then I’ll do your back?”

Nodding, Erin took the bottle from her, then pulled the curtain close; and to her great relief, this newest version of the special shower gel worked even better than the previous one – which had been good already –, the slime easily removed from her body and hair, faster than ever before.

“This is not radioactive, is it”, she asked once she had finished washing her hair; Holtzmann reassured her that it wasn’t, and since her skin didn’t redden or do any other unpleasant things, Erin deemed it safe and good, calling out to Holtzmann a short while later that her front was done and that she could join her for her back now.

Immediately, Holtzmann pulled the curtain back and stepped into the tub, making Erin wonder how long she had been waiting completely naked in front of the tub; then, the engineer grabbed the washcloth and, after squirting a generous dollop of Slime-Be-Gone onto it, began washing the slime of Erin’s back, and from one moment to the next, these thoughts were forgotten as the physicist relaxed at the tender circles the blonde was rubbing on her back

Just like with her hair and the rest of her body, it didn’t take long until the slime was gone from there, as well; and by the time the last bits of it had gone down the drain, Erin felt wonderfully clean and relaxed, a feeling which only grew when Holtzmann, with a cheeky grin on her face, sat down and tugged on her wrist.

“Abby and Patty went home and took Kev with them”, the blonde explained while Erin carefully sat down as well, “you know what this means, right?”

In response, Erin leaned out of the tub and to the small cupboard next to it; she opened the top drawer and pulled out a bottle of bubble bath and a little rubber ducky – a custom made one a fan had gifted to them, complete with Ghostbuster coveralls and a little proton pack, Holtzmann’s face lighting up at the sight.

“Holtzduck!” the engineer then cried – even though Erin kept pointing out that the duck had no goggles and that so, it had to be Duckbert, “long time no see.”

“It has been a while since we did this, indeed”, Erin agreed, turning the water on again once Holtzmann had put in the stopper, regulating the temperature until it was pleasant for both of them; the blonde added a generous portion of bubble bath, and while the tub slowly filled, Erin leaned back, Holtzmann immediately wrapping both arms around her, a content sigh coming from the redhead as she got comfortable.

“I love this”, she mumbled, closing her eyes and resting her head on Holtzmann’s chest, smiling when she felt the engineer press a kiss to the top of her head, “so nice. I love _you._ ”

“Love you too, my little slime magnet”, Holtzmann told her, earning a low snort from the physicist while she lightly swatted at her arm; snickering, Holtzmann shifted a bit to get more comfortable, then held her close again, and they just laid there in the warm, foamy water, enjoying being together and how much it relaxed them, a perfect ending to a day which, despite the slime, had been good, as most days had been for both of them ever since the Ghostbusters had found each other.


	88. The Bad Seed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Based on this tumblr prompt: Holtz has a real allergic reaction to something, but at first Erin thinks she is joking.

Erin let out a massive yawn and fought the urge to simply let her head drop down onto the table, feeling tired and drained – it had been a long week, and she wasn’t done with her work yet, wanting to finish up calculations Holtzmann had asked her for, not wanting to let the engineer down.

“Urch”, she let out, the noise being enough to make Holtzmann look over from the proton pack she was repairing; with an apologetic look, Erin let out another yawn, then shrugged, running a hand through her hair before she explained the weird noise.

“I’m tired and stuck on this equation”, she let the blonde know, coming to her feet and stretching, “I think I’ll head down to the deli and get a little midnight snack. You want something too?”

“Monster”, Holtzmann replied, and Erin rolled her eyes, didn’t bother to point out though that this was neither food, nor a snack; instead, she just nodded, taking the time for a brief, but gentle kiss before she headed out, grabbing her jacket on the way out.

Despite the late hour, the deli was quite busy, and after choosing a salad for herself and finding Holtzmann’s favourite kind of Monster, Erin had to wait quite a while until it was her turn; finally though, she had made it to the cashier’s desk, and, after paying, hurried back to the firehouse, eager to re-join her girlfriend there.

Holtzmann was quite focused on her work again by the time Erin returned, looked up though when she heard the physicist enter; she gave her a smirk and a wink, another bright smile following when Erin put the chilled can of energy drink down in front of her.

“Thank you hot stuuuuuff”, she then said, making Erin smile; she pressed a quick kiss to the engineer’s cheek, then moved back to her own desk, sitting down with her salad there, the first forkful pausing halfway to her mouth though as Holtzmann popped up in front of her desk, mouth open wide.

“One bite?” she then said, when Erin just raised an eyebrow at her; she added a puppy dog look for good measure, and as it happened most times, Erin couldn’t say no to her, smiling and shaking her head while she held the fork out to the engineer.

“Chank chou”, Holtzmann said with her mouth full as she munched down the offered food; Erin scolded her for speaking with her mouth full, earning a – thankfully close-mouthed – smirk and shrug, then returned to her workbench, humming to herself as she picked her screwdriver up again.

When she stopped humming and put the tool down, Erin thought nothing of it, barely registering it; when Holtzmann cleared her throat a few times in her row though, the physicist did look up, the first bit of alarm flashing up when she saw the engineer was rubbing her throat, as if it was sore.

“You okay?” Erin asked, frowning; in response, Holtzmann cleared her throat again, then shot her an unhappy look, not sounding all too cheerful, either, when she replied.

“Not sure”, she said, clearing her throat again, “tell me, sweet cheeks, is there sesame in your salad?”

“I think so?” Erin gave back, peering at the plastic bowl, “maybe?”

Holtzmann let out a cough in response, then made a face; not quite sure what to think of this, Erin came to her feet, looking at her salad again, feeling dismayed when, at this second, closer look, she did indeed spot the little white seeds mixed into the greens.

_But Holtz never mentioned being allergic to anything,_ she thought to herself, asking herself if this wasn’t something she should know, they had been together for a few months already after all, _and she pranked us with something like this before, when she tried to convince us that she suddenly developed an allergy to broccoli just so she wouldn’t have to eat it._

“If this is another prank, it’s not funny”, she thus said out loud, still not sure what to think – until Holtzmann not just rubbed her throat, but actually grabbed at it, eyes bugging out as she pulled in a wheezing breath, clutching at the workbench with her free hand, as if she had to keep herself from falling.

“Holtz, if you’re joking, stop it now”, Erin practically ordered, her alarm growing; Holtzmann only let out another dreadful wheezing sound in response – before she slumped to her knees, and all thoughts about the engineer pranking her were forgotten as Erin ran to her side, kneeling down next to her, her own heart hammering up to her throat when she realized how much trouble Holtzmann had with breathing.

“I’m calling an ambulance”, she told the engineer, pulling her phone from her pocket with one hand while she rubbed her girlfriend’s back with the other, “hold on for me, okay?”

Holtzmann’s only response was to pull in another laboured breath, and Erin typed 911 as fast as she could; she gave her best to fight down her fear as she explained what was happening, the operator reassuring her that they would send someone quickly, Holtzmann’s difficulty with breathing only having increased by the time Erin hung up again.

“You’re gonna be okay”, the physicist said, not sure if she wanted to convince the blonde or herself, still rubbing her back, “they’re gonna be here quickly, you’ll be okay…”

She pulled Holtzmann close and held her, and didn’t let go until the ambulance arrived, feeling bad for having thought that it was a sort of prank, holding on to Holtzmann’s hand even after she had been put on the stretcher and refusing to let go of her for the whole ride to the hospital.

* * *

Erin only felt worse when Holtzmann had to stay at the hospital overnight – a precaution, the doctor reassured her, but she wouldn’t be talked into going home, simply refusing to leave the room until the doctor gave up and let her stay the night.

“I’m sorry”, she mumbled the moment the door had closed behind the elder woman and she and Holtzmann were alone in the room, “if I hadn’t thought you’re joking…”

“Not your fault, cupcake”, Holtzmann gave back, breathing and speaking much easier again now that the medication she had been given was working, “I did pull a prank like that before so…”

“Still”, Erin sighed, with an unhappy look at the engineer, “I’m sorry. This could have ended so badly…”

“But it didn’t”, Holtzmann shrugged, smiling at her and making her smile back weakly, “I’m gonna be fine. Just, no more sesame for me, ever.”

“Agreed”, Erin replied at once, earning another smile from the blonde; she smiled back with a bit more conviction, then leaned in for a gentle kiss, taking hold of Holtzmann’s hand again afterwards, determined to not let go until the engineer would be allowed to go home again.


	89. Broken Glass

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Based on this tumblr prompt: Holtzmann's yellow glasses get smashed during a bust which leads to her telling Erin about being autistic and struggling with photosensitivity. Erin then goes out and buys her a new pair as a surprise present.

Holtzmann was grumpy, and Erin could easily tell that she was, because it happened so rarely.

She blamed it on the bust, how long it was taking already and the fact that it was happening in a factory which had way too many floors on which the ghosts could hide; the bright neon lamps were flickering every now and then, and some places of the building were clearly not used much anymore, looking dirty and dusty, not helping with making the bust more pleasant.

And it had been going on for hours, to make it even more taxing; there was a whole bunch of ghosts, disgruntled factory workers from the 19th century who had died due to lack of safety and care from the owners back then, and they led the Ghostbusters on a merry chase all through the building, up and down the stairs and from one floor to the next.

“Guys?” the radio strapped to Erin’s shoulder crackled to life, “I think we only got one or two left down here. How about you two?”

“Just one, I think”, Erin gave back, looking around to make sure that said ghost wouldn’t ambush her before she continued, “we’ll try to get it quickly and join you guys at the ground floor for a final sweep.”

“Sounds good”, Abby agreed, then the connection fell silent again; on any other day, Holtzmann would have made some joke about how Abby hadn’t ended the conversation the correct way, for a while even having tried to establish code names, but this time, she remained quiet, just looking around grumpily, her bad mood prompting Erin to give her a worried look.

Before she had the chance to inquire though, ask Holtzmann if she was okay or if she needed a break, the ghost they had been chasing after for the past forty minutes came swooping out of the ceiling right above them, making the neon lights flicker even more as it rushed through them and then at the Ghostbusters.

It happened so fast that they had no chance to react, and all Erin could do was to cry out in helpless shock when the ghost slammed into her girlfriend and sent her flying, a low “ooff” coming from Holtzmann as she hit the ground hard a few feet away.

Having no interest anymore in capturing the ghost after what it just had done, Erin dropped her proton wand, letting it dangle from the cable connecting it to the pack, and yanked the proton shotgun out of the holster; the ghost flew at her, clearly eager to take her out next, but she still allowed herself a second to take aim before she pulled the trigger, darkly satisfied when the blast hit the ghost and disintegrated it at once, the improvements Holtzmann had made to the weapon ever since Times Square more than obvious.

“There”, she grumbled as she shoved the gun back into the holster, “this is what you get for slamming into my girlfriend. Holtz? Are you…”

She had been planning to ask Holtzmann if she was okay, but the words died on her lips as she got a look at the engineer; Holtzmann was curled up on the ground, pressing her palms against her eyes, and Erin’s heart plummeted all the way to her stomach.

“Holtz!” she cried out as she ran to where the engineer laid on her side, horrifying mental images of broken glass embedded in the blonde’s eyes plaguing her mind; a second, closer look showed that at least, there was no blood, and a third let Erin notice the broken glasses on the floor next to Holtzmann, but that didn’t take much of her fear and alarm away.

“Holtz”, she said again, kneeling down next to her, not sure if touching her was a good idea, “are you hurt? What’s wrong?”

“Lights”, Holtzmann whimpered in response, and the pieces clicked together in Erin’s mind; for a moment, she felt dreadfully helpless, not sure what to do, then had a vague idea of how to help the engineer, giving her best to sound calming and kind when she responded.

“I’m going to radio Abby now, okay”, she said, “ask her to bring up my sunglasses from the car, alright? Is it okay if I touch you?”

The nod was so small, it was barely perceptible, but Erin had been watching closely, waiting for a reaction, and so, she didn’t miss it; carefully and gently, she placed her hand on Holtzmann’s back, heart clenching up when she felt how tense the muscle was, and began rubbing slow, soothing circles, using her other, free hand to radio Abby.

“The ghost is taken care of”, she said, not bothering to beat around the bush, “but Holtzmann’s glasses got smashed, I need you to get my sunglasses from the car, alright?”

“On it”, Abby gave back at once, to her credit not asking why or what was going on; Erin voiced her thanks, then ended the connection and focused on Holtzmann again, not quite sure what to say or do, disconcerted by how the engineer was still covering her eyes.

“Abby is getting the sunglasses”, she said out loud, just to make sure, suddenly realizing that she had no idea if Holtzmann had listened to what Abby and she had been talking about, “and you’ll be okay, alright? It’s all going to be okay.”

Holtzmann gave another tiny nod, and Erin kept rubbing her back, counting the seconds as she waited for Abby to bring the sunglasses, her heart hurting for her girlfriend and clenching up as she realized how woefully unequipped she was for this situation, not even sure if she was doing the right thing or if perhaps, she was making things even worse.

* * *

Once they had made it back to the firehouse, Holtzmann made a beeline for her lab, and even though all Erin wanted was to make sure that the engineer was okay, she made herself wait, knowing that rushing after Holtzmann immediately would only make things worse; she forced herself to give her almost half an hour, then went upstairs to check on her when she couldn’t take it any longer, the silence from the lab only another indicator that her girlfriend wasn’t quite alright yet.

She found Holtzmann sitting at her workbench, staring down onto her latest project, not working on it though; she had put on the horn-rimmed glasses Erin had seen her use during the epic bust at Times Square, and to the casual observer, to a person who didn’t know her, she might have seemed perfectly okay, but Erin took note of the way her fingers nervously played with a piece of wire, of how her shoulders were slumping and of the blank look on her face, and immediately knew that her girlfriend was not okay.

“Hey”, she said, once again making sure to sound kind and calm, not wanting to accidentally make the engineer feel worse, “feel a bit better?”

Holtzmann just shrugged, Erin taking note of how the engineer found it hard to look her in the eye; eager to make her feel better, Erin reached out to rub her back tenderly, glad when she felt Holtzmann relax a bit at her tender touch, even though the blonde was still tense and visibly upset.

“I’m on the spectrum”, Holtzmann blurted out before Erin had the chance to say or ask something, sounding stilted and oddly monotone, “and, um… photosensitivity… it’s part of… that. For me. I’m not big on neon lights in general and the flickering didn’t help and when my glasses broke… I’m sorry.”

She looked desolate and upset and even a bit frightened, and for a second, Erin wondered why… until the realization hit her, and her heart clenched up.

She thought back to Holtzmann’s toast then, the heartfelt words her girlfriend had said all those months ago, and wondered how often the engineer already had been rejected for this, for something she had no control over.

“You have nothing to be sorry for”, she told her, eager to reassure her that she had nothing to be afraid of, that this wouldn’t change a thing, “and… I sort of… suspected? But it changes nothing, Holtz, you’re mine and I’m yours and I love you.”

Holtzmann looked so relieved that it almost made Erin cry, and she wondered again how often the engineer had been confronted with rejection and negative reactions; and she wondered how anyone could do this, could treat a person as wonderful as Holtzmann like that, simultaneously realizing that this had to be why Holtzmann hadn’t brought it up so far, and asking herself how heavily keeping this to herself had burdened the engineer.

“I love you”, she said again, “I love everything about you. Okay?”

In response, Holtzmann threw both arms around her and hugged her tight; Erin returned the embrace, rubbing her back and kissing the top of her head, and when Holtzmann mumbled “loveyoutoo” into her shoulder, she felt her heart soar to the skies.

* * *

“Holtzmann?” Erin said a few days later as she entered the lab, making Holtzmann look up from her work, Erin giving her a smile as she walked over to the engineer’s workbench and immediately making her smile back.

“I got you a little something”, Erin let her know, pulling the small, wrapped package from her bag – and she had wrapped it in paper covered with little cartoon ghosts, Holtzmann noted with glee, “I hope you’ll like it.”

She handed the package over to the engineer, and, unable to hold back her curiousness, Holtzmann pretty much tore into it, making the physicist smile with her enthusiasm; she gasped when she unpacked a spectacle case, and her eyes went wide when she opened said case and found a pair of steel-framed glasses with yellow lenses inside it, exactly like the ones which had been broken during the bust.

Even the shade of yellow was exactly right, she noticed as she excitedly tried them on, exactly the one which worked best and soothed her the most; touched by her obvious delight, Erin smiled, glad that her present as so well-received, letting out a mixture of squeal and giggle when Holtzmann threw both arms around her again.

“Thank you”, the engineer babbled excitedly, “these are awesome, just perfect, and more comfy than my old ones, too, and just the right kinda yellow, thank you so much!”

“Glad you like them”, Erin smiled, earning a smile so bright from the blonde that it warmed her heart; then, Holtzmann pulled her close and planted a resounding smooch on her lips, making her giggle again.

“Like them”, Holtzmann then echoed, shaking her head, “I _love_ them. Really, thank you. I love them and I love you.”

“I love you, too”, Erin reassured her, then pulled her close for another kiss; and for the rest of the day, Holtzmann was happy and cheerful and smiling, and seeing her girlfriend like this made Erin happier than she ever had been.


	90. In Silence

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Based on this tumblr prompt: Would you ever consider writing a ghostbusters fic where holtzmann goes through a time or just a situation where she's nonverbal?  
> And sort of a sequel / set in the same verse as yesterday's one-shot Broken Glass.

Holtzmann doesn’t like conflict, no matter if it’s involving her or not, and they all know this, and accept it as part of her personality; they all know it, but sometimes, they forget about it, and they certainly forgot about it that night, as emotions are running high.

“I don’t care if it went well, Erin!” Abby snaps, glaring at Erin, who holds her gaze with the same intensity, “it was reckless, and dangerous! We always tell Holtz to not be so reckless and then you do something like this?!”

“It worked, didn’t it”, Erin shoots back, clearly not willing to back down, “the ghost’s been taken care of.”

“Because you jumped over a bigass hole in the floor through which you could have fallen to your death!” Abby argues back, almost shouting at this point, and then slams her fist onto the table to underline her anger, the loud _thump_ making even Patty flinch.

Patty, who has been listening to the two physicists argue, but who also has been glancing at Holtzmann every now and then, and who now takes note of how the engineer shrinks in her seat, as if she’s trying to become invisible, even if none of the angry energy in the room is directed at her.

“Guys”, Patty says in a warning tone, before this argument can get even worse, and at least, that one word and her tone is enough to gain the attention of Erin and Abby, distract them from their fight, and immediately, Erin feels bad as she takes one look at Holtzmann and sees the look on the engineer’s face.

Holtzmann never looks scared when they go after ghosts, no matter what kind of class, but she looks scared now.

“Holtz?” Erin is the one to address her, not sure what sort of reaction to expect; Holtzmann looks up to meet her eyes in response – before she shoots from her seat and bolts up the stairs, gone before Erin has the chance to say something.

“Oh shit”, Abby says feelingly, realizing too late how loud both Erin and she actually have been, and grimacing as she thinks back to how she just slammed her fist down onto the table; she starts to rise from her seat, but Erin shakes her head, and gets up first.

“I’ll talk to her”, she says, and Abby looks like she wants to argue again for a second, but then just nods and sinks back onto her seat, and Erin is somewhat glad – she doesn’t know if she’s the only one of the group who knows that Holtzmann is on the spectrum, but she does know how difficult it was for the engineer to tell her, how afraid Holtzmann has been that she’ll end up rejecting for it, and so, she somehow doubts that Abby and Patty are aware of it.

They might suspect, like she did, before Holtzmann told her and confirmed it, but she’s quite sure that she’s the only one who’s been told directly.

She makes her way upstairs, not surprised to find Holtzmann at one of her workbenches, and not surprised to see that the engineer is nervously fiddling with a piece of wire; the texture and coldness of the metal seems to soothe her whenever she’s upset, and it’s quite obvious that the engineer is feeling this way, not looking at Erin when she softly says her name.

“Holtz?” Erin tries again, walking over to where the blonde is sitting and stopping next to her, but not touching her, not yet, “it’s… I’m sorry that we yelled like this. But it’s all good now, I promise.”

Holtzmann gives her a brief look then, before her gaze drops back to the wire in her hands, and her fiddling with it increases, she bends it this way and that, and Erin feels alarmed, because while she has done some reading on the subject ever since Holtzmann told her she’s on the spectrum, she knows that there is still so much about this she has no idea about.

She’s not sure if touching Holtzmann is a good idea right now, and barely notices how her own fingers start to fidget at her sides; all she wants is to make this better, but she has no idea how, and Holtzmann’s silence isn’t helping the slightest, and Erin can feel herself grow more frantic and…

_Silence,_ it hits her out of nowhere, passages she has read about what being on the spectrum can mean flashing through her mind, _is she…?_

“Holtz?” she says, kind and gentle, still not touching her, but hoping that she’s had the right idea and that she’s on the right track, “I want to make this better, okay? So this is no judgement or anything, just… I just want to know. Is this… are you… oh God, I don’t even know how to say this without having it sound rude. I swear it’s not meant to, Holtz, but are you… are you nonverbal? Right now?”

Holtzmann looks up to meet her eyes so fast that it alarms her all over again, especially when she can’t read the emotion in the other woman’s gaze for a few seconds… until she realizes that it’s surprise, and her heart clenches up.

She wonders if no one before ever bothered to know these things, and what the people in Holtzmann’s past thought whenever she went through this, if they thought she was just being childish and stubborn, when in reality, speaking became so difficult, such a monumental task, something which just couldn’t be done in this very moment.

“It’s okay”, Erin quickly says, smiling a hopefully calming and reassuring smile at the blonde, “really, it is. Is it okay if I touch you?”

Holtzmann gives a nod so brief and terse that Erin wonders if this is difficult for her during such moments, as well; making sure to move slowly, the physicist reaches out and places one hand on Holtzmann’s back, waits for a few seconds to make sure it’s really okay, and then starts rubbing slow, soothing circles, smiles when she feels Holtzmann relax.

“There won’t be any more yelling”, she then says, she’s not sure if this will help Holtzmann, but figures it can’t hurt, “Abby was just worried and scared because of what I did. I’m sorry we got so loud and angry…”

Holtzmann just looks at her for a few more seconds – and then she’s hugging her tight, and buries her face in Erin’s shoulder, and Erin holds her close and rubs her back, reassuring her with soft, soothing words that things are okay, that there will be no more yelling.

Holtzmann only nods, still finding herself unable to talk, but Erin doesn’t push and prod – she knows that her girlfriend will speak again when she’s ready, and she’s content to wait, willing to give her all the time she needs, and this is more than Holtzmann ever would’ve dared to ask for.


	91. Sneaking In

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Based on this tumblr prompt: Could you maybe do one where Holtz is hospitalized and Erin breaks in after hours to be with her? 
> 
> It's short and oddly rambly, but I hope you'll enjoy :D

“It’s just for one night, Holtz”, Abby says, in a reassuring and kind tone, “we’ll pick you up first thing tomorrow morning, okay? They just want to make sure you’re not concussed.”

Holtzmann nods, bravely, but Erin just needs to take one look at her and simply knows.

Her heart aches for the engineer, but she knows that this is the smart and reasonable thing to do; Holtzmann did hit her head pretty hard during that bust, hard enough that she’s bled all over the place, and she still looks woozy now, but also unhappy, because she hates hospitals.

She knows it’s the smart and reasonable thing to do, but that doesn’t mean she has to like it.

“We’ll be right here when visiting hours start”, she says, earning an unhappy look from the engineer, “I promise.”

She bends over to gently kiss the blonde, and when she pulls back, Holtzmann looks as if she might cry, just for a second, then she bravely bites the tears and the emotions back, but Erin’s heart breaks for her all over again.

Not sure what to say to make this better, not sure if there is anything she can say which will make it better, Erin just squeezes Holtzmann’s hand; then, she has to leave the room with the other two, and it’s one of the hardest things she’s ever had to do, the look in Holtzmann’s eyes making her feel as if she’s betraying her, leaving her behind on some sort of battlefield.

Holtzmann feels like crying again when the door clicks shut behind her friends, and she’s alone; she tells herself that this is stupid and childish, she’s in her thirties, for crying out loud, certainly, she can handle one night alone at the hospital.

Still she feels lonely and forlorn and oddly abandoned; she can hear people walk by outside, but feels strangely cut off from them, as if this hospital room is its own little universe, and this thought make her feel even worse.

It makes her think back to other nights spent at the hospital, nights and days she’s been alone because no one cared enough to visit; she knows it’s different now, she has a family, a girlfriend, a girlfriend whom she loves even if she hasn’t told her so yet, and if it had been possible, Erin would have stayed with her, Holtzmann _knows_ this, but she still feels abandoned and can’t help herself.

She needs to distract herself before her thoughts spiral into darkness, and so, she turns on the TV; it takes a while of channel surfing until she finds something remotely interesting, and tries to focus on that, and not on how horribly lonely she feels in this clean white room.

It works, a little and for a bit; the feeling of loneliness, of abandonment, is always there though, at the back of her mind, and tries to push to the front, and every now and again, Holtzmann feels a thick lump form in her throat as tears threaten to fall again.

She focuses on the TV, and on not crying, and is so concentrated on this combination that she almost doesn’t hear the door open, and when she realizes that it is opening, she figures it’s a nurse or doctor, coming to check on her poor mistreated noggin, so when she glances over and sees that it’s in fact Erin, her eyes go wide.

Quickly, Erin lifts one finger to her lips, signalling at her to be quiet; she slips into the room and closes the door, then smiles while Holtzmann just stares at her, flabbergasted, wondering if she maybe has a concussion after all and is hallucinating.

Then, Erin is by her side and grasps her hand and cups her jaw with her other hand and kisses her, and this is as real as it always is, and still all Holtzmann can do is stare at her.

“If I get caught we’ll be in trouble”, Erin whispers after the kiss, “so we’ll have to be quiet.”

“You snuck in?” Holtzmann finally manages to speak, still staring at her as if she’s growing a second head, “for me?”

“Yes”, Erin replies at once, Erin, who never has been big on breaking rules, who worries so much about what others think of her and who always tries so hard to have people like her, and Holtzmann knows all this, knows how much her girlfriend struggles with this, with her anxieties about these things, and so, the physicist being here makes her heart swell up, “I couldn’t… you looked so sad and unhappy when we left, I couldn’t just leave you alone in here all night.”

“I love you”, Holtzmann blurts out in reply, before she can stop herself, and her eyes widen again the second the last word has left her mouth, because they haven’t said this to each other so far, she knows that she feels it and she’s been wanting to say it, but she’s been planning to do it _right_ , not in some hospital room after she got hurt on a bust.

For another second, she frets and worries, worries that she has said too much too soon; then, she sees the look on Erin’s face, the touched astonishment, as if she can’t believe that someone like Holtzmann would love someone like her, while for Holtzmann, it’s exactly the other way round, and then Erin starts to smile, and Holtzmann forgets all about her unhappiness and dismay at being stuck in this place for the night.

“I love you, too”, Erin tells her, voice cracking with emotion; and then she kisses her again, the kiss deepens quickly, all is well, and even though she’s still in a hospital room, Holtzmann feels like she’s finally come home.


	92. Dream A Little Dream Of Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Based on this tumblr prompt: Holtzbert prompt where through an accident, Holtz ends up with Erin's journal, but doesn't realize it till she reads through a page or two. In the journal she finds Erin writing mushy stuff about Holtz, and even writing about wet dreams for Holtz. So Holtz goes to return the journal and Erin realizes what happened, then they talk

“Second floor is mine!” Holtzmann declared, and dashed off before any of the others could stop her; Patty protested and followed her, while Erin and Abby lingered behind, looking at the firehouse and smiling, proud about all they have accomplished.

“Not bad, huh”, Abby said, Erin’s smile widening as she nodded; and just then, a hearse pulled up to the firehouse and a middle-aged man popped out, intercepting Patty before she can follow Holtzmann inside, and demanding to know what happened to the hearse he let her borrow.

“Uh-oh”, Erin let out, while Abby grimaced, the two agreeing that Patty could handle this on her own; they went inside, just in time to see Holtzmann jump up onto the firepole and climb up, and the sight of the muscle of her forearms moving beneath the skin as she did so made Erin feel decidedly warmer than seeing a friend do something like this probably should.

She didn’t even realize that she was staring – at Holtzmann’s butt now, because her upper body was out of view, and the rest of her was vanishing too as she kept climbing up the pole – until Abby elbowed her in the side and raised an eyebrow at her; she blushed and cleared her throat, then blurted out “Moving!” before Abby had the chance to say something, earning another raised eyebrow from her best friend.

“Moving”, Erin repeated, “we’ll have so much stuff to move! From the restaurant to here!”

“…yes”, Abby agreed, “we do, so we better get started as soon as possible, huh?”

She decided not to comment on how Erin had stared – pretty much like she had stared at Kevin when he had entered the lab above the restaurant for the first time –, figuring that Erin wasn’t quite ready to acknowledge whatever she might be feeling for Holtzmann yet, but just smiled at her instead, and after a moment, Erin smiled back, with a hint of silent gratitude in her eyes, showing Abby that her thoughts were quite on point and forcing her to hold back a smile as she found herself wondering where this would lead for the physicist and the engineer.

* * *

Even though Erin’s comment about moving had been a not all too skilled try to distract Abby from how she had stared at Holtzmann, it hadn’t been wrong; there was a lot of stuff they had to move, and since Holtzmann didn’t trust anyone else to move her equipment, they did most of it themselves, everyone packing up random stuff with no system or no care whom it actually belonged to.

Thanks to their erratic packing system – which would have given Erin a few extra grey hairs, had her hair not gone white in the abyss – each of them ended up with several items which weren’t theirs; and once Holtzmann realized what she had in her hands as she unpacked a stack of books, she came to the conclusion that this must have happened with that certain item, too, feeling bad and intrigued at the same time.

She told herself that it wasn’t her fault, and that she hadn’t done it on purpose as she sat staring at the notebook; it looked just like all the other notebooks she’d found in one of the boxes up in her lab, but as she looked at the neat handwriting and what it actually said, it was more than clear that it wasn’t a work-related notebook per se.

She had thought that it was, at first, until she had opened it and had read a random page close to the middle, only realizing what she was holding when she had read almost the full page.

It was Erin’s journal, and Erin was writing about _her._

Clearly, the physicist never had expected anyone to find this, since she hadn’t bothered to use a sort of code; instead, her name was on the page several times, “Holtz” and “Holtzmann” and “Holtzy” jumping out at her from several places on the page, and even though she knew it was wrong, Holtzmann couldn’t help herself, but just _had_ to read what Erin was writing about her.

_Today, Holtz showed us the improvements she made to our gear,_ Erin had written, giving Holtzmann a vague idea about when this entry had been made, _and I know she did an amazing job again, because she’s brilliant and she always does, but I found it so hard to listen to her when she talked. This woman is just too damn distracting! That little dimple whenever she smiles, and it was a sunny day so the sun kind of lit up her hair and I just wanted to kiss her. I really have to get this ~~crush~~ thing under control._

The revelation that Erin had a crush on her made Holtzmann’s heart skip a beat – she had been hoping, a bit, that she wasn’t flirting and dancing and winking for nothing, and here was the reassurance that her hope hadn’t been for nothing, in the physicist’s neat handwriting, and now that it had been confirmed, Holtzmann could feel her heartrate pick up.

_ERIN_ , the next entry started, the way the physicist apparently was yelling at herself intriguing Holtzmann even though she knew that this wasn’t exactly right and nice; she told herself that she should stop, but found herself unable to, wanting to know what had prompted Erin to shout at herself like this.

_Just yesterday you told yourself you have to get this crush under control,_ the physicist had written, the next words making Holtzmann’s eyes widen behind her yellow glasses, _having wet dreams about Holtz won’t help with that! … that dream was so good though. I wonder if she’s as good as she was in my dream. The things she did to me with her mouth…_

Blushing furiously, Holtzmann snapped the notebook shut, telling herself that she had definitely read more than enough now; she took in a few deep breaths to regain her self-control, and just then, Abby appeared on top of the stairs, making her jump when she spoke up.

“Holtz”, the researcher said, taking note of Holtzmann’s healthy facial colour and wondering what was going on, but before she could say more, Holtzmann yelped “nothing!”, her blush increasing further, Abby giving her a confused look in response.

“Um, I mean”, the engineer tried to backpedal, and tried not to look as if she had done something wrong, because deep inside, she knew that reading this had been wrong, “what do you need, Abby?”

“Lunch is here”, Abby told her, curious about this weird reaction, but knowing better than to simply ask, “you coming?”

Holtzmann nodded, looking oddly guilty, the expression on her face increasing Abby’s curiousness; she gave the engineer a questioning look after all, but Holtzmann just smiled at her innocently, letting the journal drop onto her desk as unobtrusive as possible as she followed the researcher downstairs, her mind racing as she tried to figure out how to handle this and what to do with the information she accidentally had gained.

* * *

The last thing Holtzmann wanted was to embarrass Erin in front of Abby and Patty with what she had stumbled upon, and so, she didn’t bring it up during lunch, but waited for a moment when they’d be alone; she wasn’t sure if she should be happy or afraid when this happened faster than expected, as Erin came up to her lab after lunch, to look at some equations Holtzmann needed for the planned proton pack improvements.

“Um, Erin”, the engineer stopped her from leaving again once she had gotten done, “I, uh… there was a bit of a mix-up when we moved. So I… got something which is yours.”

She grabbed the journal from her desk, and it only took Erin one look at it to realize what it was, her eyes briefly widening before her cheeks reddened, the way she suddenly looked uncomfortable making Holtzmann feel bad before she even had admitted that she had read a bit of it.

“I didn’t realize what it was at first, I thought it’s a regular notebook”, she said, unable to keep her tone from going a bit stilted, showing Erin that she was uncomfortable, as well, “so I… read a bit. Sort of. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to, I wouldn’t have read it if I had known…”

Erin just gave a brief, stiff nod, taking the journal from Holtzmann; the engineer could tell that Erin wanted to ask how much she had read, but was too uncomfortable to do so, and she didn’t want to make this worse, deciding that she wouldn’t reveal what she had read, suddenly all too worried that this might cause irreparable damage to their friendship.

“I’m sorry”, she said again, fidgeting uncomfortably; Erin mumbled “it’s fine”, then turned and left without another word, Holtzmann looking after her in dismay, not sure how this might affect their friendship – and wondering if she had shot any potential chance for a relationship she might have had with Erin to bits and pieces now.

* * *

For the rest of the day, Erin didn’t come back up to the lab, and during dinner, she was much quieter than usual; Holtzmann felt bad, but didn’t know what to say or do to make it better, and so, she said and did nothing at all, simply retreating back up to her lab once dinner had been eaten.

She heard the firehouse door open and close a while later, as the others left for the day; Abby and Patty had called up a goodbye, but Erin hadn’t, and even though Holtzmann could understand why, it still hurt.

She was quite sure that Erin had gone home with the other two, and so, when she heard footsteps come up the stairs, she froze, briefly frightened that it was a burglar, wondering if she’d be able to fend them off with one of the pipes she hadn’t used for weapons yet and what she’d do if they had a knife or even a gun… then Erin came up the stairs, and Holtzmann relaxed a bit, even though she was still worried, albeit for a different reason now.

“Oh hey”, she said, fighting the urge to bounce her leg nervously, “I thought you’d left with the others and started to worry that you’re a burglar. I’m glad you’re not. Um, unless you want to steal stuff and sell it on the black market, but I’d be shocked then, cause that would seem very out of character for you.”

She realized that she was rambling and forced herself to shut up; Erin gave her a slightly confused smile, but it was a smile, and it allowed Holtzmann to hope that maybe, her blunder hadn’t destroyed their friendship after all, a hope which only grew when Erin sounded quite like her usual self and not as if she was angry or annoyed with her when she spoke up.

“I’m not planning to steal anything”, she let Holtzmann know, getting a bit nervous, “I, um… I was waiting for the others to leave so we can… talk in peace.”

“Oh, um, sure”, Holtzmann gave back, growing visibly nervous as well, fingers twitching as she wished for a piece of wire or one of her tools to fiddle around with, “um… before you say anything, or yell at me, I didn’t read much, I swear.”

“Well, what did you read?” Erin wanted to know, and for a moment, Holtzmann considered lying to her; then, she told herself that this would be wrong, and that Erin deserved to know the truth, finding it hard to look her in the eye when she replied.

“Um, about how you want to kiss me”, she mumbled, “and how you wanted to get that cru… that thing under control and… about the dream you had. I’m sorry.”

“Oh”, Erin let out, blushing a bit, “um… okay then. You didn’t do it on purpose, so you don’t have to apologize but… I’m so embarrassed now.”

Her blush deepened, and her gaze dropped to the floor beneath her feet; feeling bad again at having made her feel so uncomfortable, Holtzmann quickly shook her head, then realized Erin probably couldn’t see this, with how she stared at her feet, and cleared her throat noisily, making the physicist look up at her again.

“Don’t be”, the blonde said, managing a smile – and thinking back to what Erin had written about her smile, “I was kinda… happy to read that? Because it sort of meant that my flirting wasn’t for nothing. You know? Unless you’re super angry at me now for reading it, even though you don’t seem angry, and I’m starting to ramble again but I’m not sure how to stop unless maybe I’ll pass out from lack of air and—”

She would have gone on and on, she knew, until she might have ended up fainting for real – but Erin cut her off, and did so quite sweetly, too, namely by kissing her, startling Holtzmann into silence as she felt the physicist’s soft lips on her.

She only was startled for a second, then she kissed her back, wrapping both arms around her and pulling her close, and her heart skipped a beat when Erin moaned into her mouth at the kiss deepening.

“Your flirting wasn’t for nothing, indeed”, Erin mumbled once they had pulled apart again, visibly flushed again, even though this time, her flush had nothing to do with embarrassment, “and I’m sort of happy you read it, too, because it gave me the kick in the butt I needed to do this.”

They kissed again then, and this time, it was Holtzmann who moaned, with both pleasure and surprise, as Erin’s hands slid down her back until she could cup her butt, then gave a firm squeeze; pulling back again, Erin gave her a smile full of mischief, and her next words almost made Holtzmann’s knees buckle.

“So, Holtz”, she said, hands still on the engineer’s butt, “why don’t you show me if you can make my dream come true?”


	93. Leap of Faith

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Based on this tumblr prompt:  
> So there are a lot of stories with Erin being all insecure and nervous, which I love since I myself am a nervous insecure wreck 94% of the time, but I would really like to see Erin just casually owning her shit you know? Like she's bi and she knows it and that's that, and she's not baffled by people finding her attractive or interesting. So maybe you could write something with Holtz flirting with her, or trying to pick her up and she's so cool about it that Holtz is taken aback??

Both Abby and Holtzmann have been waiting for this moment ever since Abby put The Book online, so neither of them is very surprised when the door to their lab flies open and Dr Erin Gilbert comes storming in, all righteous anger.

What does surprise Holtzmann is the confidence in her stride, in her posture, even in her voice when she confronts Abby about the book – Abby has told her about Erin, a few bits and pieces, not too much because clearly, it is still painful for her to talk about it, and Abby has talked about a shy, anxious young woman, a woman who’s always put too much thought and energy into worrying what others think about her.

The woman who’s yelling at Abby appears neither shy nor anxious, but perhaps, Holtzmann reasons, she’s just too angry to have time for feeling this way – certainly, she ponders, Erin’s too angry to have noticed her, because she seems completely unaware of her presence.

And Holtzmann is somewhat glad that Erin hasn’t noticed her, because this gives her time, time to study the physicist; she’s known what Erin looks like, of course, but the photo on the back of the book really hasn’t done her justice, the engineer thinks to herself, unable to look away.

She’s been intrigued by the woman’s mind ever since reading the book, but now that Erin is here in the flesh, she is quite intrigued by the rest of her, as well, instantly feeling attracted to her as she watches her argue with Abby.

Then, Abby turns and walks off to yell at the restaurant about her soup, and Holtzmann sees her chance, and of course she takes it.

“Come here often?” The blowtorch hisses to life just as Erin turns to look at her, appearing a bit startled, but Holtzmann can’t blame her for that; she remembers the few things Abby has told her, and anticipates several reactions, but the one she does get is one she hasn’t really been ready for.

Erin raises an eyebrow, and gives her a look she can only describe as an once-over, then smiles, sounding as intrigued as Holtzmann is feeling when she replies.

“Perhaps I should”, she says, and the smile she gives Holtzmann makes her heart skip an excited beat, “and you are?”

“Holtzmann”, Holtzmann tells her, hopping off the chair and taking two quick steps closer to her, feeling a jolt run up her arm when they shake hands; holding her gaze, and still smiling, Erin introduces herself, and holds on to her hand just a few seconds longer than strictly necessary.

Then Abby comes back, and so does Erin’s anger… but when she looks at Holtzmann, the engineer notices how her gaze softens, and she’s not quite sure what to make of this.

* * *

Perhaps, Holtzmann thinks in the following days and weeks, as ghosts are sighted and equipment is developed and they all start working together, Erin’s anger was what made her react so calmly, even interested, to her flirting; and so, being a scientist, she tries to find out if that hypothesis has any merit, if there is a chance Erin might actually be interested in her, as well, or if it has been a one-time, spur of the moment thing.

She learns pretty quickly that it hasn’t been.

She makes flirtatious remarks, innuendos and compliments, and each time she does, Erin smiles, sometimes laughs – an amused, sometimes flattered laugh, not the awkward giggle Holtzmann somehow has been expecting, after the things Abby has told her about the physicist – and sometimes, Erin replies with some flirty words of her own, or just winks at her, and it’s Holtzmann who finds herself flustered in response.

Holtzmann can tell that Abby is just as surprised about this as she herself is, clearly, there have been some changes about Erin since they last met; if Abby has asked her friend about this though, she hasn’t done so when Holtzmann has been around to hear, and so, the engineer has to somehow combine the picture she built of Erin in her head with how the redhead really is, and she only finds herself intrigued more and more by the other woman.

She wonders if there is a way to find out what changed Erin, from the anxiety-plagued, shy young woman she has been when she was friends with Abby to the confident professional who is proudly a part of the Ghostbusters now, a way which won’t be rude or intrusive; she can’t come up with anything, but as it turns out, she doesn’t have to, because Erin brings it up herself, when they are alone on the roof of the firehouse.

They have been up there for a while, just sitting side by side in a silence which is, oddly, not uncomfortable, basking in the messages of gratitude the people of New York have spelled out for them; Abby and Patty have gone downstairs a while ago, Patty telling them that she’ll mix up a batch of drinks to celebrate, and Abby having offered her help.

“I guess Abby told you a few things about me, right”, Erin is the one to break the silence, turning her head a bit so she can look at Holtzmann; for a moment, the engineer considers to deny this, then realizes she doesn’t want to lie to Erin, and so, she nods, giving her a lopsided smile as she responses.

“She did”, she confirms, Erin smiling back at her, “but… no offense, but from what she told me, I was expecting you to be quite… different. Not that this is a bad thing or something.”

“I was”, Erin freely admits, “anxious and shy and struggling with panic attacks. Those only got worse after I’d… abandoned Abby.”

There’s _something_ in her eyes and voice at those last few words which ignites the need to comfort her in Holtzmann, and so, she puts one hand on the physicist’s shoulder, glad that Erin smiles a bit again at the gesture; then, the physicist takes in a deep breath and looks at the skyline again, sounding a bit pensive when she continues.

“They got very bad, for a while”, she lets Holtzmann know, and somehow, Holtzmann can tell that it’s a special privilege to be told about this, that Erin is talking about a part of her past which is still painful and that the words about it don’t come easy, but still Erin keeps speaking, displaying the quiet strength Holtzmann has come to admire about her.

“Bad enough that I thought about… doing something quite… final”, Erin tells her, and Holtzmann moves her hand from the redhead’s shoulder to her back in response, not sure if there are any words she can say which don’t sound like mindless, overused phrases, “and when those thoughts… got too bad, I got help. It wasn’t easy to do so, especially with my experiences with therapy when I was little but… it was either that or… you know.”

She takes in a slow, controlled breath, then looks at Holtzmann again, smiling once more, holding her gaze now, and the engineer’s heart skips an excited beat.

“I was much luckier with that therapist than the ones I was sent to when I was little”, Erin lets the blonde know, “she was kind, and patient, and understanding, and she helped me, a lot. She helped me to be myself, even if that was scary at first. It still is, at times, but it’s getting easier with every day.”

Holtzmann just nods and smiles, still not sure what to say, and not wanting to say the wrong thing, the last thing she needs now is that she ends up sounding patronizing or as if she’s belittling Erin’s experiences; to her relief though, it seems like she doesn’t need to say anything, anyway, because Erin smiles at her again, and then reaches out to grasp her free hand, and the contact sends a jolt all the way up Holtzmann’s arm again, just like the very first time their hands touched, back at the lab at Higgins.

“She’s also taught me that sometimes, one has to take a leap of faith”, she lets Holtzmann know, still holding on to her hand, and they must look like couple-y, Holtzmann thinks to herself, sitting there like this, facing each other, her hand on Erin’s back and Erin’s fingers curled around hers, and the thought makes her heart sing, even if it’s just a brief fantasy she’s allowing herself.

Then, Erin continues, and Holtzmann feels like bursting into song, because with what Erin says next, that fantasy is becoming reality.

“I think now it’s time for such a leap”, Erin says, and then she leans in and kisses the engineer, and her lips are soft and warm and taste so sweet, and Holtzmann thinks to herself that, if she drops dead in this very second, she’ll die happy.

They pull apart again after a while, and Holtzmann can’t stop herself from grinning stupidly, a wide, happy and joyful grin; Erin smiles, too, clearly pleased by this reaction.

“Good leap”, Holtzmann mumbles, and it might be a nonsensical thing to say, but it makes Erin laugh, and so it’s all good, and it only gets better when Erin kisses her again, the skyline twinkling behind them and illuminating them, and Holtzmann has never felt happier.

And from how Erin smiles at her when they pull apart again, from how her eyes twinkle in the light of the messages of gratitude, she can easily tell that it’s quite similar, if not the same, for Erin, too, an impression the physicist confirms with what she says before they kiss yet again.

“Best leap I’ve ever taken.”


	94. Absence Makes The Heart Grow Fonder

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The idea for this came to me yesterday evening, and wouldn't leave me alone, so here we go :D I wrote this fairly quickly, so I apologize for any mistakes, ahem.

_Hey Holtzy. How’s it going?_

Holtzmann smiled as she looked at her phone and saw that the text had come from Abby; she quickly unlocked her apartment door and stepped inside before she wrote back, feeling a bit bad since Abby had sent the message almost two hours ago, but certainly, the researcher would understand that she had been busy.

_Quite good,_ the engineer quickly typed, dropping down onto the living room sofa – she still didn’t think it was as comfortable as the one they had at the firehouse, back in New York, but comforted herself with the fact that she wouldn’t need to use it forever.

_Working with Dr Gorin again is a blast,_ she added, _but I still miss you guys._

It had been thirty-eight days since Holtzmann had temporarily left New York to help her mentor at MIT, Dr Gorin requesting her aid for two to three months; and even though Holtzmann missed her friends dearly each day, especially when she spent the evenings alone in the apartment her mentor had organized for her, she hadn’t hesitated when Gorin had asked her, eager to help after all the help the other woman had given her.

_We miss you too_ , Abby’s response came, making the phone vibrate in her hands, _it’s too quiet here without small to medium poofs coming from your lab. Erin has taken to playing DeBarge when she works, she misses you more than she wants to admit._

This made Holtzmann smile a bit, imagining how Erin sat at her desk and listened to Rhythm of the Night as she worked; the Ghostbusters had been working together for half a year when Dr Gorin had called and had asked the engineer for help, and during those six months, Holtzmann had continuously flirted with Erin, giving her best to make it clear that she was serious and that she was very attracted to the physicist, but while Erin had seemed more flattered than awkward when Holtzmann had left, the redhead hadn’t let it show in any way that she felt something other than friendship for the blonde, as well.

Reading that Erin listened to the very band Holtzmann had danced to for her shortly after they had met warmed the engineer’s heart, and she smiled to herself as she typed a quick response, asking Abby to let the others know she missed them too; then, she got up from the sofa and made her way to the small kitchen, her stomach noisily reminding her she hadn’t eaten since lunch, her thoughts straying to Erin again as she prepared dinner for herself, wondering if Erin missed her as much as she missed the physicist, and wondering if her absence might turn their friendship into something more once she’d be back.

* * *

Another two weeks had gone by, days during which Holtzmann had texted with all three of the other Ghostbusters, and had spoken on the phone with them a few times, as well; she had noticed that Erin’s texts had gotten more and more monosyllabic as those fourteen days had gone by, and while that concerned Holtzmann, she didn’t want to bring it up via text or on the phone, telling herself that she could make being gone for so long up to the physicist once she’d be back.

_Maybe I’ll finally ask her out,_ she thought to herself, allowing herself to get distracted from the blueprints on the living room desk in front of her, _and even if she shoots me down and tells me she wants to be just friends, at least I’ll know for sure then._

A knock at the apartment door tore her out of those musings, and she looked up in surprise, not expecting anyone; curious, she got up from the sofa – still not finding it all too comfortable – and made her way to the door, unlocking it before she pulled it open.

She’d expected various sorts of people to stand in front of her door, from Jehova’s Witnesses to someone collecting donations for various causes, or perhaps one of her neighbours wanting to borrow sugar or an egg.

She certainly hadn’t expected Erin Gilbert to stand in front of her door.

Her eyes widened behind her yellow-tinted glasses, and she took in a breath to say something, even though she wasn’t sure _what_ she wanted to say; before she had the chance to though, Erin took a step closer, a look of determination on her face, Holtzmann having a second to realize that this expression closely resembled the one Erin showed whenever she blasted a ghost to oblivion.

And then, one of Erin’s hands grasped her collar, and the other moved to cup her jaw, and she pulled the surprised engineer closer and kissed her.

Holtzmann was surprised for exactly two heartbeats, then she was kissing back, putting her arms around Erin’s waist, her hands coming to rest on the small of the physicist’s back, a flash of heat running through her when she heard Erin let out a soft moan as the kiss deepened and their tongues met.

The kiss went on for quite a while, and by the time they did pull apart again, Holtzmann’s legs felt like jelly, her heart was racing in her chest and heat had built up at her core; Erin’s eyes were sparkling as she looked at the engineer, a happy smile curling her lips, and the blonde grinned joyfully, her skin tingling where Erin’s hand still rested along the line of her jaw.

“Hi”, the physicist said, of all things; Holtzmann let out a little laugh, arms still around Erin’s waist, then replied with “hi yourself”, Erin giving her another bright smile in response – before her gaze came up as she had detected movement somewhere behind Holtzmann and she froze, going wide-eyed when she saw Dr Gorin sitting on the couch, watching them with a raised eyebrow.

“Good evening, Dr Gilbert”, the elder woman said as Erin blushed furiously, lamenting that she hadn’t thought to check if Holtzmann was alone before she had made her rather bold move, “how are you doing?”

“Um, fine, thank you”, Erin mumbled, her blush deepening, and going almost into crimson territory when Holtzmann snickered; she gave the blonde a strict look, but clearly, Holtzmann was unperturbed by her mentor having watched them make out like that, and Dr Gorin herself didn’t look all too fazed either as she got up from the couch.

“I imagine the two of you have some things to discuss”, she said, and for a second, a smile flashed across her face, so brief that Erin wasn’t even sure if she really had seen it, “I’ll see you tomorrow, Jillian.”

“Yup”, Holtzmann gave back, still grinning from ear to ear; Erin was still blushing as she stepped aside to let the blonde’s mentor pass, Dr Gorin wishing them a nice evening as she walked out, Holtzmann closing the door behind the taller woman and locking it before she turned to look at Erin again.

A second later, they were kissing again, and the only talking they did for the rest of the evening were sounds of encouragement and crying out each other’s name, and when finally, they collapsed onto the bed and Erin snuggled up into Holtzmann’s arms, the blonde couldn’t remember a time when she had been happier.


	95. Through the Shadows

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Based on this tumblr prompt: I have this idea of Holtz having RBD (Recurrent Brief Depression) and Erin kinda finding her during an episode and being really supportive

_And I feel tired, empty and hollow, heart-broken inside_   
_And I feel this life has nothing for me anymore_   
  
  


Once they moved into the firehouse, Erin arrived each day at eight o’clock, on the dot; punctuality always had been important to her, and she wasn’t going to drop that now, no matter if her colleagues were more liberal about their working times or not.

For the past four weeks, she had arrived at eight o’clock, and every single time, Holtzmann had already been there, dancing around her upstairs lab and working on the next generation proton packs and weapons; and every single time, coffee and a bagel were waiting for Erin at her desk, making her smile without fail each day.

When she arrived at work that day, neither the coffee, nor the bagel where there, and no sound could be heard from Holtzmann’s lab, and immediately, Erin worried.

She told herself not to be silly and hysterical, but the feeling persisted, sitting in her stomach like a ball of lead; she took a moment to take off her coat and put her bag onto her desk, then made her way upstairs, and her worries only grew when the lab was dark and empty.

_It’s probably nothing,_ Erin told herself as she pulled her phone from her pocket, checking if Holtzmann has sent a text or perhaps tried to call and tell her she was sick or would be there later that day, and her concern only got bigger when no text or missed call showed up on the display.

Standing there in the empty, dark lab, Erin felt oddly lost, not quite sure what to do; then, she heard the door downstairs open and quickly made her way back to the ground floor, feeling strangely disappointed when she saw that it was Abby arriving, no Holtzmann in sight.

“Abby, good morning”, Erin greeted, and from the way Abby paused, then glanced towards the stairway, the physicist could tell at once her best friend had noted the unusual silence from there, as well, “has Holtzmann told you she’ll come in later today?”

“No”, Abby gave back with a shake of her head, and Erin’s worry only got bigger, “let’s wait until Patty arrives though before we get all nervous, maybe she’ll know something.”

Erin nodded, even though part of her already was sure that Patty wouldn’t know anything, either; and when the historian arrived a few minutes later, that suspicion got confirmed, Erin making a beeline for their filing cabinet the moment Patty had told them Holtzy had neither called, nor texted her.

“I’ll check on her”, the physicist said, before Abby or Patty had the chance to ask her what she was doing, “her home address has to be somewhere in here…”

For a moment, Abby looked as if she wanted to protest, perhaps suggest calling Holtzmann first, before driving to her home; then, she took a closer look, saw the fear and worry in Erin’s eyes, and said nothing, all too aware of what the physicist felt for the engineer, even if perhaps, Erin herself didn’t know it yet.

“Let us know if you need help”, the researcher thus just said, making Erin nod absent-mindedly, the physicist’s focus already on the files; she found Holtzmann’s address quickly and, after grabbing her back and a quick goodbye to the other two, headed out to the engineer’s home, worrying what she might find there.

* * *

Holtzmann didn’t live far from the firehouse, and so, at least, the trip to the apartment building didn’t take long; Erin felt nervous as she climbed the stairs to the third floor, where Holtzmann’s apartment was according to the information in the file, lamenting the out-of-order elevator, taking a few controlled breaths before she knocked the apartment door.

Her worry only grew when no response came, and she felt lost and helpless, not sure what to do; then, following a sudden impulse, she bent down and lifted the welcome mat – not quite surprised that it was one with a picture of Darth Vader and the words “Welcome to the Dark Side” printed on it –, feeling simultaneously relieved and surprised when she did find a key beneath it.

She had expected Holtzmann to have a more creative hiding place for her spare key, but then, Erin figured, it was lucky that the engineer hadn’t been very creative; she unlocked the door, calling out “Holtzmann?” as she entered, images of the blonde lying injured or perhaps even dead in her living room dancing through her mind when no response came.

“Holtz?” she tried again, gently closing the door; said door led from a tiny anteroom right into the living room, which was chaotic, but in a strangely organized way, just so very _Holtzmann_ that it made Erin smile, despite her worries.

“It’s me”, she added as she moved on from the living room, peering into the empty kitchen; then, she found herself in front of a closed door and carefully opened it, her worries spiking when she realized that said door led to Holtzmann’s bedroom and saw the lump beneath the covers.

_Oh my God, she’s sick or hurt or dead, or she would have responded, what happened to her during the weekend? Oh God oh God oh God…_

The lump moved a bit, and Erin’s frantic mind slowed down a bit as the movement showed that at least, Holtzmann wasn’t dead; still Erin was highly worried as she stepped closer to the bed, but gave her best to not let that worry show as she said the engineer’s name once again, eager to sound calming and caring.

“Holtz?” she said again when the only reaction she got was a soft grunt, “are you… sick? Or hurt?”

Another grunt came from the bed in response, sounding close to “No”; not quite sure what to do, Erin moved closer to the bed, then stopped next to it, fingers fidgeting as she tried to figure out if it’d be alright to touch the blonde.

“Can you tell me what’s wrong?” she asked instead, feeling awkward as she stood next to the bed; for a while, there was silence, Holtzmann not even grunting this time, then, an answer came, soft and oddly flat, sounding so unlike Holtzmann that it made Erin’s heart clench up.

“No”, the engineer mumbled, prompting Erin to run a nervous hand through her hair; taking a deep breath, she slowly sat on the edge of the bed, glad when this brought no negative reaction, then reached out and placed one hand on the lump of blanket, figuring that she had to be in the general vicinity of Holtzmann’s back.

“Okay”, she said, hoping that her tone told Holtzmann that it really was okay and that she didn’t sound patronizing or judgemental, “can I… get you anything? Do anything to help you?”

The lump wobbled a bit in response, and it took Erin a moment to realize that Holtzmann had shook her head; she felt oddly helpless again, but refused to give up so fast, eager to help the engineer in any way she could, and if it was just by being there.

“Do you want me to leave?” she still asked, not wanting to make this worse by forcing her presence onto Holtzmann; she felt a bit relieved when the engineer shook her head again after a moment, and started rubbing her back, heart clenching up when she felt the blonde shudder.

“Okay”, Erin said, “I’ll stay then. I’ll just quickly text Abby that I’m here with you, okay?”

Holtzmann gave another brief nod, and Erin quickly dug out her phone, sending a short text to Abby, informing her best friend that Holtzmann was at home and that she’d stay with her; not bothering to wait for a response, the physicist then sat down on the bed, placing her hand on the engineer’s back again, once more giving her best to sound calm and caring when she spoke up again.

“Are you sure you don’t need me to get anything?” she wanted to know, earning another vaguely negative grunt, “something to drink or to eat?”

“No”, Holtzmann mumbled, not really surprising Erin, the physicist by now having a vague idea of what was going on, thanks to her own experiences, and for the first time in her life, she was thankful that she had gone through this, as well, as she hoped it would equip her with the knowledge she’d need to make this better for the blonde.

“I… might have an idea what is happening”, she said, rubbing the blonde’s back soothingly, giving Holtzmann a few moments to respond, and speaking on when the engineer didn’t, sounding soothing and kind, “you’re feeling as if you’re caught in some sort of dark cloud, right? All sad and numb and everything hurts?”

For the first time since she had entered the bedroom, Erin got to look Holtzmann in the eye, since at her words, the engineer had turned beneath the blankets enough to look at her; she looked a bit surprised, but was far from her usual expressive self, and even though it hurt to see the blonde like this, Erin managed a smile when Holtzmann gave a brief nod, confirming her suspicions.

“It’s okay, you know”, she said, moving a bit on the bed so she ended up lying next to the blonde, “it’s okay to feel sad. I’ve been there, still am on some days, so if you want to talk, I’m here, okay? If you don’t want to talk, it’s okay, too.”

As she spoke, she slowly put one arm around Holtzmann, so that she ended spooning her, making sure it was okay, glad when she felt the engineer relax a bit; Holtzmann didn’t say anything, and Erin didn’t push her to talk, but just held her, letting her know that she was there, and that she would be for as long as Holtzmann needed her to.  
  
 _And I feel revived, sacred and honoured, one of the kind_  
 _And I feel this life is something I was chosen for_  
  
 **Insomnium - Through the Shadows**


	96. Zapped

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A workplace accident makes Erin realize quite a few things.

With a small sigh, Erin put down her marker and rubbed her eyes, dismayed by how oddly grainy they felt; a clear sign, she knew, that she should pack up and head home for a night of sleep, but she was _so close_ to cracking this equation, and was sure that she could solve it soon, not wanting to lose her momentum.

She rubbed her eyes again, wondering if she should get some more coffee; a quick glance at her watch showed that it was just past eight p.m., the realization leaving her a bit startled as she hadn’t realized how much time had passed since Abby, Patty and Kevin had left.

Across the lab, Holtzmann was just as absorbed by her work as Erin had been minutes ago; it wasn’t unusual that the two of them worked late, and even though being all alone in the firehouse with Holtzmann made ignoring the crush Erin had on her quite difficult, she also enjoyed these hours, these times when it was just Holtz and her and they sometimes would end up chatting instead of working, the physicist learning interesting little new tidbits about her friend each time they talked like this.

Stretching, Erin grimaced when her back cracked audibly, and figured that going downstairs for some coffee would be a good idea; and just as she turned to ask Holtzmann if she wanted some too, there was a bright flash from the proton pack the blonde was working on, and a bang, and Holtzmann stumbled back a few steps before she seemed to stumble over her feet and went down.

She hit the floor hard and remained there, and when she didn’t move, Erin felt a cold pang of fear in her chest.

“Holtz?” the physicist said, a bit of a tremble in her voice, all thoughts of coffee and her grainy eyes forgotten; as she moved closer to where Holtzmann laid motionless on the floor, she had a few seconds to hope that perhaps, the engineer was faking it, trying to prank her, it wouldn’t be the first time that Holtzmann was playing some sort of practical joke.

Then, she took another step closer, and realized at once that this wasn’t any kind of prank, because Holtzmann not only still didn’t move, but she also wasn’t breathing.

“Holtzmann!” The pang of fear she had felt earlier became a tidal wave which swept away all hope that this was some sort of prank; the last few steps were an odd mixture of stumble and running, and then Erin was on her knees next to the blonde, heart racing in her chest as she tried to figure out what to do.

_Ambulance first aid make sure she has a pulse oh my God what if she hasn’t I don’t know what to do_

Her thoughts were a jumbled mess, and her hand shook so badly when she placed two fingers against Holtzmann’s neck that she had trouble finding the pulse point, but even when she did, she felt nothing, and the fear and panic only grew.

She heard someone say “oh God no” over and over again, belatedly realizing that the words were coming from her own mouth; squeezing her eyes shut, Erin forced herself to take a few deep breaths, telling herself she couldn’t help Holtzmann by panicking, trying to get some order into the chaos her mind had been plunged into.

“Ambulance”, she mumbled to herself, not even noticing how she slipped back into the old habit of talking to herself, something she had picked up when she had been so very lonely, before she had reunited with Abby again and the Ghostbusters had been founded, “call an ambulance first, then first aid. You can do this Erin.”

She pulled her phone from her pocket with shaking fingers and dialled 911, bravely holding back tears when the call was taken and the friendly voice of the operator asked her what her emergency was.

“My colleague, um, my friend, she got electrocuted”, Erin said, struggling to make sure her speech wouldn’t come out too fast and get all garbled, “during work, I’m one of the Ghostbusters, she’s not moving and not breathing and there’s no pulse… I have to do CPR, please send someone quick!”

She added the address, and the operator reassured her an ambulance would be there as fast as possible; then, the woman asked if Erin wanted her to stay on the phone with her until it’d arrive, but Erin declined, telling herself she had to focus on CPR next, before too much time had passed.

Quickly, Erin ended the call once the operator had reassured her once more that the ambulance would be there quickly, then let the phone drop down to the floor unceremoniously; she had taken a first-aid course when she had started working at Columbia, and she hoped she still remembered enough to actually help Holtzmann and not make it worse, her mind racing as she tried to recall what she had been taught.

“Chest compressions, then mouth-to-mouth”, she mumbled to herself, simultaneously opening Holtzmann’s shirt and exposing her chest and stomach, “make sure the brain gets air…”

She took in a deep breath, trying to calm herself, then started the chest compressions, giving her best to keep to a steady rhythm; the instructor back at Columbia had told them that doing the compressions to the rhythm of _Staying Alive_ was a good way to go, and the song now looped endlessly in her head as she began.

The instructor had said that they should do the compressions thirty times, then mouth-to-mouth two times; already by fifteen, Erin was sweating and breathing heavily, but she didn’t allow herself to slow down, sticking to the rhythm as she kept going.

“Come on, Holtz”, she whispered, fear still having a tight grip on her own heart while she tried to get Holtzmann’s to beat again, “come on, wake up. Come back to me.”

She stopped the compressions and bent over the blonde’s face, pinching her nose close with one hand and pulling her head back in her neck so her airways would be open; then, she breathed into the engineer’s mouth, filling her lungs with air, crazily thinking about how she certainly hadn’t imagined pressing her lips against Holtzmann’s for the first time like this.

She breathed into the blonde’s mouth again, then pulled back for more chest compressions; at some point, she felt something crack beneath her palms, but she kept going, ignoring the burning pain in her arms and how her own breath got heavier and heavier.

Trying to catch her breath, she bent over Holtzmann again to breathe for her once more; and when she pulled back from the second breath, and moved her hands to the engineer’s chest again, Holtzmann suddenly coughed and twitched, so unexpectedly that Erin flinched back.

She regained her wits quickly though, remembering something else the instructor had said, a not unimportant piece of information about the possible aftermath of receiving CPR, and from the retching noise Holtzmann made next, Erin realized quickly that this was exactly what was happening to the blonde.

Quickly, she grabbed the engineer and turned her on her side, just in time, tears of relief blurring her eyes even as Holtzmann threw up.

“You’ll be fine, you’ll be okay”, Erin babbled as she rubbed Holtzmann’s back, hearing the ambulance men open the door downstairs and for once making her glad that apparently, whoever had left last hadn’t locked it; one of them called out, and she yelled back “up here!”, then went back to rubbing Holtzmann’s back and reassuring her she would be okay until the ambulance men joined them at the upstairs lab.

* * *

“I don’t ever want to experience something like this ever again”, Erin mumbled quite a while later, leaning forward in the uncomfortable hospital chair and rubbing her temples; her arms still felt sore, and she figured she’d _really_ feel that in the next day, but certainly it was nothing compared to the pain Holtzmann had to be in, a shudder running down her spine as she thought back to the crack she had felt when she had been performing CPR.

“I imagine”, Abby showed sympathy, rubbing Erin’s back; she still was somewhat reeling herself, Erin having called her while Holtzmann had been taken to the hospital, and they all had met there, Abby having called Patty, the three women now sitting and waiting for the doctor to tell them if Holtzmann would be alright.

“Good thing you worked late, too”, Patty commented, making Erin look at her, “if Holtzy had been alone…”

“Let’s not go there”, Erin said at once, shaking her head for emphasis; Abby gave her back another rub, earning a weak smile from the redhead, all three of them tensing up again though moments later as a doctor approached them.

“You’re here for Dr Holtzmann?” the elder woman wanted to know, smiling when they all nodded; and moments later, she told them what they had been hoping for, letting them know that Holtzmann was stable and would be alright.

“I can only permit one of you to see her now though”, she added, “I hope you understand, letting three people into her room at once might be a bit overwhelming.”

Abby and Patty both looked to Erin in response, the physicist momentarily taken aback; she asked if they were sure, and once they both had confirmed, gave them a grateful look before she followed the doctor to Holtzmann’s room.

She was mildly surprised to find the engineer awake, somehow having been sure that the blonde would be sleeping or even unconscious; and as Erin entered the room and their eyes met, Holtzmann immediately smiled at her, and Erin felt like crying all over again as she realized that, had things gone bad, she never would have seen that smile again.

“Jesus, Holtzmann”, she said once she could be sure she wouldn’t burst into tears the moment she’d open her mouth, “don’t ever scare me like this again, you hear?  How are you feeling?”

“Tired”, Holtzmann gave back, unsurprisingly, managing another smile afterwards, “but glad to be alive. You saved my life, Erin. Thank you.”

Erin hadn’t quite expected that, and felt her cheeks heat up; she shrugged and smiled a bit as she moved over to the bed, then sat down next to it, after a moment of hesitation reaching out to take hold of Holtzmann’s hand, her smile widening when a bit when she felt the engineer’s fingers curl around hers.

“Nothing to thank me for”, she told the blonde, squeezing her hand, “I’m just glad you’re going to be okay. I got so frightened when you laid there and didn’t move…”

“I should have been more careful”, Holtzmann sighed, shifting a bit on the bed and grimacing as this sent a twinge of pain from her chest through her body, reminding her of her broken rib, “if you hadn’t been around… Thanks again.”

Erin gave her hand another squeeze, her cheeks reddening again, the fingers of her free hand beginning to fidget as she cleared her throat; by now, Holtzmann knew her well enough to know that this was a sign that the physicist was struggling to say or do something, and even though she was curious, she remained quiet, knowing that all Erin needed was a bit of time.

“You know”, the physicist began after a minute had ticked by in silence, cheeks still reddened, but her fingers stilling again when Holtzmann gave her an encouraging look, “when this happened I… I realized how fast things can change. Can go bad. And I thought about how long we… have been dancing around each other, for weeks, months, and if things had gone wrong today…”

She trailed off and swallowed, then looked Holtzmann in the eye, showing that she was serious and sure of what she was saying when she went on.

“We’ve been doing this dance long enough”, she said, while the engineer held her breath, not even fully noticing she was doing it, “so it’s time to take the next step. Holtz, once you can leave this place, do you want to go on a date with me?”

“I’d love to”, Holtzmann replied at once, without a second of hesitation; Erin smiled brightly, making the blonde smile back at her, then leaned in and gently kissed her cheek, holding on to her hand afterwards as long as the doctor let her stay, knowing she’d count the minutes until Holtzmann would be allowed to leave and they’d go on their first date together.

She was quite sure that there would be many more to follow.


	97. The Way You Are

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Based on this tumblr prompt: we've seen jealous Erin. What about jealous Holtzmann this time?

“Thank you so, so much”, the Ghostbusters’ latest client practically gushed as Abby reassured him that the ghost – his uncle, according to the middle-aged man, a nasty man who never had liked him and had never made his dislike a secret, “I don’t know how much longer I could have dealt with that. Thank you.”

“Nothing to thank us for”, Erin replied, smiling at him, and prompting him to beam back at her, “it’s what we’re here for. We’re glad we could help.”

His smile only widened further in reply, and he grasped both of Erin’s hands, babbling more words of gratitude; he held on to the physicist’s hands a bit longer than it would have been appropriate, Erin smiling a bit awkwardly by the time he finally did let go of her again, only feeling more awkward when he then followed them to the car and watched how Holtzmann started putting the proton packs away.

“Dr Gilbert”, he said abruptly, making Erin look at him, awkwardness only increasing at the bright grin he gave her, “I’ve read your book, you know, before I called you guys, it was really good.”

“Thank you”, Erin gave back, smiling what Holtzmann always referred to as her _polite smile of politeness_ , “Dr Yates and I worked hard on it.”

“You know”, he went on, and suddenly, Erin just knew where this would lead, and almost winced, “I got an interest for particle physics a bit myself, since I read that book. Perhaps we could have a talk about this subject some time? Maybe over a nice dinner?”

“That is very kind of you, thanks”, Erin replied, noting from the corner of her eye how Holtzmann shot the man a glare, something he remained oblivious to though, “but I’ll have to decline your offer.”

The pre-Ghostbusters Erin would have given an excuse for why she had no interest in going out with the man, or might have ended up saying Yes just to be polite; being a Ghostbuster had given her self-confidence quite the boost though, and so, she didn’t bother to add any sort of explanation, the man’s face falling when he realized that he wouldn’t get the date he apparently desired.

“Oh”, he let out, earning another polite smile, and before he could say anything else, Holtzmann slammed the trunk of Ecto-1 shut, perhaps with a bit more force than necessary, and let the other three know that they were ready to head back to the firehouse.

The man still looked somewhat forlorn and disappointed, didn’t try to ask Erin out again though; instead, he just thanked them for their help once more, and not long after that, the Ghostbusters were on their way back to their HQ.

Already during the drive, Erin noticed that Holtzmann was upset about something; the engineer was much quieter than usual, gripped the steering wheel just a bit tighter than necessary, and didn’t even hum along to the radio, a clear sign that something was bothering her.

Even though this worried her, Erin didn’t comment on it – she suspected where this shift in Holtzmann’s mood had come from, and didn’t want to discuss it in front of the others, keeping her concerns to herself, until they were back at the firehouse and she joined Holtzmann up in her lab.

“Holtzmann?” she started cautiously, making the engineer look up from her current project, “you’ve been so quiet on the ride home. What is it? Is it about that guy hitting on me?”

Holtzmann let out a vaguely agreeing grunting noise, eyes dropping to her workbench again while one hand came up to tug at her ear, showing that she was uncomfortable; this was the first time Erin saw Holtzmann display that sort of dismay, perhaps even jealousy, about a man hitting on her, and her mind raced as she tried to figure out how to best deal with this.

“I know it’s stupid”, Holtzmann mumbled before Erin had the chance to say something, briefly glancing at her before her gaze dropped back to the workbench, “and irrational, and you’ll probably be pissed when I tell you what I was thinking but I can’t help it…”

“If it makes you feel this way, it’s not stupid”, Erin reassured her, daring to reach out and place a gentle hand on Holtzmann’s back, glad when the touch wasn’t met with any sort of negative reaction, “and you can tell me, I promise I won’t get mad.”

“It’s stupid”, Holtzmann repeated, with another unhappy look at the physicist, “and I know it is, part of me knows, but… another part, a much louder one, that part worries that sooner or later, you’ll realize this isn’t what you want, _I’m_ not what you want, and then a guy like the one from today will come along, or maybe a lady like that guy, you know, proper and normal and not weird like me and…”

Her voice had grown increasingly monotone and stilted as she had spoken, and now, when she trailed off, she fidgeted on her seat, still finding it hard to look Erin in the eye, her obvious discomfort making the physicist’s heart ache.

“Holtz”, she said, keeping one hand on her back while she grasped one of Holtzmann’s with the other, “it’s not stupid, and I’m not getting mad, okay? I’m glad you told me. And I know that I can’t take these feelings away with just a few words but… Holtz, I love you, _all_ of you, just the way you are. What we have is important to me, and special, and I wouldn’t give it up for anything – or anyone – in the world. Alright?”

On any other day, Holtzmann might have made some joke at this point, just to relieve some of the tension; clearly though, she had been carrying these worries around for a while, and the client hitting on Erin had brought them to the surface with too much weight to let her shrug it off, and so, she just looked at the redhead – before she hugged her tight, Erin returning the embrace at once, hoping that, if her words hadn’t taken all those insecurities away, they at least had made them a bit better.

“I love you too”, Holtzmann mumbled, in a rare display of vulnerability letting Erin see behind the self-confidence she usually displayed from day to day, “and I’m sorry, I shouldn’t…”

“Don’t be sorry”, Erin reassured her, rubbing her back soothingly, “you have nothing to be sorry for. As I said, I’m glad you told me. Please don’t ever feel as if you can’t tell me such things, okay? Just like I’ll tell you, and then we can handle them together.”

Holtzmann managed a weak smile and nodded, and Erin smiled back at her; and then, she kissed the blonde tenderly, and Holtzmann kissed her back at once, and despite the stabs of insecurity the engineer still felt, she felt much better about the whole situations, her worries and fears quieting down, and silenced even further at the gentle kiss and touch of her love.


	98. Texting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Based on this tumblr prompt: I have a prompt based on a grammar joke I saw. Holtz sends Erin a text that says "your adorable." Erin responds with "No. YOU'RE adorable." Erin is just trying to correct Holtz' grammar, but it turns into an embarrassing story of cuteness. I wouldn't mind a kiss, either.

“Erin, we’re going home”, Abby announced, not really surprised when Erin only acknowledged this with a brief nod, lost in her work as she sat in front of her laptop, “see you tomorrow. Don’t stay too long. Holtzy’s still upstairs, so don’t be alarmed if there’s a small or medium poof.”

“Uh-huh”, Erin let out, prompting Abby to roll her eyes affectionately; she wished Erin a nice evening, then headed out with Patty, the physicist barely registering the door closing behind them.

For a while, she worked in silence, fully focused on her task, not even noticing how the minutes ticked by – until her phone vibrated on her desk and tore her out of her focus, a frown creasing her brow when she saw that it was a text and who had sent it.

_Holtz: Eriiiiin_

Her frown deepened, and for a moment, she considered getting up and making her way upstairs to ask why Holtzmann was texting her when they were in the same building, then decided against it, figuring that if the engineer started this, she might as well respond the same way.

_Erin: Why are you texting me? You’re one floor above me!_

_Holtz: Too lazy to walk. Do me a favour?_

_Erin: Depends on what it is._

_Holtz: Check the fridge if there’s Monster left down there? Stash up here is gone. Pleeeaaase :-)_

_Erin: I shouldn’t support your addiction to these things, but since you asked so nicely…_

_Holtz: Thaaaank yooouuu your adorable_

_Erin: No, you’re adorable._

_Holtz: Why thank you hot stuff ;-)_

Too late, Erin realized how her impulse to correct Holtzmann’s grammar could be read, and she was glad that she was alone in the room as she felt her face flush at once.

_Erin: Holtzmann! That is not what I meant!_

_Holtz: You don’t think I’m adorable then??_ _Awww Er-Bear I’m so hurt :-(_

Erin held back a groan, not sure if Holtzmann would hear upstairs, and let her head drop down onto the table, feeling bad even though she couldn’t be sure how serious Holtzmann was – the last thing she had wanted to do, after all, was to hurt the engineer’s feelings.

_Erin: Holtz no, that is not what I meant. I’m sorry._

_Holtz: You do think I’m adorable then? :D_

Now, Erin did groan, realizing she had perfectly set herself up for this one, running one hand down her face as she tried to figure out how to answer this – she didn’t want to hurt Holtzmann again, but also didn’t want to reveal the secret crush she had on the engineer, and certainly not via text message.

_Erin: Well, you do have your moments. :-)_

That was a good answer, Erin figured, neutral and not too revealing, but, as the phone vibrated again and she saw Holtzmann’s answer, she held back another groan, realizing she should have seen this coming.

_Holtz: I do? Like when? :D_

_Erin: Well, for example, when you dance while you work. That is quite adorable._

She could have added another thousand things, but held them back, figuring that listing them all would not only take her forever, but would most definitely also tip Holtzmann off that Erin felt a bit more for her than friendship.

_Holtz: Your dancing is quite adorable too hot stuff_

It was ridiculous, Erin thought to herself, how she’d blush even when she just read Holtzmann calling her “hot stuff”, and didn’t actually hear the engineer say it; she held back yet another groan, her mind racing as she tried to figure out what to respond, but before she could come up with something, the phone vibrated in her hand again, signalling another text had come in.

_Holtz: So is the way you chew your markers when you are deep in thought and how you blush when you get a compliment and the badass look you give the ghosts when you blast them to bits_

_Erin: So you say I’m adorable even when I look badass?_

_Holtz: You’re always adorable Erin_

Somehow, the fact that Holtzmann simply had used her name instead of some pet name made the compliment feel even more sincere; and as Erin blushed again, she put the phone in her pocket, then got up and hurried to the fridge, smiling when she found a can of Monster cooled there.

Quickly, not wanting to have Holtzmann think that she had said the wrong thing and had offended her somehow, Erin grabbed the can and headed up the stairs to the lab; Holtzmann was sitting at one of her workbenches, phone in hand, apparently waiting for Erin’s reply, looking somewhat surprised when she heard Erin come up the stairs and their eyes met as she glanced towards the stairway.

“So are you”, Erin said before she could overthink this and stop herself; Holtzmann smiled brightly at her, the physicist returning her smile as she made her way to where the engineer was sitting, and put the energy drink down onto the workbench.

Their eyes met, and for a few seconds, Erin was quite sure that her heart was stopping, as she could almost feel the air between them crackle with sudden tension; and then, she looked away and cleared her throat and the moment was gone, and she cursed herself as she turned back towards the stairs, turned quickly so she wouldn’t see possible disappointment or even anger on Holtzmann’s face.

And then, she paused, suddenly not so sure anymore that she wanted to walk off and act like this moment hadn’t happened; there had been other moments like this one before, moments she had let gone by unused, chances she hadn’t taken, and even though she was terrified of ending up rejected, Erin suddenly had enough.

She dug out her phone again, feeling Holtzmann’s questioning look on her back, but not daring to turn around, not yet, and quickly typed, before she could overthink things yet again and stop herself.

_Erin: :*?_

She almost waited for the phone to vibrate in her hand again; instead, she heard Holtzmann move behind her, then the engineer was in front of her, not moving in immediately though, but giving her a chance to back out instead, something Erin was immensely grateful for.

It was a chance she didn’t take though, and one she’d never regret taking – instead of backing out, she took a step forward, wrapped both arms around the blonde and kissed her, and Holtzmann kissed her back at once, not even hesitating for a second.

“I have to make a confession”, the engineer mumbled once they had pulled apart again, not quite what Erin had been expecting to hear, but from the happy grin on Holtzmann’s face, she figured it couldn’t be something bad; she gave the engineer a questioning look, and Holtzmann cleared her throat, a hint of mischief in her voice when she spoke on.

“First, I’ve wanted to do that for a long time”, she let Erin know, making her blush yet again, “and second… I totally made that grammar mistake on purpose, cause I knew you’d correct me. Didn’t dare hope it would lead to this, though.”

“Dork”, Erin replied, with an affectionate roll of her eyes; Holtzmann chuckled in response, and Erin smiled – before she pulled her close for another kiss, glad that this time, she hadn’t let her chance go to waste.


	99. Lashing Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Based on this tumblr prompt: Erin doesn't know who she is anymore because she's confused on whether she loves Holtz or not and so she hurts Holtz and then does something for Holtz to show her she loves her?

For the past fifteen years of her life, Erin had lived her life according to strict planning, and carefully had chosen which parts of herself she revealed to the world and which she kept hidden; her goals had been clearly defined – get tenure at Columbia, have her work published, perhaps find a nice man to settle down with – and she had worked towards them with fierce determination, no matter how unhappy she had felt in the darkest hours of the night.

In the past four weeks, all these goals and plans had been blown to bits, and even though Erin loved the work she now did, she sometimes found herself worried, too, for the first time in decades without a definite plan for her future.

The immediate future was well defined, she knew, researching the paranormal with her best friends, busting ghosts and doing what only could be described as ground-breaking science; part of her worried though, afraid that all of this could be taken away again as quickly as they had received it, and what would they do then?

And not only did she sometimes find herself worrying about her future career, Erin had to admit to herself, but other things clouded her mind, as well – namely confusion about what she felt for one of the friends she was working with.

She already had started feeling this way when she had met said friend and colleague for the very first time, when the words “come here often?” had been spoken from behind her, and had startled her – and when she had turned, she remembered, and her eyes had met Holtzmann’s, she had felt a jolt in her very core, a feeling she wasn’t unfamiliar with, but certainly hadn’t expected to experience there, of all places.

And it hadn’t stopped there, Erin quickly had learned, after successfully having tried to convince herself that it had been a one-time thing, caused by her surprise and by how Holtzmann had startled her; she felt it again each time the engineer flirted with her, or winked at her, and even when Holtzmann was doing things not connected to flirting, when the engineer danced as she worked or when her face lit up whenever she explained the newest weapon she had come up with and, one memorable time, when Holtzmann licked her fingers clean after having eaten a particularly messy sandwich.

These feelings confused Erin, and frightened her a bit, and even though with Abby, her best friend had come back to her life, she found herself unable to bring this certain topic up with the researcher, not sure how to explain what Holtzmann made her feel – and too afraid of what Abby might say to her in response.

What made this even worse was that Erin was afraid of several options – of Abby telling her that it meant nothing, that Holtzmann flirted this way with everyone, and simultaneously, oddly conflicting, of Abby telling her that Holtzmann did not act this way with everyone, that she was special and that the engineer indeed had feelings for her.

Erin wasn’t quite sure which of those options frightened her more.

She had been aware that she wasn’t perfectly straight for a large part of her life, but never had dared act on any feelings which did not fit the norm; and while her new job as a Ghostbuster should have made it easier to handle this, as well, it only made it worse, as she found herself wondering if she wasn’t weird enough already, if she really had to add to that by having a crush on her female colleague.

These thoughts and worries kept her awake at night, fed by the anxiety she had been struggling with ever since her neighbour’s ghost had ended up at the end of her bed when she had been a child; and so, it shouldn’t come as a surprise that she felt irritated and grumpy when she went to work after another night spent agonizing about what she felt for Holtzmann, about the unexpected turns her life had taken in the past few weeks.

“Good morning hot stuff”, Holtzmann greeted her as she entered the kitchen, eager to get some coffee, hoping the beverage would make her feel better; Holtzmann gave her a smile and a wink, and thanks to her lack of sleep and worries and anxieties, this somehow set Erin off, and she spoke before she could stop herself.

“Okay, you have got to stop that”, she said, harsher than she had intended, judging from how startled Holtzmann looked, “this is not behaviour appropriate for a workspace, Holtzmann! We are a government-funded research team, so act accordingly and like a professional!”

The hurt look on Holtzmann’s face made her heart cramp up, but she realized too late what she had said, with how much venom she had lashed out at the engineer for something which wasn’t even Holtzmann’s fault; before she could say something though, take her words back or apologize, the engineer’s gaze dropped to the floor and her shoulders slumped.

“Sorry”, Holtzmann mumbled, uncharacteristically soft, her hand coming up to tug at her ear, a clear sign for how uncomfortable she was, and a sign which only made Erin feel worse, “I didn’t… I’m sorry.”

And with that, the blonde turned and practically fled to her upstairs lab, her coffee mug forgotten on the counter, and as she watched her rush off, Erin felt like crying as she fully realized what she had done and how badly she just had hurt the engineer.

* * *

When Erin went up to the lab a few hours later, it was suspiciously quiet, had been all morning, just another sign that Holtzmann had been hurt deeply by her words; and so, she wasn’t surprised to find the engineer sitting at her workbench and just staring at the project in front of her, not moving a muscle, no tool in her hands or even anywhere near her.

A closer look revealed said project to be the proton shotgun Holtzmann was upgrading for her, and Erin only felt worse.

“Holtz?” she said in a small, timid voice, prompting the engineer to briefly glance at her before her gaze dropped back to her workbench; clearing her throat, Erin walked to where the blonde was sitting, stopping in front of her, taking in a deep breath before she continued, undeterred by how Holtzmann refused to look at her.

“I’m sorry”, she started with what she figured was the important part, “for snapping at you like that, that… wasn’t right. And it wasn’t your fault, okay? You didn’t do anything wrong, I just… I lashed out and you were the nearest target. It was a shitty thing to do and I’m truly sorry.”

Holtzmann finally looked up at her at that second apology, and their eyes met; Erin smiled, then reached out and briefly touched the other woman’s shoulder, glad when Holtzmann didn’t react negatively in any way to her touch.

“I’m not trying to justify what I did”, she went on, feeling herself blush as she revealed much more with her next words than she ever had planned to, “but… you know, for the past fifteen years, I always had a plan, I knew who I was and where I was going. Dr Erin Gilbert, working towards her tenure and perhaps looking for a nice guy to settle down with. Now, I’m a Ghostbuster, and… thanks to a certain colleague, I’m not so sure about the nice guy thing anymore either. And that frightened me, and confused me, and I took it out on you, and I’m sorry.”

“Is it Kevin?” Holtzmann finally did say something, and before she could stop herself, Erin let out a snort and shook her head; Holtzmann managed a weak smile, as well, and Erin reached out once more, grasping the engineer’s hand, and from how her cheeks reddened again, Holtzmann could tell at once that what she said next needed quite the courage.

“It’s you”, the physicist admitted, “which makes what I said to you even shittier. I’d… I’d really like to make this up to you so… Would you like to go for dinner? With me? Um… on a date?”

“I’d love to”, Holtzmann replied at once, making it clear that her flirting had been quite serious all this time indeed; relieved, Erin smiled at her – and then surprised her by leaning in and pressing a quick kiss to her lips, her smile widening when she pulled back and saw the dumbstruck look on Holtzmann’s face.

“Looking forward to it”, the physicist whispered, squeezing her hand; Holtzmann only managed a brief nod, and Erin let out a little giggle before she let go of the engineer and went back downstairs.

When she heard a loud “Wooohooo!” from the upstairs lab a minute later, she felt even better.


	100. Hashtag

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my 100th one-shot for this pairing. Yikes XD So before I get started, let me a bit mushy here (feel free to jump the mushiness and go right to the story, lol).   
> In 2016, I had writer's block. The BIGGEST writer's block I had had in a while, and it was driving me crazy. Then, I went to see Ghostbusters with my better half, and the day after, I had a bunch of fic ideas and a new ship I was all heart-eyed for. And then, I realized that I'm not the only one, that there are others out there who see what I saw when I was awed by this movie.  
> So, thank you Ghostbusters for getting me out of this writer's block, thank you Holtzbert for being such an awesome ship - and thank you to each and every one of you, for reading the weirdness my brain comes up with, for all the comments and kudos and love. This fandom is one of the best, sweetest and most supportive I've ever had the pleasure to be part of. Special big thanks and a *fist-bump* to my wonderful friend I made thanks to this ship, my Holtzbro maschinenmensch <3  
> You're all amazing and I <3 you all.

It had been a long and busy day at the firehouse, and so, the Ghostbusters had turned in fairly early, each of the women retreating to her own room at the firehouse; they all still had an apartment – at least Erin thought so, suspecting that Holtzmann was living at their headquarters permanently and just pretended to have a place of her own – but spent most nights at the firehouse, anyway, thanks to the fact that ghosts didn’t really care about office hours and often ended up showing their transparent faces at night instead of some time between nine and five.

Once alone in her room, Erin waited a few minutes to make sure nobody would pop in for a little talk – sometimes Abby would drop by, sometimes Patty, and sometimes Holtzmann, and she didn’t want to be caught by any of them looking at what had been on her mind all day. Most certainly not by Holtzmann.

Feeling as if she was doing something shady, Erin could feel her heartrate pick up as she opened up her laptop’s web browser; she glanced at the door again, as if someone might magically appear there any second, then took in a deep breath – before she opened a certain webpage and typed, feeling her palms grow sweaty even though it was just a few letters.

_#holtzbert_

It had been an accident that she had found out about this, she remembered as she looked at the new content, things which had been added since the previous evening; she had been looking at comments for an article about the Ghostbusters, and someone had made a mention of this hashtag, and it had caught her eye.

At first, she had thought that someone had accidentally mixed up her own name and Holtzmann’s, for whatever strange reason, that it just was a weird little mistake.

How wrong she had been.

She had quickly learned that there were people out there who were convinced that there was something going on between Holtzmann and herself, and these people were eager to document this idea, posting pictures and pointing out how, in said pictures, Erin was looking at Holtzmann and vice versa; several people claimed that they had seen them in person and that they had been looking at each other like people in love, these accounts always making Erin blush as she found herself wondering how, if even random strangers could see the way she looked at Holtzmann, the woman in question herself didn’t notice.

_Holtzmann always flirts with Erin, even during busts,_ she read one of the new posts, cheeks heating up even further, _and you should see how she reacts to it, she gets all flustered and blushy. It’s so cute._

Pictures and comments on article weren’t all the people out there collected and wrote about them though, Erin had learned during her research – all in the name of science, of course – there were people out there writing actual stories about them, something apparently called _fanfiction,_ and by now, she knew that “Holtzbert” was their ship name, perfectly aware what _shipping_ meant.

She figured that a lot of people would have been creeped out by the idea of someone writing about them, but didn’t find herself feeling this way; instead, Erin felt a bit flattered, and read those stories every now and then, even though several of the ones she had stumbled upon made her blush so badly that she feared she might end up with a nosebleed.

Since she had read a particularly detailed one, she mostly tried to avoid the ones tagged with _smut_ or _PWP_ , but every now and then, when she felt lonely, she ended up choosing one of those quite deliberately, and used them for… inspiration.

It was a bit disconcerting, Erin thought to herself as she read an update to a story she liked, how often the authors had one of them get hurt, and then had the other comfort them; this, she had learned, was a whole genre all by itself, aptly named _hurt/comfort_ , and the people who liked Holtzbert seemed to have quite the thing for it.

Another trend Erin had noticed was said people’s penchant for making Holtzmann the most amazing kisser to ever have walked the Earth; more often than not, when their first kiss was described, Holtzmann quite literally swept her off her feet with it, and more and more often, Erin found herself wondering how it would be to kiss Holtzmann for real, if it’d be like it was described in the stories or perhaps even better. (The thought that it might be worse never crossed her mind, because she secretly agreed with the writers that certainly, Holtzmann was good at kissing, even if she hadn’t made that experience. Yet.)

She wondered if she’d ever have the courage to actually find out as she finished reading the new chapter – with yet another mind-blowing kiss described in it, which only made her long for the real thing more – then she shut down her laptop and told herself she should get some rest now; and as she laid in the darkness and looked up at the ceiling, she thought of Holtzmann and of kissing and of smut, wishing that she was braver and hoping that the things these people saw when Holtzmann looked at her were truly there.

* * *

 

“What the Hell is a Holtzbert?”

Erin flinched at that all too familiar word, looking up with wide, guilty eyes, but thankfully, Holtzmann wasn’t noticing, the engineer focused on the phone in her hand, eyebrows raised, a look of confusion on her face.

“Ahem”, Erin cleared her throat, not trusting herself to speak right away, feeling oddly caught even though she had nothing to do with how Holtzmann apparently just had discovered their fanbase, “a what?”

“Holtzbert”, Holtzmann repeated, thumb moving over the screen as she scrolled through the article, “I was looking at this video someone uploaded from our latest bust, and the comments are filled with comments about Holtzbert moments.”

“It’s us”, Erin blurted out before she could stop herself, making the engineer look at her, her confusion only growing, “um, you and me? Our names kinda combined? It’s our ship name. Our ship has fans.”

“We have a ship?” Holtzmann gave back, lowering her phone, clearly having no idea what Erin was talking about, “what, like a boat? Why did no one tell me that? Is it on the Hudson river?”

“No”, Erin replied with a small laugh, “not like that. It’s… it’s what people call when they… imagine two people together. Like Mulder and Scully? That was a ship. People ship us. You and me.”

“Oh”, Holtzmann let out, and Erin felt almost disappointed at this lack of reaction – until Holtzmann’s eyes widened behind her glasses as her brain caught up to what the physicist just had said, and she let out a drawn-out “Oooooh”, giving Erin a curious look afterwards.

“You know an awful lot about that”, she said, smirking a bit now, “you did some research on this then?”

“For science”, Erin solemnly replied, prompting the engineer to raise an eyebrow, “we have to know what the people out there write about us, you know.”

“Of course”, Holtzmann nodded, with a glint in her eyes now which Erin found quite hard to define, but she dared to hope that it was a hopeful and expectant one, “and what do they write about us? Please share, Dr Gilbert.”

“That the way we look at each other shows that we’re dating”, Erin told her, walking closer to her as she spoke, her eyes never leaving Holtzmann’s, “that we care for each other… a lot. That if one of us gets hurt, the other will do everything in her power to take care of her. And… that you’re an amazing kisser.”

“Oho”, Holtzmann let out, her gaze briefly dropping to Erin’s lips before her eyes came back up again to meet the redhead’s, “interesting.”

“You know”, Erin replied, feeling quite daring now, reaching up to run one hand along the lapel of Holtzmann’s lab coat, and taking note of how the blonde swallowed heavily in response, “as a good scientist, it’s my duty to see if there is any truth to this claim. If it’s okay, of course…?”

She faltered a bit at the last words, but felt much more confident again when at once, Holtzmann nodded; Erin took a moment to smile at her, then leaned in and kissed her, and Holtzmann kissed her back immediately.

And just as immediately, Erin learned that the claims were true – Holtzmann was indeed an amazing kisser, and when the kiss deepened, she actually could feel her knees turn to jelly.

_Just like it was described in the stories_ , she thought to herself, somewhat nonsensically; she felt regretful when she had to pull back from the kiss at last, breathing heavily, a lusty glint in her eyes as she spoke up again.

“They also claim that you rock my world in the bedroom”, she said, Holtzmann’s already goofy grin widening even further in response, “I do believe this hypothesis should be tested, too.”

The only response she got was that Holtzmann literally swept her off her feet, picking her up on her arms; Erin let out a little squeal, then a giggle of delight as she put both arms around the engineer’s neck and allowed Holtzmann to carry her off to the bedroom.

This, she still had time to think, was going to be so much better than in the stories.


	101. Unexpected

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Based on this tumblr prompt: Fluffy prompt where it's the morning after their first time: Holtz is nearly catatonic, and super exhausted because it turns out that while she was the big flirt, Erin was the *real* freak in bed. Holtz is so sore and happy that she won't even get out of bed, and just lies there, trembling in happiness and shedding happy tears while Erin dotes on her. Just pure fluff, in the wake of Erin being a major freak than either of them expected! ;D 
> 
> XD Some fluff to make Monday less Monday-ish.

Holtzmann hadn’t been quite sure what to expect when Erin had invited her to her bedroom after they had been dating for a few weeks; Erin had been blushing, and somewhat shy when she had asked the blonde if she wanted to join her for one more drink, and while Holtzmann had been quite eager to make love to the physicist at last, she had told herself that she wouldn’t try to push things, that she’d let Erin set the pace.

She hadn’t been quite sure what to expect, and would have been perfectly happy with some making out on the couch, fully aware that she was the first woman Erin was dating, and figuring that the redhead was nervous about this and about the intimacy such a relationship could include.

What she certainly hadn’t been expecting was for Erin to unleash what Holtzmann only could describe as her wild side.

It had started innocently enough, with some making out on the couch, and while Holtzmann had been quite turned on, she’d told herself to hold back, to not pounce Erin right then and there, not wanting to freak her out; but then, Erin had slid one hand beneath her shirt, had caressed her back before she had let her hand move to the engineer’s front, cheeks aflame when she’d pulled back from the kiss and had asked Holtzmann if she wanted to move this to the bedroom.

Despite how Erin had taken the initiative about this, Holtzmann still had been holding back, not wanting to appear pushy; they’d moved to the bed, as Erin had suggested, and had continued making out there… and then, Erin had decided that this had been going on so innocently long enough, and had taken control with a move which had been both bold and unexpected.

As Holtzmann laid in bed now, the morning after and hours later, she thought she’d never forget this moment, the way Erin had flipped her over onto her back, the way she had looked at her, with such passion and love and _need_.

They’d made love for hours after this move, and while Erin kept swearing that she’d never been with another woman before, Holtzmann quickly learned that she was both a natural and a _very_ enthusiastic learner.

“Good morning, Sweetheart”, Erin distracted her from those pleasant memories, propping herself up on one elbow next to the exhausted blonde so she could smile at her, “did you sleep well?”

“I’m not sure I slept at all”, Holtzmann gave back, Erin’s smile widening in response, “did we sleep? Honestly hot stuff, I don’t know. I’m in a haze. I think the awesome things you did to me lowered my IQ.”

“I don’t think that is possible”, Erin replied, unable to keep the pride out of her voice, “but I’m still absurdly happy to hear that. You enjoyed last night, then?”

“Do you really need to ask?” Holtzmann demanded to know, a shudder running through her body as she thought back to said night, “holy shit Erin, that was the best night of _my life_.”

“Really now”, Erin beamed, sounding and looking so proud now that Holtzmann couldn’t help herself, but just had to let out a snort, “well, I’m happy I didn’t disappoint. Please keep what you just said in mind when you realize that I can barely boil an egg when you make breakfast later.”

The mere thought of getting out of bed and actually moving around in Erin’s kitchen made Holtzmann wince, the noise earning her a concerned look from the physicist; and to her own amazement, Holtzmann could feel her cheeks heat up as she explained, her words only making Erin smile brighter.

“The mere thought of getting up is making my legs all trembly”, the engineer let her girlfriend know, “in fact, I’m pretty sure they are trembling even now as I’m lying flat on my back. And I’m… sore. I know I’m repeating myself, but holy shit, Erin.”

“Awww”, Erin cooed, clearly pleased by this, briefly pausing to lean down so she could press a gentle kiss to Holtzmann’s cheek, “you better stop talking like that, or my ego is gonna grow to unknown proportions, you know.”

“Don’t care”, Holtzmann mumbled, somehow sinking even deeper into the pillow, “just telling the truth. Yikes, it’s a good thing we have no plans for today cause I seriously doubt I could get up right now even if I wanted to.”

Erin just smiled widely in reply, kissing her again afterwards; then, she let Holtzmann know that she’d make coffee and would be back soon, looking quite smug when she told the engineer to just wait for her in bed.

“Will do, hot stuff”, Holtzmann reassured her, still not quite sure she’d actually be able to get up; smiling, Erin stole a third kiss, explaining that third time was the charm, then left the bedroom and headed towards the kitchen, Holtzmann raising her head just enough so she could look after her and appreciate the view, her head heavily dropping back onto the pillow once Erin was out of sight.

As she heard the physicist prepare coffee in the kitchen, Holtzmann looked up at the ceiling, unable to stop grinning; she hadn’t been sure what to expect when she had gone to Erin’s apartment with her the previous night, and would have been happy with whatever Erin would’ve been willing to give… but what she had gotten had been so much better than she ever could have imagined, and she couldn’t wait to return the favour.


	102. Dwell in Her Embrace

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Based on this tumblr prompt: if you're still taking requests for bite sized could you maybe do something with erin seeing holtz having a seizure bc of her autism and helping holtz afterwards 
> 
> And set in the same verse as chapters 98 (Broken Glass) and 90 (In Silence)

With a low groan, Erin let her head drop down onto her desk, and just remained like this for a little while; she loved being a Ghostbuster, she loved the work they did, but it was only Wednesday and this week had been so _exhausting_ already, and there was no end in sight.

Since Monday morning, they had been on a total of fourteen busts, and when they hadn’t been busy catching and destroying ghosts, they had worked at the firehouse; she could tell that the workload had a similar exhausting effect on the others, but while it was somewhat obvious for Abby and Patty, as well, it was impossible to miss when it came to Holtzmann.

During busts, the engineer as still as energetic and excited as always, but whenever they were back at the firehouse, the signs for her exhaustion showed clearly; she was much quieter than usual, as the week had progressed, the dancing as she’d worked had become less, and by Wednesday evening, it had stopped completely.

And not only the dancing had stopped, Erin noted as she forced herself to sit up straight again, the engineer was much quieter than usual, as well, only reacting with monosyllabic answers or just grunts when Erin asked her something, and barely looking at her during these brief reactions.

This behaviour worried Erin, but she kept her concerns to herself, not wanting to give her girlfriend the impression that she was babying her; and later, she’d regret this, wondering if things might have gone differently, had she said something in time, if she should have made Holtzmann get some rest and if some extra sleep could have prevented what had happened.

As it was though, she didn’t say anything, didn’t suggest that Holtzmann should take a break and get some rest; instead, she picked up her pen again and paused to briefly rub her eyes, then tried to focus on her work again, holding back a sigh as the numbers blurred in front of her tired eyes.

Despite how tired she was though, and despite how hard she tried to focus, Erin noticed at once when the noises of Holtzmann working on the proton packs stopped, and the physicist looked up at once, concern furrowing her brow when she saw the engineer just standing there, hands gripping the edge of her workbench so tightly that her knuckles protruded whitely from the skin.

“Holtz?” Erin said, immediately worried, coming to her feet, “what is it? Are you okay?”

Her worry only grew when Holtzmann didn’t react the slightest – and reached new, unknown heights when all at once, Holtzmann’s legs buckled and she went down, thankfully not hitting the desk, but still the _thud_ with which she hit the floor sounded loud and painful, and the fact that not the slightest sound came from her showed Erin that something was very wrong indeed.

When her eyes rolled back into her head and she started to convulse, Erin felt close to panic, and when Holtzmann started to let out choking noises, this only got worse.

Within the blink of an eye, Erin was by her side, her mind racing as she knelt down next to her; when Holtzmann had told her that she was on the spectrum, after her yellow glasses had been smashed during a bust, Erin had done some reading on the subject, just to have more than a bit of general knowledge, and she had read that seizures could happen, but it was something else entirely to actually _see_ it.

She tried to remember what she had read about what to do in case of a seizure happening; her first impulse was to grab Holtzmann, stop her body from convulsing, but she knew that this was the exact opposite of what she should do, and fought the urge, moving away from her side again instead to the push the workbench out of the way, grunting at the effort, but knowing it had to be done, just to make sure Holtzmann wouldn’t end up slamming her arm or leg against it as her body convulsed and end up hurting herself.

Once the workbench was safely out of reach, Erin knelt down next to the engineer again; her body was still twitching and jerking violently, and it still frightened the physicist to no end, but still her mind was rational enough to let her remember what to do next, and she grasped Holtzmann’s shoulder with one hand, then moved the other beneath her lower back and carefully moved her so she ended up on her side, the redhead hoping she was making it better instead of worse as she pulled her hands back.

To her relief, the seizure didn’t last much longer after she had moved Holtzmann onto her side; the twitching slowed down, then stopped, and the engineer stopped making the horrible choking noises, but just laid there once it appeared to be over, breathing heavily, a dazed, far-away look in her eyes now.

“Holtz”, Erin said, giving her best to sound kind and caring, not wanting to give Holtzmann the feeling that she was in any way upset about what she just had witnessed, even though it had frightened her deeply, “Holtzmann, sweetheart? Can you hear me?”

“Urgh”, Holtzmann let out, Erin telling herself that at least, it was some sort of reaction; she remembered what she had read about the aftermath of such seizures, that people would often be tired and confused afterwards, and figured that this was what was happening to Holtzmann now.

“Do you think you can get up?” Erin asked, rubbing her back soothingly now, glad when there was no negative reaction to her touch, “you’re on the floor of the lab Holtzy, you’re safe, but it’s just a few steps to the couch. Think you can get there with me?”

The grunt which came from the engineer in response was vaguely agreeing this time, and so, Erin helped her to her feet, as gently as she could; Holtzmann was leaning on her heavily even for the few steps it took them to get to the couch, and pretty much collapsed onto it once they were close enough for her to do so.

Eager to make her feel better, Erin got comfortable next to her, then pulled her into a gentle embrace; she held her close and rubbed her back, then moved her hand to caress her hair, and for a while, they just laid there like this, until the engineer’s breathing slowed down and Erin could feel her relax against her.

“…sorry”, Holtzmann finally broke the not uncomfortable silence which had formed between them, and Erin’s heart broke at the engineer feeling as if she had to apologize; and once again, as she had several times ever since Holtz had told her about being on the spectrum, Erin found herself wondering how often she had been rejected or treated harshly because of it.

“You have nothing to apologize for”, she reassured the blonde, still caressing her hair and pressing a tender kiss to her forehead before she continued, “I’m glad if I could help a bit. Are you feeling better?”

“Bit”, Holtzmann mumbled, still finding it hard to look her in the eye, but relaxing noticeably more, “just… tired. This sometimes happen if… I get too stressed.”

“Let’s get some rest”, Erin suggested, hand sliding down so she could rub soothing circles on the engineer’s back again, “and then, some food and more rest. No more work today, okay?”

On any other day, Holtzmann would have protested, would have claimed that she was well enough to work; with how exhausted she was though, all she could do was nod in reply, and Erin kissed her forehead again before he kept holding her close, rubbing her back and silently reassuring her she was there, that she was there no matter what, and from how Holtzmann kept relaxing even more in her arms, Erin could tell that Holtzmann knew, and as the fright the blonde had given her faded with the realization that Holtzmann would be okay setting in, Erin felt happy.


	103. Valuable Assets

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Based on this tumblr prompt: Holtz is a bit weary of hitting on Erin for once, so one day she decides to lay off on it entirely for a day. She comes to work wearing some hot sweatpants, and the sight of Holtz in tight sweats is what finally makes Erin crack and make her move.

Perhaps, Holtzmann thought to herself as she watched Erin giggle and joke with their latest client, keeping her face carefully neutral, she had been wrong when she had allowed herself to hope that Erin’s reactions to her flirting had changed; it had seemed during the past few weeks as if the physicist was beginning to feel more flattered than awkward about her flirty lines and one-liners laden with innuendo, but judging from how Erin was reacting to this man hitting on her, maybe she had deluded herself.

Not wanting to let her dismay show, Holtzmann focused on putting their gear away; she still took note of Abby shooting her a concerned glance from the corner of her eye, but studiously did not look the other woman’s way, fighting the urge to slam the trunk of Ecto-1 shut with much more force than necessary when she heard Erin laugh at something the guy had said again.

By the time the redhead finally shook hands with the guy and seemed ready to go, Holtzmann felt grumpy, even though she told herself that this was stupid – after all, she bitterly thought to herself, Erin and she weren’t dating, no matter how much she wanted it, Erin most likely wasn’t even aware of the crush Holtzmann had on her, probably thinking that she flirted with everyone, and so, she didn’t really have a good reason to feel as jealous as she did.

Still, even though she knew it was irrational, Holtzmann couldn’t help herself; and as she laid awake in her bed that night, unable to sleep with jealousy and dark thoughts circling in her mind, she decided to stop hitting on Erin, just for a while, to gain some distance and perhaps to stop making a fool of herself, unaware of the consequences this decision would soon have.

* * *

When Erin arrived at the firehouse in the next morning, Holtzmann was already there, preparing coffee for the team in the kitchen; usually, Holtzmann would greet her with a smile and a wink and make some sort of flirty remark as she’d offer her coffee, but to Erin’s slight concern, she simply said “good morning” this time, not even adding any kind of endearment.

Erin had a few seconds to worry about what this might mean, if she had done something wrong – then Holtzmann bent over to get the milk from the fridge, grumbling about Abby’s habit to put it on the lowest shelf there, and Erin’s mind went blank.

Holtzmann was wearing sweatpants which turned out to be tighter than Erin had realized at first glance, and now, as she bent over, the physicist got quite the good view of her buttocks.

She nearly choked on her coffee, and before she could stop herself, she said “holy shit”, clapping her hand over her mouth afterwards in shock while Holtzmann turned and raised an eyebrow at her.

“You okay?” she then asked, Erin nodding quickly, feeling her cheeks heat up; she hid her blush behind her coffee cup the best she could, and, to her relief, Holtzmann apparently accepted her non-verbal answer as enough, since she turned back to the fridge without another comment.

She bent down again, and while this time, Erin could hold back any exclamations, she found herself swallowing heavily, needing quite the bit of willpower to look away again as Patty entered the kitchen with a cheerful “Good morning!”, not wanting to be caught staring.

“Erin, honey”, the historian said once she had found a mug for herself and had poured herself some coffee, “you okay? You’re all flushed and sweaty, you’re not coming down with something, are you?”

“Fine”, Erin squeaked, glad that Abby wasn’t there yet, because she knew that her best friend just would have to take one look at her and know that she wasn’t getting sick, but feeling aroused; Patty gave her a curious look, didn’t ask anything else though, but simply finished preparing her coffee before she made her way to her desk.

Erin wasn’t quite sure if she should feel relieved or disappointed when Holtzmann straightened up again and finished readying her own coffee to her liking; she definitely did feel disappointed though when the blonde just said “see ya later” and headed off to her upstairs lab, without a term of endearment or the slightest hint of flirting in her voice.

She wondered if she had done something wrong then, if she somehow had upset or offended the eccentric engineer; because so far, ever since they had started working together, Holtzmann had flirted with her every single day, and had given her cute pet names, and now that it suddenly had stopped – just as Erin had started coming to terms with the fact that she was attracted to Holtzmann, too – she missed it more than she would have thought possible.

_It’s just half past eight in the morning_ , she then reminded herself as she made her way to her own desk, eager to get started on the day’s work, _maybe she’s just tired, don’t be paranoid. Don’t overthink this._

She forced herself to focus on her work, and for a while, did so with quite the success, mostly because Holtzmann was up in her lab; and when the engineer came back down to get a drink almost two hours later, Erin had almost forgotten about the sweatpants and the effect they had had on her.

“Boss Erin?” Kevin unwittingly saved her from looking again just as Holtzmann walked past her, “there’s a phone call for you!”

“Thank you Kevin”, Erin replied, getting up from her desk and making her way to his; and just as she took the receiver, Holtzmann bent over to get one of her energy drinks from the fridge, and Erin’s brain short-circuited, barely registering that a male voice was asking if he was speaking to Dr Erin Gilbert now.

“Yes”, she still managed to say, unable to look away, wondering how long it could take to get a damn can from the fridge, “this is Dr Erin Gilbutt. … Bert! Dr Erin Gilbert!”

Kevin just looked confused, Holtzmann was too far away to have heard her – but Abby had been within earshot, and the look she shot Erin could only be described as smugly amused, to the dismay of the physicist.

Giving her best to focus on the phone call, Erin glared at her friend, then stared down on Kevin’s desk to avoid the smug look on Abby’s face; she could tell it was still there though, and held back a groan as she realized that this would be a very long day at the firehouse.

* * *

By early afternoon, Erin was convinced that Holtzmann had taken note of her reaction and was doing it on purpose, because there was no reasonable explanation for why the engineer had to bend over _so often._

Each time she did so in Erin’s general vicinity, the physicist just had to look, could feel her heart speed up and her cheeks flush and her palms grow sweaty; at least though, she told herself, Holtzmann never noticed, even though Erin knew she was not very discreet, with her staring and flushing and sweating.

And, as it turned out, Holtzmann _had_ noticed, because when she bent down once more and Erin stared once more, the engineer suddenly glanced over her shoulder, her eyes met Erin’s, and she grinned as the physicist flushed deeply at getting caught like that, her blush impossibly deepening even further when Holtzmann actually wiggled her butt left and right.

“Want a piece of this, Gilbert?” she asked, forgetting her decision to not flirt for a day at the way Erin was looking at her; she snickered at how Erin swallowed visibly, then straightened up again and made sure to walk past Erin’s desk as she made her way back to the stairs.

She had expected Erin to keep looking, perhaps even to blush a bit deeper – even though that might become a health hazard sooner or later – or maybe even some sweating, like when the redhead had seen Kevin for the first time; what she definitely hadn’t expected was for Erin to reach out and actually pinch her butt as she walked past, and she froze on the spot, eyes widening behind her yellow-tinted glasses.

“Oh my God, I’m sorry”, Erin fretted, jerking her hand back as if she had been burned when she realized what she had done, “I don’t know what… Holtz I’m sorry!”

“Ah don’t sweat it”, Holtzmann regained her composure, winking at her, “I mean, I did ask you if you want a piece of it. Didn’t think you’d actually try to pull one out, though.”

“I did not pinch that hard”, Erin defended herself, glad that her blush seemed to fade as her face started to feel less hot, and suddenly, she felt quite daring and cocky, “but, well, hard enough to be able to tell that you have very nice assets.” 

“Erin Gilbert”, Holtzmann gave back with a surprised snort of laughter, “did you just refer to my butt as _assets_?”

“Very nice assets”, Erin confirmed solemnly; and thanks to Holtzmann’s positive reaction, she dared to reach out and give said assets a little pat, smiling at the way Holtzmann was looking at her afterwards.

“Why thank you”, the engineer said, a hint of mischief in her eyes and voice as she continued, “seeing how you reacted to my offering of a piece of this though, I better never tell you to kiss my butt, you might just do it.”

“I’d rather kiss your lips”, Erin shot back before her brain could catch up to her mouth and stop her; once again, she belatedly realized what she just had said and felt herself flush again, but to her relief, Holtzmann looked quite intrigued, and not put off by the thought at all.

“Well”, the engineer said, before Erin could get the idea to apologize, “you know, you can kiss those lips any time.”

Still feeling daring and a bit cocky, Erin rose from her seat in response; part of her was aware of Abby and Patty having caught on to their conversation and watching them curiously, but in this very moment, she couldn’t have cared less, as Holtzmann licked her lips while her gaze dropped down to Erin’s mouth, then came back up to meet Erin’s eyes, and the physicist could see the want and need, her heart skipping an excited beat as she realized that Holtzmann wanted this as much as she did.

And so, without a second of hesitation, Erin stepped around her desk, grabbed Holtzmann’s lab coat with both hands and pulled her closer, somehow even managing to ignore the cheering from both Abby and Patty when her lips met Holtzmann’s.

Holtzmann kissed her back at once, putting both arms around her waist; Erin melted into both the kiss and the embrace, forgetting all about the other people in the room as all she could focus on was Holtzmann’s taste, Holtzmann’s lips on hers, Holtzmann’s arms around her.

“…I should have done that way sooner”, she mumbled as they had pulled apart again, earning a happy grin from the engineer; she smiled back at her, then remembered something which had been bothering her all day, and frowned.

“But before we do this again”, she said, earning a questioning look from the younger woman, “tell me, why didn’t you flirt at all today? I already started to think I did something to offend you!”

“Um, well”, Holtzmann tried to stall, then grimaced a bit at the worried look Erin gave her, “you know… I thought you were into that guy from yesterday, you know, that client, so I figured I wouldn’t hit on you for a day, I know it was dumb to be jealous…”

“…it’s kinda sweet, actually”, Erin mumbled, blushing, “and just so you know, there was no reason to be jealous, I was trying to be friendly with him but that’s all. The only person I’m into, as you put it, just kissed me.”

“And will kiss you again now”, Holtzmann declared, and Erin just had a second to smile – before the engineer’s lips were on hers again, simultaneously deciding that the sweatpants were her favourite piece of Holtzmann’s wardrobe.

* * *

A while later, Holtzmann had gone back up to the lab, a bit worried that the project she had left up there would blow up if she didn’t stabilize it; and Erin was trying to get back to work, finding it quite hard to do so, her mind wandering back to kissing Holtzmann again and again.

The fact that, whenever she looked up from her work, she found Abby and Patty grinning at her, didn’t help much, either; she rolled her eyes at them each time it happened, but that didn’t deter them, and it made her wonder how much work they were actually getting done.

Finally, she did manage to focus, at least a bit, but just then, her phone vibrated on the table, giving her pause; she glanced at the display, raising an eyebrow when she saw that it was a text from Holtzmann, her curiousness getting the better of her as she grabbed her phone and swiped her thumb over the screen to display the message.

“You okay?” Abby asked when Erin let out a groan a second later and her head dropped to the table; the physicist just held her phone out to her in response, and Abby took it after exchanging a look with Patty, both of them peering at the screen, then bursting out laughing at what Holtzmann had said.

“Well, it does sum things up quite well, doesn’t it”, Abby then teased; Erin just groaned again, smiled though when she raised her head again and took her phone back, feeling oddly giddy at the message, despite the somewhat weird content, because Abby was right – it did sum things up quite well after all.

_Holtz:_ (_!_)


	104. Smackdown

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Based on this tumblr prompt: would it be possible for you to do a oneshot of holtzmann punching phil in the face?

Holtzmann had never been good at reading people – she was a genius with her machines and projects, but social cues and conventions often were a mystery to her – and she was perfectly aware of this fact, and had arranged herself with it during the past thirty-two years of her life.

One didn’t need to be good at reading people though to see pretty quickly that Dr Erin Gilbert had some troubles.

Perhaps, Holtzmann thought to herself, she noticed these things with Erin, these little hints and clues, because she was paying more attention to what the physicist was doing at any given time than she should, as a mere colleague and friend; she couldn’t quite help herself though, with how attracted she felt to Erin, and so, she noticed more than probably was appropriate.

There was the thing Erin did with her fingers, for example, the way they’d fidget and twitch at her sides whenever she was nervous; and the physicist seemed to be nervous a lot, no matter if they were about to bust a ghost or have a meeting with the mayor or were photographed after another bust had been finished successfully.

Then there was the way Erin seemed honestly baffled whenever someone complimented her, be it on her looks or her work, or found her interesting; her reaction always made Holtzmann’s heart clench up oddly, and so, she made a point of complimenting Erin as much as humanly possible, just so the physicist would get used to it and would stop looking so taken aback each time someone said something nice about or to her.

And, last but not least, there was the way Erin sometimes appeared taken aback when one of the Ghostbusters was physically affectionate with her, no matter if it was Abby, Patty or Holtzmann herself, or did something nice for her just because they could; and it didn’t matter, Holtzmann found out quickly, if it was something small, like bringing her a coffee without her having asked for one, or something bigger, like pushing her out of the danger zone during a bust and risking life and limb in the process.

It made Holtzmann wonder how lonely Erin had been exactly before the Ghostbusters had been founded, and just like with the compliments, she made a point of being the best friend she could be for the physicist, wanting her to be happy with their friendship even if she herself wanted to be so much more than just friends.

The last thing she wanted though was to ruin the friendship which had been formed between Erin and herself, and so, while she kept flirting with the physicist, and kept complimenting her, and did nice things for her, she tried hard to never do anything which might make Erin uncomfortable, just wanting to make her happy and to make her feel good about herself.

She’d rather have Erin Gilbert in her life as a friend than not at all, and if that meant that she was condemning herself to a life of pining and unrequited love, she’d find a way to deal with it.

And so, Holtzmann tried hard to make her feel good, to be a good friend; and those intentions were what made her put a calming hand on Erin’s back now as she could tell how nervous the physicist was, her fingers fidgeting at her side as the team exited the limousine the mayor had sent and made their way to the hall in which the event the city had invited them to would be held.

Erin briefly glanced at her at the tender touch, and gave her a small, but grateful smile; she had been nervous about this event all week, a gala the city held for scientists and business people who had contributed to society one way or another, the physicist finding herself worrying that someone there might accuse them of being frauds, despite the fact that the invite had come from the mayor’s office.

“It’s gonna be fine”, Holtzmann tried to reassure her, patting her back before pulling her hand back, “you’ll see, we’ll have a good time.”

“Hope you’re right”, Erin sighed, then smiled bravely as Holtzmann nodded enthusiastically; still she tensed up as they entered the venue, almost expecting someone to start yelling about how they were all fakes and frauds, but thankfully, nobody felt the need to do so, several people nodding or even waving at them as they walked past, looking for the table which had been reserved for the team.

To her relief, it remained that way, people coming up to them after the rather opulent dinner to speak about their work, and none of them acting as if they didn’t believe them; and so, Erin allowed herself to relax, something which was aided by Holtzmann’s unwavering presence by her side, figuring that perhaps, this evening could turn out nice after all.

A while after dinner had been finished, Holtzmann suggested checking out the bar, and Erin was more than willing to go with her, enjoying it to spend time with her; ever since she had stormed into the lab at Higgins, and Holtzmann had greeted her with a pick-up line, she had found herself getting more and more interested in the engineer, and at this point, she was working up the nerve to do something about the attraction she had admitted to herself, afraid of rejection despite Abby having reassured her that Holtzmann didn’t flirt with her just for fun.

“Oooh look”, the object of her musings and sleepless nights said, distracting her from those ponderings, “they got fancy cocktails! Whatcha feel like Er-Bear, Sex on the Beach or an Orgasm?”

“Mojito”, Erin squeaked, feeling her cheeks flush brightly at the blonde’s words, decidedly R-rated images flitting through her mind even though Holtzmann just had talking about cocktails which were actually on the menu; and from how the engineer winked at her before she turned to the barkeep to order, she had noticed at least some of what her words had caused, Erin taking in a few deep breaths as she fought to get herself under control again.

“Erin?” a familiar, but not very welcome voice came from behind her just when she had managed to regain her composure; she held back a groan, then turned to look at the man who had addressed her, not even bothering to try and sound friendly as she replied.

“Phil”, she stated, and to her dismay, he either didn’t notice her cold tone or didn’t care; he smiled at her, and she fought the urge to turn and look if Holtzmann was close to getting their drinks, suddenly wanting to be as far away from the man as possible, still remembering all too clearly how humiliated she had felt when she had been fired and he had acted as if he didn’t know her at all.

“How nice to meet you here”, he said, as if that unpleasant event never had happened, “it’s been a while since we’ve spoken. How are you doing?”

“Fine”, Erin replied curtly, forcing her hands to still as she felt her fingers twitch – he knew her, and knew about this nervous tic, and would be able to tell that he was getting under her skin, should he notice.

“I hear you’re still working with the Ghostbusters”, Phil said, making airquotes around the name of their team, to her dismay, “how’s that working out for you?”

“Good, thank you”, Erin told him, trying to keep her breathing slow and even, just knowing he would say something condescending any moment now – she hadn’t been aware of it when she still had been dating him, but having real friends in her life now had shown her how bad his treatment of her actually had been, and she couldn’t believe that she hadn’t seen it back then.

“Well, I guess you can use this work as stepping stone back to more serious studies”, Phil commented, and just then, Holtzmann moved to Erin’s side, and she immediately felt herself relax, the simple presence of the engineer making this easier, the urge to let her fingers twitch and fidget vanishing when the blonde spoke up next to her.

“Here’s your drink, hot stuff”, Holtzmann said, handing the cocktail to her before she eyed Phil, “hey, I know you, don’t I? Ooh I remember, you were the guy Erin shot down just before our first real bust!”

“Doctor Phil Hudson”, Phil said, sounding a bit annoyed, either at the interruption, Erin figured, or at the reminder that she just had left him standing there back then, “and you are?”

“Doctor Jillian Holtzmann”, Holtzmann let him know, immediately deciding she didn’t like him – Erin hadn’t told the team much about him, but what she had revealed hadn’t been exactly pleasant, and Holtzmann knew that he had just ignored her when she had been fired, behaviour she found inexcusable.

“Holtzmann or Holtz to my friends”, she added, unable to hold back a little barb, “but you can call me Doctor Holtzmann.

Quickly, Erin raised her glass to hide her smile, and had to hold back a snort when Phil looked decidedly put off by this, Holtzmann smiling innocently at him, all pleasure and friendliness.

“That was rude, by the way, Erin”, Phil apparently decided that he’d rather speak to the physicist than her friend, “just leaving me standing there like that. I felt like a fool.”

“Well, now you know how I felt when you just ignored me at Columbia”, Erin told him, finding his gall hard to believe, “that wasn’t pleasant for me, either, Phil.”

“Perhaps we shouldn’t talk about this here”, the man replied, with a hard look at Holtzmann, who still was smiling, even though there was _something_ in her eyes now Erin hadn’t quite seen there before, “why don’t we meet up some time next week? For lunch or dinner, maybe?”

“No thanks”, Erin gave back at once, without a second of hesitation, “I’m sorry Phil, but I have no interest in spending time with you again. We’re done. With how you’ve treated me, I think we even were done before you ignored me when I got fired and tried to get your support.”

“With how I’ve treated you?” Phil echoed, raising an eyebrow, not noticing how Holtzmann’s smile slowly faded, “Erin, I don’t know what ideas these people you work with put into your head about me, but I’ve been nothing but good to you.”

“You’ve been condescending, criticized everything I did, and never supported me”, Erin shot back, unlike Phil taking note of how Holtzmann was looking at the man now, her smile gone fully, “and God forbid I said or did something you found embarrassing, I’m sure you remember how often you’d refuse to speak to me or even acknowledge me after such incidents. And, just for your information, nobody I’ve worked with put any ideas about you into my head, you’re not important enough to be discussed with my friends. I’ve just finally found people who treat me right.”

“Well, then”, Phil said stiffly, the condescending tone Erin had heard so often during their relationship showing up again, “I was going to offer you some help with getting back to a more respected position, but I guess you just blew that chance. Best of luck for when all of this blows up in your face and you end up begging on the street corner to make a living with these other freaks you work with, but hey, I’ll be sure to drop a dime into your hat when I see you then.”

Within the blink of an eye, a number of possible reactions flashed through Erin’s mind, ranging from punching him to yelling at him to just turning and walking off; and unlike when she had punched the blogger for calling her a freak, she would have been willing to just walk away, leave him standing there again and ignore him.

Holtzmann had other ideas this time though, and all Erin could do was gasp as the engineer took a swift step forward and, in one fluid motion, pulled her fist back, then nailed him straight in the face, hard enough to make him stumble back before he ended up tripping over his own feet and went down.

Erin gasped, her hand coming up to cover her mouth, while Holtzmann grimaced and shook out her fist; the people around them fell silent and just stared, and after a moment, the engineer seemed to realize what she had done, her face paling – before she turned and walked off without another word, Erin staring after her in stunned silence while Phil just groaned on the floor, the physicist’s mind reeling as she tried to figure out what just had happened and what to do now.

* * *

Erin found Holtzmann a short while later, the engineer sitting on the steps outside leading up to one of the venue’s back doors, looking glum and upset as she stared at her fist, the knuckles already swelling up, bruises forming where they had connected with Phil’s jaw.

“Hey”, Erin said, sitting down next to her and making her glance at her, “I brought some ice for your hand.”

She held up the dishtowel she had used to wrap up some ice cubes for emphasis, glad that the bartender had provided both ice and towel without any discussion; then, she said “may I?”, and once Holtzmann had nodded, took tender told of her hand, carefully wrapping the towel around it, but still the engineer hissed in pain, prompting Erin to give her an apologetic look.

“I’m sorry”, Holtzmann sighed before the redhead could say those exact words, “I don’t know why I did that. He was being such an ass to you, and I just… I lost control. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be”, Erin told her, earning a look of mild surprise, “I almost punched him myself, you know, but you were faster. And… he sort of deserved it, for what he said. What a condescending jerk, I can’t believe I dated him.”

At this, Holtzmann smiled weakly, Erin feeling glad at having gotten this reaction; she smiled back at her, then reached out and touched the other woman’s shoulder, wondering if Holtzmann felt the same jolt at the contact which had run up her arm.

“I should thank you, you know”, the physicist said, giving her best to sound light-hearted even though she was about to say something which might change everything, for better or for worse, “I mean, we… we’re not even dating and you treat me better than he ever did. And you stood up for me just now, which he never did, either. So… thank you.”

“Well, um, you know”, Holtzmann stammered, clearly not having expected that, “I, um… you mean a lot to me so I…”

Perhaps it was the adrenaline, or the gratitude she felt, Erin would never be quite sure what had been the reason – but whatever it was, it made her forget all impulse control, and so, she leaned in and silenced the engineer by kissing her, doing so before she could allow herself to think about what the consequences might be.

Holtzmann froze, for a second, and just sat there; and just when Erin started to get worried and frightened, started to think that she had misread all the flirting and kindness after all, Holtzmann kissed her back, and it made her heart sing.

“Let’s get out of here”, Erin brought out in a slightly breathless voice once they had pulled apart again, cheeks flushed and eyes sparkling, “before the mayor or Jennifer Lynch find us and yell at us for what happened. Also, so we can do some more kissing.”

Grinning from ear to ear, Holtzmann nodded and came to her feet, prompting Erin to do her same; giggling, Erin grasped her uninjured hand, and they hurried off together to catch a cab, eager to find out what the rest of the night would bring – and the days which would follow, now that they would have a future together.


	105. Malfunction

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Based on this tumblr prompt: “Don’t touch me!” -lmao ik this is pretty vague, but I'm pretty sure you'll come up with something v angsty!"  
> xD It was kinda vague indeed, but I hope it'll be enjoyable. Sort of. Ahem.   
> This one-shot is connected to the previous ones in the little autistic!Holtz verse I got going on here, 89, 90 and 102.

_Pffft._

It’s such a small, innocent sound, nonsensical almost, Holtzmann thinks to herself as she watches, eyes wide behind her glasses – the glasses Erin got for her after hers had gotten smashed a bust, she remembers, she thinks of the moment she’s been given this gift every day, every time she puts them on – such a harmless noise, if she had been a few steps farther away, she wouldn’t even have heard it.

It’s a noise she’ll hear in her nightmares from now on.

It’s the noise Erin’s proton shotgun makes as it malfunctions, just spitting a few harmless sparks, and the physicist’s eyes go wide, too, and Holtzmann hears herself cry out her name as the ghost rushes her, the few sparks from the shotgun do nothing to spot it, and then the ghost has her around the throat and lifts her up and slams her against the wall and starts choking her.

The noises Erin lets out as she just can’t get air into her lungs join the repertoire for future nightmares, and Holtzmann is frozen, unable to move a muscle, just standing there and staring while the ghost keeps choking Erin and her face starts to redden.

It’s Patty who saves her, who rushes in with the Ghost Chipper, all thoughts of trapping the ghost forgotten; the weapon sucks the apparition in, working just like it should, and Erin slumps down to the floor, ending up on her knees, clutching her throat and coughing as she struggles to get air into her lungs.

“Erin”, Abby calls out as she rushes to her best friend’s side, the ghost forgotten, reduced to globs of foul-smelling ectoplasm on the floor, “oh my God, are you okay?!”

“Fine”, Erin croaks, coughs again afterwards, and each cough is like an accusation, _failure, failure, failure,_ Holtzmann hears, “and hey, I didn’t even get slimed. Yay.”

Abby smiles, and Patty does too, and even Erin herself manages a slight smile while Abby helps her to her feet; Holtzmann doesn’t smile though, doesn’t even look at Erin as she holsters the proton wand, and when she turns and walks to the exit without another word, Erin feels her heart clench up, realizing that the fallout of this incident will be bigger than she’s first anticipated.

* * *

Holtzmann’s safe place is her lab, has been ever since they’ve moved into the firehouse; and so, Erin isn’t surprised to find her there hours later, bent over the proton shotgun, her steel-framed glasses put aside in favour of the large safety goggles, but the blowtorch in her hand produces no flame, and it seems that the engineer is just staring at the weapon instead of doing actual work.

“Holtz?” she speaks up as she steps closer, making sure to just sound kind and caring; she knows Holtzmann blames herself for what happened, even before the engineer turns and their eyes meet and she sees the guilt and shame in the other woman’s eyes.

Then, Holtzmann’s gaze drops to her throat, where by now, bruises have formed, showing all too clearly where the ghost has grabbed her, and Erin can see the blonde shudder – before she turns away from her and stares at the weapon again, so tense now that the physicist is surprised she doesn’t actually vibrate on her seat.

“Please don’t do this to yourself”, Erin half says, half pleads, taking another step closer and, without thinking, reaching out to place one hand on Holtzmann’s back; immediately, she can feel Holtzmann tense even further, it’s as if her hand is resting on solid stone, but before she can pull back, the engineer speaks up, and the tremble in her voice makes Erin’s heart clench up.

“Don’t touch me”, the blonde says, and even though Erin knows this isn’t meant with malice or said to hurt her, it still does hurt, “not… not right now. Please.”

Erin pulls her hand back, feeling awkward as she doesn’t know what to do with it now; her fingers start to fidget, a clear sign that she’s nervous, she doesn’t know what to do with her hands or what to say, and her inability to make this better only makes her feel more nervous.

It’s a vicious circle, and she doesn’t know how to handle it, she knows Holtzmann isn’t good with emotion, but she’s not the best at handling such things, either, and not even when the ghost had her pinned against the wall she’s felt so helpless.

“I, um, I’ll go back downstairs, okay”, she says, and tries to ignore the feeling that this is the exact opposite of what she should be doing, “join us when you feel ready? It’s not your fault Holtzmann, please don’t blame yourself.”

She waits for a few heartbeats, but when Holtzmann doesn’t react, doesn’t even look at her, she turns and starts walking towards the stairs; before she reaches them though, Holtzmann speaks up, and the tears and guilt Erin can hear in her voice nearly make her cry, too.

“I’m sorry”, the engineer says, voice trembling, then cracking as she continues, “I didn’t… Erin I didn’t know that would happen I swear I had no idea or I never would have let you use it I’m so sorry…”

Erin practically rushes back to her side, eager to hug her, hold her, make it better; in the last second, she remembers that Holtzmann hasn’t wanted her touch a minute ago, and fights the urge as she stops next to her, not wanting to make this worse.

“You have nothing to apologize for”, she tells the engineer, mind and heart racing as she tries to find the right words, her heart aching to make this better, “it’s not your fault, Holtz, I know you never would have let me use it if you hadn’t been sure it works. It’s not your fault and no one blames you.”

“You got hurt”, Holtzmann almost whimpers in response, and Erin has never heard her sound like this, so guilty and ashamed, and it breaks her heart, “you got hurt and you could’ve gotten hurt worse or even killed and it’s because the weapon I made for you didn’t work… This I what _I do_ Erin, if I can’t do this right, this one thing I know how to do…”

“That’s not true”, Erin says at once, fingers fidgeting again as she still wants to touch Holtzmann, rub her back maybe or pull her into an embrace, “that’s not the only thing you know how to do. The team wouldn’t work without you Holtz, and not just because you make our gear. You’re such an important part of this team, you keep us all grounded during busts and… you’ve helped me so much to be myself, to care less about what others think of me, to just enjoy life. Please don’t let this one mishap define you, because you’re so much more than that.”

At these words, Holtzmann finally looks up at Erin again, a few tears slowly rolling down her cheeks; Erin has learned from her previous mistake, and asks her if it’s okay to touch her now, smiling reassuringly when the engineer gives a brief, somewhat tense nod.

Slowly, Erin embraces her, and after a moment, Holtzmann slumps into her embrace, a shudder running through her body; she clings to the physicist and whispers “I’m sorry” again, and Erin rubs her back soothingly, glad that at least, Holtzmann allows her to comfort her now, allows herself to be comforted.

“You have nothing to be sorry for”, the physicist tells her again, then presses a tender kiss to the top of her head, mumbling into her hair afterwards, “it’s okay, nobody blames you, I promise.”

Holtzmann keeps clinging to her in response, and Erin keeps holding her close and rubbing her back, and she keeps doing so until the engineer has stopped trembling in her arms, telling her over and over again that she’s okay, that everything is okay.

And after a while, Holtzmann allows herself to believe her.


	106. Professor Proton

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Based on this tumblr prompt: I'd like to read one where Holtzmann sleeps with an old teddy bear and Erin finds out about it. Holtz is scared Erin will tease her, but she doesn't :)

“We’re going home!” Abby yelled up the stairs, not bothering to actually go up to the lab, “you guys behave up there! See you tomorrow!”

Erin just pulled back from kissing Holtzmann long enough to call back that they would; then, she captured Holtzmann’s lips with her own again, barely registering the sound of the door downstairs falling close behind Abby and Patty.

It was somewhat stunning, she pondered as she almost absent-mindedly caressed Holtzmann’s back, how much she enjoyed making out with the blonde like that, leaned against the wall, soft music playing in the background, their work having been forgotten for the past twenty minutes.

She’d never been able to quite figure out why people were so keen on making out during her previous relationships, the few which had been there, but she got it now.

She wondered if this would ever change – the relationship between Holtzmann and her was somewhat new after all still, only having been going on for two and a half weeks, and she worried that, once the newness was fading, so might the passion, but for the moment, it didn’t seem like it, the physicist finding herself unable to hold back a moan when their tongues met yet again.

They kept on kissing for a while longer, enjoying being so close to one another; then, Erin pulled back and took in a slow, controlled breath, a passionate sparkle in her eyes though when she spoke up.

“What do you say”, she said, smiling at the engineer, “shall we get out of here, too? Maybe grab dinner somewhere?”

“Sounds like a plan”, Holtzmann agreed, earning another smile – before Erin went wide-eyed as she remembered a not unimportant detail, the “oh shoot!” she let out earning her a questioning look from her girlfriend.

“We can’t go to my place”, the physicist explained, annoyed at herself for having forgotten about this until this very moment, “there’ll be no running water, they had to shut it down for today, repairs in the house.”

“Ah”, Holtzmann let out, not all too perturbed – Erin had the bigger apartment, and in a nicer area of the city, so they had been at her place every time so far, but she didn’t mind the thought of taking the redhead home with her.

“We can go to my place”, she thus suggested, Erin giving her a look of relief, “it’ll be a little cramped, as you know, but it’ll be okay for one night? And I’d rather have one cramped night with you than no Erin at all.”

“Aw”, Erin let out, smiling, “that’s so sweet. And I agree, also… less space means more reason to snuggle.”

“As if we’d need a reason to snuggle”, Holtzmann pointed out with a little snicker, making Erin giggle and nod; they kissed once more, then finally and reluctantly pulled apart to pack up and head out, the physicist already looking forward to private time with Holtzmann at the engineer’s home, already longing to feel the blonde’s lips on hers again.

* * *

Quite a while later, they were at Holtzmann’s apartment – small, but surprisingly tidy, considering the penchant for chaos Holtzmann had – and to Erin’s surprise and slight concern, the engineer appeared more and more nervous with each minute they got closer to going to bed.

“Holtz, what is it?” she finally dared to ask, when it seemed as if Holtzmann was going to start vibrating any moment due to all the nervous energy, “you seem… upset? Did I do something wrong?”

“No”, Holtzmann quickly reassured her, her hand coming up to play with her pendant, a clear sign that she was nervous and uncomfortable, “it’s just…”

She trailed off, looking uncharacteristically awkward and insecure; this only made Erin’s concern grow, but she wanted to help, if she could, and so she reached out and grasped the engineer’s free hand, giving her best to sound kind and encouraging when she told Holtzmann that she could tell her, no matter what.

“You’re gonna laugh at me”, Holtzmann mumbled, sounding a bit stilted, just another sign that she was uncomfortable; worried, Erin promised that she wouldn’t, and after a moment of looking at her, the engineer suddenly came to her feet, barely able to look Erin in the eye when she let her know that she had to show her something.

Worried, but curious now too, Erin nodded and followed Holtzmann to the blonde’s small bedroom; once there, which hadn’t taken long thanks to the limited apartment space, the engineer took in a deep breath, then bent over and picked something up from the bed, and when she turned to show said object to Erin, the physicist felt her heart melt.

Holtzmann was holding a clearly old teddy bear, the toy missing one eye and one ear, and the fur showing that she’d held it many, many times; she was staring down at the floor, and missed the slight smile on Erin’s face, the physicist oddly touched by seeing her girlfriend with the toy.

“This is Professor Proton”, the engineer said, voice soft now, and her tone still a bit stilted and monotone, “I got her when I was six.”

From how she tensed, Erin could tell that Holtzmann was bracing herself for being laughed at, for Erin making fun of her for this; her heart clenched up at the thought of someone doing this to the engineer, her eyes and smile kind as she took a step closer to the blonde and placed a gentle hand on her shoulder.

“I think that’s very sweet”, she told the engineer, earning a look which was both surprised and relieved, “and I’d never laugh at you for something like this. Professor Proton, it’s an honour to meet you.”

Holtzmann recovered quickly from her discomfort, beaming at Erin – before she moved her hand a bit to make it look as if the bear was nodding, the physicist letting out a small laugh at what her girlfriend said next.

“She likes you, too”, the engineer said solemnly, “and she’s looking forward to cuddling both of us when we go to sleep.”

“Cuddles are important”, Erin agreed, just as solemn as the blonde; Holtzmann nodded – before she stepped closer and wrapped the physicist up in an unexpected, but welcome embrace, her voice muffled by how she hid her face in the other woman’s shoulder when she spoke up again.

“Thank you”, she said, Erin’s heart tightening again, “for not making fun of me. This teddy means a lot to me and you mean a lot to me and… just… thanks.”

“Nothing to thank me for”, Erin reassured her, rubbing her back, “you mean a lot to me, too, Holtz, and I’m glad you shared this with me.”

Holtzmann raised her head then to smile brightly at her, her relief clearly showing through her eyes; Erin smiled back at her, then kissed her gently, and all the engineer’s worries were forgotten as the physicist held her close, allowing her to enjoy the rest of their evening together relaxed and happy, just the way it should be.


	107. Saturday Morning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Based on this tumblr prompt: ould you write one along the lines of this prompt: Person B of your OTP not letting Person A get out of bed by aggressively cuddling them. Doesn't matter who's who it'd be cute either way!!
> 
> Pretty much pointless fluff. :D

It hadn’t taken a long time of being together for Holtzmann to find out that Erin’s daily routine was as orderly and organized as her desk at work. 

She got up each day at seven on the dot, unlike Holtzmann, who needed a few hits of the snooze button before she could leave the comfy warmth of bed; each day, she had coffee and a bagel for breakfast after a shower which never lasted longer than fifteen minutes, and each day, she stopped at the same coffee shop on her way to work for her second coffee of the day, ordering the same thing every time.

It was almost surprising, Holtzmann thought to herself, that Erin didn’t have an equally strict plan for lunch and dinner, but with these meals, she was somewhat lax – for her standards – usually letting the others decide where they would order and then pick something from said place.

When it came to snacks though, Holtzmann quickly had learned, Erin was strict with herself again, sticking to oranges and nuts and similarly healthy things; to the engineer’s shock, she was adamant about her dislike of Pringles, claiming she didn’t like their taste, but at least, sometimes, Holtzmann could talk her into eating cookies or chocolate with her.

Holtzmann had quickly realized that this was easier to accomplish after a bust, especially after a long one; and she made use of these opportunities, figuring that her girlfriend could use some sugar in her system after hours of ghostbusting.

And during a week like the one they just had gone through, it was easiest, she had learned; there had been at least two busts each day, meetings with the mayor and all the administrative tasks necessary to keep the business running, and by Friday evening, all four women were exhausted.

“I just want to sleep for a week”, Erin groaned, accepting the chocolate chip cookie Holtzmann offered without a second thought and nibbling it before she continued, “I’m so tired. I love this job, but please, no busts during the weekend.”

She took a big bite of the cookie, as if for emphasis, while Holtzmann nodded her agreement – she loved the job as much as Erin did, and loved working on new gadgets for the team and improving the ones they already had, but after this tiring week, all she wanted was to sleep.

She knew that she’d feel different in the next morning – by now, she had one or two of her projects at Erin’s home, some of the less dangerous ones, just so she could work on them during the weekend or in the evening – but in this very moment, if someone had put down a bed next to her, she would have collapsed onto it without a second thought.

“Let’s go home”, Erin suggested, yawning heartily before she could go on, “we can order dinner, I’m even too tired to pick something up on the way.”

Holtzmann nodded her agreement, and after wishing Abby and Patty a nice weekend, the couple headed out, eager to get home and to have some time to relax, figuring that they deserved this after all the hard work they had done that week.

* * *

In the next morning, Holtzmann was, to her surprise, the first one to wake up; and her surprise only grew when she peered at Erin’s alarm clock and saw that it was half past eight, the physicist usually waking up at seven even on the weekends.

Not that she minded much though, as it meant more snuggle time; and so, she carefully moved closer to the still soundly slumbering Erin, inhaling her scent and just dosing for a bit, enjoying the warmth and closeness of her girlfriend.

“Hmmm”, Erin tore her out of her light dose after a while, the content hum she let out making the engineer smile sleepily, “good morning.”

“Good morning, hot stuff”, Holtzmann gave back, craning her neck so she could gently kiss the other woman’s cheek, “slept well?”

“Oh yes”, Erin sighed, pulling the blonde closer, “I slept like a rock. I don’t think I moved at all during the night."

“Aw”, Holtzmann let out, earning a smile from the other woman; she smirked back at her, then figured that Erin would want to get up now, and started to move away, only to be surprised by the redhead pulling her back into the embrace immediately, clearly not willing to let her go yet.

“Noo”, she said, a bit whiny, to the blonde’s amusement, “no getting up. Not yet.”

“But Erin”, Holtzmann took the chance given for teasing, relaxing into her embrace again though, “it’s almost nine. Way past your usual rise-and-shine time.”

“Don’t care”, Erin mumbled, tightening her hold around Holtzmann as if to make sure the blonde couldn’t get out of her hug, “no getting up. Comfy.”

“Comfy indeed”, Holtzmann had to agree, smiling a bit at the agreeing hum Erin let out, “and hey, I’m not the one who insists on getting up at seven every day.”

“Not today”, the physicist told her, pulling her even closer, “I just want to cuddle a bit more. Please?”

“You know I’ll never say no to morning cuddles”, Holtzmann reminded her of her liking for close physical contact, “or, thinking about it, to cuddles on any other time of the day. Well, maybe except for when I’m on the toilet. Cuddling would be weird then. And uncomfy. And potentially smelly.”

“Dork”, Erin mumbled, smiling a bit though; Holtzmann just shrugged and smirked, then kissed her cheek again before she rested her head on Erin’s shoulder, a content sigh coming from her as Erin kept holding her close, feeling simply good and happy, glad that they could start their weekend together like this.


	108. Over the Hump

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Based on this tumblr prompt: How do you feel about pre relationship Holtzbert makeout dry humping to orgasm with all their clothes on? They're not dating - it just happens. Pretty please?

Perhaps, it’s the adrenaline still lingering from the bust, a bust which has been harder and taken longer than expected; perhaps, it’s also the undeniable sexual tension which has lingered between them ever since the words “come here often?” have been said in the cramped lab at Higgins.

Or perhaps, it’s a combination of these things; Erin doesn’t really know, and can’t say that she cares, because her mind is occupied with other things for the moment.

With how it feels to have Holtzmann’s lips on hers, and the engineer’s tongue in her mouth, and her hands on her waist, while her own are entangled in the younger woman’s hair as they make out up in her lab.

She’s only gone up there because she’s felt the need for company after Abby and Patty had gone home, Erin remembers; and it has started so harmlessly, with a simple question about Holtzmann’s current project.

Somehow, this question has led to this, but Erin can’t say that she minds.

A small moan escapes her as Holtzmann pulls her closer, her whole body tingling with arousal – it has been way too long since she’s gotten any sort of release, not even when she’s been dating Phil, it has happened as often as she would have liked, and so, it’s no surprise that she reacts like this to Holtzmann’s touch.

And Holtzmann clearly senses this, judging from the way she trails her fingers along Erin’s spine, making her shiver; this reaction is impossible to miss, and the engineer takes it one step further, sliding her hand beneath Erin’s shirt so she can touch her skin to skin, pulling back from the kiss as she does so, voice hoarse when she speaks up.

“This okay?” she mumbles, and Erin nods immediately, then pulls her closer again for another kiss; Holtzmann runs her fingertips up and down Erin’s back, making her shiver again and again – and then, just in the right moment, Holtzmann brings up her leg and pressed her thigh between Erin’s, and before she can realize what she is doing, Erin responds by thrusting her hips forward, sending a bolt into her very core.

On any other day, with anyone else, Erin would have stopped at this point, would have felt embarrassed and awkward; in this very moment though, with Holtzmann’s mouth on hers, she doesn’t care, not the slightest, she just wants more, _needs_ more.

And so, she thrusts her hips forward, _hard_ , and her pants and Holtz’ thigh between hers provides the friction she suddenly just needs, and so, she does it again and again, not caring how strange this might be, the way she’s practically dry-humping the engineer’s leg.

It’s quite obvious that Holtzmann doesn’t mind, either, judging from how she moans into Erin’s mouth and pushes her leg up even further, providing more pressure, and suddenly, Erin feels a different kind of pressure build within her.

This surprises her quite a bit, but probably also shows how badly she needs this kind of release, and suddenly, she’s too eager to think about what the consequences of this might be, all she wants is to feel the pressure grow bigger and bigger, until it will implode within her and send her over the edge.

And so, she clenches her thighs around Holtzmann’s, and _moves_ , and the friction happens _just right_ , her moan is muffled by Holtzmann’s mouth for a second or two, then Holtzmann pulls back, realizing what is happening and looking at her, watching her, and shudders when Erin moans and twitches against her.

Holtzmann jerks her leg up, and Erin goes over the edge.

It takes a while until she can speak again, her heart racing, her cheeks flushed, and her breath coming in heavy gasps; Holtzmann looks smug, but Erin can’t really blame her, they didn’t even undress, for God’s sake, and still…

“That”, Holtzmann says, breaking the not uncomfortable silence between them, “was the hottest thing I have ever seen.”

“It was the hottest thing I have ever experienced”, Erin tells her, blushing a bit now, but not finding it within herself to worry and fret over what this might mean for their friendship, if things are gonna be awkward from now on, and clearly, Holtzmann doesn’t have such worries, either, just smirking at her as she straightens her clothes.

“Let’s do that again sometime”, she then suggests, a hint of mischief in her eyes now, “perhaps sans clothing?”

Erin isn’t even surprised when she finds herself nodding in response.


	109. Gifts and Gadgets

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Based on this tumblr prompt: Could you write Erin with social anxiety?

Ever since they had been called to the mayor’s office for the very first time, Erin had disliked the room, the stifling atmosphere, and as time went by and the Ghostbusters continued their work, this dislike only grew.

Already the trip to the office for their weekly meetings was bad, and her small hope that she’d get used to those meetings was shattered pretty quickly; already during the drive, she felt anxious and nervous, unable to stop fidgeting in her seat, her blood rushing in her ears and her heart hammering in her chest, her anxiety only growing the closer they got to the office.

The others could tell, of course, knowing her well enough to be aware of when her anxieties were spiking; and they tried to help, Holtzmann the most of all, not liking it to see her girlfriend so upset, but to their dismay, it seemed as if there wasn’t much they could do, only managing to make her feel marginally better, but never able to calm her down completely.

Holtzmann had figured out though that at least, physical contact helped a little bit, and so, whenever they had to drive to the mayor’s office, the engineer gave up the driver’s seat to Abby so she could sit in the back with Erin, and either held her hand or had one hand on her thigh, silently reassuring her that she was there.

As they drove this time, Holtzmann was holding Erin’s hand, and could feel how badly the physicist’s palm was sweating; apparently, Erin herself was aware of this as well, since she briefly glanced at the engineer after a while, then mumbled “sorry about that”, earning a confused look from her girlfriend.

“It’s kinda gross, I know”, Erin added, looking so miserable that it made Holtzmann’s heart clench up; eager to reassure her that nothing about her was gross, the engineer tenderly squeezed her hand, smiling at the physicist when she looked at her.

“It’s not”, Holtzmann let her know, earning a doubtful look; in response, she squeezed the redhead’s hand again, glad when Erin managed a weak smile this time, then the car stopped close to their destination as Abby had found a parking spot, and the smile vanished, the physicist starting to breathe heavier again as the dreaded meeting was so close now.

“It’s gonna be okay”, Holtzmann tried to reassure her, even though she knew these phrases didn’t help much, but not having an idea what to say to make it better; Erin just swallowed heavily in reply, then had to let go of her hand to get out of the car, her fingers fidgeting the moment she wasn’t holding on to the younger woman anymore, and as Holtzmann took note of this, a vague idea started to form in her mind, something she pondered during most of the meeting and on the way back, her mind racing as she tried to figure out if this vague idea might be something which could be helpful for her girlfriend.

* * *

“Hey Erin”, Holtzmann said a week later, on the morning of another meeting day, days during which Erin already felt anxious hours before they had to head out, “I got a little something for you.”

“Oh?” Erin let out, grateful for the brief distraction from her anxiety this provided; smiling a hopefully calming smile at her, Holtzmann sat down next to her, then dug into her pocket and pulled out the small bag, earning a curious look from the physicist as she held it out to her.

Accepting it, Erin gave her another questioning look, then opened the bag and peered inside; her curiosity only grew when a silver glint caught her eye, and she carefully pulled the object out, touched when she realized what it was.

“I made it for you”, Holtzmann told her, smiling as Erin examined the bracelet, looking surprised when she realized that it was made of two separate pieces, and that the one on top could be moved back and forth, soundlessly and with ease sliding over the part beneath.

“I thought it might help”, the engineer went on as Erin looked up at her again, “when you feel nervous? Kinda like my necklace, you know, but I know one like mine wouldn’t really be your style, so I made you this.”

“That’s so sweet”, Erin brought out, feeling her throat tighten up at the thoughtfulness of the gesture, “you made this just for me?”

“Yeah”, Holtzmann gave back, a bit bashful at how awed Erin was looking at the gift, “I just thought it might help, you know. If it’s not comfy or you just don’t like it, that’s okay, too.”

“Thank you so much”, Erin said, after having swallowed heavily a few times and once she could be sure she wouldn’t burst into tears the moment she’d open her mouth, “that’s so sweet. Wait, I’ve said that already, haven’t I? But it is, it’s so sweet and thoughtful.”

Realizing that she was rambling, Erin forced herself to fall silent, clearing her throat as she put the bracelet around her wrist; and then, she threw both arms around Holtzmann in a tight embrace and kissed her soundly, the engineer beaming at her when they pulled apart again.

“Nothing to thank me for, hot stuff”, she then told her, glad that her gift was so well received, “I’m happy you like it.”

“I love it”, Erin reassured her, then kissed her again; and when they headed out to the meeting in the afternoon of the same day, she felt nervous again, but as they walked to the car, her hand moved to the bracelet on her other wrist and she turned the top part left and right, amazed to see that it did help.

She knew that this wasn’t some sort of magical cure which would take all her anxieties away whenever she’d touch it, but it did help, gave her hands something to do and her mind something else to focus on than her fears and worries; and it reminded her of the fact that she had a girlfriend and friends who’d support her the best they could, and for the first time since the Ghostbusters had been founded, she wasn’t trembling when she walked into the mayor’s office, telling herself that, as long as her loved one and her best friends were with her, she could do this – she could do anything.


	110. After the Fall (Part I)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Based on this tumblr prompt: Could you write a chapter where Erin is the one who gets possessed and dangles Holtzmann out of the window? I'd love to see her inner struggle with Rowan over it and the aftermath where she and Holtzmann work through Erin's guilt and Holtzmann's PTSD. 
> 
> This is getting way longer than I thought it would be, so I decided to make it a two-shot :)

With an unhappy groan, Erin let her head drop onto the table while Holtzmann folded up the newspaper and gave her a look of dismay; she hated it to see Erin so upset, and not just because of her crush on the physicist, her mind racing as she tried to figure out what she could say or do to make this better.

As if to make it even worse instead, Holtzmann took note of Columbia’s dean appearing on the TV, but before Erin could look up and notice as well, she practically dived across the table and switched off the TV, grinning toothily at the physicist when in reaction, she looked up at her in surprise.

“A commercial”, she then quickly made something up, feeling bad for lying to Erin, but not wanting her to realize why she truly had switched the TV off, “one I really don’t like. It, uh, it has slugs, I don’t like slugs.”

“Hates them”, Abby quickly confirmed, having realized what was going on, “one time, she nearly threw something at the TV when they showed that commercial. Also, hey, it’s lunch time, shall we go get something to eat?”

“Not me”, Erin sighed, with an unhappy look at the newspaper, “not after I’m on this title page punching a guy in the face. God, I wish I hadn’t done that.”

“He had it coming”, Abby told her, reaching out and touching her shoulder reassuringly; Erin gave her a brief, weak smile in response and shrugged, Holtzmann taking the chance given by this distraction to snatch the offending newspaper and toss it into the trash, missing the brief touched look Erin gave her as the redhead was all too aware of what the engineer was doing.

“I’ll come with you”, Patty threw in while Holtzmann made sure to bury the newspaper as deeply as possible in the trashcan, “how about we get some cheesesteaks?”

“Yum”, Holtzmann commented as she sat down again, while Erin just gave a brief nod, not really feeling like eating, but knowing she had to; Abby gave her a smile, then Patty and she headed out to get food, promising that they would hurry and that Erin and Holtzmann wouldn’t have to wait for too long.

Eager to distract herself from what had happened, Erin let Holtzmann know that she’d get some work done, and moved to her desk; this apparently inspired the engineer to do the same, and for a while, the only noises in the lab were the ones Holtzmann made as she worked, fully focused on the task at hand.

Thanks to her concentration, she didn’t notice the way Erin was more focused on watching her than on her own work; pen in hand, the physicist did glance at her notebook every now and then, but again and again, her gaze came back up to watch Holtzmann work, watch her fingers move nimbly and the look of intense concentration on her face.

As she watched the blonde, she had to admit to herself that what she felt was more than mere friendship, and more than fascination with the engineer’s work; she had tried to deny the fact that she was attracted to Holtzmann ever since she had seen her for the very first time back at the lab at Higgins, but it was getting harder and harder to lie to herself like this, and she was all too aware that she couldn’t keep this up for much longer.

Forcing herself to look away from the engineer and back at her work, Erin tried to concentrate, found it surprisingly difficult though; no matter how hard she tried to focus, her eyes kept wandering to Holtzmann, but at least, she told herself, the engineer didn’t catch her staring – she wasn’t quite sure yet if Holtzmann’s flirting was genuinely for her, or just a thing she did with everyone, and the last thing she wanted was to embarrass herself by reacting so strongly to it and be told that Holtzmann had never been serious.

_Well, she’s friendly with Abby and Patty, but she doesn’t flirt with them the way she flirts with you_ , she thought to herself as she stared at the numbers and letters on the page in front of her, equations she would have cracked with ease on a normal day, the solutions eluding her now though, _and she tried her hardest to protect you from the fallout your little stunt with that blogger caused. But still…_

Holding back a sigh, she glanced at her watch, surprised to see that almost twenty minutes had gone by, time during which she hadn’t done much more than stare at Holtzmann; and as her gaze wandered to the engineer again, she told herself that this was ridiculous and that she needed a break, coming to her feet, the sound her chair made on the tiled floor as she pushed it back prompting Holtzmann to look up from her work and give her a questioning glance.

“Washroom”, Erin said as explanation, earning a smile from the younger woman which sent a bolt of heat through her; she smiled back, then turned and hurried to the bathroom, taking a few deep breaths there as she tried to regain her composure.

_Jeez, the things she does to me_ , she thought to herself as she turned on the cold water tap, figuring that splashing some onto her face might help; the pipes rattled as the water started to flow, and Erin frowned, asking herself if “faulty plumbing” had been mentioned by the real estate agent and if perhaps, they should call someone to have a look at this, her worries about the bathroom blowing up only growing when the rattling intensified.

Then, she saw the green glow deep down in the pipe, and her heart started hammering in her chest; she took a step back from the washbasin, but before she could do more than that, perhaps call out for help, a bolt of greenish mist shot from the drain and flew right at her face, the physicist stumbling a few steps back when it connected.

_Why hello, Doctor Gilbert._

It took her a moment to place the voice, but when she did, her eyes went wide; she wanted to call out for Holtzmann, ask for help, even though she wasn’t sure what the engineer would be able to do, but found herself unable to, her body not reacting to the frantic commands from her brain as Rowan took control.

_Sorry, doctor,_ he mocked her, laughing as he made her look in the mirror above the sink so she could see the green slime dripping from her nostrils and ears, his control so complete that she couldn’t even feel this anymore, reduced to a disembodied presence in her own mind, _I’m in charge now._

“Erin?” she heard Abby call out from the hallway, a hint of concern in her voice, “are you okay in there?”

“Fine”, Rowan said, with her voice and her vocal chords and her lips, and if it had been possible, it would have made her skin crawl; she heard him chuckle in her mind, where he had imprisoned her, then he used her hand to quickly wipe off the slime before he opened the door, and seeing her body move like this when it wasn’t she herself who caused made it Erin fully realize the situation she was trapped in.

_No, stop!_

Her cry was ignored as Rowan stepped outside, briefly spoke to Abby, reassured her that everything was okay; Abby looked a bit doubtful, but didn’t say anything, unaware of Erin crying out again as Rowan moved her past the researcher and to the table on which Holtzmann kept so far unused parts and some of her tools, Erin’s dread only growing when she saw her hands take firm hold of a pipe the engineer had found God knew where.

“Oh, the pipe”, Holtzmann threw in from where she stood at one of the tables with Patty, having wandered there from her workbench to check out the food Abby and Patty had brought, “you’re gonna like what I wanna use that for hot stuff, I’m gonna make a proton shotgun. If that doesn’t work out, we can swing it around and break stuff. Win-win!”

Even though she had no control over her muscles and features, Erin somehow just knew that the smile Rowan gave the blonde looked nothing like her genuine, real one; and while she still wondered if Holtzmann had actually noticed, if any of them had noticed, and was realizing that something was wrong, Rowan moved over to where the proton packs where hanging on the wall, once more ignoring Erin’s protesting cries as she realized that he was about to do.

Still smiling that awful cold smile, Rowan pulled back – and started smashing the proton packs with the pipe, with strength Erin was certain wasn’t just her own, Holtzmann letting out a startled cry at the unexpected sight.

“What are you doing?!” the engineer demanded to know, eyes wide, “not my babies!”

Abby and Patty appeared to be too shocked to do anything, unlike Holtzmann, who rushed at the physicist; desperate, Erin tried to regain control as Rowan used her body to wrestle with the blonde, but it was of no use, and all she could do was watch how he used the pipe and a burst of strength to send the engineer flying, the low _thud_ with this Holtzmann hit the ground only making Erin’s desperation grow.

And clearly, Rowan wasn’t done yet, keeping Abby and Patty from coming to Holtzmann’s aid by throwing the pipe at them and forcing them to duck for cover; and while they were still straightening back up, eyes wide now, Rowan moved, hurrying to where Holtzmann was just rolling onto her back with fast strides, snickering in Erin’s head at her futile struggles to retain control.

_No, don’t, stop!_ Erin shouted as she had to watch in helpless horror how Rowan grabbed the engineer around the throat and actually lifted her up, confirming that he wasn’t just using the strength of her body, Erin doubting that she would have been capable of this, the dead man using her body not even breathing heavier though as he swiftly carried the gasping and choking blonde over to the window.

“Erin…!” Holtzmann brought out, grasping the other woman’s arm in an attempt to free herself, while Erin let out a wordless cry, unable to believe that the engineer could really think that it was her doing this; within her mind, Rowan laughed at her again, clearly enjoying himself and the pain he was inflicting.

_Stop hurting her!_ Erin shrieked at him, but he just laughed again – before he shoved Holtzmann through the closed window, a pained yelp coming from the engineer as the glass shattered against her back, her eyes widening again when Erin let her dangle out the window, the cruel smirk on the physicist’s face finally telling her that something was very, very wrong.

“This is fun, right?” Rowan said with Erin’s voice, the smirk widening when hurried footsteps came from behind the physicist as Abby and Patty rushed to help, Patty’s wordless cry mixing with the “goodbye!” from Rowan as he let go of the engineer, snickering again at the scream of terror Erin let out.

With a daring lunge, Patty shot forward and managed to grab Holtzmann’s arm at the last possible second; the low _thud_ with which her body hit the side of the building was a noise which simultaneously frightened and relieved Erin, a strange mixture, and then, Abby was grabbing her from behind, wrapping both arms around her in an attempt to keep her from going after Holtzmann again.

Using the supernatural strength being a ghost had given him, Rowan struggled, clearly not caring if Erin’s body got hurt in the fight or not; he slammed one elbow back, earning a low “ooff” from Abby when it connected with her ribs, but the researcher refused to let go, tightening her grip instead while Patty hauled Holtzmann back inside, the blonde ending up on the ground and clutching at her throat, coughing as she tried to get air into her lungs.

“Damn you”, Rowan snarled with Erin’s voice, still struggling to break free; he made use of Erin’s elbow again, landing a hit hard enough this time that Abby had to let go of her, eyes blazing as he moved to go after Holtzmann again, but before he could do more than take one step, Patty blocked his path – and pulled back, smacking her hard across the face, and suddenly, her body was her own again as Rowan was catapulted out of her.

She collapsed to her knees, her body trembling as tears blurred her sight; she felt dirty and violated, as if her whole body and her mind was covered in slime, and that only got worse when Patty rushed to Holtzmann’s side, the engineer still coughing on the floor, and asked her if she was okay, while Abby remained next to Erin, her hand on the physicist’s back, voice kind and concerned when she wanted to know the same thing.

All Erin could do was stare at Holtzmann, at the bruises already forming where Rowan had used her hand to grab her, at the smashed window through which the engineer had almost been thrown to her death, and she asked herself how she could have let this happen, why she hadn’t been able to stop it, a few tears escaping as she asked herself how she could ever look Holtzmann in the eye again after this.


	111. After the Fall (Part II)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This got way longer than planned again, I'm so wordy. XD Anyway! Here's the second part of "Erin gets possessed by Rowan". Enjoy :D

Right after Rowan had been forced out of Erin’s body, the Ghostbusters had been too busy to think much about what had happened, but once Rowan had been defeated for good and Erin and Abby had been pulled back from the vortex, things slowed down, and they all had time to think about what had happened.

And Erin found herself unable to think of anything else as she laid in her bed at her quiet apartment and stared up at the ceiling; again and again, she went through what had happened, from the moment on Rowan had possessed her to the second he had literally been smacked out of her, and again and again, she asked herself if there was anything she could have done.

Even though she had showered until the hot water had run out when she had come home, Erin still felt dirty, as if Rowan possessing her had tainted a part of her the hot water from the shower hadn’t been able to reach; and as she tossed and turned, she wondered how much worse Holtzmann had to feel, after what had happened to her, after how she nearly had been killed, thanks to Erin’s weakness.

_You just let him take over and hurt her like this,_ she thought to herself as she tossed and turned, unable to find sleep, _if she had fallen out that window, she could have gotten seriously hurt, or killed, and you did nothing, you just let him do whatever he wanted._

Realizing that she wouldn’t be able to get any sleep that night, Erin got out of bed and moved to her desk, telling herself that she might as well get some work done; and there she sat until dawn, staring at the numbers without actually making any progress, her mind circling around her guilt and around thoughts of how Holtzmann might be feeling in this very moment.

* * *

When Erin arrived at the lab above the restaurant, she could tell at once that Holtzmann hadn’t slept much, either; the engineer was pale, not even her yellow glasses hiding the dark rings beneath her eyes, and as Erin entered the lab, she briefly glanced at her, her gaze dropping back to the proton pack on the desk in front of her as she mumbled a greeting.

“Good morning”, Erin gave back, finding it just as hard to look at her; her hands trembled when she helped herself to some coffee, and when Abby unexpectedly touched her shoulder from behind, she jumped, nearly dropping her mug.

“Guess I don’t have to ask how you’re doing”, the researcher softly said, the sympathy in her eyes making Erin’s heart clench up as she told herself that she didn’t deserve this, that she should be looked at with scorn and anger, not with sympathy, that maybe, they even should kick her out, after how easily Rowan had overpowered her and had made her a danger for the team.

Behind Abby, Holtzmann mumbled something about being right back, then hurried off; Erin still got a good look at her throat though, at the dark bruises which had formed where Rowan had grabbed the engineer with her hands, and she had heard the slightly hoarse sound of the engineer’s voice, her guilt only growing at these reminders of what she had let Rowan do.

“It’s not your fault”, Abby told her, earning a doubtful look from the redhead, “and no one blames you. Holtz is just… a bit freaked out after what happened, but it’s not your fault, okay?”

“I should have done something”, Erin gave back, not able to accept the forgiveness Abby was offering so easily, “something to stop him, to keep him from hurting Holtz, but I didn’t… I just let him take over and…”

She looked over to the window and fell silent, not able to speak on as she saw the shattered glass; Abby made a mental note to have this repaired, figuring that no one could need the constant reminder, then shook her head, prompting Erin to look at her again.

“I’m pretty sure there was nothing you could have done”, she then said, prompting Erin to give her another doubtful look, “we don’t know much about possession, but from what I do know… All the believable accounts I could find about possession, there was nothing the victim could have done. And Rowan knew what he was doing, it could have happened to any of us, it doesn’t make you weak.”

Erin just sighed in reply, then threw another unhappy look at the window; Abby reached out to place a gentle hand on her back, and just then, Holtzmann came back, briefly glancing at the two women before she went to work without a word, Erin giving her a pained look the engineer either didn’t notice or pretended not to notice, once more asking herself how she could ever look Holtzmann in the eye again – and how she could make this right, not having the slightest idea where to start.

* * *

It took Erin almost two hours to work up the courage she needed to approach Holtzmann; and once she felt brave enough, and as ready as she could be to deal with possible rejection or blame, she had to wait until Abby and Patty left the lab to get lunch, but finally, the engineer and she were alone, and she cleared her throat as she slowly approached Holtzmann’s workbench.

“Holtz?” she spoke up, and her heart cramped up when Holtzmann flinched visibly, clearly not having expected this; it took her longer than strictly necessary to put down her soldering iron, and when she finally did look up at Erin, the physicist saw a hint of wariness in her eyes, just there for a second, but long enough to let her notice.

“I’m sorry”, Erin blurted out as she once more had to realize that, while Abby and Patty had forgiven her quickly, Holtzmann might not share their opinion that it wasn’t her fault, “I… Jesus, I swear I wouldn’t have let him hurt you like this if there’d been anything I could have done but… I tried, I really did, but I couldn’t stop him…”

She realized that she was rambling and forced herself to shut up, fingers fidgeting as she waited for Holtzmann’s reaction; a few seconds ticked by, then the engineer let out a small sigh, Erin swallowing heavily as she waited to see if she’d receive absolution or condemnation.

“I know there was nothing you could have done”, Holtzmann told her, and even though this was a sort of forgiveness, the tone of her voice made Erin’s heart clench up, as the blonde sounded both regretful and pained, “but… I’m sorry Erin, but I need a bit of distance for a while.”

Erin could only nod, her throat suddenly too tight to let her speak; not sure what to do with her hands, she ran them through her hair, then crossed her arms over her stomach, trying to swallow the lump in her throat so she wouldn’t start to cry as she made her way back to her desk and sat down there, staring at the numbers and letters without getting anything done.

She barely registered how Abby and Patty came back, only becoming aware of their return when Abby stopped in front of her desk; she gave her a questioning look, and Erin shook her head, once again not trusting herself to speak, the fight against her tears only getting harder when Abby gave her a look filled with sympathy.

“It’s gonna be okay”, she mumbled, keeping her voice low; Erin wanted to believe her, but only managed a shrug, swallowing heavily again as she looked down at her notepad once more, Abby giving her another pained look before she turned away, giving her some space and the chance to regain her composure.

Once she could be somewhat sure she wouldn’t burst into tears after all, Erin moved to join the others for lunch; she made sure to take the seat which was farthest from Holtzmann, even though it hurt her, but the last thing she wanted was to make this worse by not respecting the request the younger woman had made.

As she picked at her food, not feeling very hungry, Erin barely looked up at the other three; and so, she missed the way Holtzmann glanced at her every now and then, the pain in the engineer’s eyes and the sadness – but Abby and Patty both noticed, and exchanged an unhappy look as they had no idea how to help with this, no matter how much they both wanted to end their friends’ suffering.

* * *

For the next few days, Erin kept her distance, just as Holtzmann had requested; and even though they didn’t speak much during those days, and only about their work when they did, she could tell how much Holtzmann was burdened by what had happened, her guilt getting worse each time she noticed something which signalled how deeply Holtzmann had been shaken up by what had happened.

She wouldn’t go close to the window, that was the first thing Erin had noticed, not even after it had been fixed; whenever someone moved too fast towards her, she’d flinch, no matter who it actually was, even recoiling from Kevin one time, the man she had called “an adorable human puppy” on one occasion, and sometimes, Erin took note of how she’d sit at her workbench and just stare at her current project, nervously toying with her necklace or tugging at her ear, for minutes at a time, with a far-away look in her eyes.

Erin didn’t need to be a mind reader to know what Holtzmann was thinking of during those minutes, able to imagine all too well what was going through the engineer’s head when she stared at nothing like this; and all she wanted was to take that pain and those dark memories away, but had no idea how to do it, and so, she kept her distance, like Holtzmann had asked her to.

It didn’t happen often that it was just the two of them at the lab, Abby and Patty figuring that neither of them would be comfortable with it; even though, once they had been given the opportunity to rent the firehouse by the mayor funding them, it would have been easy to avoid each other, even if it had just been the two of them at the firehouse.

Somehow, despite how much it hurt both Erin and Holtzmann to stay away from each other like that, they managed to not let the distance between them affect the team; during busts, they both could forget what had happened for a little while and were fully focused on trapping or neutralizing the ghosts, but the moment the bust was over, Erin could feel the rift between them widen again, and each time, it clenched up her heart.

Still, despite how much it hurt, she didn’t try to initiate a talk about what had happened, worried that she’d only make it worse if she’d go against Holtzmann’s wishes like that; and so, she tried to deal with her pain and guilt the best she could, even though she knew that there was no way she’d be able to forgive herself as long as Holtzmann hadn’t forgiven her.

_If she ever does,_ she thought to herself, eyes fixed on her whiteboard – getting work done was somehow becoming easier again, even though she didn’t crack the equations with the ease from before the incident, not yet, _and if she doesn’t? What then?_

Holding back an unhappy sigh, she capped her marker and put it down, then turned to her desk; and only then, she noticed how late it had gotten, a bit startled when she realized that she was alone at the ground floor of the firehouse, Abby and Patty gone – making her wonder if they had said goodbye and she simply had been too lost in her work to hear them, or if they had snuck out – but judging from the noise she could hear coming from upstairs, Holtzmann hadn’t gone home yet, and momentarily, Erin was conflicted, not sure if she should go up there and tell the engineer that she would go home or if she should just leave.

Before she could come to a decision though, the noise from upstairs stopped; and moments later, she could hear Holtzmann come down the stairs, and for a second, she considered bolting out of the firehouse, running outside before Holtzmann had the chance to realize that she was still here, that they were alone there, with Abby, Patty and Kevin long gone.

And then, Holtzmann had reached the bottom of the stairs, and saw her standing at her desk with a deer-in-the-headlights look; the engineer briefly glanced around, noticed that the others were gone just like Erin had – before she walked over to where Erin was standing, stopping in front of her desk and taking a deep breath, the way her hand came up to touch her necklace showing Erin that she was about to say or do something which was making her uncomfortable, but clearly, she wasn’t willing to let this feeling stop her.

“Hey”, the engineer said, her gaze briefly dropping to the physicist’s desk before she made herself look Erin in the eye again, and the redhead could tell how much willpower she needed to do so, “the others gone already?”

“Yes”, Erin gave back, not sure where this would lead – it was the first time that they were alone in the firehouse since the incident, and the first time that Holtzmann was approaching her like this since it had happened, and she could feel herself get nervous, fingers starting to fidget, “but don’t ask me when they left, I kinda… got lost in my work and didn’t really notice.”

“Ah”, Holtzmann let out, and for a few seconds, there was an uncomfortable silence between them; then, she cleared her throat, once again finding it hard to look Erin in the eye as she spoke up again.

“I guess we should talk, huh”, she said, earning a small nod from the physicist; taking in a deep breath, Holtzmann reminded herself that it hadn’t been Erin’s fault, and gave her best to push the memory of the physicist’s hand around her throat aside as she looked her in the eyes again.

“I know it wasn’t your fault”, she said, voice quiet and a bit stilted, while Erin just listened, sensing that Holtzmann had more to say, “and I know there was nothing you could have done when… he possessed you. And I don’t blame you for what happened. It’s just… it’s hard to forget, you know? The way you… he… looked at me when he grabbed me, all that hate and anger… I know you’d never look at me like that, I _know_ , but…”

“I understand”, Erin reassured her, her voice hoarse as the engineer’s words had brought her close to tears again, “and I can’t tell you how sorry I am, I tried to stop him when he was hurting you, but… I just couldn’t do anything, and he’d just laugh at me when I screamed at him to stop…”

It was the first time she spoke out loud about how it had been, about how helpless she had felt when Rowan had been possessing her and had taken control with such frightening ease; she fell silent and swallowed heavily, in an attempt to hold back her tears, her gaze dropping down to the table – only to come up again in surprise when she felt Holtzmann’s hand on her shoulder, the engineer’s touch unexpected, but not unwelcome.

“I can’t even imagine how awful that must have been”, the blonde said, grimacing at the mere thought, “to think that this sad little man caused us both so much pain… I’m just glad we got rid of him.”

Erin nodded her agreement, feeling marginally better now that Holtzmann had told her out loud that she knew that what had happened hadn’t been Erin’s fault; she could still feel the distance between them though, and it hurt her, but she had no idea what to do to get closer to the blonde again.

“I miss you”, she blurted out before she could stop herself, feeling her cheeks heat up the moment the words had left her mouth, but not making an attempt to take them back, either; for a few moments, Holtzmann just held her gaze in silence, and she wondered if she had said too much too soon, if the engineer wasn’t ready for any kind of closer contact between them again, if she had ruined the little bit of progress they just had made.

And then, Holtzmann got moving, two fast strides taking her past the physicist’s desk and to her side; and when the younger woman hugged her, Erin nearly burst into tears again as she returned the embrace, taking in a deep breath in an attempt to keep her composure, even though this got considerably harder when she felt Holtzmann tenderly rub her back.

“I’ve missed you, too”, the engineer mumbled in a low voice, and it felt so good and right to have her arms around her that Erin felt her heart swell, “and I don’t want to be apart like this anymore. You mean a lot to me Erin, you all do, I want us to get past this…”

Erin could only nod, holding on tight to her, as if to reassure herself that this was really happening; she knew that things wouldn’t go back to how they had been before from one day to the next, that they still had issues to work through and that it would take time for the mental wounds Rowan had inflicted to heal… but for the first time since it had happened, she allowed herself to hope that it could be done.

For the first time since it had happened, she allowed herself to hope, and to think that things would, after a while, be okay.

Holtzmann and she would be okay.


	112. After the Fall (Part III)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And here's the final part of "Rowan possesses Erin" :D

When Abby and Patty came to the firehouse in the next morning, they could immediately tell that something had changed between Erin and Holtzmann; the almost unbearable tension which had been between them ever since the incident apparently had vanished overnight, and while they weren’t as comfortable with each other as they had been before Rowan had possessed Erin, it was noticeably that things were getting better.

“You talked yesterday, I imagine”, Abby brought this up the moment Erin and she were alone, Holtzmann having gone up to her lab and Patty having headed out after her favourite bookstore had given her a call about some rare volume she had been looking for, “things are okay between you again?”

“Mostly”, Erin nodded, smiling, feeling better than she had ever since the incident, “we talked and… we both want to get back to how things were before everything happened, so… I know it won’t get magically fixed from one day to the other just because we talked but… it’s a start, you know?”

Smiling as well, Abby nodded, then reached out and briefly touched the other woman’s shoulder, the genuine happiness in her voice and eyes when she replied making Erin’s heart clench up as she once more realized how much she had missed having the researcher in her life during the years they hadn’t spoken.

“I’m glad”, Abby told her, squeezing her shoulder, “that Rowan didn’t manage to destroy your friendship. Things will be like they were before he… did this to you soon, I’m sure about that.”

Erin could have just nodded then, and kept her thoughts about where she wanted her relationship with Holtzmann to go to herself; as it was though, she found herself shrugging, then blushed, clearing her throat at the curious look Abby shot her.

“That’d be good”, she then mumbled, suddenly finding it hard to look her best friend in the eye – she doubted that Abby would judge her for what she was about to reveal, but it was the first time in her life that she openly spoke about feeling this way for another woman, and that made it difficult for her, no matter how supportive she knew Abby was going to be.

“But, well”, she continued, fingers starting to fidget, showing Abby that she was nervous, “I’d kinda… like to be more than friends with her.”

Abby just nodded, as if she had expected something like that, not appearing surprised the slightest; this made Erin wonder if she had been so obvious about her attraction to the blonde – and if Holtzmann had noticed then, too, or if Abby only had been able to tell because she knew her well enough.

“I’m pretty sure that is something you both want”, she then said, Erin unable to hold back a smile, “contrary to what I think you believe – or talked yourself into believing – Holtzmann does not flirt with everyone she meets. Not the way she flirts with you.”

Erin blushed again at that, but couldn’t stop smiling; Abby smiled back at her, squeezing her shoulder again afterwards, her gaze softening as she went on.

“And I hope things will work out for the two of you”, she told the redhead, Erin feeling grateful at the way she thus gave the idea of Holtzmann and her becoming more than friends her blessing, “you both deserve to be happy.”

“Thank you”, the physicist gave back, moving to hug the brunette, “that means a lot to me… Now let’s just hope I don’t mess this up somehow.”

“I’m sure everything’s gonna work out just fine”, Abby told her, making her smile again, “just give it some time, don’t try to rush things.”

Hoping that Abby was right, Erin nodded, feeling so relieved after finally telling someone about her crush on the engineer that it was almost absurd, and that relief only had grown at how supportive Abby had been of the idea.

_Now let’s hope she’s right about things working out_ , she thought to herself as they both got back to work; she could hear Holtzmann working upstairs in her lab and smiled to herself as she thought of the engineer’s blue eyes and her dimpled smile, not quite sure how to make the younger woman realize that she wanted more than friendship, too, but telling herself that somehow, it would all work out.

* * *

For the next few days, Erin and Holtzmann slowly grew closer again, and more relaxed around each other, until things were almost back to how they had been before the incident; Holtzmann started making flirty remarks again, to Erin’s delight, even though the first time the physicist responded with one of her own, the engineer looked rather gobsmacked, certainly not having expected this.

The bug-eyed, but somewhat pleasantly surprised look Holtzmann had given her had encouraged Erin to be more daring though; and so, she more and more often responded in kind when Holtzmann flirted with her, and the engineer got used to it quickly, the way she’d beam at her each time showing the physicist that she was very happy about this new development.

Even though all Erin wanted at this point was to grab the engineer and kiss her senseless, she held back, not wanting to ruin the trust which was building between them again by acting too rashly; Holtzmann was almost back to her flirty self, showing that she truly didn’t blame her for what had happened, and the last thing Erin wanted was to destroy this newly building trust by freaking her out or doing something which would remind her of what Rowan had done.

And so, Erin flirted back whenever Holtzmann flirted with her, smiled when the engineer complimented her and made sure to give the blonde compliments in return, as well; she made no other move though, telling herself that she’d wait for Holtzmann to do so, and that she’d wait as long as necessary for the engineer to feel ready.

Still she hoped that this would happen soon, even though she told herself that she could be patient and that Holtzmann deserved all the time she would need to feel ready; it became especially difficult to hold back the urge to kiss the blonde when the younger woman made use of her proton pistols, the physicist thinking to herself that, no matter how often she’d see Holtzmann use them, she’d never grow tired of the sight.

It almost dismayed her a bit that, during the current bust, Holtzmann hadn’t used them yet, relying on her proton gun instead as the team was eager on trapping the ghost instead of neutralizing it; it was a rare and powerful Class V, the Ghostbusters not having managed to trap many of those yet, and they all knew it would be quite helpful for their studies to get one of them into the containment unit.

The ghost clearly had other ideas though, moving with unsettling speed to avoid the proton streams, shrieking at the Ghostbusters as it flew this way and that, always managing to move past the streams in the last moment, to the growing frustration of the team.

“Damn you, hold still”, Abby cursed when the ghost shot past the streams yet again, earning another shriek from the apparition – before it rushed at the researcher, and then, everything happened very fast.

Abby heard Holtzmann cry out, followed by the engineer shoving her harshly, out of the ghost’s path; the apparition slammed into the engineer instead, driving her backwards – until the sound of glass shattering mixed with the scream Erin let out as the ghost pushed Holtzmann through the nearest window.

Before she consciously realized that she had started to move, Erin dropped the proton gun, not caring that she dragged it along as she rushed to Holtzmann’s aid; the engineer was struggling on the edge, eyes wide as she fought to not the let the ghost push her the last few inches, the physicist calling out to her as she yanked the proton shotgun from the holster strapped to her thigh.

“Close your eyes!” Erin shouted, Holtzmann quickly doing so, squeezing her eyes shut as tightly as possible; Erin pulled the trigger, and the ghost howled in pain as the proton blast hit it, powerful enough to wound it, but not enough to destroy it.

Letting go of the engineer, the ghost retreated, vanishing through the ceiling; for a few heartbeats, Holtzmann still feared that she might fall – before she felt firm hands grasp the front of her coveralls and Erin yanked her back from the edge, with a bit more force than perhaps strictly necessary, the engineer ending up stumbling against her, clinging to her as she fully realized how close she had been to being thrown from the window – again – and that this time, it had been Erin who had saved her.

“Are you—”, Erin started, with the intention to ask her if she was alright; before she could finish though, Holtzmann pulled her closer and kissed her, Erin’s brain shortening out as felt the younger woman’s lips on hers.

She melted into the kiss, the danger for the moment forgotten – until Abby called out to them, and made them pull apart again, Erin blushing furiously at her best friend’s words while Holtzmann just smirked.

“While I’m glad you two dorks finally are smooching”, Abby told them, smirking as well, “we still got a ghost to bust. You can make out some more once we took care of that.”

“More making out once we’re done?” Holtzmann asked Erin in response, the physicist’s blush deepening as she nodded; Holtzmann gave her a happy, wide grin, then pulled her in for another brief kiss – before the four of them hurried to catch the ghost at last, Erin unable to stop smiling despite the danger the apparition still presented for all of them.

She definitely knew now that Holtzmann and she would be okay – and she couldn’t wait for the making out which had been promised to start.


	113. Heating Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We have a massive heat-wave here right now, the air-con at our office died and somehow my brain turned the whole mess into... this. lol Don't ask, I dunno either. Careful, this is a bit NSFW ;)

“Oh God”, Erin groaned, letting her head drop onto her desk, sweat slowly rolling down her cheeks, “please tell me the repairman is gonna be here soon.”

“Hopefully”, Abby, her co-worker groaned, uselessly fanning herself with a stack of papers; a heat-wave had hit New York two days ago, the sun mercilessly burning from the sky, and of course, the air-con at their office had died not even an hour ago, the small room heating up quickly, the computers and printer and their very presence not helping.

“Why did this have to happen today”, Erin lamented, straightening up again, only to slump back in her chair, “jeez.”

“At least you don’t have to teach a class”, Abby told her, grimacing, “I have. In half an hour. I’m going to melt. Maybe I’ll just give them all the afternoon off.”

“That would certainly do wonders for your popularity”, Erin gave back, making her smile weakly; even though she had no class to teach, Erin still had paperwork to do, or she would have gone straight to her home, where she had a working air-con and could have taken off the tweed suit she wore to work every day.

The thought of working in her underwear was quite appealing, but not an option at an institution like Columbia, and so, all Erin could do was take off her blazer and sweat, and hope that the repairman would arrive quickly.

To her dismay, no repairman had shown up by the time Abby had to leave for her class; she was on her second bottle of water when a knock came from the door, and after she had called out “Yes?”, assuming it was a student needing help, the door opened to reveal someone who definitely wasn’t a student.

It was a woman she had never seen before, quite certain she would have remembered, with the gravity-defying hairdo, the paint- and oilstained overalls and the yellow-tinted steel frame glasses; Erin could easily tell that the woman was younger than her, her mouth feeling oddly dry at the dimpled smile she received, and she had a second to wonder what this person was doing in her office – before she saw the toolbox in her hand, and it all clicked into place.

“Hi”, the woman said, entering the office and holding out her free hand, Erin a bit amazed to see that, despite the heat, she was wearing fingerless leather gloves, not appearing all too perturbed by the temperature as she gave Erin another smile, “Holtzmann, Virgo, avid skier, and here to fix your air-con. Dr Yates?”

“Oh, um, no”, Erin stammered, a bit shocked at her strong reaction to this woman, “I’m, uh, Dr Yates is my colleague, I’m Erin. Um. Dr Gilbert. Dr Erin Gilbert. We share this office. I mean, Dr Yates and I do.”

_Oh my God, Gilbert, shut up, she’ll think you’re a complete moron._

“Ah”, Holtzmann let out, not seeming all too bothered by Erin’s senseless rambling, “well, nice to meet you Dr Gilbert. I’ll take a look at your nasty lazy air-con then, alright?”

Worried that she might start rambling again, Erin just nodded; Holtzmann gave her another smile, then moved to the air-con mounted to the wall behind Erin’s seat, the professor watching her curiously, her gaze following each movement of the repairlady as she put down her toolbox and opened it, then peered at the air-con.

“You know”, she said conversationally, “it sucks for you guys cause this air-con has no central control, something about building regulations? But it’s good for my boss cause I have to check all the single devices in every office, so I’ll be busy at least for a day.”

“Huh”, Erin let out, not really listening as the woman was bending over to grab a tool from her box, and her quite nicely shaped behind distracted her from what the blonde actually was saying; only when Holtzmann straightened up again, she snapped out of it, feeling her cheeks flush and hoping that the other woman hadn’t noticed her staring.

“It’s an easy fix though”, the younger woman went on, apparently oblivious to how Erin had been gazing at her behind, “just need to replace this little part here, then you should have nice cool air again.”

“Thank you”, Erin sighed, earning another dimpled smile and smiling back, all too aware that her cheeks were still reddened, “of course this had to happen during the worst heat wave of the year. You’re a life saver, Miss Holtzmann.”

“Just Holtzmann is fine”, the blonde told her, with another smile, “and but life saver has a nice ring to it, too.”

Erin let out a small laugh at this, causing Holtzmann’s smile to widen; the blonde winked at her, and Erin could feel her face flush again, but for once, she didn’t mind, holding the younger woman’s gaze as she thanked her again, suddenly hoping that the air-con would break again soon so this strangely enticing and attractive woman would show up at her office again.

* * *

As it turned out, Holtzmann had done an almost too good job when she had repaired the air-con, since it worked flawlessly from that day onwards; and so, not long after the blonde’s first visit at the office, Erin decided to help it along, making sure to do so on an afternoon when she was alone at the office.

She thought and pondered how to break the air-con so it wouldn’t be all too noticeable, and finally had an idea; said idea was quickly made a reality, she called the repair company, and an hour later, Holtzmann came strolling into the office, smirking at her, clearly remembering her as she greeted her with a cheerful “Yello, Dr Gilbert!”.

“Hello, Holtzmann”, she returned the greeting, smiling at the younger woman, determined to not act like a stammering fool this time, “thank you for coming so quickly. It’s not so hot today, but, well…”

“Still too warm to exist without an AC, yup”, Holtzmann stated as she walked to the air-con, making Erin nod; to her dismay, it didn’t take the blonde long to find the problem, and she shook her head as she straightened up, then turned to look at the professor.

“Looks like someone was careless watering the plants on your windowsill”, she said, Erin smiling innocently, “it’s all wet, no surprise it doesn’t work. I can fix that though, no problem.”

“I never doubted that”, Erin told her, smiling, still all innocence; Holtzmann smiled back at her, then got to work, and got done all too fast, Erin holding back a sigh as the blonde left – her mind already racing as she tried to figure out what to do next, and how to handle the attraction she felt towards the younger woman.

* * *

During the next few weeks, the air-con in the office of Abby and Erin mysteriously kept breaking – usually due to things which did not belong in an air-con ending up inside it, namely drinks, and, on one memorable occasion, cake, and each time, Holtzmann came to repair it.

After the fourth time the air-con had died because somehow, coffee had ended up inside it, the blonde seemed to grow suspicious; she didn’t bring it up though, not during that time, but when Erin called the company for the fifth time, she apparently decided that it was time to say something.

“You know”, she stated as she worked, feeling Erin’s eyes on her back – she had noticed that the professor was watching her a lot whenever she worked at her office, and mysteriously, the air-con only ever seemed to break when Erin was alone there, “your air-con must be the most unfortunate one I have ever seen, because it breaks more than all others in this building combined.”

“Oh, really”, Erin gave back, all innocence again, “is that so. How about that?”

“Uh-huh”, Holtzmann let out, stopping her work to turn and look at her, “and, you know, somehow it always seems to break when your colleague isn’t around. I wonder why that is?”

“I have no idea”, the professor told her, even though she could feel herself blush a bit when Holtzmann smirked, the blonde apparently forgetting her work for the moment as she moved to stand in front of Erin, the professor feeling distinctively warm at having Holtzmann so close to her, but not moving back, either.

“Really?” Holtzmann wanted to know, her gaze dropping to Erin’s lips before she looked back up and their eyes met, and Erin could have sworn she had seen a spark between them, even though she knew that this was unrealistic and clichéd, “I’m not sure you’re as innocent as you pretend to be, Dr Gilbert. But, you know, I can’t say that I mind, I was kind of hoping your AC might break again.”

“Were you now”, Erin breathed, heart racing; and when Holtzmann nodded, she threw all inhibitions over board, for once in her life acting rashly and without worrying about possible consequences as she grabbed the blonde’s overalls, pulled her closer and kissed her.

Holtzmann kissed back at once, wrapping both arms around her waist; Erin felt a flash of heat which had nothing to do with the weather go straight to her core, but she still thought rational enough to remember that someone could walk in any time, breathing heavily as she pulled back from the kiss, barely able to believe what she was about to say and do, but unable to stop herself, either, the whole situation feeling oddly right to her.

“My office door locks”, she mumbled, while Holtzmann’s hands slid up her sides, making her shiver, “and Abby’s not coming back here today.”

“Oho”, Holtzmann let out, then, to her delight, turned and moved to the door to lock it; and when she had done so and turned back, Erin was sitting on her desk, and had unbuttoned her blouse in record speed, Holtzmann’s mouth going dry at the sight of her bra and naked stomach.

With anyone else, on any other day, she wouldn’t have acted like this; just like for Erin though, this felt strangely right to her… and so, without another thought, she pounced.

Erin responded quickly and positively, wrapping both arms around her as they kissed deeply; she felt Holtzmann cup her breasts through her bra and moaned into her mouth, turned on beyond belief already, and this only grew when not long afterwards, the blonde went down on her knees in front of the desk.

“Let’s see if I can take you apart as quickly as that air-con”, Holtzmann said, Erin raising an eyebrow at her, not sure what to think of this metaphor; before she could decide how to respond though, Holtzmann had pushed her skirt up and had pulled her underwear down – and then, without much preamble, she moved forward and ran her tongue over the professor’s folds, earning another moan as one of Erin’s hands grabbed a fistful of her hair, the other holding on to the edge of the desk.

Fighting to hold back louder moans, not wanting anyone outside to hear her, Erin threw her head back in her neck; perhaps, she thought to herself, it was because she hadn’t had any sort of sex in far too long, or because Holtzmann was just that good – or maybe, a mix of both – but she found herself close to the edge surprisingly quickly, voice breathless and higher than usual when she brought out just a few words.

“Holtzmann oh God yes”, she babbled somewhat nonsensically, and Holtzmann seemed to take this as encouragement, as her mouth found the other woman’s clit and then she _sucked_ , and stars exploded in front of Erin’s eyes, her head falling back in her neck as she let out a low, but drawn-out moan.

“God”, she brought out once she had come down from her high, breathing heavily, sweat glistening on her brow which had not been caused by the weather at all, “that was… oh wow. Um, I normally don’t do that, you know…”

Now that it had happened, and had been so good, too, she realized what she had done, and blushed, worried what Holtzmann might think of her now; the blonde raised her hand to look at her and smiled, wiping her mouth as she straightened up again, and Erin forgot all her worries for a second as this probably was the hottest thing she had ever seen.

“Ya know, normally, I don’t, either”, the blonde let her know, making her raise an eyebrow, “but you kinda brought that out. Not that I didn’t enjoy myself, cause you looked really hot when you came. Want to go for dinner?”

“Are you asking me out on a date after you ate me out?” Erin asked coyly, smiling when Holtzmann snorted, then nodded; and she nodded at once too, then, hopping off the desk and fixing her clothes before she grabbed Holtzmann’s hand, the air-con and her sabotage of it forgotten as they headed out for their date together.

She somehow knew that many more would follow.


	114. In the Blood

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Based on this tumblr prompt: after a bust gone wrong, Erin ends up in the hospital for losing a lot of blood. A "mysterious" hero donates the blood that helps save Erin's life. She learns later on that that donor was Holtzmann who she knows hates needles. While expressing her gratitude, Erin also expresses some feelings she's been bottling up for a while.

Erin was floating.

Part of her, the small part which was still capable of rational thinking, told her that she probably should find it worrisome, the way she felt nothing but this odd lightness; a larger and louder part of herself silenced the rational one though, and so, she couldn’t find it within herself to worry.

“…losing a lot of… have to stop…”

She couldn’t quite make sense of what she was hearing, nor of the flurry of activity around her; every now and then, she’d surface enough from the darkness she was floating in to take note of worried faces peering down on her, Abby and Patty and Holtzmann and then some strangers she never had seen before.

“Erin”, Abby’s voice came out of the darkness, a disembodied sound with an odd echo, “Erin, come on, stay awake. Erin, please!”

The voice faded away, and she floated into the darkness, and then, for a while, there was nothing.

* * *

When Erin opened her eyes, she quickly realized that she was no longer floating; instead, she laid on something soft and comfortable, a white ceiling above her, something beeping softly, but steadily close to her… and then, she felt the pain, and nearly cried out.

“Erin?” Abby’s voice came from her right, followed by the researcher bending over her so she could look her in the face without Erin having to turn her head, “are you awake? Can you hear me?”

“Yes”, Erin made herself reply, shocked by how weak and hoarse her voice sounded, “what…?”

“That ghost put up more of a fight than expected”, Abby told her, grasping her hand and giving it a reassuring squeeze, “and it got you with that spectral knife it was using. Do you remember?”

At hearing this, Erin did remember, just a few vague images, but enough – how the ghost had pulled said knife out of nowhere, how fast it had suddenly moved, and then the sudden pain, followed by the floating and the voices and faces in the dark.

“Some of it”, she mumbled, prompting Abby to squeeze her hand again, “how long was I…?”

“Almost two days”, Abby told her, making her grimace, “you’d lost a lot of blood, it was quite scary for a while. If there hadn’t been a donor who had your blood type… Why do you have to have the rarest blood type there is?”

“Blame my family”, Erin gave back, managing a weak smile; Abby smiled back at her, then her gaze softened, her eyes staring to shine suspiciously as she continued.

“Seriously though, Erin”, she said, “that was really frightening. Please don’t ever frighten us like this again, alright?”

“It’s not like I did it on purpose”, Erin pointed out, smiling weakly though, touched by Abby’s concern – it shouldn’t be surprising, she knew, but it had been so long that anyone had been concerned about her that it still was something she wasn’t quite used to, “but yeah, I’ll try not to get cut next time… Holtz and Patty…?”

“Manning the firehouse”, Abby told her, returning her smile, “we’ve been doing shifts here at the hospital with you so you wouldn’t be alone when you’d wake up, but someone has to be at the firehouse in case a call comes in.”

“Ah”, Erin let out, figuring that this made sense, and trying hard to ignore the flash of dismay she felt at the thought of Holtzmann not being anywhere nearby, “that’s smart. I’ll see them later then I guess, I doubt I can go home right away…”

Abby shook her head, not really surprising Erin, but still dismaying her; she knew that getting out of bed and leaving the hospital wouldn’t be smart, not with the throbbing pain she still felt from her wounds, but still she didn’t like the thought of staying in the hospital longer than she absolutely had to.

“Get some rest”, Abby advised her, squeezing her hand again, “one of us will be here when you wake up again, I promise.”

Even though she had been more or less asleep for the past two days, Erin felt tired and drained, and so, she just nodded; she still felt Abby holding on to her hand as she drifted off into sleep, getting the rest her body needed to heal.

* * *

During the next few days, Erin slowly recovered from her injuries, and learned how scary exactly it had been for the team when she had been in the emergency room; it had been touch and go for a while, she was told, and if it hadn’t been for a donor who had given blood to help save her life, it would have been an even closer call.

She wanted to thank the person who had helped save her life, but to her dismay, her doctor let her know that said donor wanted to remain anonymous; this bothered her a bit, but she figured that she had to accept it, and told the doctor to let the donor know about her gratitude, the elder woman reassuring her that she would.

While Erin wasn’t fully happy with this solution, she figured that it was better than nothing; at least, she reasoned, the donor would be told about how grateful she was, and perhaps would come forward one day, so she could give her thanks in person.

Finally, after a few more days had passed, she was allowed to leave the hospital, even though the doctor warned her to take it easy for another week or so, and recommended that she shouldn’t go on busts until she was completely back on her feet; and even though Erin didn’t like the idea, she took the doctor’s advice, and focused on tasks she could do while sitting at her desk.

The others made sure as well that she wouldn’t overdo it, with Holtzmann hovering around her the most, always asking her if she needed anything; if it had been anyone else, Erin might have found this annoying, but with Holtzmann, she found herself enjoying the attention, gave her best though to not overdo it, reassuring Holtzmann again and again that she was fine and that she could get her own drinks and snacks and that there was no need for the engineer to bring her every single thing she might desire during the day.

“Really, Holtzmann, I’m fine”, she reassured her one of those times, reaching out to briefly touch her arm, part of her noticing the small, fairly new looking scar in the crook of said arm, but thinking nothing of it, “and I can get my own drinks, I don’t want to keep you from your work by having you wait on me all the time.”

“You’re not keeping me from anything, hot stuff”, Holtzmann reassured her, the pet name not for the first time sending a jolt of heat through the physicist’s veins, “in fact, I added a new paragraph to my job description, and it says _take care of Erin Gilbert._ Look it up.”

“You know, with anyone else, I would just shrug that comment off”, Erin told her, making her smirk slightly, “but knowing you, I might just look up your job description indeed.”

Holtzmann just grinned and winked at her, then strolled off to get her a drink after all; and when she came back, she was amused to see that Erin indeed had pulled out her file, paperwork they had originally filled out for the mayor, but of which Erin had made copies just in case, even though her smile faded when she noticed the way the physicist was staring at the page in front of her.

“Holtz”, the redhead said, before Holtzmann had the chance to ask if something was wrong, “we have the same blood type.”

“We do?” the engineer gave back, sounding all too innocent to be believable; Erin looked up at her in response – and then, suddenly and unexpectedly, reached out and grasped her arm, her eyes narrowing as she took a closer look at the small scar she had noticed earlier, Holtzmann shifting uncomfortably at the scrutiny with which Erin was looking at her when her gaze came up again to meet hers.

“It was you”, she said, more a statement than a question, “you donated the blood when I was in the hospital.”

For a moment, Holtzmann looked as if she wanted to deny it, and Erin narrowed her eyes again; then, the engineer shrugged, then nodded, her hand coming up to tug at her ear while she suddenly found it hard to meet Erin’s eyes.

“They didn’t have enough”, she mumbled, Erin’s heart melting at how insecure the blonde suddenly seemed, “and then Abby realized we have the same blood type so I let them take what they needed to make sure you’ll be fine.”

“But Holtz, you hate needles”, Erin pointed out, all too aware of this fact, one she had learned fairly quickly after they had begun working together, what with Holtzmann’s tendency to cause poofs of all sizes up in her lab, speaking on when another thought hit her, “and why wouldn’t you let them tell me it was you?! They told me the donor wanted to remain anonymous!”

“I didn’t want you to feel as if you owe me or something”, Holtzmann told her with another small shrug, still finding it hard to look her in the eye, her tone now getting stilted as well, signalling that she wasn’t fully comfortable, “and yeah I don’t like needles but they said they needed blood to make sure you’d be fine so I let them take some, Abby held my hand and bought me Pringles afterwards.”

She realized that she was rambling and made herself shut up, giving another helpless shrug; in response, Erin just looked at her for a while, long enough that Holtzmann started to fidget uneasily – before the physicist suddenly got up from her desk and, with two fast strides, moved around it, ending up in front of the engineer, the younger woman having a moment to look at her questioningly.

And then, Erin moved one hand to the back of her neck, and grabbed the lapel of her shirt with the other, and pulled her closer and kissed her, and Holtzmann felt as if she would spontaneously combust any moment.

The kiss remained fairly innocent, but still Holtzmann felt a strange tingle all over by the time Erin slowly pulled back again; the physicist smiled at her, a somewhat shy smile which made her heart stutter, and she found herself grinning back, not quite trusting herself to speak yet. 

“I’ve been wanting to do this for quite a while, you know”, Erin mumbled, her hand moving from the engineer’s lapel so she could clasp both behind Holtzmann’s neck, “it shouldn’t have taken me so long but… I guess I had to get hurt and actually end up with some of your blood in my veins to find the courage. Thank you for doing this for me.”

“Nothing to thank me for”, Holtzmann reassured her, finally finding herself able to talk again, even though she couldn’t stop grinning, “but I wouldn’t mind another kiss, you know, that was really nice.”

Erin let out a small laugh in reply, then pulled her close for another kiss, a content sigh escaping her as she felt Holtzmann’s arms wrap around her, glad that her injuries had led to this, certain that things would only get better for the two of them.


	115. Wired

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Here we go with another one-shot set in the little universe I got with autistic!Holtz :) The idea came to me quite out of nowhere, perhaps, my cold medicine is to blame, haha. I hope you'll enjoy :)

It was one of Erin’s not so good days, a bad day, actually, and Holtzmann could tell so at once.

She wasn’t good at reading people, far from it, and she knew that she wasn’t, and wouldn’t have had the slightest problem with admitting this; she knew Erin though by now, knew her quite well, and so, she knew what to look for.

There was the way, for example, Erin would stay at her whiteboard for minutes without moving a muscle; even when she was deep in thought, usually, when she didn’t have a bad day, she didn’t just stand there like that, but was moving a least a bit, either playing around with her marker or chewing on it or shifting from foot to foot.

There was also the way she’d just pick at her food, even when it was one of her favourites, or how her reactions just came slower than usual, somewhat _muted_ ; on a regular day, Erin was affectionate, and would smile and giggle when Holtzmann was affectionate with her, but on the bad days, she barely managed a smile, and while she didn’t react to Holtzmann cuddling up to her or kissing her cheek as if she didn’t want it, she didn’t initiate any of the tenderness, the way she usually did.

So, Holtzmann knew that it was a bad day for Erin; to her dismay though, what she didn’t know was how to make this better, feeling awkward and helpless as she sat at her workbench and watched Erin, the physicist unaware of the engineer’s eyes on her, staring at the screen of her laptop without moving a muscle, something she had been doing for the past ten minutes, to the engineer’s increasing concern.

During such moments, she wanted to curse herself, wishing that she’d simply know how to handle this, how to make it better; the very way her mind worked though made this so difficult for her, she hardly could keep up with social cues and interactions on the best of days, usually, Erin or Abby helped her out when she couldn’t quite understand why people reacted oddly to her, but in this case, Erin was the one who _needed_ help, and all Holtzmann wanted to do was to give that to her.

As always when she felt close to being overwhelmed by something, Holtzmann grabbed one of the wires she kept close at hand for this exact reason, the routine movements and the feeling of the cool metal against her skin helping her relax immediately as she started stripping the first of the wires.

And as she finished one wire and picked up the next one, she realized that perhaps, she did know how to help Erin after all; deciding that it was worth a try, and coming to her feet before she could overthink this and decide it was a dumb idea, Holtzmann made her way to Erin’s desk, stopping next to it and clearing her throat, then saying “Erin?” when the physicist didn’t notice her presence at once.

At hearing her name, Erin did look up, and she looked so tired and exhausted that it made Holtzmann’s heart clench up; still she smiled at the redhead, and placed one hand on her shoulder, glad when the physicist didn’t pull back from her touch.

“I’ve, um, I’ve noticed you’ve felt a bit… down”, Holtzmann said, figuring that this was a good way to put it, “so… maybe I know how to help you. A bit? If you want to try?”

Erin gave a barely perceptible shrug, then nodded, figuring that anything would be better than just sitting here and listening to the dark voices in her mind; Holtzmann smiled at her again and held out her hand, the physicist grasping it and letting herself be pulled to her feet.

On any other day, on a day during which the nasty voice of self-hatred wouldn’t have been so loud in her head, Erin might have wondered what Holtzmann was planning; on this day though, she couldn’t find it within herself to wonder, but just went with her, stopping at her workbench with the engineer, watching silently how the blonde picked up a piece of wire and the pliers she preferred to use, Erin knowing that she had stopped using the actual tool built for this very purpose years ago.

“Here”, Holtzmann said, smiling at her, Erin accepting both the wire and the pliers, feeling a hint of curiousness as she did so, “you know that… my mind doesn’t work like other people’s mind, sometimes it’s too fast and too loud and too bright but… doing this always helps to quieten it down. Maybe it’ll help you, too.”

“Can’t hurt, can it”, Erin mumbled, sitting down when Holtzmann patted her chair; nodding, the engineer lowered herself into a crouch next to her, carefully guiding her hands as she showed her how to use the pliers.

The results weren’t as flawless and quickly achieved as when Holtzmann did it, but Erin, to her amazement, realized that it did help, at least a little – as she focused on removing the insulation from the metal, and felt the coolness of said metal against her fingers, it somehow, magically made the dark voice quieten down, until she could barely hear it anymore.

She got so focused on the task at hand that she didn’t even notice how time passed; every now and then, she’d register movement from the corner of her eye as Holtzmann had gone back to her own work, but she kept her attention on the wire in her hands, until the insulation had been removed completely and she slowly lowered both the tool and the wire.

“Want another one?” Holtzmann offered, smiling at her when Erin looked up at the sound of her voice and their eyes met, “I got a whole drawer full of them, and I don’t mind sharing with you.”

“Another one would be nice”, Erin gave back, earning another smile before the engineer nodded and pulled said drawer open; she pulled out a wire longer than the one Erin had been working on before and handed it to the physicist, but before she could pull back, Erin grasped her hand, the engineer feeling delighted at how much calmer and less saddened the redhead appeared as their eyes met again.

“Thank you”, Erin said, squeezing her hand; she wanted to say more, wanted to tell her how the task, simple as it was, somehow had made the voice shut up, the voice which had been plaguing her for so long that she couldn’t remember a time when it hadn’t been around, but she couldn’t quite find the word, so this was all she could say.

And still, Holtzmann seemed to understand her, looking a bit bashful as she shrugged; her free hand came up to briefly touch her necklace, but she kept holding Erin’s gaze as she replied, her words making the physicist smile slightly, as well, for the first time since the bad time had started.

“Well, you know”, the engineer mumbled, sounding a bit stilted, but still not looking away, even though Erin knew how hard this could be for her sometimes, “you’ve been so patient and so helpful with me and my… problems so I figured… if I can do something to help you, too, it’d only be fair, so…”

Erin just squeezed her hand again in reply, and smiled; and then, she pulled her in for a brief, but tender kiss – before she went back to stripping the wire, and Holtzmann went back to her work, both feeling better now, secure in the knowledge that they had each other and would always try to their best to help each other out whenever it would be needed.


	116. Tingles

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Based on this tumblr prompt: a one-shot where Holtz starts to notice a change for the good when flirting with Erin and so she ups her game in hopes that she'll make a move (Erin ending up making a move)

Holtzmann has never been good with emotions, not with reading them in others, and not with handling strong ones of her own.

So, when she feels an odd tingle as she reads The Book, especially whenever she reads the parts Dr Gilbert wrote, she tells herself she is intrigued by the woman’s mind, and that’s all there is to it.

Then, after Abby actually publishes the book, Dr Erin Gilbert comes storming into the lab, all anger and indignation, and it’s not just a tingle this time, but a strange fluttery feeling her stomach and an odd skip in her heartbeat.

She remains quiet as Erin yells at Abby about The Book, tries to deal with these odd feelings… and then Abby walks off to yell at the restaurant about her soup, just leaves Erin standing there, and the filter between Holtzmann’s brain and mouth, wonky on the best of days, gives out completely, and she hears herself speak up before she realizes she’ll say something.

“Come here often?”

Erin flinches, apparently having been completely unaware of her presence, and spins around to face her, and on impulse, Holtz makes the blowtorch in her hand _foomph_ to life when their eyes meet.

Her heart ignites in a manner quite similar to the blowtorch, and she knows what it is now as she stares into Erin’s eyes.

She’s been in love with the woman’s mind before she ever met her, and she’s even more in love with her now.

There’s a bit of pain as she figures that she won’t ever see Erin again, after the physicist got slimed at the mansion, and she wonders if the love she feels will lessen with time, it feels so big and bright now that she can’t imagine not feeling it anymore one day.

Then Erin comes back, and they start working together, and Holtzmann allows herself to hope.

She’s never felt like this before in her life, and she’s not quite sure what to do about it, how to make Erin see what she feels; she’s had flings before in her life, mostly during college, but never anything serious, she knows she’s been too… quirky for something serious, she wasn’t the kind of girl someone would bring home to meet their parents, probably still isn’t.

Holtzmann is not sure how to make Erin see, she’s so unexperienced at this, but she _tries_ , tries harder than she’s ever tried before with any other girl in her life.

Erin always gets first pick when she presents new weapons to the team, even when Abby teases Holtz about how this is favouritism; Holtzmann doesn’t care, even though Erin seems to, because she blushes whenever Abby comments on this.

Erin actually blushes a lot, Holtzmann notices, usually when she does something nice for her – not just first pick on new weapons day, but also small favours, like bringing her a coffee or a donut or offering her fortune cookie to the redhead – or when she compliments her; sometimes, she also laughs awkwardly, and makes a sort of flapping gesture with one hand, as if to wave her words away.

The blushing and the awkward giggles and even the flapping are the cutest things Holtzmann has ever seen in her life – and she has seen many cute things, looking at kittens on the internet is one of her favourite ways to relax – and so, she keeps it up, just so she’ll get to see them more often, just so she’ll get to see Erin smile; and as she keeps it up, she realizes that slowly, as the days go by and turn into weeks, something changes.

Erin still blushes, and giggles, but her giggles are less awkward; and sometimes, when Holtzmann makes an especially sweet compliment, she smiles in an endearingly soft way and says “thank you, Holtz” in an oddly touched tone, as if she only now starts to believe that Holtzmann means it and isn’t playing some sort of cruel prank on her.

It makes Holtzmann wonder how badly exactly Erin has been treated by the people around her before the Ghostbusters, and it only makes her try harder, because suddenly, from one day to the next, she feels as if she might have a chance.

She keeps making compliments, and makes sure that Erin’s gadgets are always the first ones she finishes building or, when it’s an existing one, repairing and maintaining; she also brings more coffee and donuts and breakfast bagels, and dances for Erin whenever there’s a song she likes in the radio – which is often – and whenever Erin has one of her not so good days, she tries her best to cheer her up, with an endless repertoire of jokes and a possible shoulder to cry on.

When Erin comes to her and timidly asks for a hug the first time during one of those not so good days, Holtzmann feels joyful and at the same time bad about that joy, but can’t help the excited fluttering in her stomach as she holds the physicist close.

She figures that Erin should be the one to make the first move, if she does so too quickly, it might just freak the older woman out; and so, she keeps it all up, in a daily reassurance that she’s serious and that she’s serious, silently hoping that one day, it will be pay off.

And it does, one evening, when Abby and Patty have gone home and it’s just Erin and her in the lab; Erin joins her on the second floor, claiming a roadblock in her work and that she needs some distance, and just watches her work for a while.

“You know”, she then breaks the not uncomfortable silence between them, raising her voice just enough to be heard over the music, “I really like watching you work.”

“Oh?” Holtzmann lets out, not quite daring to hope, not yet, “really? How come?”

“I like watching your hands”, Erin admits, blushing a bit, but apparently not willing to back down, Holtzmann can almost see how she gathers all her courage, “in fact I… I’ve been thinking about your hands for quite a bit lately. And… about other… parts of you.”

“Oh?” Holtzmann repeats, her stomach tingling excitedly again; Erin smiles a bit, and nods, moving closer until she’s right in front of Holtzmann, so close to her that their bodies are almost touching.

Then Erin reaches up, and does touch her, runs her fingers down the lapels of her coat; Holtzmann swallows heavily, it’s as if she’s glued to the spot, all she can do is stand there and look, but she looks closely, and so, she doesn’t miss how Erin’s gaze drops down to her lips.

“Please don’t let me make a fool of myself now”, she hears Erin mumble under her breath, she’s not sure she’s been supposed to hear that, but before she can ask, Erin leans in and kisses her and the tingling feeling her stomach spreads and expands until it’s all over her body and she’s pretty sure it’ll make her already gravity-defying hair stand up even more.

It seems that Erin pulls back again way too soon, and from the unsure way she looks at Holtzmann afterwards, the engineer can tell how much courage Erin has needed to do this; and so, she decides to take care of the worries she can see in the physicist’s eyes in a similar manner, and pulls her closer again and kisses her once more.

Erin melts against her, holding her tight as she kisses her back, and a short while later, she not just gets to watch Holtzmann’s hands, but to _feel_ them, and her reactions make Holtzmann tingly all over again.

She can’t wait to make Erin feel like this every day.


	117. Feet of Flames

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So I was listening to the new Eluveitie album and this Irish fiddle like tune came up. Apparently, my brain is weird after a long week at work, because this one-shot is what said brain responded with to that tune. Short and perhaps a bit silly - enjoy ;)

“Okay, enough”, Erin said sternly as Holtzmann twirled her blowtorch to the rhythm of her music again and set something on fire _again_ , “we’ll listen to some of my music now. Because this is getting ridiculous, we’ve already emptied four fire extinguishers and it’s only Tuesday!"

“Awwww”, Holtzmann let out as she made use of extinguisher number five, “but…”

Erin just had to give her a _look_ to make her relent, and she sighed as she unplugged her iPod; then, she held out her hand, and Erin gave her hers, calm and slow music filling the lab the couple shared a short while later.

Holtzmann grumbled under her breath about how it was difficult to work to such music, how it sapped her energies, but Erin skilfully ignored her – they had had this discussion before, after all, usually after Holtz had set something on fire one too many times during dances – and focused on her work, and after a while, the engineer gave up her grumbles and did the same thing, even though her leg bounced up and down as she worked, to a beat only she could hear.

Then, the current song ended and a new one came on, and Holtzmann paused, then perked up visibly, exclaiming in delight as she recognized the Irish violins and the tune they were playing.

“That stuff is awesome”, she let Erin know, nodding her approval and making Erin smile slightly, “man, I just wish I could dance properly to that. You know, Michael Fartley style or whatever his name was.”

“Flatley”, Erin corrected, Holtzmann watching with a bit of confusion how she put her pen down and came to her feet, a strange glint in her eyes now, “and you mean dance like this?”

Holtzmann nearly fell off her chair when Erin effortlessly got into the beat, her feet moving slow and a bit hesitant at first, then picking up speed as she found her rhythm; part of her took note of Holtzmann gaping at her in complete fascination, but most of her focus was on not messing this up.

The last thing, she told herself, was to stumble over her own feet and end up falling flat on her face; it had been a while since she had danced like this, especially in front of an audience, even if that audience consisted solely of her girlfriend.

Apparently though, knowing how to dance like this was sort of like riding a bicycle, because Erin found it easier to do than expected; she missed a step or two, but since she wasn’t wearing the right shoes for this, it probably wasn’t noticeably, and judging from how Holtzmann kept staring, the engineer certainly hadn’t picked up on it.

Erin kept her hands firmly at her sides at first as she danced, feeling sweat form on her brow – she had forgotten just how exhausting this could be, and found herself wondering how long exactly that song was – then moved them to her hips as she started to feel more secure about the dancing, even daring to smile at Holtzmann, amused and a bit touched by the way the engineer was gaping at her.

Despite Holtzmann’s positive reaction, Erin was somewhat glad when the song came to an end; despite how her leg muscles were beginning to tire, she kept up the dance though, breathing noticeably heavier by the time the song ended, feeling sweat trickle down her back now, too.

The look on Holtzmann’s face made it all worth it though, the awestruck expression the engineer still showed; for a few seconds, Holtz just sat there and kept staring – before she hopped off her chair and rushed to where Erin was standing, sweeping her up in her arms and making her giggle with surprised delight.

“Oh my God!” the engineer cried, eyes shining with admiration now, “Erin! I never knew you can do that! That was awesome!”

“And I wasn’t even wearing the right shoes for it”, Erin pointed out, still panting a bit while Holtzmann put her back down on her feet, “but I’m glad you enjoyed. My Grandma was Irish, you know, she taught me.”

“Enjoyed?!” Holtzmann gave back, shaking her head, “I didn’t just enjoy that, I loved it! My girlfriend, the Irish dancer. I’m so impressed and turned on right now, you know.”

“Oh?” Erin let out, raising an eyebrow – before she squealed as Holtzmann picked her up and carried her to the nearest workbench, the glint which was in her eyes now one Erin had seen there quite often already.

When Holtzmann went down on her knees a few minutes later, Erin forgot all about her sweaty body and her tired legs.


	118. Meltdown

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Based on this tumblr prompt: a fic where autistic!Holtz has a meltdown and erin helps her calm down.   
> I did some reading on this subject before I wrote this and hope I did it justice :) If I messed up horribly, let me know ^^;

“Oh you’ve got to be kidding me”, Erin groaned as she emerged from the garage into the firehouse’s lobby; the reason for this reaction, one Jennifer Lynch sitting on the couch for visitors, raised an eyebrow at this greeting, but as it was, Erin couldn’t be bothered to care much, just shrugging instead of blushing and perhaps apologizing.

“We just came back from a bust”, she let the woman know, gesturing at the slime drying on her chest and stomach as if for emphasis, for once not having the stuff in her hair and face though, “and it was a long one. So please tell me this is important.”

“If it wasn’t, I wouldn’t be here”, the PA gave back, “the mayor wants to see you the moment you come back from the bust. As in, now.”

“A call wouldn’t have been enough?” Abby wanted to know, raising an eyebrow as well; Jennifer shook her head, then let them know he wanted them on the road to his office the second they came back from the bust, making them all wonder what was so important.

“At least give us a few minutes to change”, Erin said, fighting the urge to snap at the younger woman when she shook her head; she grit her teeth instead of saying the not very nice things which came to her mind, knowing that it wasn’t the PA’s fault, reminding herself of the fact that Jennifer was only doing her job.

“It’s urgent”, the younger woman said, somewhat apologetic now; Erin and Abby let out a sigh in perfect unison while Patty rolled her eyes and Holtzmann readjusted her glasses, all four of them glad that none of them had gotten drastically slimed during the bust.

“Fine”, Erin said with a bit of a grumble, “alright, if it’s that important.”

Going to the mayor’s office was the last thing she wanted right now – the week had been exhausting so far, with several challenging busts, and even though she worked with her girlfriend, she felt that they barely had been able to spend any time together, just the two of them, Holtzmann busy for hours with repairing and maintaining their gear after the busts and, during the past several nights, only having ended up coming to their shared bed when Erin had been fast asleep for hours already.

This worried the physicist, as she had witnessed before what could happen if Holtzmann pushed herself too hard for too long; she had been there when the engineer had had a seizure a few weeks ago, and had been able to help her, but she didn’t want to imagine what could go wrong, should this happen again while Holtzmann was in the lab all on her own.

During the ride to the mayor’s office, she could tell that Holtzmann wasn’t all too happy with this development, either, the engineer bouncing her leg up and down the whole drive, but not saying much, only letting out vague grunts when she was asked something; this only made Erin’s concerns grow, and she made sure to hold on to Holtzmann’s hand during the drive, silently reassuring her that she was there.

“Hey”, she said quietly shortly before they arrived at the building, making Holtzmann look at her, “after this meeting, how about we get some pizza and then watch a movie and cuddle?”

“Have to check the packs first”, Holtzmann mumbled in reply, the way she glanced at Erin for only a second before she focused on her bouncing leg again only another sign for how much the week’s workload was getting to her; Erin squeezed her hand reassuringly and smiled at her, only for her worries to grow even further when Holtzmann barely looked at her again and didn’t smile back at her.

Then, they arrived at City Hall, and were led to the mayor’s office; and the moment they had sat down, the mayor made it clear why he had wanted to see them so badly, waving around an article from the previous day, which showed photographs from the bust and a detailed description of how said bust had happened.

“It was agreed that you would be discreet”, he said angrily, Erin bristling at once in response, “and now there’s articles almost every day! And it was brought to my attention that you make use of social media, posting photos and status updates! That is not discreet, ladies!”

“You do know that people have witnessed what happened during the Rowan Incident, right”, Abby wanted to know, crossing her arms over her chest, “people know that what we do is real. And what do you expect us to do when reporters show up, tell them not to take pictures?”

“Wouldn’t be the first time you go after someone with a camera”, the mayor shot back, Erin letting out a harsh “hey!” as she sat up straighter in her seat; and with that verbal shot fired from the mayor, it didn’t take long until the meeting had devolved into three of the Ghostbusters and the mayor having a shouting match, none of the women willing to put up with being spoken to like this.

The only one who didn’t participate in the heated argument was Holtzmann, the engineer sitting in her chair quietly, bouncing her leg; and not long after the shouting had started, that stopped, too, Erin noting how she sat there completely motionless now, staring at her feet, her concerns coming back and pushing her anger aside at this unusual behaviour from her girlfriend.

She had a second to wonder if she should try touching her, or perhaps just say her name… and just then, the mayor apparently lost what little bit of composure he still had left, slamming his hand down onto the table as he yelled at Abby, and clearly, this was some sort of tipping point, Erin having a second to notice how Holtzmann clenched her fists, then the engineer’s voice cut through the room, loud and with just enough of a tremble in it to let the physicist hear it.

“Shut up, shut up, _shut up_!” Holtzmann shouted, the mayor falling silent more out of surprise than anything else; he opened and closed his mouth, oddly resembling a gaping fish – and then Holtzmann burst into tears, curling up in the seat and her hands coming up to cover her ears, even though for now, the shouting had stopped.

“Everyone out”, Erin said at once, quickly realizing what was happening, having done quite a bit of reading on the subject ever since Holtzmann had told her that she was on the spectrum, “now. She needs room and quiet now.”

“This is my office!” the mayor protested while Abby and Patty were already getting up from their seats; Erin took one look at him, and he fell silent again, not protesting anymore when she said “out”, only following the others outside.

“Holtz”, the physicist said in the kindest, most caring tone she could manage, trying to not let her worries show through her voice, not wanting to make the engineer feel even worse, “it’s alright, everything is fine. Okay? Do you need me to do anything? Can I do anything to help?”

For a while, it seemed as if Holtzmann hadn’t even heard her, sniffling quietly now, the sounds and the sight breaking Erin’s heart; slowly, not wanting to make it worse, Erin lowered herself into a crouch in front of her, not quite sure if touching her would be alright, but eager to help her through this.

“Holtzy?” she thus said, keeping her hands to herself for the moment, even though she was aching to hold her close and make it better, “is it okay if I touch you?”

The nod from the engineer was so small that Erin almost wasn’t sure if she really had seen it; making sure to not move too fast, she reached out and placed one hand on Holtzmann’s shoulder, moving it in slow, hopefully soothing circles when there was no negative reaction to the touch.

And then, Holtzmann moved with surprising speed, wrapping both arms around Erin and burying her face in the physicist’s shoulder; returning the embrace, Erin held her and kept rubbing her back, until the engineer stopped trembling and her flow of tears slowly came to a stop.

Spurred on by this positive reaction, Erin kept rubbing her back, and made soothing noises; and a while later, Holtzmann stopped crying completely, and pulled back from the hug, enough so she could look Erin in the face, the dull shame the physicist now could see in her eyes though making her heart clench up again.

“Sorry”, Holtzmann mumbled, before Erin had the chance to say something, “I… sorry.”

“You have nothing to be sorry for”, Erin reassured her at once, still rubbing her back, earning a doubtful look, “it’s not your fault. Come on, let’s get out of here, okay?”

“…you threw the mayor out of his own office”, Holtzmann said as she came to her feet, Erin keeping one arm around her waist, just in case, “you’re gonna get in trouble and it’s all because of me.”

“There’ll be no trouble”, Erin gave back, rubbing her back a bit again, even though she wasn’t quite as sure about this as she sounded, “don’t worry. Let’s just get you home, alright?”

Holtzmann gave another small nod, and Erin gave her a hopefully reassuring smile; then, she led the engineer out of the office, Abby and Patty waiting in front of the door, the mayor standing a few feet farther down the hallway and looking at them, Erin somewhat surprised to find concern in his eyes, and not the anger she had been expecting.

“We’ll call you tomorrow”, she said before he could say anything, and her surprise only grew when he just nodded; he gave Holtzmann another concerned look, didn’t say anything though, but simply watched how Erin led her to the exit, Abby and Patty trailing along behind them, exchanging worried glances at how unusually quiet Holtzmann was.

She got into the backseat without a word, and Erin joined her there, putting both arms around her again once they both had gotten comfortable; snuggling up to her, Holtzmann rested her head on Erin’s shoulder, and mumbled a barely audible “thank you”, Erin pulled her closer in response, then tenderly kissed the top of her head, Holtzmann even managing a small smile as she relaxed in her girlfriend’s arms, finally allowing herself to believe that everything was okay and that things would be just fine.


	119. Better Days

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Based on the day I had yesterday, lol. Sadly not all of it though ;)

Erin was having a bad, bad day.

It had started with her shower suddenly only spraying cold water, just when she had started to wash her hair; after that, her breakfast toast had burned even though she hadn’t changed the settings she used every day, the first blouse she had put on had torn when she had stretched to reach for her jacket, and as if all that wasn’t enough, the subway had had some kind of problem, so that she had ended up later than eight a.m. for the very first time since the Ghostbusters had moved to the firehouse six months ago.

And, as it turned out, her streak of bad luck continued; once she had made it to the firehouse, one of the very first things she did after having sat down at her desk was to throw over her coffee mug, and the coffee went everywhere, splashing her clothing and soaking her notebooks.

“Goddammit”, the physicist cursed, exasperated, staring in despair at the liquid soaking through her papers and blurring her writing; the thought of having to do all the work all over made her want to cry, and as if that all hadn’t been enough yet, her phone rang just when she had finished cleaning the mess up, and it was Jennifer Lynch, calling just to yell at her about some article a local newspaper had printed and asking what had happened to the discretion they had agreed upon.

Erin tried to tell her that there was only so much they could do, what with the ghosts themselves not being very discreet; she barely had the chance to say anything though, the PA snapping at her to make sure they would be less flashy in the future before she simply hung up.

After all the other things which had gone wrong, this was the last straw, and Erin let out a groan as she let her head drop down onto the desk; for a while, she just sat there like this, eyes closed, and took slow, deep breaths, in an attempt to keep her calm.

“You know”, she heard Holtzmann say from somewhere behind her, but couldn’t find the strength to lift her head and look at her, “I thought you carry a lot of tension in your shoulders on a regular day, but today must be a new record.”

“This isn’t a regular day”, Erin groaned, still not lifting her head, “this is one of the worst days I’ve ever had, and it’s not even lunchtime yet.”

In response, she heard Holtzmann walk closer - and then the engineer’s hands were on her shoulders and started kneading, and she let out a low groan before she could stop herself, amazed at how good this felt.

It shouldn’t surprise her, she thought to herself, she knew that Holtzmann had strong, but nimble hands, from years of doing an engineer’s work; what did surprise her though was the blonde’s skill when it came to massaging, her fingers finding the knots with ease and working on them until they were gone.

“Oh God”, she let out after a while, when the engineer’s hands moved farther down her back, left and right of her spine, and worked on the tense muscle there, “you’re really good at this. If I had known that you - oh!”

She interrupted herself with a yelp as Holtzmann found an exceptionally tender spot and pushed down; worried that she had hurt her, the engineer stopped, Erin lifting her head at once and craning her neck to look at her, giving her the best set of puppy dog eyes she could put on.

“Don’t stop?” she half asked, half said, “that was a good noise, not one of distress.”

“Okay”, Holtzmann gave back, and Erin let her head drop down onto the desk again as the engineer’s hands returned to her back; thus, she missed Patty walking by, and the way the historian rolled her eyes, what with this being just another moment which led her to wonder why those two weren’t actually dating yet.

“As I was saying”, Erin tried again while the younger woman continued the backrub, “if I had known that you’re go so good at this, I would have asked you to do that five months ago.”

“Well, you know now”, Holtzmann told her, earning another noise as her thumbs dug into another tense spot, “you can ask for that anytime, you know.”

“Don’t tell me that, or you’ll end up rubbing my back every day”, Erin warned her, the engineer shrugging in response, then realizing that Erin couldn’t see that and verbally reassuring her that she wouldn’t mind.

“Well, I’ve warned you”, the physicist said, earning a low chuckle from the engineer; then, Erin fell silent and just focused on how good this felt, impressed by the thorough job Holtzmann was doing, her hands kneading out the knots until she had reached the physicist’s lower back.

“There”, the engineer then said, Erin feeling a hint of dismay when the younger woman’s hands vanished from her back, “better?”

“Yes”, Erin sighed, straightening up again, then surprising Holtzmann by coming to her feet and turning so she was facing her, a blush colouring her cheeks when she spoke on, but apparently, her sudden nervousness didn’t stop her, “in fact, you’ve made my day much,  _ much _ better, so I think now, I will make yours better, too.”

And then, before she could overthink this and stop herself, she leaned in and pressed her lips to the engineer’s; for a few seconds, Holtzmann didn’t react, and Erin felt her heart plummet all the way to her stomach… and then, Holtzmann kissed her back, and wrapped both arms around her, and her heart soared to the skies.

“...I’ll rub your back every  _ hour _ instead of every day if this is the reward I get”, the engineer mumbled once they had pulled apart again, looking a bit dazed; Erin laughed and shrugged, then pulled her in for another kiss, feeling herself relax even further at the sensation of the engineer’s lips on hers.

And all at once, Erin just knew that from now on, not even bad days would be so bad anymore.


	120. The Yogurt Incident

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Very loosely based on this tumblr prompt: Person A is in their private office eating yogurt and accidentally drops the entire container on their pants right on their crotch. They decide to take off their pants to try and air dry them after wiping off the yogurt. Person A’s personal assistant, Person B, enters the office without knocking and sees Person A in their underwear.

“We’ve told you guys”, Abby said in a strict tone, crossing her arms over her chest and giving Erin and Holtzmann a look matching her tone, the couple sitting on the couch in the firehouse’s lobby and looking sheepish, “no kinky stuff here in the firehouse.”

“I want to have it known that this is all Erin’s fault”, Holtzmann declared in response; immediately, Erin gasped and bristled, giving her a look filled with indignation.

“How is this my fault”, she demanded to know, “I just wanted to borrow some glue and suddenly, there you stand in just your boxers and a t-shirt!”

“And you literally pounced me”, Holtzmann pointed out, Abby looking on with a raised eyebrow, “I just wanted to dry my pants after I spilled yogurt on myself. Not my fault you walked in just then and decided to jump me.”

“Not my fault you looked so hot”, Erin replied thoughtlessly, then she belatedly realized what she just had said and blushed, covering her mouth with one hand; Abby shook her head and gave them both another strict look, prompting them both to fall silent.

“Regardless of who is to blame”, she then said, “we agreed on no kinky stuff in the lab, and still Kevin ended up walking in on the two of you getting it on, right there on Holtzy’s workbench.”

“I know, I know”, Erin sighed, feeling a bit guilty now - Kevin was sweet, and meant well, but he once more had proven how dumb he was, having thought that Erin was trying to eat Holtzmann up, and having reacted by running down the stairs screaming that Erin had gone Hannibal Lecter and needed to be stopped. 

“I’m surprised someone has let him watch Silence of the Lambs”, she said thoughtfully, making Holtzmann snicker; then, Abby gave them both another strict look, and the engineer fell silent, clearing her throat guiltily.

“Patty had to take the poor boy out for ice cream to calm him down”, Abby reminded them of Kevin’s plight, “I don’t care how hot you think Holtz looks without pants on, Erin, please don’t do that again.”

“I won’t”, Erin promised, Holtzmann echoing her words solemnly; clearly satisfied with this, Abby nodded and smiled, then got up and made her way back to her desk, Erin poking Holtzmann in the side the moment her best friend was out of earshot.

“I can’t believe you threw me under the bus like that”, she said, shaking her head, “shame on you!”

“Well, you did pounce me”, Holtzmann defended herself, “how was I supposed to know you’d come up just when I took off my pants?”   


“You should have gone to the bathroom to take them off”, Erin told her, with another shake of her head, “who just takes their pants off in the middle of the room?”

“I do”, Holtzmann shrugged, making the physicist raise an eyebrow, “and anyway, you gave me that yogurt in the first place, telling me it’s a healthier snack than Pringles. I tried to eat it and look what happened, we got in trouble!”

“That we did”, Erin sighed, deflating - before she giggled, earning a questioning look from the engineer, quickly explaining her sudden amusement, her words making Holtzmann snicker again as well.

“Poor Kevin”, the physicist said, “but it was kind of hilarious how he screamed about how I’ve gone Hannibal Lecter.”

“Indeed, it was”, Holtzmann agreed, then gave a somewhat dirty grin, her next words making Erin smile in quite the similar way, “so, Dr Gilbert-Lecter… shall we get out of here so you can have some dessert?”

“Good idea”, Erin smirked, “but.. Holtz? You might wanna put on some pants before we leave.”

Neither of them noticed how Abby let her head drop down onto her desk in defeat.


	121. Dressed to Impress

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So, I imagine some of you have seen the comic panel of Holtz in the shirt and tie. While it wasn't a good situation for her in the comic, the image kinda stuck with me (rawr, hehehe), and it led to this one-shot :D Enjoy :D

Erin was breathless, and it was all Holtzmann’s fault.

Part of her was still rational enough to wonder if the others were noticing her staring, but it appeared to be unlikely – after all, they were all focused on Holtzmann, too, the engineer grumbling at the way the other three were staring at her, apparently missing the fact that Erin wasn’t just looking surprised, but decidedly intrigued and maybe even a little turned on.

_No no no_ , she hurriedly policed her thoughts, mortified at the direction they were taking, _not turned on. Not at all. Why is she…?_

“Holtzy baby”, Patty spoke up before Erin had a chance, eying the engineer, “are you feeling okay? Why do you look like that?”

“Dr Gorin”, Holtzmann sighed in response, with an unhappy look at herself, “she’s invited me to a congress and…”

The engineer was saying more, about dress codes and about how her mentor had threatened to sneeze at the containment unit if she wouldn’t go along with it for that one time, but Erin wasn’t really listening anymore, too distracted by the sight.

She knew that the button-up shirt, the tie and the cotton slacks were far from Holtzmann’s preferred attire, and could tell that the blonde wasn’t exactly happy to be wearing this outfit… but she just looked so good, and Erin found herself unable to look away.

_Damn you, Holtz,_ the physicist thought to herself, swallowing heavily as she felt her cheeks heat up, only feeling more mortified when she realized that she couldn’t hide these clear signs of arousal – even if Holtzmann didn’t notice, Abby certainly would, because Abby knew her, and would be able to tell.

And Holtzmann had seen this before, too, Erin realized, when Kevin had shown up at their old lab, and she had reacted pretty much the same way.

_Damn you_ , she mentally cursed again, trying hard to look away, only for her gaze to move back again immediately, _why do you have to look so hot in this?_

“Anyway, don’t wait up”, Holtzmann was saying while Erin had these decidedly not innocent thoughts, tugging at the tie unhappily, giving Erin several ideas which probably had nothing to do with proper tie etiquette, “I might be late. But if there’s a bust, call me, just so I can get out of these clothes earlier, it’s like a hangman’s noose around my neck.”

Abby and Patty said appropriate words of sympathy, while Erin could only stammer and stutter a bit; this earned her an odd look from Holtzmann, then the engineer was gone, off to meet her mentor, and Erin groaned, letting her head drop down onto her desk.

“Smooth”, Abby’s voice came from her left, but she didn’t even flinch, not surprised the slightest; she just groaned again, and when her best friend spoke on, she just knew that Abby was smirking smugly, without having to look.

“Seeing Holtz like this had quite the effect on you, huh”, Abby said, earning yet another groan, “I’m not sure if she noticed, but it was like Kevin all over again.”

“I knoooow”, Erin sighed, finally lifting her head again, her cheeks still a healthy red tone, “God, I hope she didn’t notice. So embarrassing.”

“Well, if she noticed, she’s gonna be overjoyed”, Abby gave back, earning a sceptical look from the physicist, “and don’t give me that look, Erin, I told you, Holtz really likes you. As I’ve said, but you were all, but Abby, no, I’m so straight!”

“First, I do not sound like that”, Erin said with indignation at how Abby’s tone had risen in pitch at the last few words, “and, yeah, well, about that… maybe I’m not as straight as I thought.”

“Gasp, shock”, Abby deadpanned, snickering at the look Erin shot her; then, the researcher sobered, and placed one hand on the other woman’s shoulder, figuring that admitting this out loud certainly hadn’t been easy for the redhead, no matter how much better she had gotten about her self-esteem issues.

“I won’t say anything to Holtz, and I know Patty won’t, either”, she let the physicist know, “but you should, Erin. I think you’d be good for each other.”

Not quite sure what to reply to this, Erin could only shrug and blush again; Abby squeezed her shoulder, and smiled at her reassuringly, then left her alone, and she sighed to herself as she wondered how to handle this, if Abby had been right and if she really should say something.

* * *

Holtzmann had said not to wait up, and so, Abby and Patty had gone to bed before she came back to the firehouse; Erin was still awake though when the engineer finally did come back, shortly after midnight, not quite admitting to herself that she had been waiting for the blonde to come back, after she’d had hours to think about what Abby had said to her.

“Oh hey Erin”, the engineer said as she took off her jacket and hung it up, “got lost in your numbers again?”

She reached for the tie to loosen it, obviously glad to be finally able to get rid of it, but before her fingers even made contact with the knot, Erin spoke up, not answering her question, her tone commanding enough that Holtzmann froze mid-movement, surprised and intrigued.

“Stop”, was all Erin said, putting her pen down – not that she had done much work ever since Holtzmann had left, but the blonde didn’t need to know that; she came to her feet and walked over to where Holtzmann was standing, the younger woman looking at her curiously, swallowing noticeably heavier when Erin took hold of the tie and ran her fingers up the fabric.

“Erin…?” she still had time to say, clearly not sure what to think – and then Erin tightened her loose hold on the tie, and used it to pull the engineer closer, a surprised, somewhat muffled noise coming from the blonde when their lips met.

Her surprise didn’t last long though, as she kissed the redhead back a second later; Erin let go of the tie to wrap both arms around her, and sighed into her mouth when she felt Holtzmann return the embrace, which wasn’t just feeling nice, but quite fortunate, too, since the kiss made her knees decidedly weak.

She had imagined Holtzmann to be a good kisser, more than she’d be willing to admit, but she would never have thought that Holtzmann was _that_ good.

They pulled apart again when oxygen was becoming an issue, both of them breathing heavily, Erin quite flushed once more, but not just from embarrassment this time; without a word, she grabbed Holtzmann’s hand – still not giving her a chance to remove the tie – and led the way to her bedroom, the engineer more than happy to follow her there.

“We’ll have to be quiet”, Erin said once she had closed the door, “Abby and Patty are already asleep, and I do not want to imagine the teasing in case we wake them with our… activities.”

“Quiet it is”, Holtzmann replied, sounding and looking so eager that it made Erin’s heart flutter; she smiled, and stepped closer again, running her hands over the tie once more, voice almost a purr when she spoke up again.

“Do me a favour?” Erin said, earning a questioning look from the engineer, which prompted her to elaborate, and her words had a rare effect, as Holtzmann was the one to blush now, something Erin was quite sure she never had seen before.

“Keep the tie on?” she added, fingers already moving to open the buttons of the shirt, “and _just_ the tie?”

Holtzmann could only swallow heavily, and nod, and Erin smiled at her before she kissed her again, the engineer now quite glad that she had agreed to this outfit.

If she had known it would lead to this, she thought to herself as she fell onto Erin’s bed with her, she would have worn these things months ago.


	122. Home is Where the Heart is

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Based on this tumblr prompt: Erin and Holtz have been apart for a week or so, and when they reconnect it's all hot, and slow, and breathy with a ton of eye contact.

Holtzmann was feeling glum, and both Abby and Patty knew that this would only get worse before it would get better again.

“I swear to God”, Abby mumbled to the historian as they watched Holtzmann poke one of the proton packs, without any real progress happening, “once Erin gets back, I’ll lock them up in a closet together until they figured this out.”

“Agreed”, Patty gave back, while Holtzmann, unaware of their talk, let out a sigh and gave the proton pack in front of her a forlorn look, “you talked to Erin yesterday, no? Please tell me she’s not just as bad.”

“Oh, she is”, Abby didn’t do her that favour, making her sigh, both of them at this point unable to believe how long it actually was taking the two other members of their team to figure this out, “she tried to hide it, but she ended up asking and talking about Holtzmann way more than just a friend would. And she sounded kinda glum, too.”

“You’d think two women as smart as Erin and Holtzy would have figured this out months ago”, Patty commented, shaking her head, “instead, they just quietly pine for each other.”

“Well, maybe it’s a good thing that Erin’s off at this congress for a week”, Abby said thoughtfully, with another look at Holtzmann, the engineer having gone back to working on the pack, but still not looking all too joyful, “maybe that time apart will give them a proper kick in the butt at last. And if not… closet.”

Patty snickered and nodded, making the researcher smirk as well; and then, they went back to their own work, checking on Holtzmann every now and then to make sure she’d eat and drink and get breaks, all three of them looking forward to the day Erin would come back, albeit for different reasons.

* * *

Holtzmann’s work always had been her safe place, the thing she could keep her mind busy with when she was in a bad or glum mood; and so, it was just logical for her to be working overtime, still at the lab hours after Abby and Patty had headed home.

This time though, her work didn’t help as much as it always had done before; she missed Erin much more than she had thought she would, she had been aware it would be unpleasant to be apart from the redhead for a week, but she hadn’t expected it to be  _ that _ bad.

_ Just today left _ , she reminded herself as she tried to focus on the repairs she was doing for Abby’s Proton Puncher,  _ Erin’s gonna be back tomorrow. Just today, you can do one more day, Holtz. Day is almost over, anyway, just the night left. _

She held back a sigh, putting her tools down to rub at her tired eyes - Erin’s absence not only had made her feel glum, but had made sleeping more difficult than usual, too - and just then she heard the door downstairs open, and froze, thoughts of burglars and thieves running wild in her mind.

Not quite sure if she should call 911 right away or not, Holtzmann grabbed the nearest heavy tool, her heart skipping a beat when she heard footsteps come up the stairs to her lab; and then, Erin came into view as she reached the top of said stairs, and all Holtzmann could do was stare.

“Erin”, she finally managed to say something, not all too eloquent; the physicist gave her a shy smile in response, her gaze never leaving the engineer’s as she walked over to the workbench.

“I, uh, I thought you’ll only come back tomorrow”, Holtzmann added, making the other woman shrug, her cheeks reddening slightly when she replied.

“That was the plan”, Erin let her know, still holding her gaze as she stopped in front of her, the sudden closeness making Holtzmann swallow heavily, “but… I texted Abby from the airport and she said you’re still here. And I’ve missed you.”

Her blush deepened at this admission, but she didn’t look away; she reached out and took tender hold of Holtzmann’s hand, making the engineer’s breath hitch, the reaction not unnoticed by Erin, a small smile curling her lips as she continued.

“I’ve missed Abby and Patty, too, and Kevin”, she let the engineer know, making her breathe noticeably heavier again when she ran her thumb over the back of Holtzmann’s hand, “but not as much as I’ve missed you. Being away from you for a week made me… realize a few things.”

“I want to kiss you”, Holtzmann blurted out in response, making it her turn to blush as she fully realized what she just had said; Erin didn’t let go of her hand though, and kept holding her gaze, still smiling as she squeezed her hand gently.

“I want to kiss you, too”, she let the engineer know, the bright and somewhat surprised smile she received making her heart soar, “in fact, I thought of kissing you each time some elder white man was rambling on and on at that congress. Which was quite often.”

Holtzmann let out a snort at this, making Erin’s smile widen - before she used the hold she still had on Holtzmann’s hand to pull her closer, her other hand coming up to cup her jaw seconds before she kissed her, unable to hold back a sigh when Holtzmann kissed her back at once.

As they kept kissing, Erin finally did let go of Holtzmann’s hand, but only to wrap both arms around her; and as she felt Holtzmann hug her back, her heart soared again.

For the first time since she had stepped off the plane, she truly felt as if she’d come home.


	123. Dressed to Impress: Return of the Tie

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is all GB2016_fan's fault XD Your comment was what inspired this one, so thank you ;D This is NSFW and smutty, proceed with care ;)

Erin could tell that Holtzmann had  _ something  _ in mind, just from the way the engineer was looking at her every now and then, with that certain glint in her eyes.

She had seen that glint before, after all, just the previous evening, when Holtzmann had been kneeling in front of her and had made her scream with her fingers and tongue.

Since they were at work though, Erin figured that whatever Holtzmann was planning wouldn’t happen until they’d be at a more private place, either her apartment or the engineer’s; and so, she gave her best to keep her focus on her work, and not on the things Holtzmann was making her feel on a daily basis ever since what she called “the fateful evening of the shirt and tie” and the first kiss they had shared back then.

And so, despite the tingling between her legs, she worked on the calculations Holtzmann needed for her newest idea, a sort of proton machine gun; and she made good progress, despite how her thoughts returned to the way Holtzmann had looked at her every now and then.

Keeping her mind away from said looks got considerably harder after the four of them had had lunch together, since Holtzmann had sent several smouldering glances her way while they had been eating; Erin reminded herself of the fact though that they were at work, and that such kinky thoughts should be kept to the privacy of their homes, still shifting on her seat every now and then as she continued working.

“Hey Erin”, Holtzmann’s voice distracted her from said work an hour after their lunch break, the engineer calling down through the hole through which the fireman’s pole led, “can you come up here a second? I want to show you something. Um… a new weapon.”

“Oh sure”, Erin gave back, coming to her feet; as she did, she remembered that Abby had worked on the calculations for several new weapons Holtzmann had made with her, and figured that her best friend might want to see the result, too, thus going to get her before they made their way to the upstairs lab together.

Only when they reached the top of the stairs, Erin realized that Holtzmann had been speaking metaphorically when she had mentioned a new weapon - because the engineer was standing right there in the middle of the lab, looking taken aback at Abby being there, as well.

It came as no surprise that Holtzmann reacted that way, considering she stood there naked - except for the tie which Erin had appreciated so much several weeks ago… and the strap-on, the toy impossible to miss.

“Eep!” Abby let out, her eyes going wide before she covered them with one hand; Erin could only stare, cheeks burning not just with embarrassment, while Holtzmann seemed relatively unperturbed after getting over the first shock of Abby being there, too.

“Sorry Abby”, she said, the researcher letting out another squeaky noise in reply, “I thought Erin would know what I’m talking about when I said I want to show her a new weapon.”

“How was I supposed to know?!” Erin defended herself, incredulous, “you’ve never pulled a stunt like this one before!”

“Am I glad to hear that”, Abby dryly said before Holtzmann could response, still covering her eyes, “especially if this means that you don’t get it on up here on a regular basis. And if you do that, don’t tell me now.”

Erin’s blush deepened in response, and that was all the answer Abby needed; she let out a sound of dismay, just in time for Patty to hear as she was coming up the stairs, eager to see what the other three were doing up at the lab. 

“Hey”, she said as she reached the top of the stairs, “what’s going… oh Hell no.”

Again, Holtzmann was unperturbed, just snickering, while Patty backed away, then turned and hurried back down the stairs; with an exasperated noise, Abby moved to follow her, while Erin remained where she was, face still flaming as she stared at the engineer.

“Well, that did not quite work out as I was hoping it would”, Holtzmann commented once the other two were out of earshot; Erin could only keep staring, the engineer giving her a somewhat wolfish smile as she walked closer to her, with an oddly predatory gate.

It should have looked ridiculous, Erin thought to herself as she watched her closely, a woman naked except for a tie and a strap-on walking towards her like this, it should have been funny or weird or at least quite odd.

It was none of those things, as the sudden need burning deep within her demonstrated.

“So”, the engineer said, stopping so close to Erin that their bodies almost touched, “you up for this anyway?”

“Abby and Patty”, Erin started, then realized how squeaky her voice sounded and fell silent, clearing her throat before she tried again, “Abby and Patty are right downstairs. They will know what we’re doing up here.”

“Yup”, Holtzmann nodded, unperturbed, the glint back in her eyes, “which means they won’t come up here. Not for quite a while.”

This wasn’t right, Erin told herself, not with Abby and Patty just one floor below them, not in this building and during work hours, it wasn’t professional and proper, and she always had taken pride in how professional and proper she was, even when she had become a Ghostbuster and had started dating Holtzmann.

While she was still thinking these thoughts, she already had grabbed Holtzmann by the tie - again - and pulled her closer to kiss her quite hungrily, a low moan coming from her as she felt the strap-on press against her belly.

“You know”, Holtzmann mumbled once she had pulled back from the kiss and had moved to kiss her way down Erin’s throat to her chest, “compared to me, you’re so overdressed.”

“You can change that”, Erin breathed, unable to keep the arousal out of her voice; Holtzmann didn’t need to be told twice, giving her a smirk full of mischief before she hurriedly unbuttoned the other woman’s blouse.

It wasn’t the first time Holtzmann undressed her like this, but when the engineer had done this before, it had been a slow and sensual thing, interrupted by kisses to the skin she was exposing; this time though, she clearly had no patience, and Erin couldn’t say that she minded much, only smiling innocently when her last bit of clothing was removed and Holtzmann ran one hand up her thigh, noticing quickly how wet her girlfriend was when she reached her destination.

The engineer raised an eyebrow, and Erin shrugged, unable to keep her cheeks from colouring again though; smirking, Holtzmann moved to kiss her again, and as she did, applied gentle pressure, guiding Erin through the lab until her back bumped into one of the workbenches.

One which, Erin realized, was conveniently empty in the middle, making enough room for her to lie down on it.

“I, um, I’ve never”, she started once they had pulled apart again for air - and possibly so Holtzmann could get her into the right position, “you know, with… one of… those.”

“I’ll be careful”, Holtzmann promised at once, making her smile a bit again, “and if it’s uncomfortable or hurts or you don’t like it, just say the word and I’ll stop. Alright?”

As an answer, Erin pulled her close for another kiss; and as they kissed deeply, and she wrapped both arms around the engineer to pull her back with her as she moved to lie on the workbench, she felt the engineer position herself, at the same time excited and nervous about this experience.

Holtzmann kept her promise though, making sure to be gentle, giving Erin ample time to get used to the feeling and to adjust; and once Erin had given a brief nod to reassure that she was okay, better than okay, in fact, the engineer started moving, slowly and controlled, soon earning low moans from her girlfriend, her embrace around Holtzmann tightening.

“Faster”, she brought out after a while, the tremble in her voice making the engineer smirk again; she was more than happy to fulfil that wish, kissing Erin again to muffle her increasing moans, figuring that even while Abby and Patty might know exactly what was going on at the lab in this very moment, there was no need for them to actually hear it.

It didn’t take long until her increase in speed had a visible and audible effect, and she sped up even further; and a short while later, Erin clung to her and moaned into her mouth, her nails digging into Holtzmann’s back as she came, the feeling combined with the sounds Erin was making sending pleasant shivers up and down Holtzmann’s spine.

Knowing better than to pull back at once, Holtzmann let her come down slowly instead, gradually slowing down her moves; only when Erin had stopped trembling and her hold on the engineer relaxed, she pulled back, the physicist letting out another moan at the sensations this caused.

“Oh wow”, she mumbled once she was capable of speaking again, earning a somewhat smug grin from her girlfriend in response, “that was… wow.”

“We can repeat this anytime you like, you know”, Holtzmann told her, grin only widening at the blissful look Erin gave her in response; and then, Erin pulled her close again for another kiss, once more making use of the tie to do so, a content sigh coming from her as they kissed slowly and gentle this time.

She really liked that tie.


	124. In the Middle of the Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is another one-shot set in the autistic!Holtzmann verse, shortly after Chapter 118 (Meltdown).

Erin had been with Holtzmann long enough to know about her sometimes unconventional sleeping habits, and so, it was no surprise for her to wake up in the middle of the night and find Holtzmann’s side of the bed empty; whenever this had happened before, she had listened for half a minute, had heard Holtzmann work in the lab and had gone back to sleep, knowing that the engineer would come back once whatever idea had forced her out of bed had been taken care of.

Thus, she didn’t think much of it when she woke up a few nights after Holtzmann had had a brief, but intense breakdown in the mayor’s office, not at first; only when she realized that the lab next door was quiet, she started to feel a bit of worry.

_ Maybe she just went to the bathroom _ , she thought to herself, rolling over to check, and the bit of worry grew when she saw that the adjoining bathroom was dark, no light visible through the gap between door and carpet.

Unable to ignore the nagging feeling that something was wrong, Erin got out of bed, her bare feet barely making any noise as she stepped out of the bedroom; moving as quietly as possible, not wanting to wake Abby and Patty, she moved down the hallway, only feeling more worried when she saw light from Holtzmann’s lab, but still couldn’t hear anything which indicated that the blonde was working there.

Not wanting to startle the blonde, she gave up on trying to walk quietly a s she entered the lab; instead of the bright overhead lights, Holtzmann was using one of the smaller lamps at one of the workbenches, but just sat there, looking somewhat forlorn as she toyed with a screwdriver, twisting and turning it in her hands as she stared into nothingness.

“Holtz?” Erin said softly, not quite sure if the engineer had heard her, glad when Holtzmann didn’t seem startled by her sudden appearance; this gladness didn’t last long though, as the younger woman glanced at her, and her heart clenched up painfully at the dejected look in Holtzmann’s eyes.

“Holtz, sweetheart”, Erin said, somewhat startled, not sure where this was coming from, “what is it? What’s wrong?”

Holtzmann shrugged, her gaze dropping back to the screwdriver; highly concerned now, Erin moved to her side, and placed one hand on her shoulder, keeping the touch light at first, and rubbing the engineer’s back when no negative reaction came to her touch.

“Can you tell me what’s wrong?” Erin asked after just rubbing her girlfriend’s back for a bit, eager to make her feel better, “if not, it’s okay too but… I want to help you, Holtz. So if you can…”

For a while, Holtzmann remained quiet, and Erin kept rubbing her back, knowing that she’d need time; and when Holtzmann finally did speak up, it made Erin’s heart clench up, and she wondered if she unknowingly had done something to cause these worries for her girlfriend.

“It’s gonna get too much”, Holtzmann mumbled, in the stilted tone Erin knew as a sign that she was uncomfortable, “for… for you. To be with me.”

“Holtz, no”, Erin gave back at once, shaking her head for emphasis, even though Holtzmann was still staring at the screwdriver and probably didn’t even see the gesture, “what makes you say that? Did I… do something or say something? To make you feel like that?”

“No”, Holtzmann mumbled, still not looking at her, “but… I just know. It’ll get too much. You’ll get annoyed with me, I know how I am, too weird, too many quirks, and then I have meltdowns and seizures and… and can’t talk sometimes and... “

“Sweetheart, no”, Erin said again, even though she knew that this might not be enough, “I love you, all of you. I’m not going to leave you.”

“People always do”, the engineer gave back, toying with the screwdriver again, still not able to look at the physicist, “after a while. It just gets too much, I try to be less… annoying but…”

“You’re not annoying”, Erin told her, moving slightly so she could put one arm around her and hold her close instead of rubbing her back some more, glad when Holtzmann reacted by leaning into her embrace, “and it’s not gonna get too much, I promise. I love you, and I want to be with you, no matter what, alright?”

She still feared that it wasn’t enough, that a simple declaration of love wouldn’t be enough to take away those fears and worries; and she wondered how long Holtzmann had been plagued by this thoughts already, how long she had kept them to herself until they had become too loud and vicious to ignore.

“I love you”, she said again, leaning in to tenderly kiss the top of the other woman’s head, “ _ all _ of you. I won’t leave you.”

Holtzmann let out a shuddery breath in response, then put the screwdriver down - before she turned on her seat and hugged the physicist, Erin pulling her close at once, rubbing her back soothingly once more, her heart clenching up when she felt the engineer tremble in her arms.

“I love you”, she said again, still worried it might not be enough, but not knowing what else she could say, “so much.”

“I love you too”, Holtzmann mumbled into her shoulder, “I don’t want to lose you… scare you away…”

“You won’t”, Erin reassured her once more, her heart aching as she wondered how often this had happened to the engineer before; Holtzmann just kept holding on to her in response, hiding her face against Erin’s shoulder and breathing in her scent as Erin kept rubbing her back, eager to make her feel better.

She hoped she had said the right things to make this better, and that her words had been enough. 


	125. Secret Revealed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is a direct sequel to chapter 124 (In the Middle of the Night), a bit happier than the previous angsty one :)

Even though Holtzmann clearly had taken Erin’s reassurances to heart at least a bit, she still was subdued during the days after their nightly talk, not quite her usual self; Erin tried her best to make her feel better, to take her doubts and fears away, but kept worrying that it wasn’t quite enough, and asking herself what she could do.

If it had been any other topic, she would have tried to get help from Abby and Patty; since she still had no idea if the two actually had been officially told about Holtzmann being on the spectrum, she figured that this wasn’t an option, not wanting to accidentally give this information away, knowing it was Holtzmann’s call to make and not hers.

She also worried that she might say or do the wrong thing, and make it worse instead of better; and so, Erin pondered and racked her brain for a solution… until she heard Holtzmann mention her mentor one afternoon, and perked up at once, figuring that Dr Gorin might be the one able to help her with this situation.

And so, she gathered all her courage one afternoon when Holtzmann was cooped up in her lab, and called Dr Gorin, even though she found the woman quite terrifying, telling herself that she could do this for Holtzmann.

Her courage almost left her when the elder woman talk the call with an impatient sounding “Gorin”, and she had to swallow heavily before she could respond, trying hard to keep her voice steady, not an easy feat with how intimidating she found the engineer’s mentor.

“Um, hi, hello”, she said, hating how small her voice sounded, and reminding herself that she was a professional and had a PhD, just like the woman on the other end of the line, “this is Dr Erin Gilbert, hello.”

“Is Jillian alright?” Dr Gorin asked immediately, prompting Erin to remember why they all had her number in the first place - so they could call her in case something happened to Holtzmann; she cleared her throat and reassured Dr Gorin that Holtz was fine, even though this wasn’t exactly true.

“The reason why I’m calling”, she said before the other woman could ask, “is… Well, Holtzmann had… sort of a breakdown, in the mayor’s office. She recovered quickly but… a few nights ago, I found her in her lab in the middle of the night, and when I asked her what’s wrong, she told me she’s afraid it’ll all get too much for me and that I’ll leave her. I’ve tried to tell her and to show her that won’t happen but… I feel it’s not enough, and I’m worried.”

“The fact that you call me about this and ask for help shows that Jillian shouldn’t worry”, Gorin gave back, and Erin realized what high praise this was from the reserved woman, feeling quite proud, “but I understand Jillian’s concerns, as well. She doesn’t speak much of it, but this has happened to her before.”

“She’s hinted at it, yeah”, Erin agreed, “no details, and I didn’t want to pry, but…”

“She hasn’t had it easy”, Gorin finished for her, with uncharacteristic warmth in her voice, “and while she usually doesn’t let this burden her, it does come back to the surface at times. While my relationship with her is quite different to yours, I too had to reassure her I wouldn’t kick her out on the street after she caused a small poof at the lab for the first time. It required patience, and several reassurances until she could believe me - so that is all the advice I can give you. Be patient, reassure her, be there for her. Show her she’s not alone.”

“Thank you”, Erin gave back, her mind picking up speed; she wished Dr Gorin a nice day before she ended the call, thoughtfully looking down at her desk afterwards.

Perhaps, she thought to herself, the vague idea which was starting to form in her mind had not been what Dr Gorin had had in mind when she had told Erin to show Holtzmann that she wasn’t alone; it still seemed like the right way to go, and she decided to give it a try as soon as possible, hoping she would get a chance quickly.

* * *

Holtzmann had been so focused on her work that she hadn’t even registered Abby and Patty going to bed; she knew that Erin was still awake, and probably downstairs, since the physicist hadn’t stopped at her lab to smooch her goodnight yet, but figured that Erin was busy with her own work.

So, she was quite surprised when her phone vibrated on her desk and she saw it was a text from Erin, frowning to herself as she wondered why Erin would text her when she was just one floor below her.

_ Er-Bear: Come downstairs for a minute? I want to show you something :* _

Curious, Holtzmann made sure that all of her projects were stable and in no danger of causing poofs, then made her way downstairs; the only light was the one at Erin’s desk, the physicist sitting at said desk and looking a bit nervous, the way her fingers fidgeted telling Holtzmann that she was quite far from relaxed.

“What is it?” Holtzmann wanted to know when the physicist didn’t say anything at first; in response, Erin took in a deep breath - before she pushed two small, orange tubes across the desk, then motioned at Holtzmann to take a look at them.

Holtzmann frowned for a moment, not quite sure where this was leading, then picked them both up and took a closer look at them; and as she read the labels, her eyes briefly widening, Erin feeling her face flush as she fought the urge to let her gaze drop down to the desk.

“Those are…”, Holtzmann started, and Erin shrugged, then nodded, needing a lot of willpower still to not look away; and it cost her even more to finish the sentence for the engineer, but she did it, voice soft as she spoke up.

“Medications for anxiety and depression, yes”, she confirmed, the surprise on Holtzmann’s face not helping much with making this easier, but still she forced herself to go on, “ _ my  _ medications.”

“I’ve never seen you take those”, Holtzmann said the first thing which came to her mind, feeling a bit dumb and wondering if she had been that blind or if Erin had kept this secret so well; before she could ask though, Erin shrugged again, then smiled a slightly bitter smile, and all at once, all Holtzmann wanted to do was to hug her at the sudden desolate look in her eyes.

“No one ever has”, she said, Holtzmann putting the little tubes back onto the desk so she could reach out and grasp one of the physicist’s hands, “not even Abby knows I take those. I know none of you would judge me for this, but… Well, old habits die hard, you know. And taking such medication openly at an esteemed institution like Columbia, especially if one wants tenure? Not possible.”

Holtzmann grimaced as she nodded, having had her share of run-ins with the stiff types which seemed to dominate at such institutions; Erin gave her a weak smile as she felt the younger woman squeeze her hand, then moved her other, free hand to cover Holtzmann’s, holding her gaze as she went on.

“You knew though that I’m not… perfectly fine, even before I showed you this now”, she said, making the blonde nod again, “you’ve been there when I’ve had panic attacks and through some of my darker days. And not once you’ve made me feel as if this makes you think less of me.”

“It would never!” Holtzmann protested at once, Erin’s smile widening in reply, the engineer realizing a second later where this was leading, not interrupting the physicist though.

“And I would never think less of you”, Erin let her know, running her thumb over the back of the other woman’s hand in a gentle caress, “no matter what.”

“I love you”, Holtzmann blurted out in response, earning a bright, happy smile this time, “and thank you for showing me this, I really appreciate it, and I know what you were doing… it means a lot and… and I love you.”

“I love you too”, Erin reassured her, getting up from her seat so she could lean over the desk and kiss the other woman; and as Holtzmann kissed her back, all the worries she had been carrying around ever since her meltdown in the mayor’s office vanished, and as she realized fully what Erin had done for her by sharing her secret, she felt her heart sore, all at once confident and happy again, feeling better than she had in days. 


	126. You Make Me Happy (When Skies Are Grey)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Based on this tumblr prompt: Could you do one where Holtzmann gets injured on a bust or something, and Erin sings 'You are my sunshine' while they wait for help etc

The first time Erin noticed Holtzmann’s newest lab decoration, said decoration startled her enough to almost make her drop her coffee.

One couldn’t blame her for being startled though, she thought to herself as she stood and stared, grasping the coffee mug still a bit tighter than perhaps necessary; after all, that newest item in the lab was singing “You are my Sunshine” at her, and quite loudly, too, and it had come pretty much out of nowhere when she had walked past.

It was a plastic sunflower, a closer look showed, complete with a smiling face and sunglasses; and it danced in the little flower pot, swaying left and right as the song blared from hidden speakers.

“Isn’t it awesome?” Holtzmann demanded to know from where she stood at one of her workbenches, smiling brightly, “I added a motion sensor so it’ll start singing whenever someone walks by!”

“It’s very cute”, Erin agreed, smiling at Holtzmann’s unabashed glee, thinking to herself how she’d never grow tired of this, “but sweetheart, it startled me, too, are you sure this is a good idea in a lab filled with things which might go poof?”

“Ah it’s gonna be fine”, Holtzmann gave back at once, “plus, I love this song, I want to hear it as often as possible, and with how much I walk around in this lab…”

“If you say it’s safe”, Erin shrugged, earning another bright smile from the engineer; and as she smiled back, and leaned in for a brief kiss, she thought about how much more easy-going she had become, how Holtzmann was helping her every day to be less uptight and more accepting of herself, simply by being with her.

“Bet you five bucks that Abby is gonna be more startled than Patty”, Holtzmann said once they had pulled apart again, with a hint of mischief in her eyes; snickering, Erin told her she refused that bet, because she knew Abby and knew Holtzmann would win, for once not swayed by how Holtzmann pouted at her in response.

“Ladies!” Abby called from downstairs, before the engineer could try to convince Erin of taking the bet after all, “bust! Suit up!”

“Oooh”, Holtzmann let out joyfully, bouncing past the sunflower, grin only widening when it started to sing again; smiling at her enthusiasm, Erin made her way to the stairs while Holtzmann slid down the pole, the sunflower still singing as if to see them off, both of them blissfully unaware of what would happen not even an hour later.

* * *

 

“Damn, that ghost is harder to catch than I thought it would be”, Abby panted as she hid behind an overturned heavy oak desk, flinching when a large vase shattered against said desk, and cursing the fact that they had to bust this ghost in an old mansion filled with large objects it could throw.

“Agreed”, Erin said, peering past the shelf she was using for cover, only to pull back quickly as the ghost threw a heavy cast-iron cooking pot at her; there was a loud clang as the object missed her and hit the shelf, then another when it fell to the floor, the physicist grimacing at the noise.

“Well, we can’t just keep hiding and hope it’ll run out of ammo”, Holtzmann pointed out, crouching low next to Erin; immediately, the physicist gave her a strict look, knowing that such words often were a prelude to Holtzmann doing something reckless, and once again, this assumption turned out to be correct.

“Cover me”, Holtzmann said, already reaching for one of the grenades, “I’ll try to stun it with a medium poof.”

“Be careful”, Erin told her, knowing better at this point than trying to stop her, and all too aware that Holtzmann was right; the engineer gave a brief nod, thumb moving to the button which would active the grenade before she shot out of their cover.

She zig-zagged to avoid getting hit by the proton streams as the other three Ghostbusters fired, then tossed the grenade; Erin ducked her head again a second before it hit the ground and detonated, hearing the oddly cough-like noise it produced as it blew up, the bright proton flash forcing her to momentarily squeeze her eyes shut.

There was an audible pained howl from the ghost, followed by splattering noises, a clear sign that the ghost had been hurt or possibly even destroyed; and as only silence followed, Erin quickly figured that the ghost was gone, and started to feel relief… until she heard the soft groan from Holtzmann, and came to her feet within the blink of an eye.

“Holtz?!” She couldn’t keep the worry out of her voice, and her heart leapt up to her throat as she spotted the engineer; Holtzmann laid on the ground a few feet away, curled up and clearly in pain, and a second later, Erin saw the blood spreading on her coveralls.

“Holtz!” All caution was forgotten as she rushed to the engineer’s side, and it was fortunate that the ghost indeed had been blasted to bits by the grenade, as the puddles of slime on the floor showed; Erin stepped over and around them without even fully noticing, kneeling down next to Holtzmann moments later, her heart racing in her chest as she tried to figure out how badly her girlfriend was hurt.

She could hear Abby and Patty run over, as well, but didn’t look at them, fully focused on Holtzmann; the ghost had gotten quite the hit in, Erin could quickly tell, a long gash across Holtzmann’s ribcage, an unsettling amount of blood pouring from the wound and at this point forming a steadily growing puddle beneath the engineer.

“Holtz”, Erin said again, dimly taking note of Abby calling an ambulance, but keeping her focus on Holtzmann, knowing she had to keep her awake, “Holtz, look at me. Can you hear me?”

Holtzmann let out a pained groan in response, and from how fast her breath was going, Erin could tell that she was close to hyperventilating; her own heart picked up speed again as she tried to figure out what to do, knowing she had to do whatever she could to keep Holtzmann calm and from passing out.

“Holtz”, she said again, not daring to move her, placing one hand on her back instead, while Patty knelt down next to her and ripped off the sleeve of her jumpsuit to press it on the wound, in an attempt to staunch the bleeding, “stay with us, alright? With me? Abby’s called help already, they’re gonna be here any minute…”

“We have to keep her calm”, Patty said, both women feeling bad at the pained groan which came from Holtzmann when the historian applied pressure to the wound, “until the ambulance arrives…”

Erin nodded, mind racing as she tried to figure out what to say or to do; and all at once, as Holtzmann groaned again and while Patty kept pushing the piece of fabric onto the wound, the answer came to her, a sudden knowledge of how to handle this, similar to how she often just  _ knew _ how to solve difficult equations.

On any other day, in any other situation, she would have been nervous and anxious to do this in front of others; in this very moment though, she couldn’t have cared less, just eager to keep Holtzmann calm and from passing out.

And so, she took in a deep, controlled breath and, making sure to keep her hand on the engineer’s back to reassure her she was there, she started to sing, low and halting at first, then with more confidence when Holtzmann’s breathing almost immediately started to calm.

“You are my sunshine, my only sunshine”, the physicist sang, rubbing soothing circles on the younger woman’s back, “you make me happy… when skies are grey… you never know dear… how much I love you…”

“So please don’t take my sunshine away”, Patty finished with her; and even though she still was in pain, Holtzmann managed a weak smile, focusing fully on the two women singing as they started over together.

Abby came back to tell them the ambulance would be here as fast as possible, didn’t speak up though when she realized what was going on; instead of interrupting, she joined in as well, and the three of them sang for Holtzmann until the ambulance arrived.

“I’ll ride with you”, Erin reassured her as the ambulance men readied the stretcher, still keeping her hand on the other woman’s back; and even though Holtzmann was still in pain, and scared, she managed another smile, just glad that she wasn’t alone.

Certainly, she told herself, she’d be okay, if only so Erin’s sunshine wouldn’t be taken away.


	127. Valenties

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Best Half and I don't celebrate V-Day, but that won't stop me from writing some Holtzbert smut ;) Enjoy, everyone - this one's NSFW.

Holtzmann could tell that Erin was angry at her, and she couldn’t even blame her. 

 

She would be angry, too, had the roles been reversed, she admitted to herself as she pulled off her jumpsuit and hung the proton pack up on the wall hook; if Erin had been as reckless as she had acted during the bust, she would be  _ fuming _ , and she would certainly bring it up sooner or later.

 

The thought of Erin bringing up how she had acted and letting all that anger out made her swallow heavily, but she knew that it had to be dealt with, sooner or later.

 

She just hoped that Erin would wait until they were at her apartment, or that at least, she’d wait until Abby and Patty had left the firehouse, so she wouldn’t get scolded right in front of them.

 

Clearly though, to Holtzmann’s relief, Erin was willing to at least give her that, not saying a word about how she had behaved during the bust while all four of them were still there; the air was thick with tension though, and so, Holtzmann wasn’t very surprised when Abby and Patty announced they would go home soon fairly quickly after the bust, dragging Kevin along when they left.

 

Steeling herself for the scolding, Holtzmann kept her gaze focused on Patty’s proton pack, which had taken a minor bit of damage during the bust; she had a few more minutes to do so, then Erin cleared her throat behind her, and she took in a deep breath before she looked up, giving her best to look angelic and innocent when she said “Yes, sweetheart?”.

 

“Nice try”, Erin dryly replied, raising an eyebrow when Holtzmann gave her another all too innocent smile, “but that won’t get you out of the trouble you’re in, Holtz.”

 

It was a good sign, Holtzmann knew, that Erin had called her  _ Holtz _ , despite her clear annoyance with her;  _ Holtzmann _ would have been not so good, Erin often used her full last name when she wasn’t mad at her, but had a certain way of saying it when she was unhappy with her - not that Holtzmann had heard that particular tone often, with their relationship going very well - and  _ Jillian _ would have been the worst, Erin only using her first name when she was highly worried or highly angry.

 

“I thought about this while Abby and Patty were still here”, Erin went on, “about how you acted. Especially after how we all have told you to be not so reckless. Clearly though, words are not enough.”

 

“Um”, Holtzmann let out, not quite sure if she knew where this was leading; Erin gave her an oddly predatory smile, and the engineer gulped, suddenly realizing that she might be in bigger trouble than she had thought.

 

“So I decided I had to take a different approach”, Erin said, confirming these suspicions when she reached into her pocket and brought out a tie Holtzmann knew very well, having worn it - and  _ just  _ it - for a few occasions before, “one for which I am gonna be reckless. And one which doesn’t involve many words.”

 

She walked over to Holtzmann, the engineer watching her with her mouth drying up, her movements as predatory as her smile had been; and she just let it happen that Erin took hold of her shoulder and made her turn around, the physicist’s voice deceptively soft when she said just a few words, just a few, but enough to make her mouth go dry at once.

 

“Hands behind your back”, Erin said, and Holtzmann complied at once; they had done this before, on a few rare occasions, but the mood didn’t strike Erin often, making these rare treats which had to be enjoyed to the fullest. 

 

“As I said”, Erin continued while she used the tie to bind Holtzmann’s hands behind her back, “apparently, words are not enough, so I thought of something else. Something which also fits the date.”

 

This made Holtzmann nervous again, her mind racing as she tried to figure out if she had forgotten some kind of special date, an anniversary, or Erin’s birthday; nothing came to mind though, but before she could ask, Erin finished by pulling on the elaborate knot she had made - Holtzmann had been quite astonished at how good Erin was at tying knots - and her throat dried up too much to let her speak.

 

“Turn back around”, Erin ordered once she had taken a critical look at her handiwork and deemed it sufficient; Holtzmann did as she had been told, breathing heavier already, obeying at once when Erin told her to sit down on her workbench. 

 

Clearly, once this command had been given and obeyed, Erin decided that no more words were needed, as she remained silent when she started unbuttoning Holtzmann’s shirt; the engineer was quite glad she had a worn a shirt which made that possible, remembering well how she’d  been in a regular t-shirt one time that mood had struck Erin, and how the physicist had made short work of it by simply ripping it open.

 

The shirt fell open, exposing Holtzmann’s upper body to Erin’s by now quite heated gaze; the redhead took a moment to hold her girlfriend’s gaze, then pushed her bra up, not wasting another second as she bent down a heartbeat later and took one of Holtzmann’s nipples into her mouth, holding back a smirk when the engineer groaned in response.

 

She took her time, knowing how sensitive Holtzmann was at this certain area, sucking and swirling her tongue skillfully; and soon, Holtzmann was practically panting, and if her hands hadn’t been bound behind her back, she would have either clung to the workbench - or to Erin herself, another groan coming from her when the physicist decided that her one breast had been given enough attention and moved on to the other.

 

As she did her magic there, her hand slid between Holtzmann’s legs, eliciting another groan, even though there was barely any contact yet; this only spurred Erin on further, and she moved up to silence Holtzmann with a passionate kiss, simultaneously moving her hands to open her belt, then the button of her pants.

 

Apparently, she still didn’t feel as if speaking was necessary, kissing Holtzmann again instead of saying anything while she slid her hand inside the younger woman’s pants; her mouth on Holtzmann’s muffled her moan when Erin found one of her most sensitive spots with ease, by now knowing her quite well, and started to move her finger in slow circles, feeling the blonde shudder at her touch.

 

Still Erin didn’t say anything, pulled back from the kiss though to give Holtzmann a chance to stop it, should she want to; clearly though, Holtzmann had very different desires, trying to push her hips forward to increase the friction, prompting Erin to raise an eyebrow. 

 

“Sit still”, she then said, the strict tone only making Holtzmann’s arousal grow, “or I’ll stop.”

 

“Nooo”, Holtzmann whined at once, Erin holding back a smile at her tone, “don’t stop. Please? I’ll be good and quiet, I promise.”

 

“You better”, Erin gave back, now having to struggle a bit to keep the strict tone; she pressed down lightly, and Holtzmann bit her lip as she fought to not grind against her hand, forcing her to hold back another smile.

 

“Good”, she mumbled some encouragement as Holtzmann let out a low groan, held perfectly still though, even when she increased the pressure, “very good.”

 

She sped her movements up a bit, and Holtzmann groaned louder, the muscle in her arms flexing visibly as she strained against her bonds; Erin had made the knot well though, and the engineer couldn’t break free, at her girlfriend’s mercy as all she could do when Erin sped up further was to grit her teeth and moan.

 

“Very good”, Erin kept encouraging her, keeping a close eye on her, knowing what to look for… and so, she knew just when to stop, abruptly pulling her hand back a second before Holtzmann would come.

 

All the engineer could do was gape at her, her mouth hanging open almost comically; smiling innocently, Erin pulled a tissue from her pocket and made sure to thoroughly wipe her fingers - before she went to her desk and sat down, humming softly to herself as she opened and started her laptop.

 

“...Erin?” Holtzmann finally said, when it didn’t seem as if Erin was just teasing and would come back to finish what she had started anytime soon, “what are you doing?”

 

“I’m working”, Erin replied, all innocence, even glancing up from said work to give her an angelic smile; Holtzmann gaped at her again, then shifted a bit, suddenly acutely aware of her situation - here she was, hands tied behind her back, with her own tie no less, her pants having slid down to pool around her ankles at some point during Erin touching her, her shirt hanging open.

 

She swallowed heavily, realizing that  _ this  _ was Erin punishing her for how reckless she had been; giving her best to look pitiful, Holtzmann shifted on the workbench, unable to keep the whine out of her voice when she spoke up again.

 

“Eriiin”, she said, pouting when Erin looked up at her again, knowing her pout was one of Erin’s weaknesses, “don’t just leave me here like this. Please? I’m all… tense now.”

 

“Are you”, Erin gave back, raising an eyebrow as she came to her feet again; Holtzmann watched how Erin walked back over to her, with that predatory gait again, and gulped, suddenly not quite sure that speaking up had been the best idea.

 

“Let me guess”, Erin continued, stopping in front of her and placing both hands on her thighs, “your heart is beating fast. It’s a bit hard to breathe. There’s a lot of tension in your shoulders.”

 

“Well yes, cause my hands are tied behind me and you made the knot kinda firm”, Holtzmann spoke without thinking, only to realize that she perhaps just should have said Yes at the  _ look  _ Erin gave her.

 

“You know”, Erin said, lightly trailing the tips of her fingers over Holtzmann’s bare thigh and making her shudder, “now you know  _ exactly  _ how I felt when you acted so reckless again and I had to be frightened the ghost might hurt you. Are you seeing my point now?”

 

“Yes, yes, I do”, Holtzmann hurriedly agreed, shifting again, “no more reckless Holtz again ever, I promise. Just… Let me finish. Please?”

 

“Let you finish?” Erin repeated, raising an eyebrow again, her hands still resting on the younger woman’s legs, “I’m not sure that is the correct terminology, Doctor Holtzmann.”

 

“Let me come”, Holtzmann said at once, with another pitiful look, “I’ll be less reckless, I promise.”

 

“For a while?” Erin still didn’t do her the favour of giving her any release; Holtzmann had the grace to look bashful, but finally, the physicist took pity on her girlfriend, knowing that recklessness was in Holtzmann’s nature and, in the end, not truly wanting her to change, not even if this meant that she would endanger herself every now and then.

 

“Alright”, she thus said, and Holtzmann let out such a heartfelt sigh that it almost made her giggle, “I guess you learned your lesson. For now.”

 

She gave Holtzmann another smile, then slid her hand inside the engineer’s boxers again; and since Holtzmann was still highly worked up, it only took a few tender rubs, then Holtzmann threw her head back and let out a surprisingly loud groan through grit teeth, her whole body trembling as she came.

 

Moving her other arm to embrace the engineer, Erin held her close, and rubbed her back as she let her come down slowly; and then, she kissed her deeply, at the same time sliding her hand down to her bound wrists, undoing the knot with quick, skillful fingers, Holtzmann sighing into her mouth once her hands were freed again.

 

“That”, Holtzmann mumbled after the kiss, returning the embrace now that she could while Erin pulled her hand back, “was amazing. A bit mean, too, when you just walked away, but still amazing.”

 

“I’m glad you liked it”, Erin gave back, smiling a much kinder smile at her now; and as she spoke on, Holtzmann realized what she had meant when she had mentioned the date, feeling a bit dumb for having missed this so completely, but then, she never had cared much about that certain date before Erin.

 

“Happy Valentine’s Day”, Erin said, leaning in for another kiss, only to pause, a thoughtful look appearing on her face, her next words making Holtzmann laugh as she had to admit that it was a good pun.

 

“Even though”, Erin said thoughtfully, “perhaps,  _ Valenties  _ is much more appropiate.”

 

“Agreed”, Holtzmann said with another chuckle, then pulled her close for another kiss, Erin kissing her back at once, her ire at Holtzmann’s recklessness fading, and forgotten fully a short while later when Holtzmann’s hand slid between her legs.


	128. Hide and Seek

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Inspired by a talk with aloc (googoogojob on tumblr, check out her awesome art :D) about Holtzmann regularly burning her tongue because she's impatient about food XD That's what came from this conversation :D

“Eeeeeerin”, Holtzmann called from the firehouse’s second floor, “can you come up here for a second? I need your help with some math!”

“There in a minute!” Erin called back, making sure to _not_ look at Abby and Patty for their reaction; neither of them made any comment though, and so she figured that they weren’t suspicious, holding back the urge to say something possibly awkward as she got up from her seat.

“I managed to not laugh awkwardly this time”, she proudly told Holtzmann the moment she stood next to the engineer, “I’m getting better at this. But I promise it won’t be necessary for too long to hide it…”

“No worries cupcake”, Holtzmann said, earning a grateful smile - they hadn’t been together for long, and Erin wasn’t quite ready to make it official yet, the ease with which Holtzmann accepted this quite the relief for her, “as long as I regularly get my Erin-time, it’s all good.”

Erin blushed a bit and smiled, then pulled her close for a kiss; it deepened fairly quickly, her embrace around Holtzmann tightening as her lips parted for the engineer.

The kiss went on for quite some time, until they both were breathless, Erin’s heart racing in her chest when she pulled back at last; her cheeks were flushed, but not from anxiety and embarrassment this time, the glint in Holtzmann’s eyes showing that she was quite aware of the reason for Erin’s red cheeks.

“Holtzy, Erin!” Patty called out to them from the bottom of the stairs, “lunch is here!”

“Coming!” Holtzmann called back, with a wink at Erin which made the physicist’s blush deepen; clearing her throat, Erin tried to think unsexy thoughts as they made their way downstairs, Abby already having moved their food from the delivery bags to the dinner table.

“Yum yum, thai curry”, Holtzmann sing-songed as she dropped down onto her seat, rubbing her hands, “my favourite kind of curry.”

Abby raised an eyebrow as, instead of immediately shovelling food into her mouth and then complaining about a burned tongue, Holtzmann took the time to blew onto the forkful of meat, rice and sauce; this was such odd behaviour for the engineer that Patty noticed, too, but it was Abby who commented on it, while Kevin came wandering over, coming from God knew where as he hadn’t been at his desk for quite a while.

“This is new”, Abby said, gesturing at the very not impatient way Holtzmann was eating her food, “did you finally learn? After burning your tongue every single day ever since I’ve started working with you?”

“Uh-huh”, Holtzmann let out, her mouth once again faster than her brain as she continued, “I have to take care of my tongue now, you know.”

Erin choked noisily on her own food, prompting Patty to pat her back in concern, while Holtzmann belatedly realized what she had said, her eyes briefly widening.

“Oh yes”, Kevin chose that moment to chime in, smiling in perfect innocence and even a bit dopily, “so it won’t hurt when you kiss Erin, right?”

“WHAT!” Abby and Patty cried in perfect unison, while Erin looked as if she was hoping the ground would open up and swallow her; Holtzmann could only stammer, and Kevin started to look concerned at their reactions, scratching the back of his head sheepishly.

“Oh, was that supposed to be a secret?” he wanted to know, looking from Erin to Holtzmann and back at the redhead, “I thought everyone knows because you were smooching up in the lab.”

“Ahahaha”, Erin let out an obviously fake laugh, “you must have been dreaming that or something Kevin, Holtzmann and I did not make out in the lab.”

“I did not dream it”, Kevin replied, sounding indignant now, “I was not naked like I often am in my dreams. I was practising for hide and seek and saw you!”

Abby and Patty looked at the two, again with perfect synchronicity, which was a bit creepy; Erin flushed, and cursed her tendency to have her cheeks redden whenever something remotely embarrassing happened, knowing that for Abby, her blush was as much of an answer as a simple nod would have been.

“Okay, alright, fine”, she sighed, Holtzmann giving her a surprised look, somewhat having expected her to keep denying it, “yes, it’s true. We’re dating.”

“Oh my God finally”, Patty said with a roll of her eyes, “about damn time. I knew it, by the way, the second Kevin talked about being naked and you didn’t even blink.”

“I was _not_ naked, I told you”, Kevin insisted, Patty just shaking her head and telling him that it was okay; he still looked a bit pouty, but apparently was satisfied, wandering off without another word, Erin fighting the urge to facepalm at his behaviour.

“I can’t believe we didn’t notice him”, she then said to Holtzmann, while Abby and Patty beamed at both of them, clearly happy for them, “he’s so big and bulky, how could we miss him?!”

“Well”, Holtzmann gave back, smiling as she slipped one arm around Erin’s waist, her smile widening when Erin leaned into the embrace at once, both Abby and Patty letting out an “Awwww” sound at the sight, “I’m not that surprised, actually.”

She paused for dramatic effect, giving Erin a chance to raise an eyebrow questioningly; and as she spoke on, the other three laughed, having to admit that she was making a good point.

“He is good at hide and seek”, the engineer said, grinning; Erin shook her head, then leaned in to quickly, but gently kiss her on the cheek, cooing at the adoring sounds Abby and Patty let out, suddenly not knowing anymore why she had wanted to keep their relationship from the two.


	129. Up on the Roof

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Based on an amazing piece of art by googogojob (tumblr link will follow at some point) - posted here with her permission :) Angst, then fluff XD

Whenever Holtzmann felt sad, overwhelmed or any other kind of negative emotion, she went up to the roof for some peace and quiet.   
  
Sometimes, she’d take snacks along, Pringles or some other unhealthy, crispy variation; and when it was really bad, she brought a bottle of beer or something harder, despite knowing how unhealthy this was.

Part of her knew that just going to the roof to drink and mope wasn’t the best coping mechanism; and perhaps, she thought to herself, she should consider talking to someone about her pain instead of hiding up on the roof with a bottle of vodka, she had friends now after all, friends and a kind of family.

The thought of speaking to someone about her troubles made her insides clench though, and not in a good way, not in the good way she felt whenever Erin smiled at her or their hands briefly touched whenever she handed something to the physicist or vice versa; and so, instead of talking to someone, she went to the roof with her bottle, and hid in her favourite dark corner there, where nobody would see her if they should happen to come up there.

The vodka burned in her throat as she took a gulp of it, enough to make her eyes tear up; not letting this stop her though, she took another, slightly smaller sip, then wiped her eyes, knowing that the tears stinging in them hadn’t been caused by just the alcohol.   
  
It was getting harder and harder, she thought to herself, to keep her feelings for Erin at bay, with each day that went by; she’d had crushes on straight women before, more than she could be bothered to count, but they always had faded after a while, pushed aside by her need to learn and build and create.

She had been sure that this would happen with Erin, too, that she’d get over these feelings after a while; instead though, they kept growing, were out of control, fuelled by the moments Erin laughed at one of her jokes or blushed at a compliment or smiled at her and told her how impressed she was whenever she demonstrated new gear.

Perhaps, Holtzmann thought to herself as she took another gulp from the bottle, it would help to stop flirting with Erin every chance she got, but she couldn’t stop herself from doing so, just like she couldn’t stop herself from dancing to certain songs or from causing small to medium poofs.

She wiped at her eyes again, cursing herself for her tendency to fall in love with straight women, and for her inability to get over these feelings for Erin; she wasn’t even sure said feelings could still be classified as a simple crush, but she knew she had to get them under control at last, before Erin would find out that her flirting and dancing and trying to impress her wasn’t just for fun, and would be freaked out or worse.

The last thing Holtzmann wanted, after all, was to lose her friends, her family again, due to her inability to get her feelings under control. 

She sighed as she took another sip from her bottle, already feeling the pleasant tingling her fingers and toes which always were the first sign that the alcohol was having an effect on her; she remembered how Abby had teased her one time about this, had told her how weird it was, and managed a smile, then sighed to herself, feeling forlorn and lost as she looked over the nightly skyline.

She wondered what Abby would say if she’d tell her about the tingles Erin made her feel, the one which started in her tummy and then spread to her heart, if she’d tease her about those, too… or if she’d shoot her down, tell her that Erin was straight as a board and that she didn’t have a snowball’s chance in Hell to actually be with her.

Not that she thought she had many chances, anyway, she bitterly thought to herself, with another hearty gulp, all too aware of how weird she was, how bad she could be when it came to social situations and interactions; she was hiding her insecurities and troubles well, behind a carefully constructed facade of brash behaviour, dancing with blowtorches and jokes, but anyone who got to know her a bit better sooner or later saw through these defense mechanisms and saw what a weirdo she was, and most people sooner or later got sick of that.

It was a miracle, she pondered, that Abby had stuck around for so long, and now Erin and Patty, too; she still worried that the latter two would get sick of her after all, and threaten to leave or demand that she’d be kicked out, claim that she was a walking safety hazard and not fit to work with dangerous equipment like the Ghostbusters used.

The sound of the door leading up to the roof opening distracted her from these dark thoughts, and she froze, until she reminded herself that she couldn’t be seen in her little hiding spot; she had a second to wonder who was coming up there, then heard approaching footsteps, more than one pair, and frowned to herself, asking herself if she wasn’t the only one who came up here for some privacy.

“...really difficult”, she heard Erin say as the footsteps got closer, the physicist sounding as dismayed as Holtzmann herself was feeling, “thank you for coming up here with me Abby, I wouldn’t mind Patty hearing, but…”

She trailed off, and Abby let out some vaguely agreeing noise, while Holtzmann sat perfectly still; she wondered if she should let them know that she was here, because apparently, they were gonna discuss something private and difficult for Erin, and she wasn’t quite sure she was allowed to hear it.

“I’ve never felt this way, for… you know”, Erin said, both Abby and her stopping rather close to where Holtzmann was sitting, both of them perfectly unaware that she was there, “and… I don’t know, I just don’t want to ruin things.”

There was some shuffling and shifting as they sat down, and Holtzmann barely dared to breathe at this point, suddenly irrationally afraid of being found; she didn’t move a muscle while Erin and Abby got as comfortable as it was possible, up here with no chairs or benches, then Erin spoke up again, still sounding so dismayed, her tone and her words making Holtzmann’s heart clench up.

“It’s just so much, you know”, Erin said, “first all of these big changes, getting fired, the Ghostbusters, proving that ghosts are real… I’d had my whole life planned out, yes, Abby, you don’t have to tell me, I wouldn’t have been happy if things had gone as planned, and I’m happy now. But I’m also worried, and I don’t know what to do with these feelings, all of these changes and now I fall in love, too?”

If Holtzmann hadn’t been trying so hard to be quiet, she would have gasped, or maybe even yelped, because hearing Erin say this felt like having someone stab her in the heart. 

_ Erin’s in love, Erin’s in love, Erin’s in love _ , her brain repeated over and over again, as if to drive the point home,  _ she’s in love with someone, now you truly have no chance anymore, she’ll get that guy and be happy and you’ll be all alone… _

“I get that”, Abby was saying, Holtzmann barely hearing her though over the clamour of her own mind, “believe me Erin, I do. But I’m telling you, it won’t ruin anything. Just say something.”

“Oh yes, of course”, Erin replied, the sarcasm in her voice appreciated by Holtzmann despite her pain, “I’ll just walk up to her and be like, Hey, Holtz, I got the biggest crush on you, want to go on a date?”

Holtzmann dropped her bottle and it shattered, both Erin and Abby jumping what felt like three feet in the air at the unexpected noise.

“Crap”, Holtzmann swore before she could stop herself, and Erin actually squeaked, mortified as she realized how close to them Holtzmann had been the whole time; Abby gaped for about a second, then made a rather lame excuse and beat a hasty retreat, while Holtzmann came out of her hiding place, feeling as terrified as Erin was looking.

“You heard”, Erin said somewhat flatly, suddenly finding it hard to look the engineer in the eye, “all of it…?”

“Um”, Holtzmann let out, not all too eloquent, “kinda… sorta? Yes. Um…”

“Oh God”, Erin squeaked, hiding her face in her hands, “I’m so embarrassed. And I’m sorry, I didn’t want you to find out like this, I didn’t want you to find out at all, now things are gonna be weird, I’m sorry…”

“Erin”, Holtzmann finally managed to get in a word, feeling her cheeks heat up, and not just from the alcohol - in fact, she was amazed to realize, the tingling was gone, the scare apparently having sobered her up, “I, um… I’m glad I found out… It’s not weird…”

She realized that she had to sound like an incoherent fool, but at least, it seemed to have some sort of effect, since Erin finally dared to look at her again; she still appeared embarrassed, but not so terrified anymore, cheeks flaming though as she swallowed heavily.

“I come up here”, Holtzmann said, more to break the silence than to really explain, “when I feel… sad. Or overwhelmed. Or anything which is not happy joyful Holtzmann. And when I’m really sad I bring a drink, which is now dripping down to the sidewalk cause that was the bottle I dropped when you said… that. And I was sad because… because I’m so in love with you and I thought you’d never love me back and I couldn’t get over it even though I thought that and…”

She could see the moment Erin steeled herself, and had a second to wonder what was going to happen - before Erin took two fast steps closer to her, wrapped both arms around her, and kissed her.

Holtzmann kissed her back at once, and returned the embrace, struggling to hold back a moan when the kiss deepened; and when they pulled apart again, Erin’s eyes were sparkling, she was breathing heavily and smiling, and it was the most beautiful sight Holtzmann had ever seen.

“Hey Holtz”, Erin said, earning an incoherent questioning noise from the engineer, “I got the biggest crush on you. Want to go on a date?”

Holtz could only nod, too happy and awestruck to speak; Erin smiled and pulled her in for another kiss, and suddenly, Holtzmann was sure that this had been her last trip to the roof for quite some time. 


	130. Quite the Pair

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Based on a tumblr conversation I had with aloc about a certain joke Holtzmann makes and Erin's reaction ;) Mostly fluff - enjoy :D

“I built this based on the subway field test”, Holtzmann said, Abby and Erin moving closer to see what she was talking about - not that they had to move far in the limited space above the restaurant, “the one where you almost died, Erin, remember?”

“I remember”, Erin gave back, unable to keep the flash of hurt from showing through her features at how carelessly Holtzmann had said those words; the engineer beamed at her, and that only made the hurt worse, as she wondered why the blonde would find her near death experience funny. 

She swallowed heavily, her face perfectly neutral despite her inner turmoil - years of living with a nasty voice in her head which made her question and overthink  _ everything _ had taught her how to keep a perfect poker face, and neither Abby nor Holtzmann noticed that the words had cut deep.

Somehow, she managed to listen to what Holtzmann was saying, having to admit that it was impressive work; the engineer beamed at her at her praise, as if she hadn’t just made light-hearted comments about her possible demise, then reassured Abby and her that she’d soon have a prototype ready, Abby clapping her on the back in response and telling her she was sure it would all work out. 

Erin let out a vaguely agreeing noise, then felt a bit lost as Abby wandered off to get some work of her own done and Holtzmann focused on the prototype again; she stood there for a few seconds, not quite sure what to do, before she went to her own desk, figuring that she might as well try to keep busy.

She worked on her equations and numbers for a while, glancing up every now and then when something clanged at Holtzmann’s workbench; she found herself wondering if she’d ever get used to this new level of noise, finding herself getting annoyed by the continued clangs and bangs.

Still she kept quiet, not wanting to snap at the engineer; after a while, Abby reappeared to let them know she would get lunch, and asked them what they wanted, then headed off again, and it was just Holtzmann and Erin at the lab, the engineer swaying her hips to the music she’d put on as she worked.

“Hey Erin”, she tore the physicist out of her own work a few minutes later, Erin giving her a questioning look, “can you come over here a second and help me with this?”

“Um, sure?” Erin gave back, putting her pen down and making her way to the workbench; Holtzmann showed her what she had to hold where, her tongue poking out between her lips almost comically as she worked slowly and carefully, clearly not wanting to slip with her tool and accidentally hurt Erin’s fingers.

She was fully focused on her work, and so, she didn’t notice the way Erin swallowed heavily at standing so close to her; Holtzmann was so close to her that Erin could  _ smell _ her, a curious mixture of cinnamon and something burned, and when the engineer moved her hand, her fingers brushed Erin’s, sending tingles up and down her spine.

“Gotta be careful with that”, Holtzmann said, and for a second, Erin was sure that the engineer had noticed how attracted she’d been to her from the very first second on and was talking about that, feeling her cheeks flush rapidly, only to realize that Holtzmann was talking about something completely different when she continued, “so this baby doesn’t blow up in our hands. Or on our backs. Wouldn’t want to cause grievous bodily harm to any of us.”

“Would be a great opportunity for more tasteless jokes though”, Erin said before she could stop herself, Holtzmann’s hands stilling as she looked up at her in confusion, “since you seem to find my near death experience so funny."

“Eh?” Holtzmann let out not all too eloquent, pulling her hands back fully from the prototype; this prompted Erin to let go as well, and she crossed her arms over her chest, the confusion on Holtzmann’s face not stopping her from lashing out further.

“Our field test, where you nearly died, hahaha”, Erin said, glaring at the engineer and earning another confused look, “so funny. I get it that you don’t think highly of me, after what I’ve done to Abby, but you at least could be civil to me, if we’re going to work together.”

Holtzmann just stared at her, and when it didn’t seem as if she had anything to say, Erin turned and marched back to her desk, still fuming, but also feeling a bit sad now, not quite sure what she had been expecting, but it hadn’t been this total lack of reaction. 

_ Guess that confirms she doesn’t think much of me _ , she thought to herself, suddenly feeling like packing up and leaving,  _ can’t blame her, but still. _

“Erin”, Holtzmann said right behind her, making her jump before she turned around to face her, oddly reminded of the first time they had met, in the lab at Higgins; this time, Holtzmann wasn’t confidently smirking at her though, but looked decidedly uncomfortable, shifting from foot to foot, finding it hard to meet the other woman’s eyes.

“I’m sorry”, the engineer mumbled, sounding oddly stilted now, “I didn’t… You’re right, that joke was thoughtless. It’s what I do, when something makes me uncomfortable or upset, I joke about it, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to… hurt you, I’m sorry.”

Erin had expected this even less than the previous lack of reaction, and could only blink; Holtzmann cleared her throat and looked up to meet her gaze, and even though Erin didn’t know her well yet, she could tell how much willpower it had cost the engineer to do so.

“I think very highly of you”, Holtzmann let her know, surprising her quite a bit, “you’re brilliant, none of my prototypes would have been possible without the work you did with Abby. I’m sorry if I made you think otherwise.”

Her gaze dropped down to the floor again, and she started to turn away, having said what she had been wanting to say and clearly not expecting any sort of reaction from the physicist; before she could turn away fully though, Erin reached out and grasped her arm, prompting her to stop and look at her questioningly.

“I’m sorry, too”, Erin told her, “for snapping at you. It’s just… I guess Abby told you, but I’ve never been a confident person, more like the exact opposite. I tend to overthink things and I get anxious, so… I guess I overreacted, I should have realized you meant no harm.”

“What a pair we are”, Holtzmann replied, managing a wry smile and making Erin smile, too, “a crazy engineer who speaks without thinking when she’s uncomfortable and a physicist who overthinks things. Just for future reference, don’t take half of what I say seriously, especially if it’s crass or ludicrous things.”

“Good to know”, Erin said, suddenly feeling so much better that it made her heart soar, “and I’m glad we cleared that up.”

Holtzmann nodded, and for the first time in a decade, Erin acted on impulse and didn’t allow herself to overthink it first - as she took a step closer to the engineer and hugged her, feeling her heart skip a beat when Holtzmann immediately hugged her back. 

“Me too”, she heard the engineer mumble into her shoulder, and her smile widened; she felt the engineer briefly tighten the embrace around her, then Holtzmann pulled back and cleared her throat, mumbling something about going back to work as she made a vague gesture at her desk. 

Erin nodded, and as Holtzmann walked back to her workbench, the physicist found herself wondering if she had imagined the longing in her eyes or if it really had been there.


	131. Quite the Pair - Brave Again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a direct sequel to Chapter 130, "Quite the Pair" :) Enjoy! :D

Erin had been so sure that she would die when she had jumped in the portal that she was almost surprised she had made it back out alive.

Part of her even wondered if perhaps, she  _ had _ died, if everything was an exceptionally detailed hallucination, from how the asphalt felt beneath her when the portal literally spat Abby and her back out, to the voices of Holtzmann and Patty crying out in joy. 

Then, as she staggered to her feet, she felt Holtzmann grasp her arm and help her and then hug her, and the engineer’s scent was in her nostrils again, and she realized that this was too real and detailed to be a comforting hallucination dreamed up by her brain to make her last moments more bearable.

She felt Holtzmann hug her, a hug which was made somewhat awkward by the proton packs they both still had strapped to their backs; she couldn’t have cared less though as she hugged Holtzmann back, practically slumped against her for a moment or two before she regained her senses and pulled back. 

They just had saved the world, she had saved her best friend from being gulped up by a swirling green vortex, and all she wanted to do was kiss Holtzmann, but she told herself that now was not the time, that now, she was too impulsive and high on adrenaline to do something like that. 

Belatedly, she noticed that Abby’s hair had gone white, and another second later, realized that hers had done the same; it didn’t seem as if they had been gone for long, but still she found herself asking what year it was, her mouth for once working faster than her brain.

“It’s 2040”, Holtzmann said, Erin and Abby both gaping at her, “our president is a plant.”

“What”, Erin brought out, eyes wide; Holtzmann snickered, then lightly nudged her, a hint of mischief in her eyes as she responded.

“Nah, I’m just messing with you”, she let the physicist know, “you were gone for two seconds. Perhaps three.”

If it had been anyone else, Erin would have been annoyed at this inappropriate joke; it was Holtzmann though, and she knew that Holtzmann joked when she was upset or uncomfortable about something, she remembered their talk, and so, she let out a burst of laughter, the way Holtzmann beamed at her in response making her heart soar.

Once again she felt the urge to kiss Holtzmann, and once again she fought it down; it was considerably harder this time though than when the impulse had occurred for the first time, and so, she was quite glad when Abby commented on how tired she was and that all she wanted now was a shower and sleep.

“Let’s meet at the lab tomorrow?” the researcher then added, earning nods from all three women; and so, they ignored the soldiers and policemen coming back around, their puzzled looks and confused sounding questions, all of them just eager to get to their respective homes and get some rest.

* * *

Erin had showered, had eaten, and now she couldn’t sleep. 

She laid in her bed and stared up at the ceiling, suddenly oddly aware of how sterile and like a hotel room her apartment looked; perhaps this came from working in the chaos Holtzmann regularly caused at the lab, leaving tools and parts  _ everywhere _ , but whatever had been the cause, it suddenly bothered her that her home didn’t look like a home at all.

Realizing that sleep would keep eluding her, Erin got out of bed again, and dressed, suddenly needing to be in the chaos of their lab above the restaurant; she wasn’t sure why she felt this need, but withstanding it suddenly seemed impossible, and so, she didn’t even try, but simply gave in to it, just wanting to get out of this sterile, soulless place she called her home. 

And so, she left her home, and flagged down a taxi, glad that she managed to do so fairly quickly; she didn’t talk during the ride to the restaurant, and to her relief, the driver was quiet, too, only talking to her when they had arrived and he told her what she owed him.

After paying and tipping somewhat generously, Erin moved to the restaurant’s back entrance, the owner not having given them a key for the front door; and as she unlocked the door, she immediately saw light upstairs, and frowned, finding herself worried that a burglar had found their way into the lab and was stealing their equipment.

_ Or guys from the government _ , she realized as she snuck up the stairs, eager to not make any noise,  _ after how successful the equipment Holtz built was, they might want to get their hands on that… _

She regretted not having a weapon as she reached the top of the stairs and peered into the lab; to her relief, there were no mysterious men in black stealing their things, the physicist spotting Holtzmann instead, the engineer sitting at her workbench and tinkering with one of the proton packs.

Not wanting to startle her, Erin stood there for a while, and watched her work; Holtzmann was sitting with her back to the door though, and apparently so lost in whatever it was she was doing that she took no notice of Erin standing there, the physicist giving her another minute before she cleared her throat.

Holtzmann jumped visibly, and Erin felt bad for having startled her after all; she gave a somewhat sheepish smile as she walked over to the engineer, relieved when Holtzmann smiled back after a moment, the scare apparently not having been too big.

“Sorry”, Erin still apologized, “I didn’t mean to startle you, but I was just standing there and you didn’t notice me so…”

“It’s okay”, Holtzmann reassured her, making her feel relieved again, “I just didn’t expect anyone else to show up here at this hour.”

“I couldn’t sleep”, Erin let her know, making sure she wouldn’t jostle anything potentially unstable before she leaned against the workbench, “maybe I’m still high on adrenaline, I don’t know. After tossing and turning for a while, I gave up and decided to come here.”

She didn’t tell Holtzmann why she had decided to come to the lab, of all places, that she had been longing for her special kind of chaos, not sure she would have been able to put these feelings into words; apparently though, it wasn’t necessary to say these things, the engineer giving her a somewhat understanding smile as she nodded. 

“I couldn’t sleep either”, she then said, “so I figured I’d come here and work on the packs for a bit, just in case we get a call tomorrow about any stragglers we might have missed.”

“Good thinking”, Erin praised, making her smile again, “anything I can do to help?”

“Not right now”, Holtzmann said, her turn to look apologetic now, “I’ll let you know if anything comes up…?”

“Okay”, Erin smiled, then just watched her work for a while; Holtzmann appeared fully focused on her work, a slight frown creasing her brow, and so, Erin nearly flinched when she spoke up after several minutes had ticked by, not having expected her to say anything - and certainly not in the hoarse tone of voice which made her sound as if she was close to tears. 

“This is your pack”, she let Erin know, “if things had gone wrong today, you never would have used that again.”

“Holtz”, Erin started, then fell silent as she realized that she had no idea what to say; she reached out and touched the other woman’s arm, glad when Holtzmann didn’t pull back, even though she felt concerned again when Holtzmann squeezed her eyes shut, as if to fight back tears. 

“I thought you’re both gone”, Holtzmann told her, pushing up her glasses to wipe at her eyes, “Abby and you. When you jumped after her into that portal… I get it why you did it, I would have done the same if I had thought of it faster. But the second you did it, all I could think of was how you’re gone now, how you’ll never watch me dance again or blush when I compliment you or roll your eyes at me when I say something silly.”

“But we came back”, Erin reassured her, rubbing her arm soothingly, starting to feel upset herself at seeing Holtzmann like this; she had seen her uncomfortable and sad before, but never to this degree, and she wasn’t quite sure how to handle it.

“We came back”, she said again, as if to make sure Holtzmann believed her, even though her mere presence was proof enough, “and I can’t tell you how good it felt to hear you make that joke about our president being a plant. If anyone else had said that, I would have been annoyed, but when you said it, I just was so happy.”

To her relief, Holtzmann managed a weak smile at that, even though the way her hand came up to touch her necklace showed that she still wasn’t fully comfortable; she didn’t look as if she was about to cry any moment though anymore, and Erin was glad about that, quite sure that she would have cried as well if Holtzmann would have started to.

“I’m glad you were happy and not annoyed”, the engineer let her know, making her smile as well, “with you just having come back from almost certain doom and after being such a brave badass, I really wouldn’t have wanted to annoy you.”

Erin gave her another smile in response, not sure what to say, then belatedly realized that her hand was still resting on Holtzmann’s arm; the blonde seemed to notice at the same time, glancing down at her hand, then back up at her face, and Erin didn’t miss the way her eyes lingered on her lips for a second longer than necessary before they met hers.

“You know”, she said, suddenly unable to look away, feeling mesmerized by Holtzmann’s gaze holding hers, “I was quite far from annoyed at you when we came out of that portal. I was annoyed at myself though, because I found excuses again to not do what I’ve been wanting to do for quite a while now. Maybe I was brave when I jumped after Abby, but I wasn’t brave about that… But I think I can be now.”

Holtzmann didn’t say anything, just gave her a questioning look, and Erin was somewhat glad about that, not sure if she would have been able to truly be brave if Holtzmann had made some sort of joke now; as it was though, she managed to gather all her courage - and took in a deep breath, steeling herself against possible reaction before she leaned in, her lips finding Holtzmann’s in a gentle kiss. 

She felt as if her knees might buckle when Holtzmann kissed her back at once, without a second of hesitation.

“So brave”, Holtzmann mumbled once they pulled apart again, looking and sounding a bit dazed, and making Erin laugh, “so badass. And that was a really good kiss. I wanna do that again.”

“Me too”, Erin let her know, making her smile a bit dopily, “more than once. As often as we want? How does that sound?”

“Excellent”, Holtzmann still took the time to say - before she pulled her close for another kiss, her earlier upset state forgotten as she melted into Erin’s embrace, all her pain fading away at the feeling of Erin’s lips on hers. 


	132. Blameless

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another chapter inspired by a talk with aloc - thanks friend XD Holtzmann is bothered by her actions at the subway station, and tries to cope.

_ Just a little grounding, so you don’t die immediately. Do you know your iron level? _

_ Oh God, the collar! _

It’s been a close call at the subway, Holtzmann knows. She wonders if Erin knows, too, but is quite sure that she doesn’t… because if she did, she surely would hate her for it.

After all, it was her who ran, and if she hadn’t done that, she could have removed the collar faster, and it wouldn’t have been so close.

_ If I had been just one second slower… _

The mental image makes her heart clench up, and she swallows heavily as she stares at the weird sparky thing they found at the subway; she’s been staring at it for the past ten minutes, while Abby is writing up a report about the subway and Erin is in the washroom, probably still struggling to remove the slime from her face and hair.

_ If I had just been one second slower, they’d be removing bits and pieces of Erin from the subway tracks now. _

That rather graphic thought makes her stomach clench, and her grip tightens on her screwdriver; before her thoughts can go further on this unpleasant track, the washroom door opens and Erin steps out, grumbling under her breath as there’s still slime on her blouse and skirt.

“This stuff is really hard to wash off”, she says, loud enough now for Holtzmann to hear, “be glad it didn’t hit you. You don’t happen to have any clothes here I could borrow, right?”

“Um, in my desk”, Holtzmann tells her, halfway having expected her to yell at her for just running away; Erin just smiles at her though and thanks her, then makes her way to the engineer’s desk, finding comfy sweat pants and her MIT hoodie here.

“Can I use this?” she calls out, and Holtzmann lets out a vaguely agreeing noise, still waiting for the explosion; Erin retreats to the washroom once more, and when she comes back, she’s wearing Holtzmann’s pants and hoodie.

Just yesterday, seeing her in these clothes would have made Holtzmann’s heart explode, but now, her guilt won’t let any other emotion surface, and so, she keeps staring at the device, suddenly finding it hard to look at Erin.

_ If I had been just one second slower… _

“Holtz?” Erin says, tearing her out of those dark thoughts, and making her look up at her; and suddenly, as her eyes meet Erin’s, she’s sure that  _ now _ the explosion will come, now Erin is gonna yell at her and blame her for running, for almost killing her.

“Are you okay?” The question is so unexpected that Holtzmann can only gape at her, and Erin fidgets nervously as the lack of response, but she doesn’t look away, not even when colour starts to rise in her cheeks.

“You’ve been so quiet”, Erin says when Holtzmann keeps staring at her, “I don’t know you that well yet but… That seems odd? For you? So… are you okay?”   
  
For a moment, Holtzmann wants to lie, wants to tell her it’s all fine, maybe, if she lies convincingly enough, nothing will happen… but the guilt weighs heavy on her, and Erin must be mad at her, so if she lies, it might just get worse.   
  
How can you be alright, she imagines Erin shouting at her, after you ran and nearly killed me! If I’d died it would have been YOUR FAULT! YOUR FAULT!   
  
“I ran”, the words blurt from her mouth before she can stop herself, and Erin blinks at her, clearly not having an idea what she’s talking about.   
  
“At the subway”, Holtzmann clarifies, voice trembling audibly now, “and you nearly got killed. If I had been just one second slower… The collar… If anything had happened to you it would have been my fault…”   
  
“What?” Erin says, sounding so stunned it would have been funny, under different circumstances, “Holtzmann, no. Come on, we saw a ghost, and it was malevolent, anyone else would have ran, too, it’s a completely natural reaction.”   
  
“I put the collar on you”, Holtzmann argues back at once not willing to accept this forgiveness so quickly, “and then I just ran. If I had been slower… the collar was attached to the prototype and the prototype got dragged along by the train. You would have been hurt, or even killed. I’m sorry.”   
  
“You have nothing to be sorry for”, Erin tells her, shaking her head as if for emphasis, “yes, you ran. Like we all did, I’m sure you noticed my feet scrabbling around while Abby and Patty dragged me along. You ran, but… you came back.”   
  
Holtzmann opens her mouth to argue back again, she can’t believe Erin just forgives her so easily, even tells her that there is nothing she has to be forgiven for; Erin shakes her head though, and surprises her with a stern look, stern enough to make her snap her mouth shut again.    
  
“You have nothing to apologize for”, Erin says again, “and any What Ifs don’t matter, alright? We saw a ghost, we made it out of there alive and well, just slimed, and I made it out of there specifically because of you. Because  _ you came back _ .”

“I was sure you’d hate me”, Holtzmann mumbles, finding it hard to look her in the eye again, her gaze dropping down onto the weird sparky thing, “that you’d blame me. And I would have understood if you had…”

“Well, I don’t”, Erin reassures her, smiling at her as she takes a step closer and places one hand on her shoulder, a tender touch Holtzmann hasn’t expected at all, so far, Erin hasn’t seemed like the touchy feely type to her, “so stop blaming yourself, too.”

Holtzmann just manages a small nod, she’s not quite there yet, but she knows that the easy forgiveness Erin has granted her will make this easier; and then, Erin surprises her even more, by bending down and hugging her, wrapping both arms around her, the scent of coconut hitting her nostrils at the sudden closeness of the physicist. 

She returns the hug, a bit slow and hesitatingly, but if Erin notices, she doesn’t let it show; instead, she holds her for a few heartbeats before she pulls back, and smiles at her again, and Holtzmann is glad she is sitting down, not sure if her legs would have carried her, had she been standing. 

“We’re good?” Erin asks once she’s pulled back again, and Holtzmann nods again, not quite trusting herself to speak - Erin suddenly being so close to her has overwhelmed her a little bit, and she doesn’t want the physicist to notice, worried that it will make things weird and awkward again; Erin gives her another smile, then moves back to her desk, and Holtzmann watches her go, now smiling a bit to herself.

It will take her a while to forgive herself, she knows, but Erin has never blamed her, and knowing this will make not blaming herself so much easier. 


	133. Visitor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is what happens when a guy named Holzmann calls me at work and is unfriendly. Angst, but also fluff ahead :)

“Just once”, Erin sighed, while Holtzmann wiped at her face, removing the slime from her eyes and from the general area of her mouth and nose, “just once I want to get through a bust without getting slimed. I’m telling you, that stuff is after me. Personally. Thanks, Holtz.”

“No problem, babe”, Holtzmann gave back, wiping the slime onto her own coveralls; Erin gave her a wry smile, figuring that a kiss would taste rather badly with some slime still clinging to her face, then sighed, with an unhappy look at her drenched hair.

“Dibs on the shower”, she said as Abby picked up the smoking trap, glad that at least, the ghost had been caught while it had been busy spewing slime at her, “as always.”

“I’ll help you wash it off”, Holtzmann grinned, “as always.”

“Half a year and they’re still as sugary sweet as on the first day”, Patty commented, her smile showing that this wasn’t a negative assessment though, “and here we thought that would lessen after a while and become less cavity-inducing.”

“We’ll never be less cavity-inducing”, Holtzmann declared as they made their way to the building’s exit together, “neverrrr!”

“Perhaps you should try to sound less like Dr Frankenstein when you say this”, Abby advised, making her snicker; Erin just smiled, still dismayed about the sliming, sighing to herself as she took the passenger seat of Ecto-1, said seat already having been prepared for the slime with a bunch of towels. 

The slime didn’t stop Holtzmann from placing her hand on the physicist’s thigh whenever she didn’t need to use it to shift gears, the gentle touch making Erin feel decidedly better; and so, her mood was almost good again by the time Holtzmann parked in the firehouse’s garage.

That changed quickly though, when they entered the lobby of their HQ, saw the man sitting on the couch there, and she saw how Holtzmann reacted to him.

The engineer stopped dead in her tracks, and all colour drained from her face, so quickly and drastically that Erin feared she might faint and got ready to catch her, should that happen; and then, belatedly, she noticed how Abby was staring at the man, her set jaw and the sudden fire in her eyes, her worry and confusion only growing at this reaction. 

“Jillian”, the man said, coming to his feet, “there you are. Your… secretary said you were out on a bust.”

“What do you want”, Holtzmann replied, the flat tone of her voice so uncharacteristic for her that it almost made Erin flinch; she gave the engineer another concerned look, but the blonde didn’t even notice, staring hard at the man.

“I saw you on TV”, the guy said, not really answering her question, “they said that there ghosts and that you saved the city.”

“We did”, Abby said, her tone as hard and cold as Holtzmann’s eyes, “six months ago. Took you quite long to get here.”

“I’m here to speak to my daughter”, the man replied, not appearing all too impressed by Abby’s ire, briefly glancing at Erin when she gasped audibly at this revelation, “surely the three of you will let me have a word in private with her?”

“No”, Holtzmann said, crossing her arms over her chest, her face still pale, but not as dreadfully white as it had been moments ago, “I have no interest in having  _ a word in private _ with you. What do you want.”

“I wanted to see you”, her father replied, sounding defensive now, “what, a man can’t want to visit his daughter?”

“Not you”, Holtzmann flatly gave back, while Erin still was reeling from the revelation that this was her father; now that she’d had some time to look at him, she could tell see the family resemblance, they had the same eyes and if Holtz wouldn’t bleach her hair, it’d have the same shade of brown, but where Holtzmann was energetic and happy, he looked tired and spent, and Erin found it impossible to guess his age.

“You never just wanted to see me, in all my thirty-three years”, Holtzmann went on, “you’ve always wanted something. What do you need this time? Money?”

“...well, I am a bit broke”, he admitted in response, Erin feeling her anger flare when he didn’t even have the grace to look ashamed, “and I was hoping I could crash on your couch for a day or two.”

Holtzmann just shook her head, and Erin was sure that, for a moment, she had seen disappointment on the younger woman’s face; it was just there for a second, and all at once, Erin was sure that her girlfriend’s father had missed it, that he didn’t even know her well enough to have seen it.

“Just go”, she said as she turned away from her father, clearly done with him, but obviously, the man had other ideas, his face darkening as he took a step forward, setting his jaw, oddly reminding Erin of how Holtzmann looked whenever a ghost was putting up more of a fight than expected.

“Don’t you just turn your back on me”, he barked, and from how Holtzmann flinched at the tone of his voice, she associated nothing positive with hearing him like that, “I am still your father, and you will not disrespect me! That you’re thirty-three won’t stop me from giving you a good one if you need it!”

“Get the Hell out of here”, Erin snapped, moving to stand in front of Holtzmann without fully realizing she was doing it, suddenly just wanting to protect her from this horrible man, “how dare you speak to her like that!”

“Who do you think you are”, the elder Holtzmann shot back, glaring at her, “this is a family matter and none of your business!”

“I’m her girlfriend”, Erin snapped, and from how his eyes narrowed, she could immediately tell that his reaction to this wouldn’t be positive, something he confirmed moments later with his response.

“Is that so”, he wanted to know, “and here I thought she would finally have come to her senses and found herself a proper guy to take care of her.”

The flash of anger Erin had felt when she had seen the disappointment on Holtzmann’s face turned into a bright flare of rage, and without thinking about possible consequences, she took two fast steps closer to the man - and punched him straight in the face, hearing Holtzmann gasp behind her, the noise from the engineer mixing with the pain yelp her father let out as he stumbled back, lost his footing and fell, clutching his bleeding nose and staring up at Erin with big eyes.

“Get. Out.” Erin brought out between grit teeth, looking as if she wanted to punch him again, or maybe kick him for good measure; before she could do so though, Abby took tender hold of her arm and pulled her a few steps back while Patty moved to the elder Holtzmann’s side and practically yanked him to his feet, not bothering with being gentle as she gave the man a hard look.

“Leave”, she told him, and Erin was a bit amused to see that Patty was taller than the guy, “and don’t you dare coming back here. Ever. Maybe Holtzy and you share DNA, but  _ we’re _ her family.”

He stumbled a bit as he made his way to the front door, still clutching his nose, leaving a trail of blood drops on the hardwood floor; nobody said a word until he was gone, and even after the door had fallen close behind him, there was silence for a while, until Holtzmann spoke up, staring at Erin with wide eyes.

“You punched my father”, she said, and suddenly Erin felt bad for what she had done, her cheeks flushing as she cleared her throat and nodded; she had a second to wonder how Holtzmann would react, then the engineer gave her a weak smile and mumbled “thank you” - before she turned and walked up to her lab without another word, Erin looking after her in worried silence, knowing though that her girlfriend would need some time alone before they could talk about what just had happened. 

* * *

 

Almost an hour later, after Erin had washed off the slime and had changed into fresh clothing, her anger had faded away fully, and she went upstairs to see how Holtzmann was doing; for once, there was no music playing up there, Holtzmann sitting at one of the workbenches and tinkering with the newest ghost trap prototype, frowning in concentration as she stared at the tiny bits and pieces, looking up though when she heard Erin approach.

“Hey”, the physicist said, smiling at her, worried again when Holtzmann just gave the tiniest of smiles back, barely raising the corners of her mouth, “how’re you feeling?”

Holtzmann shrugged, then sighed, putting the tiny screwdriver she had been using down; Erin moved to stand next to her and rubbed her back, glad when she felt the engineer lean into her touch and when there was no negative reaction.

“He drinks”, Holtzmann broke the silence after a while, the stilted tone of her voice and the way she found it hard to look at Erin showing the physicist how uncomfortable she was, but Erin didn’t try to shush her, sensing that it was important for the engineer to tell her about this painful part of her past, “not… all the time, at least he didn’t when I was still… living with him. He’s a binge drinker. It got worse after… after Mom died, when I was five.”

Erin’s heart ached at hearing this - she had known that Holtzmann hadn’t had an easy childhood, from small snippets the engineer had revealed about her past, but no details, only having been told that she had been taken away from her home when she had been twelve and had been taken in by foster parents, a kind elderly couple she still spoke to on the phone regularly and visited every now and then. 

“He wasn’t that bad, when he was sober”, Holtzmann continued, moving her hand to touch her pendant, another sign for how uncomfortable she was, and Erin rubbed her back, hoping she could give her some quiet comfort with her touch, “but when he got drunk he… got violent. Until he overdid it one day and I was taken into foster care, but you know about that already.”

Erin just nodded, sensing that Holtzmann had more to say, and worried that, if she’d say something now, the engineer might clam up again; Holtzmann took in a slow, controlled breath, but still her voice was watery when she continued, Erin’s heart aching for her again as she had to realize how close to tears her girlfriend was.

“He didn’t contact me for a while after I got taken away from him”, Holtzmann let her know after swallowing heavily for a few times, valiantly struggling against the urge to cry, “but a while after I’d gotten my PhD and was living on my own, he called. He’d call every now and then, or randomly show up, to ask for money or for a place to stay. One time he dropped by at the lab at MIT and Dr Gorin told him, very calmly, to leave or that she’d set his hair on fire, that was fun.”

Erin smiled a bit at that, easily able to imagine Holtzmann’s mentor saying these words to her father; even though the elder woman had warmed up to her quite a bit, Erin was still somewhat terrified of her, intimidated by her mere presence whenever Gorin happened to visit Holtzmann at the lab. 

“And I’m a colossal idiot”, Holtzmann distracted her from these thoughts, startling her with what seemed like a rather random thing to say out of nowhere, the engineer explaining though before Erin had to ask, “because every single goddamn time he calls me or shows up, I think that this time, it will be different. That this time, he won’t ask for money, or for a place to stay. That maybe, he’ll even apologize. And he never does, he always wants something from me, and still I keep hoping. I just never learn…”

She fell silent and swallowed heavily, and Erin hugged her tight, feeling the younger woman tremble in her arms as she returned her embrace; holding her close, Erin kept rubbing her back, her own voice low and soothing when she spoke up.

“Because you have a good and kind heart”, the physicist told her, “that doesn’t make you an idiot. It’s one of the many, many things I love about you, and if he can’t see what an amazing person you are, it’s his loss.”

“Still feel like one”, Holtzmann mumbled in her shoulder, and Erin shook her head, then realized that the engineer couldn’t see this gesture, verbalizing her thoughts once again, hoping she was finding the right words.

“You’re not”, she reassured the engineer, pulling back from the hug just enough so she could look her in the eyes, “you’re my brilliant and amazing engineer girlfriend. Like Patty said, he may be your biological father, but we’re family, all five of us. Six if you count Mike Hat.”

To her relief, Holtzmann smiled a bit at this, then nodded; she rested her head on Erin’s shoulder again, and the physicist tenderly caressed her back, glad that Holtzmann was feeling better, the engineer relaxing noticeably in her embrace now.

For a while, they just sat there like this, embracing each other, Erin giving Holtzmann the comfort she still so obviously needed; then, Holtzmann pulled back to look at her, the sadness and disappointment gone from her eyes now, to the growing relief of her girlfriend.

“You know”, Holtzmann said, “it’s probably bad that I enjoy this so much, but it really was quite badass how you punched him. That might make you doubt my alleged good and kind heart, but it was… kinda good to see him at the receiving end for once.”

“It doesn’t make me doubt anything”, Erin gave back, shaking her head as if to underline her statement, “because this reaction is perfectly understandable. And after what he said, and what you just told me, I’m not sorry for punching him.”

Holtzmann smiled again at that, then leaned in for a tender kiss, the intimacy small, but a clear sign that she truly was feeling better; and when they pulled apart again, her smile widened, her eyes sparkling again now, as well, showing that she truly was beginning to feel better.

“Thank you”, she said, one of her hands moving to grasp Erin’s and giving it a tender squeeze, “and I love you, too.”

Erin just smiled, and pulled her in for another kiss, happy that she was feeling better, and knowing that they could handle any nasty surprise life might throw at them, as long as they had each other. 


	134. By Your Side

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Based on this tumblr prompt: Holtz gets injured and freaks at the hospital due to a bad previous experience around the time she started with Gorin. Very angsty but Erin to the rescue

Already when they loaded Holtzmann into the ambulance, Erin could tell that she was scared, despite how bravely the engineer tried to hide it.

Anyone who didn’t know Holtzmann as well as she did probably would have missed the little signs, but Erin knew what to look for, and could tell that Holtzmann was struggling to hold it together.

The fact that she had several broken ribs and a long cut down her side which was gushing blood didn’t make this easier for her.

At least, Erin thought to herself as she climbed into the ambulance and the paramedic pointed out the seat right next to Holtzmann’s stretcher to her, she could ride with her girlfriend, the paramedics not giving them any trouble about Erin joining them in the car; she sat down and grasped Holtzmann’s hand, trying to ignore how her fingers immediately got slick with blood.

“It’s gonna be okay”, she said, moving her free hand to adjust Holtzmann’s glasses for her, said glasses having been knocked askew when the ghost had landed the hit, “you’re gonna be fine, I promise.”

She took a moment to make sure that the glasses sat properly now so Holtzmann wouldn’t have to deal with discomfort from that additionally to her injuries, then started caressing her hair, eager to give her some comfort; she felt Holtzmann squeeze her hand, the engineer’s breath coming in short, pained gasps, the way she held Erin’s gaze though showing that, despite possible shock, she was perfectly aware of what was happening.

“Hurts”, Holtzmann brought out, each breath sending waves of pain through her chest; Erin gave her hand a reassuring squeeze, still caressing her hair, trying her best to sound kind and reassuring when she responded.

“I know”, she let the engineer know, “but it’ll be okay, we’ll be at the hospital soon, they can give you something against the pain there.”

She noticed how Holtzmann’s breath quickened at her mentioning the hospital, not for the first time becoming aware of the engineer’s apparent dislike of going there; when they had started dating, and had had their first time together, she had taken note of the scars on Holtzmann’s body, not surprising with her line of work and her lack of safety when she performed said work, and more than one of them had looked as if it had healed up not quite flawlessly, as if the wound which had caused it never had been taken proper care of.

“You’ll be fine”, she said again, hoping now that she was making it better and not worse, “I promise, and I’ll be right there when you come out of the ER. Okay? You won’t be alone.”

“Almost there”, one of the paramedics said, and somehow, Holtzmann’s already pale face got even whiter, and her grip on Erin’s hand tightened until it hurt, the physicist holding back a wince, not wanting Holtzmann to notice her discomfort.

“I can’t”, Holtzmann brought out, the tremble in her voice making Erin’s heart clench up, “Erin I can’t, don’t make me, please…”

“It’s gonna be okay”, Erin told her again, knowing that there was no way she could not let Holtzmann go to the ER, not with those injuries, “I promise.”

“Please”, Holtzmann whimpered, and the physicist’s heart broke; not sure what she could say, she just squeezed her hand again, her mind racing as she tried to find the right words which would calm the engineer down, sweat having formed on Holtzmann’s brow by now, Erin quite sure that, if she’d put her hand on her chest now, she’d feel her heart race.

“Holtz, I’m sorry”, she said, running her thumb over the back of Holtzmann’s hand, “you’re really hurt, you need a doctor…”

“It’s gonna hurt”, Holtzmann brought out, still sounding as if she was close to tears, “and then I’ll be alone and in pain and…”

She let out a small sob, and judging from how her grip on Erin’s hand tightened, that only made her pain worse; Erin felt like crying herself, but bit the tears back, telling herself that seeing her cry too would only upset Holtzmann more.

“You won’t be alone”, she reassured her once she could be sure she wouldn’t start crying the moment she’d open her mouth, “I’ll be right there when you come out of the ER, okay? You won’t be alone.”

The car came to a stop as they arrived at the hospital, and Holtzmann’s grip on Erin’s hand tightened; not letting go, Erin walked along next to the stretcher as long as the hospital staff let her, only reluctantly letting go when she was told that she had to, her heart heavy as Holtzmann’s eyes didn’t leave hers for a second until the doors of the ER swung shut and separated them.

* * *

When Holtzmann opened her eyes again, it felt as if her head was filled with clouds.

She wasn’t sure when she had passed out, the last few minutes before the darkness had overtaken her just a vague blur in her mind, like a bad dream; to her relief though, she felt no pain, just a dull throbbing in her chest, and the tightness of the bandages, but that was better than the searing pain she’d felt like after taking the hit.

Belatedly, she realized that a warm hand was holding on to hers, and laborously turned her head to look; the room briefly spun at the movement, making her feel dizzy, but once her sight had settled again, she found Erin next to her bed, the redhead slumped over in one of the uncomfortable looking hospital chairs, her head resting on the edge of Holtzmann’s bed, her hand holding on the engineer’s even as she slumbered. 

Seeing Erin right there next to her made her feel better than any painkiller ever could have, and she smiled weakly to herself; then, she drifted off again as the medication and her own tiredness got too much to withstand, focusing on the feeling of Erin’s hand holding on to hers until she was fast asleep again.

* * *

When Holtzmann woke for the second time, her brain felt much less fuzzy, and she could remember more, too, embarrassed at how she had acted in the ambulance, feeling her cheeks heat up.

Erin was still asleep next to her bed, she saw, still holding on to her hand; not wanting to wake her, Holtzmann tried her best to lie as still as possible, but as if she had sensed that Holtz was awake, Erin stirred a short moment later, then opened her eyes, looking adorably sleepy, but still smiling immediately the moment her eyes met Holtzmann’s.

“Hey”, the physicist said, squeezing her hand, “welcome back. How are you feeling?”

“As if they doped me to the gills with painkillers”, Holtzmann mumbled in response, Erin’s smile widening a bit in response, “but I guess that’s a good thing.”

Erin nodded, then gave her another tender smile, making her smile back a bit dopily - before she remembered how she had freaked out in the ambulance and felt embarrassed again, suddenly finding it hard to look Erin in the eye, her gaze dropping down to the blanket covering her.

“Sorry for.. acting so childishly in the ambulance”, she mumbled, Erin’s heart clenching up yet again, “I shouldn’t… that was stupid.”

“No”, Erin gave back at once, shaking her head, “it wasn’t, and you have nothing to apologize for. Everyone is scared of something, Holtzmann, you don’t have to be ashamed of being afraid.”

“Still feels stupid”, Holtzmann mumbled, managing to look her in the eye again though, to her relief, “and you were right when you told me I had to go to the hospital, it was dumb that I didn’t want to. It’s just…”

She fell silent and her hand came up to tug at her necklace, only to pause when she realized that it was gone; she briefly panicked at the thought of having lost it during the whole mess, then Erin squeezed her hand again and let her know in a reassuring voice that she had the necklace in her pocket.

“I’m afraid they had to cut the chain to get it out of the way”, she said apologetically, “but at least they didn’t throw it away. Apparently, one of the interns is a fan and knew you’d want it back.”

“Thank you”, Holtzmann gave back, relieved; Erin gave her another smile, then pulled the necklace from her pocket, cut chain and all, and put it on the nightstand, earning another grateful look from her girlfriend.

“Maybe take that with you though when you go out”, she then mumbled, grimacing a bit, “not to make rude assumptions about the hospital staff, but I don’t want anyone to hawk it.”

Erin nodded her agreement, not wanting the necklace to be stolen, either - she knew that Holtzmann could easily make a new one, a dozen if she wanted to, but it wouldn’t be the same, and she didn’t want to add the emotional pain of losing the necklace to the physical injuries Holtzmann had suffered.

“I’m glad you’re here”, Holtzmann said, sounding as if she was close to drifting off again, eyes already halfway closed, her injuries and the painkillers clearly taken their toll on her, “the last time I had to go to the hospital I was all alone… I don’t wanna be here alone…”

“I won’t leave you alone”, Erin promised her, squeezing her hand gently again, and earning a weak smile, “not even if they try to kick me out. Get some rest, Sweetheart, I’ll be right here when you wake up again.”

Holtzmann nodded, then her eyes closed fully as she lost the fight against her tiredness; still Erin kept holding on to her hand even as she slept, reassuring her even then that she was there.

She had no idea what exactly had happened to Holtzmann in the past to make her so afraid of the hospital, and part of her was dying to find out; she knew though that sooner or later, Holtzmann would tell her, when she was ready, and that she could wait until then, just glad for now that her girlfriend would be okay and allowed to go back home soon.


	135. Doubt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Based on a prompt aloc sent me on tumblr messenger - Erin and Holtz start dating, but soon after, Erin discovers she has some doubts. Angst and fluff ahead! :)

If Erin hadn’t been so oblivious to everything, she would have noticed that Holtzmann was in love with her months ago. 

As it was though, she didn’t know what to look for, didn’t know the signs; and since she had no idea there actually  _ were _ signs, she didn’t notice them, either. 

And Holtzmann was good at being not too obvious; she’d watch Erin work when she could be sure the physicist wouldn’t notice, and hid it well how shivers ran up and down her spine whenever they’d touch, accidentally or on purpose.

It wasn’t the first time that she fallen in love with a straight woman, and she figured it wouldn’t be the last; it was the first time she had fallen so hard though, and she wondered if it’d ever fade.

Possibly, working with Erin day after day was making it harder, maybe even impossible, to get over the crush, but Holtzmann loved their work, loved working with her even if it hurt to know that she’d never feel the same way for her, and so, she loved her quietly and from a distance, and told herself that she could be happy to have Erin in her life as a friend at least.

Sometimes, she wondered if Abby and Patty actually noticed what Erin herself missed, if they somehow knew that she was in love with her so much it sometimes hurt; Abby knew her well, she was perfectly aware of this, and Patty was good at reading people, but if they had noticed, they never brought it up with her, and since Erin didn’t act weird around her from one day to the other, she figured they hadn’t said anything to her either.

She was somewhat glad about this, not wanting Erin to notice and feel uncomfortable; still she couldn’t keep herself from showing her feelings every now and then, from the way she smiled dreamily whenever Erin explained something or was doing badass things during a bust, to how she’d always let her go first during weapon testing and always took care of her gear first when it got damaged during a bust.

Erin didn’t notice those things as signs for love, but she wasn’t the only one who was oblivious; just like Erin wasn’t aware of the way Holtzmann sometimes looked at her, or of her quiet reaction to touching, Holtzmann was just as unaware of how Erin sometimes watched her when she danced or simply worked, and of how the physicist sometimes had to swallow heavily when their hands touched.

And so, they were unaware of their mutual feelings for one another, and pined quietly… until one day, during a bust, when everything changed.

They had been called to get rid of one fairly harmless ghost, but as it turned out, that ghost had friends, and the group was giving them quite the hard time; all four Ghostbusters had slime drying on their clothes and hair, and had been at the bust for hours already, the ghosts teaming up to make capture or being destroyed even harder.

Two of them rushed Erin, and Holtzmann acted without thinking, catapulting herself forward and slamming into the physicist, tackling her down to the floor just in time to keep her from taking the hit, the ghosts whooshing over her head without managing to do any damage to either of them while she ended up on top of the physicist.

She was about to pull back and apologize when her eyes met Erin’s, and she noticed the hunger and need in them, and froze, suddenly finding herself unable to move as she swallowed heavily.

Clearly, Erin wasn’t as frozen as Holtzmann felt, reaching up to touch her cheek - before her hand slid to the back of Holtzmann’s neck and she pulled her down and kissed her, the ghosts and the danger forgotten.

“Hey you two dorks!” Patty’s voice made them flinch apart again, just when the kiss had been about to deepen, “generally, about damn time, but  _ right now _ it still not the best time for this!”

“Um, yes, sorry”, Erin babbled, blushing brightly, Holtzmann’s cheeks having quite the healthy reddish colour too when she hurriedly got off of the physicist and helped her to her feet; still they took a moment to smile at each other, Erin’s smile a bit shy, but happy, while Holtzmann was practically beaming, then they focused on the task at hand again, with renewed energies after what just had happened.

It took them a while longer to finish the bust, but finally, the last ghost had been sucked into the trap; and the second it was gone, Erin holstered her proton gun, then marched over to where Holtzmann was standing, grabbed her and pulled her close to kiss her again, Abby and Patty watching with happy smiles on their faces.

* * *

After that fateful bust, Erin and Holtzmann were officially dating, and for two weeks, everything was blissful and perfect.

Then, slowly, but steadily, Erin’s insecurities kept creeping back in, and with them, the doubts came. 

Not once did she doubt Holtzmann loved her, she could tell just from how the engineer looked at her, from how Holtzmann started to beam whenever Erin joined her up at the lab or from how happy she looked whenever they spent time together; and it didn’t take long until the first doubts began to surface from the darker corners of Erin’s mind.

She began to ask herself if Holtzmann loved her more than she loved the engineer, why the smallest things seemed to have such an impact on the engineer and made her so happy, and as the days went by, these thoughts plagued her more and more.

It wasn’t a lack of happiness, she knew, she was happy with Holtzmann, it was amazing how happy it actually was making her to be with the engineer; and still she found herself worrying and overthinking things, unable to help herself.

She wasn’t aware of it, but Holtzmann picked up on her worries, not on their exact nature, but she noticed that  _ something _ was wrong, and it made her worry, too. 

The engineer began to wonder if perhaps, Erin was changing her mind, was realizing that she didn’t want to be with her after all; and even though the words “I love you” burned on her tongue, she held them back, telling herself that it was too early anyway and that there was no sense in saying them until she could be sure the relationship wouldn’t end in disaster.

Erin was oddly distant every now and then, she noticed, sometimes not reacting when Holtzmann said her name or even when she touched her; and sometimes, she looked at the engineer oddly, as if she couldn’t quite believe that was happening, and all these little moments added up and only made Holtzmann worry more.

She didn’t bring it up though, too afraid of what might happen once she did, that Erin might confirm her worse assumptions and tell her she didn’t want to be with her any longer; she’d rather be with a sometimes distant Erin than have no Erin at all in her life, and so, she remained quiet, and enjoyed the happy little moments she got with the physicist.

Her worries and concerns distracted her during her work though, more than they should have, and so, it didn’t truly surprise her when she caused a medium poof as she worked on one of the traps, but it still startled her, and she yelped as she jumped back from the trap, smoke and flames rising from it.

Erin was quicker than Holtzmann herself, by her side in a flash and with a fire extinguisher; she quickly sprayed the trap, and put out the fire, Holtzmann giving her a grateful smile, feeling a bit less worried when Erin smiled back at her.

“Thanks for that, babe”, she then said, worries lessening even further when Erin’s cheeks coloured at the endearment, as they always did, “that could have gone very wrong. I’m talking losing-all-my-hair levels of radiation wrong.”

“Oh”, Erin let out, looking a bit alarmed now, “that’s… not still a danger, is it?”

“Nah”, Holtzmann reassured her, with another bright smile, “only would have been it had blown up. Which it didn’t, cause you put the fire out so quickly.”

“Huh”, Erin let out, “okay… Well… You’re welcome?” She leaned in to press a quick kiss to Holtzmann’s cheek, then gave her one of those odd looks again before she went back to her desk; she sat down there, only stared at the screen of her laptop though, fingers resting on the keys motionless.

She knew Holtzmann’s comment had been fairly innocent, as innocent as a comment about radiation-caused hairloss could be; still she found herself unable to stop thinking about this, a dramatic movie playing in her mind’s eye, featuring Holtzmann in the hospital, hooked up to tubes and wires and machines, growing weaker and weaker, until her body would simply give up one day.

The thought made her heart clench up painfully, and all at once, with startling clarity, she knew that she loved Holtzmann, all her doubts gone from one second to the next.

Instead, she felt the overwhelming need to tell her, right away and immediately; it made her nervous, they hadn’t been together for that long yet, but she now knew what she felt, and wanted to share this feeling, despite how her heart picked up speed and her palms grew sweaty when she got up and walked over to the workbench again.

“Holtz?” she said, and when the engineer turned to look at her, her heart plummeted all the way to her stomach, as she suddenly was sure that the incident had given Erin the final push and that now, the physicist would break up with her, judging from how upset she looked, as if she was about to cry.

“I have to tell you something”, Erin brought out, swallowing heavily, fingers fidgeting nervously, just another sign for how uncomfortable she was; Holtzmann found it hard to speak, too, and just nodded, bracing herself for the pain of the physicist breaking up with her.

“I love you”, Erin said instead, the words so unexpected that Holtzmann could only gape her at her, “I’m sorry if it didn’t seem like I do the past few days but… I do, I love you, and I don’t ever want to be without you again.”

“I love you, too”, Holtzmann told her at once, unable to hold back a wide smile as she could feel her heart swell with happiness, “and, um… yeah, I was a bit worried for a while, but now I’m happy again, cause I get to keep making you happy.”

“That’s part of why I was overthinking things, I think”, Erin admitted, moving closer to hug the engineer, feeling even better when Holtzmann returned the embrace at once, “it’s sort of hard to explain but… I haven’t dated much before, and the guys I did date, they… none of them was as caring and considerate as you are, you know? Or just as happy to see me, even though you see me every day…”

Holtzmann grimaced at that, not liking the thought of the men Erin had dated before not having treated her right; she never had really met Phil, only having seen him one time from afar, but what Erin had revealed about him was more than enough already, and she was determined to show her that things could be different.

“Well”, she said, grimace vanishing as she gave Erin another bright smile, the physicist smiling back at her at once, feeling so much better and relieved now that she had cleared things up and actually had told Holtzmann she loved her, “you better buckle up then, because you’ve seen nothing yet. Get ready for the Holtzmann relationship experience!”

“It’s already so much better than any I’ve ever had before”, Erin reassured her, then pulled her close for a kiss; and as their lips met, all her worries and anxieties were quiet, and she was simply happy.


	136. Bad Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Holtzmann has a very bad day. Erin wants to make it better :)

Holtzmann was having a very bad day.

It already had started early in the morning, when she had dropped her favourite mug and it had shattered, coffee splashing everywhere; then, her blowtorch had slipped out of her fingers and had nearly set her workbench on fire, and had damaged the proton pack she had been working on when it had fallen onto it.

As if that wasn’t bad enough, one of the tires of Ecto-1 blew during the drive to a bust, and during said bust, not only did her pack malfunction, forcing her to watch from the sidelines, but she got slimed, too, the ghost for once choosing her as primary target instead of Erin.

Changing the tire while covered in slime wasn’t easy, and she pinched her fingers painfully during the process; by the time they made it back to the firehouse, the slime had dried on her skin and in her hair, and when she stepped into the shower, something turned out to be wrong with the heating system and only cold water came out.

“Man, poor girl”, Patty showed sympathy when Holtzmann joined them again, clean, but freezing, her teeth chattering, “you have the worst of bad days. Did someone curse you?”

Holtzmann just shrugged and let herself drop down onto the couch, the lack of response showing that she wasn’t taking this as easy as it had seemed before she had gone to shower; she had been all smiles and energetic during the bust, but now, her smile was gone, and she looked tired and exhausted.

“Hey Holtz”, Erin said as she came walking over to where the engineer said, carrying a blanket; Holtzmann looked up at her, and spoke up before the physicist could continue, her words stopping the physicist dead in her tracks.

“Are you breaking up with me?” she wanted to know, the tremble in her voice showing that this wasn’t as much of a joke as it might have been on any other day; Erin could only blink at her, and Holtzmann shrugged, gaze dropping down to her legs as she continued.

“Cause everything goes wrong for me today”, she said, hand coming up to tuck at her ear, “so… are you?”

“No”, Erin gave back once, “of course not, I love you. I don’t want to break up with you, I wanted to snuggle you and comfort you because as Patty said, you’re having the worst day ever. And I brought a blanket, you must be freezing after that cold shower.”

She moved to sit next to Holtzmann and wrapped her up in said blanket, and as she did so, Holtzmann started to cry, Erin’s heart breaking at the sight and sound - on any other day, Holtzmann was such a ray of sunshine, and it hurt to see her like this, so sad and upset.

“It’s gonna be okay”, she reassured her, holding her close and rubbing her back through the blanket, causing some warmth additional to the comfort this gave the engineer, “it’s just a bad day. It’s already gonna be better tomorrow.”   


“I broke my favourite mug”, Holtzmann sniffled in response, “Dr Gorin gave me that mug when I started at the lab with her. And I’m cold and my fingers hurt and I’m afraid that if I try to do any work I’ll blow us all up.”

“Then don’t do any more work today”, Erin gave back, still rubbing soothing circles on her back, “just cuddle on the couch with me. Okay?”

“I don’t want to keep you from doing your work”, Holtzmann mumbled, not sounding very convinced though; Erin shook her head and told her it was no problem, even managed to make her smile a bit when she said that her first and foremost task for the day would be to make Holtzmann feel better.

“Thank you”, Holtzmann mumbled as she slumped into Erin’s embrace; the physicist gently kissed the top of her head and reassured her it was no problem, then just held her close, not letting go of her until she felt at least a bit better.


	137. In Vino Veritas

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aloc has made awesome illustrations for a few of my fics at this point - now I wrote a fic to one of her art pieces XD Check out the art on tumblr :D

When Erin had been working at Columbia, she always had been professional and eager to be perceived that way, well aware of the fact that she had to work much more than her male colleagues to get the same grade of recognition and appreciation.

She had accepted this as a simple fact back then, even though it had been unfair; and even after she had left the university and had become one of the Ghostbusters, she found it hard to let go of her strict work ethic, unable to slow down and relax even in this much more casual environment.

She did get a bit less uptight, just from working with people who were very easy-going, or, in Holtzmann’s case, simply reckless; much of her professional attitude remained though, and often made her flush or feel nervous when Holtzmann was doing decidedly unprofessional things, like dancing with blowtorches.

Erin didn’t want to be the killjoy of the group though, and so, she held her concerns about this back, and didn’t voice them openly; Holtzmann could tell it was making her nervous though, even if she didn’t say anything, just the way she was watching her like a hawk whenever she did reckless things told her more than enough.

Just like her obvious nervousness didn’t stop Holtzmann from being reckless though, how Erin blushed and laughed awkwardly whenever she would say something flirty to her didn’t stop her from that, either; and so, she was reckless, and flirted, and Erin watched her and blushed, but always remained somewhat professional, not acting cold towards her, but not as close as a friend as Holtzmann did with Abby.

She was a bit different with Abby, more relaxed, and Holtzmann figured that Erin would just need time to get used to Patty and her, and act the same way with them; and this didn’t bother her, she figured it was just how Erin was and that it was nothing personal.

With how aware Holtzmann was of this though, of Erin’s general attitude and need to be professional, it was quite surprising when the physicist turned out to be quite the touchy-feely person when drunk.

It took a few weeks after the move to the firehouse for Erin to actually get past the point of tipsy which was closer to drunk, and for Holtzmann to experience touchy-feely Erin; it came quite out of nowhere though, the physicist suddenly just leaning close to her one night at the bar after downing a shot of tequila, her third or fourth, and put one hand on her shoulder, practically leaning into her and talking right into her ear to be heard over the noise of the bar.

“We kicked that ghost’s ass, didn’t we”, she said, making Holtzmann nod, the engineer suddenly feeling decidedly warmer - and it wasn’t the alcohol with her, she knew, she couldn’t handle shots well and thus just had had beer so far, and not many of those, either, “we’re getting really good at this. And the stuff you make for us is so awesome. You’re awesome, Holtz.”

“Thank you?” Holtzmann gave back, not quite sure what to think of this - Erin had told her before that her work was impressive, and had shown that she meant those words whenever she used the equipment Holtzmann had made, but she never had told the engineer that she as a person was impressive or awesome, and hearing it now made her feel quite warm and tingly inside.

“At first I thought you’re weird”, Erin went on, unaware of the reaction she was causing, “well, I still think you’re weird. But a good kind of weird, not the stuffy annoying weird like some of the guys I had to work with. Ugh, these guys, I tell you…”

She launched into a rant about the men of Columbia, and soon, the other three women were laughing so hard they almost cried, as Erin turned out to be surprisingly good at doing impressions with the shots in her system, and did a particularly good one of Filmore - but even as she raved and ranted, she kept her hand on Holtzmann’s shoulder, the engineer’s skin feeling hot and tingly where the redhead’s palm touched her, something which didn’t lessen no matter how long Erin kept her hand there.

* * *

As it turned out, Erin got quite touchy-feely every time she reached a certain level of drunkenness; this didn’t happen often, since doing shots wasn’t a regular thing for the group, but whenever it did happen, Erin ended up sitting very closely to Holtzmann, touching her arm or shoulder or back as she spoke, sometimes just letting her hand rest there, sometimes rubbing her back or arm.

And it didn’t take Holtzmann long to notice that Erin was much more touchy-feely with her than she was with the others, even with Abby, who was her best friend.

It made her wonder what this might mean, if it meant anything at all, but she didn’t know whom to ask - she didn’t want to ask Erin directly, not wanting to make her feel uncomfortable, and she didn’t want to ask Abby, not quite ready to be told that it meant nothing and that this was just part of Erin’s personality, a well-hidden part, but part of it.

And so, she kept her questions about this to herself, only making sure to not drink any hard stuff and not too much beer whenever they went out for drinks; she didn’t quite trust herself enough to keep her hands to herself, should she be not sober when Erin reached the touchy-feely-point, and she didn’t want to end up making things awkward with the physicist.

If any of the other three noticed how she held back about drinking when all four of them went out, they didn’t say anything about it; and as it turned out one evening at their favourite bar, Erin at least didn’t pay any attention, as she proved when she reached her touchy-feely level again and at one point squeezed Holtzmann’s thigh out of nowhere, making her jump so that she threw over her beer bottle.

“Holtzy!” Erin giggled, cheeks flushed from inebriation while Holtzmann’s reddened for another reason, “you’re drunk!”

“Uh-huh”, Holtzmann let out, figuring that this was a better explanation than the truth, a less dangerous one, “I’m drunk. So, uh, I gotta sweat it out, I’ll go dance!”

“I’ll come with you!” Erin declared, surprising her - usually, the physicist wasn’t one for dancing in public, preferring to do so in their lab where only the Ghostbusters and Kevin could see her, thinking that she didn’t actually dance well and looked like a giant dork whenever she did dance.

Clearly, the alcohol lowered her worries about this, as she grabbed Holtzmann’s hand and practically dragged her onto the dance floor; and for a while, they were busy dancing, Erin not caring the slightest about the people around them, fully focused on the music - and on Holtzmann, the engineer noted after two or three songs, the physicist’s eyes never leaving her as they both moved to the rhythm. 

And not long after Holtzmann had noticed that, Erin suddenly moved closer to her, placing both hands on her hips; this made her flush again, but she couldn’t stop herself from returning the gesture, and the bright smile Erin gave her when her hands settled on her hips made her heart beat faster.

Impossibly, it sped up even further when Erin moved even closer, her gaze dropping to the engineer’s lips, making her intentions quite clear; before she could actually kiss Holtzmann though, the blonde realized what was happening and took a quick step back, not missing the flash of hurt on Erin’s face.

“Erin”, she quickly explained, before the physicist could get the idea to rush off, “it’s not that I don’t want to kiss you. But… not when you’re… not sober. I’d feel like a creep taking advantage of you.”

“...oh”, Erin let out, frowning as it took her a bit to process that thought, thanks to the shots she’d had, “um… That makes sense. So I can kiss you when I’m sober?”

“Yes”, Holtzmann said at once, “if you still want to kiss me then, yes. A thousand times yes.”

Erin beamed at her and nodded, then went back to dancing as if nothing had happened, and Holtzmann did the same, unable to relax fully now though, unable to stop wondering if this would have unpleasant consequences in the future and if things would get awkward - or if she would get a pleasant surprise quite soon, suddenly barely able to wait for the next day.

* * *

In the next morning, Erin was grumpy and a bit hung over, and so, Holtzmann wasn’t sure if that was to blame for how she avoided it to look at her or if she regretted what she almost had done; she didn’t want to put her on the spot though and force her into an uncomfortable situation, and so, she acted as if nothing had happened, giving Erin an easy way out, should she want it.

For a while, it seemed as if that was what Erin wanted indeed, and Holtzmann tried to ignore how much this hurt; she focused on her work upstairs, working always had helped her deal with her emotions, and told herself that she could do this, for the sake of her friendship with Erin and for the team.

She got so absorbed by her work that she didn’t hear the approaching footsteps, and only when Erin cleared her throat, Holtzmann realized that she wasn’t alone at the lab anymore.

“Hey”, Erin said as she walked to where the engineer was standing at one of her workbenches, “um… I have one thing to say, okay?”

“Okay”, Holtzmann gave back, not sure what to expect, but bracing herself for the pain; Erin took in a deep breath, fingers fidgeting, showing that she was nervous - before they went still, her whole body went still, and she looked up to meet Holtzmann’s eyes, her own and her voice clear when she spoke up again.

“I’m sober now”, she said - before she stepped closer to Holtzmann, moved both arms around her waist and kissed her, a gentle and even hesitant kiss, even though she grew a bit bolder when Holtzmann kissed her back at once. 

When they pulled apart again, Erin’s cheeks were flushed and she was smiling; Holtzmann found herself unable to stop grinning, too, feeling happy and giddy, these feelings only increasing when Erin reached up to briefly touch her cheek.

“Thank you”, she said, briefly confusing the engineer what she was thanking her for, exactly, “for… being the way you are. Not many would have reacted the way you did when I tried to kiss you.”

“It was the right thing to do”, Holtzmann gave back, shrugging, her cheeks reddening slightly too though, showing that she wasn’t quite unaffected by the gratitude; Erin just smiled though, and didn’t comment on this, pulling her closer for another kiss instead, Holtzmann unable to hold back a content sigh as their lips met again.

She was really happy they both were sober for this.


	138. Fear of the Dark

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Erin has to face one of her deepest fears during a bust - but Holtz is there to help.

_Have you ever been alone at night_   
_Thought you heard footsteps behind_   
_And turned around and no-one's there?_   
_And as you quicken up your pace_   
_You find it hard to look again_   
_Because you're sure there's someone there_

**Iron Maiden - Fear of the Dark**

  


“One of these days, I’ll make headlamps for us”, Holtzmann commented as she looked around the basement, the lights on the ceiling flickering ominously as if to agree with her, “fancy ones which won’t break when we fall on our faces.”

“I like that idea”, Erin told her, looking around nervously - being a Ghostbuster meant that they often ended up in badly lit spaces, but that didn’t mean she had to like it, and she felt her heart beat faster and how her palms got sweaty beneath her fingerless gloves.

“You like all of Holtzy’s ideas”, Abby quipped, ignoring the way Erin raised an eyebrow at her while Patty snickered and nodded; Holtzmann just grinned and winked at her girlfriend, Erin smiling back at her once, momentarily forgetting her discomfort as she thought about how, even after the months they had been together now, she’d never grow tired of Holtz winking at her.

Then, the lights overhead flickered again, and brought her back to the task at hand; fighting hard to keep her dismay hidden, Erin gripped her shotgun tighter as she slowly walked down the hallway, glancing around, ready for the ghost to jump out at them any moment.

“You guys, this place is really big”, Abby said behind her, and she held back the urge to grimace as she knew what would come next, “should we split up?”

“Probably more efficient”, Patty nodded, neither Abby nor she surprised when Holtz cried out “dibs on Erin!”, the physicist letting out a small laugh in response.

“We’ve told you, Holtz”, Abby said, smiling as well and with a slight teasing tone in her voice, “you don’t have to do that every time we split up.”

“Just making sure”, Holtzmann gave back, with another wink; Erin smiled again, then the four quickly decided which pair would go where, splitting up afterwards, Holtzmann humming happily as they moved through the basement, Erin holding out her PKE meter, keeping a close eye on the display for any sign of activity.

“You know”, she said after they had walked for a while and nothing had happened, “I’m starting to think we’re getting a reputation among the ghosts and they’re hiding whenever we come to a bust.”

“Possibly”, Holtzmann said with a snicker, “hey, you think they have some kind of Facebook for ghosts? Ghostbook? Faceghost?”

Erin giggled, thankful for the distraction Holtzmann was providing from the dim lighting and general spooky atmosphere; and just when she fell silent again, she heard something in the distance, and her heart skipped a beat, the way Holtzmann briefly froze showing her that she had heard it, too.

“You heard that too, didn’t you”, Erin still said, just to be on the safe side; it had sounded like a little girl crying, and eerily had reminded Erin of how she herself had sounded, when she had been little and haunted by her neighbour’s ghost, and judging from how Holtzmann grimaced as she nodded, she wasn’t handling the sound with ease, either.

“It sounded like a little girl”, she confirmed Erin’s impression, “but we better be careful, it might be a trick from the ghost. Maybe it read about that on Ghostbook.”

Erin smiled weakly again at that, but couldn’t bring herself to giggle anymore, not after that sound; they moved into the direction it had come from, slowly walking down the hallway until they ended up in front of a heavy iron door, exchanging a look before Holtzmann went first, pushing the door open with the barrel of her proton gun.

The room behind the door was small and, apart from the naked lightbulb dangling from the ceiling, empty; perhaps, it had been used as a storage closet at some point, but judging from the thick layer of dust on the floor, no one had been in there for quite a while.

There was no crying child in the room, either, Holtzmann realized with the first quick glance; she turned to tell Erin, just in time to see the ghost rush at the physicist from behind, her eyes going wide, but before she had time to cry out a warning, the apparition had slammed into the physicist hard enough to throw her forward and against the engineer, and as Holtzmann fought to not lose her footing, trying to keep Erin from falling without dropping her proton gun, the ghost slammed the door shut behind them, locking them in the small room.

From one second to the next, they were in complete darkness, disorienting enough so that Holtzmann did end up on the floor after all, glad that she hadn’t hit the wall, Erin halfway on top of her, one of the engineer’s arms around her while the other still clung to the proton wand.

“Ah damn”, she said once she had gotten over the brief shock, “we walked right into that one, huh. Are you okay?”

Erin didn’t respond, and when Holtzmann moved her hand a bit, she felt how tense the physicist was all of a sudden, alarmed all over again as a million ways Erin could have hurt herself during the fall flashed through her mind.

“Erin?” she said, worry only growing when Erin didn’t respond, “are you okay? Did you get hurt?”

She heard Erin take in a sharp gasp in response - and then the physicist’s weight was suddenly gone from her body as Erin scrambled to her feet, and Holtzmann could hear her move around in the dark, her breathing coming in harsh, fast gasps now, showing that something was very wrong.

“Erin”, she said again, coming to her feet, holstering the proton gun so she’d have both hands free, holding them out slightly so she wouldn’t bump into the wall, “Erin? Cupcake? It’s okay, it’s gonna be okay.”

She could still hear Erin move, somewhat frantically, the small scraping sounds she could hear showing her that the physicist was searching for a light switch; and with each second passed and she couldn’t find it, her breath grew more and more erratic, until it sounded as if she was close to hyperventilating.

“Hey”, Holtzmann said, eager to get through to her, knowing that the last thing they needed now was for Erin to pass out, “it’s okay. Nothing’s gonna happen to you, okay? I’m right here with you. Focus on my voice.”

“I can’t do this”, Erin finally did say something, and Holtzmann could tell how close to tears she was, “Holtz I can’t, I can’t…”

“Yes you can”, the engineer gave back at once, her eyes by now having adjusted enough to the dark so she could at least see where Erin was, aided by the all too weak glow from the proto packs, “we can, together, I’m right here with you. Is it okay if I touch you?”

Her eyes had adjusted enough to let her see Erin nod, and she took a slow step closer, then placed one hand on the other woman’s arm; even through the coveralls, she could feel how tense Erin was, and rubbed soothing circles, eager to make her feel better.

“It’s okay”, she said again, hoping she was actually making it better and not worse, “we can see a bit already, can you notice? The proton packs glow a bit, too, and it’s not radioactive, I promise, they would glow green if they were and not red.”

On any other day, this would have earned her a smile from Erin; as it was though, Erin just kept breathing heavily, and Holtzmann realized that jokes wouldn’t help at this point, that Erin needed the light back to calm down.

“Let’s see if we can find a light switch, shall we”, she thus suggested, and immediately, she felt Erin cling to her in response, as if she was afraid that she would never find Holtzmann again in the small room once the physical contact would end, “or maybe get the door open somehow?”

“Okay”, Erin gave back in a small, trembling voice, “but… don’t let go of me? I… I know it’s childish and stupid but I need to know you’re here with me, I can’t… not alone…”

“It’s not”, Holtzmann gave back at once, making a mental note to bring this up again later, when they were out of this mes, “and I’m not letting go of you if you don’t want me to.”

She slowly let her hand slide down Erin’s arm, until her fingers curled around the physicist’s; holding on to her gently, but not loosely enough that Erin might have to worry about losing contact, she then started moving her other hand over the wall, until she felt the cold metal of the door beneath her palm.

“Found the door”, she said out loud, feeling Erin grasp her hand tighter in response, “now let’s find the handle.”

She did so quickly, not surprised, but still dismayed when the door turned out ot be locked; she squeezed Erin’s hand as she told her about this, then suggested they should search for a light switch instead, earning a small, but vaguely agreeing noise from the redhead.

Not wanting Erin to focus too much on the darkness around them, Holtzmann started talking as she searched for the light switch, speaking about everything which came to her mind; she could feel that Erin’s palm was sweaty, but the physicist’s breathing had slowed down again, and thus, she figured that she was doing something right.

“Okay”, she said when she realized that the light switch was nowhere near the door, dismayed as she guessed that it actually was outside the room, “no luck with the light switch. But! I got something else, wait a second…”

She had to move her hand awkwardly across her body to get at the pocket she wanted, not wanting to let go of Erin; she managed to get what she needed though, and a second later, a small flame pushed the darkness aside as she flicked on the lighter she had pulled from her pocket.

Erin blinked at the unexpected light, then looked so relieved that it made Holtzmann’s heart clench up; she gave her a hopefully reassuring and calming smile, glad that Erin could actually see that now, still holding on to her hand, quietly letting her know that she was there and not going anywhere.

“Now we can see something”, she said, giving Erin another bright smile, “let me try the walkie-talkie, and if that doesn’t work, I’ll see if I can pick the lock.”

She handed the lighter to Erin, figuring that giving her the actual light would only make it better; and once that had been done without letting the flame go out, Holtzmann pushed the button of the radio strapped to her shoulder and tried to reach Abby and Patty, grimacing when all she got was static.

“Guess the walls are too thick here”, she said after a few useless tries, Erin looking a bit dismayed again, but not as frightened anymore as she had minutes ago, “memo to self, juice up those radios. Okay Erin, I can probably pick the lock, but to do that, I need to let go of you. I’m right here though, alright? You can see me, too, with the flame.”

Bravely, Erin nodded, even though she swallowed noticeably heavily when Holtzmann did let go of her; the engineer gave her another reassuring smile, then reached into her gravity-defying hairdo and pulled out a bobby pin, momentarily distracting Erin from her fears when her hair didn’t change the slightest.

“One of these days, I’ll find out how you do that with your hair”, she said, voice still a bit shaky, but firmer than it had been; Holtzmann just grinned and winked at her, then started her work on the lock, carefully inserting the pin into it, grinning again a moment later as she realized that the lock wasn’t exactly sophisticated.

“Ha”, she let out, Erin leaning closer, thankfully making sure that she didn’t get too close to her hair with the flame, “this lock is child’s play, I’ll have us out of here in no time. Just move it a bit like this and…”

The lock clicked audibly, and the door swung open, light flooding the room; and a second later, Erin had let the lighter go out and was hugging Holtzmann tight, a shudder running through her as she clung to the smaller woman.

“Thank you”, she brought out, her voice trembling again, “I don’t know how I could have handled that without you. Thank you.”

“Nothing to thank me for”, Holtzmann reassured her, rubbing her back soothingly, “I’m glad I could help. Now, shall we go find Abby and Patty and kick some ghost ass?”

Erin smiled and nodded, feeling so much better already now that they were out of that small dark room; she handed the lighter back to Holtzmann, then the two of them hurried away from the storage to either find their friends or the ghost, Erin soon forgetting her fears as she fully focused on the task at hand.

* * *

Quite a while later, the ghost was in a trap, and the Ghostbusters were back at the firehouse; Holtzmann immediately had gone upstairs to work on “juicing up the walkie talkies”, as she had put, and after a few minutes of staring at her laptop without actually getting any work done, Erin followed her upstairs, knowing she wouldn’t be able to focus until she had said what had been on her mind ever since the ghost had locked them up in that small dark room.

“Holtz?” Erin said as she entered the lab, not wanting to startle her - she figured that the danger for poofs was small when Holtzmann worked on the radios, but also knew that the engineer sometimes got distracted by other projects, and didn’t want to startle her into making something go poof in case this had happened, “do you… have a minute?”

“For you, always, cupcake”, Holtzmann gave back, putting a few small parts of the radio she had been working on down, “what can I do for you?”

“I wanted to… apologize”, Erin told her, fingers fidgeting, “for how I freaked out during the bust. You took charge and were in control and I was just… useless, and I’m sorry.”

“You were not useless”, Holtzmann told her at once, shaking her head for emphasis, “you held the lighter when I picked the lock! And please, don’t apologize, it’s okay.”

“No, it’s not”, Erin said, suddenly finding it hard to look her in the eye, “because if this happens again, at a worse time… That ghost could have come back to attack us and I wouldn’t have been able to do anything, you could have gotten hurt and it would have been my fault. Because I’m afraid in the dark, like a child.”

She was unable to keep a hint of bitterness out of her voice at the last few words, and in response, Holtzmann got up from her seat and moved to her side; sensing that she needed comfort, she grasped her hand again, but despite the gentle gesture, Erin couldn’t look her in the eye, staring at her feet instead.

“It’s not your fault”, Holtzmann reassured her, squeezing her hand tenderly, “everyone is afraid of something, Erin. And after what you went through when you were a child, it’s perfectly understandable that you’re afraid of the dark.”

“I’m an adult though, a professional”, Erin reminded her, clearly not willing to accept this so fast, “not a child. Being afraid of the dark at my age, that’s… that’s just pathetic.”

“You know what I am afraid of?” Holtzmann wanted to know, earning a shrug from her girlfriend as she figured that, whatever it was, it could never be as pathetic as her fear - only for her eyes to bug out when Holtzmann continued.

“Snails”, the engineer said matter-of-factly, and Erin could only stare at her, for a moment wondering if Holtzmann was making fun of her now with a fear even more absurd than her own, scolding herself for that thought a moment later as she knew that Holtz would never do that to her, “nasty slimy little buggers, I hate them, blergh. You put one on my workbench here now, I run away so fast, you can’t even imagine.”

“But they can’t even run after you”, Erin said the first thing which came to her mind, clapping her hand over her mouth a second later, her eyes going wide; Holtzmann, to her relief, clearly wasn’t offended though, but snickered and shrugged, a kinder smile curling her lips afterwards as she gave Erin’s hand another squeeze.

“That’s the point though”, she then said, shrugging again, “it’s not rational. And it’s dumb, especially for a woman my age. It’s still a fear I have, and if we ever encounter ghost snails, that might be a problem. But I know you’ll be there for me - just like I was there for you today, because I love you, and because it’s what we do. We’re a team.”

“I love you, too”, Erin gave back, deeply touched all at once, her eyes coming up again to meet Holtzmann’s, “and yes, we are. Thank you.”

She moved to hug her, and as Holtzmann hugged her back and kissed her, she forgot all about how ashamed she was about her fear, knowing now that Holtzmann didn’t judge her and that no matter what, they would always be there for each other.


	139. Illness and Guilt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Based on this tumblr prompt: Holtzmann becomes bedridden ill; Holtz feels super guilty about being ill and Erin taking care of her, since she grew up looking after herself while under the weather.

“Shoot me”, Holtzmann groaned as she laid face-down in bed, her voice muffled by the pillow, “take your proton shotgun and end my suffering. Pretty please.”

“No”, Erin gave back, sitting on the edge of the bed to rub her back soothingly, “your suffering will end soon all without me shooting you, Sweetheart.”

“Bucket”, Holtzmann blurted in response, and after the night the engineer had had, Erin knew immediately what was about to happen, grabbing the bucket she had placed strategically close to the bed while Holtzmann hurriedly turned around and sat up, Erin holding the bucket with one hand and Holtzmann’s hair out of her face with the other as the engineer threw up.

“Urgh”, she let out once it was over and she flopped back onto the pillow, “and here I thought my belly is empty. God, I feel as if giant ghost Rowan slammed me with his giant ghost fist.”

“Poor you”, Erin showed sympathy, putting the bucket aside for now with the mental note to clean it later, “I’ll call Abby and let her know we won’t come in today, you’re in no shape to go to work.”

“But you can’t miss work too”, Holtzmann protested, the fact that she didn’t try to convince Erin about how she was capable of going to work showing how bad she was feeling, “it’s bad enough that I won’t go in, but if you stay home too…”

“I won’t leave you alone when you’re so sick”, Erin gave back at once, shaking her head for emphasis, “come on Holtz, you’ve been throwing up all night. I wouldn’t be able to get any work done anyway, I’d be too worried about you.”

Holtzmann still looked as if she wanted to protest, frowning and clearly not convinced yet; not wanting to leave her alone all day in her state, Erin took hold of her hand gave it a tender squeeze, smiling at her as she continued, eager to get her point across without having Holtzmann feel bad for the physicist missing work, as well. 

“I’ll let them know they can call me if a bust comes up”, she said, figuring that being aware of this option would make Holtzmann feel better, “and apart from that, there is nothing urgent I have to get done. My latest calculations were for your projects anyway, and if you’re not there working on them, the delay won’t cause any problems.”

“But, but”, Holtzmann started, only to visibly perk up as another reason for why Erin shouldn’t stay home hit her, “I might be contagious! You could get sick, too!”

“We’ll worry about that when it happens”, Erin gave back, shrugging, taking note of how Holtzmann briefly frowned, “but it’s unlikely, I hardly ever get sick.”

Holtzmann deflated as now, she had no further arguments for why Erin should go to work; Erin squeezed her hand again, then let her know she’d call Abby, the engineer just nodding, watching her go afterwards as the physicist went to get her phone.

The call didn’t take long, Erin informing Abby that Holtz was ill and that she’d stay home with her; when she came back to the bedroom though, she immediately picked up on how Holtzmann’s mood had darkened, the engineer staring at the blanket and picking at a loose thread, avoiding it to look up and meet her eyes even when she spoke up again.

“Abby and Patty send their love”, she said, putting the phone down on the nightstand and sitting down on the edge of the bed, “and they’re perfectly fine with me taking time off too until you feel better. They’ll call in a case a bust does come up, but until then, I’ll be here to take care of you, alright? Patty says I have to make sure you drink enough.”

Holtzmann just nodded, still staring at the blanket; Erin found herself worried now, wondering what was going on - she could tell that her girlfriend wasn’t feeling all too good, but all at once, she was quite sure that this wasn’t the only reason for Holtzmann’s odd behaviour.

“Holtz”, she said, in the kindest tone possible, reaching out to grasp her hand again, “what is it? Talk to me, please. Let me help.”

“You shouldn’t have to do that”, Holtzmann mumbled in response, still finding it hard to look at her, her picking of the thread intensifying, “waste your time on me cause I’m sick. And I shouldn’t need that, I should be able to handle that on my own…”

“Perhaps you could”, Erin gave back, sensing that there was some deeper reason for Holtzmann’s words, but not wanting to push her, “but you don’t have to, because I want to take care of you. You’re not making me do that, I  _ want _ to do it, because you’re my girlfriend and I love you.”

“I love you too”, Holtzmann said, finally able to look her in the eye again, and Erin’s heart clenched up at the dull shame she could see in the engineer’s gaze, suddenly just knowing that this wasn’t the first time Holtzmann felt like this about being sick, “and… I just don’t want to.. be a burden. You know?”

“You’re not”, Erin reassured her, squeezing her hand to underline her words, “you never will be. Now lie down, get some rest, and let me take care of you, alright?”

She bent over the engineer to gently kiss her on the forehead, not quite daring to go for the lips; Holtzmann managed a weak smile and nodded as she laid back down, still holding on to Erin’s hand though, clearly not wanting her to leave the room yet.

“It’s just”, she started, then fell silent to swallow heavily, sounding stilted when she continued after a few slow, controlled breaths, “before… all of… this… us… I always had to do this alone. When I was sick, I mean. So I’m… not used to it and I don’t want you to get annoyed, when you have take of me like I’m a helpless kid…”

“I’ll never get annoyed”, Erin reassured her, glad when she earned a small smile, “I promise. And I’ll be right here for as long as you’ll need and want me to, okay?”

Holtzmann nodded with another small smile; Erin smiled back at her, then kissed her gently again before she once more told her to get some rest, quietly leaving the room as Holtzmann quickly drifted off into sleep, resting easily now that she believed what Erin had told her, reassured that she was no burden and that Erin would help her to get well again soon.


	140. Aftermath - Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So when I re-watched Ghostbusters for the xx time *coughs*, I realized how hard Erin actually lands on her proton pack at the Mercado. My brain being my brain, and with some help from aloc (thaaaanks mate :D), thinking and talking about that scene led to this. XD Enjoy :D

Already when Erin had gone to bed, she had been able to tell that she would feel her numerous bruises in the next morning, and when she opened her eyes early in the next day, she realized at once that she was right.

Her back hurt from when she had fallen on the proton pack at the Mercado, and her waist ached, too, where the cable she had tied to herself before jumping into the vortex had been; and as if that wasn’t enough, her whole body felt sore, reminding her of the fact that she hadn’t spent much time working out during her job at Columbia.

_ Well, if you’ll bust ghosts more often now, you better work on your cardio _ , she thought to herself, groaning to herself as she rolled over, the little movement only increasing her pains,  _ or you’ll feel like this after every bust. _

She forced herself out of bed, groaning again as this only made it worse; telling herself that a hot shower would surely help, she shuffled into her bathroom, feeling as if she was roughly a thousand years old.

Getting into the shower turned out to be more difficult than usual, since she had to lift her leg to step into the tub; the hot water stung at first when it hit her bruises, making her wince, and when she got the first good look at the bruising around her waist, she grimaced, the skin an angry, dark blue and purple where the cable had been.

Briefly, Erin regretted that she had no cream for bruising in her first-aid kit at home, never having needed it; she figured though that Holtzmann, with her penchant for causing poofs of all sizes, probably had something to treat bruising at the lab, and made a mental note to ask her as she washed her hair, moving much slower than usual. 

Despite how she was forced to move with more care than on a regular day, she got done at last and left her home, figuring she might as well go to the lab; it was still early enough that she suspected she’d be on her own there, and she wanted to write up a report about the previous day, even if it might be for nothing, the mayor’s office not having contacted them yet.

Not feeling like taking the subway with her various pains and ouchies, Erin called a cab to her apartment; thankfully, the driver was quiet during the ride to the lab, only looking at her curiously when she couldn’t hold back a groan as she got out of the car.

Still feeling roughly forty years older than she actually was, Erin made her way to the restaurant’s back entrance, then up the stairs to the lab… and as she stepped inside, her pain was forgotten from one moment to the next, her eyes going wide while her heart skipped a beat.

In the middle of the lab, Holtzmann laid on the floor, arms spread out, eyes closed, unmoving.

“Oh my God!” Erin cried out as she got over the first shock, suddenly able to move quite fast as she hurried to the engineer’s side, “Holtzmann!”

Holtzmann opened her eyes and sat up, moving so quickly that Erin squeaked in surprise, frowning when the engineer let out a similar noise as she stared at the physicist, Erin belatedly realizing that her hair was still white.

“Oh wow you scared me”, Holtzmann said, remaining seated on the floor and looking up at Erin, “I forgot about your hair thing.”

“I scared you?!” Erin demanded to know in response, incredulous, “you nearly gave me a heart attack, lying around on the floor like this! I thought you’re hurt, or dead!”

“Nah”, Holtzmann gave back, still not making a move to get up though, “I’m fine. I just… rested for a bit.”

Erin’s eyes narrowed at that, and she took a closer look at the engineer; she didn’t know Holtzmann that well yet, but she knew her well enough to tell that something was a bit off, even though she couldn’t quite put her finger on what it was.

“Are you sure?” she wanted to know, lowering herself into a crouch even though that sent fresh flashes of pain through her muscles; Holtzmann just shrugged, and suddenly found something very interesting up on the ceiling, Erin reaching out after a moment to put one hand on her shoulder, glad when there was no negative reaction to her touch.

“I’m a bit banged up”, the engineer admitted after Erin had given her another concerned glance, “yesterday was… rough.”

Her gaze strayed to the still broken window, Erin for the first time noticing the damage; she found herself wondering what had happened, but before she could ask, Holtzmann seemed to realize that she hadn’t been there when the event had occurred, and she gasped, making the physicist jump.

“You weren’t there!” Holtzmann cried out, earning a confused look from the redhead; she shook her head as if to clear it, then continued, trying hard for a proper narrative so she wouldn’t end up confusing Erin further.

“You weren’t there”, she said again, realizing that with all the action and excitement, there had been no time to tell her, “when Rowan possessed Abby and nearly killed me.”

_ “What?!” _ Erin bellowed, eyes widening, “no, I wasn’t, and none of you guys said anything! He… what?!”

“Yeah, it was freaky”, Holtzmann said, sounding oddly gleeful, “he possessed her while she was in the bathroom and went crazy on the proton packs with my pipe. I tried to stop him, and he threw me across the room, then grabbed me by the throat and tossed me out the window, if Patty hadn’t grabbed me, I would have gone splat.”

She pulled down the collar of her shirt and Erin gasped at the dark bruises around her throat; her mind was reeling at what she just had been told, and suddenly, she felt sick as she imagined a million ways how this could have gone wrong.

“Jesus, Holtzmann!” she said, startled, “you could have died! Or gotten hurt real bad! Are you okay?!”

“Yeah, mostly”, the engineer told her, shrugging, “I got a bunch of bruises, turns out that getting thrown across the room and out the window isn’t very pleasant.”

“Jesus”, Erin repeated, wide-eyed, her heart suddenly and painfully clenching up at the thought of joining her friends in battle and finding Holtzmann gone, being told that the engineer was hurt or maybe even dead; the thought hurt her more than she would have anticipated, and she had to swallow heavily as all at once, a thick lump her formed in her throat.

“You could have died”, she repeated, and Holtzmann looked startled as she heard how close to tears Erin suddenly was, “and I wasn’t here to help because my own pride got in the way…”

“Ah no harm done, no worries”, Holtzmann gave back, waving her words aside with a casual gesture, only to grimace as this brought up a twinge of pain in her chest, “well, almost no harm. I’ll be all good in a few days though. What about you?”

“Bruises and sore muscles, but that’s no surprise”, Erin told her, with a vague gesture at her back, “the worst on my back, where I fell onto the proton pack, and around my waist, from the cable. You know. When I jumped.”

“...yeah”, Holtzmann gave back, suddenly eying her oddly enough to make her fidget, “that was… scary, you know. You could have died there, too. Abby and you. And I didn’t get thrown out the window on purpose!”

“I didn’t think about how it might go wrong when I jump”, Erin admitted, Holtzmann giving her a look which practically screamed “no shit, Sherlock”, “I just… I couldn’t leave Abby alone in there. She was my only friend for a long time, and now that we’re friends again… I didn’t have many friends before… you guys, you know.”

The truth was that she hadn’t had any friends before she had reunited with Abby, but she wasn’t quite ready to admit this, neither to herself, nor to Holtzmann; the engineer clearly picked up on something though, as she gave her a surprisingly gentle smile while she took hold of her hand.

“Well, you got us now”, Holtzmann told her, making her smile too, “Abby, Patty and me. We’re friends, right?”

“Yes”, Erin gave back at once, her smile widening; Holtzmann smiled back at her, then made a vague gesture at her back, sounding concerned now when she asked how bad it actually was.

“You fell pretty hard”, she added, “and those proton packs aren’t exactly soft.”

“It was quite bad when I woke up”, Erin let her know, grimacing, “honestly, it took me forever to get done in the shower. It’s a bit better now that I have been moving around a bit but it still hurts. That’s actually why I came here so early, you know, I was hoping you’d have some cream for bruises here.”

“Oh I do”, Holtzmann said, “I already made good use of it today, but there should be enough left. I’ll go get it and be right back ok?”

Erin nodded, taking note of how Holtzmann moved somewhat carefully when she came to her feet and favoured her right leg; she limped a bit as she walked to her workbench, grimacing when she bent down to the box stored beneath it, at least finding the small tube of cream quickly, since she had used it not even an hour ago.

Slowly and carefully, Holtzmann straightened up again, mindful of all her bruises, from when she had hit the floor when Rowan-in-Abby had thrown her and from when she had slammed into the building after having been dropped out the window; as she turned to face Erin again though, all those thoughts were forgotten from one moment to the next, her eyes widening and her mouth going dry.

While her back had been turned, Erin had pulled off her shirt, and now stood there in just her bra and jeans, blushing visibly as she noticed the look on Holtzmann’s face.

“Oh”, the physicist brought out, realizing belatedly that perhaps, undressing without saying a word maybe hadn’t been the best idea, “sorry…?”

“Um, uh, it’s okay”, Holtzmann brought out, cursing herself for how tongue-tied she suddenly was, far from her usual smoothness, “I’m just… very gay. Right now. Always. I mean… Oh jeez I’m sorry, I don’t want to make you uncomfortable...”

“You’re not”, Erin reassured her, cheeks still flaming, but not from embarrassment - because before she had regained a bit of self-control, Holtzmann had looked at her with what only could describe as pure passion, and she couldn’t remember the last time someone had looked at her like that.

“Actually”, she added, while Holtzmann now found something very interesting on the floor which she could stare at, “I should apologize to you, I really didn’t think this through… Um… I just thought, I can’t get at that bruise on my back on my own and… I guess I should have asked for help before just undressing, huh?”

“It’s okay”, Holtzmann said, still staring at the floor though, worried that Erin might find it - or her - creepy after all if she looked at her for longer than a second, “I’ll help, um… turn around?”

“Sure”, Erin said, then the engineer heard her shuffle as she turned around; finally, she dared to look up again, and winced as she saw the other woman’s bruised back and the marks the cable had left on her skin, forgetting all about how much Erin in just her bra and jeans had affected her as she took another, closer look.

“Jeez, Erin”, she said, stepping closer, unable to take her eyes off the angry blue and purple, “honestly, I’m surprised you made it all the way here. This looks bad.”

“It does hurt quite a bit”, Erin admitted, looking back over her shoulder at the younger woman, “so I’m glad you got that stuff here, I’m not sure I would have made it to the next pharmacy all on my own.”

“I would have gone for you”, Holtzmann gave back at once, skillfully ignoring her own injuries; Erin just smiled, not pointing out that she had noticed Holtzmann’s limp when the engineer had gone to her workbench, “but luckily, no need for that. Fair warning, this is gonna be cold.”

She unscrewed the tube, then squeezed a generous dollop of the stuff onto Erin’s back, and the physicist hissed as it was indeed quite cold; Holtzmann mumbled an apology as she carefully started spreading it over the bruise, giving her best to be gentle, not wanting to make Erin’s pain worse.

As she moved her fingers over the bruised skin, her mind returned to the fact that Erin was standing right in front of her in just her bra and jeans, and that she was rubbing salve onto the physicist’s naked back; she swallowed heavily, cursing herself for her tendency to fall head over heels for straight women, all too aware that she’d never have a chance to be more than friends with the physicist.

Holding back a sigh, Holtzmann told herself that she had to get over this, and do so quickly, before Erin would realize she was in love with her and things would get awkward; they had a good thing with this team, she knew, and the last thing she wanted was to be the one who ruined it by letting Erin know how deeply she felt for her.

It was unfortunate that she couldn’t see Erin’s face, since the physicist was staring straight ahead; because if she had been able to see, she immediately would have been able to tell that her touch was having quite an effect on her friend.

Erin’s cheeks were reddened again, and she was biting her lower lip as she felt Holtzmann’s fingers move over back; the engineer’s gentle touch not only took her pain away, but also made her realize how long it had been since someone had touched her like this, so tenderly and carefully, not even when she had been dating Phil, he had been so gentle with her, as if the smallest bit of pressure might cause her to fall apart. 

He hadn’t been big on touching at all, she remembered, grimacing to herself, so having a friend like Holtzmann now, who was quick to touch people, was a nice change… but what she was feeling right now definitely had nothing to do with friendship, and she scolded herself for feeling these things, telling herself that they had no room in a friendship.

On the other hand though, she found herself thinking back to how Holtzmann had reacted when she had turned around and had seen that Erin had removed her shirt; the way she had looked at her had been quite far from just friendly, and she wondered if perhaps, there was more to the engineer’s flirting than simple fun.

She figured that there was only one way to find out, but wasn’t quite daring enough, not yet… and so, once Holtzmann got done with rubbing the cream onto her back, she thanked the engineer and pulled her shirt back on, then asked if she felt up to getting breakfast, smiling when Holtzmann nodded at once.

Neither of them asked if this was a date, but for some reason, for Erin, it felt as if it was, and she found herself wondering where her friendship with Holtzmann might lead in the near future. 


	141. Aftermath - Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And here we go with the second part of the previous part :) Enjoy! :D

Perhaps, they weren’t on an official date, Erin thought to herself as she sat in the small diner with Holtzmann and giggled into her hand, but she still had more fun than she had had in ages, all thanks to the engineer. 

Holtzmann was entertaining her with stories from her time at MIT, before her doctorate; she described her mentor, one Dr Rebecca Gorin, as a calm and stoic person, and made Erin giggle hard several times with anecdotes about how she had managed to make the woman act much less stoic, by being her usual reckless self.

“Oh God”, the physicist wheezed, tears of laughter threatening to spill from her eyes, “I’ve never met that woman, but poor her. Did you dance there with blowtorches, too?”

“Of course”, Holtzmann gave back, making Erin giggle again, “but just one time. Dr Gorin threatened to ban me from using them forever, I have to say, you reacted much better.”

“I was mostly too confused to react much”, Erin pointed out, making the engineer smirk, “that was the first time someone danced with blowtorches in the same room as me.”

“You better get used to it”, Holtzman smirked, laughing at the exaggerated groaning noise Erin made in reply, “I dance all the time, with or without blowtorches.”

“Thanks for the warning”, Erin dryly gave back, earning some more laughter from the blonde, the sound making her feel odd tingles inside which had nothing to do with her bruises; she smiled at Holtzmann, but before she could say anything else, her phone beeped in her bag, and she jumped, a reaction she regretted as it quickly made her feel all her sore muscles and bruises again.

She gave Holtzmann an apologetic look as she pulled the phone from her bag, seeing it was a text from Abby; it was short and to the point, namely just asking “where are you??”, and when Holtz checked her phone, she saw that she had been sent the same message.

“Who’s gonna answer?” the engineer wanted to know, and for a moment, Erin considered lying, still too caught up in the ways of thinking she had adapted to during her time at Columbia; then, she forced that first impulse aside and smiled, and if Holtzmann had noticed her second of hesitation, she didn’t let it show.

“I’ll answer”, she said, making the engineer nod and prompting her to slide her own phone back into her pocket, “I’ll tell her we’ll be there in a few, we’re almost done anyway, no?”

“I’ll go pay while you do that”, Holtzmann said, shaking her head when Erin reached for her wallet; she walked off before Erin could voice some sort of protest, and again, the physicist found herself thinking of this as a date, seeing how Holtzmann was paying for her coffee and pancakes.

Shrugging it off for now, she focused on sending her answer, typing quickly while Holtzmann went to the counter to pay, wanting to be done by the time the engineer would come back so she’d be able to focus on her again.

_ Having breakfast with Holtz _ , she wrote, holding back a smile as she imagined Abby’s face at reading this,  _ but we’ll be at the lab in a bit, we’re almost done and Holtz is paying. _

_ Ohoho,  _ Abby’s response came at once, and this time, Erin did smile to herself,  _ breakfast date, huh? Nice. _

_ Not sure it’s a date _ , Erin wrote back, Holtzmann taking a bit longer than anticipated to return,  _ could also just be two friends getting coffee and pancakes. _

_ Please _ , was all Abby wrote back this time, and Erin’s smile widened; and just then, Holtzmann came back, the physicist tugging her phone away and nodding when Holtz asked if she was ready.

“Thanks for breakfast”, she said as she got up from her seat, earning a bright smile in response which gave her those odd tingles again, “that was really nice. And tasty.”

“Told you they have the best pancakes in this part of town”, Holtzmann reminded her with a happy smile; Erin laughed and nodded, only to find herself confused as Holtzmann suddenly grew oddly solemn, her voice uncharacteristically gentle and a bit stilted when she spoke on.

“You have the most beautiful smile I have ever seen”, she said, and Erin blinked, not having expected this at all; and before she had the chance to say anything, perhaps thank Holtzmann for the compliment, the engineer got moving again and walked to the door to hold it open for her, Erin unable to stop smiling as she walked past her and out the diner.

* * *

By the time they arrived at their lab above the restaurant, Abby and Patty were there, too, having coffee at Kevin’s desk; the man himself was nowhere in sight, making Erin wonder if he knew he still was working for them, a thought she shrugged off when she took note of how Abby raised her eyebrow at Holtzmann and her arriving together.

She made a beeline for her desk before Abby had the chance to say anything and sat down, eager to get done with the report, even if it might be for nothing; while she began her work on that, Holtzmann started maintenance on the proton packs, apparently unaware of how Erin glanced up at her every now and then. 

While the physicist tried to put what had happened at Times Square into a coherent narrative, Abby and Patty were already busy making plans for the future of the Ghostbusters; and apparently, a visit at the hairdresser was part of those plans, what with Abby’s and Erin’s hair still being white from their trip to the vortex.

Abby herself didn’t seem as if she cared much about her hair having gone white, but Patty was adamant that something had to be done about that; Erin nodded her agreement when Patty asked her if she didn’t think they should go back to their previous hair colour.

“If only so we don’t look twenty years older”, the physicist then said, earning a shrug from Abby while Holtzmann perked up at her workbench, giving Erin a bright grin and making her blush again when she spoke up.

“I dunno, Er-Bear”, she said, “it makes you look wise, not old. I think it suits you, but so did your previous colour, you’re pretty either way.”

“Er-Bear?” Erin decided to focus on the nickname instead of the complement; Holtzmann grinned and shrugged, then told her she liked giving people nicknames, Abby nodding empathically, making Erin laugh with a list of nicknames Holtzmann had come up with for her. 

“I already have a nickname”, Patty said, with a strict look at the engineer, “so don’t you get any ideas, Holtzy.”

“I would never, Pattycakes”, Holtzmann solemnly replied, snickering at the glare Patty shot her; and just then, the phone rang, making all four women jump before Abby, being closest, took the call. 

“Ghostbusters, Dr Yates speaking”, she said, listening for a few moments before her eyes widened a bit; she mostly listened, only making noises to signal she was still there every now and then, saying “yes, of course” before she said goodbye and hung up.

“That was Jennifer Lynch”, she said, the other three perking up at hearing that name, “the mayor’s PA. She wants to meet us at a pub this afternoon, Finnegan’s, not far from here.”

“They better thank us for what we did”, Holtzmann commented, making the other three nod; and as she went back to work on her report, Erin felt happy and giddy, quite sure that good news would be given to them during this meeting. 

* * *

As it turned out, the news were indeed good, Jennifer Lynch telling them that the mayor would fund them - discreetly - and that they could continue their work just as discreetly, with support from the government, the office willing to give them anything they needed.

“We’ll let you know what we need”, Erin said, trying hard to keep her excitement hidden and to sound professional and cool, “but I can tell you already we will need another, bigger lab space, and I do have something in mind.”

“Send it all to the mayor’s office”, Jennifer gave back, the physicist unable to hold back a smile now as she thought back to the firehouse and imagined how they would set up their lab there, all the space they’d be able to use; Jennifer gave a tight smile back in response, then let them know that the mayor thanked them - discreetly - and that the office would be waiting for their list of requirements.

“That was a short meeting”, Abby observed once the PA had gotten up and had left, “she couldn’t have said that on the phone? Weird.”

“Maybe she wanted to see if we got hurt and didn’t know how to ask”, Erin gave back, “or she just feared someone might be listening to the phone conversation. She did say the word  _ discreet _ twice.”

“I have something to say, too”, Holtzmann declared, already coming to her feet, “I want to make a toast.”

Curious, the other three looked at her, none of them sure what to expect; Holtzmann cleared her throat, then started to speak, the words leaving her in a stilted rush, her gaze mostly focused on Erin as she talked, sometimes briefly moving to Abby or Patty, but always coming back to the physicist.

“Physics is the study of the movement of  bodies in space and it can unlock the mysteries of the universe”, the engineer said, continuing even though all they could tell how uncomfortable she was, “but it cannot answer the essential question of what is our purpose here and to me the purpose of life is to love and to love is what you have shown me. I didn't think that I would ever really have a friend until I met Abby and then I feel like I have a family of my own and I love you, thank you.”

She sat back down abruptly while the other three could only stare at her, and Erin wondered if they felt as deeply touched as she herself did; she knew Abby well enough to tell that the words had affected her, and when Patty said how this had been the real thing, right there, she knew that it was the same for her.

“We love you too”, she said, before she could overthink it stop and herself; Holtzmann gave her a slightly lopsided smile, far from her usual bright ones, and took a quick sip of her drink, having regained some of her self-control by the time she put the glass down again.

Erin smiled back at her, and once again, she found herself wondering if there was more to the way Holtzmann flirted with her than just fun, and again had to realize that there was only one way to find out.

There was no way she would try to find out in front of Abby and Patty though, not wanting any witnesses to her possible humiliation if Holtzmann should react badly; and so, she held her thoughts about this back, until they left the bar and parted ways, Erin lingering while Abby and Patty declared that they would go home.

“Holtz?” she said instead of saying she would, too, taking note of how Abby perked up, but didn’t say anything, “do you have a minute?”

Holtzmann nodded, giving her a questioning look; Abby shot them a curious glance too, but still didn’t comment, simply telling them to enjoy their evening before she left with Patty, the two women remaining on the sidewalk, Erin fidgeting visibly as she tried to find the right words. 

“What you said”, she finally started, “that was… very touching. And… I just wanted to let you know that you’re not alone, with feeling like you had no friends or family before Abby. Before us.”

Holtzmann gave a brief nod in response, then another one of those lopsided smiles; and Erin was watching her closely enough to see her gaze drop down to her lips for a moment, her heart skipping a beat as she realized what this might mean.

“Abby was my first friend, too”, she said, making Holtzmann look back up at her again, “and for a long time after I’d abandoned her, I had no friends. Just colleagues and acquaintances. Now I have her back, and I’m forever grateful for that, she means a lot to me… And so does Patty. And you. But perhaps, you mean more to me than a friend should.”

She saw the glimpse of hope in Holtzmann’s eyes then, and did what she had been thinking about ever since the words “come here often” had been said to her - she took a step forward, closing the gap between the engineer and herself, and kissed her, and Holtzmann kissed her back at once, not hesitating even for a second.

“You know”, Erin mumbled once they had pulled apart again, her cheeks flushed, while Holtzmann was grinning from ear to ear, “I think I need to get some more cream onto that bruise on my back. Want to come home with me and help me?”

“Anytime, cupcake”, Holtzmann gave back, her grin somehow widening even further; Erin smiled, and took her hand, suddenly not caring the slightest anymore what the people around them might think of this.

“Let’s go then”, she said, squeezing the engineer’s hand, and making her nod; they walked off together, and with each step, Erin felt happier, simply knowing that she had made the right choice.


	142. Not Quite Straight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This one's for aloc - featuring Holtzmann doing engineering and Erin having moments of bi-panic. Enjoy! :)

It was amazing, Erin thought to herself, how still Holtzmann could sit if she had to do delicate work. 

Usually, whenever she worked on things which weren’t all too fragile or small, she was dancing, singing along, making jokes; now though, as she was working on Abby’s Ghost Puncher and welding parts of it, she sat perfectly still, only her hands moving.

A closer look showed Erin that Holtzmann’s tongue was poking out between her lips, something she only ever did when she was highly focused on the task at hand; Erin thought that this was the cutest thing she had ever seen, and her own work was forgotten as she watched Holtzmann work.

She was amazed by how nimble Holtzmann’s fingers moved, how easily and securely they handled the delicate work; and as Erin watched, she found herself wondering what these fingers might feel like, moving over her skin, her cheeks flushing when she became aware of the road her thoughts were taking, and she hurriedly pushed them aside.

_ No, no, no _ , she scolded herself, cheeks still flaming as she forced herself to focus on her own work again,  _ no thinking about Holtzmann’s hands. You’re straight, remember? _

She tried to bring up an image of Kevin in her mind, remembering well how she had reacted to him the first time she had seen him - and she certainly hadn’t been overcompensating then, after how Holtzmann had danced for her minutes before the blonde man had shown up - and for a few moments, she even succeeded, seeing Kevin smile at her in her mind… before the image morphed, turned into Holtzmann, and she groaned, frustrated with herself. 

“You okay?” Holtzmann said, apparently having heard the noise, and making her jump; she quickly nodded, and gave a quite wide and quite fake smile, wondering if Holtzmann could tell that it was fake when the engineer gave her an odd look.

“This equation”, she said the first thing which came to her mind, “it’s being tedious. Sorry, I didn’t mean to disturb you, you looked quite focused…”

“That’s okay”, Holtzmann gave back, stretching and grimacing when her back cracked, loud enough so that Erin could hear it too, the physicist looking alarmed at the sound, “I think I need a break anyway, I love my job, but this can be a bit tedious, too. Wanna go grab lunch?”

“Sure”, Erin replied before she could allow herself to think about it; belatedly, she realized that she just had agreed to lunch with Holtzmann alone, and immediately felt nervous again, already knowing it would just be the two of them, Abby having brought soup from home and Patty being at the library for research.

_ It’s just lunch between colleagues, friends,  _ she reminded herself, hiding well how much the thought made her heart race and her palms sweat,  _ no need to be nervous.  _

Still she felt nervous when Holtzmann grabbed her jacket and asked her if she was ready to go; she made herself nod and reminded herself again that it was just two colleagues having lunch together while she pulled on her own jacket and grabbed her bag.

Just lunch, not more, certainly not a date.

_ Holtzmann doesn’t want to date you,  _ she reminded herself as she made her way downstairs with the engineer, calling out to Abby that they would go have lunch,  _ her flirting is just for fun. And even if she would want to date you, which she doesn’t, you’re straight, so you don’t want to date her. _

She kept telling herself these things as they left the firehouse together and headed for the nearest pizzeria, after Holtzmann had declared she wanted “flat food”; and despite how often she told herself that this was not a date and that they were just friends, she felt nervous, her palms were sweaty and her heart was beating fast, no matter how hard she tried to ignore it.

* * *

A few days went by, days during which Erin constantly reminded herself that she was straight and certainly not interested in Holtzmann that way, that they were just friends; keeping these facts in mind was made considerably harder by her own brain, as she found herself watching Holtzmann more and more often, and more than once caught herself imagining how Holtzmann’s nimble hands would feel on her body.

Or her tongue, whenever she got a glimpse of it.

Erin tried hard to ignore these thoughts, no matter how tingly they made her feel in certain areas; she also tried to distract herself by watching Kevin, watched him carry around things so she could see his muscles moved, or watch him be on the phone so she could hear his voice.

Unlike when she had seen him for the first time though, these things did nothing for her; he still was pretty to look at, she knew that he was well built and handsome, but it didn’t make her  _ feel _ anything.

Watching Holtzmann did make her feel things, things which concerned her and made her feel bad, things which made her doubt very much that she was straight.

_ No _ , she scolded herself when she caught herself watching Holtzmann yet again, forcing herself to focus on her work again, her cheeks heating up as she wondered if sooner or later, Holtzmann would catch her staring and would ask why she was looking at her like that, and she had no idea what she would say then.

_ Because I’m so attracted to you, it’s ridiculous. Because I want to know what kissing you would feel like, taste like. Because I had the best time of my life when we went for lunch that one time, and now, I want to go on a proper date with you, and have that much fun again. _

She knew that she could never say any of these things out loud - she was weird enough, she told herself, with her anxieties and insecurities and her actual job, she didn’t need to add to this by being anything else than straight.

On the other hand, a small voice reasoned within her, the same voice which had made her go along to Aldridge Mansion all those months ago, Holtzmann was weird, too, eccentric and quirky… and very much not straight, Erin knew, in fact, Holtzmann probably was the gayest person she had ever met.

And she knew that Abby and Patty wouldn’t judge if she’d turn out to be not as straight as they thought; they had no problem with Holtzmann after all, either, so they certainly wouldn’t mind if she told them she wasn’t straight.

“Hey Erin”, Holtzmann distracted her from those thoughts, and she looked up at the engineer; Holtz was standing in front of her desk, and the sunlight came in through the window at the perfect angle, lighting up her hair and making her eyes look impossibly bright and blue.

“I want to go out with you”, Erin blurted out before she could stop herself, suddenly too overwhelmed by what she was feeling to hold the words back; clearly, being asked out on a date had been the last thing Holtzmann had expected when she had come to the physicist, and all she could do was blink.

“Oh God”, Erin was mortified when her brain finally caught up with her mouth, her eyes going wide; Holtzmann blinked again, and that lack of reaction only made Erin feel worse, the physicist just having to get out of there, practically shooting up from her seat and hurrying towards the stairs, just eager to get away from this humiliation. 

“Erin!” she heard Holtzmann behind her, followed by quick footsteps as the engineer rushed after her, then past her, stopping in front of her and forcing her to stop, as well; she stared at Holtz, feeling close to tears, knowing she’d start to cry when Holtz would deliver the final blow in a second and tell her she had no interest in her.

“I want to go out with you, too”, Holtzmann said instead, and now, it was Erin’s turn to blink, as she truly hadn’t been expecting to hear that, her mouth actually falling open.

“I’ve wanted to go out with you ever since I read the book”, the engineer continued at Erin’s lack of reaction, “and that only intensified when you walked into the lab, back at Higgins. So I’m really, really happy right now that you said that.”

“I’m not sure I can do it”, Erin had to backpedal, fidgeting nervously now, only feeling worse at the confused look Holtzmann gave her now, “Holtz, I… All my life, I’ve… ignored this part of me. The part which is… not straight. Now I can’t anymore, not when I’m around you but… I’m scared, of other people’s reactions, of this whole thing, of how it could ruin things if we don’t work out and…”

“I get that”, Holtzmann told her, surprising her again since she had been sure Holtz would react badly to those words, with how easy she made being out and proud seem, “it’s scary. I’ve been there, don’t look so surprised, it wasn’t that easy for me all my life, either. But… if you’re willing to give it a shot, so am I. And we’ll do it at your pace, no matter how fast or slow, alright?”

“You’re too kind and good”, Erin mumbled, feeling her cheeks heat up again, “anyone else would have been at this, but you just… You make me feel so good, all the time, even now, when I felt so bad, you make it all so much better and…”

She realized that she was rambling and made herself fall silent, swallowing heavily - before she threw caution to the wind and listened to that small, but brave part of herself, the part which told her that she could do this, especially with the support and patience Holtzmann just had promised, and so, she took a step closer to the blonde, closing the small gap between them, and kissed her, all her fears blown away by how good this kiss was feeling.

Holtzmann’s lips were softer than she had expected, tasting of coffee and the minty chewing gum she knew the engineer liked; and while Holtzmann kissed her back at once, she made no attempt to deepen the kiss, but kept it fairly chaste, already fulfilling her promise that she would let Erin set the pace.

And Erin kept things innocent, for now, not quite feeling ready to do more than share this tender, innocent kiss; she pulled back again, but she was smiling, and only felt better when Holtzmann immediately beamed back at her, daring enough to reach out and grasp Holtzmann’s hand, and rewarded immediately when she felt the engineer’s fingers curl around hers.

“I want to go out with you”, she said again, more controlled this time, and somehow, Holtzmann’s smile widened even further, until Erin was fairly sure the corners of her mouth would reach her earlobes any moment, “just you and me. On a proper date. Tonight?”

“Tonight it is”, Holtzmann smiled, and now Erin was the one grinning widely - before she pulled Holtzmann close to kiss her again, feeling those pleasant tingles again when their lips met.

She knew that there would be moments when the worries and fears would come back, when her anxiety would speak louder than the brave, but small part of herself… but she also knew that Holtzmann would be there to help her through these moments, would do anything to help her through them, and all at once, she simply knew that this was the right thing.


	143. A Voice in a Dream

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Erin likes Holtzmann's voice (and the rest of her, too), but she'd never admit it. Based on a prompt from aloc :D

Already when Holtzmann said “Come here often?”, Erin took note of her voice, even though she would never admit that to herself.

It was a nice voice, somewhat deep for a woman, but smooth and oddly soothing; it was a voice which had sent tingles up and down Erin’s spine when she had heard it for the first time, but that, too, was something she would never admit to herself.

Ever since she had abandoned Abby, she had spent her life trying to fit in, to be normal; it hadn’t been a happy life, she knew now, that was one thing she could admit to herself, it had been lonely and she had been unhappy, and she wasn’t lonely anymore now.

She was happier, too, happier than she had been in years, decades even, now that she was a Ghostbuster; old habits died hard though, and more often than not, she found herself eager to fit in, to please, to be seen as normal.

And being attracted to a female co-worker certainly wasn’t considered  _ normal _ by the people whose approval she had been craving for so long.

Part of her knew that these things shouldn’t matter that much to her, not anymore; after all the years she had spent thinking about how she was perceived and struggling for validation though, it was difficult to change her way of thinking from one day to the other.

Abby knew about the troubles she had with this, she already had been suffering from anxiety and panic attacks when they had been friends in High School, and from what Abby knew about Erin’s life during the time they’d had no contact, it certainly hadn’t been good for the physicist’s mental health.

Abby was eager to help her, she knew, but not even Abby knew about her attraction to Holtzmann; and Abby didn’t know about other things, either, about how she’d wake up in the middle of the night after horrible nightmares, about how she had developed a habit of talking to herself to fill the silence in her lonely life, about how she spent as much time as possible at the firehouse because her home didn’t feel like a home to her, never had.

Perhaps, Erin thought to herself, Abby had noticed some of these things, she knew that her best friend was more perceptive than people often thought; if she had, she didn’t bring it up though, didn’t flat-out ask her if she worked overtime so much because she didn’t want to go home and why she sometimes murmured under her breath when she sat at her desk.

If Holtzmann and Patty noticed these things, they didn’t comment on them, either, and Erin was somewhat grateful for that; she wasn’t sure how she would have reacted, had they confronted her about her oddness, but then, she figured, Holtzmann was more eccentric than all three of them combined, so her own oddities probably paled in comparison. 

And she was glad about that, as Holtzmann’s personality was enough to move attention towards her; Patty had a natural talent for talking to press people, too, and so, whenever they gave interviews or were more or less ambushed after a bust, Patty did most of the talking, and Holtzmann just was herself, which was enough to distract people from Erin.

Erin was glad about that, not quite feeling confident enough to speak to press people the way Patty did, with her natural charm and humour; her confidence grew though as she worked with her colleagues, she found herself happier and more relaxed with each day that passed, which was good.

She also found herself more and more attracted to Holtzmann, and that was not so good.

Not only was she terrified at the thought of being anything but straight - she knew Abby and Patty wouldn’t judge her, they didn’t judge Holtzmann, either, they’d support her and love her just the same, but old habits did die hard - but also afraid that Holtzmann might laugh in her face, should she make some sort of move or declaration; she wasn’t sure which of the two ideas scared her more, being not straight or being rejected, but she knew that being rejected would be worse for the group as a whole, and so, she kept her thoughts and feelings to herself.

Not speaking about them didn’t make them go away though, and so, it wasn’t truly a surprise for her when her mind found another way to deal with her emotions.

She always had had vivid dreams, especially ever since the ghost of her neighbour had haunted her when she had been a child; and so, these feelings she didn’t truly want to confront or acknowledge came forward in her dreams, and did so in the form of Holtzmann’s voice.

_ Come here often? I’ve heard terrible things about you. _

_ It’s 2040. Our president is a plant. _

_...and to love is what you have shown me, I love you. _

_ I love you. _

_ I love you… _

Holtzmann hadn’t been speaking just to her when she had said these words, but still Erin woke with longing in her heart, allowing herself for just a second to wish that the words had been solely for her; then, she rolled back over and went back to sleep, forgetting all about Holtzmann’s voice in her dreams. 

Until the next morning, when she arrived at the firehouse and Holtzmann greeted her happily, the dream slamming back to the front of her mind the second she heard the engineer’s voice.

Thinking back to this made her flush, and she wanted to groan, figuring that surely, Holtzmann would think she was an idiot if she randomly blushed for no apparent reason; she fled to her desk quickly, before the engineer could ask what was going on, barely noticing that she mumbled to herself as she started up her laptop.

“Don’t drive yourself crazy, Erin”, she advised herself, cheeks still flaming despite how she tried to reassure herself, “there’s nothing to worry about, it happens, it means nothing to dream about a co-worker’s voice like that. And Holtzmann does have a nice voice, that can’t be denied.”

“You think I have a nice voice?” Holtzmann said from her right, and she jumped, eyes wide, feeling herself flush again when she realized that the engineer had moved over to her desk and had heard at least her last few words, perhaps even more.

“Um, I, um”, she stuttered, not sure what to say; if she hadn’t been so surprised, she might have come up with an excuse, but as it was, she could only stutter and stare, Holtzmann looking concerned after a moment, clearly not having expected this sort of reaction. 

“I’m sorry”, she said, feeling bad now for startling Erin like this, “I didn’t mean to startle you, I just wanted to ask if you want some coffee, too, and heard you talking to yourself.”

“Oh God”, Erin let out, mortified at having been caught like that - Phil had walked in on her talking to herself during her time at Columbia once, and had been rather snide about it, having told her that it made her seem unstable and weird, and surely, Holtzmann would think the same now.

The mere thought of Holtzmann seeing her as unstable and weird only made her feel worse, and she felt an all too well known panic rise in her chest; her breath quickened, and Holtzmann looked alarmed at once, stepping closer, but not touching Erin, keeping her hands to herself despite how hard it was.

“Erin”, she said instead of touching the physicist, having realized quickly what was happening and knowing that physical contact without warning or consent could make it much worse, “cupcake? Look at me, it’s okay. Look at me, please?”

She lowered herself into a crouch so that she was on eye-level with the physicist, glad when she managed to catch Erin’s gaze; she could see the fear in Erin’s eyes, and felt bad all over again, knowing that she’d played a part in causing this.

“It’s okay”, she said again, “you’re safe here, nothing bad is gonna happen. Is it okay if I touch you?”

Erin managed a brief nod, still breathing with harsh, hectic gasps; moving slightly, Holtzmann put one hand on her back and rubbed it soothingly, alarmed again at how tense Erin was, and she was pretty sure that, had the physicist not been dressed, she would have felt cold sweat on her skin. 

“Okay, good”, she said, in the kindest, most soothing tone she managed, still rubbing Erin’s back, “keep looking at me, okay? Try to breathe slowly, like I do. Focus on my hand on your back, can you do that for me? Focus on the rhythm.”

She started rubbing deliberate slow circles, glad when it seemed to help, as Erin’s erratic breathing slowed down a bit again; she still looked frightened though, more scared than Holtzmann had ever seen her, and it broke the engineer’s heart.

“It’s okay”, she said again, not quite sure what the exact reason for Erin’s sudden anxiety was and not wanting to make it worse by saying the wrong thing, but at the same time feeling as if these phrases wouldn’t help much, either, “can you tell me what’s wrong? What can I do to make it better?”

“Shouldn’t have heard”, Erin brought out, swallowing heavily, suddenly finding it hard to look at the engineer again, “you’ll think I’m… unstable and weird and… no normal person talks to themselves…”

“Erin, sweetheart, no”, Holtzmann told her at once, feeling bad for her all over again - she never had spoken to Erin about this, but it hadn’t been hard to tell that she had been lonely before the Ghostbusters, lonely and unhappy, and talking to herself probably had been one of her ways to cope, “I’d never think that. You’re a badass, brilliant Ghostbuster and particle physicist, and a little quirk such as talking to yourself would never make me think less of you. Come on, I’m dancing with blowtorches on a regular basis, you think that will freak me out?”

“You’re not just saying that?” Erin wanted to know, eyes still glistening with unshed tears; Holtzmann shook her head at once, smiling at her, still rubbing her back gently, not willing to pull back just yet.

“I’m not”, she reassured her verbally as well, “I mean it. And I bet Abby and Patty would agree. We all have our quirks, and unlike mine, yours doesn’t set things on fire, so yay for that.”

At this, Erin gave her a slightly watery smile, but a single tear escaped despite her efforts to hold it back; it trickled down her cheek, and without thinking, Holtzmann moved her free hand to gently wipe it off with her thumb, freezing when she noticed how Erin swallowed heavily at the touch.

“I was always worried”, Erin blurted out before Holtzmann could say something, maybe apologize for the touch, “what people think of me. How they see me. And I… repressed so many things and… sometimes they come up in my dreams then. Last night, I heard your voice in my dream.”

Holtzmann just nodded, encouraging her to go on; Erin swallowed heavily, still not finding this easy, but knowing she had revealed too much already, and suddenly not willing to backpedal, eager to get this out into the open, no matter what consequences it might have, knowing it would only eat away at her otherwise. 

“I heard your voice telling me that you love me”, Erin continued after a moment, having to swallow again as she knew that she might be about to destroy the friendship with Holtzmann for good, “and… I liked… that. I like you. Not just as a friend. I…”

Holtzmann interrupted her, but in the sweetest way she ever had been interrupted - by leaning in and kissing her, the kiss tasting a bit salty from Erin’s tears, but still it was the best and most tender kiss she’d ever had, and it made her eyes well up yet again as she responded.

When Holtzmann pulled back again after a while, Erin found herself smiling widely; the engineer beamed back at her, her smile impossibly widening even further when the physicist spoke up.

“That was really nice”, Erin let her know, cheeks colouring again; Holtzmann nodded her agreement, and Erin smiled at her for another moment before she leaned in for another kiss, unable to hold back a small sigh when their lips met again.  
  
This time, she moved to let the kiss deepen, and when it did, all her worries and insecurities were forgotten at how good and  _ right _ this felt.


	144. (Not So) Public Display of Affection

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Erin is holding back about PDAs, but not for the reason Holtzmann thinks.

The first time Holtzmann and Erin kissed, it was upstairs at the firehouse lab, and while neither of them had planned for it to happen at this exact moment, it didn’t come as a particular surprise, either.

They had been approaching this moment for a while after all, constantly drawn closer together as Erin had begun to respond to Holtzmann’s flirtations; and right after their first kiss, several more followed, and kept being shared during the next days.

All those kisses, Holtzmann noticed quickly though, happened in the privacy of the firehouse, where no one but Abby, Patty and sometimes Kevin could see; whenever they were out in public, Erin seemed oddly restrained, treating her just like the other two, not letting it show in any way that they were actually a couple. 

Holtzmann knew Erin though, and didn’t let this bother her; she figured that the physicist simply wasn’t comfortable with the idea of outing herself to the world yet, all too aware of how long Erin’s biggest concern in her life had been how others saw her, and knowing that this way of thinking couldn’t be stopped from one day to the next.

If she had been aware of the true reason for Erin holding back with public displays of affection, she might have brought it up much faster; as it was though, she simply accepted Erin’s need to act as colleagues and friends whenever others were around, and didn’t mention it to the redhead.

The thought of random strangers knowing about her relationship with Holtzmann had made Erin uncomfortable, at first; she quickly stopped worrying about this, thanks to the confidence being a Ghostbuster gave her, but not even that allowed her to forget about the true reason for not daring to attempt any sort of affectionate gesture in public.

She still remembered how much it had stung whenever she had tried to do so with Phil and he had brushed her off or had dodged her, and had told her that this was childish and not appropriate for a woman her age. 

The mere thought of Holtzmann reacting this way, should Erin try to kiss her or hold her hand in public, made the physicist’s heart clench up; and so, she ignored the urge to touch her or be closer to her than friends should whenever they were in public, telling herself that this short, little amount of pain would be easier to handle than outright rejection from her girlfriend. 

And she managed to control these small impulses, for quite a while… until one afternoon, when she was high on adrenaline after a rather long bust during which the ghost had put up quite the fight, loud and long enough that a bunch of people had amassed outside the building, journalists and random civilians alike, all of them cheering when the Ghostbusters stepped outside at last and Holtzmann held up the smoking trap.

“Ghostbusters, Ghostbusters”, the people chanted, and the journalists took pictures and all tried to ask a question, and this, combined with adrenaline from the bust, all at once made Erin forget all self-control - and she turned, grabbed Holtzmann around the waist, yanked her closer and kissed her, part of her registering that the cheering intensified audibly at the sight.

Only when she felt Holtzmann’s arms wrap around her, she realized fully what she was doing, pulling back with her eyes wide, thinking guiltily about how she had given Holtzmann no chance to avoid this; to her slight relief though, the engineer didn’t look annoyed or angry, but was beaming at her, still holding on to her, and apparently not planning to let go.

“Um”, Erin let out, then fell silent as she realized that now was not the best moment to apologize or to say anything else; and so, she just gave Holtzmann a slightly embarrassed smile, something the engineer picked up on at once, but didn’t make a comment about, either, figuring that they could talk about whatever it was once they’d be back at the firehouse and would have some privacy.

* * *

 

“Um, Holtzmann?” Erin approached the engineer fairly quickly after their return to the firehouse, “do you have a minute?”

“For you, always, cupcake”, Holtzmann gave back, putting down the wire she’d been stripping and the pliers she’d been using, “what is it?”

“I, um, I’m sorry”, Erin blurted out, earning a confused look which prompted her to elaborate, “for just… smooching you out of nowhere today, and in front of all these people, too. I know this wasn’t appropriate, and I’m sorry.”

Holtzmann could only blink, not having expected this at all; Erin fidgeted nervously as she waited for her reply, the way her fingers twitched showing how uncomfortable she was, but despite this clear sign, she held Holtzmann’s gaze, in an attempt to show that she was sincere and meant it and that it wouldn’t happen again.

“Wait”, Holtzmann finally regained the ability to speak, “you’re apologizing for… kissing me? In public?”

“Yes”, Erin confirmed, blushing at the fresh embarrassment this made her feel, “I know it’s not a thing adults should do, I mean, we’re professionals, not horny teenagers.”

Something about the way Erin said this, about her choice of words and inflection, showed Holtzmann that these weren’t her own thoughts and words, and the flash of dismay and even longing she saw in the other woman’s eyes only confirmed this; and so, she got up from her seat and took her hand, smiling a hopefully reassuring smile at her as she asked her to come with her.

Erin was a bit confused at that, but willingly went with her; Holtzmann led her downstairs, then outside, stopping on the sidewalk in front of the firehouse, turning to look at her only once the door had fallen close behind them.

“There is nothing to feel sorry about when you show your feelings”, the engineer told her, Erin not quite sure where she was going with this, but not interrupting her, belatedly realizing that Holtzmann still held on to her hand and apparently wasn’t planning to let go anytime soon, “so whenever you want to kiss me, or hug me, or hold my hand, you can do that, alright? Anytime, anywhere.”

And with those words, she leaned in and kissed her, right there on the sidewalk; and even though Erin was startled, she kissed her back after a moment, finding herself unable to care about the people walking past and seeing them. 

“Hmmm”, Erin hummed after the kiss, cheeks reddened again, but not from embarrassment this time, “that was nice. You really don’t mind…?”

“Please”, Holtzmann gave back, smiling, “a beautiful woman holding my hand or kissing me in public? What could there be to mind?”

Erin shrugged, suddenly finding it hard to look her in the eye; she stared down onto her feet instead, and Holtzmann, sensing that she was about to reveal something important, squeezed her hand reassuringly, but didn’t say anything, giving her time to find the right words without interrupting her.

“Before the Ghostbusters”, Erin finally did speak up, “I had… a boyfriend, I guess, a colleague, from Columbia. He’d always tell me how… doing anything like this was childish and inappropriate, and the few guys I was with before him weren’t all too big on it, either, so I thought…”

Holtzmann wondered why Erin would actually date someone who treated her that way, but figured that now was a bad time to ask; and so, she just shook her head, and gave her another smile, glad when the physicist smiled back at her almost immediately. 

“Well, that is bullshit”, she said, deciding to be blunt and making Erin gape at her, “there’s no age limit for being tender and loving with your partner. You’re my girlfriend, and if you’re fine with, I’d be more than happy to let the world know. Honestly, I thought you’re holding back because, well…”

“Because I always worry what others think of me”, Erin finished for her, suddenly ashamed  - here she had been thinking that Holtzmann wouldn’t want to publicly show that they were dating, and instead, Holtzmann had been sure that Erin didn’t want anyone to realize, worried more about what others were thinking than about what she truly wanted.

“I’m sorry”, she added, feeling so bad all at once that it made her heart clench up, “I honestly thought… I just should have said something. I’m sorry.”

“Well, we cleared it up now, so it’s all good”, Holtzmann told her, smiling and making her smile again as well, “and I’m glad we did so, because if it’s up to me, I’m gonna hold your hand all the time.”

“I’d like that”, Erin let her know, earning another bright smile; and then, the physicist leaned in for another kiss, suddenly feeling as if a great weight had been taken off her shoulders, and all at once sure that from now on, this relationship would only keep getting better. 


	145. First Aid

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Holtzmann is careless, but Erin is prepared.

For once, the firehouse was quiet as Erin, Abby and Patty sat at their respective desks and worked, the only noise being their typing; and upstairs at the lab, Holtzmann was doing something relatively quiet too, no sounds heard from her workspace.

This was highly unusual, and it distracted Erin more from her work than small to medium poofs did, said poofs having become a more or less regular thing; she glanced up from her work every now and then to see if Abby and Patty were so oddly distracted as well, but they either didn’t notice or didn’t let it show, making her wonder if she paid more attention to this than strictly necessary.

She knew that she was thinking about Holtzmann more than a colleague and friend probably should, but couldn’t quite help herself; while she had been simply fascinated by the quirky and eccentric engineer at first, this had turned into something more, something beyond friendship, and she wasn’t quite sure how to handle this.

“Hey Erin”, Patty distracted her from these thoughts, “it’s been a while since Holtzy has come downstairs for a drink, wanna go up and check to make sure she’s not dehydrating up there?"

“Sure”, Erin gave back at once, belatedly wondering why Patty would ask her instead of going up there herself; then, she shrugged it off and saved her work before she came to her feet, moving to the fridge to grab a bottle of water from it before she made her way upstairs..

“Hey Holtz”, she greeted as she entered the lab, Holtzmann looking up from the proton pack she had been doing maintenance on and smiling at her, the smile making her feel decidedly tingly inside, “apparently, I’m on Holtz-duty today, so Patty sent me to make sure you don’t die of thirst up here.”

She held up the water bottle for emphasis, Holtzmann’s smile widening in response - she was prone to forget eating and drinking when she got lost in her work, and clearly, her colleagues had taken note of this fact, the care this simple gesture showed for her warming up her heart.

“Thanks hot stuff”, she said, Erin blushing at the pet name as she always did, “I’d dry out if it wasn’t for you guys. Then I’d look like the victims of the creepy ghost in those The Ring movies."

“Never seen”, Erin told her as she handed her the bottle of water, finding herself oddly fascinated by Holtzmann’s hands when she opened it and by her lips and throat when she drank deeply from it, “I’m not big on horror movies. How’s the work going?”

“Good”, Holtzmann said, gesturing at her to step closer, something Erin gladly did, ending up next to the engineer, close enough that she could feel the warmth of her body, “I fixed the crack in the Faraday cage and…”

Holtzmann was telling her more about the repairs she had made, but Erin found it hard to listen, too distracted by having Holtzmann so close to her, by her scent and warmth and how her hands moved as she spoke; Holtzmann apparently didn’t notice that Erin wasn’t truly listening to her, the physicist only snapping out of her engineer-induced trance when she realized that said engineer had fallen silent and was looking at her.

“Impressive”, she said, feeling herself blush again as she hoped that Holtzmann hadn’t noticed her tuning out after all, “we can be happy to have you on the team Holtz, this wouldn’t work without you.”

“Aw”, Holtzmann let out, a bit bashful; Erin smiled at her, then watched how Holtzmann picked up her screwdriver again, not quite willing to go back downstairs yet - only to flinch back in shock when Holtzmann’s hand slipped and she let out a yelp, blood dripping onto the workbench moments later.

“Oh my God!” Erin cried out, shocked, even though she felt a bit of relief when she saw that the cut didn’t appear too deep, slashed across the ball of Holtzmann’s thumb, “Holtz, poor you, let me see that…”

She took careful hold of Holtzmann’s hand and peered at the wound, making sure it really wasn’t so deep that it’d need stitches; she figured that it still should be cleaned and covered with a band-aid though, letting go of Holtzmann’s hand again as she asked her where she kept her first-aid kit.

“Oh I don’t have one”, Holtzmann gave back, digging through her pockets with her uninjured hand until she found a tissue, Erin’s eyes widening, “I usually just use hankies.”

“What!” Erin was startled, eyes widening, “Holtzmann! No. That’s not how you take care of injuries! Go hold this under cold water, I’ll be right back.”

The strict tone of her voice allowed no protest, and so Holtzmann went to do as she had been told; it didn’t take long until Erin came back, and Holtzmann was amazed to see that she carried a sort of makeshift first-aid kit, with a tiny bottle of disinfectant, a pack of band-aids and even a roll of gauze, all neatly packed into a small bag.

“Erin Gilbert”, Holtzmann said with a small laugh, shaking her head, “you carry this around in your bag?”

“No”, Erin replied primly, “it was in my desk. I can’t believe you don’t have at least the basics, I’m glad now I brought this from home. Sit down here and let me take care of that cut.”

“Yes dear”, Holtzmann replied without thinking, realizing a bit too late what kind of endearment she had used, one quite different from how she addressed Erin usually; and apparently, Erin had picked up on it as well, blushing a bit yet again, but making no comment as she took hold of the engineer’s hand.

“This might sting a bit”, she warned, uncapping the little bottle of disinfectant; Holtzmann just shrugged, grit her teeth though when Erin sprayed it onto the wound, the physicist giving her an apologetic look as she reached for a packed piece of gauze she had brought along.

Carefully, she cleaned the wound, making sure to be thorough, Holtzmann watching her in silence; it didn’t take long until the cut had been cleaned, Erin giving her a brief smile as she put the cloth aside and covered the wound with a band-aid, making sure it sat properly before she nodded, satisfied with her work. 

“There”, she said, letting go of the engineer’s hand, “and now, I’ll go out and buy you a proper first aid kit. Just in case.”

“Thank you”, Holtzmann said, more sincere than Erin had been expecting - before she leaned in and kissed the physicist on the cheek, Erin just capable of staring at her when she pulled back and gave her a smile and a wink.

“Back to work I go!” she announced, practically hopping back to her project; Erin remained where she was, a wide, happy smile on her face now, her heart racing in her chest.

She never would have thought her little first-aid kit would come so in handy. 


	146. Take My Pain Away

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Based on a wonderful art aloc made - it'll be added at the end of the chapter :D

Erin just had been trying to help.

Holtzmann had been doing all of the equipment building and maintenance, and Erin had thought this highly unfair, and so, she just had been trying to help.

She had done exactly as Holtzmann had said, or so she had thought, she’d thought she had done a good job, she had been proud of herself, not used to working with her hands, feeling as if she had accomplished something great when she had told Holtzmann that the work the engineer had shown her had been done.

Now, hours after she had finished her work on the Ghost Puncher, they were back at the firehouse… three of them, at least, Abby forced to stay in the hospital overnight.

_ Because you failed _ , Erin acidly thought to herself, staring at the piles of papers of her theoretical work, apparently the only sort of work she was good for,  _ because you failed and it malfunctioned and it’s your fault. _

The Ghost Puncher had simply stopped working, from one moment to the next, and the ghost had slammed into Abby, driving her back and into the wall behind her; she’d hit her head pretty hard, the doctor had said it was nothing serious, but they still wanted to keep her overnight just in case, and Erin couldn’t stop herself from imagining a thousand ways how this could have ended much worse, and it all would have been her fault.

And she knew that Holtzmann and Patty thought the same, Patty having gone home straight from the hospital and Holtzmann having gone right upstairs without even looking at her once, not even having bothered to take off her slime-covered coveralls, Erin’s heart clenching up painfully at the thought that right now, neither of them could even stand looking at her, after what she had done, after how she had failed. 

_ Maybe you should just quit _ , she thought to herself, gaze still focused on all her papers, all the numbers and equations,  _ you know they don’t need you for this, Abby can do this just as well as you can, Holtzmann built the first prototype without any new input from you. You might as well go and find some job where you won’t put others in danger. _

She ran a shaky hand through her hair, said hair still damp from the shower she had taken - unlike Holtzmann, she had taken the time to change out of her slimed clothing, and had put on fresh clothes after having washed the green gunk off - then just stood there, leaning on her desk and staring at her work, her dark thoughts going round and round in her mind, not granting her a moment of peace.

Upstairs, at the same time, Holtzmann was sitting on her favourite windowsill, staring out into the rainy day, not caring that she was sitting in a puddle of slime and that more of the green goo was clinging to her back and arms; sitting with her knees drawn up to her chest, she stared out of the window without truly seeing anything, the scene of how the ghost had slammed into Abby and had hurt her playing over and over in her mind’s eye. 

She let out an unhappy sigh, telling herself that Abby would be alright, the doctor had said so after all; she had seen the look in Erin’s eyes though when they had come back to the firehouse, and she could imagine quite well what Erin was thinking right now, probably at her desk downstairs.

Not many people knew this, but Holtzmann could be perceptive, if she wanted to be, and she certainly had wanted to be with Erin, and so she knew quite well by now how the physicist’s mind worked. 

What she didn’t know was how to make it better though, not really; in the past, whenever she had noticed that Erin was being plagued by the dark voices of her own mind, she had distracted her with dancing and cheesy jokes and one-liners, but she was quite sure that this wouldn’t be enough this time, not after the look which had been on Erin’s face when Abby had been loaded into the ambulance.

As always when she found herself faced with any sort of dilemma she couldn’t solve quickly, Holtzmann’s gaze drifted to the cactus at the other end of the windowsill; it had been a gift from Dr Gorin, her mentor dryly having told her that having plants in a lab was good for the soul and the mind, and that cacti were hard to kill, even for someone like Holtzmann, who had no green thumb at all. 

And as always, looking at the plant helped, as it led Holtzmann to wonder what Dr Gorin would do; and it made her think back to how often Gorin had told her that communication was important, no matter what, that many issues could be resolved or completely avoided by just talking, and listening, and so, after another moment, Holtzmann hopped off the windowsill, determined to heed her mentor’s words and to make this right.

Not caring that she was still in her slime-covered overalls, Holtzmann made her way downstairs, leaving drops of slime here and there; the firehouse’s ground floor was silent, which was unusual, since Erin had taken to playing music quietly whenever she worked, and that already was the first sign that something was wrong.

Erin wasn’t sitting at her desk and working, either, Holtzmann could tell at the first glance, and that was another sign; instead, the redhead was standing, leaning heavily on the desk, her head bowed, and just from one look at her back, Holtzmann could tell how tense Erin was.

“Erin?” Holtzmann said, not wanting to startle her; she didn’t manage that though, Erin flinching visibly before she turned to face the engineer, Holtzmann’s heart clenching up at how reddened and watery her eyes were, showing that she either had cried or was about to cry, or perhaps even both. 

“I’m sorry”, Erin said before Holtzmann had the chance to say anything else, “I know it’s my fault. I’ll resign, find some other job where I can’t put people in danger, you won’t have to fire me…”

Her voice cracked, and her gaze dropped as fresh tears welled up in her eyes; Holtzmann had been right in her assumption that Erin had cried before she had come downstairs, and now, the physicist fought to hold the tears back, not quite succeeding though, and she quickly turned back to her desk, before Holtzmann could see them fall.

“Erin, honey, no”, Holtzmann said, mind racing as she tried to figure out what she could say to make this better, “no one wants you to resign.”

She stepped closer and dared putting one hand on Erin’s back, glad when the physicist didn’t react badly to her touch; she briefly glanced at her, then shrugged and wiped at her eyes, still sounding teary when she responded.

“It was my fault”, she said, Holtzmann rubbing her back in an attempt to soothe her, “that Abby got hurt. I did the maintenance on the Ghost Puncher, and then it malfunctioned, and she got hurt…”

“It was not your fault”, Holtzmann said emphatically, earning a doubtful look from the physicist, “I checked, you did nothing wrong. Alright? And even if you had, it would have been on me, because I was the one who told you what to do.”

“Unless I did something you told me wrong”, Erin mumbled, not willing to accept the engineer’s words so fast, “and this is not like making a mistake at an equation, which can be easily fixed by wiping it out and doing it over. This caused someone to get hurt, and it could have been so much worse…”

“I checked”, Holtzmann repeated, “and you did nothing wrong. Nothing at all. Slime got where it’s not supposed to get, and that shortened it out, but that’s not your mistake, alright? If anything, it’s on me, because it’s a flaw in how it was originally built, and I did that, not you. Please stop blaming yourself, and please, Erin, don’t talk about resigning, this place will crumble without you.”

Erin still looked doubtful, but didn’t try to protest anymore, for the moment, Holtzmann figured that this was a good thing, a step in the right direction, and smiled, still rubbing Erin’s back.

“I mean it”, she said, eager to bring her point across, “none of this could work without you. Who would do all the tedious paperwork? Can you imagine me doing a report for the mayor? He’d have an aneurysm trying to read it, and then Jennifer Lynch would be unemployed and pissed and would send a hitman after me.”

Her absurd scenario had the desired effect, as Erin let out a small laugh; it wasn’t the burst of laughter Holtzmann had been hoping for, but better than nothing, and she smiled brightly, glad that she had made Erin laugh at least a tiny bit.

“Believe me”, Holtzmann said again, glad that Erin didn’t look as if she was about to burst into tears anymore, “you did nothing wrong. It’s not your fault. Okay?”

In response, Erin just looked at her for a few more seconds - before she suddenly turned, just enough so that she was full on facing her, and threw both arms around her in a tight embrace, Holtzmann hugging her back at once, patting her back reassuringly, keeping in mind what Dr Gorin had said about doing so with too much force and trying to not do it too hard.

“Thank you”, Erin whispered into her ear, her warm breath on the sensitive skin there sending pleasant shivers up and down Holtzmann’s spine, a reaction she tried hard to hide - this was not a good time, she told herself, Erin was upset and didn’t need to be burdened now with the knowledge that Holtzmann had a massive crush on her, “I really… needed to hear that. Thank you.”

“Nothing to thank me for”, Holtzmann gave back, with another smile, “fixing stuff is my job around here, you know, and that includes fixing the skewed self-perception of a colleague and friend very dear to me.”

Erin pulled back just enough so she could smile at her, her arms still around the engineer, and their eyes met; for a few moments, they just looked at each other, Holtzmann’s heart hammering in her chest so hard that she was sure Erin could hear it - before she, suddenly and quite unexpectedly, felt soft lips on her own, and her heart leapt all the way up to her throat as she belatedly realized what was happening.

It had taken her a bit too long though, apparently, since Erin pulled back, looking quite startled, either at what she had done or at Holtzmann’s lack of reaction or both; thankfully, Holtzmann’s brain didn’t fail her this time, and she made up for not reacting fast enough by doing so now, leaning in and kissing the physicist before she could say something. 

Unlike her, Erin didn’t need any time to react, kissing her back at once; and by the time they pulled apart again, the physicist was smiling, a happy genuine smile now, prompting Holtzmann to grin back at her just as brightly, their arms still around each other.

“Abby’s gonna yell at me”, Erin said, quite the random comment; Holtzmann blinked, and the redhead let out a little giggle, then shrugged, a blush colouring her cheeks as she continued, gave an explanation.

“She told me weeks ago I should just go for it”, she let the engineer know, prompting her to raise an eyebrow - she remembered well how Erin had reacted to Kevin, and since she had noticed no such reaction towards her, she had been quite sure that Erin had no such feelings for her, quite surprised at how well the physicist apparently had hidden them, “if I tell her that she had to get hit by a ghost and end up in the hospital for me to do it, she’ll give me a concussion of my own.”

“Aw, I won’t let her”, Holtzmann reassured her, making her giggle again - before she pulled her in for another kiss, the last bits of her fears and worries puffing away as she felt Holtzmann’s lips on hers again. 

* * *


	147. Reasonable Cactus

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A little follow-up to yesterday's one-shot :D

Erin had often secretly wondered how it would be to kiss Holtzmann, had fantasized about it, even, but not even in her most detailed fantasies, it had been as good as the real thing was. 

Holtzmann was an amazing kisser, Erin had learned quickly, and quite gifted when it came to figuring out what she liked; it only had taken two or three deep kisses for the engineer to know exactly what she had to do to make her feel weak in the knees, and Holtzmann made ample use of this new knowledge.

And Erin was more than willing to give her chances to use it, finding excuses to go upstairs to her lab rather frequently; if Patty was noticing, she didn’t make any comment, and Erin was glad about it, knowing that they had to tell Abby and Patty they were dating now sooner rather than later, but not wanting to let Patty know while Abby was still in the hospital.

So, she found excuse after excuse (“Holtzmann needs these numbers quickly”, “I better make sure Holtz is drinking enough”, “I think I heard a poof, I better go see if Holtz is okay”), and shared kiss after kiss with the engineer, and judging from how Holtzmann’s eyes lit up each time Erin came to her, she was quite happy about this, as well.

“I have to ask Holtz about lunch” had been her latest excuse, and she  _ had _ asked, but immediately after Holtzmann had given her answer, she had kissed her again, and for the last few minutes, they had been making out instead of talking about lunch, Erin leaning against Holtzmann’s workbench, her arms around the engineer’s neck while Holtz had hers around Erin’s waist.

“I think I have a concussion after all”, Abby’s voice from the stairs interrupted them somewhat unexpectedly and even a bit roughly, prompting them to flinch apart, Erin feeling her cheeks heat up, “because I come up here to tell you guys I’m back and find you making out? Surely I’m hallucinating.”

“Oh, um, well”, Erin stammered, then nudged Holtzmann as she took note of the grin on the engineer’s face; a moment later though, said grin was mirrored by Abby, and Erin found herself smiling as well, even though she hadn’t wanted her friend to find out like this.

“Finally”, Abby said, moving over to the couple to pull them both into a hug, “honestly, watching you pine for each other for weeks was getting tiresome, I’m glad you guys finally made it.”

“Well, I have to thank Holtz being perceptive and sort of you”, Erin replied, blushing a bit again, “because I felt all bad and guilty about what had happened, and Holtz noticed and came to make it better.”

“My reasonable cactus helped”, Holtzmann replied solemnly, earning a confused look from Erin while Abby just smiled; making a mental note to ask Holtzmann about this later, Erin nodded when Abby suggested they should tell Patty now, too, the three of them then heading downstairs to order lunch and deliver the good news.

* * *

“Okay, I really want to know”, Erin said a while after lunch had been delivered and eaten, upstairs at the lab with Holtzmann again (after another flimsy excuse, and her cheeks still flaming from the shit-eating grin Abby had given her), “what was that about a reasonable cactus?”

“Oh, she’s over here”, Holtzmann helpfully replied, gesturing at the cactus on the window sill, Erin eying it curiously, “Erin, meet Becky, my reasonable cactus. Becky, Erin, my girlfriend.”

Erin noticed the brief, questioning she gave her as she said “girlfriend”, and smiled brightly; apparently, this was answer enough for Holtzmann, since she grinned too, said grin widening even further when Erin told the cactus it was nice to meet her.

“Doctor Gorin gave her to me”, Holtzmann added, Erin giggling at what she said next, “she was appalled when she learned I named her Becky and said she’s named after her. Word of advice, don’t ever call her Becky. Anyway, she said a lab needs something green, that’s good for the soul, and cacti are hard to kill, so she gifted me little Becky.”

“How sweet”, Erin gushed, touched by the thoughtful gift; personally, she found Doctor Gorin quite intimidating, but she could tell that the woman meant a lot to Holtzmann, and from what Holtzmann had revealed about her so far, the feeling was mutual.

“But why is she reasonable?” Erin realized that her initial question hadn’t been answered; Holtzmann smiled and shrugged, her response making the physicist smile as well.

“Because whenever I’m not quite sure what to do, I look at Becky, and that makes me think of Doctor Gorin”, Holtzmann explained, “and then I ask myself, what would she do? And that usually works. It’s what I did too when you were all upset and sad yesterday.”

“Well, thank you then, Becky”, Erin told the reasonable cactus, smiling; Holtzmann smiled as well, then pulled her close for a gentle kiss, letting out a small sigh when their lips met.

_ Thank you Becky, indeed. _


	148. In the Closet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Abby and Patty have enough of Erin and Holtzmann pining for each other and decide it's time to help them along.

Erin rested her chin in her hand as Holtzmann danced through the lab and sighed to herself, cheeks colouring slightly when the engineer caught her gaze and winked at her; across the lab, Abby held back a sigh and exchanged a look with Patty, the taller woman rolling her eyes in exasperation.

Missing this silent exchange, Erin cleared her throat, focusing on her work again; it didn’t take long until she got distracted again though, and once again by Holtzmann, the engineer dancing over to her, trailing a thin smoke cloud behind herself as she had her soldering iron in hand. 

“That is dangerous”, Erin said the first thing which came to her mind, eying the tool with trepidation; Holtzmann gave her a toothy grin and shrugged, then sat down on the edge of her desk, Erin’s nervousness only growing as she thought of all the papers and notes she had lying there. 

“Dangerous is my first name, hot stuff”, Holtzmann told her, artfully twirling the soldering iron; Erin raised an eyebrow and shook her head, both of them once again missing the look Abby and Patty exchanged at their antics.

“Your first name is Jillian”, Erin pointed out; Holtzmann just let out an “eh” sound and shrugged, then hopped off the desk and went back to her own workbench, Erin watching her go, looking at her backside decidedly longer than it was appropriate. 

“I’ll go get some coffee”, Erin said once she had managed to tear her eyes away, feeling her cheeks flush, “be right back.”

“I’ll get a refill, too”, Holtzmann stated, thankfully putting out the soldering iron before she followed Erin; and the moment they were out of earshot, Abby put her head down onto her desk and let out a groan, Patty snickering at the other woman’s exasperation. 

“I can’t watch this any longer”, Abby declared, shaking her head, “I just can’t. Those two dorks, how can they be so smart and yet so stupid?”

“It was entertaining at first”, Patty agreed, getting up from her seat and moving to Abby’s desk so they could talk in hushed voices, and make sure Erin and Holtzmann couldn’t hear them, “but now it’s just sad.Think we should do something?”

“Damn yes we should”, Abby nodded, face lighting up, “and I have the perfect idea what we should do.”

She motioned Patty closer and whispered into her ear, and Patty’s eyes lit up; she giggled and nodded her agreement, and they started working on their plan together, keeping quiet so Erin and Holtzmann wouldn’t get suspicious and wouldn’t realize what was up until it’d be too late.

* * *

“Look, it was here”, Abby said with an exaggerated nod, gesturing at the pipes in the storage room of the firehouse, “I swear I heard someone talk from in there, whispering at me when I went to get the vacuum cleaner.”

“Huh”, Holtzmann let out, standing on the tips of her toes to get closer to the pipes, even though it didn’t help much, “the containment unit is safe, so no ghost from there escaped to there. Can you get me the ladder so I can get a closer look? And the PKE meter?”

“Erin is getting the PKE meter”, Patty innocently replied, a bit too innocent perhaps, but Holtzmann was too focused on the possibly possessed pipes to notice; she also didn’t notice that Patty was remaining outside the storage room, but close to the door, or how Abby smirked at the taller woman when she walked past her, claiming she was gonna get the ladder.

“Here”, Erin was calling out to the others as she came hurrying down the stairs, PKE meter in hand, “I go the PKE meter.”

Patty moved aside to let her enter, waiting until Erin was right next to Holtzmann, and too far from the door to stop her - and then she closed the door, and locked it, hearing both women call out in surprise at this unexpected development. 

“Hey!” Erin protested, knocking the door when she realized it wouldn’t open, “what the… Patty? Are you possessed?!”

“Well, if I was, I wouldn’t tell you”, Patty pointed out, “but no, I’m not. Abby and I decided this has been going on long enough, the two of you pining for each other. We’ll only let you back out once you figured this out!”

“Right!” Abby called out in agreement, Erin and Holtzmann looking at each other, startled; they heard Abby and Patty tell them to behave, then giggle with each other before their footsteps moved away, Erin letting out a sigh as she shook her head. 

“I can’t believe they did this”, she said, turning to look at Holtzmann, “locking us up in here! Until what, until we tell them we’re dating?”

“Apparently”, Holtzmann said, smirking, “guess we were too obviously ‘pining’ for each other.”

She made air quotes when she said “pining”, and Erin found herself smiling; Holtzmann grinned back at her, then sat down on the floor, eyes sparkling when she looked up at the physicist.

“So”, she said, patting the floor next to herself invitingly, “wanna do it?”

“Holtzmann”, Erin scolded, moving to sit next to her though, “don’t be crude. There’s more romantic ways to ask this.”

“Well yes”, Holtzmann admitted, “but who knows when they will realize we’re too quiet and will open the door to check on us, so I figured I better not waste any time with big romantically worded questions.”

“Efficient”, Erin commented, making the engineer grin again as she nodded, “and good point about them checking in on us. So we better really not waste any time, I don’t want them to find out we already have been dating for weeks by having them walk in on us when’re in the middle of sex.”

“See”, was all Holtzmann had time to say, then Erin moved to straddle her and kissed her deeply; she wrapped both arms around the redhead and let out a content sigh at the kiss, still having time to think about how good it felt to kiss Erin like that, something she figured she’d never get tired of, a thought she’d already had had when they had kissed for the first time a few weeks ago. 

Then, one of Erin’s hands slid beneath her shirt and the other moved to her belt buckle, and for a while, Holtzmann didn’t think much about anything anymore.

* * *

“They’ve been in there for like an hour”, Abby said as she eyed the door leading to the storage room, raising an eyebrow, “and it’s so quiet, think we should check on them?”

“Yeah”, Patty nodded, getting up from her seat, “you know, I expected them to protest more when we locked them up. They didn’t even try.”

Abby nodded as well, having been quite surprised by this lack of protest - she had pretty much expected Erin to deny everything, to claim she wasn’t pining for anyone and certainly not for Holtzmann and to demand that this foolish nonsense would be stopped immediately.

Too curious not to wait any longer, she got up as well and made her way to the storage room with Patty; the two exchanged another look as the room was still oddly quiet, then unlocked the door and pulled it open, only to both go wide-eyed a second later, Abby’s mouth even falling open.

Holtzmann was sitting on the floor, pants open and down around her knees, and Erin was in her lap, blouse open and bra exposed, and what they were doing could only be described as “heavy making out”. 

Patty let out a high-pitched wheezing sound, and that made the two realize they now had an audience; Erin pulled back from the kiss and blushed a bit, but  not as furiously as Abby would have expected her to.

“Aw”, Holtzmann let out, appearing completely unfazed by being caught like this, not even bothered by the fact that the two women could see her bright blue boxers, “you couldn’t have waited another half hour? We were just gearing up for round two.”

“Round  _ two _ ?!” Patty cried out, while Abby just kept staring; Erin cleared her throat and shrugged, figuring she might as well come clean now, exchanging a look with Holtzmann to make sure it was alright before she spoke up.

“We’ve actually been dating for a few weeks already, you guys”, she told them, Abby’s mouth falling open again while Patty just blinked, “we just didn’t tell you because… I’m not even sure why anymore. I was nervous, worried what you’d think, and so I asked Holtz to wait a bit with telling you, I’m sorry.”

“And here we thought we had a brilliant idea”, Abby sighed, shaking her head - before she smiled brightly and clapped her hands, Erin smiling at her genuine joy, “but yay, you guys! Finally! I’m so happy for you! I’d hug you, but, well…”

“Give us a minute to get dressed”, Erin said with a little smile, “then we can hug all you want.”

Abby grinned and nodded, then Patty and she retreated to give them some privacy; their plan hadn’t exactly been necessary, they now knew, but still they were glad they had pulled it off, happy for their friends and for the love they had found with each other. 


	149. (I'm Gonna) Run To You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just some fluff which I came up with during quiet time at work :D

“Nope”, Abby said as she peered out the window, at the cloudless blue sky and the sweaty faces of the people outside, “not going out there. Sorry, Erin.”

“Same”, Patty nodded, unimpressed by Erin’s pout, “it’s too hot to move. And don’t pout at me like that, that only works on your crazy girlfriend.”

“Not this time”, Erin sighed, unhappy about her friends’ refusal to accompany her to the mayor, “apparently, the containment unit is in danger of overheating unless she keeps an eye on it all the time. Surrounded by roughly a dozen ventilators, of course. So I guess I’ll go to the mayor alone?”

“Sorry”, Abby said again, but apparently wasn’t willing to change her mind; Patty gave a sympathetic look too, but didn’t offer coming along either, and so, Erin resigned to her fate, sighing unhappily to herself as she got ready to head out.

If it hadn’t been a meeting with the mayor, she would have refused to go out into this heat, as well; the heatwave had had the city in its grip for the past week, and none of them felt like doing much anymore, all of them glad that ghosts apparently didn’t like the heat, either, and had been somewhat quiet and calm since the high temperatures had started.

The stifling heat seemed to envelop her the moment she stepped outside, and she regretted that she couldn’t take Ecto-1, longingly thinking of the juiced up aircon Holtzmann had built into it; there was the slim chance that the others would be called to a bust though while Erin was out meeting the mayor, and so, it was public transport for her, the redhead feeling overheated and sweaty by the time she arrived at City Hall.

At least, the mayor’s office had airconditioning, and the meeting went well… and so, Erin felt somewhat good during the way back, only to have her good mood crumble when she got out of the subway and realized that, during the time she had been riding the train underground, it had started raining, so heavily that she could barely see more than a few feet from the subway’s exit.

“Great, just great”, she mumbled to herself, not caring when the people nearby gave her funny looks; she was glad that this heavy rain was breaking the heatwave, perhaps just for a while, but it was better than nothing, still she would have preferred it though if it had started once she’d made it back to the firehouse.

Realizing that it wouldn’t do any good to run back to the firehouse through rain this heavy, Erin dug out her phone, figuring it wouldn’t rain like that for too long and that she might as well wait it out, but that she should let the others know, just in case.

_ Meeting done _ , she wrote into their Ghostbusters group chat,  _ but that rain is bad, so I’ll wait here at the subway station until it gets less. See you in a bit guys :-) _

_ Good thinking _ , Abby was the first one to respond, followed by a thumbs up emoji from Patty and a kissing one, along with a little umbrella emoji, from Holtzmann; Erin smiled at the kiss emoji, then packed her phone again, not wanting it to get wet, and looked out at the rain, willing it to lessen.

She wasn’t the only one waiting, many not having expected this weather and thus not having brought an umbrella; and it seemed as if those who had looked smug when they opened them and hurried out, water splashing around their feet as they walked.

Briefly, Erin considered calling a cab, then realized that approximately two thousand other people probably had had the same idea; and with the firehouse being within walking distance when the weather wasn’t so bad, she might attract the ire of the cabbie, too, something she didn’t quite want to deal with after a meeting with the mayor, and so, she stuck to her initial plan of waiting it out.

Several people dared to venture out without any protection, and Erin could tell that they got soaked to the bone within less than a minute; not wanting to end up like them, she held back a sigh as she looked up at the sky, wondering when the rain would lessen, a bit miffed that this downpour couldn’t have started once she’d made it back to the firehouse.

And just as she lowered her gaze again, and all too familiar figure caught her eye, running down the sidewalk, water splashing up around her feet as her combat boots hammered onto the pavement. 

“Holtzmann!” Erin cried out as soon as the woman in question was close enough to hear her, eyes going wide as she realized that Holtzmann was just as soaked as the others who had gone out into the rain, her normally gravity-defying hairdo plastered to her head now, “what are you doing?!”

“Bringing you an umbrella”, Holtzmann replied, as if it was obvious, holding the umbrella in question up, “so you can get home without getting wet.”

“Why didn’t you use it when you came here?” Erin wanted to know, eying the folded up umbrella in disbelief; Holtzmann just shrugged, did have a better answer though at the way Erin raised an eyebrow at her.

“So I could run faster”, she said, the physicist finding herself smiling despite how crazy this gesture was, “and get it to you quickly.”

“Aw”, Erin let out, “that’s so sweet and thoughtful. Thank you, Holtz.”

Now not caring anymore that Holtzmann was dripping wet, Erin pulled her close for a tender kiss; and afterwards, she opened the umbrella, and held hands with Holtzmann as they both found protection from the rain beneath, unable to stop smiling as they walked back to the firehouse together. 


	150. The Big One-Five-O

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is my 150th one-shot for this pairing. Send help? XD

Erin wasn’t surprised to find lists of needed supplies on her desk every now and then - somehow, she had ended up as the one who handled these things with the mayor’s office in the months since the Ghostbusters had moved to the firehouse -, not at the list per se; what did surprise her this time was the sheer length of the list, much more than what her colleagues usually asked for.

And the whole list was in Holtzmann’s sloppy handwriting, making this only more weird.

Getting up from her seat, Erin grabbed the list and made her way upstairs to Holtzmann’s lab; as always, there was music playing, and Holtzmann was swaying her hips as she worked, and as always, Erin felt quite warm at the sight, wondering if this would ever change.

Having heard her approach, Holtzmann put her tools down and turned to look at her, smiling the moment their eyes met; and just as immediately, Erin smiled back at her, momentarily ignoring the reason for her trip upstairs, the list in her hand forgotten as she moved closer to the engineer and kissed her gently.

“Come here often?” Holtzmann mumbled after the kiss, grinning when Erin snickered; she did come to the lab quite often, and also had come there often in the other sense of the word, something Abby and Patty thankfully were not aware of and hopefully something they never would find out, after they had been quite firm about the two getting intimate at the workplace.

“Innocent smoochies are alright”, Abby had said, Erin remembering it well, “but no heated making out, and no kinky stuff!”

“You know I do”, Erin said, making it Holtzmann’s turn to snicker, “but that is not why I’m here now. I found your list on my desk, why is it so much?”

“Oh, right”, Holtzmann gave back, “I need to build a second containment unit, Cutie-One is almost full. She can take one hundred and fifty ghosts and there’s one hundred and forty-nine in there right now.”

“First, you call the unit Cutie-One?” Erin wanted to know, raising an eyebrow, “and second, you keep track of that? I never knew you do that.”

“Yup I do”, Holtzmann confirmed, grinning - not that Erin was truly surprised, as she was well aware of Holtzmann’s tendency to name things, “and of course I keep track, I mean, can’t have poor Cutie go full and explode. Or implode. I’m not sure what would happen. Since we started, we’ve captured one hundred and forty nine ghosts, destroyed fifty-eight, and just let two go because they were poor harmless souls.”

“Impressive”, Erin told her, “and that explains the list, too. Alright then, the mayor might complain about the cost for all this, but now we have a good reason why we need these things.”

“We all have our fields of knowledge”, Holtzmann pointed out, “I know you know other stats by heart, which are probably just as impressive.”

“We’ve emptied two hundred and twenty one fire extinguishers since we moved here”, Erin promptly replied, “two hundred and six were emptied by you, the others by Abby, Patty and me. You’ve caused eighteen medium poofs, thirty-one small ones and one frighteningly big one.”

“Still sorry about that one”, Holtzmann ruefully said, making Erin smile in a quiet reassurance that it was okay, “but, see? Impressive, too. Our brains combined would be an unstoppable force of intelligence. I wonder if we can combine our brains…”

“No”, Erin said strictly, making the engineer pout, “no combining of brains. We should tell Abby and Patty about the ghosts though, and have a celebration when we reach one hundred and fifty.”

“Yes”, Holtzmann nodded enthusiastically, the pout vanishing at once to be replaced with a bright smile, “that’s a great idea hot stuff, we should tell them right away.”

“Weeeeeell”, Erin drawled, prompting the blonde to raise an eyebrow, “maybe not riiiight away. There’s quite a bit of space on that workbench here… If you know what I mean…”

“Darin Erin”, Holtzmann smirked, well aware that Abby and Patty were downstairs, “I like it. And your wish is my command.”

And with that, she grasped Erin around the waist, lifted her up and put her down on the empty space of the workbench the physicist had pointed out; smiling, Erin wrapped her legs around her, and pulled her close for a passionate kiss, making her moan quietly into her mouth as her hands moved to entangle in her hair.

Perhaps, Erin still had time to think, they hadn’t caught ghost number one hundred and fifty yet, but they still could have their very own, private celebration first.


End file.
